Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

I’m considering bringing back some of Panama’s propositions. I mean its been a long time. And really, I shouldn’t have left you. Lucky for you, I left you with some dope writes to read to.

Anyway, today might mark the beginning of the end. Like a New Edition reunion show.

Woosah, bitches.

It’s officially 2008.

I’m officially getting old.

Luckily I’m officially sexxy.

Bitches.

Like many other people of the diaspora (pick a diaspora, any diaspora) I was out celebrating my arse off last night. The difference for me is that I was at work celebrating. There’s something special about required celebration as your job. Trust me there is.

Oh, and there’s something about Mary. But you didn’t hear that from me.

And I’m still a little drunk. For real. I know we sell this shit at our club but trust me when I tell you to never ever in your life drink Freixent champagne. It fucked me the fuck up. I had a few shots of other shit and drank a few *bottles* of that champagne and by the time I left the building I was hurt.

Unfortunately so was everybody else in a management position. Egads! Nothing like working at a club where the actual ownership/management parties harder than the patrons. Word.Life.

So despite my current inebriated state (close to Iowa, but so not really), I felt the need to kick off the year properly. By blogging…

I do this for my culture. And the kids.

I do it because I love you like Lenny Williams. And also because I’m about to undertake a large scale undertaking. We’ll see if at this time next year we can all say that I undertook my undertaking. We shall hope for the best.

“So, I typed a text to this girl I used to see…”

Just felt like typing that out.

Stardate: Day 1

Star Jones date? Scary shit.

Heh heh heh.

I hope your holidays were as warm and fuzzy as mine were. And that your turntable came with a belt like mine didn’t. Read that backwards to get it going forward.

Goodnight and goodluck.

And you don’t know why yet, but be on the look out for Sekani Williams. You don’t know why but I’m telling you so that you know. I know some of you folks are kneedeep in the music business and its many facets *coughMonkcough* so it’s always good to be aware of those folks who will blow. Very talented lyricist out of the Baltimore/DC area by way of New York City.

So just know that I told you so.

Sounds like a song lyric doesn’t it?

No?

I agree.

Sekani Williams.

Goodnight and goodluck, people.

Goodnight and goodluck.

P.S. Let me also say that it’s quite entertaining to come to my very own site and see a new layout that I had nothing to do with. Thanks Liz. Me love you long time. Innocently of course. Heh heh heh.

Boredom besets me. So I figured I’d share random shit. Follow me.

Yesterday as I drove into work I was approached by a homeless man asking for money but simultaneously trying to sell me bootleg CDs. I’m not sure why this struck me as odd that the bootlegger would be homeless except…

…how the hell do you make bootlegs, Mr. I Don’t Have a Home So Give Me Some Money For Food. Bootlegging requires equipment. My guess is that he either robbed somebody or some cat just gave him the CD’s to sell a la the drug world. Ya know, you sell these for me and get to keep a cut off the profits. I can’t lie I’ve pondered doing that with people before since I get everything hella early.

I saw a grown ass man wearing a dress slacks today but had them hanging off his ass as he trapised into work. Needless to say he looked like shit. Dress slacks aren’t intended to be hanging off of one’s ass. They are intended to be worn at the waist. Sagging in dress pants actually looks like you took a real shit on yourself, not the mythical shit that most people say it looks like. Nope, looks like a real one.

I was reading CNN today and it seems that a missing girl has been found and she was a porn “star”. Now, when I read the story nothing about her seemed to indicate actual porn star so much as chick who got naked and might have sucked a few on film. That doesn’t make her a star. Nasty? Perhaps. But star? Not so much. That’s not to say that I judge the porn industry. Fucking is good so there’s no reason why somebody shouldn’t be getting paid for it. Plus, some porn is just downright entertaining. This harkens back to anytime a nigga gets shot and he owns a microphone he gets labeled as a rapper who’s been killed. Just cuz a motherfucker is “aspiring” doesn’t make him something. But since that’s how the media gets down, in the event that I get mowed down on the merciless DC streets, I’d like the papers to read: Aspiring Billionaire Panama Muhfuckin’ Bought The Farm

That’s fun on so many levels.

It’s looking like it’s going to be a good 4th quarter for rap music. Maybe sales wise anyway. I can’t say that I’ve cared much for a large majority of the major label albums that have come out. I’ve already stated my opinion on Alicia Keys. There is just no way anybody can convince me that she’s great. It’s impossible. I’m not a Wu-Tang fan at all and this new album isn’t exactly going to convert me. American Gangster was good though. I might have already played it out though. Freeway? Sure, I’ll drive on one but I pretty much can’t stand him and his album, though critiqued as being so great, really is just bleh to me.

So Lauren London is dating Lil Wayne? Hmm…that should give hope to ugly motherfuckers everywhere as fine as she is. Though it doesn’t say much for her mentally. Have you read interviews by Lil Weeziana lately? He sounds like he smokes that good greeny green green at least 2 to 300 times a day. Not only is he non-sensical he’s completely indecipherable. Go ahead, TRY to figure out the distinction between the two. Not only do most of his verses not make much sense but now his interviews are following suit. Weezy F. Baby (please say the Baby) my just crazy himself right out of the young people’s consciousness.

Of course if Soulja Boy is the next hope then God forgive us all.

Save us too.

Apparently Diamond from Crime Mobb has left and gone solo. And in more news you couldn’t care less about, I’m wearing Timberlands today.

I mentioned before about the large amounts of crime going down in my neighborhood. Well, I’ll be got damned if it aint continuing and the shit aint happening at 3am. Nope. A few blocks over from me some folks got robbed at a bus stop at 545pm. Granted its dark then but shit…criminals just have NO respect for the law.

I heard the word comport for the first time yesterday ever. I still don’t know what it means as I’ve yet to look it up but man that’s an interesting word.

Which brings up another point. In my job, I do a lot of legal research and reading. There are too many damn words in the English language. We have 80 words that mean the same shit. No wonder why English is such a hard language to learn, it’s convoluted. Viva la Spanish. Now they’ve got it down. Hell, even most people have the same names. Yell Maria in a Latino area and see how many folks turn around. That’s progress right there!

You ever go into the bathroom at work and somebody’s made themselves a little bit too comfortable? You too? Public restrooms should be a place of peace and quiet. I shouldn’t feel offended by your bathroom manner. Stop it, you!

Okay, I’m bored now so I’ll stop.

…the most important person with all due respect.

Seriously, how funny would it be if somebody quoted Jay’s first verse from “Roc Boys” during the roundtable thank-you’s that so many people perform during their pre-gobblage on Thanksgiving Day.

Thanks to the duffle bag, the brown paper bag, the Nike shoebox for holding all the cash. And I can attest to that. As somebody known for stashing cash in his shoes and shoeboxes, I’ve found that not only are Nike shoe boxes good for stashing dough, actual Nike SHOES are as good. One I’ve often found myself stashing my random wads of $20s in my basketball shoes.

Well Thanksgiving is upon us and it’s a time to proffer all of the thanks we can for various things. And most of us have much to give thanks for; family, friends, health, toenails, etc.

Basically the usual suspects always get their just due. So I figure, I might as well give thanks for some things that most people might not think about.

Allons-y.

I’d like to thank my neighborhood listserv for alerting of just how much damn crime goes down in my neighborhood. There’s nothing like living in a neighborhood where you feel completely safe only to find out that folks homes are getting broken into and cars are getting jacked left and right. Since I joined my neighborhood’s listserv, I’ve gained lots of information about my ‘hood. I’ve also realized that my ‘hood is actually the ‘Hood. Man, niggas get robbed ON MY BLOCK in broad daylight. It’s happened a few times. And I literally mean on my block. At like 5pm. When it’s light outside. Thank you Neighborhood listserv for alerting me that though I live in one of DC’s up-and-coming premier residential neighborhoods…there are still crackheads for a reason.

I’d like to thank my cat for using my hands and feet as a personal scratching post. Why just last week my cat tattoed my hand with a signed-sealed-and delivered spiderweb of bloody streaks. Playful little something which reminds me…

…thanks for pet nail clippers, which is like SO self-explanatory.

Thanks for Firefox. Sometime a few weeks ago, the powers that be at the place of employment shut down Instant Messenging like a motherfucker. I mean I couldn’t access shit. This is both good and bad since like I said, my productivity went up. What I failed to realize was that I actually had shit to do then. Now that I’m chillin’, my head was spinning trying to craft work I actually wanted to do. Enter Firefox. For whatever reason, yesterday I decided to just use Firefox instead of Internet Explorer as my main browser and voila…G-Chat was in effect like a big bitch. Which if you’ve ever seen a big bitch, then you know what I’m talking about. Heh heh heh.

Sure, that last sentence made no sense. Then again, neither does Nirvana.

Thanks to bootleggers who made it possible for me to cop American Gangster on DVD before its theatrical release, further allowing me to pay 5 dollars for a crystal clear version of an alright but not stellar movie that left much to be desired.

Thanks to pregnant Halle Berry for still taking pictures with the ta-ta’s on blast. Yippee.

Thanks to Nahright.com for ALWAYS having that hot new shit for me to download so that I can stay ahead of the hip-hop curve.

Thanks to cooler weather because women’s fashion was getting ridiculously out of control. I don’t know about where you live, but here in DC, women are some serious fashion misfits. Especially the younger crowd. Just think of any outfit you’d never put together — not only should you then put it on, but you should also accessorize it with lots of shiny ridiculous shit, some utterly fugly boots of some sort and get braids. And put some color in your braids…AND THEN claim that Baltimore is the most bamma city on the planet…

…while looking like a nigga from Baltimore.

Which reminds me of something. I went to school in Atlanta and I’m from down South. When folks from upnorth come down to Atlanta they tend to initially clown a lot of our southern customs before falling headfirst into them (Master P and Cash Money, anyone?). It’s funny when you move up North and you realize that folks are as bad if not WORSE than the shit you see down south. Times have changed now since everybody looks like a very bad emulation of what we think white punk rockers look like.

STOP. Isn’t it funny how a few years ago white people were all on their Paul Wall shit trying to look and dress like Black folks…and NOW Black folks are doing their best “rock star” impressions, albeit with flair. I mean its not nearly as extreme as when white people do it, but its definitely an interesting look.

Anyway, I remember people acting like Atlanta was SO damn countryish. Then I moved to DC. You drive 10 minutes south of DC and there aren’t even streetlights. In Maryland. In a major suburb of DC. Shit looks like driving through backroads on the set of Deliverance.

Back to my thank you’s….

I’d like to thank the little people. Smurfs are our friends. Similarly, I’d like to thank the writers from Robot Chicken for making some of the funniest shit I’ve ever seen. Viva la Adult Swim.

Thanks to Nickelodean and Drake & Josh because that show just has me dying laughing most times. So because me and my girlfriend are apparently insane, we leave the TV on everyday in case the cat wants to “watch” TV or at least hear something in the background so as not to feel so alone. We leave on Nick. I get home and Drake & Josh is on. Now I’m an avid watcher.

I’ve begun to bore myself so thanks to the people that make it do what it do like they’re doing it for TV.

Thanks for life. And the boys in blue who put greed before the badge.

Thanks for my sexxiness.

Just, thanks.

You good?

Good. Me too.

Let me tell you something. Recently at the J-O-Bullshitin’ (hopin’ that my day goes slow), they’ve cut all forms of instant messenging. As in I can’t even access Google’s, G-chat. You know, the shit that’s EMBEDDED into their actual site. Oy vey. I’m one of those individuals who spends all day talking to people online. Mind you, I could easily pick up the phone and call all of these individuals however it’s so much easier and more convenient to just talk to everybody while we’re all trapped at our various paying gigs. Funny how instant messenger ruined the phone for me.

Anyway, the lack of IM capability has been a slight annoyance but I’ve also never been more productive in my working life. Of course, fuck-a-job and all but it does allow me to keep my lights on. And lights are good. Kind of like the smooth refreshing taste of key lime pie. And I love me some key lime pie.

I miss my people on IM though. So sad. Pour out a little liquor for Panama Muhfuckin’s daily conversation with any and everybody. Shout outs to the Boom and BlackMartha (who probably hasn’t gone by that name in years).

I was reading the other day that T.I. — in his boredom — has taken to recording new material for an upcoming album entitled Paper Trail, so titled because he’s actually writing down his rhymes right now. Apparently he hasn’t written anything down over his past few albums. Hmm…you need more people duke. Two things here:

1) I’m getting tired of rappers trumpeting their lack of writing as if that makes them special. It doesn’t. It just means you don’t write anything down. Thing is…WE CAN TELL. Short of Jay (who I still don’t believe has never written anything down) and Big, very rarely has anybody who essentially took 3 minutes to think of a verse and gone to lay it down come up with anything stellar. And assuming that Jay and Biggie actually never did write anything down, they are more the exception than the rule.

Then you have the Lil Wayne ass niggas who clearly don’t write anything down and come up with one hot verse per hundred. That’s. Not. Good. It’s bad even. It’s failing. I wonder if all of these people swearing that Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive are actually listening to him and not just his flow which is top notch. The nigga knows how to ride a beat. Kudos. Sure would be nice if you could say something worth listening to a la “Hollywood Divorce”, Dwayne.

2) I think we’re giving people too much credit for that shit. What these niggas do is not go and freestyle the best verses you’ve ever heard. Nope. Hurricane Chris does that. Word. Life. What they do is essentially listen to a beat and write it down in their head. It might take 30 minutes, it might take an hour. I write verses all the time and by the time I have them done, I usually have them memorized. We need to champion these cats good memories, not the fact that “they don’t write shit down”. Who cares if you ain’t saying nothing worth listening too.

Sidenote: If you do write everything down and still suck, stop rapping and get a job mopping floors at your local hospital. Save us all.

And no, I don’t believe that T.I. didn’t write down shit on King, especially on the song, “I’m Talking To You” because if he did, he’s the greatest mental-rapper alive.

Have you seen the video for the remix to DJ Khaled’s “I’m So Hood”? No? Thank your lucky stars and whoever you pray too. Never have I seen a video that was so terribly shitty in my whole life that it made me dislike a song. And I LOVE “I’m So Hood”. That shit knocks so hard.

The video? Not so much. Full disclosure here is that I abhor DJ Khaled. He has no real talent from what I can tell and he’s just uberfucking annoying. Like on the “I’m so annoying” scale he rates a cool 100 with 100 being the most points you can obtain. Despite his random telling us that he is –indeed– the best, he is not. Further, what the fuck are you (we, nigga) the best at? He has the most grating voice ever of all DJ’s and that’s saying something. He attempts to be pseudo-hard with ridiculous “thugged” out body language. I just want to slap the fuck out of him every time I see him. And that’s an honest emotion. I really detest this man.I feel like I know him.

Here’s the video:

This video is the most pisspoorly done video I’ve seen in a long while. I remember first seeing it and asking myself why the fuck they forgot to edit it and essentially make the entire video look like it wasn’t done with 10 dollars and somebody’s cousin Nino’s video camera from 1993. I remember my parents video camera from back then…better quality video than this ass sandwich. Honestly, it looks terrible. It’s like they shot the rappers in HDTV and put the blue-screen (why did they do this with a blue screen? it’s the fucking streets…they couldn’t FIND a street to shoot this on?) in the my first analog tv mode.

Simply said it looks like shit and Busta Rhymes looks like a muppet. DJ Khaled? Go kill yourself.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t send an R.I.P. shoutout to Donda West, better known as Kanye’s mother. Man do I feel for that brother. Not too many rappers put their entire life on display like he has. Interesting enough, the rappers that have all have very prominent mothers in their careers from Eminem to Tupac. Somehow, because these rappers put so much of their business in the street, you almost feel like you know them so that when something tragic does happen you feel like a family-member was lost. That’s how I felt. I just wanted to shake Kanye’s hand and tell him it would be alright. At least she got to witness and participate in her son’s success in life. He made his mark and she got to witness it, but man…

…hold your head Kanye. Hold your head.

It’s interesting, I have a million focused ideas I plan on writing about but I show up here and write random shit.

Luckily I’m sexxy.

Good night and good luck.

It was written.

*wiping dust off this thing*

I don’t even know the last time I wrote something here.

Okay, that’s a lie. Especially since these here blogs are timestamped and all sugarcoatery sweet. But you get the point. The kid took a mean two week vacation from all of his jobs.

The kid = me.

I ventured to the good ole dirty South and the dirty streets of New York City. I didn’t do much of anything but sit around and watch television with the joy of knowing that I didn’t have to wake up too early or anything. If all I wanted to do was scratch myself all day, then by George, all I had to do was scratch myself.

Well, that and stay hydrated. It was dastardly hot down South. I saw old friends that I don’t get to see enough. I debated life and its hardships with people. Specifically the Michael Vick case which has managed to not even make CNN anymore. Oh what a short attention span we have in this country.

A good question was posed to me. This question baffled me since it had never even really dawned on me before it was posed by one of my hombres in the NYC. Harlem to be exact. Lennox Terrace stand up.

How in the hell does Michael Vick NOT have a plan in place to pay off any of his “boys” who are going to dime him out? Basically, what the fuck happened to the contingency plan in case shit went, ya know, wrong?

Like it did.

If I’m a multi-millionaire athlete with promises of muchos moreo denero, you better believe that I will never even almost face jail time. All of my compadres will be well paid and under the impression that as long as we all shut the fuck up, we’ll all live well. I wonder what happened in the Vick case.

I’m trying to decide if I plan on writing a review of Kanye’s album. I absolutely love it though I keep reading reviews that pan it. There seems to be a very polarized opinion on this album. It’s either hate or love without much in-between. Some folks think it needs to grow on them. All I know is that on September 11th, make sure you pick up Graduation. It’s not as ambitious an album as his last two but man, its one good ass album by any measuring stick.

You know who puts on one hell of a live show? Camp Lo. That’s who.

What the fuck does cranking that Roosevelt mean?

And how does one first crank that Roosevelt and THEN supersoak that ho? Does it work in reverse? Like can I supersoak a ho and then crank that Roosevelt or would that result in some other form of crankage?

Somehow, I need to know this in my life.

I watched Dreamgirls last night for the first time since I saw it at the movies. Hmm…it seemed way more terrible at home than it did at the movies. Perhaps it’s one of those films best suited (and only) suited for theaters because it just seemed long, boring, and way too singy. And I didn’t mind the singy at the theater.

But let me tell you what movie is good, Just Friends. Some random ass movie on Showtime had me in actual tears from laughing so hard.

Super Bad? Not so much though it was enormously funny despite serious lulls in the middle. Oh yeah, and it was a total emo cum homo-erotic tale of two boys who seemingly have to break up with one another. If another grown ass man puts his pointer finger on my nose twice in a loveydovey flick motion…I just might have to robocop that ho.

On Sunday night/Monday morning I returned home at roughly 430am. Across the street from me, was a man laying on a white Mustang. The catch? He was sleeping standing up resting his head on the roof of the car. This motherfucker fell asleep standing up and then leaning on his car. I swear I never want to be so drunk where robbery has to happen on GP. Luckily, I was raised right.

Hello world, meet Sugar Whitewall. Today, you do not know why you need to know who that is. Just know that it’s important to know the name Sugar Whitewall.

And cut.

That title up there was a one-day title of the album I’ve been infrequently working on for the past two years. For one whole day I thought it was a good idea. I got over that really quickly.

Why am I sharing this? Because sharing is caring.

The more you know. *ding*

So I think I’ve officially decided to start blogging again. You may be asking yourself, “Self, why would Panama decide to start blogging again?”

Now, that would be a strange question to ask yourself considering that you’d probably have no idea why Panama would indeed decide to start blogging again, further, why in tarnation would you even think that you’d think you’d know why Panama would decide to start blogging again?

I mean really people, there’s only room for one narcissistic sexxy bastard in everybody rear view and it ain’t Kanye.

Speaking of Kanye, have you heard his new single, “Can’t Tell Me Nothing”? That one song has me completely anticipating his album. I can’t wait to hear what else he’s got cooked up. It’s so far left field from what he normally does. Sure he isn’t breaking any new ground lyrically, but I’ll be damned if it just ain’t a hell of a way to say, “I’m Kanye and I can do most shit better than the rest of you fucks out there.”

Kanye just might be my role model. Between him and Usher, its no wonder I have an inflated sense of self. Not to say that it isn’t a completely warranted and deserved inflated sense of self, I’m just saying that I’m humble and I do what nobody else can do.

That last sentence was sponsored by Kanye West and Usher Raymond. You have to love anybody who says things like that out loud and actually believes it despite the sheer ridiculousness of those statements.

*cough*iamhov*cough*

And further speaking of Jay-Z, it pains me to say this, but he REALLY should have just saved that horseshit verse he threw on Rihanna’s song, “Umbrella”. I love that damn song but man does his verse suck. He adds nothing to the song and doesn’t even ride the beat well with that damn “in anticipation for precipitation…” rehashed line.

For the first time in history, I wish Jay wouldn’t have jumped on a song. Can we please have a moment of silence, Jerry Falwell killed hip-hop.

So…after all that randomness, the reason I decided to come back to blogging is twofold.

1) We The Voices has returned and I realize that after you’ve taken a break from writing, it’s very easy to never want to write shit again. I need to get back into a continuous flow of writing. Since We The Voices was my baby, it serves me only write that I should probably be the most prolific writer on there, however, as of yet, I haven’t felt like writing shit. So I need to get back in the saddle and ride that puppy reckless.

After re-reading that last sentence, I’d like to apologize to PETA. And yes, that was a ‘spicious sentence. I’m currently wearing a pink shirt.

Besides, part of the audience from We The Voices came directly from my own blog site. Makes no sense to re-launch something with no actual audience or platform for an audience. Back in the saddle, bitches.

Plus, there needs to be some reason for me to actually wear my, “Tell a friend to google Panama Jackson” t-shirt.

By the way, why are there dandelions in the parking garage?

2) There is just way to much stupid shit going on in the world right now for me not to comment on it. I mean seriously. Despite the fact that about 4 people might read this, you simply must head over to this story:

Dumb Niggas Shoot Eachother Because That’s What Dumb Niggas Do

Okay, that’s not the real title but it should have been. And if I was the Editor-In-Chief of a magazine or a Black-run media outlet I’d have let that shit slide.

Oh…wait.

Dammit.

Anyway, these two niggas had one of their friends (oh, and despite the fact that I’ve asked msyelf to curb my use of the word “nigga” in writing, somehow it just seems quite appropos here), shoot them in the legs so that they could avoid being hazed by the frat that they had been accepted to pledge.

Hmm…correct me if I’m wrong here, but when you signed up for the shit, you knew what you were doing bucko. Man up, bitches. As was pointed out by the officers in the story, there were SO many other means they could have come up with if it was THAT bad that they wanted to avoid the hazing. And um, to the campus spokesperson who says that hazing doesn’t exist anymore…

…I pooh-pooh on your assetion.

I’m compelled to ask a question in resonse to this, “who fuckin’ does that??”

Oh right, I already answered this, “dumb niggas”. Hmmm, think about this too…wouldn’t you be a little bit suspicious of your friend who ACTUALLY pulled the trigger…on both of you? I’ll just give him a flier on this and say that he just wasn’t thinking of the potential of murder part of the attempted-assisted-suicide murder that his pussy boys asked him to commit. Just gives me pause that some cat would be okay with it.

“Yo, Jerome, after you find my mirror, can you shoot me?”

“Yeah, no problem, give me like 2 minutes…I’ll be right there.”

Oh yeah, and the dumb niggas left the gun IN THE CAR that they drove to the hospital in.

Seriously though, if you ever ask me to shoot you to get out of something, I’m calling the police myself. You need Jesus. And the person who you get to actually go through with the shooting might help you find him. Accidentally.

Dumb niggas. They’re even dumber because not only can they NOT plege that frat anymore, they can’t release any rap albums because the streets teach us that shooting one’s self to get out of some shit is the most pussy form of self-defense. You get no street cred for those bullets. And as their parents, I’d disown them.

Anyway, stuff like that makes me want to blog again, so I shall.

I’m back bitches.

I can’t leave blogging alone the game needs me.

It was written.

Today’s post is sponsored by Allhiphop and it’s famous and unfuckwitable rumors section.

*applause*

Allhiphop is the first website I check everyday after I turn my computer on. Before I get to my personal email or even my work email. Some things are just more important than communicating with people you’d rather not actually speak to. I always read the latest on which rapper got arrested or shot (sometimes both) or what other strange goings on are permeating the rap community and then it’s straight to the rumors section because there is ALWAYS something interesting. And yes, they are rumors, but let’s just do what everybody else in America does, ignore the facts and just pretend its all true.

With that in mind, we are going to analyze the rumors section of Allhiphop.com today. Allons-y.

Rumors in italics.

JD AND JANET ON THE ROCKS?

This is getting to be a lil’ tired – you know, people anticipating the death of a couple’s relationship. Here were are…talking about it. There’s some talk that Janet now has nobody to look out for her interests at Virgin now that JD has quit his high-post position over there. He quit, because he was riding for her ��� corporate protest. You know, he produced 20 Y.O. and sales were under-whelming. So, now Janet is reportedly talking with her old producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to get her on track? I don’t know, but that���s the word! Anyway, the chasm widens, according to rumors, but I think they will be OK. They have stuck by each other through thick and thin – literally! Anyway, they were at the Billboard Awards together looking happy!

Hmm…in the event that the two of them are actually on the rocks, I’d like to refer to a quote I like to read from time to time:

“…sometimes the business end of this shit can turn your friends against you…” ~ Dr. Dre “What’s The Difference” 2001

Nothing ruins a relationship like finances and fucking with one’s career. Cheating…eh…folks get over that. But you mess with their money? Crikey. Thing is, Janet’s album 20 Y.O. was not just a commercial flop, it completely sucked. I listened to it. I know asstastic music when I hear it. Janet Jackson, meet your destiny. She tried to let JD do it, and truth be told, that’s her fault, but I’m sure he convinced her that if he could save Mariah Carey then one nipple couldn’t stop him from saving Janet’s career too. Um…no. Thing is, weren’t Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis on this album too?? I know Janet is an entertainer, but the people have spoken…we want Bush out, Democrats in and nobody really gives a shit about Janet anymore. We’ll all just listen to Rhythm Nation or Janet and be done with it. Buh-bye.

Though you have to wonder, had Janet released an album right after Nipplegate, do you think it would have sold well? Is she the only artist that controversy doesn’t help?

MORE DIVORCE ON THE HORIZON?

Y’all know, I believe in the power of love, even if I don’t feel the love from people these days. At any rate, I don’t want to see Madonna go through a divorce, but rumor has it her marriage with Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. Word has it, the pair have done the necessary work and gotten a counselor to mend the rift. Apparently, Madonna’s very public and controversial adoption of an African baby boy has caused some tension in the house. Now, it���s not the boy, but rather how Madonna acts around him as the rumored source of beef. I wish them the best, especially for their other two kids.

Yeah, so I kind of don’t care. Then again, you just have to wonder about all of these celebrities picking off little African babies. Hell, there are plenty of needy little Black babies in America if there thing is babies of color. I’m not completely sure how I feel about this yet, but something ain’t right.

50 CENT & G-UNIT DROPPED?!?!

As you may or may not know, there’s a crazy rumor running around that 50 Cent, Eminem, G-Unit and even Shady Records were all getting the ax by Jimmy Iovine! Now, I admit I heard some things and even heard some of the names of the artists, but this rumor was getting crazy. Anyway, I heard it���s not true and that 50 Cent and the crew aren’t going anywhere just yet. They can’t ’til I get my MOP album. But, other cuts might be coming… its not hardly safe ��� TRUST! With a double album coming out, is it possible that 50 Cent is planning to defect? Just a question.

Is the 50 Dynasty crumbling? This rumor has already been confirmed as false by an Interscope executive but let’s think on this. Clearly, 50′s acts aren’t exactly top shelf anymore. Perhaps its oversaturation or perhaps people have finally realized that short of 50 and Young Buck, every G-Unit album has, for lack of a better term, sucked. People who like G-Unit albums tell me they like LOX albums…and they suck too. Now let’s be clear, 50 Cent ain’t getting dropped. That’s in nobody’s best interest at Interscope. And the inability to drop 50 means you can’t drop his G-Unit roster…but he managed to make Mobb Deep irrelevant. Which, as we all know, is a feat unto itself. It ain’t like anybody was really checking for a new Mobb Deep album anyway but you’d think the added firepower of 50 would help. Not so much. And I’d like to put out an APB on M.O.P. Them niggas just can’t catch a break I swear.

FREE M.O.P.

That’s my new cause in life. Right after I jump back onto the “Reincarcerate Yayo” bandwagon that some genius started a few years ago. That person is my hero.

But how fuckin’ amazing would it be to see 50 Cent’s entire empire crumble. Don’t they already sell G-Unit shit damn near exclusively at Marshall’s and TJ Maxx…which ain’t a knock. But I just bought a suit, 10 shirts, 20 ties, and a partridge and a pear tree from there for 19.99. Granted, it was Kenneth Kohl but still.

BE A FATHER – IF NOT WHY BOTHER?

Remember Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice. They were going on vacations together and their kids were playing together. Now, rumor has it, the Spice girl is pregnant and Eddie did a ghost move. According to tmz, this dude is questioning the paternity of the lil’ bun in the oven! When an interviewer asked if he was happy with Mel B, he said, “You’re being presumptuous, because we’re not together anymore. And I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” That’s word to Ed OG.

“He’s a NIIIIIIIIIGGER…HE’S A NIGGGGGGGGGGER”

What?

LIL��� WAYNE MAD?

He also reportedly dissed The Clipse and Pharrell too. I wonder if he’ll take it back on the radio.

Has Lil Wayne lost his fuckin’ mind? So let me get this right. You’re going to get pissed off at the nigga who’s style you straight SWAGGER JACKED??? Isn’t that a violation of Rappin’ 101?? How can you claim to be better than the nigga you owe your entire livelihood to? Especially when you’re kind of not better. This brings up another point too…

…the fuck is this? Dis-That-Nigga Jay Month? Good got damn. Raekwon, LL Cool J, Lil Wayne, Jim Jones (though I am enjoying that one…I’d like them to keep that one up), and POTENTIALLY even Bow Wow? Come the fuck on. I know LL Cool J got beef since he feels like Jay ain’t getting behind his projects…then again, I wonder if LL has even heard his own shit. His albums are fuckin’ horrible nowadays. Promotion wouldn’t save those. If LL didn’t look like he does women wouldn’t buy his albums (which apparently has stopped happening).

LL Cool J…you suck now. Give it up. Plus, you’re too easy a target for Jay. Hell, he wouldn’t even have to do a song, he could just do a press conference and show up with your last, like 5 albums, put them on display, throw up his hands and he’d be declared the victor. People think Kingdom Come is bad…okay…but damn LL, people don’t even OWN your albums anymore.

Raekwon…yeah, until he manages to put out an actual good album this decade (Only Built For Cuban Links is over 10 years old now…hmmm, one hot album every 10 year average, anyone?) he can shut the fuck up too. In fact, all these niggas need to be easy. In my opinion, Jay needs to just do a song called “Like Father, Like Son” and just take Lil Wayne down a notch or two since, ya know, he BIRTHED that nigga’s whole persona and style.

I hate Black people sometimes.

I think I’ll just stop there.

Well, tomorrow anyway.

Thanksgiving has long been my favorite holiday. It’s the one holiday where a large segment of my family comes together. We tend to use Thanksgiving as an excuse to have a mini-family reunion every year. I like Christmas but it’s usually more segmented in my family. But Kill-An-Injun Day? All in.

So because I’ll be returning from whence I came (read back Down South) I wanted to wish everybody a Happy Thanksgiving holiday and in turn, tell you a few things that I’m thankful for…for yes, I am thankful.

This Is My Thank You For 2004 (but really 2006)

I’m thankful for Jim Jones.

I know this a vast departure from my earlier stances which placed him as Satan’s right hand man, if he wasn’t Satan himself, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t one entertaining SOB. Have you read an interview of his? Or just listened to him talk? He’s more entertaining than 50 Cent – and that’s saying something. I mean, he sincerely seems to get a kick out of life and everything that gets thrown at him. True he’s the biggest hater on the planet, but he does it with flair. I mean, what OTHER rapper do you know that would actually take a diss track from somebody (in this case Jay-Z), add two more verses, and release it to radio to get more spins. AND…truly get a kick out of it. And to add insult to injury, he’s become way more of a star than Cam’ron…makes no sense to me either. Viva la Jim Jones.

I’m thankful for collard greens and spaghetti salad.

True, this doesn’t even really need much explanation but I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m one of the absolute pickiest eaters you will ever come across…except when it comes to my mother or my sister’s cooking. I’ll eat anything they make. Even cauliflower, and I HATE cauliflower. Well I’ll be at home and (God-willing) they’ll both be there cooking. It’s the only time I’m more than willing to wash the dishes because the food was worth it. Ya know, I think I may have lost a potential girlfriend once because she was afraid to cook for me because she didn’t think she could handle the rejection. Oh well, I lost one…one…one….

Sorry, I’m a champion.

I’m thankful for my friends.

Yeah, yeah, I get mushy every now and then. From three dimensional to letters on a computer screen. From Los Angeles to Atlanta to New York to DC to Huntsville to Boston to Baltimore, etc. I’ve got some doggone good friends.

I’m thankful for Stacey Dash.

Not only did she win the tourney this year, she gives me hope that it is entirely possible to find and marry a woman who might just be that damn fine for the rest of her life. Hell, I might even throw Angela Bassett and Pam Grier into this one. Am I superficial? Mmhmm…and they give me hope and faith that I, too, can marry a banging ass MILF.

I wonder who will start the GMILF since there really are 30 year old grandparents running around here.

Hey, hey…did you hear that 4 out of 10 kids born nowadays are born out of wedlock and that teenage mothers aren’t the bulk. In fact, teenage mothers have been declining over the past few years. Nope, it’s the independent women bracket (20′s) that’s kicking up the stats now.

Take that Ronald Reagan.

I’m thankful for college football.

It’s my favorite sport and my favorite time of the year to watch television. And I’m REALLY praying for a Michigan-Ohio State rematch.

I’m thankful for Tide Laundry Detergent.

Washing clothes is my favorite chore. In fact, when I get married, I’m going to specifically request that I get to wash all of my own clothes assuming my wife doesn’t trust me with her unmentionables.

Hmm…so if you mention unmentionables, doesn’t that actually make them mentionables? It can’t be unmentionable if you actually mention it can it? Things like this keep me up at night.

But yes, back to Tide. I’ve tried various laundry detergents, but none quite gets my clothes smelling and feeling the way I want like Tide. Hell, I’ve got two different kinds of Tide that I use depending on whether or not I’m using warm/hot or cold water. My laundry game is vicious. And don’t even get me started on my folding game.

I’m thankful for Black people.

I love Black people. We keep me entertained to no end. Just when I think we can’t come up with any new way to set ourselves back I find out that somebody forgot to kill OJ Simpson and was ALMOST about to let him release a book detailing how he WOULD have killed Nicole Brown-Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

Oy vey. Boy, old Rupert Murdoch was gonna catch some serious flack for that one wasn’t he?? (The book was going to be published by a subsidiary of NewsCorp, of which Rupert Murdoch is the principal stockholder).

I’m thankful for white people.

It’s true. I pretty much love everybody anyway, but white folks are just fun. And so helpful at times. Plus, without white people the economy of America would go under in something like a nanosecond seeing as the rest of minorities would all be late showing up.

Oh wait, the Hispanic folks would definitely be on time and working extremely hard. Word to Vicente Fox.

But if you left if to us los Negroes??? Down down down…yeah, I said it.

I’m thankful for Michael Richards.

Yes he’s a racist. And no, nothing he can say at this point will stop me from thinking otherwise. Thing is, I’m okay with it. At least he, for a brief moment, was being honest. And that’s not on display enough in this great country of ours. I appreciate it when people actually say how they feel and DON’T apologize for it. The world is becoming to doggone politically correct. If we could all sit down and let folks say how they really feel, I think we’d get much further in race relations than we are. And all we’d need is Wolf Blitzer and Dave Chappelle to moderate.

That would be the real United Nations.

I’m thankful that I didn’t lose my sister.

I don’t often get extremely personal on here though I’ve done it a time or two, but a few months back I was deathly afraid that my little sister was going to take her own life. Everytime somebody called me from home I was afraid it was going to be a phone call tellling me to come home because she’d finally done it. Sometimes I wouldn’t even answer because of that. It literally scared me to tears at one point. Those that know me well know how much my little sister means to me…she’s probably the one person I’d lay down my life for.

Anyway, after much prodding, begging, and pleading, she FINALLY decided to allow us to help her help herself and she seems to be doing much better. I heard hear laugh for the first time in what seems like months a few days ago. So, trust me…I’m very thankful for this one. Still has a long way to go, but at least she’s still here to try.

Whew…

I’m thankful for Homecomings.

I wrote about this already but I seriously don’t think I can date a woman who has no respect for homecoming, especially and HBCU homecoming. Deal breaker.

Similarly, any woman who thinks the best rapper on Earth is one of Dem Franchize Boys also has no place in my life. One of the Ying Yang Twins however, well, I’ll at least listen.

Speaking of which…

I’m thankful for nutty ass women.

So many out there and so many who bring so many different things to the table. I’m often amazed at some of the things I’ve learned from nutty ass women. I can’t get into any details here, just trust me.

I’m thankful for gangs of Mexican penguins.

So I went to see Happy Feet last weekend. Dumbest damn movie ever. The baby penguins are cute and all but man was that a bad movie. It was only saved by this gang of Mexican penguins who were just downright hilarious. Fun-loving. The kind of penguins you’d want to kick it with. Plus, they also gave me my new saying:

“I’ve got personality with a capital Y. Y? Because I’m hot!!”

El classic-o.

I’m thankful for stupid ass sayings that sound like stuff I’d say.

Well, clearly you just heard one, but on Jay Z’s latest offering he has a song called “Beach Chair”. And in this song called “Beach Chair”, Jay posits that life is but a beach chair. And it probably has some really deep meaning about what happens when folks grow up and move on from the limelight or whatever…

It’s still dumb. However, I love it and have been running around ending conversations like this:

“I’m sexxy and remember, life is but a beach chair.”

You can’t stop it. Can’t stop it. Spin the Q-Tip. Throw it away.

Lastly…

I’m thankful that I’m alive.

I love life and I love living. I don’t have much room for sourpuss’ (dude, total double entendre there) who like to bring other folks days down. I like smiling and I like smiley faces. Hell I like Gnarls Barkley. I love my friends and my family. I love living.

If my time is up tomorrow, I’ve had a hell of a run. And I’m at peace with that. Plus, my insurance will cover all of my outstanding bills.

Clearly this list isn’t exhaustive, but I am. I’m done now.

So Happy Thanksgiving to you all. Eat well and if you will be doing any drinking and you’re in North Alabama, let me know. I’ll be around…

[***Don't forget to continue voting in the October (Into November) Madness 2006 tournament for The Final Four both here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and at The Royal Youngs. ***]

Okay, I’m really not, but I could be.

Shake shake shake.

Shake shake shake.

Shake your booty.

Shake your booty.

Dude, I totally love KC and The Sunshine Band’s catalog. You have no idea.

The Democrats have taken control of the House and (presumably) the Senate. Glory Day. I don’t really talk much politics on this site. And for good reason too. If you knew what I did while I was making it do what it do when it needs to get done, you’d understand why I don’t talk politics.

Look, it’s not in my nature to be a mysterious man, but I can’t talk about it and I can’t talk about why.

So let me get this right…the Falcon’s and Michael Vick can go from looking like they suck to looking like the best team in the league back to LOSING TO THE FUCKIN’ DETROIT LIONS???? For real???

Have you ever found, or been pointed to a treasure trove of knowledge of vast proportions and your excited inside, but you can’t share it because of a famous quote you read in comic book of all plaees…a Groo comic book at that: “once everybody finds the greatest place on Earth, it ceases to be the greatest place.”

Speaking of treasure, I love the movie National Treasure. I watch it everytime it comes on cable, and I own it. Little known Panama fact: I friggin’ love history. I can read history books over and over. From US History to World History. Hell I bought the Qu’ran just so I could read it from a historical context and try to gain a better understanding of the history of the Middle East. That’s why I love that movie, it’s all historical and shit. I get like Nicolas Cage does at times in that movie feeling all deep and shit because I’m standing in a place where history took place.

I’ll still stab you if you test my gangsta.

In all the years of my education and reading, the word “supple” has still manage to remain unsupplanted as my favorite word. Really, it just doesn’t get any better than the word “supple”.

In fact, when I was at Homecoming, the suppleness was all around. I mean, it was cold…folks broke out their supple leather coats. Right? Right.

I haven’t been keeping up with Laguna Beach as much this season, but man it seems like the Rocsi chick and Tessa totally get shitted on by everybody. I usually have a hate/loathe relationship with most of those kids but I swear I really feel bad for them two. I just want to hug them.

Speaking of which, what the fuck happend to LC and her shitty as show, The Hills. Her dumb ass roommate had star-in-the-making potential like a motherfucker.

I’ve yet to see Borat but I have seen The Departed. That is a motherfucker of a movie.

The word motherfucker seems uber vulgar, n’est-ce pas?

But not like the p-word. Dirtiest word in the English language.

“Pop quiz, how many topless, black foxes did I have under my belt, like boxers/not to brag but, if it add up, hmm 2, nigga that’s mad nuts…” ~ Kanye West, “Wouldn’t Get Far” from The Game’s album, The Doctor’s Advocate

Man that line slays me.

I get tomorrow off. Fuck you, pay me.

Dude, I don’t know how many of you have been paying attention, but that gotdamn AfterParty Hostess has been having quite the motherfuckers of blog discussions going on over at her site. She’s doing Crunk + Disorderly numbers in her comments. And it’s real discussions and shit. You should go check out the past few days.

And Dr. Strangejazz is engaged?? Congrats homeboy.

It’s official, there ain’t shit you can’t find out through MySpace. You don’t even have to talk to people anymore to find out what’s going on in their life. It’s almost to a point where I’m offended if folks DON’T have MySpace pages thereby forcing me to have to speak to them to see how they’re doing.

Oh, and I found about Dr. Strangejazz from The After Pary’s site, not MySpace. But I’m sure I could have found on MySpace too.

For my folks in DC, if you ain’t got shit to do tonight, and you don’t have to work tomorrow (or hell even if you do) come thru LIV Nightclub/Bohemian Caverns for the Grand Opening of Stock13′s After Party Dope Spot. Go to the Stock13 website to sign up for free admission before 11pm.

Yes, that’s Free.99 for all you folks that are reading.

Bohemian Caverns
2001 11th Street, NW (@ the corner of 11th and U Streets, NW)
Doors open at 10pm

Panama Muhfuckin’ will be there chillin’, most likely at the bar and eventually under it

www.stock13.net

And just as an added bonus, here’s a flyer with the free admission shit attached: