From that title up there, you’d think that I was either talking about the recreational use of drugs or #$%^ing.

Today, I’m talking about #$%^ing.

According to a report conducted by the Guttmacher Institute–a private New York-based think tank that studies sexual and reproductive issues–at least 95 percent of Americans have engaged in premarital sex.

Including people from decades where we assumed sexual freedom and experimentation wasn’t as high, i.e. the 1940s and 1950s.

Um…wrong.

More than nine out of 10 Americans, men and women alike, have had premarital sex, according to a new study. The high rates extend even to women born in the 1940s, challenging perceptions that people were more chaste in the past.

According to (Lqwrence )Finer’s (research director of the Guttmacher Institute) analysis, 99 percent of the respondents had had sex by age 44, and 95 percent had done so before marriage.

Well if this isn’t good news I don’t know what is. This report basically tells us two things:

1. Women are definitely putting out and if you are a man and can’t get some, it’s you. Totally…you.

2. All of this mumbo jumbo about teen fucking has been an issue since like, forever. Only difference is the media coverage of such a thing. Out of sight out of mind.

And to think, we’ve been throwing millions and millions of dollars at programs and initiatives to promote abstinence amongst the youth. I think in the back of our minds everybody knew that was some non-sense but parents kind of hoped that their kids would wait.

Unlike them. Interesting isn’t it. I know I’ll probably have this dilemma. We want all of our kids to not do the same shit that we did. Do as I say, not as I do. Yet, history proves that they’re going to do a lot of the same shit that we do around the same time.

Hell, I knew there was a reason why my father said to me, in high school, in FRONT of me and my girlfriend:

Dad: “Don’t bring no babies around here!”

My Mom: “(pop’s name), stop that”

Dad: “Woman, I know they ain’t always together because they like talking to eachother.”

And boy was he right, she was so not the conversationalist. But a gymnast, you bet your ass she was.

The more you know!

*ding*

“It would be more effective,” Finer said, “to provide young people with the skills and information they need to be safe once they become sexually active — which nearly everyone eventually will.”

Amen. Why pretend that kids aren’t shellacking one another, why not teach them to be more responsible? I know its a tough road to hoe (*snicker*), but still, numbers don’t lie. Okay that’s not completely true either, you can pretty make numbers say what you want them too. However, how far fetched is this?

Not very.

I have to say here, that I must wonder about applaud people who wait until marriage to get their jollies off. With all of the temptation walking around here it’s amazing that anybody can wait.

Hell, I knew people in middle school schlumping one another. And by high school…either everybody was lying or I went to a very hormonious high school. It was also a Blue Ribbon School for Academic Excellence.

What with the number of pregnant girls walking around the two things my school was good at was math and fucking.

We believed in excelling!

I actually still know some virgins and with all of the sex that society is peddling, I’m often surprised by this. And they’re like real virgins. Not the fake chick ones who do “everything, but…”

Honestly, I hate those women…with the passion of Mel Gibson’s last two movies. And a soda on the side.

In fact, any woman who praises that mantra should be shipped to Saskatchewan with only Slim Jims and re-runs of Oprah, the fat years, at their disposal.

So essentially, I wrote all of this to say: Strap up America…she’s LYING!!!! And if he says he’s a virgin, you KNOW he’s lying.

Unless he has a pair of glasses with tape on them in which case he probably still lives at home with a bushel of duct-tape and KY Jelly…in which case he doesn’t have a shot in hell anyway.

And always remember this motto, it just might save your life–Lifestyles: Say YES! to pregnancy.

My first attempt at a post using Wordpress and it ALREADY ate my first post.

This is not a good sign. I up and leave Movable Type because of the ignorant amounts of spam I was getting and this is what happens. They must be exacting their revenge.

Fuck you Thanks Movable Type!

Anyway, welcome to the new temporary digs and whatnot. Same jam time, same jam channel. I got a new attitude.

I’ve got some new sponsors in the Black hand side (not actually sure that that means), Fantasia’s English teacher (ouch!) and Frederick Douglass’ hairstylist (probably some cat named Eustis or something).

Real talk, what the hell does the Black hand side mean? I do know that it sounds way better to say I bitchslapped him with the Black hand side. It’s like the difference between muhf*cka and motherf*cker. A few letters makes a world of difference.

Hmm, I’d better not see that slogan on television for UPS in their competition with USPS.

Why do people do that?

Do what?

That.

You know, use symbols and characters so as to not “use” a word but use it at the same time. Like ni&&a. Or a$$. Or f*ck. I still know what the word is.

So anyway, enjoy. Hopefully at some point in the future a new layout will be envisioned, but for now, I’m cool. The links aren’t all updated yet or anything so I’m still working. Okay, I’m not actually doing it. My ace boon coon is really doing all of this for me.

I heart her.

So welcome to version 3 of the intellectual arrogance ignorance that is Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises.

Panama’s Propositions - the Michael Eric Dyson people can actually understand.

That Lauryn Hill, what a prophet.

Today’s post is being brought to you by the good people of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and the letter W.

Followed by the letter T. And not so far behind, the letter F.

Put it together class and what do you get?? WTF.

As in the what the fuck was Fantasia thinking when she wrote some of the shit that is on her newest album, the self-titled Fantasia?

Despite that question, I find myself feeling warmed by her album.

Do you know why I appreciate artists like Fantasia (and similarly people like Jagged Edge or Mary J. Blige, during the Great Crackskapades of the early to mid 90s)? I love them because they do not run away from their inner-ghetto. You see, so many of us el Negroes try to hide from the fact that we do indeed possess ghetto bones.

I have some. Do you? It’s okay. In fact, anybody with ghetto bones, please, with a show of hands…show yourself!

*hands a-waving*

Ahh…the smell of truth.

Being the ghetto queen that Fantasia apparently is (down to the inordinate education), she has decided that she was going to make an album for her people. What people would that be? The same people who actually found her song “B.A.B.Y.M.A.M.A.” to be a rallying cry and an endearing, honorable tribute to the single, un-wed mother.

Not that there is anything wrong with being a single, un-wed mother. Then again, there is a hell of a difference between being a babymama and a single mother. Color me ignorant, but it seems that Fantasia made it okay (once again, to her fans) to aspire to be a baby mama whereas a single mother would usually rather not be in that situation. But once again, color me ignorant.

And then color me bad. Ohhh…beeeeeeeehave.

On her newest magnum opus, Fantasia has a song entitled “Uneligible”.

I’d like to take a quick smokebreak, so please re-read that last sentence as many times as you need.

*smokebreak*

If you’re anything like me, you probably looked at that word a few times before calmly asking yourself, “is that a word?”

Then, I briskly walked to my dictionary to check. Nope…in fact, I’m about to go look at my office dictionary right now.

Hold, please.

*holding*

Nope, not in my office dictionary. It goes from unedited to unemotional. But you know what I did find?

Ineligible.

A one letter variance, but a signficant one nonetheless. Which begs the question…two questions actually: why not just use the word ineligible?; and why doesn’t she have any friends who tell her better?

Oh, she answers that on the album’s last song, “Bump What Ya Friends Say”.

Well, okay then.

You’ve really got to love songs like that don’t you? The song “Uneligible” is about the good men who all seem to be “uneligible.” Ooh, ooh, I have a question!!!

Since she refers to her men as uneligible, does that actually make them uneligible? Perhaps there is some subtle distinction between ineligible and uneligible…perhaps her men just ain’t available (hence, uneligible) whereas ineligible men are just not qualified!!!

Perhaps Fantasia is the smart one. She’s done gone and created a new word, probably by accident since I don’t actually respect her mind. Sad, I know.

But until she can read one of my posts I stand by my statement.

Ouch.

What I do appreciate about her new album is that she really holds nothing back. For instance, here are some of the song titles: “I Nominate U” (c’mon, don’t we all really want to be nominated for something??), “Baby Makin’ Hips” (you laugh, but I love me a woman with baby makin’ hips), “Two Weeks Notice” (not sure how this really applies to her people since most of them are probably fans of being babymamas and probably work at places that a two week notice probably ain’t all that necessary, let alone a two minute notice).

Ouch again.

I’m mean.

Then there’s that guaranteed hot shit, “Bore Me (Yawn)”. I actually have to give Fantasia a lot of credit here. People often give you song titles, but when was the last time people gave you the intransitive verb to go with their song title?

Did Babyface? How much better is this song title: “Every Time I Close My Eyes (Blink)”?

Or “There She Goes (Point)”?

Clearly, he’s not as forward thinking as Fantasia.

And the entire album makes sense because her first single is “Hood Boy”, a sort of double entendre since clearly she needs a hood boy, and it’s also apparently who she mad the album for, the “hood, boy”.

Deep. Perhaps I do respect her mind. A broke clock may be right only twice a day, but when it’s right, it’s right.

Mind you, a lot of this stuff is actually pretty good, music-wise, and she can sing despite the fact that I pretty much don’t like her voice at all. What’s really funny is that for every person I’ve mentioned that she has as song called “Uneligible”, every body thinks its okay because Fantasia apparently isn’t the scholar we all pray for.

And she can’t read, though I’m inclined to believe that she’s probably made headway in that deparment since her admission. Which if I’m not mistaken was during the “writing” of her book. Dictaphone never had it so good!

All in all, I appreciate Fantasia for what she brings to the table. Unapologetic ignorance. She exists to make me realize that people like us do have a place in the world. For me, it’s at the table with lawmakers and hookers, for her it’s at the library, but there is a place nonetheless.

Irregardless of what we may all think, Fantasia is finna do things her way. And through her, we are all connectededed.

She is us and we are her.

Thank you Fantasia for keeping it real and damn you to Hell for causing a whole new generation of little ninjas who will undoubtedly think that the word “uneligible” is actually real and okay since it’s a song that I think women who can’t find a good man will be drawn towards.

Thank you Fantasia, for not crossing over but bringing the suburbs to the ‘hood.

I believe it was the great prophet and soothsayer, Big Daddy Kane, who uttered the now famous words:

“…stick a quarter in your ass cuz you played yourself…”

Deep.

Deep.

Those words are like a no smoking sign on your cigarette break or the free ride, when you’ve already paid. Some would say those things are ironic. Me, I say those things mean you don’t read. Usually there are signs up that let you know all the information that you need to know.

Myself and Ace of Base? We saw the signs.

Thus brings us to one Jay Jenkins, better known as Young Jeezy, your favorite trapper’s favorite trapper, from Atlanta, by way of Macon, Georgia.

Young Jeezy is an idiot. If you have any time, please listen to this interview he conducted with Monie Love on a Philadelphia radio station. It is well worth it.

Radio Interview with Young Jeezy and Monie Love [spotted via Nah Right]

In this interview, myriad things are discussed: Lil Wayne’s comments about Jay-Z, hip-hop being dead, international relations and diplomacy, global warming, Tolstoy and the novel Crime and Punishment.

Okay, only the first two things were actually discussed.

I could be showing my age here, but I’ll just attempt to show all of your ages too. How many people here know who Monie Love is?

*lots of raised hands*

Oooh, oooh, better question. Who here knows better than to get into an argument with a Black woman??

*everybody’s hand (all nationalities, races, creeds) should be raised*

Let’s discuss how you lose an argument, like an idiot.

Ever since Nas decided to name his album Hip-Hop Is Dead, the streets have been abuzz with people debating that theory. This was either a brilliant marketing ploy by Nas to get everybody talking about him or just dumb luck. Well, the Youngest of Jeezy’s gets roped into a conversation about hip hop being dead.

He disagrees. Fine. And truthfully, call me an elitist or whatever, but why anybody would debate with Jeezy about hip-hop being dead is beyond me. I mean this is the same dude who rhymes words like “John Madden” with…

…John Madden. Or my personal favorite line of his, “…speaking of pockets, mine got the mumps…”

Pure poetry right there, my friend. Pure poetry.

But Jeezy decides that this is an argument he wants because apparently he has some feelings about this whole hip-hop is dead quagmire that so many artists are facing today. You see, Jeezy, though having said he’s not a rapper but a hustler who raps, has taken this personally. Somehow, he feels like Nas has made a personal affront to him or other rappers of his ilk. Ego much? He doesn’t say it so much as its implied from his tone.

Or maybe Monie Love just got to him and he started talking reckless off the dome because he didn’t have time to think. Who knows…either way, Youngest of Jeezy’s…this is your life.

And this is how you lose an argument. Monie Love posits that the concept of hip-hop is dead since hip-hop, as it were, was more inclusive and just one area didn’t get shine (as is now with the crack-rap, drug dealer turned rapper, bling-bling, crap rap) as happens now.

Jeezy feels that hip-hop isn’t dead…its just a new day and time with a new movement. Rap is for the kids. Rap is here to sell records.

Wu-Tang is (also) for the kids.

But uh oh…Jeezy fucks it all up and starts down the wrong road by asking Monie where she’s from (which would be London). He seems to be asking as if that where she’s from would make her perspective of rap completely different.

Nevermind that this is Monie Love of Native Tongues fame. The same Monie Love who’s been rapping for years and years. In the United States. With cats from the same streets that Jeezy probably claims to respect.

Somehow, Jeezy interprets Nas saying hip-hop is dead, and Monie Love saying that hip-hop is dead as them saying that they don’t respect Jeezy’s craft. Umm…nobody said that.

Poor Jeezy, because then he goes the route that so many misguided youth go when they misunderstand or take things too personally regarding hip-hop. You see, Jeezy, in his defense of hip-hop (and his role in hip-hop) being alive goes straight for the worst two arguments in history:

1) (Nas’ first week) record sales; and

2) (Nas’) street credibility.

Two things that have jack shit to do with hip-hop on their own. Yes, in today’s day and age, we do care about record sales. Even the hip-hop heroes of yore are complaining that they’re not selling millions. Nevermind that they’re making shitty albums or that they’re selling what they’ve always sold.

But umm…the focus on record sales is KIND OF the problem. And yes I’m fully aware that hip-hop is more business than artistry at this point.

Same goes for street-credibility. Umm…who really cares. If you’re the hardest, most connected, dude in the street, but you suck as a rapper *coughJeezycough* who the fuck cares. And that doesn’t define hip-hop either. Hell, A Tribe Called Quest weren’t any street hard niggas but I’d bet that Jeezy wouldn’t go saying they weren’t hip-hop.

Plus, Nas has never been out here talking about “busting guns” as Jeezy says. Unless I missed that album.

(I didn’t.)

Thing is, this idiot is PROVING her point for her. There’s only one school of thought from most people nowadays (well the youngsters) and that’s street cred and record sales. That’s what makes you a legit rapper. And that’s exactly what Monie Love was getting at…that is not hip-hop as it was. My favorite part of the interview is whoever is in the background that says: “because THAT’S hip-hop!” sarcastically as Jeezy rattles off about Nas’ street credibility, or lack thereof.

I heart her.

And let’s clear this up. Jeezy is not a good rapper. Never was. He’s a catchy rapper. Jeezy is syphillis. Fuckin’ around long enough with the shit that’s out there (all the wack ass music out now) and you just might catch something (Jeezy). But when you finally get tested (actually start listening to the music and what he’s saying) you want a cure (ANYTHING is better than Jeezy at this point being as his new album is a 2 dollar ho).

Jeezy is a product of our times. His first album sold well because he was “different”. At this point, I have no idea what his appeal is. Between him and Rick Ross, if it wasn’t for catchy beats, they’d pretty much be obsolete ass negroes. But even I listened for a minute and was caught up. He’s a master marketer. Ad-libs, catchy hooks and banging beats and wham! Jeezy did the same thing that 50 said The Game did. Average rapping over great production (The Documentary) and by George Michael, you have an instant hit.

Let me also add this, I’m not an elitist, nothing-but-the-old-school, backpack rap enthusiast who thinks Lupe Fiasco is the second coming of Jesus for rap music. In fact, I do not like Lupe Fiasco. I like commercial stuff just as much as I like “underground” and I don’t think hip-hop is dead. But it aint my debate, it’s Jeezy versus Monie Love.

Jeezy sounds like so many southern rappers nowadays who are taking everything personal. Granted, a lot of rappers from NY have been hating on the South…but its because they aren’t selling and they’re bitter. Oh well, NY needs to get the fuck over it. And make better music. But these niggas can’t take everything so personal either. For fuck’s sake Jeezy, nobody said they didn’t respect your craft (well I think you suck, but nobody asked me)…Monie pointed out that rap isn’t what it used to be…and who hasn’t said that?

“All these rappers sound the same…” or “everything out now is the same ole same ole…”

Any fan, including most rappers, has said that at some point.

Oh well, Young Jeezy has morphed himself into an idiot and he totally lost an argument by not thinking. He even capped it off by walking out, which is also known as the ultimate bitch move…oh well…

Since Nas started this, I think it’s only right that Nas finishes it. Young Jeezy, you’ve just been…

…ethered.

Me and one of mi compadres are working on a project intended to educate, facilitate, and aid in procreate (-tion). And no it’s not a How To Have Safe Sex When All You Have Are Lifestyle Condoms seminar. It’s a project that just might open the flood gates for discussion amongst the sexes. Gender roles are turned on their ear and stereotypes are accepted as fact.

Thing is, in this little booky book, we’ve tackled some issues that were close to our hearts. Clearly we can’t tackle everything. But it got me to thinking recently (actually just like 10 minutes ago), women have so many questions for men, from why do we cheat to why come we don’t be e’en known how to ack rite, etc…but how often do men have questions for women?? When it comes to relationships, quite often women have more questions than a mothertrucker when it comes time to discuss shit whereas us menfolks tend to be more observers and listeners and answerers and debaters. We debate what was said without usually bringing much new shit to the table.

Hell, the most common question males probably ask females is: what the hell is wrong with you all?

It’s a valid question.

But I’ve come to realize, through life experience, that I have other questions. And I’d very much like it if I could get some help. I’m going to lay one major question out there and see what happens from there, mostly because I’d like to know. So let’s get to it.

There’s a notion amongst the womanly community that men know when we fuck up. We’re very clear when we’re in the wrong. Usually, when doing dirt, a man will try to slyly make up for it by overcompensating in some area he normally wouldn’t, causing suspicion and ultimately leading to his be-heading because women are indeed not dumb.

Crazy, but not dumb.

But this begs the question: when a woman fucks up, does she know it? As in, are women adept at realizing when they just might have pushed a motherfucker too far? Say he doesn’t try to stab you with a fork, or he doesn’t emotionally show that he’s been trampled on like a herd of wild Buffalo running over some cowboys in 1891…

If he never outwardly says, “I’m over this shit, you obviously don’t give a shit about me so fuck you and the horse you rode in on…”, do women know that they just might have done irreparable damage?

I don’t even want to get into whether or not the average women would care or not.

Basically, how much do women pay attention to fucking up relationships? Men apparently do it all the time, but women never get any credit for fucking shit up either. Do women assume that because the man has shown over time that he can’t let go that no damage has been done?

This is just something I’ve been thinking about lately. Does it stem from anything? Of course it does. Experience is the best teacher, but the experience just may not have been mine.

Cryptic much? You bet yer ass.

Oh and a special fuck you out to everybody for NOT telling me that motherfucking Akeelah and The Bee is a STARBUCKS ENTERTAINMENT production. Yes, quite much, fuck everybody who’s seen it and didn’t tell me causing me to spend 20 dollars of my hard earned money on a movie that the evil powers that be have brought to the Black community, the same community that they’re gonna be shipping our movie-watching asses out of soon…down with Starbucks.

So yes, fuck you very much.

Today’s post is sponsored by Allhiphop and it’s famous and unfuckwitable rumors section.

*applause*

Allhiphop is the first website I check everyday after I turn my computer on. Before I get to my personal email or even my work email. Some things are just more important than communicating with people you’d rather not actually speak to. I always read the latest on which rapper got arrested or shot (sometimes both) or what other strange goings on are permeating the rap community and then it’s straight to the rumors section because there is ALWAYS something interesting. And yes, they are rumors, but let’s just do what everybody else in America does, ignore the facts and just pretend its all true.

With that in mind, we are going to analyze the rumors section of Allhiphop.com today. Allons-y.

Rumors in italics.

JD AND JANET ON THE ROCKS?

This is getting to be a lil’ tired - you know, people anticipating the death of a couple’s relationship. Here were are…talking about it. There’s some talk that Janet now has nobody to look out for her interests at Virgin now that JD has quit his high-post position over there. He quit, because he was riding for her ��� corporate protest. You know, he produced 20 Y.O. and sales were under-whelming. So, now Janet is reportedly talking with her old producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to get her on track? I don’t know, but that���s the word! Anyway, the chasm widens, according to rumors, but I think they will be OK. They have stuck by each other through thick and thin - literally! Anyway, they were at the Billboard Awards together looking happy!

Hmm…in the event that the two of them are actually on the rocks, I’d like to refer to a quote I like to read from time to time:

“…sometimes the business end of this shit can turn your friends against you…” ~ Dr. Dre “What’s The Difference” 2001

Nothing ruins a relationship like finances and fucking with one’s career. Cheating…eh…folks get over that. But you mess with their money? Crikey. Thing is, Janet’s album 20 Y.O. was not just a commercial flop, it completely sucked. I listened to it. I know asstastic music when I hear it. Janet Jackson, meet your destiny. She tried to let JD do it, and truth be told, that’s her fault, but I’m sure he convinced her that if he could save Mariah Carey then one nipple couldn’t stop him from saving Janet’s career too. Um…no. Thing is, weren’t Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis on this album too?? I know Janet is an entertainer, but the people have spoken…we want Bush out, Democrats in and nobody really gives a shit about Janet anymore. We’ll all just listen to Rhythm Nation or Janet and be done with it. Buh-bye.

Though you have to wonder, had Janet released an album right after Nipplegate, do you think it would have sold well? Is she the only artist that controversy doesn’t help?

MORE DIVORCE ON THE HORIZON?

Y’all know, I believe in the power of love, even if I don’t feel the love from people these days. At any rate, I don’t want to see Madonna go through a divorce, but rumor has it her marriage with Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. Word has it, the pair have done the necessary work and gotten a counselor to mend the rift. Apparently, Madonna’s very public and controversial adoption of an African baby boy has caused some tension in the house. Now, it���s not the boy, but rather how Madonna acts around him as the rumored source of beef. I wish them the best, especially for their other two kids.

Yeah, so I kind of don’t care. Then again, you just have to wonder about all of these celebrities picking off little African babies. Hell, there are plenty of needy little Black babies in America if there thing is babies of color. I’m not completely sure how I feel about this yet, but something ain’t right.

50 CENT & G-UNIT DROPPED?!?!

As you may or may not know, there’s a crazy rumor running around that 50 Cent, Eminem, G-Unit and even Shady Records were all getting the ax by Jimmy Iovine! Now, I admit I heard some things and even heard some of the names of the artists, but this rumor was getting crazy. Anyway, I heard it���s not true and that 50 Cent and the crew aren’t going anywhere just yet. They can’t ’til I get my MOP album. But, other cuts might be coming… its not hardly safe ��� TRUST! With a double album coming out, is it possible that 50 Cent is planning to defect? Just a question.

Is the 50 Dynasty crumbling? This rumor has already been confirmed as false by an Interscope executive but let’s think on this. Clearly, 50’s acts aren’t exactly top shelf anymore. Perhaps its oversaturation or perhaps people have finally realized that short of 50 and Young Buck, every G-Unit album has, for lack of a better term, sucked. People who like G-Unit albums tell me they like LOX albums…and they suck too. Now let’s be clear, 50 Cent ain’t getting dropped. That’s in nobody’s best interest at Interscope. And the inability to drop 50 means you can’t drop his G-Unit roster…but he managed to make Mobb Deep irrelevant. Which, as we all know, is a feat unto itself. It ain’t like anybody was really checking for a new Mobb Deep album anyway but you’d think the added firepower of 50 would help. Not so much. And I’d like to put out an APB on M.O.P. Them niggas just can’t catch a break I swear.

FREE M.O.P.

That’s my new cause in life. Right after I jump back onto the “Reincarcerate Yayo” bandwagon that some genius started a few years ago. That person is my hero.

But how fuckin’ amazing would it be to see 50 Cent’s entire empire crumble. Don’t they already sell G-Unit shit damn near exclusively at Marshall’s and TJ Maxx…which ain’t a knock. But I just bought a suit, 10 shirts, 20 ties, and a partridge and a pear tree from there for 19.99. Granted, it was Kenneth Kohl but still.

BE A FATHER - IF NOT WHY BOTHER?

Remember Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice. They were going on vacations together and their kids were playing together. Now, rumor has it, the Spice girl is pregnant and Eddie did a ghost move. According to tmz, this dude is questioning the paternity of the lil’ bun in the oven! When an interviewer asked if he was happy with Mel B, he said, “You’re being presumptuous, because we’re not together anymore. And I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” That’s word to Ed OG.

“He’s a NIIIIIIIIIGGER…HE’S A NIGGGGGGGGGGER”

What?

LIL��� WAYNE MAD?

He also reportedly dissed The Clipse and Pharrell too. I wonder if he’ll take it back on the radio.

Has Lil Wayne lost his fuckin’ mind? So let me get this right. You’re going to get pissed off at the nigga who’s style you straight SWAGGER JACKED??? Isn’t that a violation of Rappin’ 101?? How can you claim to be better than the nigga you owe your entire livelihood to? Especially when you’re kind of not better. This brings up another point too…

…the fuck is this? Dis-That-Nigga Jay Month? Good got damn. Raekwon, LL Cool J, Lil Wayne, Jim Jones (though I am enjoying that one…I’d like them to keep that one up), and POTENTIALLY even Bow Wow? Come the fuck on. I know LL Cool J got beef since he feels like Jay ain’t getting behind his projects…then again, I wonder if LL has even heard his own shit. His albums are fuckin’ horrible nowadays. Promotion wouldn’t save those. If LL didn’t look like he does women wouldn’t buy his albums (which apparently has stopped happening).

LL Cool J…you suck now. Give it up. Plus, you’re too easy a target for Jay. Hell, he wouldn’t even have to do a song, he could just do a press conference and show up with your last, like 5 albums, put them on display, throw up his hands and he’d be declared the victor. People think Kingdom Come is bad…okay…but damn LL, people don’t even OWN your albums anymore.

Raekwon…yeah, until he manages to put out an actual good album this decade (Only Built For Cuban Links is over 10 years old now…hmmm, one hot album every 10 year average, anyone?) he can shut the fuck up too. In fact, all these niggas need to be easy. In my opinion, Jay needs to just do a song called “Like Father, Like Son” and just take Lil Wayne down a notch or two since, ya know, he BIRTHED that nigga’s whole persona and style.

I hate Black people sometimes.

I think I’ll just stop there.

When I thought about bringing the question of Jodeci’s best song to the masses (and boy did I, but I’ll get there), I didn’t realize I was asking people to choose between Martin and Malcolm.

Hell, I didn’t realize I was asking who’s the greatest: Jay-Z, Biggie, or Nas (and Tupac, ya know, just because)?

Shucks, who knew that asking a large group of Black people (and some white and Latino people) what Jodeci’s best song was would essentially be the most difficult decision of our lives? To hell with the President, that’s easy. AIDS: to know or not to know? Well, duh…take the test dummy. You say you have to be at work tomorrow at 7am but you’d REALLY like to take make that booty call because it’s been a few months since you’ve had some but the sex wasn’t that great but mediocre sex is better than no sex, so should you make the call? No brainer…of course.

But Jodeci? I feel like I asked people to smack their mothers with rusty barnacles and a box of Hi-Liters…the orange ones.

In fact, to illustrate just how hard a question this was (you can read some of the comments from yesterday) here are some text messages I received:

“Lately…all day. My 2nd choice is Freekn”

Wait 2 seconds…text from the same person:

“I changed my mind, I want to go with Feenin”

Sheesh…and that was the first text I received in response to my question. So what was to follow?

“who is jodeci?” ~ I told her that if she wasn’t joking we could never get married…amazing how quickly she provided me a response.

“I always liked Feenin…but the Freeknu Remix was good also. To tell you the truth, I can’t choose…there are a lot that I like” ~ sounds about consistent with what I’d heard and more tame too; one of my friend’s called me Satan for making her have to do this type of heavy thinking at work…she’s a systems engineer.

“Hmm…how much time do I have?” ~ Apparently this isn’t a snap decision type of question. True and honest thought must be used to determine the answer. If only black people could be this focused and careful in every other decision. Shoot, that could have saved us from D4L at the very least.

“i don’t want them to get back together, but the first song that pops into my head is ‘forever my lady’ but i think i like ‘luv u for life’ more…actually, just shoot me now because I can’t decide.” ~ That wasn’t a text, that was actually a conversation I had with a chick while I was standing in line at Quizno’s. I figured that since she was young and Black she’d probably have an opinion. She did. And no I didn’t try to holler at her; she ordered some kind of weird sandwich. Eww.

“that’s like asking to pick ur favorite child! I won’t do it! Damn u…lol! I’m still waiting remix” ~ Now you see what happened there? Psychoanalytically, she went through four stages: Indecisive to outright defiance to reluctant deference to acceptance. I mean she’s still wrong. Hmm, is it a problem if when she said that I was like, they had a remix for “I’m Still Waiting”?

I asked one of my friends if she thought this was the most difficult question in the Black community to which she texted back:

“lol yo it just might be. When have you ever known xxx to not have an answer. And those last 2 votes? The niggas literally burst into song as an answer.” ~ When was the last time anybody answered a question about Martin Luther King, Jr with an excerpt from his “I Have A Dream” speech? Hmmm?? Hmmm??

You get the point here. Obviously I was a little bit cavalier in how light I took this question and situation. And to complicate matters even further…

…I asked people at the line to get into the club last night. I specifically stayed at the door for a while just to ask. And do you know why this is a problem? Because I had do an impromptu performance of a good 8 of Jodeci’s songs as one patron was trying to decide and she needed to hear them.

So I sang them, which caused other people to start singing their songs. Yeah so, we started a mini-concert outside for a little while. Except none of us can sing. But a crackhead did show up, so it felt more like K-Ci was there in spirit at least. Oh, Devante too. He’s clearly on that shit.

Then, to make it even worse, I had the DJ play the “Come and Talk To Me (Remix)” in the club (though he didn’t actually play it until a rather attractive young lady accompanied me to the DJ booth demanding that it be played since she thinks its the best Jodeci song). The host for the evening went around asking people if it was the best Jodeci song which was followed up the the “Freek NU (Remix)” which just shut shit down. That damn Jodeci, man they made great music.

Sidenote: Have you ever saw, developed a crush and then lost the same crush all in the course of a night? That happened to me last night. I met this chick who I’d apparently seen at least a gazillion times and I caught the biggest crush on her. She’s hot, smiles, and just seems like a genuinely nice person. Then I found out she was engaged. I totally lost the crush. Shit was over just as soon as it started. She’s still hot though…jeez Louise is she hot.

So now we get to decision time…according to the over 250 people that were polled via text message, personal interview, and Internet means, what is the best Jodeci song?

*drumroll*

“Come And Talk To Me (Original)” was voted the best song with the majority of about 35 votes.

However, my personal pick “Freek NU” was a VERY close second with around 33 votes, followed by “Forever My Lady” (27 votes), “Feenin’” (25), “Love You For Life” (21), “Stay” (20), “Come And Talk To Me (Remix)” (20), “Cry For You” -which is my second choice for best song- had (19).

Everything else had 15 votes or less, to include: “Stay”, “My Heart Belongs To You”, Freek NU (Remix)”, “U and I”, “What About Us?”, “Lately” and “I’m Still Waiting (Original and Remix)”

I’d like to thank and apologize to everybody for all of the grief I put them through by asking people to pick the best Jodeci song. I’m sure that quite a few side conversations were spawned because of this out in the real world. Heck, a few people actually came up to me in the club wanting to change their prior answer.

The only thing this proves to me is that there really is no best Jodeci song. There was no clear winner and damn near 12 songs were name-checked by people which only leads me to believe that Jodeci’s catalog is just that good. They’re all great songs. Hell most people couldn’t actually just name even one song. It was always, well I think “this” and “that” are the best songs.

Bottom line, Jodeci is that shit and Boyz II Men can’t touch them.

Yeah, I said it…who the f**k want what??!?!!!!

Oh, and my friend’s choice was “Forever My Lady” or “Stay” so technically…I won. She will disagree. And because she’s a woman, she will be right.

I think I’ve figured out this whole man vs. woman thing.

You’ve got me feenin’…FOR SOME ANSWERS!!!!

People of the ‘Net…a question has arisen.

It is a question of the utmost importance and I need answers. I need answers STAT. Or ASAP. Or perhaps ASAP and STAT actually do mean the same thing so I need the answer 40 ways from Sunday. Which according to some porn stars, is how they like to get smurfed.

The question is this:

Without me giving you a list of songs to choose from, what is Jodeci’s best song?

A friend of mine and I were debating this question yesterday as she has her pick and I have mine. We attempted to dismantle eachother’s decision and it ended up with me changing my choice, then her changing her choice, then us being unable to actually declare a best Jodeci song. Their catalog is sick. The only definitive thing I determined was that I could not date a woman who didn’t accept the fact that Diary Of A Mad Band was their best album.

Any woman who says otherwise need not speak to me ever.

So I implore you, help us, the Black community, and any white people who actually listen to Jodeci, determine the best Jodeci song by placing your choice in the comments.

We need results people!!!! Plus, I SO want to be able to tell my friend that I was right and she was wrong. There’s nothing on the line, but I’ll take glory points.

Allons-y.

For the record, I am actually tallying from both her MySpace and text messages I’ve sent out and I will be posting the results.

And make sure that if you mean a remix, you put remix. I.e. Come and Talk To Me (Remix) or Freek-N-U (Remix).

“He’s a nigger.”

Everybody in the world by this point has heard about Michael Richards’ blow up the other day. I’ve turned his name into a verb, adjective, and adverb by this point.

I called somebody a Michael Richard’s ass nigga the other day.

I wasn’t exactly outraged by the video clip. Perhaps I’ve just come to accept these things as part of society. Sure he was wrong, and sure he’s a bigot, and yes I believe he meant exactly what he said. Thing is, I don’t actually think he’s any different than any number of white people out there.

Or Black people.

Us Black people just don’t have a word that evokes the same type of historical symbolism as the dreaded n-word. If we had one, I’m sure we’d be using it too.

Mind you, none of that makes it okay. Michael Richards was wrong on all fronts. He wasn’t even funny. He seemed like a possessed jack-ass.

Well, of course, the Black community is responding to this incident through recharged efforts to stop everybody from using the n-word. I use the n-word. A lot actually. Not even intentionally. I think I’ve just been using it so long, for whatever reason, that it’s become second nature. I never use it around white people, which makes me believe that I could stop if I wanted to. Similar to cursing in front of one’s parents. I don’t curse in front of mom dukes.

Anyway, everybody’s favorite Johnny-come-lately civil rights group, the NAACP, has taken up the cause of trying to eradicate the usage of the n-word. And though I think that there are a million other problems more worth addressing, this time, I just might pay attention to their efforts because of one man.

Paul Mooney.

According to Allhiphop.com, Paul Mooney has taken to stopping his usage of the word.

Legendary African-American comedian Paul Mooney, who has written controversial material for comedians like Richard Pryor and Dave Chappelle, is well known for his using the word in his own comedy routines.

Like Paul Wall and the late Richard Pryor, Mooney has vowed to never use the word again during his routine. “I’ve used it and abused it, and I never thought I’d say this,” Mooney said. “Richards is my Dr. Phil ��� he’s cured me.”

Anybody familiar with Paul Mooney knows how often he uses that word. I mean, one of his favorite lines was that he said the word 100 times when he woke up in the morning because it kept his teeth white.

So for Paul Mooney to decide that he will no longer use the word, similar to the path of Richard Pryor and other luminary comedians of the past, at least gives me pause.

Not exactly pause enough to stop using it, but it at least makes me think. I suppose I’m somewhat of a contradiction when it comes to the n-word. For one, I will never use it around white people…ever. It just seems stupid to me to do so. However, I still use it around Black people. And I know that the hip-hop community has co-opted it into a term of endearment and legions of n-words everywhere think nothing of it as we use it daily, but it is still problematic.

For instance, we hate the Confederate battle flag, which is a symbol of the old, racist, slave-holding South. Black folks get into a tizzy when they see that flag. Yet we use the other symbol, the n-word.

My solution has long just been to do the same thing that we did with the n-word. Make it ours. I’ve planned on creating a red, black, and green confederate battle flag for years. And Lil Jon and Andre 3000 have both rocked Black and White confederate flags in videos.

Then again, that doesn’t really make much of a change now does it? I’d like to say I’m torn here, but I’m really not. I like doing things that spark controversy and a red/black/green Confederate flag would do just that. But I also like inciting some sort of emotion in racist white people…

…and defacing that flag does just that. I can imagine me walking around in Alabama with my own t-shirt version of that flag. Hell, I might get beat down because of it.

Guess that would be what it feels like for a white man to call a Black man a nigger…because white rednecks take that flag seriously.

I have no idea if I’ll ever really stop using the n-word. I suppose at some point I’ll just get tired of it or perhaps I’ll see the “light”. Maybe not. It doesn’t offend me that much. And I’m around like 8 white people in my entire life right now. And none of them would call me that to my face so I don’t even get the opportunity to get riled up about it anymore like I used to when I was in high school in Alabama.

It’s often strange to me what causes us to get active in this nation as Black people. We need some sort of impetus to bring to the people so that we can get motivated about something. People use the n-word everyday, white people I mean, but the second a famous person says it, we are able to organize into some sort of driving force.

I’m not sure how I feel about that. What’s the good of being an organization if you only act when something bad happens? You can never really create change if your only reactive. It’s transparent. If you only show up after the fire but don’t do anything in the first place to prevent it, you lose credibility, which is usually where I stand with the NAACP and lots of the once prominent civil rights organizations. No more proactivity…all reactive.

All in all, this whole discussion about the n-word is interesting. One, everybody knows all of the problems and everybody knows the most easy and effective solution. But nobody knows if it will make a difference. If nobody, whites or Blacks, used the n-word, would anything really change? Does it even count as a step in the right direction? I suppose in some ways it does…then again, I’m skeptical as race will never go away and therefore racism will never go away.

I mean, we’ll all be different colors forever.

Perhaps without the n-word we wouldn’t have to be reminded of it verbally.

Unfortunately, we’ll always be able to still feel it…

Such is life.

Well, tomorrow anyway.

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday. It’s the one holiday where a large segment of my family comes together. We tend to use Thanksgiving as an excuse to have a mini-family reunion every year. I like Christmas but it’s usually more segmented in my family. But Kill-An-Injun Day? All in.

So because I’ll be returning from whence I came (read back Down South) I wanted to wish everybody a Happy Thanksgiving holiday and in turn, tell you a few things that I’m thankful for…for yes, I am thankful.

This Is My Thank You For 2004 (but really 2006)

I’m thankful for Jim Jones.

I know this a vast departure from my earlier stances which placed him as Satan’s right hand man, if he wasn’t Satan himself, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t one entertaining SOB. Have you read an interview of his? Or just listened to him talk? He’s more entertaining than 50 Cent - and that’s saying something. I mean, he sincerely seems to get a kick out of life and everything that gets thrown at him. True he’s the biggest hater on the planet, but he does it with flair. I mean, what OTHER rapper do you know that would actually take a diss track from somebody (in this case Jay-Z), add two more verses, and release it to radio to get more spins. AND…truly get a kick out of it. And to add insult to injury, he’s become way more of a star than Cam’ron…makes no sense to me either. Viva la Jim Jones.

I’m thankful for collard greens and spaghetti salad.

True, this doesn’t even really need much explanation but I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m one of the absolute pickiest eaters you will ever come across…except when it comes to my mother or my sister’s cooking. I’ll eat anything they make. Even cauliflower, and I HATE cauliflower. Well I’ll be at home and (God-willing) they’ll both be there cooking. It’s the only time I’m more than willing to wash the dishes because the food was worth it. Ya know, I think I may have lost a potential girlfriend once because she was afraid to cook for me because she didn’t think she could handle the rejection. Oh well, I lost one…one…one….

Sorry, I’m a champion.

I’m thankful for my friends.

Yeah, yeah, I get mushy every now and then. From three dimensional to letters on a computer screen. From Los Angeles to Atlanta to New York to DC to Huntsville to Boston to Baltimore, etc. I’ve got some doggone good friends.

I’m thankful for Stacey Dash.

Not only did she win the tourney this year, she gives me hope that it is entirely possible to find and marry a woman who might just be that damn fine for the rest of her life. Hell, I might even throw Angela Bassett and Pam Grier into this one. Am I superficial? Mmhmm…and they give me hope and faith that I, too, can marry a banging ass MILF.

I wonder who will start the GMILF since there really are 30 year old grandparents running around here.

Hey, hey…did you hear that 4 out of 10 kids born nowadays are born out of wedlock and that teenage mothers aren’t the bulk. In fact, teenage mothers have been declining over the past few years. Nope, it’s the independent women bracket (20’s) that’s kicking up the stats now.

Take that Ronald Reagan.

I’m thankful for college football.

It’s my favorite sport and my favorite time of the year to watch television. And I’m REALLY praying for a Michigan-Ohio State rematch.

I’m thankful for Tide Laundry Detergent.

Washing clothes is my favorite chore. In fact, when I get married, I’m going to specifically request that I get to wash all of my own clothes assuming my wife doesn’t trust me with her unmentionables.

Hmm…so if you mention unmentionables, doesn’t that actually make them mentionables? It can’t be unmentionable if you actually mention it can it? Things like this keep me up at night.

But yes, back to Tide. I’ve tried various laundry detergents, but none quite gets my clothes smelling and feeling the way I want like Tide. Hell, I’ve got two different kinds of Tide that I use depending on whether or not I’m using warm/hot or cold water. My laundry game is vicious. And don’t even get me started on my folding game.

I’m thankful for Black people.

I love Black people. We keep me entertained to no end. Just when I think we can’t come up with any new way to set ourselves back I find out that somebody forgot to kill OJ Simpson and was ALMOST about to let him release a book detailing how he WOULD have killed Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

Oy vey. Boy, old Rupert Murdoch was gonna catch some serious flack for that one wasn’t he?? (The book was going to be published by a subsidiary of NewsCorp, of which Rupert Murdoch is the principal stockholder).

I’m thankful for white people.

It’s true. I pretty much love everybody anyway, but white folks are just fun. And so helpful at times. Plus, without white people the economy of America would go under in something like a nanosecond seeing as the rest of minorities would all be late showing up.

Oh wait, the Hispanic folks would definitely be on time and working extremely hard. Word to Vicente Fox.

But if you left if to us los Negroes??? Down down down…yeah, I said it.

I’m thankful for Michael Richards.

Yes he’s a racist. And no, nothing he can say at this point will stop me from thinking otherwise. Thing is, I’m okay with it. At least he, for a brief moment, was being honest. And that’s not on display enough in this great country of ours. I appreciate it when people actually say how they feel and DON’T apologize for it. The world is becoming to doggone politically correct. If we could all sit down and let folks say how they really feel, I think we’d get much further in race relations than we are. And all we’d need is Wolf Blitzer and Dave Chappelle to moderate.

That would be the real United Nations.

I’m thankful that I didn’t lose my sister.

I don’t often get extremely personal on here though I’ve done it a time or two, but a few months back I was deathly afraid that my little sister was going to take her own life. Everytime somebody called me from home I was afraid it was going to be a phone call tellling me to come home because she’d finally done it. Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer because of that. It literally scared me to tears at one point. Those that know me well know how much my little sister means to me…she’s probably the one person I’d lay down my life for.

Anyway, after much prodding, begging, and pleading, she FINALLY decided to allow us to help her help herself and she seems to be doing much better. I heard hear laugh for the first time in what seems like months a few days ago. So, trust me…I’m very thankful for this one. Still has a long way to go, but at least she’s still here to try.

Whew…

I’m thankful for Homecomings.

I wrote about this already but I seriously don’t think I can date a woman who has no respect for homecoming, especially and HBCU homecoming. Deal breaker.

Similarly, any woman who thinks the best rapper on Earth is one of Dem Franchize Boys also has no place in my life. One of the Ying Yang Twins however, well, I’ll at least listen.

Speaking of which…

I’m thankful for nutty ass women.

So many out there and so many who bring so many different things to the table. I’m often amazed at some of the things I’ve learned from nutty ass women. I can’t get into any details here, just trust me.

I’m thankful for gangs of Mexican penguins.

So I went to see Happy Feet last weekend. Dumbest damn movie ever. The baby penguins are cute and all but man was that a bad movie. It was only saved by this gang of Mexican penguins who were just downright hilarious. Fun-loving. The kind of penguins you’d want to kick it with. Plus, they also gave me my new saying:

“I’ve got personality with a capital Y. Y? Because I’m hot!!”

El classic-o.

I’m thankful for stupid ass sayings that sound like stuff I’d say.

Well, clearly you just heard one, but on Jay Z’s latest offering he has a song called “Beach Chair”. And in this song called “Beach Chair”, Jay posits that life is but a beach chair. And it probably has some really deep meaning about what happens when folks grow up and move on from the limelight or whatever…

It’s still dumb. However, I love it and have been running around ending conversations like this:

“I’m sexxy and remember, life is but a beach chair.”

You can’t stop it. Can’t stop it. Spin the Q-Tip. Throw it away.

Lastly…

I’m thankful that I’m alive.

I love life and I love living. I don’t have much room for sourpuss’ (dude, total double entendre there) who like to bring other folks days down. I like smiling and I like smiley faces. Hell I like Gnarls Barkley. I love my friends and my family. I love living.

If my time is up tomorrow, I’ve had a hell of a run. And I’m at peace with that. Plus, my insurance will cover all of my outstanding bills.

Clearly this list isn’t exhaustive, but I am. I’m done now.

So Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Eat well and if you will be doing any drinking and you’re in North Alabama, let me know. I’ll be around…