Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

I love election season. Here, in the Washington, DC, area, thousands and thousands of front yards and random street corners are filled with placards endorsing a wide array of candidates for a wide array of elected positions.

And aside from the complete waste of resources and urban blight it creates, it really is quite entertaining, if not altogether ludicrous.

For instance, I was driving down Georgia Avenue, on the Montgomery County, Maryland, side one day and I noticed a huge billboard for Steven Silverman, County Executive hopeful for Montgomery County. On this billboard he asked the question of all drivers, “Are you tired of traffic? If so, vote Silverman”, or some such other non-sense. I looked at his website and sure enough, traffic congestion is one of his main issue areas that he plans to take care of if elected.

Be still my beating heart, a candidate who cares about something I care about.

To bad I live in District because I sure would love to benefit from less congestion.

For those not in the DC area, there are two means for doing this: 1) the Inter-County Connector, a much needed highway connecting northern parts of Montgomery County with Prince George’s County somewhere; and 2) the much ballyhooed Purple Line on the Metro (Washington’s subway system), which will eliminate some of the complete unnecessary time travel created by the forefathers of Metro due to its sometimes non-sensical routes.

There are two parts of this that strike me as odd. For one, both of those projects have been in the works for quite some time. It’s not like he’s going to come into office and suddently they are the top priority. If you live in Washington, traffic is a top priority for everybody.

And secondly, dude, you’re totally not going to eradicate traffic congestion.

Not gonna happen. Traffic is a function of people. Washington area? Yep, we got lots of people. But at least he’s saying he’ll do it.

Or take a candidate for County Exec. in Prince George’s County, Rushern Baker. For the first time last night I saw his ad where he plans to change PG County, Maryland around. He says, “imagine a PG County that’s first in education and last in crime…”

Well, yeah, you’re definitely going to have to imagine that because as far as I can tell, in the DC area, it’s last in education and definitely giving DC-proper a run for its money at being first in crime.

But at least, he has the right spirit.

And all of the politicians vying for office say the exact same thing and make all of the same promises that will rarely see the light of day. Anthony Williams, for all of his faults, at least made a change in DC.

He got lots of black folks out and brought a lot of white folks in. I didn’t say it was a good or bad change, but its a change nonetheless.

And he got us a stadium deal that will bleed a city dry that needs all the money it can to stop crime. But hey, we need baseball in DC. Plus, it might kick up my property values.

Oh yeah, I don’t have any property because DC costs an arm and a leg to live in. There are houses going on my block for over $600,000. I saw a prostitute in my neighborhood last week, and if this one woman asks me if I’m “holding” one more time, I just might run over her with my car.

Granted, I live in DC’s up-and-coming Bloomingdale neighborhood, but good googly moogly, that’s a lot of money for a house and a ho.

But you know what, the Mayoral candidates have all addressed that as well as both Adrian Fenty and Linda Cropp, and hell probably Vincent Orange, have all made affordable housing a priority. Glory day.

You know what, elected officials are like the worst relationships you’ve ever had magnified. They tell you everything you need to hear to feel better about keeping them around while they screw you behind closed doors. Then when they get caught, they blame things on prior administrations (previous boyfriends/girlfriends) and constraints they have and never quite tell you the total truth. They tell you what they think you want or need to hear in order to feel better about yourself which will make you feel better about them.

Usually while doing as much as possible to do as little as possible.

Gosh I love politics.

I sound jaded I know. But if you worked where I worked and did what I did and saw what I saw you’d be the most cynical bastard on Earth too.

Let’s just say, I handle the money. And lots of it. For the people who get to decide how you, me, him, and her, would be best served by it.

Politics.

Thing is, you have to vote for somebody. There’s no reason not to vote. I’m a firm believer in the old adage that if you don’t vote you have no right to complain. And for all of the non-sensical campaign promises that we all know will never come to fruition or the non-sensical photo-ops where its painstakingly clear that they’d rather be somewhere else, at least they put on a good front. And that’s what politics are all about, the permanent campaign. Always smiling for the cameras and always making sure that you feel better about your decisions to vote for who you voted for.

Are the city’s coffers being drained unnecessarily? Maybe so, but hey, at least that Mayor cares about people. Hell, Marion Barry, who’s gathered quite the rap sheet in the past few years is still one of the most beloved politicians amongst Black people in Washington.

Today in the Washington area are the primaries and soon the nation will be electing new or incumbent Senators and Congressman, undoubtedly all people who will at least do us the courtesy of making us believe in them. And I for one appreciate that.

Smile and screw.

At least they’ll give you a kiss when they’re done…if you ask.

Even prostitutes don’t do that.

The second oldest profession wins out every time.

A house and a ho, a smile and a screw.

Man, I love politics.

I spotted this blog post from my boy Matt over at 1115.org…as the Internet Kingpin Bol said, it’s a motherfucker of a blog post about Hurricane Katrina including pictures and interviews straight from the N.O. It’s powerful stuff and Matt is one hell of a photo reporter. So take a gander…consider it When The Levees Broke Part 5, if you will.

A Victory Lap For Broken Promises

And…

I just saw this story so I figured I’d share it…two posts in one day…

Now I don’t know how rampant this type of thing is down there, or if this is more the norm than the exception but it seems to have riled up some folks. And to quote the article, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire…”

So I figured I’d share.

Fell free to discuss…assuming there’s really anything to even discuss.

From the Shreveport Times:

Black students ordered to give up seats to whites

Status of Red River Parish bus driver is unknown
August 24, 2006
By Vickie Welborn

COUSHATTA — Nine black children attending Red River Elementary School were directed last week to the back of the school bus by a white driver who designated the front seats for white children.

The situation has outraged relatives of the black children who have filed a complaint with school officials.

Continue Reading »

There’s been something on my mind for quite some time now.

And I acknowledge that it isn’t deep and probably doesn’t deserve too much mention, but alas, I can’t help myself.

I mean, I use words like alas from time to time.

Time after time…if you’re lost and you look then you will find me…

That damn Cyndi Lauper, boy. Way ahead of her time.

Anyway, we were discussing what bothers me. It’s this.

Everytime I hear T.I.’s song “Why You Wanna” I find myself cringing at the part of the song where he says: “Is you happy?”

*clap*

And yes, I do agree with the Tipster, if your ass is phat, you really shouldn’t tell a nigga no…I mean why would you want to go and do that, love, huh?

Perhaps its the education in me, but hearing intentionally incorrect English so blatantly browbeaten just hurts my feelings. And I know its a rap song, and as most rappers are black people, we tend to speak in horrible English all the time anyway.

Hell, I STILL say shit like, “they be trippin’ sometimes…” So there is a little bit of pot calling the kettle ebony here, but still. It’s just so pronounced in that song. They stop the music and everything. It’s like clouds are parting and all of a sudden the only voice you hear, the only authoritative voice you may hear at the end of a heavenly diatribe about women saying no when their panties are so wet is some nigga who clearly KNOWS better.

Okay, so yeah, I’ve heard T.I. talk and and English professor he isn’t. But he’s smart. And I’m almost positive that when recording the song he might have (at least once) attempted to say it correctly. Problem is, it probably sounded better as “is you happy?”

Case in point…I read somewhere that when Kanye was recording the song “Crack Music” from Late Registration, he didn’t want to use the word “nigga” in the chorus, where it goes, “It’s that crack music, nigga/that real Black music, nigga.” He said he tried to use brotha and I believe he said he tried to use something else (EDIT: I was just informed that the other word was “homie”). But nothing quite captured the sentiment (or sounded as good) as well as “nigga”. And the worst part is, I do understand. I’ve been writing songs for a while now and my goal is to not curse or use the n-word in any of my songs.

Do you know how hard that is? Especially considering the source. I have friends who don’t use the n-word because they have said I use it enough for all of us.

Oh well, I’m good at it.

Just like cursing, I’m really good at that.

I remember one summer in Atlanta when I was staying at my grandmother’s house and we were all outside playing. There were these two cousins that lived two doors down from my grandmother and they were like the little 12 year old ‘hood pimps.

Oh yeah, I was 12. I learned to read at 3 years old so at this point, I’m working with a solid 9 years of grammar and comprehension training.

So these girls walked up to us, and one of the cats said, “hey shawty, what yo’ name iyah?”

Even at 12 that stung. I remember thinking to myself, “thats not right…” My very education had been challenged, offended, and scoffed at all at once. In fact, I’m not sure that I could fix my lips to ask a woman that in all seriousness.

But one day…I had an epiphany. I realized that when using the term “shawty”, it is downright wrong to use correct English after it.

For instance, if I came up to you and said, “hey shawty, what’s your name?” wouldn’t that sound dumb?

Reading it might not give you the full effect.

So do this for me: say it out loud to yourself a few times. Try the “what yo’ name iyah” and “what’s your name” after the statement “Hey Shawty…”

*waiting*

It sounds better the ‘hood way doesn’t it?

Which brings me back to my original beef with T.I.’s statement. He doesn’t say shawty before he makes the statement so it seems to me that he could have said it properly. I’m almost sure that they tested it both ways. I know I would have. Thing is, with T.I. it’s okay for him to say it that way because, it’s well, T.I.

Nobody expects Russell Simmons to be able to speak, and I swear Jay-Z is either the slowest talkin’ nigga in history or speaks so deliberately as to not waste a word. My money is on the former.

Like I said, I’m really overthinking this, but it does make me cringe when I hear him say it. Every time.

And it’s Friday, and it was on my mind.

Sue me.

I’m still sexxy.

But to all the women out there, if you ever want to holler at me, and you say, “what yo’ name iyah…” I will surely laugh at you and ask you…

…why you wanna go and do that love, huh?

Of course, I might also ask you, “is you happy?”

And then ask to see your tattoos.

Of your children.

Thank you and good night.

“This Philly cat back it…” ~ Beanie Sigel, “Guess Who’s Bizzack” from Scarface’s album, The Fix

Bill Cosby is back at it again.

Actually, I assume he never stopped and has been travelling the country pissing off black people left and right with his chastising of those in the Black community that he feels simply aren’t doing their part.

Well, he’s gone to taking shots at the hip-hop community…finally.

I say finally because it seems slightly perplexing to me that after all of his thousands of rants and raves (and illegitimate children) across the nation, he seems to have left hip-hop alone. There has been little mention of how horrible rap music is or how denigrating it is to Black women or how violent it is.

I mean, c’mon Bill, even white people know that rap music is to blame for all the country’s ills. Which makes me wonder how out of touch he really is.

I know I’m making a leap here, but seriously, when discussing how fucked up the inner city is, EVERYBODY takes shots at rap. Rappers take shots at hip-hop. White people, Jewish people, Dominicans, aliens…

…pastors, bakers, candlestick makers, cobblers, wobblers, librarians…

…Presidents, Vice Presidents, Mexicans…

…well you get the point.

They all take shots at hip-hop.

For fuck’s sake, Bill…how is it possible that you completely missed out on assigning blame for the ills of Black people to the culprit that causes the Black community to devolve into the guntoting, pound-cake stealing, non-reading bastards that we are? Especially when so many of your contemporaries never miss an opportunity to do so.

Which leads me to two possible conclusions: 1) he actually doesn’t think hip-hop is that much of a problem and is more concerned about the root cause of the issue; or…

STOP!

This just in: Bill Cosby Addresses Absentee Fathers and Criticizes Hip-Hop (click on link to go to Allhiphop.com article)

Oh well.

So the only other conclusion I have is this, 2) Bill Cosby hasn’t been paying attention and finally turned on either BET or MTV or the radio or just so happened to be listening to some shit a grandchild or somebody played and was offended and decided to attack hip-hop now as well.

There is no way in 7th Hell that you can go years chastising the “lower dredges” of Black society without criticizing rap unless you just aren’t paying attention…

…which is what I tend to do with Bill Cosby now. It’s hard to pay attention to him when everything he says seems so doggone persnickety. And I’m not even saying he doesn’t make any legit points, but its all in the delivery Bill. You should learn from Rakim or Kane or AZ. Delivery Bill, delivery.

Every good rapper has a good delivery. It’s why we listen to dumb shit all the time…that and it usually sounds good.

Oh, and he’s wrong on this point:

“They put the word ‘nigga’ in a song, and we get up and dance to it,” Cosby said.

Not true, Bill. We get up and dance to it because it’s on.

Unless of course it’s Yung Joc’s song “It’s Going Down” which, I mean, just totally rocks, in which case we get up and dance to it because we all want to do the dance that goes with it.

Oh yes, and do the “have you ever seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors” part. That part is fly.

I’m just wondering when all of these critics of the lower class, especially the Black ones, are going to decide to attack the circumstances that led to this shit. All of the problems we have now aren’t new. In fact, none of them are new. The same problems that were present in the 50s and 60s are present today.

The difference now is that white America is fascinated by this culture and puts it all over television. And since they’re fascinated, they find us ninja’s to keep it up…it’s a vicious cycle really.

People are well within their rights to get upset at the state of Black America, and hell, hip-hop. But rarely is anybody doing shit to combat the very problems that we so often rail against.

Fuckin’ armchair activists, that’s what it seems like most of us are. Granted, I wouldn’t put Bill Cosby in that boat, and in some ways I suppose he’s earned the right to be a crochety old fuck. I think I’d just appreciate it more if I felt like he wasn’t so out of touch on some of these things.

Because now he just seems like he’s whining. And messages get lost in the whining.

When was the last time you wanted to do anything for somebody who was whining to you about something? It was like 10 minutes before never for me.

“This is a great evening because we’re calling on men to come claim their children,” said Cosby, who spoke for 20 minutes before joining a panel to field questions. “And that’s part of being a man. You cannot be a man at all if you haven’t claimed your child. Some of you have three, four, five of them. You have more children than you have jobs.”

This is kind of tangential, but I always have a problem with these speeches. Namely, it seems like he’s preaching to the choir. The very fathers he’s talking about probably aren’t there listening to him nor would they care.

And that crosses all color lines.

Many people posit that the family structure is what has the Black community mired in stagnation.

I agree with that too, and I wonder how you make that point to the fathers who aren’t there because those are the ones that need to hear it most.

More questions, fewer answers.

It’s not easy being Black.

Or hip-hop for that matter.

Star of the Star and Bucwild show…come on down!!!

*playing The Price Is Right Music in the background*

You’ll have to excuse me for a second because I’m about to get ignant.

Got it? Good.

Some niggas really need to be shot in the middle of the street for everybody to see. And this nigga (Star) is one of them. You see, niggas like this nigga (Star) make it hard for niggas like this nigga (me) to really love all of my black people the way that I want too. For one, he’s a fuckin’ idiot. For two, he makes the rest of us look bad by doing what he does when he does what he does like he does it for radio. And C, niggas like this have no remorse or even see anything wrong with what they’re doing. To me, he has basically sold his soul at the expense of any and all sense and doesn’t really give a shit who is in his wake. You see, this nigga is just disprespectful. And I hate him.

But I hate him now more for his utter fuckin’ stupidity on the Bill O’Reilly show, because you see now…now, he’s involved every nigga who loves and listens to hip-hop and has made us all look worse. At least Bill didn’t go down that road with him. Hell it seems that even Bill O’Reill wasn’t buying his horeshit.

Okay, I see you need some foundation. My apologies for getting a little carried away.

For those people who are not familiar with Star, he is a former shock jock for NY’s Hot 97 and moved to (I believe) Power 105 after being fired behind the Aaliyah debacle back in 2001.

What’s the Aaliyah debacle you ask?

This was when he went on air and had quite assholishly mocked the plane crash that Aaliyah was on full with yelling and screaming as the plane went down. His head was rightfully called for and I’m sure he lost some nights of sleep because he’d offended quite a few folks. Everybody wanted to whip his ass.

But being a shock jock, I suppose that’s what you do. Shock and piss people off. The more people the better.

Recently he was fired (and subsequently arrested) from his post at Power 105 because he (on-air) publicly threatened to pull an R. Kelly on the 4-year old child of rival Hot 97 host DJ Envy. He also made various racial remarks about Envy’s Asian wife and what he’d do to her. He asked the listeners to provide him the address to the school where Envy’s attended so he could go up there and pick her up himself and get his R. Kelly on.

Basically, he’s a sick fuck.

And quite frankly, I’ve always hated him. Well, now, he’s proven as to why he needs to be shot. Below is a YouTube video of him on the Bill O’Reilly show. Look, I’m no fan of Billy Boy, but he’s not stupid, and he doesn’t take to kindly to be taken for an idiot as most of us don’t.

Star…tries to play him. Just watch this stupid shit and tell me if you don’t want to shoot Star yourself.

This nigga REALLY tried to play off what he said on radio as part of hood culture…in FACT, this nigga BASICALLY blames hip-hop for what he said and places it in the realm of being okay because verbally jousting and threatening to piss on one’s child is just what we do in the ‘hood.

Umm, I ain’t NEVER even thinking of having a thought of pissing on nobody’s child as revenge, and there are STILL crackheads in my neighborhood.

Word life.

Fuck you Star…and please go die. .

Click on the link below to view the YouTube interview between Bill O’Reilly and Star.

Star on the Bill O’Reilly Show

Or at least that’s what the headline would say if I was writing for a major newspaper.

Of course that assumes any major newspaper would give a shit about what happens on BET. Either they don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what goes on over at BET.

Rightfully so too.

In case you haven’t heard, it’s been reported (this article via Allhiphop) that BET has cancelled BET: UnCut after a six year run. I don’t know about you but I’m fairly conflicted about this for a few reasons.

For one, I like UnCut. Not from a quality standpoint but more from a social good standpoint. Where else are non-talented rappers and busted chicks who didn’t make the cut in quality videos going to get a shot now? Public access?? I’m sure they have some kind of screening process for public access channels. BET clearly does not, but isn’t that the joy of BET?

As much shit as I talk about BET I have to give them credit for always looking out for the little guy. Nearly every rapper on UnCut is some guy with a video camera and some luchini to spend who decides he wants to rap one day. How else do you get guys named Black Jesus making songs called “Tell Me What That Thing Smell Like”? And he isn’t talking about the air freshener. And for the record, that might have been one of the most entertaining videos ever to hit television.

And what of the guy from Alaska who’s name eludes me. In this particular video, he had video hoes shaking that ass against a backdrop of the freakin’ mountains. The guys? They had on parkas. The girls? They wore the standard UnCut paraphanalia: g-string and g-string looking bra.

I was happier after seeing that video.

BET was the place where non-talented black people had their shot. And I’ve said it before, but video hoes provide a service to the community that other women will not do. They exist so that loser men may look successful. And you can’t just manufacture that kind of commitment, it has to be sincere.

Viva la video hoes.

Another point of conflict is this: despite liking UnCut for its entertainment value (I can appreciate good ignorance) it really was quite an asstastic mess of a show and put our male/female problems right on front street. Yeah I like seeing scantilly clad women but good got damn. We sure know how to take shit too far, don’t we? Some of the shit I’ve seen on that show surprised the living shit out of me. Women really will go a long way for some shine. And men, well we’ll let women go a long way for some shine.

Then there’s the other point. BET, in all of its uberfuckery, ran UnCut for 6 years. They cut Cita’s World after a few and cut Ed Gordon’s shit for budget reasons. Which makes me think this wasn’t any kind of moral reason though I wouldn’t be surprised at some point if they tried to spin that. Hell this is the same station that claimed it didn’t show Coretta Scott-King’s funeral because it wanted to offer a different viewing experience…which was videos.

I hate BET.

Point being though, this clearly wasn’t a decision they wanted to make but it seems kind of strange as I can’t imagine UnCut was costing them money. It was probably one of the few shows where artists would pay to get some burn. Shoot uncut versions of videos, throw in some video hoes and some credit cards and voila, bingo bango…you’re on TV. I suppose my conflict on that point is that I feel like they were forced to cancel it and that’s just not fair.

Oh what a twisted web I weave.

Truthfully it should have been cancelled long ago. Women’s groups quietly protested the show blowing up with the Spelman College tirade a few years back. But BET and UnCut kept it moving. Oh yes, fuck Bob Johnson (for good measure). So why now? Why cut the show now? I know there was no social conscience, but it seemed like a cheap ass show to run.

Which leads me to my fully conflicted conclusion:

I think BET is finally going under.

I think its on the way out and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Despite my disdain for BET, I don’t openly boycott the station, I just don’t remember its there. There isn’t a single show on BET that I need to see…so I rarely end up on that station. I still think that BET could turn itself around and in some ways I kind of wish it would but the two new shows they’re rolling out (one with Keysia Cole and the other with DMX) aren’t really going to get people flocking to BET. UnCut was the staple that people flocked too.

So I’m kind of torn here. On the one hand, I don’t really give a shit about BET and it hasn’t been worth shit for years now, but what if it is on the way out?

Which brings up the most important question of all…

…where will all the aint-getting-a-shot-at-TV-nowhere-else hosts and shit go if BET goes under?

Unemployment in the black community might be on the way up.

Hold me.

Good morning.

Today…is a good day. Not unlike yesterday. Or tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow will bring a better you, a better me.

However, it is so hard to say goodbye, to yesterday.

Yes, today, Panama has absolutely nothing to talk about…but everything to say.

I am an enigma.

I am also sexxy.

Love me. Love me, say that you love me.

I have a confession to make. I’ve gone and done it. Yeah, the big “it”. I’ve been avoiding it like the plague because I was afraid if I did it, it would open me up to ridicule from the masses of people who believe in me. Hell, I was afraid to disappoint myself.

Somebody…hold me.

Don’t you love how just uber-random this shit is? It’s gonna be like this the whole way through. You should keep reading though, this gets interesting in a soap opera kind of way by the time we get to the end…trust me.

If The Champ over at The Royal Youngs is a lemming (I think that’s what he said), then I’m an Alaskan anteater following little dark dots around aimlessly hoping for it not to be pepper, but for it to be the key to success and more like sprinkles.

No, I didn’t go to Starbucks or watch more BET.

I joined…

…MySpace. At the prodding of one of my compadres, I was convinced to join the newest low-income housing development in the e-streets. It’s just past Al Gore Blvd. and right next to Web Circle. I have built my home at…

… www.myspace.com/panamadjackson.

*hanging head in shame*

Honestly, this shit is quite addictive. There are just so many people on there I don’t even know where to begin looking…or hell, what I’m even looking for.

Well, what the hell are you waiting for (after me there shall be no more)?

Alright, now let’s get down to business bitches, cuz it seems that y’all just keep on trying to diss this nigga that you know that’s been down for years….

1) I watched Black.White. again last night. My hatred for the white couple is lessoning but my hatred for Carmen (the black wife) has increased hundredfold. She just annoys the flying squirrel shit out of me. I might discuss this more in a later post because the black folks are really turning me into fans of the white family. And the white girl telling the black folks that she was white took some major cajones and I’m somewhat inclined to think that she must have also told them they were on a television show because she made it back to Santa Monica from Crenshaw unscathed. It’s like she infiltrated a Black Panther base or something. Interestingly enough, it made me respect her more. And yes her mother is very naive and definitely needs to take a class or two on sensitivity training, but Carmen blew that bitch thing WAY overboard. Fuck her.

2) I hate Jade on America’s Next Top Model with the passion of 10,000 gila monsters and a gecko from Geico. And a partridge and a pear tree. We have also just seen the manifestation of the Black-Girl-Got-Hair-Now-So-She-Think-She-Fly Syndrome in Furonda who not only couldn’t stop looking at herself, but also somehow managed to increase her confidence greatly. And I must agree with Nigel, she does look like E.T. with hair…at all times.

Now for the coup de grace…

My people, my people…somebody has stolen some of my shit…AGAIN!!! AND had the nerve to be SLOPPY about it…AGAIN.

I really need to hold a seminar on how to be a better criminal, I swear I do.

If you are indeed a woman and you jack a man’s post, make sure that he does not refer to himself as a “man/dude/soul brother #2″ in a jacked work. It will bode badly for you. And apparently shit that makes into the net has some serious legs, much like Amerie in the “1 Thing” video or Tina Turner on her amazing Ike-Can’t-Beat-Me-Now Tour AKA What’s Love Got To Do With It.

I was emailed this morning by somebody who noticed the post I’d written about being on a flight with Dem Franchize Boyz being used by someone else as if it was their own story. El dumbass even said that she had just gotten off the flight three hours ago.

*chuckle*

Dumbass.

Allow me to link you to said transgression against King Panama by one Prada1.

Prada1, come on down!!!!!!!!

*Price Is Right music playing rapidly in the background while the ignant jackster runs boobs-a-floppin to the front stage*

It can be found on a message board on some site called Lipstick Alley.

Feel free to go there and check out the similarities. Also notice how I mention that I’m “not a first class dude” and somebody asks her if she is a guy to which she responds, “no she is not”.

Once more, people people people, if you are going to jack somebody’s shit…PLEASE CLEAN IT UP!!!!! For the love of all things fuscia…read the shit and clean it up!!!

Also, notice that the person who called her out, mentioned the once bloggadocious Kajuana (R.I.P.). She really was famous!

Either way, the sloppy stealing needs to cease, for real. I’m not even offended at being jacked.

I’m Panama Muhfuckin’, it’s going to happen.

What does offend me is the uber-bitchmade sloppiness with which it happens. You think I’m so small time that my work won’t even get noticed.

And that’s what hurts. Why don’t nobody love me?

I do have fans!! Fucker!!!

Those are jokes people…I’m not THAT stuck on myself. Today.

Either way, to the person who outted her, thank you and thanks for the email.

To Prada1, step your game up gangsta, you SUCK right now.

Finally, one of my boys gave me a suggestion that I think I will run with. This will either bite me in the ass, be ridiculously fun, or prove that nobody really does give a shit about the Once And Former King Panama.

So, I’d like to ask for suggested blog topics. All next week, I will post every day with one of the suggested topics that are presented. If I get an abundance of possible topics, I will keep it going for a while. If I get no topic suggestions, I will light myself on fire with a rusty barnacle and Betty Boop, pout, then take a 2 day vacation in South Central. I welcome any and all suggestions, be they funny or serious or just outrageously stupid. No topic is off-limits. Just place them in the comments and I’ll do the rest.

To recap:

1) Check out my MySpace page: www.myspace.com/panamadjackson

2) Check out the LipStick Alley Jack-Ass.

3) Offer up some blog topics…please.

“…I’m writing to show you what we fightin’ for…” – Talib Kweli, “The Blast”

“I saw a front porch swing, heard a diamond ring,
I saw a polka-dot railroad tie.
But I think I will have seen everything
when I see an elephant fly. “
-One of the ambiguously ethnic but assumed Negro crows who mocks the pint-sized pachyderm in the GOP landslide success story, Dumbo

Similarly, I ain’t never heard no shit like this.

I’m not married. But I know some folks who are. And every now and then my married friends, relatives, strangers I meet on the Metro in Washington, DC’s underbelly offer me tidbits on the splendors of marital bliss.

Of course, most people’s statement is not to get married, but one can hardly take that without a grain of salt since it usually follows an argument or disagreement that renders one person at the mercy of another.

However, one thing that I always hear from these people are that they sometimes give their spouses tests to prove their love or some other cockamamie idiocy that might backfire on them. The bottom line is, if something is too good to be true, run like hell.

Such finds us with Andrei Kirilenko and his wife’s proposal to him to have the ability to have sex with one woman per year, outside of their marriage, to ward of the temptation since he’s a huge star in Russia and Utah, his nickname is AK-47, and he likes to tell people he carries a big gun.

Okay, I embellished that last statement but I assume that if my nickname was AK-47, I’d tell people I had a big gun…only because I know that the gutter minded fuckers would go straight for the passive-aggressive perverted context as opposed to the fact that an AK-47 is actually a rather big gun and maybe, since I’m from Mother Russia, I might actually have one. Of course, I don’t think you are able to carry a concealed AK-47, or an unconcealed one for that matter, so its probably highly unlikely that he does…however, he does live in Utah, which might be vaguely reminsicent of Russia so he might feel threatened.

Simply, this would be the scariest thing your wife could possibly propose to you, not to mention the most UNFAIR shit ever, but I’ll get to that later.

Let’s start with the…hmm….

***SPOILER ALERT****FLAVOR OF LOVE****SPOILER ALERT****

On the offchance that there is ANYBODY who hasn’t actually seen the season finale of FLAVOR OF LOVE, what will follow will spoil the end for you (Grayse).

I’d like to send a congratulations out to Hoopz for (literally) winning the (gag me with a spoon) affections of one Flavor Flav. As much as I hated New York, I really didn’t see this coming. What now? The reunion show where Pumkin and New York go at it again. Good times.

So back to the scary shit. There are tests in life, and then there are TESTS. Which are similar to the first tests, except the second TESTS are merely capitalized to signify some sort of importance which means that the TESTS for which I’m referring are meant to mean something in the grand scheme of things unlike the spelling test you took in 3rd grade, naw, to easy drill sargeant too easy, I’m speaking of TESTS like when you have to pick between saving the life of your son or the 20 villagers who are 90 years old and unable to copulate without Niagra or Viagra, you know TESTS that will ultimately determine your place amongst the stars or at the very least guarantee your spot in Heaven since (don’t you love how I just ramble for no apparent reason?) Heaven is filled with people who manage to exhibit big freakin’ cajones in the face of danger and temptation which might singlehandedly have barred 4 of the living 6 original Temptations who are called, wait for it, Temptations. If you are Temptation, can you go to Heaven?

Deep.

FINALLY, we get to what I intended to talk about. So, what woman in her right mind would justify this to herself? And what woman REALLY believes that ONE additional woman outside of her would curb his appetite for new snickerdoodle?

*snicker*

A woman who wants to make sure she checks her husband and make sure he knows that she ain’t dumb. I can just imagine the conversation. Or more like, her speaking, and his thinking and trying not to show how afraid he is during the convo:

AK’s Wife: Mr. Big Gun, I offer you the chance to sleep with one woman outside of our marriage per year. What do you think about that?

AK’s: What?? *Thinking: Okay, I must be on television in Mother Russia. Is Dick Van Dyke still alive? I know they have this YouTube think going around so maybe there is a hidden camera in here. She didn’t really say that did she?*

AK’s Wife: Dah, you can sleep with one extra woman because it isn’t cheating if I know about it and I know the woman throw themselves at you despite you looking very goofy.

AK: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? *Thinking: Okay, I don’t know if she’s joking or not. Maybe she saw my magazines of Maria Sharapova on them. Or maybe Anna Kournikova…or maybe she saw my pictures of Keshia Knight-Pulliam…I love her….all that choclate! C’mon brain, this is a trick. There is not good way out of this. Just say thanks but no thanks and walk away slowly.* NYET!

AK’s Wife: Good Andrei…now go clean the kitchen.

You know, that was funnier in my head.

This is just unbelievable on so many levels so my advice to all men when confronted with this is to say, “baby, you are the only woman out there for me and I don’t need any other women…so no thanks for that.” In Russian of course if you can.

That was simple, but quite briefly and since I’m just tired of writing right now, let us discuss why this is very unfair.

How in the shit is he supposed to decide on which woman to sleep with? Do you just wait until December, tally up the best prospects and pick from them? I guess this all depends on who makes theirself available. I mean, if Halle Berry offered herself up, I think you jump on it. But what if say, Toni from Girlfriends, or the goofy looking chick from American Pie (yeah the bandcamp girl) or say the white ho from Hustle & Flow, offered themselves up, I think you’d have to pass and hope for the best. Needless to say, that can be stressful enough as it is.

You don’t want to blow this opportunity. Which is another pshychological mind game his wife is playing. One per year? That isn’t fair. That’s too much calculating and decision making for him to go through. He’ll combust just trying to make sure he isn’t missing out on Jennifer Love-Hewitt or Natalie Portman when he decides to sleep with Lindsay Lohan.

Bottom line, don’t trust it Andrei.

I like Orange.

[***I hear that there's some dude out there named Panama who writes long posts. I'm sure glad I'm not him. Ole long winded self! Yes, that means this is long. ***]

Who knew one song could cause so much intra-race controversy?

It’s been a few days since the world found out that it is, indeed, hard out here for a pimp. Three 6 Mafia couldn’t have predicted that a year ago, a song they were commissioned to do for an indepedent movie would be placed on center stage during Hollywood’s biggest night. After all, they were just doing what they were asked to do; create some original songs for the pimp-turned-rapper, DJay, to perform in the movie that pertained to his pimpin’ lifestyle.

And now, “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” won an accolade that many people wish to have on their resume.

And a lot of black folks are pissed. Which isn’t surprising.

And the title of this post had little to do with anything, I just like the song. It’s by Blue Oyster Cult.

Rock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There have been articles all over the internet, national newspapers (more specifically, the Washington Post ran two articles that I’m aware of) on both sides of the coin. Some people are happy that they won, or think that it was good for hip-hop while others are completely aghast, disappointed, pissed, and offended.

I believe that some black folks think this is akin to “Plymouth rock landing on us…again…followed by Chris Rock, Rock ‘n Roll, and Prudential.”

You know, piece of mind, it comes with every piece of the rock.

*rimshot*

Hell, I’ve heard people refer to Three 6 Mafia’s winning of the Oscar as confirmation of white America’s love for black modern day minstrel shows.

Others hate that black stereotypes are lauded.

Well, you get the picture. A lot of black people are very upset with this.

And in some ways, I can understand…but that’s only because I’m very aware that a lot of black people care a whole hell of a lot about white people’s perception of us. Somehow, it seems that our own self-perception is tied into how white America views us.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, black folks are full of shit.

Why do we care so gotdamned much about how they see us? Really. I want to know.

Black people are so full of concern over our image (as it was pointed out to me last night, and I can’t believe I never thought about this, but we even have the NAACP Image Awards…good God) that we hate anything that can be deemed contrary to what we would like our image to be.

Mind you, I understand the need for balance. To be honest, I’d wager that there is more balance nowadays, outside of mainstream hiphop, than there ever has been before. I can’t think of a single scripted show featuring majority black people on television that doesn’t feature upwardly mobile, well-to-do black people. Black people with degrees and businesses, etc. You know, the people like a lot of us. With the image that we want.

And you know my problem with that? It’s all steeped in how we want to be viewed by larger society…you know, white people.

How in the hell can we progress if our entire self-image is rooted in how we would like to look to white people?

And I’m no better at times. I pride myself on usually not giving a flying fuck what most white people think about me. I kind of march to my own beat most of the time anyway, so even black folks are confused. But there are times when I’m just as guilty of caring about white people’s opinions as the next person. And that is stupid.

It’s impossible to improve your own situation when you’re too busy trying to make sure you look good to a group that, for the most part, doesn’t give a shit what image you put out there. How can we, as black folks, even figure out what’s best for us as a community (assuming that any of us really do give a shit about that community thing since I figure most folks care about what white folks think because of how it might negatively impact them as individuals) if our entire goal is to make sure that white people see that some of us do have degrees and jobs.

Especially when they already know that since they give some of us jobs. Begrudingly at times, but they do.

For the most part, I manage to live my life according to my own liking. And do you know why? Go ahead…take a gander…

…it’s because I’m free.

We have a long way to go in race relations. Clearly, but last I checked, I was free. I didn’t have to live my life dictated by the whims and musings of white people.

So why do so many of us do that? Why do we try to do all the things that one wouldn’t typically associate with black. Hell…why do some folks think they have to dissociate themselves period?? I’ll never understand that.

And speaking on race relations, I find it funny that we want mainstream media, and essentially white America’s perception of us to be perfect…because don’t get it twisted, we don’t want them to have a balanced view of us, we want them to think of us as equals, but in that equality lies a want to be considered as educated people who are as successful as they are at many different ventures. Anytime we can show white folks that we aren’t all poor, we make strides to do so.

But…we also want white people to still recognize racism. It’s like we want white people to look in the mirror and say, “yes you fucked over black people, but still they rise, like the tides. and despite the slip and slides, they rise…they took all that racism and made it anyway.”

Come on…how realistic is that? We want instant gratification and recognition. It’s going to take some time. Hell, we JUST started getting into white schools almost 50 years ago. And that took a landmark Supreme Court case. It isn’t like we were welcomed with open arms, an apple, and some Mentos.

The freshmaker.

Hell, do you even realize that the entire last few paragraphs were all about our dealings with white people? And how we want them to essentially welcome us to the table? Are you still reading right now anyway?

Why don’t we care more about what’s going on inside our our communities first…then worry about what the hell else white folks think? It isn’t like racism is going anywhere anytime soon anyway. Just because we THINK that they look at us differently doesn’t mean they do does it? Or is that what it’s all about anyway…

…we just want to FEEL better about ourselves…and if we feel white folks feel good about us, then maybe we will feel good about us too.

Man, I miss Ice Cube from 1991. For all of the criticism he caught, he had the right idea. Focus on us first, fuck how they think.

This is why we can’t rise as a people, X. It has nothing to do with Three 6 Mafia. They won that award because the Academy didn’t give a shit about how we view ourselves. They liked the song. Same reason Terrence Howard was nominated for his role, because he played a good ass pimp (no pun intended).

Somebody needs to do a study on why we’re so good at portraying the very stereoypes we rail against.

And on why we care so damn much what white people think…please, somebody explain it to me.

(And on how we can keep Flavor Flav on TV for as long as possible, with a possible reality show featuring Crunchy Black as well.)

Atlanta, Georgia.

Home of the Braves.

*chuckle*

That’s funny actually.

Also, home of the most ridiculous speed limit in the history of the United States. Anybody who’s been to Atlanta and driven on I-285 is very familiar with the 55 MPH speed limit and with the total disregard for it by the drivers of the city that Sherman burned.

It’s been affectionately referred to as the Atlanta Motor Speedway.

Many Atlantans have fallen victim to the total randomness of being ticketed for doing 80 MPH on I-285 while everybody else is already doing 75 MPH. I myself have received at least 2 tickets that I can remember on I-285 in both the City of Atlanta and Cobb County.

And a ticket in Atlanta is no joke. One of my tickets was a whopping $285. Much like other ticketed drivers who are confused by their tickets when it is a well documented fact that there is NO enforced speed limit on in Atlanta, I’ve often wished I could do something about it…if only to prove a point. I’m all for civil disobedience.

Which is why I proudly stand up, salute, and add to my list of heroes, the group of students from Georgia State University who had enough and decided to do something about it. They were tired of tickets so they took the Georgia Depart of Transportation on.

Check the Atlanta Journal-Constitution article here.

They are my heroes.

These students released a short film they created called “A Meditation On The Speed Limit” and are receiving all the national attention they deserve. What did they do?

(Check out the video here.)

In four cars, on all four lanes, the students from Georgia State University and other local colleges paced the entire midmorning flow of Perimeter traffic behind them at 55 mph for half an hour. They call it “an act of civil obedience.”

“I get a lot of tickets,” said Andy Medlin, 20, the Georgia State student who came up with the idea. “The best way to expose the flaws in the system is by following it.”

God bless us everyone.

And also piss off EVERYBODY in the process. Traffic in Atlanta is the absofuckinlutely worst. There is no rush hour. Every hour is rush hour. You are just as likely to sit in traffic at 2am as you are 2pm. Believe you me, nothing pisses you off like sitting in traffic in Atlanta at 2am on a Saturday night…on a highway.

Except…

…being fucking ticketed on a highway when everybody is doing at least 75 and you get busted for doing 80. What kind of gotdamned sense does that make? Of course, I was doing 84 when I got my inaugural ticket but that’s neither here nor there.

It’s especially frustrating when considering statements like these from the spokesman for the state Department of Transportation:

(David) Spear added that the speed limit was lowered to 55 because it saves lives. “In Atlanta, the actual effect of it is we expect the people going 75 to move over so the people going 95 can have the right of way,” he said.

Ironically, you can be killed doing 55 MPH in Atlanta more easily than you can doing 75 since NOBODY drives 55 MPH.

These students took a flawed system’s ridiculousness into their own hands. And it is for this, I salute them.

They…are my heroes.

They are a shining example of how you can buck the system by following its very intent.

Their parents should be proud.

I don’t even know them and I’m proud.

Fuck the system!

(And Starbucks!)