I’m Black.

It’s a song. It’s a notion. It’s a culture. It’s a physical trait.

It’s apparently also a reason to act up on a whim. Or at least that’s the thought behind so many stupid ass solutions to problems that arise in public establishments.

Probably thought up by other Black people.

Hence, the AEB: The Anti-Ethnicity Brigade.

What is the AEB? It is the braintrust that comes together to determine how best to prevent shit from occurring when ninjas are involved. You’ve probably dealt with the AEB on more occasions than you realize, you just paid it no mind. You see, the AEB looks at a problem and says, “that problem occurred because ninjas were involved. If we remove the catalyst for ninja-like behavior, we shall have a much safer environment.”

Common sense be damned.

Allow me to example-ize the AEB for you.

Recently, my boy The Doc and I went out to eat for a little late night dinner. We ventured to a Ruby Tuesday’s in Washington, DC’s Gallery Place-Chinatown district. As of late, this area is a hot spot after years of being the not spot.

Well, the Doc and I are drinkers. And as is usually the case, when we chose a restaurant to patronize, we make sure that spirits are available. I usually order Long Island Iced Teas. I like them.

The Doc ordered a Hennessey and Coke. This conversation ensued:

Waiter: Sorry dog, we don’t have Henny or Yac (slangustic for Cognac).

The Doc: Umm…why?

Waiter: We had a brawl in her you know and ninjas were acting up so we don’t sell that anymore.

Me and The Doc look at eachother in puzzled look…then look at the waiter…

Me: But you still sell other liquor right? So you all assume that just because you DON’T give ninjas Henny, they’ll act right? Perhaps we’ll just get souped up on vodka instead then fuck some shit up…Vodka style. Um…that’s dumb.

What you have just witnessed is complete idiocy in practice.

Somebody thought that it would be a good idea to stop serving ninjas Henny because apparently when full of Henny or Yac do we act a fool. I beg to differ. I believe we act a fool with or without liquor.

As we all know, pride is the number one killer of Black males between the ages of birth and death.

Liquor just makes the brawls bigger seeing as how a bunch of drunk ninjas aren’t going to be as accurate or careful as to not hurt themselves as a bunch of sober ninjas would. And even that’s being liberal as a bunch of ninjas in a brawl don’t really care what they damage, drunk or not.

But really, they still sell shots. They still sell vodka and whiskey. I STILL got a Long Island Iced Tea and my boy, The Doc? Just ordered a Jack and Coke.

Have you ever had Jack Daniels? There are white men in Tennessee fighting RIGHT now because they have too much Jack in their system. Oh yes, and Alabama and Mississippi too.

Verse 2, sippin’ on some OE brew…

…so there is an Applebee’s in Bed-Stuy in Brooklyn now. My boy, The Most Shady, lives in Bed-Stuy. When it opened, we both decided that we had to get in there on a Friday night because you KNOW that ninjas in the Stuy don’t know how to act already, so just imagine what could go down at Applebee’s!

Yes, ignorance and trees grow in Brooklyn.

Well, we haven’t made it here on a Friday night, but we did go on a Saturday afternoon. There were 4 of us going, and all three of the males had on hats. We get to the door and the bouncer (yes, a freakin’ bouncer) informs me that I have to remove my hat.

STOP.

Have you been to Applebee’s before? Not to say that it isn’t fine dining, but it’s not fine dining. Shit, I should be able to walk in there with a cut off t-shirt that says “I smack monkeys around like Ike got Tina”. Oh, right, apparently I can as long as I’m not wearing a hat. Now for some reason, this ri-damn-diculous policy made sense to my boys. Which makes no sense to me. It’s fuckin’ Applebee’s. They’re logic was that we’re in Bed-Stuy, which I can only take to mean that potentially you want to stop ninjas from being facially invisible in the attempt that some shit goes down. Fair enough, but no.

Another idea that was thrown out was that it was no different than the club where they have a dress code. Um, bullshit. It’s a fuckin’ restaurant, and not a top shelf one at that. A club has a certain reputation it may be trying to uphold. And that logic MIGHT work at Applebee’s if the waitresses perhaps weren’t tatted up like 50 Cent or gold-chained down like Run-DMC, or weren’t hair weaved up like any ghetto chick.

Further, it’s not a chainwide policy, it’s just that particular Applebee’s. Most likely due to location.

Maybe if they had a dress code as a whole, I’d look at it differently. No hats is not a dress code. I stand by that. Seems like another case of the AEB to me. Trying to say that if we remove hats from ninjas that either 1) we can see the criminals if they try to rob us (which is dumb…who the fuck robs restaurants? but it is Bed-Stuy I suppose anything is possible), or 2) they will act right…

…which we ALL know is just farcical. I could deal with a full dress code better than just removing my hat. Make me take out my removable grill. Or take off the limo-tint sunglasses I’m wearing…or perhaps the Tech-9 that I have under my jacket.

Maybe I’m just optimistic, but I believe that if a ninja wants to act up, he will. We have that kind of spirit. If I want to rob you, then by jove, I’m going to rob you, not because I will be successful, but because I believe in myself and my abilities.

It’s more of a glass half full approach.

I’m well aware that at times one must take the proper precautions to make sure that if you let certain people in, your establishment has at least a 51 percent chance of remaining intact once they leave. Then again, you never know what might set a person off or that the measures you take are actually going to work.

Here’s a straight forward analogy for you: Not serving Hennessey or Cognac in a restaurant in hopes of pre-empting ninja-like behavior while STILL serving all the other spirits (including Tequila and shit), is like using Saran Wrap to give a woman head but then having sex with her without a condom. In 2006.

It was written.

I love election season. Here, in the Washington, DC, area, thousands and thousands of front yards and random street corners are filled with placards endorsing a wide array of candidates for a wide array of elected positions.

And aside from the complete waste of resources and urban blight it creates, it really is quite entertaining, if not altogether ludicrous.

For instance, I was driving down Georgia Avenue, on the Montgomery County, Maryland, side one day and I noticed a huge billboard for Steven Silverman, County Executive hopeful for Montgomery County. On this billboard he asked the question of all drivers, “Are you tired of traffic? If so, vote Silverman”, or some such other non-sense. I looked at his website and sure enough, traffic congestion is one of his main issue areas that he plans to take care of if elected.

Be still my beating heart, a candidate who cares about something I care about.

To bad I live in District because I sure would love to benefit from less congestion.

For those not in the DC area, there are two means for doing this: 1) the Inter-County Connector, a much needed highway connecting northern parts of Montgomery County with Prince George’s County somewhere; and 2) the much ballyhooed Purple Line on the Metro (Washington’s subway system), which will eliminate some of the complete unnecessary time travel created by the forefathers of Metro due to its sometimes non-sensical routes.

There are two parts of this that strike me as odd. For one, both of those projects have been in the works for quite some time. It’s not like he’s going to come into office and suddently they are the top priority. If you live in Washington, traffic is a top priority for everybody.

And secondly, dude, you’re totally not going to eradicate traffic congestion.

Not gonna happen. Traffic is a function of people. Washington area? Yep, we got lots of people. But at least he’s saying he’ll do it.

Or take a candidate for County Exec. in Prince George’s County, Rushern Baker. For the first time last night I saw his ad where he plans to change PG County, Maryland around. He says, “imagine a PG County that’s first in education and last in crime…”

Well, yeah, you’re definitely going to have to imagine that because as far as I can tell, in the DC area, it’s last in education and definitely giving DC-proper a run for its money at being first in crime.

But at least, he has the right spirit.

And all of the politicians vying for office say the exact same thing and make all of the same promises that will rarely see the light of day. Anthony Williams, for all of his faults, at least made a change in DC.

He got lots of black folks out and brought a lot of white folks in. I didn’t say it was a good or bad change, but its a change nonetheless.

And he got us a stadium deal that will bleed a city dry that needs all the money it can to stop crime. But hey, we need baseball in DC. Plus, it might kick up my property values.

Oh yeah, I don’t have any property because DC costs an arm and a leg to live in. There are houses going on my block for over $600,000. I saw a prostitute in my neighborhood last week, and if this one woman asks me if I’m “holding” one more time, I just might run over her with my car.

Granted, I live in DC’s up-and-coming Bloomingdale neighborhood, but good googly moogly, that’s a lot of money for a house and a ho.

But you know what, the Mayoral candidates have all addressed that as well as both Adrian Fenty and Linda Cropp, and hell probably Vincent Orange, have all made affordable housing a priority. Glory day.

You know what, elected officials are like the worst relationships you’ve ever had magnified. They tell you everything you need to hear to feel better about keeping them around while they screw you behind closed doors. Then when they get caught, they blame things on prior administrations (previous boyfriends/girlfriends) and constraints they have and never quite tell you the total truth. They tell you what they think you want or need to hear in order to feel better about yourself which will make you feel better about them.

Usually while doing as much as possible to do as little as possible.

Gosh I love politics.

I sound jaded I know. But if you worked where I worked and did what I did and saw what I saw you’d be the most cynical bastard on Earth too.

Let’s just say, I handle the money. And lots of it. For the people who get to decide how you, me, him, and her, would be best served by it.

Politics.

Thing is, you have to vote for somebody. There’s no reason not to vote. I’m a firm believer in the old adage that if you don’t vote you have no right to complain. And for all of the non-sensical campaign promises that we all know will never come to fruition or the non-sensical photo-ops where its painstakingly clear that they’d rather be somewhere else, at least they put on a good front. And that’s what politics are all about, the permanent campaign. Always smiling for the cameras and always making sure that you feel better about your decisions to vote for who you voted for.

Are the city’s coffers being drained unnecessarily? Maybe so, but hey, at least that Mayor cares about people. Hell, Marion Barry, who’s gathered quite the rap sheet in the past few years is still one of the most beloved politicians amongst Black people in Washington.

Today in the Washington area are the primaries and soon the nation will be electing new or incumbent Senators and Congressman, undoubtedly all people who will at least do us the courtesy of making us believe in them. And I for one appreciate that.

Smile and screw.

At least they’ll give you a kiss when they’re done…if you ask.

Even prostitutes don’t do that.

The second oldest profession wins out every time.

A house and a ho, a smile and a screw.

Man, I love politics.

I spotted this blog post from my boy Matt over at 1115.org…as the Internet Kingpin Bol said, it’s a motherfucker of a blog post about Hurricane Katrina including pictures and interviews straight from the N.O. It’s powerful stuff and Matt is one hell of a photo reporter. So take a gander…consider it When The Levees Broke Part 5, if you will.

A Victory Lap For Broken Promises

And…

I just saw this story so I figured I’d share it…two posts in one day…

Now I don’t know how rampant this type of thing is down there, or if this is more the norm than the exception but it seems to have riled up some folks. And to quote the article, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire…”

So I figured I’d share.

Fell free to discuss…assuming there’s really anything to even discuss.

From the Shreveport Times:

Black students ordered to give up seats to whites

Status of Red River Parish bus driver is unknown
August 24, 2006
By Vickie Welborn

COUSHATTA — Nine black children attending Red River Elementary School were directed last week to the back of the school bus by a white driver who designated the front seats for white children.

The situation has outraged relatives of the black children who have filed a complaint with school officials.
Read the rest of this entry »

There’s been something on my mind for quite some time now.

And I acknowledge that it isn’t deep and probably doesn’t deserve too much mention, but alas, I can’t help myself.

I mean, I use words like alas from time to time.

Time after time…if you’re lost and you look then you will find me…

That damn Cyndi Lauper, boy. Way ahead of her time.

Anyway, we were discussing what bothers me. It’s this.

Everytime I hear T.I.’s song “Why You Wanna” I find myself cringing at the part of the song where he says: “Is you happy?”

*clap*

And yes, I do agree with the Tipster, if your ass is phat, you really shouldn’t tell a nigga no…I mean why would you want to go and do that, love, huh?

Perhaps its the education in me, but hearing intentionally incorrect English so blatantly browbeaten just hurts my feelings. And I know its a rap song, and as most rappers are black people, we tend to speak in horrible English all the time anyway.

Hell, I STILL say shit like, “they be trippin’ sometimes…” So there is a little bit of pot calling the kettle ebony here, but still. It’s just so pronounced in that song. They stop the music and everything. It’s like clouds are parting and all of a sudden the only voice you hear, the only authoritative voice you may hear at the end of a heavenly diatribe about women saying no when their panties are so wet is some nigga who clearly KNOWS better.

Okay, so yeah, I’ve heard T.I. talk and and English professor he isn’t. But he’s smart. And I’m almost positive that when recording the song he might have (at least once) attempted to say it correctly. Problem is, it probably sounded better as “is you happy?”

Case in point…I read somewhere that when Kanye was recording the song “Crack Music” from Late Registration, he didn’t want to use the word “nigga” in the chorus, where it goes, “It’s that crack music, nigga/that real Black music, nigga.” He said he tried to use brotha and I believe he said he tried to use something else (EDIT: I was just informed that the other word was “homie”). But nothing quite captured the sentiment (or sounded as good) as well as “nigga”. And the worst part is, I do understand. I’ve been writing songs for a while now and my goal is to not curse or use the n-word in any of my songs.

Do you know how hard that is? Especially considering the source. I have friends who don’t use the n-word because they have said I use it enough for all of us.

Oh well, I’m good at it.

Just like cursing, I’m really good at that.

I remember one summer in Atlanta when I was staying at my grandmother’s house and we were all outside playing. There were these two cousins that lived two doors down from my grandmother and they were like the little 12 year old ‘hood pimps.

Oh yeah, I was 12. I learned to read at 3 years old so at this point, I’m working with a solid 9 years of grammar and comprehension training.

So these girls walked up to us, and one of the cats said, “hey shawty, what yo’ name iyah?”

Even at 12 that stung. I remember thinking to myself, “thats not right…” My very education had been challenged, offended, and scoffed at all at once. In fact, I’m not sure that I could fix my lips to ask a woman that in all seriousness.

But one day…I had an epiphany. I realized that when using the term “shawty”, it is downright wrong to use correct English after it.

For instance, if I came up to you and said, “hey shawty, what’s your name?” wouldn’t that sound dumb?

Reading it might not give you the full effect.

So do this for me: say it out loud to yourself a few times. Try the “what yo’ name iyah” and “what’s your name” after the statement “Hey Shawty…”

*waiting*

It sounds better the ‘hood way doesn’t it?

Which brings me back to my original beef with T.I.’s statement. He doesn’t say shawty before he makes the statement so it seems to me that he could have said it properly. I’m almost sure that they tested it both ways. I know I would have. Thing is, with T.I. it’s okay for him to say it that way because, it’s well, T.I.

Nobody expects Russell Simmons to be able to speak, and I swear Jay-Z is either the slowest talkin’ nigga in history or speaks so deliberately as to not waste a word. My money is on the former.

Like I said, I’m really overthinking this, but it does make me cringe when I hear him say it. Every time.

And it’s Friday, and it was on my mind.

Sue me.

I’m still sexxy.

But to all the women out there, if you ever want to holler at me, and you say, “what yo’ name iyah…” I will surely laugh at you and ask you…

…why you wanna go and do that love, huh?

Of course, I might also ask you, “is you happy?”

And then ask to see your tattoos.

Of your children.

Thank you and good night.

“This Philly cat back it…” ~ Beanie Sigel, “Guess Who’s Bizzack” from Scarface’s album, The Fix

Bill Cosby is back at it again.

Actually, I assume he never stopped and has been travelling the country pissing off black people left and right with his chastising of those in the Black community that he feels simply aren’t doing their part.

Well, he’s gone to taking shots at the hip-hop community…finally.

I say finally because it seems slightly perplexing to me that after all of his thousands of rants and raves (and illegitimate children) across the nation, he seems to have left hip-hop alone. There has been little mention of how horrible rap music is or how denigrating it is to Black women or how violent it is.

I mean, c’mon Bill, even white people know that rap music is to blame for all the country’s ills. Which makes me wonder how out of touch he really is.

I know I’m making a leap here, but seriously, when discussing how fucked up the inner city is, EVERYBODY takes shots at rap. Rappers take shots at hip-hop. White people, Jewish people, Dominicans, aliens…

…pastors, bakers, candlestick makers, cobblers, wobblers, librarians…

…Presidents, Vice Presidents, Mexicans…

…well you get the point.

They all take shots at hip-hop.

For fuck’s sake, Bill…how is it possible that you completely missed out on assigning blame for the ills of Black people to the culprit that causes the Black community to devolve into the guntoting, pound-cake stealing, non-reading bastards that we are? Especially when so many of your contemporaries never miss an opportunity to do so.

Which leads me to two possible conclusions: 1) he actually doesn’t think hip-hop is that much of a problem and is more concerned about the root cause of the issue; or…

STOP!

This just in: Bill Cosby Addresses Absentee Fathers and Criticizes Hip-Hop (click on link to go to Allhiphop.com article)

Oh well.

So the only other conclusion I have is this, 2) Bill Cosby hasn’t been paying attention and finally turned on either BET or MTV or the radio or just so happened to be listening to some shit a grandchild or somebody played and was offended and decided to attack hip-hop now as well.

There is no way in 7th Hell that you can go years chastising the “lower dredges” of Black society without criticizing rap unless you just aren’t paying attention…

…which is what I tend to do with Bill Cosby now. It’s hard to pay attention to him when everything he says seems so doggone persnickety. And I’m not even saying he doesn’t make any legit points, but its all in the delivery Bill. You should learn from Rakim or Kane or AZ. Delivery Bill, delivery.

Every good rapper has a good delivery. It’s why we listen to dumb shit all the time…that and it usually sounds good.

Oh, and he’s wrong on this point:

“They put the word ‘nigga’ in a song, and we get up and dance to it,” Cosby said.

Not true, Bill. We get up and dance to it because it’s on.

Unless of course it’s Yung Joc’s song “It’s Going Down” which, I mean, just totally rocks, in which case we get up and dance to it because we all want to do the dance that goes with it.

Oh yes, and do the “have you ever seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors” part. That part is fly.

I’m just wondering when all of these critics of the lower class, especially the Black ones, are going to decide to attack the circumstances that led to this shit. All of the problems we have now aren’t new. In fact, none of them are new. The same problems that were present in the 50s and 60s are present today.

The difference now is that white America is fascinated by this culture and puts it all over television. And since they’re fascinated, they find us ninja’s to keep it up…it’s a vicious cycle really.

People are well within their rights to get upset at the state of Black America, and hell, hip-hop. But rarely is anybody doing shit to combat the very problems that we so often rail against.

Fuckin’ armchair activists, that’s what it seems like most of us are. Granted, I wouldn’t put Bill Cosby in that boat, and in some ways I suppose he’s earned the right to be a crochety old fuck. I think I’d just appreciate it more if I felt like he wasn’t so out of touch on some of these things.

Because now he just seems like he’s whining. And messages get lost in the whining.

When was the last time you wanted to do anything for somebody who was whining to you about something? It was like 10 minutes before never for me.

“This is a great evening because we’re calling on men to come claim their children,” said Cosby, who spoke for 20 minutes before joining a panel to field questions. “And that’s part of being a man. You cannot be a man at all if you haven’t claimed your child. Some of you have three, four, five of them. You have more children than you have jobs.”

This is kind of tangential, but I always have a problem with these speeches. Namely, it seems like he’s preaching to the choir. The very fathers he’s talking about probably aren’t there listening to him nor would they care.

And that crosses all color lines.

Many people posit that the family structure is what has the Black community mired in stagnation.

I agree with that too, and I wonder how you make that point to the fathers who aren’t there because those are the ones that need to hear it most.

More questions, fewer answers.

It’s not easy being Black.

Or hip-hop for that matter.

It’s kind of like Snakes On A Plane, only not at all.

Let me just say this right now, I’m actually excited about the movie Snakes On A Plane, but only because I love the title. I’ve been running around telling people about the snakes on the planes for a while now. I like simple things.

I also like good things.

You know, I seriously can’t date a woman who uses sentences like that to answer questions like “what are your interests in life?”

Anyway…

When it comes to dating, there are certain principles that hold true; certain occurences that must occur for there to be actual occurences that occur for the balance of world power to make sense.

For instance, this is a usual order of operations. Man approaches woman. Woman sizes up man. Woman either rejects man (hopefully in a decent enough way) and man picks up face and saunters back to his boys who will joke him about it for the next 10-15 minutes. Or woman accepts man’s opening statement and agree’s to go into trial for a little discovery, litigation, and sentencing.

It usually happens like that in some way shape or form. And you know, when man gets rejected by woman I usually understand why a woman might be upset if a man makes some unnecessarily disparaging remarks because she turned him down. Hell, it’s usually his fault. I’m of the belief that the less a man says, the better he usually does.

Ladies?

YEAH!

I said Ladies!!?!?!

YEAH!!!!!

How many men have you dealt with that have blown a good date or some possible nude Twister because he just talked to much and said something stupid?

*all the ladies screaming*

See?

I’m often perturbed even when men go the asshole route because a woman just isn’t feeling him.

However…sometimes, just sometimes, I believe it’s warranted.

Follow me.

The following situation is real. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

One day not so long ago, this fellow named Pablo was riding the A train in Brooklyn. He caught the train at his normal time and sat down in a seat to begin his daily trek into the Big Apple. Upon sitting down, he noticed a woman that he’d seen on numerous trips on the same train at the same time. He always noticed her because she was attractive and there was something about her that caught his eye. She was special. And she noticed him too. He’d caught her looking before.

Pablo then walked away never to be heard from again.

Now, this heffa didn’t even need to do that. If there is one thing that is completely unnecessary in the pre-courting process, it’s total assholishness. Unless the woman is approached in a jackass manner, there is no need to be a jackass.

Panama’s Theorem of Relative Curse-ability: If you are to reject somebody, the way you are approached should be the way you reject. Anything less is uncivilized. If somebody rejects you in an assholish way after you’ve approached them in a respectful manner, you are well within your rights to say fucked up things to them.

It was written.

I’m sorry, but I almost wish a ninja WOULD try to play me like that on a train when I approach her on some humble stuff. I mean, the dude even said excuse me and opened up with safe lines as to not step on her toes or be overly aggressive or anything.

Oh yes, that mumbo jumbo about, “well Panama, you sexxy mofo you, you have no idea what could have happened her that morning, etc, yada yada yada…”

Yeah, save that shit for the falcons. Her life situation should have very little impact on the way she rejected him. There is a proper way to let a man down so that no unnecessary lives are lost. Think about this…a lot of us reading this are black…

…we KNOW that we’re crazy. Especially some black dudes. And for the white people…yeah, it’s true, a lot of us are nuts.

But we don’t drive around picking people off on some serial killer shit like other whi…oh wait…

Well, we don’t cut up people and place them in the refridgerator to eat later.

Yeah!

You see, my friend Pablo up there would have been well within his rights to ream her ass for that shit on the train.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

There was no reason for her to be disrespectul. Hell, it was his first time ever speaking to her (and the last…can’t forget that part). And truthfully, I just don’t even really understand what would compel a woman to be jackass like that when a man approaches respectfully.

Okay, let’s think about that for a second. Women, do have to deal with a lot of crap from men on a daily basis. Especially the more attractive you are. I’m sorry, but ugly women just don’t have the same set of problems as pretty women.

But we’re all beautiful on the inside.

*ding*

In dealing with all of that, I can understand how a woman’s first reaction can be to get defensive and ready for the asshole to come out and say something like, “Hey ma, I been watching your ass jiggle for the past two months on the train now. I can’t wait til the train slows down so I can watch your breasticles sway with the brakes…so how about me and you just cut the bull and the sexual tension and just get better acquainted over a bottle of $4.99 champagne and some strawberries on my faux-real bear skin rug at my place??”

Okay, see, I can understand how that might get a little annoying. But is it fair to hold Pablo and every man that Pablo stands for in contempt because of the actions of a few?

“Naw…bitch I said naw…” ~ Day-Day, Friday After Next

In order for us to keep this thing moving, we need order.

We need ordeeeeeeeeeer.

I’m looking for insight into this matter, but I’ll tell you now, there is nothing good enough that can justify a woman being an asshole to a man for no good reason, unless he has slept with her before and he has forgotten in which case she would have been completely justified.

But to his knowledge, he had never slept with her.

Women, let this be a cautionary tale. Me? I might have had to return the asshole tenfold.

Amazing these lessons you can learn on the train.

And for kicks…

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

And for additional kicks, a new friend of mine who chastised me for not posting in quite a few days sent me this picture yesterday. You might live in the ghetto if you see this:

Star of the Star and Bucwild show…come on down!!!

*playing The Price Is Right Music in the background*

You’ll have to excuse me for a second because I’m about to get ignant.

Got it? Good.

Some niggas really need to be shot in the middle of the street for everybody to see. And this nigga (Star) is one of them. You see, niggas like this nigga (Star) make it hard for niggas like this nigga (me) to really love all of my black people the way that I want too. For one, he’s a fuckin’ idiot. For two, he makes the rest of us look bad by doing what he does when he does what he does like he does it for radio. And C, niggas like this have no remorse or even see anything wrong with what they’re doing. To me, he has basically sold his soul at the expense of any and all sense and doesn’t really give a shit who is in his wake. You see, this nigga is just disprespectful. And I hate him.

But I hate him now more for his utter fuckin’ stupidity on the Bill O’Reilly show, because you see now…now, he’s involved every nigga who loves and listens to hip-hop and has made us all look worse. At least Bill didn’t go down that road with him. Hell it seems that even Bill O’Reill wasn’t buying his horeshit.

Okay, I see you need some foundation. My apologies for getting a little carried away.

For those people who are not familiar with Star, he is a former shock jock for NY’s Hot 97 and moved to (I believe) Power 105 after being fired behind the Aaliyah debacle back in 2001.

What’s the Aaliyah debacle you ask?

This was when he went on air and had quite assholishly mocked the plane crash that Aaliyah was on full with yelling and screaming as the plane went down. His head was rightfully called for and I’m sure he lost some nights of sleep because he’d offended quite a few folks. Everybody wanted to whip his ass.

But being a shock jock, I suppose that’s what you do. Shock and piss people off. The more people the better.

Recently he was fired (and subsequently arrested) from his post at Power 105 because he (on-air) publicly threatened to pull an R. Kelly on the 4-year old child of rival Hot 97 host DJ Envy. He also made various racial remarks about Envy’s Asian wife and what he’d do to her. He asked the listeners to provide him the address to the school where Envy’s attended so he could go up there and pick her up himself and get his R. Kelly on.

Basically, he’s a sick fuck.

And quite frankly, I’ve always hated him. Well, now, he’s proven as to why he needs to be shot. Below is a YouTube video of him on the Bill O’Reilly show. Look, I’m no fan of Billy Boy, but he’s not stupid, and he doesn’t take to kindly to be taken for an idiot as most of us don’t.

Star…tries to play him. Just watch this stupid shit and tell me if you don’t want to shoot Star yourself.

This nigga REALLY tried to play off what he said on radio as part of hood culture…in FACT, this nigga BASICALLY blames hip-hop for what he said and places it in the realm of being okay because verbally jousting and threatening to piss on one’s child is just what we do in the ‘hood.

Umm, I ain’t NEVER even thinking of having a thought of pissing on nobody’s child as revenge, and there are STILL crackheads in my neighborhood.

Word life.

Fuck you Star…and please go die. .

Click on the link below to view the YouTube interview between Bill O’Reilly and Star.

Star on the Bill O’Reilly Show

Or at least that’s what the headline would say if I was writing for a major newspaper.

Of course that assumes any major newspaper would give a shit about what happens on BET. Either they don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what goes on over at BET.

Rightfully so too.

In case you haven’t heard, it’s been reported (this article via Allhiphop) that BET has cancelled BET: UnCut after a six year run. I don’t know about you but I’m fairly conflicted about this for a few reasons.

For one, I like UnCut. Not from a quality standpoint but more from a social good standpoint. Where else are non-talented rappers and busted chicks who didn’t make the cut in quality videos going to get a shot now? Public access?? I’m sure they have some kind of screening process for public access channels. BET clearly does not, but isn’t that the joy of BET?

As much shit as I talk about BET I have to give them credit for always looking out for the little guy. Nearly every rapper on UnCut is some guy with a video camera and some luchini to spend who decides he wants to rap one day. How else do you get guys named Black Jesus making songs called “Tell Me What That Thing Smell Like”? And he isn’t talking about the air freshener. And for the record, that might have been one of the most entertaining videos ever to hit television.

And what of the guy from Alaska who’s name eludes me. In this particular video, he had video hoes shaking that ass against a backdrop of the freakin’ mountains. The guys? They had on parkas. The girls? They wore the standard UnCut paraphanalia: g-string and g-string looking bra.

I was happier after seeing that video.

BET was the place where non-talented black people had their shot. And I’ve said it before, but video hoes provide a service to the community that other women will not do. They exist so that loser men may look successful. And you can’t just manufacture that kind of commitment, it has to be sincere.

Viva la video hoes.

Another point of conflict is this: despite liking UnCut for its entertainment value (I can appreciate good ignorance) it really was quite an asstastic mess of a show and put our male/female problems right on front street. Yeah I like seeing scantilly clad women but good got damn. We sure know how to take shit too far, don’t we? Some of the shit I’ve seen on that show surprised the living shit out of me. Women really will go a long way for some shine. And men, well we’ll let women go a long way for some shine.

Then there’s the other point. BET, in all of its uberfuckery, ran UnCut for 6 years. They cut Cita’s World after a few and cut Ed Gordon’s shit for budget reasons. Which makes me think this wasn’t any kind of moral reason though I wouldn’t be surprised at some point if they tried to spin that. Hell this is the same station that claimed it didn’t show Coretta Scott-King’s funeral because it wanted to offer a different viewing experience…which was videos.

I hate BET.

Point being though, this clearly wasn’t a decision they wanted to make but it seems kind of strange as I can’t imagine UnCut was costing them money. It was probably one of the few shows where artists would pay to get some burn. Shoot uncut versions of videos, throw in some video hoes and some credit cards and voila, bingo bango…you’re on TV. I suppose my conflict on that point is that I feel like they were forced to cancel it and that’s just not fair.

Oh what a twisted web I weave.

Truthfully it should have been cancelled long ago. Women’s groups quietly protested the show blowing up with the Spelman College tirade a few years back. But BET and UnCut kept it moving. Oh yes, fuck Bob Johnson (for good measure). So why now? Why cut the show now? I know there was no social conscience, but it seemed like a cheap ass show to run.

Which leads me to my fully conflicted conclusion:

I think BET is finally going under.

I think its on the way out and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Despite my disdain for BET, I don’t openly boycott the station, I just don’t remember its there. There isn’t a single show on BET that I need to see…so I rarely end up on that station. I still think that BET could turn itself around and in some ways I kind of wish it would but the two new shows they’re rolling out (one with Keysia Cole and the other with DMX) aren’t really going to get people flocking to BET. UnCut was the staple that people flocked too.

So I’m kind of torn here. On the one hand, I don’t really give a shit about BET and it hasn’t been worth shit for years now, but what if it is on the way out?

Which brings up the most important question of all…

…where will all the aint-getting-a-shot-at-TV-nowhere-else hosts and shit go if BET goes under?

Unemployment in the black community might be on the way up.

Hold me.

Men do evil.

It’s sometimes referred to as the evil that men do.

I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

The men who do evil, who are notoriously famous for being the executors of the evil that men do, tend to be the rue of the Earth.

Let’s see. There was Hitler. No explanation needed there. There was Jim Jones, who despite his misgivings as a crazed lunatic who convinced hundreds of people to die in Panama, is responsible for making a ghetto brand a household name. For it is Jim Jones who caused the coinage of the now age-old adage, “You won’t get me to drink that Kool-Aid.”

The downside there is that Kool-Aid, on its own merits isn’t exactly a nutritious morning supplement, but still, it’s Kool-Aid. How can you ruin Kool-Aid for everybody by killing people with it? That’s just evil. Seriously, on the list of fucked up things to do in life, using Kool-Aid to kill people (despite the poison added, it was still Kool-Aid) just seems wrong on a fundamental level. Luckily, we’ve moved on past the Jim Jones Kool-Aid connotation and children everywhere are able to enjoy it without thinking of cults and mass death, but still.

As you can see, the whole Kool-Aid things really bothers me.

You’re probably thinking to yourself right now, “Self, what in the hell is this uber-sexxy fellow speaking of?”

A-ha.

Well, amongst the throngs of evildoers who have passed over this Earth, there are a few men (and women) who do not get enough attention for their evil deeds. And I for one don’t think that’s fair. As any God-fearing, justice driven individual would do, I feel that it is my duty to bring those deeds to the limelight. I’m speaking of the creators of…

…low-rise jeans.

Evil.

Let that Titanic for a second.

*listening to “My Beautiful Sinking Ship” by Devics*

Maybe it’s just me, but a cool 97% of women who wear low-rise jeans needn’t wear low-rise jeans. I don’t know? Any takers?

In America, we have a problem. There’s a reason Arnold “The Governator” Schwarzenegger was placed on the damn committee for physical fitness back in the day. It’s because we tend to be largely out of shape. Low-rise jeans exploit this losing effort in the Battle of The Bulge by causing women who know good and got damn well that they have no business wearing anything that will accentuate their mid-sections to wear them and mushroom around their jeans. I mean extra back fat and shit that forms a muffin-top like effect surrounding the jeans.

Essentially I’ve seen women walking around looking like mushrooms.

And that is just wrong.

Yes, this might offend some of you. But no, I don’t give a shit. Granted it’s mostly younger white women who seem to not get the memo on when it is appropriate to wear certain clothing, but I’ve seen black women do it.

And even worse, I’ve seen MEN wearing low-rise jeans. And I don’t mean niggas sagging either (which seems to have almost pretty much fallen to the wayside everywhere except in the South).

Hmm…

I’d like to personally put out a moratorium on niggas starting clothing lines. I don’t mean printing up t-shirts, I mean full fledge clothing lines. Just stop. I just read yesterday that F-A-B-O-lous has started a new clothing line called “Ric Yung” (pronounced “rich young”). All these niggas swear they’re doing something different.

They.

Are.

Not.

They all wear the same shit. Whatever Jay-Z says to wear. With the exception of Kanye, Pharrell, and Andre 3000, I don’t want ‘nan other nigga to start a clothing line ever again.

Stop it.

So yes, low-rise jeans and their creators are just evil. They know that women want to expose themselves. Before the Great Apple Incident of Way B.C. men and women were frolicking through the garden bucky-nakey doing cartwheels and jumping jacks. I find it hard to believe that some of that free-spiritedness that resurfaced in the 1960’s hasn’t managed to make its way into our collective eternal psyches. So women will continue walking around looking like mushrooms, making fashion faux pas after fashion faux pas.

It’s just not sexxy. And it counters that whole, “I don’t want to look fat” mantra that so many women wear so proudly. Know your body and know your limitations. It’s one thing to not care what people think. I applaud that spirit. It’s something altogether to not care what people think at the detriment of other people. Not wearing deodorant, or not bathing regularly, or not being able to wash clothes come to mind. Similarly, I can’t not look at a chick with her midriff exposed, especially if it makes me want to go buy some fungus.

Further, your thong does not make me happy if its been lost amidst a roll or two. And I’m not talking dinner rolls.

Though your bad decision might make me want to go eat a dinner roll since that’s what you’re sharing, rolls.

Don’t you see the evil here?

Similarly vying for a place in Hell would be the makers of clothing for little girls that has writing on the hindparts.

Yes, those fuckers deserve to be shot.

For one, it almost seems to ASK for pedophilistic attention. For two, as the educated, reading rainbow pushing brotha that I am, I read everything. And unfortunately, that has included checking out the words sprawled across women’s derriere. I do my best to not pay attention to words written on the asses of what seem to be young women because I feel like somebody might be looking at me and point and yell and then the next thing you know, I’m on some damn registry in Vermont.

Thing is, I don’t even understand it as a fashion thing. Women claim to hate when men only pay attention to their assets, yet if you have words written on them, or are wearing a skin tight shirt with writing on it…well, you’ve given me an excuse to check you out. If you get pissed off that I’m not paying attention to your eyes but your ass, then that’s your fault. Don’t put the words “Enter here” on your ass.

Just don’t do it.

Ass writing = no-no.

The creators of said fashion designs and the like deserve to be backhanded with rickets. They have caused undue pain, offense, and confusion to many a person and they are just wrong. Thank you.

For the legions of women who can wear low-rise jeans, keep bangin’. You are a testament to gyms or good genes everywhere. I appreciate seeing your thongs and the way your jeans hang off your hips. In fact, thank you for having discernible hips. It’s clearly an art, not a right.

I salute you.

Good morning.

Today…is a good day. Not unlike yesterday. Or tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow will bring a better you, a better me.

However, it is so hard to say goodbye, to yesterday.

Yes, today, Panama has absolutely nothing to talk about…but everything to say.

I am an enigma.

I am also sexxy.

Love me. Love me, say that you love me.

I have a confession to make. I’ve gone and done it. Yeah, the big “it”. I’ve been avoiding it like the plague because I was afraid if I did it, it would open me up to ridicule from the masses of people who believe in me. Hell, I was afraid to disappoint myself.

Somebody…hold me.

Don’t you love how just uber-random this shit is? It’s gonna be like this the whole way through. You should keep reading though, this gets interesting in a soap opera kind of way by the time we get to the end…trust me.

If The Champ over at The Royal Youngs is a lemming (I think that’s what he said), then I’m an Alaskan anteater following little dark dots around aimlessly hoping for it not to be pepper, but for it to be the key to success and more like sprinkles.

No, I didn’t go to Starbucks or watch more BET.

I joined…

…MySpace. At the prodding of one of my compadres, I was convinced to join the newest low-income housing development in the e-streets. It’s just past Al Gore Blvd. and right next to Web Circle. I have built my home at…

… www.myspace.com/panamadjackson.

*hanging head in shame*

Honestly, this shit is quite addictive. There are just so many people on there I don’t even know where to begin looking…or hell, what I’m even looking for.

Well, what the hell are you waiting for (after me there shall be no more)?

Alright, now let’s get down to business bitches, cuz it seems that y’all just keep on trying to diss this nigga that you know that’s been down for years….

1) I watched Black.White. again last night. My hatred for the white couple is lessoning but my hatred for Carmen (the black wife) has increased hundredfold. She just annoys the flying squirrel shit out of me. I might discuss this more in a later post because the black folks are really turning me into fans of the white family. And the white girl telling the black folks that she was white took some major cajones and I’m somewhat inclined to think that she must have also told them they were on a television show because she made it back to Santa Monica from Crenshaw unscathed. It’s like she infiltrated a Black Panther base or something. Interestingly enough, it made me respect her more. And yes her mother is very naive and definitely needs to take a class or two on sensitivity training, but Carmen blew that bitch thing WAY overboard. Fuck her.

2) I hate Jade on America’s Next Top Model with the passion of 10,000 gila monsters and a gecko from Geico. And a partridge and a pear tree. We have also just seen the manifestation of the Black-Girl-Got-Hair-Now-So-She-Think-She-Fly Syndrome in Furonda who not only couldn’t stop looking at herself, but also somehow managed to increase her confidence greatly. And I must agree with Nigel, she does look like E.T. with hair…at all times.

Now for the coup de grace…

My people, my people…somebody has stolen some of my shit…AGAIN!!! AND had the nerve to be SLOPPY about it…AGAIN.

I really need to hold a seminar on how to be a better criminal, I swear I do.

If you are indeed a woman and you jack a man’s post, make sure that he does not refer to himself as a “man/dude/soul brother #2″ in a jacked work. It will bode badly for you. And apparently shit that makes into the net has some serious legs, much like Amerie in the “1 Thing” video or Tina Turner on her amazing Ike-Can’t-Beat-Me-Now Tour AKA What’s Love Got To Do With It.

I was emailed this morning by somebody who noticed the post I’d written about being on a flight with Dem Franchize Boyz being used by someone else as if it was their own story. El dumbass even said that she had just gotten off the flight three hours ago.

*chuckle*

Dumbass.

Allow me to link you to said transgression against King Panama by one Prada1.

Prada1, come on down!!!!!!!!

*Price Is Right music playing rapidly in the background while the ignant jackster runs boobs-a-floppin to the front stage*

It can be found on a message board on some site called Lipstick Alley.

Feel free to go there and check out the similarities. Also notice how I mention that I’m “not a first class dude” and somebody asks her if she is a guy to which she responds, “no she is not”.

Once more, people people people, if you are going to jack somebody’s shit…PLEASE CLEAN IT UP!!!!! For the love of all things fuscia…read the shit and clean it up!!!

Also, notice that the person who called her out, mentioned the once bloggadocious Kajuana (R.I.P.). She really was famous!

Either way, the sloppy stealing needs to cease, for real. I’m not even offended at being jacked.

I’m Panama Muhfuckin’, it’s going to happen.

What does offend me is the uber-bitchmade sloppiness with which it happens. You think I’m so small time that my work won’t even get noticed.

And that’s what hurts. Why don’t nobody love me?

I do have fans!! Fucker!!!

Those are jokes people…I’m not THAT stuck on myself. Today.

Either way, to the person who outted her, thank you and thanks for the email.

To Prada1, step your game up gangsta, you SUCK right now.

Finally, one of my boys gave me a suggestion that I think I will run with. This will either bite me in the ass, be ridiculously fun, or prove that nobody really does give a shit about the Once And Former King Panama.

So, I’d like to ask for suggested blog topics. All next week, I will post every day with one of the suggested topics that are presented. If I get an abundance of possible topics, I will keep it going for a while. If I get no topic suggestions, I will light myself on fire with a rusty barnacle and Betty Boop, pout, then take a 2 day vacation in South Central. I welcome any and all suggestions, be they funny or serious or just outrageously stupid. No topic is off-limits. Just place them in the comments and I’ll do the rest.

To recap:

1) Check out my MySpace page: www.myspace.com/panamadjackson

2) Check out the LipStick Alley Jack-Ass.

3) Offer up some blog topics…please.

“…I’m writing to show you what we fightin’ for…” - Talib Kweli, “The Blast”