Do you remember the first time you saw your first crush in life? Well I don’t. I don’t remember a lot of “firsts” in my life. In fact, for the most part, the most prominent firsts I remember in my life are the first time I heard certain albums or songs, etc.

You know, I have never really taken the time to think about how prominent a role music has played in my life until a few days ago. I guess since I grew up around so much music, between my dad and my real mother, that I never took the time to realize just how important it has been. I’m the guy who always has to have music playing be it in the car, or on a star, by the bay, or Ashenkashay, I do not like green eggs and ham…I’m Panama bitch.

But I digress.

I even need to hear music in order to concentrate. I can’t focus unless I have music playing in the background. I can’t sleep with music playing because I’ll just listen to it and not go to sleep. Though a few weeks ago, I did falll asleep while listening to De La Soul’s Stakes Is High album, but I’ll just assume that’s because I was tired and not because I think it sucks. Which I do.

And I’m a huge De La Soul fan.

All that to say that I’m going to list my 10 favorite hip-hop albums and explain why they are favorites and where I was when I first heard the album. These albums helped me become the music and rap lover that I am. There is only one album for which I can’t remember hearing it the first time and deeply troubles me. Oh well…fuck it. As usual, I’ll probably throw a few pesronal anecdotes in the middle.

And for you graduates out there, antidotes save people, anecdotes are stories.

Laugh now, but somebody doesn’t know what it means.

I was going to try to go in descending order, but truthfully, the only one’s that matter in order are numbers 1 and 2 for me. Everything else is just number 3. And I’d recommend all of these albums.

And since this is going to be long, I”m gonna do 10-6 today and 5-1 tomorrow.

Panama Jackson Presents Albums That Changed My Life (At Least for 10 Seconds)

10. DJ Quik Safe + Sound (released 1995)

Where I First Heard It: During the summer at my mother’s house in West Bumblefuck, Michigan I’d often just spend hours listening to WJLB out of Detroit since birdcalling and throwing rocks got old really quickly. It was the main hiphop station and anybody from Detroit is familiar with it. Well, I heard the title track “Safe + Sound” and I knew I just had to have it.

Why I Love It: Anybody who knows me is aware that DJ Quik is my favorite rapper/producer from Cali. Hell, he had me wanting to be from Compton. Aside from the shitty ass “Justify My Thug” from Jay-Z’s The Black Album, I haven’t really not liked anything he’s done, and I blame Jay for picking that shit, not Quik for making it. From the very first time I heard “Sweet Black Pussy” off the Quik Is The Name album (I can also very vividly remember where I was the first time I heard that song), I was a fan. I was also 11. This album is the mos thugged out musical masterpiece I’ve ever heard. Quik had become way more of a musician by this album ( a trait that has probably cost him some fans over the years), and amidst his humor and violence and profanity (I love me some good ignorance) and all of the Blood related shit he was talking, I was sold. The album is just funky. Plus, I swear we have the same sense of humor.

Stand-Out Tracks: “Safe + Sound”, “This Is For The Hoe In You”, “Dollaz ‘N Sense”

Quick DJ Quik-Related Story: Not sure anybody remembers AMG from the early ’90s or not. But he used to run with DJ Quik. Anyway, he had the seminal classic song “Bitch Betta Have My Money”. I remember in like 91 or 92, I was on a bus trip to Holland (I was living in Germany then) and me and my friend decided to count all of the curse words in that song. I think we counted well over 200. Well, somebody told on us and we got jacked for my tape. The teacher took the tape and gave a copy of it to our parents. Let’s just say…I got my ass…BUSTED.

9. Blackalicious Nia (released 2000)

Where I First Heard It: At the University of Maryland’s Adele H. Stamp Student Center in the bookstore at one of their listening stations in July of 2000. My life changed that day. It instantly became a favorite album of mine.

Why I Love It: Well for one, I just love the group name Blackalicious. That sounds like some shit I’d come up with. For two, it’s just a well produced and executed album. They’re from non-LA California and they have a sort of Native Tongues feel to them. The producer Chief Xcel put his foot into the beats and Gift of Gab, the lyricist, is one of my favorites. He has about a good million or so flows over the course of this album. It’s not an album full of violence, bitches, or drugs. It’s a thinking man’s album, so to speak, except it doesn’t come off corny or preachy, unlike their last album which I think sucks more ass than Janet Jacme. It’s not an album for everybody as I know lots of folks who pretty much don’t like them in the slightest, but it’s a classic to me. Even HipHopSite gave it a classic rating (which is why I thought to listen to the album in the first place). I just really love this group and especially this album. I’ll check for anything they do just because of it.

Stand-Out Tracks: “Shallow Days”, “A to G”, “Sleep”

Blackalicious Related Trivia: A lot of people probably think they’ve never heard of Blackalicious or heard any songs by them. Not true. If you’re a black person, you’ve seen Brown Sugar and at least three of their songs are very prominently displayed in that movie. 1) When Taye Diggs gets out of the cab that Mos Def is driving and he starts walking and looking at the kids playing in the park and reminisces about the “good old days” the song “Make You Feel That Way” is playing; 2) At the housewarming/engagement/whatever party Sanaa Lathan was having where Boris proposed, the song playing in the background is “It’s Going Down”; and 3) The song that begins playing when Taye Diggs and Mos Def get to Hot 97 as he finally asks her out is “Day One”. All three songs are on the Blazing Arrow album, which is criminally overlooked as a great album. That last song took me a good month to remember what album that song was on since they play the part the version sans lyrics.

8. Goodie Mob Soul Food (released 1995)

“…bumpin’ Goodie Mob Soul Food number 4…” T.I. “Top Back” King

Where I First Heard It: I actually heard snippets of this album before I heard the whole thing because one of my boy’s brothers in high school worked at LaFace in Atlanta for a summer or something and got some stolen copy of the sampler a good 6 months before their album dropped. I was driving around Huntsville as the only cat who had parts of Soul Food and turned EVERYBODY onto the shit. Folks were hating at first on the Mob, but when the album dropped, every body was on their nuts. But I heard the snippets at my boys house right before his brother gave me the tape since he hated it. It felt like Christmas.

Why I Love It: These were some of the grittiest niggas on the planet. Plus they coined the phrase Dirty South (Soul Food, track #4), which is still riding strong to this day. To this day I’m still scared of Khujo because he seemed like the angriest nigga live. Ice Cube had nothing on Khujo Goodie. I got his autograph once and I was afraid to ask him for it. This album is just very straight forward and has some of the best of the Orangized Noise production work of any album. Gritty but soulful, powerful but not abrasive. Plus these dudes were spitting some real shit. I don’t think there’s a single punchline on the whole album. Just honest straight forward spittin. They were talking about life and how fucked up it can be. And I loved it. And the song “Soul Food” is one of the best southern songs ever made. I will stand by that statement forever. Oh yeah, and I HATE HATE HATE T-Mo Goodie, though I know a lot of people love his ass. Everytime he says “coming up in this life of crime” (which he says on like 4 songs) I just want to stab Bob Barker. And for some reason, the song “The Day After” always makes me sentimental. I just get swept away listening to it. And I’m still a manly man bitches.

Stand-Out Tracks: “Soul Food”, “Cell Therapy”, “Dirty South”, “Thought Process (classic Dre, not Andre 3000 verse)”, “The Day After”

Goodie Mob Related Story: I remember in my Biology class at Morehouse a full fledged argument broke out, which completely disrupted the class, between two dudes arguing over which album was better, Soul Food or Still Standing. And when I say argument, I mean as in a fight might break out. THAT is how you know you make poweful music. When niggas will potentially forego their education to make sure you understand the passion they feel about their favorite albums. College can’t be what it used to be.

7. A Tribe Called Quest Midnight Marauders (released 1993)

Where I First Heard It: This is the album I can’t remember first hearing, probably cuz I really got into Tribe late. So I’ll assume from my boy Johnny Kwest going thru his CD’s at our apartment in college. So maybe a good 7 years late.

Why I Love It: I have no excuse for getting into Midnight Marauders late. Especially since I was a big fan of “Scenario” from The Low End Theory. I just never really liked Tribe like that. I hated “Check The Rhyme” with the passion of Mel Gibson and “Bonita Appebum”, eh, I’ll pass. But when I heard “Electric Relaxation” I was done. Then I got the album and the shit bangs from start to finish. How ANYBODY thinks Tribe’s first two albums are better than this is beyond me. In fact, if you think that, you are wrong. Period. And your opinion on hiphop just may become moot to me. The beats bang, the production is just better, its just a better album. Period. Any true hiphop fan needs this in their catalog.

Stand-Out Tracks: “Electric Relaxation”, “Sucka Nigga”, “We Can Get Down”, “Clap Your Hands”, “Award Tour”, fuck it, the whole thing

ATCQ Realization: I know why I got on Tribe late. During their heyday, I was HEAVY into the West Coast. From Ice Cube to NWA to DJ Quik to Snoop to the DOC to Above The Law, if it wasn’t the West Coast during this time, I probably wasn’t listening. Hell I paid 25 bucks like a year ago for an album by a nigga named Lil Half Dead from Long Beach that I had the tape of (and lost) in like 1994. And he is the WORST rapper ever, but his beats were hot as hell. Wesssssssssyde.

6. Ice Cube Death Certificate (released 1991)

Where I First Heard It: On the Strasse (German subway) heading to school in 6th grade. I heard the “Giving Up The Nappy Dugout” cuz one of my friends had the tape. I was SOLD.

Why I Love It: I’ve always loved Ice Cube. I mean, he was the Angriest Nigga Alive until like 1993, and then in 1995 Khujo Goodie took over (see #8). Arguably AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted is a better album, but this joint just bangs from start to finish. He was going for the top spot with this album and he clinched it. The production was great, Cube was still a good rapper, and amidst the street stories he would throw in some funny ass songs, like “Giving Up The Nappy Dugout”, a nice euphemism for the poonany. (You remember MC Brains?) Anyway, Cube just had a way with the rhymes back then and this album fully illustrated it. He could get political, racial, discuss STD’s, get ignorant…he just ran the gamut. He also had one of the best diss tracks to come out of the whole NWA/Ice Cube feud with “No Vaseline”. And for that I appreciate him. At least I did because now I never want to hear him rap again. EVER.

“I’ll never have dinner with the President…” - Ice Cube, 1991, “No Vaseline”

Why would I not be surprised to see his ass sitting up at the White House nowadays with George Bush sipping tea? Oh how the mighty have fallen. Not that they’d see eye to eye, but Bush might give him some award for his humanitarian efforts and thank him for not rapping anymore.

Stand-Out Tracks: “Steady Mobbin’”, “The Wrong Nigga To Fuck Wit”, “No Vaseline”

Ice Cube Related Story: Last summer, I was driving a friend of mine to work in the morning and I was playing Death Certificate. My friend, who is black, after listening to a few songs was like, “damn, I can see why white people were afraid of him. I’m afraid of him after listening to this.” She then realized it was Ice Cube and now he makes movies like Are We There Yet? She is no longer scared. Anytime an album can make you feel like a white person, that is some powerful music.

Tomorrow: #s 1-5

Welcome, everybody, to hiphop week here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises. Because I am the master of my domain (that’s kind of funny if you think about it since I do indeed own this here domain and could be called Master…blaster…that’s some hiphop for that ass), I have decided that this entire week will be devoted to albums that changed my life, the culture, the people involved, and just all things hippety hoppity in nature.

First up, I’d bequeath you to venture over to The Champ aka D.Young’s site to witness the full scale ethering that has occurred. ANOTHER dumb fuck has gone and stolen blog entries from yours truly and D.Young and Brutha Code and Leon, etc. Why these ignant niggas don’t catch a clue I have no idea. I was going to son his ass over here today as well but el pussolito took down his site since, of course, he read D.Young’s site looking for something else to jack overnight and Poof the Magic Gila Monster, it’s magically gone.

Since Jason C. will no doubt read this at some point, I would like to say that I have to at least give you some credit bucko. I give you props for creating misspellings in my shit and adding your own little spin to or changing up sentences. Congratulations, you went from riding the bench on the AAU All-Pussy team to being a starter.

You remember Starter jackets? Hang yourself with one.

Unfortunately you’re a bitch and your momma should be disappointed in you. In fact, she should hate you. But thanks for the compliment of jacking my shit.

*****

Are you a school teacher and can’t understand why your students misspell simple words such as “them” or “the” and would like to understand how to better relate and you refuse to accept Ebonics?

Do you want to know why when answering a yes or no question, your students inexplicably always yell out “YEAAAAH!” at the top of their lungs? Or constantly question you by saying “WHAAAAAT?!” over and over?

Have you been trying to figure out just what kind of animal a Young Jeezy is since you can’t find a regular Jeezy in your state-sanctioned biology textbooks but are afraid to ask your students because you really should know?

Well fret not. The Tickle Academy is here to provide a quick tutorial for all of the white, black, yellow, and brown people who are so out of touch with the current hiphop trends that they didn’t know that “crunk” was not the past participle of crank.

We at The Tickle Academy strive for the ultimate in the education experience. Our motto? We learn you bitches good!

[***DISCLAIMER: This tutorial will not be about your daddy's hip-hop and its for the totally oblivious. This is about becoming a part of today's hiphop scene. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. ***]

Welcome to hip-hop.

Step 1: Go To Your Local Ghetto and buy a Mixtape, Preferably from the G-Unit or Diplomats (Ask the African selling them who is who and try not to look too oblivious or you will end up paying 20 dollars for a 2 dollar mixtape).

There is no better place to start your hiphop experience than the modern day crapfest that are mixtapes. Plus, with this you can kill two birds with one stone. You see, mixtapes are easily downloadable from the internet, but you need to understand the place the mixtapes come from. Though more times than not, if you’re students constantly misspell “them” and “the” you just might working in the ghetto anyway, in which case, head to the internet and find a mixtape with some completely idiotic looking black man on the front usually flanked by lots of things he cannot afford. Look specially for tapes by some fellow who goes by the name of 50 Cent or a fellow who will probably be wearing lots of fur and shorts by the name of Cam’ron.

Why mixtapes? Well, mixtapes provide you the latest in what’s going on in modern day hiphop complete with the totally asinine niggas yelling over everysong and lackluster lyrical performances. Since rap really isn’t what it used to be anyway, the mixtape is the best place to see the very thing that is wrong with rap, aside from the exploitation of the industry. You see, today…

…rappers suck ass.

But alas, mixtapes provide lessons in slanguage, drug acumen, the federal penal code, and strip club etiquette. It is here that you will find out why your kids seem to be so good at moving the decimal in math, i.e. moving from kilo grams to milli grams, and going from ounces to pounds, but totally suck at English since they can’t seem to quite grasp that the concept that the proper way to say (and write) “hello” is not “What it do? What tha bizness is?”

Step 2: Venture to MTVJams.

It is very important to understand why the little girls at your school dress like hookers. Or why the young me dress like they’re parents don’t love them. Unfortunately, rappers are role models. Therefore it is important to watch some of rappers are doing since these will inevitably shape the trends your children see.

On the offchance that you see Shawnna’s video for “Gettin’ Some” and you have no clue what the hell she is “getting”…it is head. Head as in female fellatio. As in ticklin’ the clitlin’. Feel free to send any and all of your children to the principal’s office if they start singin’ that song in class. It is obscene.

Step 3: After you listen to the mixtapes and watch the videos, you will need a translator.

This may be the most important step. Reason being, just because you hear them doesn’t mean you understand one iota of what the helly they are saying. For instance, it is wholly possible that you have heard a few of your students telling the other students to “go dumb” or “go stupid” and you probably thought they were being unnecessarily rude. In fact, they were encouraging the other students to exercise as “going dumb” is a dance “craze” in the Bay area where folks basically just lose it and go gyrationistic and get “hyphy” which also means to “go dumb”.

But how would you know that?

Get a translator. Just pay some kid to shut up and explain the shit to you. Try not to sleep with said student if you’re a woman or you might end up on TV and then jail with a bunch of women who speak slang and won’t really be concerned if you don’t understand it.

Step 4: Go buy a hiphop magazine, preferably a XXL or a Vibe.

Now I particularly hate both of those magazines but they are pretty elementary so reading them should be a breeze. Other magazines are way better but they would require you to have some knowledge of something other than the ability to read. XXL or Vibe…do not. So, buy these magazines and skip about 80 pages to get past the ads that run rampant and read about your students favorite rappers du jour since the same rappers grace the covers of these magazines ad nauseum. Read about all of the drugs they sold and how they were just that nice with the microphone that they couldn’t not rap and get their boys out the hood. Also understand this, rappers have some strange names. Busta Rhymes is a person, not an action. I mean, it is an action, but in most cases its a person. And yes, even in rap, a man named Puffy can be somebody or a femininely named fellow named Suge Knight can be the most feared man in the industry. From jail.

Also recognize that a lot of these people are solely popular in the black world as Ted Turner probably has no idea who Suge Knight is.

He also doesn’t care.

And finally…

Step 5: Watch BET for no longer than 15 minutes at a time as the content will be offensive and you may get dumber.

This is the ultimate step for you. After having scoured mixtapes, videos, and magazines, its time to see if you can understand what goes on at the one place where all of that useless knowledge is, well, useful…BET. If you can watch BET, especially 106&Park and understand the hosts who say “that’s what’s up” entirely WAY too many times and you know what they mean; or you can watch Lil Kim’s “Going To Jail” special (why ANYBODY would want to chronicle somebody’s quest for jail is beyond me) and you undestand what the pint-sized violationist vixen is saying; or further, you understand, empathize, and decide that the whole Stop Snitchin’ campaign is totally and unavoidably necessary….well…

…then you have arrived.

You are now ready to take your knowledge into the classroom and the streets and show the little bastards who think they can run over you since you are so detached that you are down with Duke Da God. That you love Cam’ron and his intricate wordplay.

That Young Jeezy does indeed have a movement, not an album and every true nigga needs some Thug Motivation.

Welcome to the wonderful world of hip-hop 2006.

It is now and will be forever more that:

“Life ain’t nothing but bitches and money…”

Thank you for visiting and learning with The Tickle Academy.

I love the entertainment industry.

Where else can you live out your wildest dreams and be the person you always wished you could be despite obvious physical and aesthetic limitaitons or the constant failures of reality.

Such is the case with Def Jam’s resident songwriter/singer Ne-Yo.

It’s no secret that I watch video’s incessantly. Hell, I can spend a whole day just watching MTV Jams and vh1 Soul. This past weekend, I happened upon Ne-Yo’s new video for the song “When You’re Mad”. It’s not a bad song, though I do think that the song’s message, assuming the song catches on, will be wildly misconstrued and result in some poor sap getting his ass straight mollywopped by his girl for smirking when she’s truly pissed off.

Of course, that would require anybody to actually care about Ne-Yo and I suppose that’s another beast altogether.

I’ll get to the premise later. Let’s start with Ne-Yo.

I remember a long time ago when Mr. Cheeks video for “Lights, Camera, Action” came out. In the beginning of that video, when Mr. Cheeks enters the club, the “cheeks” lights go off and all the strippers know that he’s in the building. You see, in his video, Mr. Cheeks is akin to the president. When Cheeks shows up, the cheeks show up. Get it?

Me and my boys used to get a kick out of the video because the video hoes really sold the idea that Mr. Cheeks was indeed that important. Unrealistic? Of course, but in Mr. Cheeks video, he gets to be God. You have to love the opportunities that come to people who probably aren’t nearly as cool as they come off in videos.

Ne-Yo, bless his heart, is not an attractive man. Yet, in his videos, he gets to be the hearthrob; he is the man that women covet and for who’s back his woman has to watch. Usher he is not, but in his videos, he can be Denzel and his flock a gaggle of 30-50 year old black women.

I don’t care what anybody says, America is a great place.

Speaking of Ne-Yo and his video, maybe I’m missing something, but are bangs coming back for the womenses? In his video, the main video hoe has the WORST bangs in history. They’re just all flopping all over her face looking ever so busted. And I don’t mean the haircut that has women’s hair neatly lined up across the front. I mean real true to life bangs, like one curler was applied, then removed and the danglage was left to the imagination of the wind and fate. Additionally, I saw the new video for Letoya (and I think that’s Letoya Lockett of Destiny’s Child fame but I can’t tell if its really her) and she has her hair all banged up too. I am man so it possible that I have just missed this but I think the whole prominent bang period was not a good look for women.

Moving on.

This song, “When You’re Mad” is about how Ne-Yo can’t help but be carnally turned on whenever his girlfriend gets upset with him. He just wants to tear her up every time she gets that little wrinkle-nosed face going on because he has ticked her off. Throughout the video is a montage of women with various pissed off faces and demeanors that I suppose (it is a video remember) make Ne-Yo feel rather randy. I’ll admit, it’s a rather “cute” video. It makes me chuckle a time or two at the various reason his woman has chosen to be pissed at him.

However, I think the video seriously understates how “mad” a woman just may be and an appropalate course of action. And if you’ve seen the movie Trippin’ you will know that appropalate is indeed a real word.

Y’alls is some real dubiostic types.

What it seems to me is that his girl isn’t actually mad, she’s more just ticked off. Temporarily to boot. There is no mad going on here. His girl sees him taking pictures with “fans” and gets upset. Basically, his girl is jealous that he gives other women attention. Sucks for her…I mean doesn’t she realize she’s dating Ne-Yo. International superstar Ne-Yo?????

*crickets*

Like I said. It’s his video.

Thing is, there is no real just cause to be pissed so usually, a smile, a chuckle, and a “baby, why you trippin, you know I only love you” would suffice in most of these instances. Followed by a, “hey, you want me to keep getting you nice things? You do. Then I suggest you shut the fuck up.”

Then again. She isn’t mad.

Has anybody here ever dated somebody and either you or they got royally pissed??

*hands shoot up across the globe*

Was your first thought ever to really smile and then try to jump their bones? No? Me neither. When I get truly pissed, which has only happened a few times…I see red. It ain’t no lovely lush blues and yellows that inspire my loins.

Wow. I’ve said some pretty suspect shit in my day, but I think, “lush blues and yellows that inspire my loins” might just top the list.

Cry for me Argentina.

Now, I realize I’m being a stickler for details and accuracy here and I know its just a fun song intended to explain to women how them being upset with men makes men all turned on and shit. I’m just afraid some poor little kid is going to see this video and think that when his girl gets mad at him, it is totally okay to turn to an imaginary camera, chuckle twice, then look at her and go try to lay the ass-smackdown on her. He just might catch an eye-jammy.

This just brings up another point. There is a big difference between a woman being upset/slightly ticked off and her being mad or truly pissed. The former is usually a very temporary thing and can be resolved with a well timed, “baby, why you trippin’. Girl you know I-I-I-I love you. I will give you the sun the moon the stars the sky and the mountains…I’ll give you the worrrrrrrrrrrld. Baby, smile for me so I can see Heaven in your eyes.” You know, something along those lines. Basically, small little petty shit that most humans are bound to irrationally fall victim too from time to time. It happens to everybody.

The latter however, which would be the “mad or truly pissed” part, well thats a little different. If you have truly pissed off your woman, it’s gonna take more than a “girl i love you” to appease her. You must have done something like showed up with a box of condoms and one was missing. Despite the fact that you are truly just a juvenile male and used one to hang from your next door neighbors doorknob, you will be in trouble. Or maybe you didn’t show up when you said you were going to show up and your girl was stuck in the middle of Ohio all alone or some shit. Those things will not be resolved shortly.

You know, I don’t feel like discussing this anymore.

Bottom line, I’m concerned for the kids who will watch these videos and be influenced negatively since videos and music dictate our lives and I’m concerned about marriage in America.

Thank you.

P.S. Deborah Cox was never attractive and looks like she eats bricks.

Yesterday, all the major hip-hop online outlets had news of this recent report that said:

Listeners of rap are more likely to encounter problems with alcohol, drugs and violence than listeners of other genres, according to a new study by the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation’s (PIRE) Prevention Research Center.

More than 1,000 community college students, age 15-25, participated in the study, titled “Music, Substance Use and Aggression.” The students were questioned on their music listening habits, alcohol use, illicit drug use and aggressive behaviors, such as getting into fights and attacking or threatening others.

The results found that rap was consistently associated with alcohol use, potential alcohol use disorder, illicit drug use and aggressive behavior. - via Allhiphop.com

On the surface, that looks like another reason to say that rap music is what is afoul in the black community and further, potentially, every community as a whole.

Well, I pooh-pooh on this study.

[***Sidenote: I have no idea why, but I have a newfound affinity for saying "pooh-pooh" when in reference to things that make little to no logical sense to me. There's nothing like being a grown smurfin' black man who uses the word pooh-pooh around other grown people. I'm sexxy. ***]

I’m sure this type of study adds fuel to the fire of those individuals who blame artists for crimes that they had nothing to do with. A kid kills a cop? If he listens to rap, the connection will be made that he killed a cop because he listens to rap. And of course white people, religious anti-rap crusaders, and lots of black people who think that rap is what’s wrong with the black community can find solace in knowing that a seemingly faulty study FROM JUMP further vindicates the hatred that already exists for rap music. Even the researchers claim that the study really isn’t necessarily as indicative as the results maybe used.

But who needs exact science? We need it to feed our beliefs. To hell with legitimate statistics. Give me what I want to HEAR!!!

I even read on SOHH.com where the article was titled: New Study Finds That Rap Music Drives You To Drink And Use Drugs. So even worse, the wrong information is coming from the hip-hop community too. Because yes, there are those in the hip-hop community who love to take shots at the commercial nature and need the ammunition to rail against the 50 Cent’s and southern rappers of the world.

Well…I’m calling bullshit.

Oh my bad, I pooh-pooh on such findings.

From the very second I read the reports on the article, two things jumped right out at me:

1) The sample they were using; and

2) The methodology they were using.

Before I jump into why this all makes little to no sense to me, let me first say I have no problem with doing studies that end up admonishing rap in any way, as long as logical sense is used. I also don’t think that the results cannot be used in any way shape or form. I just think that the way they will be used is wrong and also contains a bit of a, well…no shit, vibe to it. But alas, such is my opinion. On to the analysis.

The sampe they used for this was 1,000 community college students aged 15-25. Now, I’m not rocket scientist or survey psychologist, but in today’s day and age, what is the music form that a good 80 percent of all 15-25 year olds are listeing too?

Anybody?

If you said rap, give yourself a pat on the back. Young people, black and white, during their early years tend to trend similarly in their musical tastes because we all get our musical tastes from where?

Anybody?

MTV.

Now, that’s not to say that MTV is the sole music source for many of us (your parents are also a big source), but in all reality, who doesn’t watch MTV at all? In their teenage years? Let’s ALSO throw into the equation that these are college students (community, but hell its still got an element of education). Raise your hand if you never drank or tried any illicit drug in college, on your own volition.

*spotting a few hands here and there*

It’s kcuffin’ college! Especially in the white world, from what I know, drinking is just one of those things you do. I went to a predominantly white high school. Them white kids would get drunk every weekend like it was nothing. I have no reason to assume that those who were drinking in high school would stop by the time they got to college, be it community or Harvard. In college, the black students were smoking up shit like it was going out of style. I know so many people who experimented with drugs it isn’t even funny. People who I’d never think smoked a few times just because they figured they should get that experience. Hell, I’ve considered smoking a cigar before because I was bored. And that was two weeks ago. I’ve never smoked a thing in my life.

Once again, it’s kcuffin’ college! And they are 15-25 years old and rap is the most popular music form right now. Even people who claim not to be rap fans listen to Nelly. And you know white people love Eminem and 50 Cent. How else would they do those huge numbers?

My second beef is the order of operations or methodology. So, based on what I read, I’m assuming they just gave these folks a questionnaire with questions about their drug use, alcohol assumption, aggression, etc. and it simultaneously questioned them about their music preferences from rap to rock and roll. That’s all well and good except when coupled with the age group and the fact that these are college students, you are going to get results like this. Hmm, I smoke pot. I listen to Nelly. Well, Nelly listeners are prone to smoking pot. It’s too simply done.

If a=b, and b=c, then a=c. With a being college student, b being illicit drug use (or what have you) and c being rap music.

That’s WAY to simple a connection to make. And then run with.

The experiment I’d like to see?

Track kids from an early age all with the same background (and I know that you won’t be able to predict if they come up the same way but hey, that could play a part in it as well) using their musical preferences as a guide. See what happens to the kids that don’t listen to rap and what happens to the kids that do listen to rap. If the kids that don’t listen to rap end up being perfect model citizens and the kids that do end up shanking mofo’s at age 15, well then you got me. But what happens if there is no difference? What happens if the Preacher’s Kid who doesn’t listen to rap drinks as much and smokes more than the lawyer’s son who listens to rap…exclusively?

Hell, on The Boondocks, Huey did an experiment to see if he would be dumber if he watched nothing but black shows for two weeks straight. Now THAT is some science I can get behind!

I realize that these studies are done because somebody probably wants to find out the connection. And at its most basic level, this is probably how some random high school student would do this experiment. But, it seems a tad reckless since most scientists know that most people can’t read nor do they give a shit about the “other findings” like:

Researchers emphasize that the survey’s results can’t determine whether listening to certain genres leads to alcohol or illicit drug use or aggressive behavior.

However, young people with tendencies to use alcohol or illicit drugs or to be aggressive may be drawn to particular music styles.

At that point, it becomes a chicken and the egg scenario. And scientists have been grappling with that one for eons.

Which made this finding even more funny to me:

The study, published in the May issue of the Journal of Studies on Alcohol, also found that young people who listen to reggae and techno use more alcohol and illicit drugs than listeners of other music, with the exception of rap.

So young partygoers and ravers might use drugs??? No way!

Nope. That’s not what people care about.

People care about this: Study shows rap music drives kids to drink and use drugs.

Score one for anti-rap proponents!

“People should be concerned about rap and Hip-Hop being used to market alcoholic beverages, given the alcohol, drug and aggression problems among listeners,” Meng-Jinn said. “That’s particularly true considering the popularity of rap and Hip-Hop among young people.”

You can add a “no shit, sherlock” to the end of that statement as we didn’t need this study to let us know that malt-liquor companies have been trying to use rappers for years to tap into the listeners. St. Ides, anyone?

Maybe, it’s just me, but if that was the point of this study, then the researchers have been asleep at the wheel for quite some time since none of that is news.

So, to the people who will use this as just further proof that rap is what’s wrong with the black community, I pooh-pooh on your assertions and question if you’ve really thought about this study for more than the 10 seconds it took to read the headline that you were happy to read.

Reading is fundamental, rap is the manifestation of a bunch of other problems in the black communiy and the world community as a whole, and niggas that don’t read will get you killed.

And that is some science for that ass.

Much like any inner-city urban youth does when going through some adverse times, over this past weekend I went and cuddled up to my one true love…

…mah’ music.

I jacked that in paraphrasatory manner from The Steve Harvey Show from one of the many episodes where Regina played Steve like a space-aged banjo. Either way, there is some truth in that statement. For some reason, from Thursday night thru Sunday evening, the time that should have been spent doing my taxes was time that was spent going through my music stacks and going hogwild. In total, I must have spent well over 20 hours sitting in or around my computer doing music related things.

Ironically, very little of that time was spent online since Comcast has decided that despite my on-time monthly payments for cable-internet service, I should only receive it at their whim. Smurfers!

Well, this time with my first love (mah’ music) caused me to do a lot of random thinking and come to realizations and out of the benevolence of my heart, I’ve decided to share them with you. How kind of me.

- On Thursday night, at about midnight, my little sister called me because she was bored. Mind you, I had to be at work on Friday but that didn’t seem to bother her much. So we sat on the phone until about 130am EST. Well, at that point, I was no longer tired so I did what any other sane person would do at 130am. I got up and went and surfed my CD’s trying to pull every old school hip-hop album I had (which came to about 45) because as soon as my sister and I got off the phone, I began thinking about making an old school playlist of songs that are GUARANTEED to get any dance floor filled with people over 24 hype. At 130am.

Plus, I really wanted to hear Black Sheep’s “The Choice Is Your’s” remix. At 130am. I love my family.

- I realized that Cypress Hill’s self-titled debut album, of which I have owned on CD since 1991, might be one of the first CD’s I ever purchased. I think the first one was TLC’s Oooooooooh…On The TLC Tip but I really can’t remember which I got first. All I know is that the first time I heard “How I Could Just Kill A Man” when it was playing in the movie Juice in 1991, I had to have it. I was 12. So my dad got it for me and folks wonder why I curse so much now.

RAP MUSIC IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

-Anybody who really thinks that should be burned in a VW Jetta while Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” plays in the background at blaring levels. They should also have their toenails plucked with Bic pens.

- I no longer hate KRS-One. Despite my admission that he’s a good rapper, I have NEVER been a fan. I’ve never owned a KRS-One album nor have I ever really liked one of his songs THAT much. I recently purchased BDP’s “classic” (yeaaaaaaah…okay) album, Criminal Minded…and I don’t like it. I could so live without that album.

However, “Step Into A World”, “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know”, and “Outta Here” are hot songs. Period. And KRS really was on his smurf on those joints. I’m not saying I’m a fan for real. I’m just saying that I don’t hate him any longer.

- On a similar note, I think I have finally realized that Rakim really is the greatest rapper of all time. I have been listening to the Paid In Full album non-stop all weekend. And son was really that nice. I used to argue with folks about this since Jay is clearly always able to claim that spot, but this weekend, I was converted into a Rakim fan. However, his stock has fallen off further than Enron, and I’d be okay if I never heard anything new from him ever again.

All that to say, Rakim at his peak, was the best in the game.

- “You Know I Got Soul” by Eric B. & Rakim is one of the best hiphop songs ever. You can disagree, but you will be wrong.

- “They Reminisce Over You” by Pete Rock & CL Smooth is my favorite hiphop song ever. This is purely subjective, but I think this is the best beat ever made. And I would be more than willing to argue about this all the live long day as I realize there are LOTS of songs out there that could vie for title of Best Beat.

-Have you ever heard a song that you know was sampled by a hiphop group but you can’t put your finger on what song used it? That’s happened a few times over the course of my life. Well that happened to me recently. I was at my boy’s house and he played Junior’s song “Mama Used To Say.” For those who don’t think they know that song, I assure you, you do. It is the song with the famous lyrics:

“take your time young man/don’t you rush to get old…”

Anyway, I was perplexed to high Hell listening to that song until it dawned on me what song I remember it from. And it was at this point, my ignorance points reached new levels.

Poison Clan’s “I Hate Hoes”.

Yes, a song by pre-”Whu Dat” JT Money, about his disdain for hoes. The first lines of the song?

“I fell in love with a bitch so I married one/but a nigga in love with a bitch, is very dumb”

The chorus?

“I hate hoes/hoes hate me/I hate hoes/hoes hate me”

I’m so proud. I love ignorance.

-I created an old school hiphop club album this weekend and I had TOTALLY forgotten how effin’ great “Peter Piper” by Run-DMC is. Damn shame they got LL Cool J for that beat though. I didn’t even know until I read it on allhiphop.com (though it makes SO much sense) that the original beat for “Rock The Bells” (which is another of my favorite hiphop songs) was the “Peter Piper” beat. Run-DMC is grimey for that son. But just like in death, seniority usually rules.

-If ever there is a Hip-Hop Hall of Fame, and Bob James doesn’t get in for his contributions to the hip-hop catalog, somethig is foul in the state of Denmark. Seriously, Bob James (and George Clinton and James Brown) has been sampled more times than chinese food in the mall.

-Phyllis Hyman is one of my favorite singers ever. Now. And of course, she’s dead. I think I have an affinity for dead singers or something. All of my favorite voices are folks who have tragically met an end from Donny Hathaway to Sam Cooke to Minnie Ripperton to Marvin Gaye and now to Phyllis Hyman. Word to the wise, if you have a favorite singer that you cherish, make sure I never know about them. It might end badly.

-I mentioned before that I create compilation CD’s in a series that I call, “my mama’s music”, whose original intent was for me to send the CDs to my mother as gifts since she doesn’t want to hear all that hippety hop non-sense. Well, this weekend, I created THREE new compilations in the series. I went from Volume 2 to Volume 5. And as anybody who has tried to do it knows, creating a compilation CD is a difficult undertaking. It seems like you’d just throw a bunch of songs together, right?

Nope. If you really care about what you’re doing, you will think and re-think about songs that make the cut in attempts to make the perfect compilation. It’s a grueling process. Not unlike making sausage. And totally not like it at all.

-Are you still reading?

-I went to my favorite crack dealer, CD Depot in College Park, MD, and had Big Daddy Kane’s first album, Long Live The Kane, IN MY HAND. And put it back because for some reason, I wasn’t convinced it was the first album. What in the HELL was I thinking??? I haven’t been this pissed at myself since…hmm…this is a story.

Have you ever thrown clothes in the washer and dryer and then realized upon pulling them out that you had a ball point pen in with the clothes? Yeah, that happened to me. Luckily, it didn’t open so my clothes were fine. Now, the genius in me had 2 options here. 1) Throw it away. or 2) Open up the pen knowing good and damn well that the ink will spill all over the floor since it didnt happen in the dryer. Clearly option 2 is the wrong way to go.

But I just had to make sure it was the wrong way to go. So I opened up the pen cap and yep…just like I thought, black ink all over the floor and my hand.

Education has nothing to do with being smart. Trust me.

Moral of the story. I had the album in my hands and put it back. Quel idiote.

-Speaking of crack, my iPod has become so important to me that I’m literally AFRAID to leave it at home now. I want it with me everywhere. I put the playlists for all my compilations, of which I have around 10 now, on my iPod. I spent all 20 of the hours this weekend playing with my music (in the non-Andre 3000) way, on iTunes arranging and re-arranging.

Apple’s iPod changed my life.

[***This right here is another Panama-length entry. Reading is Fundamental. ***]

Hi, my name is Panama and I’m a hip-hop fan.

Hi Panama.

I realized something a few days ago. And I’m not quite sure how to say this so I might as well just say it straight up.

I like being lied too.

*gasp*

Yes, apparently as a fan of mainstream hip-hop, I appreciate being lied too from some of my favorite artists.

Notice I said, MAINSTREAM rap. For all of you boho’s out there who will think this is an indictment on ALL rap, please read the preceeding sentence again. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

*humming Eminem’s “I’ll Kill You”*

N.W.A. lied to me constantly, Mobb Deep lies to me all of the time…

STOP.

We have a further twist in the soap opera of Deep In The Unit. Allegedly, Prodigy, the once shining prince to Nas’ King of Queensbridge (despite being from Lefrak City), was quoted as saying:

“God didn’t save my life, 50 saved my life.”

I’m officially going on the record as saying that Prodigy is hands down in love with 50 Cent. I’m also going to go ahead and make this call: If this album tanks, Mobb Deep will be no more as I don’t believe that Havoc will be able to take anymore of the ubergayness that Prodigy is exuding regarding 50 Cent. It is causing longtime fans of the Mobb to really question their gangsta. You saw it here first folks.

Back to the lies.

T.I. lies to me. The Game lies to me. Nelly lies to you all. Ludacris lies to me. 50 Cent lies to any and everybody who will listen. B.G., Lil Wayne, etc. Well you get the point. These niggas are all lying because they continue to write all of these tales of their current street acumen and all of the weapons they travel with and the drugs they currently slang, etc.

And I am a fan.

Now granted, I don’t actually believe any of these dudes do half of the shit they claim to do. I don’t believe that Young Jeezy is moving that much snow in the hood or that T.I. is still moving snow in the hood or that 50 Cent does or Cam’ron. I don’t believe that any of these dudes has murdered anybody, with the possible exception of 50 Cent and that’s strictly due to one line on his song “Problem Child.”

“they say you can never repay the price for taking a man’s life/I’m in debt with Christ cuz I done did that twice” - 50 Cent

I’ll admit, I do question the veracity of that statement and maybe it just sounds good in rhyme. But, errrum, most rappers tell you that they WILL kill you, as in future tense. 50 says that he HAS done it. Somehow, that makes me a little nervous. Luckily he isn’t in any jeopardy of going to Heaven anyway as I do in fact believe his posters are plastered through the Great Hall of Hades as one of the biggest proponents of Hell.

But for the most part, I don’t believe most of these rappers who spend so much time trying to get us to buy into the fact that they really have that much street credibility. And I’m not saying that none of these dudes sold drugs. I’m sure that T.I. did as I’m sure that Jay-Z did. I’m sure 50 Cent did as well as a slew of other rappers. Of course, there are lots of questions about how big these “drug dealers” were as even Biggie’s own people have said that he wasn’t nearly the drug dealer that he claimed to be as he was merely dealing in selling small amounts of weed, but I do believe they were selling drugs. The way some of these rappers move, in particular 50 Cent, gives credence to the fact that their street acumen does have some validity to it. Many of these dudes do indeed have the soul of hustlers so I believe that many of them have done SOME of the things they claim in rhyme. Let’s just say that they amongst the lies they share resides some segment of truth.

But between all of the murders these rappers claim to be willing to commit and all of the weight that they claim to be moving and the fact that I don’t actually believe any of them are as big time as they claim, it just seems that I like being lied too. I mean, I buy into it as it relates to their persona on wax. And somehow, they seem to buy into their own stories enough to convince me to buy into them. And I’m not alone. For some strange reason, as far as our mainstream rappers go, with the possible exception of Kanye West, we all like to hear about how hard these dudes are and we can easily look past the fact that their entire catalog is filled with odes to drug slanging and killin’ niggas on the block.

[***Sidenote: Since there is no better place to do this, am I the only person who's about damn tired of seeing UGK, and paritcularly Bun B, on EVERYBODY'S songs? Seriously, I'm a huge UGK fan. I was a fan before many folks even knew who they were largely because I'm from the South, but facts are facts. Right about now, I'd be happy never hearing from the again. It almost seems like they have NOTHING to rap about anymore either. I used to love Pimp C and I'm starting to despise him. I guess what they say about overexposure is true, which would explain the hate for Beyonce, Halle Berry, 50 Cent, etc. I just want them to take a break for a while. Also, Houston has ALREADY begun to fall off...anybody else notice that?? A.T.L. it isn't. ***]

Now for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ll let this type of shit slide. The lies, I mean. Most normal people detest liars. People that will lie to you are the very people you’d not want to be around. Yet in mainstream rap, being able to convince people of your street respectability, be it fabricated or not, is paramount. If somebody found out that Kenny Rogers never had played a game of poker, well, how upset would the country music world be. Or what if the Dixie Chicks were from Canada? Or what if Guns ‘N Roses didn’t live the life they sang about. Of course, that’s an impossibility because if you’ve seen the vh1 Behind The Music on the Guns, you’d realize, them white boys and Slash were nuckin’ futs.

I guess this all ties into the very notion that even as an educated black man, respect and pride are very important. I live in a black neighborhood and you don’t want anybody to even think about wanting to mess with you. Somehow, these are the problems we concern ourselves with. So I sometimes walk around with this air of “don’t fuck with me or this might be a bad day for you”. We all know I’m as gangsta as they come, but we also all know that I purchased a Hillary Duff CD. The key is to not let anybody else know it. And I think this is a problem that is unique to the young black man experience. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that we spend a lot of time trying to scare the bejesus out of white and black people. Hell, we don’t have anything else…all we have is our respect.

Or so we say.

And maybe that’s why we like to be lied to so much. We spend so much time trying to be the dude that everybody wouldn’t want to mess with, kind of as a manifestation of our idea of self-preservation, that despite the sheer impossibility of many of these rappers claims, we see them as a lot like us, even if we may come from totally different circumstances. We’re still young black men and we share the same problems. Just like me (though not really at all), they might like snowboarding (like The Game does), but don’t let anybody look at him wrong on that snowboard or he might have to beat you down (rumored true story…when was the last time you saw three parenthetical statements in one sentence?). And I’ll have to do the same. I’m a G.

Right?

I remember during the last episode of Season 3 of The Wire, after Stringer Bell, had been gangstaliciously murdered by Omar and Brother Mouzone, Detective McNulty was in Stringer’s apartment looking through his books and possessions and he couldn’t believe the types of books String had apparently been reading. It was so astounding to him he wondered aloud who in the hell was he chasing?

I wonder if a lot of these dudes are indeed like that. They all seem to look up to Tupac and we know the intelligent hoodlum he was. I know a lot of people don’t like Tupac as a rapper, and I have my days as well, but as a person he was the epitome of the young black man so many of us wish to be. Educated but respected by all. He had the pedigree, he had the struggle, he had the ability to rise above it, and he went out in a blaze of glory. Actually, nix that last part, I’d rather go out while drinking some Kool-Aid when I’m 98.

All in all, I wonder if the reason we love being lied to so much is that because so many of us spend so much time lying to ourselves about who we really are. From white suburban “thugs” to some of the inner-city black “thugs”. Yeah the white boys get to grow out of it, but so many of us young black men still fall victim to the idea that we have to be able to be respected in the streets, at age 30.

So yes, I like being lied too. Hell, I enjoy it thoroughly. And I think I don’t pay much attention to it because in some kind of weird way, I understand.

Besides, if I want honesty, I’ll just listen to Milli Vanilli.

Oh, right.

[***I hear that there's some dude out there named Panama who writes long posts. I'm sure glad I'm not him. Ole long winded self! Yes, that means this is long. ***]

Who knew one song could cause so much intra-race controversy?

It’s been a few days since the world found out that it is, indeed, hard out here for a pimp. Three 6 Mafia couldn’t have predicted that a year ago, a song they were commissioned to do for an indepedent movie would be placed on center stage during Hollywood’s biggest night. After all, they were just doing what they were asked to do; create some original songs for the pimp-turned-rapper, DJay, to perform in the movie that pertained to his pimpin’ lifestyle.

And now, “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” won an accolade that many people wish to have on their resume.

And a lot of black folks are pissed. Which isn’t surprising.

And the title of this post had little to do with anything, I just like the song. It’s by Blue Oyster Cult.

Rock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There have been articles all over the internet, national newspapers (more specifically, the Washington Post ran two articles that I’m aware of) on both sides of the coin. Some people are happy that they won, or think that it was good for hip-hop while others are completely aghast, disappointed, pissed, and offended.

I believe that some black folks think this is akin to “Plymouth rock landing on us…again…followed by Chris Rock, Rock ‘n Roll, and Prudential.”

You know, piece of mind, it comes with every piece of the rock.

*rimshot*

Hell, I’ve heard people refer to Three 6 Mafia’s winning of the Oscar as confirmation of white America’s love for black modern day minstrel shows.

Others hate that black stereotypes are lauded.

Well, you get the picture. A lot of black people are very upset with this.

And in some ways, I can understand…but that’s only because I’m very aware that a lot of black people care a whole hell of a lot about white people’s perception of us. Somehow, it seems that our own self-perception is tied into how white America views us.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, black folks are full of shit.

Why do we care so gotdamned much about how they see us? Really. I want to know.

Black people are so full of concern over our image (as it was pointed out to me last night, and I can’t believe I never thought about this, but we even have the NAACP Image Awards…good God) that we hate anything that can be deemed contrary to what we would like our image to be.

Mind you, I understand the need for balance. To be honest, I’d wager that there is more balance nowadays, outside of mainstream hiphop, than there ever has been before. I can’t think of a single scripted show featuring majority black people on television that doesn’t feature upwardly mobile, well-to-do black people. Black people with degrees and businesses, etc. You know, the people like a lot of us. With the image that we want.

And you know my problem with that? It’s all steeped in how we want to be viewed by larger society…you know, white people.

How in the hell can we progress if our entire self-image is rooted in how we would like to look to white people?

And I’m no better at times. I pride myself on usually not giving a flying fuck what most white people think about me. I kind of march to my own beat most of the time anyway, so even black folks are confused. But there are times when I’m just as guilty of caring about white people’s opinions as the next person. And that is stupid.

It’s impossible to improve your own situation when you’re too busy trying to make sure you look good to a group that, for the most part, doesn’t give a shit what image you put out there. How can we, as black folks, even figure out what’s best for us as a community (assuming that any of us really do give a shit about that community thing since I figure most folks care about what white folks think because of how it might negatively impact them as individuals) if our entire goal is to make sure that white people see that some of us do have degrees and jobs.

Especially when they already know that since they give some of us jobs. Begrudingly at times, but they do.

For the most part, I manage to live my life according to my own liking. And do you know why? Go ahead…take a gander…

…it’s because I’m free.

We have a long way to go in race relations. Clearly, but last I checked, I was free. I didn’t have to live my life dictated by the whims and musings of white people.

So why do so many of us do that? Why do we try to do all the things that one wouldn’t typically associate with black. Hell…why do some folks think they have to dissociate themselves period?? I’ll never understand that.

And speaking on race relations, I find it funny that we want mainstream media, and essentially white America’s perception of us to be perfect…because don’t get it twisted, we don’t want them to have a balanced view of us, we want them to think of us as equals, but in that equality lies a want to be considered as educated people who are as successful as they are at many different ventures. Anytime we can show white folks that we aren’t all poor, we make strides to do so.

But…we also want white people to still recognize racism. It’s like we want white people to look in the mirror and say, “yes you fucked over black people, but still they rise, like the tides. and despite the slip and slides, they rise…they took all that racism and made it anyway.”

Come on…how realistic is that? We want instant gratification and recognition. It’s going to take some time. Hell, we JUST started getting into white schools almost 50 years ago. And that took a landmark Supreme Court case. It isn’t like we were welcomed with open arms, an apple, and some Mentos.

The freshmaker.

Hell, do you even realize that the entire last few paragraphs were all about our dealings with white people? And how we want them to essentially welcome us to the table? Are you still reading right now anyway?

Why don’t we care more about what’s going on inside our our communities first…then worry about what the hell else white folks think? It isn’t like racism is going anywhere anytime soon anyway. Just because we THINK that they look at us differently doesn’t mean they do does it? Or is that what it’s all about anyway…

…we just want to FEEL better about ourselves…and if we feel white folks feel good about us, then maybe we will feel good about us too.

Man, I miss Ice Cube from 1991. For all of the criticism he caught, he had the right idea. Focus on us first, fuck how they think.

This is why we can’t rise as a people, X. It has nothing to do with Three 6 Mafia. They won that award because the Academy didn’t give a shit about how we view ourselves. They liked the song. Same reason Terrence Howard was nominated for his role, because he played a good ass pimp (no pun intended).

Somebody needs to do a study on why we’re so good at portraying the very stereoypes we rail against.

And on why we care so damn much what white people think…please, somebody explain it to me.

(And on how we can keep Flavor Flav on TV for as long as possible, with a possible reality show featuring Crunchy Black as well.)

[***Administrative Note: Being as today is the last day of Black History Month, I thought I'd pass on a link I received from a friend of mine in North Carolina that includes many pictures from the Civil Rights Movement, specifically the goings ons in both Birmingham and Montgomery, both hotbeds of civil rights activity. It really is an intersting special report from the Birmingham News, so get thee to a nunnery, and check out Black history as it was happeneing. ***]

I rarely listen to the radio anymore. I just usually watch MTV Jams to determine what the hot songs are right now since the hot songs usually have a video which is why I would be watching MTV Jams since they show videos and since I’m paying extra money a month for the digital package JUST so I can have MTV Jams and vh1 Soul (which both show videos, by the way) the least they can do is provide me the information on what the popular songs of the moment are.

So yeah…I don’t listen to the radio much. On the occasions when I do, sometimes I’m treated to a song or two that I actually like. Most times, I hear songs that I hate to admit I like or songs that I’d never pay my own money to own. Rarely do I hear a song that has any semblance of social relevance or is relatable to the common man. It’s usually bitches and money. Excuse me…that was not the right thing to say.

Big booty bitches and money.

And cars.

But then yesterday happened. As I drove home from work, I decided to listen to the radio. Anybody who lives in the Washington, DC, area knows that between the two radio stations here, WKYS (93.9) and WPGC (95.5), you will hear the exact same songs on either station…on repeat…all day long. Which is why I don’t listen to the radio much and just usually watch videos on MTV Jams to figure out which songs would be on the radio since those would be the popular songs…well…we already covered that.

Upon listening to the radio, WKYS to be exact, I heard a song of social relevance. I heard a song of truth and honesty. I sat in traffic, attempting to slow down to 40 MPH (to avoide the ticket-cameras that will take a picture of your ass for doing 46 in a 45 MPH zone…actually its more like your bumper and license plate but since Patra had the song “Pull Up To My Bumper” I assume it was more about ass than cars which is why using the word “ass” a few lines back is somewhat of a pun, not one of those “intended” puns, but a pun nonetheless) in the 3rd Street Tunnel as I made my way to New York Avenue.

What I heard in this song was a man’s realization. It was a man’s realization and admittance (and if that’s not a word, try admittation on for size) that he was human. It was a song that spoke of a problem, but wasn’t asking for help. It was the nature of man. Man doesn’t usually want help for his addictions or problems, man wants to wallow in them and receive the momentous short-lived euphoria we gain from the moments our addictions bring. We don’t want to lose the freedom our addictions bring to our locked-down minds and bodies.

This song was common to all mankind.

This song has social relevance.

This song was T-Pain’s, “I’m In Luv (Wit A Stripper)”.

No go ahead and laugh and say something to the effect of, “this nigga is trippin’.”

[***Sidenote: Yesterday I was perusing some old posts of mine when I came across a new comment on a post from last January about what happened to me at a club in Huntsville, Alabama. In this comment, the person told me that before I go talking about racism of any kind, I need to re-examine my use of the word "nigga" on my site. And though I don' t understand how the two correlate given that I am a black man and refer to myself as the dreaded n-word, which is clearly an argument for another day and can go on for many many days, it could very well be a valid point. However, I am the master of my soul, the funder of my domain, and illustrious words of the Youngbloodz, we here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises, "don't give a fuck" what you think. If I use the word nigga, it doesn't mean that racism, overt or covert, exists any less...AND...I'm Panama the Most Muhfuckin'. Apparently, they didn't get the memo. So, in case you missed what was in between the lines up there, and you are reading this right now....this goes out to you and you and you, let me clear my throat, and enunciate it properly...fuck you. Smile! ***]

The reason this song speaks volumes about mankind’s inner battle is because this is a real phenomenon that isn’t spoken about much in pop culture. Sure, there are many an ode to the ass bounceologists, but mostly in the exploitative manner. When was the last time you heard a song about a man exhibiting his desires over the strippers in a way that neither degraded or relegated the women to mere trinkets for a man to ogle over??

Not that this song doesn’t do those things, but I’m just saying, when was the last time you heard a song like that?

However, T-Pain does admit the fact that one of the Pole Proprietors has gained a spot in his heart. And let me tell you, he isn’t the only man to have this happen. I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes to a friend of mine.

A long time ago, for one of our boys 19th (or 20th) birthday, somebody had the bright idea to take him to a strip club. Well, we were in Atlanta so that suggestion was not only a great idea, but everybody was on board. Strapped with a cadre of 1 dollar bills (actually we were pretty broke so we didn’t have so many), we ventured to a strip club. After being called out by the club management for sitting right up on the stage but not tipping well, we commenced to put our money into the stripper’s bank account. Then we got a lap dance for my boy.

I watched an entire relationship happen before my very eyes.

During the course of this lapdance, my boy had a look of true passion on his face. There seemed to be actual feelings occuring. In that 10 minute lap dance, he told her that he loved her.

You see, my boy fell in love with a stripper.

T-Pain’s song gives an anthem and a face to men everywhere who have fallen in love with strippers. Sure, you can’t touch them in some states and in DC they don’t even take off their bottoms…but that doesn’t change the fact that some men do fall in love with strippers. They are the fantasy we desire. They provide the elusive pleasure principle that many a man doesn’t receive from the cascades of women he may be involved with…unless he is dating a stripper.

Which usually doesn’t exactly conjure up thoughts of jealousy. Somewhere along the line, the buck stops at dating a stripper. Jury’s out on how fucked up this is or not.

But you see, that’s why this song brings so much to the table. He wants to bring this woman to his home to do that night thing, but he can’t wife her up. She’s a stripper for goodness’ sake. The moral dilemma of the Strip Club Connoisseur. The Thong Theorem. The ultimate question mark.

He’s in love, but what can he do with that love?

Nobody knows.

He’s in love with a stripper, as many a man is, but she’s a stripper and her job is to make other men feel important. There is agony, and pain. T-Pain to be exact.

She’s poppin’ and rollin’…she’s coming down from the ceiling.

Right into the hearts of man.

Finally, a song about the common man’s plight for love in all the wrong places.

Finally, a song about life.

Question…and that’s if only I can ask this question.

Can I?

Yes you can!!!!

What exactly is “deep” niggaz fascination with Jimi Hendrix?

And what is it exactly about Jimi Hendrix that can turn a black man’s life upside down, a la Common?

I attended college. That means two things. For one, that means I’ve come into contact with quite a few black people who can actually read. It also means that I came across the “deep” or “earthtone negroes” who love all things spiritual and grass-like…

…and Jimi Hendrix.

And I’m wondering what exactly it is about Jimi that brings people an extra sense of clarity or inner-spiritualism. Granted, I’m a big fan. I love me some Jimi Hendrix. So I’m not questioning whether or not the accolades, fandom, and all around dicksuckery is warranted. He is the pre-eminent guitar playing rocker from the late ’60’s. In fact, I think the government took him out on purpose. Fuck that overdose non-sense. Between the ironically timed deaths of him, Jim Morrisson, and Janis Joplin, I think there is proof of some sort of government conspiracy. I think it was the burning of the guitar that pissed the government off in Jimi’s case.

You do not burn the white man’s instrument of choice…no matter who you are.

I realize that Jimi influenced rock music in ways that no other person has with all of his guitar tricks and techniques. Yet somehow, I don’t think that’s how the reading black folks are influenced since most of us just don’t play a guitar…period.

The reverance for Jimi Hendrix is so amazing to me considering how (as extension of the last post) so many black people do not listen to rock ‘n roll in its traditional sense. And Jimi Hendrix was rock ‘n roll. In the 1960’s and 1970’s I can see how many black folks would have loved Jimi so much being as those were times of free love and shit and rock and soul music often crossed into one another. You can listen to albums by Led Zeppelin and its as bluesy as anything B.B. King would have done. The lines were blurred.

But it’s 200X. And reading black folks who like to wear earthtones love them some damn Jimi Hendrix.

We, as a the rap community, saw what Jimi Hendrix did to the two men who dated Erykah Badu…and lived to tell about it. I mean, Erykah introduced Jimi to Dre and Common Sense, and helped to create Andre 3000 and Common The Chi-Town Knit Kufi King. Which is similar to Sofa King, but not at all.

Hmm…I wonder how many reading black men find Jimi on their own. And is there a difference if a woman introduces you to Jimi Hendrix? For instance, I discovered Jimi on my own per se. It was more of of a “I keep hearing so much about this dude, let me get me some Jimi”…that’s how I got into the Hendrix Experience. Being as it was all on my own, and I wasn’t high, maybe that’s why upon listening to “If 6 Were 9″, the walls in my room didn’t turn purple and psycadelic doves and lillies didn’t bounce to and fro.

But.

What if I had been introduced to Jimi by a woman I was in love with. Mayhaps things would have been different. Gander if you will…

While chewing on a strawberry flavored chewstick and sitting under the cherry moon, with some khaki colored cargo pants, an earthtone green tshirt with a picture of some tree branches and a black fist on it, some khari shells, and a knit kufi, my girl, who happens to be wearing an ankh necklace and a headwrap with a nose-ring and an arm length twisting arm-bangle thingamajig and a wrap-dress causing people to liken her to a sun-goddess says:

“Panama, don’t you just love the grass?”

“Yes baby, it just makes me think of a simpler time when my soul and spirit were one with the Earth. How you feeling?”

“PJ, I feel good. It’s like all is right with the world and you are my God and my sun. The light is shining on you brotha in ways that make the souls of the fallen trees shake and stir beneath us…”

“Baby…you have no idea how much that means to me. I feel like our souls are intertwined like the ivy growing on the side of a a strong foundationed building that has lasted ages beyond its hope and dreams. That’s you and me girl…we’re ivy league.”

“P…the only thing that could make this day better is a little bit of that good sticky-icky…of MotherEarth of course, and some Jimi.”

“Jimi?”

“Yes baby, you aren’t up on Jimi?? Let me expand your horizons and the depths of your consciousness…baby, are you ready to be experienced?”

“I don’t know…I’m a little scared…am I?”

*placing headphones on PJ and gently caressing his eyelids before closing them so that he may allow the good sticky-icky and Jimi to expand his horizons*

“BABY…OH MY GOD…I SEE…PURPLE HAZE??!!!!!!!!!”

“That’s it…just let the spirit move you…inhale the purple haze…and then watch the purple haze…you are now…experienced!”

What if that’s how it happened?

Would I have this deep-seeded esconsed innervision and feeling that made me not only appreciate Jimi, but believe in the essence that is Jimi?

Who knows…

…but I’m trying to understand.

Hey Joe…

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power… the world will know peace” - Jimi Hendrix