Uh…yeah.

So quite a few of of you were expecting to come here today and see lots of pictures of rather randy-causing womenses.

And they’re coming. Definitely coming.

There was just a slight snafu at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and The Royal Youngs, Inc. ( In fact, please head over to The Champs site for some interesting questions about this year’s tournament.)

And I could give you the long explanation of what happened…however, I think I’ve decided to invoke the SRA of 2006.

And what is the SRA of 2006?

It is the Stereotype Reflection Act of 2006. It is the annually passed bill that states that when in need, one may revert to acting out the stereotypes usually associated with one’s rate. Remember, it’s when convenient.

The stereotype being invoked today?? Lateness.

Yes, ninjas being late is a stereotype of much fame.

Now with that said, let me just prepare you all for what is to come. Myself and The Champ have compiled a list of buxom, robust, tantalizing, ooooh-hurt-me, belles of the ball for us to judge strictly on their aesthetic appeal. Yes, ladies and gentlemen…

…this is a tournament that gets to the core of men. None of that personality or dim-bulb non-sense has any place here. I don’t care if Beyonce can’t spell her name. I don’t care if Halle Berry runs people over in broad daylight…AND THEN leaves the scene of the crime. Is she still fine?

If the answer is Hell yeah…then her ability to speak is unimportant.

You see, October Madness is apart of all of us. It is what makes us human. It gets at our core indulgence in things that are shiny and pretty. I like shiny and pretty things. I also like tig ole bitties.

Speaking of Tig Ole Bitties, I heard that Martin is finally coming to DVD in January. Finally.

When we kick this here tournament off, we will bring it. Last year was the inaugural year of October Madness (which is really funny considering it goes well into November…d’oh well), and it was such a resounding success that we just had to bring it back. And we promise not to disappoint. You see, we believe that the children are our future…and that if we teach them well, and let them lead the way…that…

…they will be able to recognize the beauty and splendor (and rumpshakertasticness) that is Kenya Moore.

And by jove, you all did! Yes, The Champ was despondent and downright persnickety that Esther Baxter was eliminated last year…it took the wind right out of his sails…but we realize that above all…we have to keep doing this for every ignorant bastard who ever had an idea that managed to bring out the best of times and the worst of times…

…except here we have no worst of times. Just women. Lots of women. Women who want to win. True, they don’t know they want to win but rest assured, they want to win.

So tomorrow, when we (finally) kick the tournament off, be prepared for muchos grandos fun, entertainment, and downright exploitation. But also be ready to be human, for that’s all we can ask for. It is all that we are.

You and me.

Him and her.

I mean, what would ignorance be without J-G-T. Are you ready when Kingdom Comes?

And because it will inevitabley come to fruition at some point during this tournament in the form of emails, strange IM conversations and lewd late night phone calls of the unflattering kind…

“…what they doin’ hatin’ on us but they never cross….JGT still the company and Panama is the Boss…”

For all the haters, please send all hate mail to: kissourass@stuntinlikemydaddy.com.

And on a completely unreleated sidenote, I’m an avid watcher of the The Wire. Omar is in jail right now…

…which, you know, according to some is a Black gay man’s haven…either that or Morehouse (kiss my ass!)…

…but I’m SO afraid that Omar might die. Like, do you remember how folks felt when Stringer died? I vividly remember hearing every woman in my apartment complex scream at the very moment. It was quite surreal.

I might cry if Omar dies. Thank you.

I also watch Love Actually.

Goodnight and good luck.

Tune in (I’d like to say tomorrow because that’s the plan but we are Black) for October Madness!!! Remember, it’s not a game, it’s a tournament.

Once again it’s on. Coming on Monday for you and yours, come one, come all, it’s the return of the Crooklyn Dodgers…I mean…it’s the return of October Madness!

What is October Madness you say??

Sit back and have a listen.

In the beginning there was light. And on subsequent days, some all knowing all powerful being created lots of cool stuff for us to ruin millions of years later.

However, right before that infamous “Tree of Knowledge” incident and right after Eve put her goodies on display for Adam…

…God created ignorance. I think it happened on the 9th day or something, but it gets very little mention in the Bible.

Or Vanity Fair.

Either way ignorance was conceptualized and realized and not far behind ignorance was exploitation. Perhaps that was the 10th day.

A few (million) years later, God said “Let there be Panama” and out popped a little lightskinneded half-breed on a warm June day in a country known for breaking shit off, something proper-like.

That’s a pun by the way, though I know more than half of you won’t get it.

I’m sexxy enough to know these things, but fret not, we’ll work on colors tomorrow.

Well, one day, this ignorant summamabitch, together with another of his slightly less ignorant but similarly appreciative of exploitation bredren decided that what the world doesn’t do enough of is place the beauty of our sista’s on display. And we decided to do a service…a community service, if you will.

You know, I hear all the time how much women want to get credit for their brains; that men don’t care enough about what’s on their mind as much as we do whats on their bones. And I agree.

But until we figure out how to really care about brains in a constructive, non-sex related manner, T&A is alright with me. I mean, God (or whoever you pray to…assuming you pray) gifted women with curves that drive men nuts right? And wouldn’t it just be rude if no respect was paid to what God has placed on this planet?

I ask of you, wouldn’t that just be wrong?

And the crowd (mostly of men) said, Yay-men.

So with that little nugget in mind, myself (Panama Muhfuckin’) and The Champ laid forth a plan last October. It was a plan not unlike other plans, but a plan that was planned differently than other plans, which would make it unlike other plans, only it wasn’t. We decided that in order to truly appreciate woman…in all of her splendor and glory…and simultaneously cater to our both ignorant and exploitative sides, we put them together and do what people do best in this world…

…judge them.

We’d make a tournament unlike other tournaments. A tournament pitting the cream of the crop (I rise to the top, I never eat a pig because a pig is a cop) against one another, as nature intends it to be.

Survival of the fittest.

So on a cold October night in 2005, we created and put forth to the people, the First Annual October Madness Tournament, completely with PDF brackest and opened the doors for people to vote. And vote they did. Strangely, it seemed that more women were voting than men. And it was only strange because of how many women expressed their disdain for pitting women against one another to determine who was indeed the most banging woman in our tournament.

It turned out to be Kenya Moore by the way. God bless us everyone.

That’ll do, Tiny Tim. That’ll do.

Stacey Dash, Esther Baxter, Halle Berry…BEYONCE!!!!

So get ready, ladies and gentlemen, to argue, debate, discuss, disagree, yell, and be pissed off, because come Monday, The Second Annual October Madness Tournament co-sponsored by the good folks at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and The Royal Youngs will be bringing you exploitation, ass-oggling, and all around ignorance for you and yours.

We run it just like NCAA Basketball’s March Madness tournament where we’ll pit 32 women against one another in four brackets (regions) and you, the community will be given the opportunity to vote and determine who is the winner of the 2006 Tournament.

Tell a neighbor, tell a friend. Tell your pastor.

And remember, it’s not a game…it’s a tournament!

Monday!