So apparently the holidays are when people lose their damn mind. Seriously. All you have to do is comb through any random entertainment site and you’ll see some of the most ri-damn-diculous news ever. So let us begin.

Oh and by the way, I’ve been working like an actual Hebrew slave for the past two weeks only coming up for air twice. Okay, perhaps a few more times than twice but you get my point. A brotha was doing work for his actual day job (not just the night job) at approximately 2AM on Friday night.

This AFTER leaving the night job early so that I could do work for the day job. And people say government workers don’t be doing shit. Shit. Or maybe even, sheeeeeeee-it. However, it’s back to the grill again and I’m gearing up for a busy 2008. I have so much crap on the books right now you’d think that I was 4 people. But alas, I’m only one.

But when that one is Panama Muhfuckin’ you KNOW you’re in for a treat. Word to halloween, bitches.

So onto motherfuckers losing their mind. Let’s start with Amy Winehouse.

Have you ever just been worried about somebody you don’t know? That’s me right now. I don’t particularly care for her that much however I’m worried about that dame’s mental. And not in the Michael Jackson way either. Mike seem’s harmless to me. Amy Winehouse seems like a tornado looking for her next trailer park. Her and her husband are like the white Bobby and Whitney in every possible bad way you can view that. This white-nigga is going to jail for tampering with a witness (her husband that is) and allegedly these motherfuckers have…

…wait for it…

…wait for it…

…Beautiful Love and Bitches coming soon to a ghetto near you…

…allegedly threatened suicide if they are separated for more than 5 years.

Good God. These Euros are a few sandwiches short of an English picnic. Not sure what you’d call an English picnic as I’m positive it would include tea and crumpets. So perphaps they’re a few teabags short of an English tea-time. Fuck it, you get my point.

These white people are wasting their whiteness on stupid shit and acting like ignant niggas. Word to Paul Mooney. You can read all about Amy Winehouse’s travails on tmz, vh1, MTV, hell, anywhere at this point. I beg of you not to look at her pictures. For any of us who’ve done any time in the actual hood and have seen a real crackhead, these pictures will be a painful reminder of the fact that there are white crackheads…which of course, does absolutely NOTHING for race relations in America.

White crackheads + Black crackheads = so not that hot shit. However, I’ll bet crackheads everywhere have been saying, “and here’s another hit, Barry Bonds” right before taking that drag.

Hip-hop. It’s everywhere people. Embrace it.

On to the next one…

Any long time readers of this site know that I’m an Omarion fan. I’ve actually purchased his albums and have sang their praises. What can I say? The lil’ guy’s got talent. Could use a growth spurt, but couldn’t we all? Though I must say, there must be a correlation between gaining success at an early age and lack of height. These niggas STAY short forever. Must be those weight-training regimens that give 8-year-old’s abs of steel.

Well, Omarion, or O as we affectionately call him around the Jackson G. Tickle offices, and lil Bow Weezy have recorded an album together called “Face/Off” which not coincidentally has THE gayest album cover in recent history. But whatever. Either way, Bow Wow has been on a tear lately in his attempts to understand why they (though my guess he’s wondering more from his own perspective) don’t get the respect they deserve. O has seemed pretty level headed and sane in most of the conversations but he’s begun to come out of the shell and emulate his miniature-companion. Allow me to provide a few links for you to ponder:

Please see here and here, and oh please see here.

Oy vey. People, my guitar is gently weeping. I’ve come to the conclusion that Bow Wow lives in an alternate universe where he is actually important to the progression of music as a whole. He lives in a place where his talent and not his Jermaine Dupri cookie-cutter existence is the sole reason anybody knows him at all.

You see, in the le monde de Bow Wow, he is actually a motherfucking monster rapper who’s skills are better than anybody else. Nevermind the fact that T.I. is a well known ghost-writer for him or that his ENTIRE swagger and mannerisms are completely T.I.-esque at this point which means that they are Jay inspired. He even mentions on that last video how he’s sold out Madison Square Garden’s twice and even Jay hasn’t done that. Though, that’s largely because Jay’s only done one show there, but that’s just splitting hairs now isn’t it.

Further, the fact that Jay did it once with actual grown people and not a screaming gaggle of 12-year old court cases kind of speaks volumes about Bow Wow’s actual relevance. I mean, if Bow Wow doesn’t release material, he has no fans. Jay can stop releasing material and will still have fans. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who’s said to me:

Panama, do you know who’s underrated? Bow Wow. He doesn’t get the shine he deserves. It’s been said about Omarion (though it was probably said by me, but that’s neither here nor there). In short (heh heh heh–pun intended), Bow Wow has lost his gotdamn mind.

Word to his handlers, let the imp know that he is not important. If 99 percent of LL’s fans wear high-heels, then 99 percent of Bow Wow’s fans wear training bras.

Hmm, Chris Brown has older fans than Bow Wow does. Could be because he’s taller. Me no know.

And lastly, I’d like to send a “Wow, you’re fucked” to the exec’s at Nickelodeon. It’s been reported that Jamie Lynne Spears, the younger sister of Britney Spears is pregnant. She’s the star of “Zoey 101″, a popular show on the children’s network (though grown ass people like me actually do watch Nickelodeon). Hmm, chicks get pregnant all the time.

She’s 16.

Well, Nicelodeon, how exactly to you spin yourself out of a situation where your shows push teenage innocence and mischief and one of young-as-the-fuck teenage stars is not only OBVIOUSLY fucking but has gone and got knocked the fuck up. There is no positive way to spin that. Something told me that they needed to keep that girl from her looney sister but man, she’s a 16-year-old teen star who has been knocked up by a 19-year-old.

Ruh-roh. Not sure how shit runs in Louisiana, but it seems like that’s one of those statutory rape charges that got young Genarlow Wilson sent up shit’s creek. And you know what, there is very little difference here aside from the fact that one happened in Louisiana and the other is in Georgia and different states do different shit.

Genarlow was on tape and this fellow’s evidence is in his girlfriend’s belly. And um, no pun intended there at all. Though that is a sort of double entendre thing but I’ll let the pervs run with that one.

Either way, I blame her mother for not making her understand the levity of getting pregant young. Her career? Ruined. You can’t get a job on a wholesome network or anything anymore because of this. Teenage pregnancy is not something to aspire too. And Nickelodeon is all about aspirations. Those shows all have some kind of message in them about being all you can be–and not in the army sense either.

So yes, Nicelodeon, you’re fucked. Welcome to Blackness.

Sounds like a book title doesn’ it?

2008 — the year to be.

So word to the wise — if you have any inkling of acting a damn fool between now and January 1st, just resist the temptation and wait until the next week.

It’s a much better look.

Goodnight and goodluck.

Ten points and a pack of Red Kool-Aid to anybody who can tell me where the title of this post came from!

The points can be redeemed at my new store, Black History Relics where this month’s featured gem is the other half of Kunte Kinte’s severed foot. It’s a big seller for us. If you do indeed get Kunte’s Missing Toes, we’ll also throw in the original manuscript that Alex Haley plagiarized in order to write Roots.

Good movie though. A little long, but definitely a good movie.

Christmas Day is upon us and much like everybody else, I’m scrambling like O.J. Simpson in a courtroom to determine the best gifts to bestow upon my family, friends, and loved ones–which can sometimes be family or friends, but is not always family or friends.

For instance, I love Mandy Moore, Lauren London, Christina Milian, Paula Patton, Beyoncé, Halle Berry…well you get the point and I don’t know any of them (we know one another spiritually but some of y’all claim to know God spiritually and we know that’s just not true, so let’s just pretend I didn’t just type those last, umm 31 words.). I like pretty, shiny women. Not to be confused with R.E.M. who like shiny, happy people. It’s a small but significant difference.

Anyway, as my service to mankind, I figure that I could provide some insight into the kinds of gifts that you could give to your giftees. Do you realize that he word giftee actually appears in law-language? I have always wondered why legal language was intentionally so verbose and indecipherably difficult to wade through. Then I realized the answer.

It’s because Wu-Tang loves the kids.

You know what? Remix. I’m going to tell you what kind of gifts I’d give our favorite celebrities. Yes, that’s what I’m going to do. Allons-y. Translate it bitch.

That’s so a t-shirt.

Lil’ Wayne - Some common sense and a blow up doll

Perhaps I’m the only one reading all of his interviews but he’s said some pretty uberfucking stupid shit lately. In fact, just recently, igmo said that he’s so real he’d kill a newborn baby if somebody basically wanted that beef with him. In a national publication. Word. Life. Lil Weezy needs a mentor people. Also, I’d get him the blow up doll so that he could stop kissing Baby. Please say the Baby.

50 Cent - A Bible

Mostly because I just feel like he needs Jesus but more specifically because he does live in a house that is the size of a small hotel. And all hotels have Bibles in them. Ruh-roh. I smell a story coming on.

So a few weeks back I was in Trenton, New Jersey, staying in a Marriott. Well, apparently Marriott’s have both the Bible and the Book of Mormon in their hotels. On the cover of the Book of Mormon it stated “Another Testament of something or other”. Inside the Book of Mormon, somebody had left a note that said, “There is no OTHER testament. Put this down and open the real Bible, bitch or may god bring down the wrath of the judge who sentenced Vick to 23 months in jail and a partridge in a pear tree.” Okay, about 75 percent of that was untrue, but they did leave a note in there that said Wu-Tang is for the children.

“…believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear, even if it’s spat by me, and with that said, I will kill niggas dead…” ~ Jay-Z “Ignorant Shit”

And speaking of…

Michael Vick - toothbrush, soap, doo-rag, DVD box set of Oz

Hmm….too easy drill sargeant, too easy.

Ashanti - slightly bigger drawz

Have you all seen the picture floating around the net of Ashanti’s special place? Apparently at a show she did some time ago, somebody took a picture at the most (in)opportune moment and got a crotch-shot of Ashanti’s box-o’-fun.

So, ummm, how many people are about to google that right now? It’s okay. You can be honest.

Lupe Fiasco - better beat selection(s) and better clothes

For the record, I do not like Lupe Fiasco. At all. He just doesn’t appeal to me at all. I’ve liked a total of about 2 of his songs and even then it was moreso because I was beat over the head with them. Somehow, Lupe was the posterboy for what was right with the rap until the great Lupe Fiasco of 2007 at the vh1 Hip-Honors joint. Anyway, Lupe is a damn good lyricist. I’m listening to his new album The Cool (in stores 12/18) as I type this and his beats just ain’t good. And when I say, ain’t good, I mean, ain’t good. He’s like Nas at this shit. Except at least Nas has Illmatic to fall back upon. Food & Liquor? Eh, not so much that hot shit. Oh yes, and I’d like to ask that Kanye West stop dressing Lupe Fiasco as he’s starting to look like a total funboy.

Kanye West - a hug

I have nothing to say here except that brother went from having the best. year. ever. to having the worst. year. ever. Heaven, he needs a hug way more than R. Kelly. R. Kelly doesn’t even deserve it. Hmm…

R. Kelly - a swift kick in the ass

Just because.

Paris Hilton - hmmm…

She’s been remarkably quiet over the past few months. Must be making more movies! Glory day.

On the other hand, this heffa -

Britney Spears - A Bible

Because she really does seem to need Jesus. Maybe 50 can loan her one of his.

Bow Wow & Omarion - ice cream for Bow Wow and an ultraperm for O

So apparently Bow Wow has appedicitis. Godspeed young pup. May you have a speedy recovery and return to the rash of screaming young 12-year olds upon which your career was built. Omarion, my mellow my man, you’re hair looks gay. And it looks a hot mess. And that’s a problem because most gay shit is not a hot mess. It is just gay. Which leads to some strange choices at times but those strange choices are often endorsed by Paris which is, ya know, gay, so who am I to really argue with fashion. Your hair? I argue with. Stop it.

Panama Jackson - new Outkast album

I really want one of those. And it’s looking like a reality. RIGHT after Big Boi and Dré release solo albums. Again. I don’t know about you but if André 3000 releases a rap album, the game might get officially shut down. He’s been on such a tear lately with his verses that he’s gotten to the point where you just HAVE to listen to what he will say.

André 3000 > Souljaboy Tell’Em

Oh my fault, GRAMMY nominated Souljaboy Tell’Em

My guitar gently weeps.

Wu-Tang Clan - hugs all around

Just because these niggas, and mostly just Raekwon (of one good album fame) and Ghostface Killah (of LOTS of good albums fame) are just acting like some bitches. And really, it’s just mostly Raekwon. He’s gone bitch on us. I guess that’s what happens when you can’t quite get your album released.

This makes me think of something though. These niggas heard the songs that RZA was producing for their new album 8 Diagrams. If they didn’t like them, why in the fuck did they rap on them. And not only rap on them, but rap like their lives depended on it? If you no likey, no rappy. You look even more bitchmade for not only complaining about the album, but for the fact that you totally showed up 100 percent on some shit you didn’t agree with in the first place.

So…

Raekwon - a set of nards

Heh heh heh.

I mean, ho ho ho.

Speaking of ho ho ho’s…

Superhead - some damn humility

How you gonna do my boy Eddie Winslow like that?! How you gonna let him fake wife you up when you know what kind of ho you is!

And yes I know it’s his fault, but I couldn’t say ho ho ho’s and NOT put Superhead there.

Obama - Jesus

Bro’s before hoes my man.

And on a side note, be on the lookout for a new album my girlfriend and I are putting together called Beautiful Love and Bitches. It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t go that go-go swing.

Shu-bop shu-bop shu-bop shu-bop.

Goodnight and goodluck.

Merry Christmas bitches.

It’s no secret that race relations in this nation are nowhere near perfect. There are still various semblances of Jim Crow era law enforcement present as evidenced by the Jena 6 cases and the few and far between indictments of police officers killing Black men left and right.

Not to mention the still very real imbalances across the board in terms of just sheer equality. Without a real leader to help push the envelope, I fear that these systemic problems will linger forever. Ambulance-chaser Jesse Jackson and A Pimp Named Straighback (Al) just don’t resonate with the people. For one, they might be less proactive than the KKK in actually starting the conversations geared towards racial balance. Best believe though, if a nigga stubs his toe and a white man’s around???

They got your back.

For two, it’s just really hard to take a motherfucker serious when he has a perm. Sure, we should look past the surface and see what’s on the inside, but hell, you can’t see what’s on the inside because we’re too damn distracted by his follicle folly. You wouldn’t trust Snoop to lead the racial revolution in this nation but at least he has entertainment to fall back on as his reason -do-perm.

Al…not so much. And Al, James Brown is dead. You can get a haircut now.

Seriously, does your pastor have a perm? I remember driving thru southwest Atlanta a few months ago and seeing a billboard of a pastor with a perm. At that point, I realized I could never go to his church. If you ever want me to listen to you, don’t get a perm if you got a set of balls.

Anyway, this morning, it came to me like a song I wrote. I realized the one person who could lead our nation out of the shrouded shadowy past of which we cannot transcend; the individual who could exact such reason and common sense on the masses that we couldn’t help but to listen. He doesn’t have a perm (though he might have had one at on point). Black and white people love him.

I’m speaking of…

…Justin Timberlake (with an assist from Timbaland).

Okay, I see you all looking at me like I’m crazy. But follow me.

Who doesn’t like Justin Timberlake? I mean really. He managed to not only successfully move on past being in a fruity-cum-fruity boy band (albeit the most successful one) but he did so AND gained a gazillion Black fans in the process.

He’s also banging Jessica Biel which gets him so many points. She’s hot.

Justin has worked with Beyonce (which totally elevated the song “Until The End of Time” to magnanimous heights), Three 6 Mafia, the Clipse, 50 Cent and has slept with Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears, Jessica Biel, and numerous other white chicks.

Do you see what this means? It means that even the most gangsta of knuccas will listen to him and all the white girls will too. That’s who we need in order to bring about racial harmony. Kumbaya isn’t but a dream anymore kiddies. It’s a possibility.

Even Black women love him, though they all think he’s gay. But hell, that helps too. Anybody that will listen. And despite the fallout from Nipplegate, he totally got to touch Janet Jackson’s nipple.

How many people can say they got to do that?

Aside from El Debarge and JD probably not that many people. Granted, I don’t exactly want to touch it now as it’s aged quite a bit, but it’s still Janet Jackson’s ta-ta. That speaks to something.

Justin Timberlake makes songs for all people. He speaks for everybody and makes sure to provide us with what we need in the process. He brought sexy back despite me never letting it go in the first place, but he did it with flair so I gave him a pass. And be real, most of us thought “Sexyback” was an asstastic mess when it dropped, but still, we loved it because it was Justin.

If Justin can bring all the white girls to the table, the white men will follow eventually. Where there’s pussy, there is desire for pussy. The gangsta dudes will make all the wannabe gangsta knuccas (namely the rest of us) want to come to the table of equity. Justin could then broker a deal that would result in racial harmony for one…for all.

If JT keeps singing his little heart away and Timbaland continues to guide his heart with help from Danja Handz, then nothing but good can come for mankind.

If Justin decided tomorrow that he wanted racial harmony, then by George, it would be. That’s the power of the curly haired chap from Memphis. He reaches us all.

Let us all reach back.

I was reading an article on vh1 a few weeks back regarding T.I. and his whole army-guns problem and in this article Wyclef Jean made a statement akin to this:

“The way people listen and respond to T.I. when he talks is like Malcolm X…”

Yeah. Okay.

I’d like to call on a moratorium in the Black community on anybody saying that anybody is like Malcolm X. Funny how nobody ever claims somebody is like Martin. The only person to do that said that he, himself, was like Martin. And that was Benzino.

Yeah, that Benzino.

But you know what? I’m bored. What the hell, let’s run with T.I. being like Malcolm. Let’s see if we can figure out ways they are a alike, k?

Let’s see. Ah, Malcolm X went to jail. So did T.I. Malcolm X became an orator and person of immense influence and respect. Well, T.I. has kind of got that. I mean he ain’t speaking nothing that’s going to get him on the government radar…

…unless you count the taped conversations being used against him in his whole “I’ve got guns to take out North Korea” small problem.

Oh…both of them managed to wake up in the morning. Well, until Malcolms untimely death in 1965. Yeah, I’m kind of reaching with that one but then again so was Wyclef by even making any kind of reference to Malcolm X in regards to T.I. Look, T.I. doesn’t move mountains or make me want to do anything more than listen to his music. Even after his last ass-sandwich of an album, I’ll still listen. Though at this point I’m not sure why.

Of course, by the time T.I. gets out of jail, he’ll be too old to matter anymore. Though Jay has managed to still be relevant despite being 37 years of age.

LL Cool J? Not so much. Even his high-heeled fans don’t care about him anymore.

In my humble opinion, the last real rapper of any significance to mirror Malcolm was Ice Cube. And that shit went clean out the window by the time Lethal Injection came around. AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted and Death Certificate Cube? Hell yeah. Even I was afraid of Ice Cube back then. He really seemed like the angriest nigga alive and more dangerously, the most awake nigga alive too. Shit, I wanted to be Ice Cube like so many folks want to be Malcolm X.

Except nobody is Malcolm. ESPECIALLY not no dumb nigga like T.I. And yes, hoarding guns is DUMB when there’s a chance you can go to jail for it. Further, why the fuck do you have military assault weaponry? I mean, being an ATLien, and similarly a Westsider, I understand how folks get down on our side of town. But damn, a .45 will do just as well. Got damn Calicos and rocket launchers are just unnecessary.

I mean really. Where the hell do you put shit like that anyway? Hammer pants are out of style so you can’t hid the Calico in those. Maybe some gauchos. Yeah, I can see that.

These loose ass analogies we make to legends in the Black community are just terrible. Further, they’re like one man deep. When was the last time you heard a nigga get referenced to W.E.B. Du Bois? Shit, when was the last time you met somebody who didn’t go to college who knew who he was? Or A. Phillip Randolph.

Niggas know Project Pat though. Damn shame, too. Though I don’t like reading The Souls of Black Folks either. Makes for a hell of an album title though, dontchathink?

As you can tell, I really had no purpose other than to say: Wyclef must have lost his rabid ass mind thinking that motherfucking T.I. even compares to Malcolm X aside from the fact that both of them niggas are ya know, Black.

And also, sadatay.

Thank you and good night.

And the church said…

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! JAMES!!!!!!!!!

T.I.

What. The. Fuck?

Look, I don’t care if the hip-hop police are out there or not trappin’ niggas left and right trying to take a brotha down. As a convicted felon, you need to be smarter than that shit, right?

For those that don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what’s going on in rap music, everybody’s favorite trapper, T.I. got busted on Saturday after his bodyguard-turned-informant basically handed his ass over to ATF on a count of buying .9mm automatic machine guns and silencers.

Feel free to go to CNN.com. It’s front page news. On CNN.

And then can go to vh1.com to read an entire account of what happened.

What are silencers? Glad you asked. According to taped conversations, T.I. provies the answer. You see when you fire a gun, sometimes it makes a loud noise and there is a flash of fire. So, T.I….what is a silencer?

“No flash, no bang.”

I’m SO getting that put on a T-shirt the same day I get my t-shirt that says, “I got good credit”.

Free T.I.

Those are the NEXT hood shirts coming to a ghetto near you.

And he had guns in the house…in a safe…in his bedroom. Loaded automatic weapons. And he’s a convicted felon. As my homegirl Liz just stated, “T.I. is the posterboy for when keeping it real goes wrong.” And boy is that shit ever true. I honestly don’t understand this situation at all. Whether or not he was being targeted is unimportant. And do you know why? I’ll tell you why…

…he’s supposed to ASSUME he is. I guess Tip forgot to reiterate to T.I. the rules of the game.

Rule #1: If you are a convicted motherfucking felon…HIDE YOUR SHIT.

And according to the 10 Crack Commandments courtesy of the Notorious B.I.G.:

Rule #3: Never trust nobody, your mom’s’ll set that ass up properly gassed up.

His bodyguard sent him up shit’s creek. That nigga flipped like the little Chinaman in Ocean’s 11, 12, and 13.

You know, I feel bad for T.I. (kind of). You’d think the nigga had his shit together or was at least well on his way to getting all of his shit together. But the fact that he had numerous automatic weapons and was out buying more just reeks of a dude who can’t let shit go. Michael Vick just got fucked the fuck up behind his niggas snitching on him and now T.I. is going down behind something like this.

First, Prodigy of Mobb Deep gets 3 and a half years in the bing. And now T.I. is well on his way to the jail house in the Feds. Not Fulton County. Federal pen. Sure when he comes out he’ll have even MORE credibility but short of his lawyers being able to pull off the entrapment defense, he might be gone for a dime or more. And by the time he gets out nobody will care anymore.

I hope this shit works out for him in the end mostly because we don’t need anymore Black men in jail, but got damn, when niggas do dumb shit, we really go the extra mile.

If we could only show that kind of dedication in education…

Free T.I.

And I’m not talking about his debut album’s sales totals either. Besides that was like 2006 or some shit.

As of now, most people are aware of Lupe Fiasco’s flub at the vh1 Hip Hop Honors tribute to A Tribe Called Quest (ATCQ) on Monday night. He fucked up the words to “Electric Relaxation”, one of Tribe’s landmark and most famous songs. The song comes from Tribe’s album Midnight Marauders, which is one of my favorite hip-hop albums ever. I wrote about it a long time ago but I’m too lazy to link to the post. Sue me.

(Incidentally Lupe plans on suing Vibe magazine for defamation of character for their flub of semi-fanning the flames by using a little bit of time-line trickery by printing an interview with Lupe done before the Hip-Honors show that seems way fucked up when read AFTER the Hip-Hop Honors show.)

Courtesy of vh1, here’s a link to the all of the events that have occured under Fiascogate. (Click the link)

My opinion on this whole affair is kind of two fold. Lupe fucked up some lines to a rap song, big fucking deal. I think the part that’s fucked up is his approach to discussing why he fucked up. For one, he probably shouldn’t have engaged anybody in this debate but he did and came off like a dick. Luckily, I wasn’t a fan of his anyway but whereas his previous lack of interest in ATCQ and their catalog was kind of a non-starter his now stubborn stance on his intention to never listen to it in its entirety or even care that it is a landmark album is kind off-putting. Phonte from Little Brother (whose response I largely agree with) got one thing right; Lupe is definitely benefitting from being placed in the same vein as folks like ATCQ.

Interestingly enough, I wouldn’t put him there myself. Sure, he’s a “positive” rapper–a term I loathe, by the way–but I’ve never felt he was Tribe-esque. He was just not 50 Cent or Young Jeezy in the way that ATCQ and De La Soul and the whole Native Tongues weren’t NWA or Spice 1 or Ice T or King Tee for that matter. Granted, on The Low End Theory, Tribe did take on some social commentary and subject matter, but on Midnight Marauders, not so much. So it’s kind of a what-you-are-because-of-what-you’re-not kind of deal in my mind.

But Lupe’s become the guy-du-jour. For fuck’s sake, he was one of GQ’s men of the year or some shit, and for no good reason mind you. His album (executive produced by Jay-Z) was alright but it didn’t change anything. More people were talking about Lupe because of his deviation than for his artistry. Which is more a sad testament to us than it is to the greatness that is Lupe. He’s so different and he wears colorful clothes and tight-pants and likes cartoons. He’s a hip-hop nerd. Truthfully, if Pharrell hadn’t saddled up to him so that they could be hip-hop nerds together, my guess is that there’d be some uber-gay pocket-protector Trapper Keeper beatdowns between them (musically of course) with Kanye officiating in a pink Polo and Cole Haan loafers.

And at least Pharrell doesn’t claim to be a skateboarder like Lupe does…and he isn’t.

One of Lupe’s defenses during this whole “scandal” (if we must put a term on it) is that he didn’t grow up on ATCQ but on Spice 1, NWA, and Eightball and MJG. Hmm, me too. NWA is my favorite group of all time and similarly, De La Soul’s album, de la soul is dead is my favorite album of all time. But I listened to all that same shit Lupe was listening to so I have to wonder how the fuck he glossed over Tribe. Granted, I wasn’t the biggest Tribe fan until later. But when I did start paying attention I was stuck. Midnight Marauders is one of those albums I can take with me anywhere and will buy the second I think I lost it. Who cares if I find it later, I lost it then. And I have to have that album. It’s part of me.

It’s also one of the albums that makes its way everywhere and everybody knows and respects. Nobody says that it isn’t worth listening to. So why not pick it up Lupe? At this point, he ain’t listening to make a point. Which is a stupid point. In the Kay Slay interview, when Mr. Drama King himself asked him if he had listened to it or if he planned on it, Lupe responded with, “no, I haven’t listened to it yet. I’ve been busy with my album.”

That’s the second stupidest shit I might have ever heard in my life. The first?

Any of George Bush’s speeches from 2001-?

Anybody who knows about the music making process knows that you listen to all types of shit when making music. It’s called inspiration. Also, the fuckin’ album doesn’t even clock in at longer than an hour. The nigga’s from Chicago. He could pop it in while he’s sitting in traffic and finish it by the time he got to a Harold’s from O’Hare.

There’s another thing that gets lost on me in regards to this whole debacle and that hasn’t been mentioned.

He had to get lyrics to TWO songs in a tribute. “Electric Relaxation” and “Scenario”. And he didn’t have to do Busta’s part since Busta did his own part on “Scenario”. I’m a Tribe fan, but they weren’t exactly kicking physics or being overly complicated with rhyme patterns or anything. A sampling:

“by the way my name’s Malik, the 5 foot freak//let’s say we get together by the end of th week” ~ Phife Dawg, “Electric Relaxation”

Hell, you can take two hours and memorize a good four songs on that album since the verses ain’t exactly difficult. Do niggas mess up lyrics? Sure, I was at an Outkast show in Atlanta where Andre 3000 fucked up his own verse. Hell did you see Kanye fuck up his verse on “Everything I Am” on Saturday Night Live? It happens.

However, all he had to do was memorize a damn verse and spend time reciting it for a TRIBUTE. All he had to do was focus on that shit because it’s a tribute. ONE verse. Kanye fucking up is kind of endearing. Hell, he’s human and he shows us all the time through his arrogance, pride, and passion. But this was a tribute show to ATCQ. The least you could do was not fuck that up. In fact, the only difficult part of “Electric Relaxation” is the damn part in the hook where the voiceover says “Relax Yourself and some shit that even 15+ years later I have no clue what’s being said”.

Lupe fucked up. He shouldn’t have and he could have nailed it but he didn’t. However, his uberfucking studity in the way he’s handled it is what made it a problem.

“I’m not backpack rap,” says Lupe. Okay, nigga. Whether you are or not, ATCQ and specifically Midnight Maruaders is just one of those groups that everybody who’s really into the art behind hip-hop know. How can you not? It’s arrogant to so adamantly deny yourself an album because “that ain’t you”.

Who cares what you grew up on? Who says you can’t expand your horizons? Most of us interested in music do at some point. Tribe isn’t obscure and they had 3 platinum albums in pre-Master P/Puffy dominated rap world. And how the fuck are you going to be so big-up in respecting Tip and his musical legacy if you don’t actually know what the fuck it is that everybody seems to respect so much?

In short, Lupe’s an idiot.

Thank you and goodnight.

PS - Who in the Blue Fuck thought Missy deserved to be honored?

I saw Beyonce in concert last Thursday at her Washington, DC, show at the Verizon Center.

Admittedly, I wasn’t excited about going. For whatever reason, seeing Beyonce live just wasn’t high on my list of goals in life. For one, I’m starting to hate crowds. For two, I’m starting to get really tired of hood-rats.

Beyonce concert? Crowds filled with hood-rats. But I said I’d go so I was going, going, gone.

But I ended up really excited to see Beyonce…and do you want to know why? Of course you want to know why.

It turns out that they actually sell ALOCHOL at the Verizon Center. They had a little liquor stand all next to the entrance to my section. For $7, I was drinking Rum & Cokes. And man was I like a fish in water after that. It changed my whole perspective. All of a sudden the crowds and hood-rats weren’t so important anymore.

And do you know why they weren’t important anymore?

Because I didn’t have to actually REMEMBER them if I didn’t want to. That’s the joy of intoxication; it removes all unpleasant memories (and pleasant ones too, but that’s just splitting hairs, now isn’t it?).

Opening acts were Katy Shotter and Robin Thicke. I do not like Robin Thicke. I abhorred “Lost Without You”. Let me tell you how much I can’t stand “Lost Without You”. Paula Patton, a woman who I think is just uber-smurfing gorgeous, isn’t fine enough to make me watch that video and listen to that gawdawful song.

And Katy Shotter is another white chick from England with who sounds like she has mad soul. She’s Joss Stone’s kissing-cousin or something.

Both were alright but since I don’t like (or care for) either one of them, the best I can do is give them a Almost Around The World Stopping In Malaysia and Back Snap. Not two snaps here, paco.

Beyonce on the other hand is ridiculously good-got-damn-great. I won’t go through the entire show because frankly, I don’t remember all of it. I do know she looked a little thicker than I originally thought which is just great. Like Tony the Tiger great.

Interestingly, while I was watching Beyonce perform (and not fall down the stairs, and you can bet your ass people were watching and WAITING for her to fall), I started to think about her place in society and history, for that matter. I think that when its all said and done, Beyonce is going to go down as the “it” girl for a good decade or two. She’s clearly on top of the game right now. She genuinely makes hits and music she wants to make but I’m almost 100 percent sure that if she wanted to make a bunch of pseudo-serious songs she could and turn in an album that could possibly change R&B, a la Usher’s Confessions.

Panama’s Confession: I don’t have one.

She has style and grace and she’s learned to talk way gooder than she used too. I actually have always liked the way she talked. It was charming in its own way. Sure you never really thought she had anything going on upstairs but hell, I know lots of dumb broke people, it’s nice to have dumb rich people to set your aspirations too. Between her and President Bush, they made you feel like the world was your oyster and isn’t that the real American dream?

But now she can speak and actually has interesting interviews. She’s intriguing.

Her acting could stand to improve a little but hell, she can’t be perfect at everthing. She’s already fine as all hell, can sing better than damn near everybody, except for Andre 3000. He’s totally the best singer ever.

Singing rappers is so hip-hop.

I wonder how it feels to be on top of the world like some of our favorite entertainers. How do you live when everybody wants to either be you or be like you. As I was watching over the damn near packed house at Verizon, I couldn’t help but think about how many of these young (and hell, old) women wanted to Beyonce. And who wouldn’t (except me)? The world is Beyonce’s right now and I’m guessing it will remain hers for a long time.

Of course, I still love Kelly and can’t really stand Michelle. I’m STILL upset at Michelle for fucking up the song “Is She The Reason?” from Destiny Fulfilled. Man she sounded like pure shit on that song. And I couldn’t care less that she makes great gospel music.

As you can see, there wasn’t much depth here. I blame Lil Wayne. He’s been cracking me up lately with his mixtapes and shit. That fellow right there, has managed to make a fan out of me.

“…Chevy grill looking like a set of new braces…”

Not sure why that line cracks me up so much.

Beyonce = “It” Girl

Hate it or love it, she isn’t going anywhere and the world is a better place for it.

…

Well not really, but she DID make “Bootylicious” and for my money, that puts her up there with Martin and Malcolm.

Thank you for upgrading us, B.

It’s time for another observation that has me totally baffled. Yet, I almost think I get this one…

I party a lot these days. Not so much because I like going out all of the time. Nope. It’s because I’m forced to be a participator about 5 days a week with a current part-time full-time venture I’m apart of. You see, Panama Muhf****n’ is a manager of a nightclub in Washington, DC. At night - I still have the day job as well.

Sleep be damned.

Amongst my observations and basically uber-noshit observations is that anytime you want to get a party going with a bunch of 25-and-up’s, your best bet is to throw on BBD’s “Poison”. Well, that amongst other songs but “Poison” just has an amazing effect on the crowd.

Hands go up. Ass’s prepare to shake. And old school dances come from that inner place inside most of us where we stuff our Hammerpants and adoration of Michael Jackson: The Before-I-Lost-My-Damn-Mind Years. The cross-leg-kick-step dance comes out and the folks with the real skills process to the middle of the floor while everybody watches the old-school showdowns. It’s like stripping with clothes on and less niggas making it rain (on them hoes).

It’s a lot of fun and I’m sure most people are a witness.

Hallelujah!

It is, in effect, a club-banger; one of those tracks that the DJ holds on to because you don’t want to break it out too early before the party really gets going. It’s the track that can shift your party into the next gear. Of course, it has to be followed up by something equally jarring, like…what is the perfect follow up song to “Poison”. In all of my years of club-going, I wonder if I’ve ever stopped to smell the hummus and ponder on the fact that any sequence of songs was just perfect.

Well, recently I’ve gone out to a few white clubs. I have some friends in town for the summer who are less than Negroid. Of course the music is different though there are definite similarities. It’s like listening to the pop station versus the urban station. Except there’s one glaring difference.

Hmm…stop. I don’t know if it’s just me but my senses get on high alert when certain songs with the word “nigga” in them come on in white clubs. I can’t help but watch as people mimic the lyrics, including the word “nigga”. Got damn strength in numbers. Of course, it’s a white club for a reason. Only a few Black folks are ever usually there, scoping the white chicks.

I’ve seent it with my own two eyes.

Well, do you realize that white clubs actually play and use Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” much in the same way that urban clubs use “Poison”? Mind you, I’m talking about college bars and clubs like that where there’s no dress code and lots of people wear Abercrombie & Fitch.

I almost spit my drink out the first time I heard “Ice Ice Baby” and was in utter amazement that it was being played and that people were losing their minds. I must have said something a good 10 times to my friends like…”white people actually LIKE this?”

Of course, I also realize that white people don’t take (in general) club music as serious as some of us Black folks do. I can’t even imagine a DJ throwing some Vanilla Ice in the mix at an urban establishment. Niggas would literally stop moving and all stare at the DJ while he went into, “I’m just joking people…” and go into something way more appropos.

You know, I was almost offended that everybody was okay with “Ice Ice Baby” then I realized that before I really cared about rap, I probably loved that song like everybody else when it came out and helped to make Vanilla Ice the multi-millionaire that he is today.

Do you all realize that Vanilla Ice claimed to have been dangled over a balcony over royalties from the song “Ice Ice Baby” by Suge Knight and then claimed that it was a lie.

My guess is that he probably got dangled over a balcony after the original claim causing him to say it never happened.

Funny how life happens sometimes, isn’t it?

Anyway…this was just another boring observation that I’ve made lately. Still stepping my blogging game up again…

Plus, I drink Kool-Aid with my family.

It was written.

Thank you and good night.

Today’s post is sponsored by Allhiphop and it’s famous and unfuckwitable rumors section.

*applause*

Allhiphop is the first website I check everyday after I turn my computer on. Before I get to my personal email or even my work email. Some things are just more important than communicating with people you’d rather not actually speak to. I always read the latest on which rapper got arrested or shot (sometimes both) or what other strange goings on are permeating the rap community and then it’s straight to the rumors section because there is ALWAYS something interesting. And yes, they are rumors, but let’s just do what everybody else in America does, ignore the facts and just pretend its all true.

With that in mind, we are going to analyze the rumors section of Allhiphop.com today. Allons-y.

Rumors in italics.

JD AND JANET ON THE ROCKS?

This is getting to be a lil’ tired - you know, people anticipating the death of a couple’s relationship. Here were are…talking about it. There’s some talk that Janet now has nobody to look out for her interests at Virgin now that JD has quit his high-post position over there. He quit, because he was riding for her ��� corporate protest. You know, he produced 20 Y.O. and sales were under-whelming. So, now Janet is reportedly talking with her old producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to get her on track? I don’t know, but that���s the word! Anyway, the chasm widens, according to rumors, but I think they will be OK. They have stuck by each other through thick and thin - literally! Anyway, they were at the Billboard Awards together looking happy!

Hmm…in the event that the two of them are actually on the rocks, I’d like to refer to a quote I like to read from time to time:

“…sometimes the business end of this shit can turn your friends against you…” ~ Dr. Dre “What’s The Difference” 2001

Nothing ruins a relationship like finances and fucking with one’s career. Cheating…eh…folks get over that. But you mess with their money? Crikey. Thing is, Janet’s album 20 Y.O. was not just a commercial flop, it completely sucked. I listened to it. I know asstastic music when I hear it. Janet Jackson, meet your destiny. She tried to let JD do it, and truth be told, that’s her fault, but I’m sure he convinced her that if he could save Mariah Carey then one nipple couldn’t stop him from saving Janet’s career too. Um…no. Thing is, weren’t Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis on this album too?? I know Janet is an entertainer, but the people have spoken…we want Bush out, Democrats in and nobody really gives a shit about Janet anymore. We’ll all just listen to Rhythm Nation or Janet and be done with it. Buh-bye.

Though you have to wonder, had Janet released an album right after Nipplegate, do you think it would have sold well? Is she the only artist that controversy doesn’t help?

MORE DIVORCE ON THE HORIZON?

Y’all know, I believe in the power of love, even if I don’t feel the love from people these days. At any rate, I don’t want to see Madonna go through a divorce, but rumor has it her marriage with Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. Word has it, the pair have done the necessary work and gotten a counselor to mend the rift. Apparently, Madonna’s very public and controversial adoption of an African baby boy has caused some tension in the house. Now, it���s not the boy, but rather how Madonna acts around him as the rumored source of beef. I wish them the best, especially for their other two kids.

Yeah, so I kind of don’t care. Then again, you just have to wonder about all of these celebrities picking off little African babies. Hell, there are plenty of needy little Black babies in America if there thing is babies of color. I’m not completely sure how I feel about this yet, but something ain’t right.

50 CENT & G-UNIT DROPPED?!?!

As you may or may not know, there’s a crazy rumor running around that 50 Cent, Eminem, G-Unit and even Shady Records were all getting the ax by Jimmy Iovine! Now, I admit I heard some things and even heard some of the names of the artists, but this rumor was getting crazy. Anyway, I heard it���s not true and that 50 Cent and the crew aren’t going anywhere just yet. They can’t ’til I get my MOP album. But, other cuts might be coming… its not hardly safe ��� TRUST! With a double album coming out, is it possible that 50 Cent is planning to defect? Just a question.

Is the 50 Dynasty crumbling? This rumor has already been confirmed as false by an Interscope executive but let’s think on this. Clearly, 50’s acts aren’t exactly top shelf anymore. Perhaps its oversaturation or perhaps people have finally realized that short of 50 and Young Buck, every G-Unit album has, for lack of a better term, sucked. People who like G-Unit albums tell me they like LOX albums…and they suck too. Now let’s be clear, 50 Cent ain’t getting dropped. That’s in nobody’s best interest at Interscope. And the inability to drop 50 means you can’t drop his G-Unit roster…but he managed to make Mobb Deep irrelevant. Which, as we all know, is a feat unto itself. It ain’t like anybody was really checking for a new Mobb Deep album anyway but you’d think the added firepower of 50 would help. Not so much. And I’d like to put out an APB on M.O.P. Them niggas just can’t catch a break I swear.

FREE M.O.P.

That’s my new cause in life. Right after I jump back onto the “Reincarcerate Yayo” bandwagon that some genius started a few years ago. That person is my hero.

But how fuckin’ amazing would it be to see 50 Cent’s entire empire crumble. Don’t they already sell G-Unit shit damn near exclusively at Marshall’s and TJ Maxx…which ain’t a knock. But I just bought a suit, 10 shirts, 20 ties, and a partridge and a pear tree from there for 19.99. Granted, it was Kenneth Kohl but still.

BE A FATHER - IF NOT WHY BOTHER?

Remember Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice. They were going on vacations together and their kids were playing together. Now, rumor has it, the Spice girl is pregnant and Eddie did a ghost move. According to tmz, this dude is questioning the paternity of the lil’ bun in the oven! When an interviewer asked if he was happy with Mel B, he said, “You’re being presumptuous, because we’re not together anymore. And I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” That’s word to Ed OG.

“He’s a NIIIIIIIIIGGER…HE’S A NIGGGGGGGGGGER”

What?

LIL��� WAYNE MAD?

He also reportedly dissed The Clipse and Pharrell too. I wonder if he’ll take it back on the radio.

Has Lil Wayne lost his fuckin’ mind? So let me get this right. You’re going to get pissed off at the nigga who’s style you straight SWAGGER JACKED??? Isn’t that a violation of Rappin’ 101?? How can you claim to be better than the nigga you owe your entire livelihood to? Especially when you’re kind of not better. This brings up another point too…

…the fuck is this? Dis-That-Nigga Jay Month? Good got damn. Raekwon, LL Cool J, Lil Wayne, Jim Jones (though I am enjoying that one…I’d like them to keep that one up), and POTENTIALLY even Bow Wow? Come the fuck on. I know LL Cool J got beef since he feels like Jay ain’t getting behind his projects…then again, I wonder if LL has even heard his own shit. His albums are fuckin’ horrible nowadays. Promotion wouldn’t save those. If LL didn’t look like he does women wouldn’t buy his albums (which apparently has stopped happening).

LL Cool J…you suck now. Give it up. Plus, you’re too easy a target for Jay. Hell, he wouldn’t even have to do a song, he could just do a press conference and show up with your last, like 5 albums, put them on display, throw up his hands and he’d be declared the victor. People think Kingdom Come is bad…okay…but damn LL, people don’t even OWN your albums anymore.

Raekwon…yeah, until he manages to put out an actual good album this decade (Only Built For Cuban Links is over 10 years old now…hmmm, one hot album every 10 year average, anyone?) he can shut the fuck up too. In fact, all these niggas need to be easy. In my opinion, Jay needs to just do a song called “Like Father, Like Son” and just take Lil Wayne down a notch or two since, ya know, he BIRTHED that nigga’s whole persona and style.

I hate Black people sometimes.

I think I’ll just stop there.

Once upon a time, a little black boy, with the help of his homey, decided to undertake an undertaking.

It was undertaking that was intended to be all about fun and knowledge…you may call it knowledgeable fun.

One KRS-One referred to it as edutainment.

That was our chosen specialty. Drop a little bit of knowledge, and then in the great words of one illustrious Lauryn Hill circa 1996:

“…then I add a motherfucker so you ignant niggas hear me…” ~ “Zealots”, The Score

Truer words have never been uttered. Or spoken. Or perhaps they are one and the same.

So it is with that inane introduction I bring to you the return of an online magazine, an e-zine if you will, whose sole purpose is providing edutainment and also doing it like we’re doing it for television.

Allow me to reintroduce the undertaking that had a serious run well over a year ago for a good 3 months:

We The Voices

It’s a subsidiary of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises, LLC. And you thought it was a game, didn’t ya?

You know, originally, we had a lot of fun doing the site and a lot of great writers were involved. We had a strong run going and a readership. And a dandelion in the parking garage. But at some point it got to be a whole lot less fun than it started out as. It started to feel like a real job. So it’s run ended.

Well, the streets is watching, and as soon as I took it offline (or just stopped updating it), I got a whole heap of emails telling me how I was disappointing my fan base and how could I just let something like that fall to the side.

For fuck’s sake, Panama, what’s your problem?

Between those emails, and the random emails that come even still asking me what happened to it, and my friends who were both involved and just readers asking me what was up with We The Voices, myself and my partner in write decided to go on ahead and bring it back. Plus, we actually liked it. It’s hard work, but its hard work for a purpose.

Oh…and why are there dandelions in the parking garage?

So with that in mind, We The Voices is making its phoenix like return from the ashes very soon. We have a launch date and I’d tell you but then you’d expect me to actually MAKE that launch date causing me to have to kill you.

Not. A. Good. Look.

We’ve got a lot of the puzzle pieced back together, but I’m still looking for more writers. Which means that this little ad that I’m writing right now might show up at least once more. So here’s the spiel:

Are you an aspiring writer? Do you come to this website and perhaps laugh or snicker and think to yourself…you know, I think the same stuff? Do you believe in love and happiness?

If you answered yes to any of those questions and you’re interested in doing freelance writing for an upstart e-zine that has every intention of becoming a huge presence on the net (mostly because it’s a goal of ours…I want to be rich beeyotch) and potentially in the future in print, and you believe in edutainment and good-natured ignorance, please email me at:

panama@wethevoices.com

[***Sidenote: You see what gets written here. I'm not easily offended nor do I take myself too seriously unless the situation calls for it. I like to have fun basically. Don't come at me with no shit. I like to laugh and learn at the same time. I like edutainment. If you can provide that, hit me up.***]

I’m the HNIC and the Editor-In-Chief, and as such, I feel the need to let you know that if you so decide that you’d be interested in writing for We The Voices (and we’d love to have you), there are certain rights you have reserved. Follow me:

1. You reserve the right to be rejected.
2. I reserve the right to reject you.
3. You reserve the right not to take it personal.
4. I reserve the right to not give a shit if you forgo your previously reserved right.
5. You reserve the right to realize its business, not personal.
6. I reserve the right to reinforce that age old mantra.
7. You reserve the right to have fun with this…
8. I reserve the right to have more fun than you! I’m the HNIC!!!

We have interests in any and everything under the sun, from music, to social commentary, to health, whatever. So if you’re interested in anything from music to poetry, etc, feel free to holla at a playa. Remember though, you’re fuckin’ with a family man. We’re having fun, but we’re serious too. As in seriously trying to pop this off…like whatever the replacement is for Cristal!!!

From editorials to music reviews; from social commentary to advice columns; from pimpin’ to the penitentiary (I’m sure I stole that from somewhere), We The Voices is that shit.

We like crack in the ’80s.

So once again, if you’re interested in doing some freelance writing for an upstart e-zine, please email me. I’ll return all emails, unless you go asking me strange shit, in which case, I’ll call the proper authorities and then send out a Drop Squad on that ass.

The email address, one more time, is: panama@wethevoices.com

This has been a shameless-self promotion courtesy of the sexxiest man a live, Panama D. Jackson, HNIC, CEO, Editor-In-Chief

We The Voices…back like Lionel Richie!