You know, that is by far one of Nas’ best songs in years. Everything about that song was great.

Just thought I’d share.

Along those lines (or not really at all), it seems that violent crime was up in America in 2005, with an almost 5 percent increase in murders and a nearly 3 percent increase in overall crime.

Somewhere, Jim Jones is snickering to himself.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that number’s really going to come down too much. And do you know why? Because gas prices are too fucking high. Seriously, I went to the gas station in my neighborhood two days ago and it was $3.22 for low grade. Had I just driven RIGHT up the street, it was $2.99. That’s enough to make me want to stab somebody.

And I have a good job with income coming in.

So what about the broke individuals out there who live in cities or states where public transportation isn’t exactly on and poppin’? The more you have to pay for the necessary goods, the less money you have all around, causing the bills you are required to pay seem that much more overwhelming causing niggas to be upset causing niggas to do things that niggas do when niggas get upset and frustrated.

Rob muhfuckas.

Hell, I’ve contemplated getting somebody for some money before. And I can read. Well.

Now, the funny thing about this, and the reason I’m about to contradict a statement I just made a few paragraphs ago is because when I read the article, one little fact jumped out at me.

Murders rose 4.8 percent, meaning there were more than 16,900 victims in 2005. That would be the most since 1998 and the largest percentage increase in 15 years.

Murders jumped from 272 to 334 in Houston, a 23 percent spike; from 330 to 377 in Philadelphia, a 14 percent rise; and from 131 to 144 in Las Vegas, a 10 percent increase.

Okay, makes sense, niggas are broke…yada yada yada. Except in Vegas where there’s mostly white folks, but hey, we’re just splitting hairs there, right?

Crime last year increased in all regions, although the 5.7 percent rise in the Midwest was at least three times any other region’s. These states make up the Midwest: Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota and Wisconsin.

Say heffa say what?? Oh no he didn’t! Oh no he didn’t!

Ahem.

Do you know what this means?

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Do you know that only you can prevent forest fires?

You ready? I don’t think you are.

It means that WHITE PEOPLE are cutting up and acting a gotdamn fool now too!!!

Sure, Chicago and Detroit are major cities in those states, but peep this little tidbit:

Despite the national numbers, Detroit, Los Angeles and New York were among several large cities that saw the number of murders drop.

Of course, when you have the kind of years Detroit has had in the past few years, it’s almost impossible for crime NOT to drop.

You know things are bad when white people are comprising the biggest increase in crimes in this country. In other words, shit is so bad that white people are having to rob eachother now. I don’t know about you, but that scares me. If it’s one thing I can usually count on, it’s the order of operations.

Black people rob black people and white people, sometimes. White people get robbed and call the police. Now white people are fucking up the rotation by robbing white people too. This has potential to bode badly for the black community. If white people start robbing, that doesn’t mean white people will go to jail for it…nope. It means that MORE black people will seem to be guilty of shit they weren’t even capable of doing.

Basically, a black man might NOW be held responsible for a crime he didn’t commit…BECAUSE HE WAS OUT ROBBING SOMEBODY ELSE AT THE SAME TIME.

As if life isn’t already hard enough out here for a pimp.

Luckily…I’m not SO worried about this. If it’s one thing white people don’t like, it’s being the victims of crime. They feel that they shouldn’t have to deal with that kind of thing. Crime is a darky problem. So when tough shit happens to white people, well by Jiminy, they do something about it. White man gets robbed, Congress passes legislation. Black man gets robbed…well, he lives to get robbed again, hopefully.

So maybe, since they have pinpointed that Middle Americans have been losing their fucking minds as of late, and at the risk of having to put white people in jail with Black and Latino people who seem to be fighting all the time, possibly over immigration and whether or not the Latinos have the right to even be in jail (don’t you love the ridiculous reaches I make sometimes), I think Officer Law and his boys in blue will find some way to get their shit together to keep white people safe.

Of course, you can’t make too much out of one years worth of information. It could potentially be that it was an abnormal year across the nation for crime. What with gas prices being what they are, maybe people just aren’t thinking straight. And gas has been a bitch since before 2006. So potentially, this will all change by the time they do the 2006 numbers, though I’m not SO sure, because even if they clean up shit for the white folks, black folks still have a big broke problem.

This just makes me think of how crazy things are around DC. Last year, in Prince George’s County, Maryland, the nation’s most affluent majority-minority county, the suburbs of DC…they amassed nearly 180 murders. That was ALMOST as many murders as The Crack Capitol itself. And this is where the rich niggas live. Though, it does make sense since nearly every black person is being priced right out of the District. Shit, they have to go somewhere. Car jackings were at an all time high in PG County.

If you can’t feel safe in the ‘burbs, where can you feel safe? And that’s why I think gas prices might start to drop at some point. This nation can’t afford to put white people on television robbing and killing eachother. It’s bad PR. And no, that doesn’t stand for Puerto Rico for the few of you who are trying to figure out what PR means.

Black people commit crimes, Latinos sneak in to the country, drive down wages…then commit crimes, and white people make this great country so great!

Except in Middle America right now where white people are shooting…

…and it’s making them look bad.

If ever there was a motivation for better crime prevention. It’s just a damn shame white people got to act crazy for me to believe the potential is there for it to exist.

We have a problem in the black community. That is not to say that we have one, singular problem, as the tv show Black.White. and just life in general has shown us that we have numerous problems in the black community. But we have one that I have been intending to discuss but have failed to discuss hence leaving it undiscussed…

…in the black community.

So, like I said, we have a problem in the black community. And the problem is…

…wait for it…

…it’s coming…

…girrrrrrrrrrrl are you ready…

…light-skinned points.

Yes. Light-skinned points. This is a problem in the black community. Wait, wait, wait. I see some people in the back row looking verklempt amongst themselves, probably wondering what I mean by light-skinned points. Let us define.

Defining.

Light-skinned point(s). noun. 1) the additional looks (see also sweats, dickriding, blonde ambition), attention, and yearnestness that fairer skinned light skinned women receive over their darker-skinneded sisters whether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all. 2) the assumed increase in attractiveness laid before melanin deficient black women…whether or not their face actually warrants any attention at all. See Tracee Ellis-Ross, the other lightskinned chick on Girlfriends, the lightskinned chick in the ghetto, etc.

Close your eyes.

Are your eyes closed?

Good.

Imagine that you are a woman right now. All brokeback points are hereby suspended. Imagine that you are an attractive dark-skinned sister walking down the street and a group of black males is sitting on a stoop to the left of you. Also imagine, a light skinned woman who isn’t very attractive by any standard is walking towards you. You and she will cross the man-inhabited stoop at the exact same moment. Now, imagine that you have good credit. Oops, sorry…wrong fantasy. Okay, imagine how shitty it must feel to know that even if you look leagues better than said light skinned woman, she will get 90% of the attention…and I’m willing to say it is MERELY because she is lightskinneded.

[***DISCLAIMER: To all of my lightskinnededed sisters out there, I'm not saying that you all are unattractive. That is not the case at all. Hell, my girlfriend is bright as hell. I know boatloads of attractive lightskinned women. I'm merely talking about the ridiculous amount of attention that unattractive (and you can keep that eyes of the beholder bullmalarkey to yourself) lightskinned women receive strictly cuz they are light. Everybody knows it happens and we all talk about it all the time. ***]

You can stop being a woman now.

I’ve always thought this was a funny phenomenon. I mean, even the most busted light women get a lot of attention. Whether you’re on the subway or just walking down the street, the light skinned women with a hairline that starts in Australia will get attention. Somehow, we love the light.

It has to be frustrating for attractive dark skinned women. And for the record, you are not attractive if the only person who has called you attractive is your mother and your reflection. At least one person you weren’t sleeping with has to say you are hot to be indeed, hot. You can put 9 dark-skinned fine women in a room with one light skinned Gremlin and I’d be willing to bet that generally speaking, most men would say that the light skinned woman was the most attractive woman in the room. And that is emblematic of the problem in the black community, we place lightskinned people up on a pedestal. Well, mostly women since everybody knows that lightskinned men went out of style back in the early 90’s. Yeah, we have our blips here and there from Shemar “I Give Keanu Reeves A Run For His Money In The Acting Department” Moore to Boris Kodjoe (is he even lightskinnedededed?), but yeah, us lightskinned black men…

…short…

…end…

…of…

…the…

…stick.

You know, spelling that out that way was a lot better in theory than it was in practice. It’s kind of dumb for me to tell you that since I could easily just correct it and you’d never even have to know. Yet…I won’t.

I suppose you could just make the easy connection that light skinned women are closer to white women, thus the black mans innate desire for white women is the culprit here. And I guess that has merit. Which would then explain the hate that a lot of light skinned women receive from other black women since black men love them some light chicks and dark chicks know that causing them to hate on their light sisters who can at times be assholes about the fact that they get a lot of love from black men. Not always, as I know some light chicks who hate the light attention as much as dark chicks do. Which is kind of interesting if you think about it. If you are a light chick who gets a lot of sweats from black men and you know that light skinned women do indeed get points, and you hate the points you get for being light skinneded so much so that you wish you didn’t get the points…how do you reconcile that? Does it stop light chicks from being proud of who they are??

It’s like intra-race reverse affirmative action. Or more simply, amongst black folks, light chicks get the attention.

This is a problem in the black community because well, our kids are getting lighter and you can’t be the black community if there ceases to be any more black people.

That’s a joke.

*rimshot*

That slavery shit really did a number on us didn’t it? Some of the self-hate that a lot of us are caught up with has translated into our love for the light. Face it, a lot of black folks hate themselves. We hate our skin cuz its black, we hate black pepper, we hate midnight, and black ball point pens. Hell, there are some black folks reading this right now who hate what I’m saying cuz the text is showing up black. Psychologically we get so caught up in light versus dark in our community, and you better believe its still an issue, that we offer solace to light-skinned women who would in NO way ever get points if life made sense.

[***DISCLAIMER #2: I'm also aware that all men don't go straight for light-skinned women. But facts and videos don't lie to us. ***]

Which brings up another point. In an ideal world, dark skinned women could be video hoes. That’s actually the saddest and funniest part of the entire debate. We always hear about all the light skinned women in videos…which just so happen to be the same videos that so many women rail against. The same videos that exploit women to the fullest are the very ones that many darker women get upset about not being able to participate in. Strange strange world we live in.

This is all just further proof of the deep seeded issues we have in the black community that are going to keep us fighting amongst ourselves for eternity. We have no dark skinned video hoes. Well only a few. But I think we need more.

I just now realized that there is no deep explanation for this. We just love lighter shit period. White air force onces. Linen. White sheets. White socks. Bleach. White-tees.

Sometimes it sucks when the simple answer is the right one.

We’ve been conditioned to love the lighter skinned people because we were taught that white was right and we have just passed it down over generations.

Bottom line…more dark skinned video hoes please. And throw rocks at light skinned chicks.

That’s a joke.

Actually it’s more than white. It has blue and pink stripes in it as well, but you get the picture.

Every February, we celebrate Black History Month. And like clockwork, every February 2nd I forget it’s Black History Month. Is it me or does it seem like the further you get from a mandated public education, the further from the radar Black History Month becomes? I don’t even get annoying e-mails telling me things like:

“On this day in 1873, Cleophas Lincoln invented the first spinning rims for a horsedrawn buggy. They consisted of 18 extra wooden poles that would start spinning when the buggy reached speeds of over 8 miles per hour. He is also credited with being the first person to introduce the term ‘no homo” to modern society. Upon returning back from a trip to the NYC Annual Horsedrawn Buggy convention, he found that somebody had burned down his home. Visibly distraught, a passerby asked him what was wrong and he responded, ‘No home…Oooooooooh!’ A phrase was born. Black History Month…American History in Color.”

And of course, none of that up there has anything to do with what I’m writing about.

How many people, who are gainfully employed and reading this, work primarily with white people?

Go ahead, you can raise your hand. You are not alone.

Michael Jackson is with you.

I’d be willing to bet money that a good 90 percent of people who work in a place that has a speedy internet connection work mostly with white people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Oh yeah, you can put your hands down now.

On second thought, if you really wanna party with me…put your hands where my eyes can see!!!

Speaking of Busta Rhymes (only quickly), isn’t a shame that amidst the whole ignoramously ignorant “Stop Snitchin’” campaign, a rapper got pulled into it and actually had to make a conscious decision to keep quiet or risk the wrath of Jim Jones and other misguided fuckboys and niggas who feel that despite his longtime FRIEND being murdered and given that chances are he saw who shot him, he should STILL keep quiet because snitching is wrong?? It’s almost like we WANT more criminals in our neighborhoods.

You know despite all the success and home loans I’m eligible for, being black sure does suck sometimes.

Hmm…that is both a t-shirt AND a joke waiting to happen.

Back to the lecture at hand. I work with numerous and gobs of white people. This poses no major issues at all. In fact, I really don’t mind, care, or give a shit. However, I tend to hear some strange conversations from time to time, and I am definitely inclined to believe that white people do feel like all black people look alike. Well, the other day, a strange, but interesting conversation was brought to me by a co-worker.

Across from my place of employment is a gym that everybody who works here gets a discounted membership too. Lots of people go during work hours. Hell, more people NEED to go. I work for the government. There are a lot of fat, balding white men and a lot of out of shape people with tattoes that say things like, “Anarchy” walking around. No, working out won’t help the tattoes. I just felt like sharing.

I myself am a non-going member. Well, one of the fellows that works with me who goes to work there has taken issue with the music that gets played. It would seem that they play rap music non-stop. He’s entitled to his opinion and frankly I can only take but so much Lil Jon all day. He did admit that the music gets him pumped. He also said he thinks its mostly violent and angry. Like Guns ‘N Roses except sung by black people.

Of course, he doesn’t actually LISTEN to any of the words (once again, I got him to admit that as well), but he just gets that feeling. He said he hears a lot of words like “shut up” and shit in the music. I assume they played a Trick Daddy song. Who knows.

And then he said something strange to me.

Let me replay the conversation for you.

Co-Worker: It just seems like a lot of the music is just violent and angry and not positive.

Pencil-Pushing Panama: Well, it’s not all of it. It might just be what you’re hearing in there. Some of the more popular, energy driven rap.

Co-Worker: Maybe. I’d just rather listen to something like, I don’t know, Journey. But I don’t want to go ask them to play it. I just don’t want to hear all that negative stuff all the time. The rap music seems so negative. I don’t think you listen to rap.

PP Panama: Really? Why not?

Co-Worker: It just seems negative and I don’t think you’d be into that negative the rap music.

PP Panama: WHAT????????????

CW: I said I don’t think you’d be into the rap music.

PP Panama: WHAT????????????????/!!

CW: I SAID I don’t think…aww forget it.

PP Panama: OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Now get out.

Okay, the last Lil Jon induced half of that convo didn’t really happen. I embellished a little.

But that struck me as odd because my co-worker, who apparently doesn’t view me to be a negative person, since I work with him and all, would assume that I wouldn’t listen to “the rap” music. Probably because he deems it to be something negative.

Interesting.

Now, granted, he’s aware that I listen to everything from the Beach Boys to Sinatra to The Jackson 5. We’ve had all of these talks around the office with most of the older people being surprised how much I know about “their” music. But he also randomly asks me if I have any Frankie Vallie (sp?) albums. Other things he knows about me?

I’m 26 and a young black man who lives in a black neighborhood around black people.

And he’s also made reference to “the rap” music before and how he hears it blasting from windows in the summer in his Virignia suburb from cars being driven primarily by black dudes. We have some very candid conversations, me and this particular co-worker. He’s a good dude.

But me, the good black dude probably doesn’t listen to rap music, because rap music is negative. And I wonder how many white people might actually make that assumption. Since you work with me, and you aren’t a negative (black) person, and since all rap is negative, you wouldn’t listen to it.

And don’t get it fucked up, they assume that black people equals rap music. Just not the “good” ones.

Which further proves the point that a majority of mainstream (read: white) America feels like rap is just downright flith-flarn-filth, through and through.

[***DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that ALL white people think like this. I'm well aware that many white people don't hold this view. I'm also aware that it's many YOUNGER white people who don't hold this view. Quite scary actually...cuz we could see a shift where white people know more about rap than many of us do. Oh wait...too late. ***]

Clearly I’m not re-inventing the wheel here, as this is a thought that has probably crossed many folks mind, but it just seems funny to me that because I work with white people, to them, rap music must not be my brand of Vodka since its the downfall of society. I’m not contributing to the downfall since I have a good job, therefore, they view me differently.

[***Sidenote: It isn't all of them though. Some of these fuckers up in here look at me sideways. So I return the favor. I actually love it though. You can give me a good job, but they make it so that you never forget where you are. Of course, some people are just assholes in general, but still, I chose to make it a black white thing. I can do that. I'm me. ***]

I wonder what they’d think if they saw me after work when I look like the regular black folks my age, sans the long ass feminine white shirts, fake jewelry, and urban apparel that I hate so much.

Maybe I’ll start blasting Lil Jon in the office or throw on a little 50 Cent just to show them. Or maybe, I just don’t care. I know why he thinks what he thinks, and I know its rooted in the same ignorant shit that lots of white people, including my mother feels, about rap and our whole hip-hop culture.

And they’re wrong.

And don’t care.

As long as I work here, I’m not a regular black man, I’m me…the one that works here. Well, at least until I rob somebody and they see me on the news and I get taken to prison and all types of bad things happen to me because I’m light-skinnededed and sexxy. No brokeback.

I’ll bet he’d think I was listening to rap then.

Until then, it’s time to rev up The Beatles.