I love my friends.

Despite the amazing accomplishments of many of my immediate accomplices and co-D’s, rarely do we discuss the future Nobel Prizes, Pulitzer Prizes, and advances that mankind will make due to the diligence and work ethic of my friends. We are, like most other young, gifted, and black people concerned with the important things in life, such as music, pop-culture, movies, relationships, and America’s Next Top Model.

And you can throw an impromptu discussion about religion and race into that list as well.

By the way, wasn’t the first sentence of the paragraph before the preceding paragraph really pretentious and presumptuous? Do you realize I used five (5) words in the last sentence that started with “p” and none of the words has less than 9 letters in them? Probably not.

Well yesterday, one of my co-D’s, who will be graduating from Georgia Tech in August with a Ph.D. in biomedical engineering, and I happened upon a discussion that quickly devolved into a disagreement about behavior in high school. It is possible that some of you reading this will recognize the circumstances for which this question might arise. For others, you will not, which only makes sense because not recognizing is the direct complement of recognizing. It’s either/or bucko. I’m feeling educational today.

So I bring to you the discussion that me and my co-D, The Great, had on yesterday because we need further clarification. This convo also arose with another friend on Monday so you see how important this is to the black community.

Are you ready?

Good.

Mind you, this all involves what you would have done in HIGH SCHOOL. Not yesterday at yo’ mamma ‘nem house. Further, if you let the behavior we will discuss happen after high school, you should not be allowed to procreate as you are singlehandedly bringing down the black community.

The more you know.

*ding*

Let’s start with the main question and work our way into the discussion.

Question. And that’s if only I can ask this question, can I?

Yes you can!!!

When dating somebody, or maintaining interest in somebody for whom you actually have regular contact, and that person has a nickname, how long is it plausible to go without actually KNOWING their real name? And is it even realistic to assume that you will go any significant time (like say, a week) without knowing their real name? Can you date somebody without ever knowing their real name?

Let’s say you are in high school, and you meet a nice young lady (clearly this is from the male’s point of view but it can go either way) at the mall who tells you that her name is Woopty-Woop. Despite her gawdawful nickname, you are interested and she is as well. The two of you exchange information and you wait the pre-requisite day to call. Now, when you do decide to call, you will realize that you are about to ask whoever answers the phone for a Woopty-Woop, but you have a little reassurance knowing that she probably gave you her cell phone number. If she doesn’t have a cell phone, you will still call but you will be nervous from the potential that you just might ask a grown smurfin’ person who answers the phone for a person named Woopty-Woop knowing good and smurf well that no parent in their right mind (though a parent out of their right mind might do so) would name their child no smurfin’ Woopty-Woop.

Say you do get direclty to Woopty-Woop. And you all begin conversatin’ (I assume they’re both black since I doubt white people would have a nickname like Woopty-Woop, so it is entirely possible that they will conversate), in my mind, one of the FIRST questions that will be asked is, “so what’s your real name?” Followed by the most logical second question you ask a fellow high schooler who doesn’t go to school with you, “what school do you go too?”

It is my opinion that it is entirely unfathomable to go more than a week DATING (in high school terms which means talking on the phone and meeting up at the mall for kissy-face which leads to the hopefully safe sex in a car behind the mall), you would at least find out the person’s real name. And further, you’d want to know where they went to school.

My boy, The Great, disagrees. He doesnt think the real name is important and that as long as you have a name to call them, you’re in the game. He also doesn’t think that finding out what school the other person goes to is important either.

We are at an impasse. And we need your help. Is finding out a person’s real name that important or is it just good enough to have something to call them? And is where they go to school irrelevant to high schoolers?

When I was in high school, knowing where people went to school was important. We had a high school in Huntsville, Alabama, Lee High School, where it seemed like all the fine chicks went. If you were dating a chick from Lee, you were in there like swimwear (girls callin’ me hun)

First off, R.I.P. to rapper Proof (nee DeShaun Holton) from the Detroit group, D-12 who was killed at an afterhours spot in Detroit last nght. It is not a good year for Detroit on the rap front…at all. (via Allhiphop.com)

*****

“…straight up pimp, if you want me you can find me in the A…” - Big Boi, “Kryptonite”, Purple Ribbon All-Stars, Vol. 2

I went to see the movie ATL starring everybody’s favorite dopeboy, T.I., last night. I really enjoyed the movie and I’d recommend it to everybody. Is it cinematic perfection? No. But I go for entertainment. I was entertained.

Two thumbs up. And a pinky toe.

While watching the movie, I got a whole bunch of random movie, Atlanta, and life thoughts. So I figured, I’d share them. Also, there is a “twist” in the movie. I won’t share it here but I will say that it becomes quite obvious at one point AND for me, it was a relief in SO many ways.

Let us begin, shall we? Yes, let’s.

-I really miss Atlanta. From the opening scenes of the movie I found myself really missing being there. When the song “Georgia” by Ludacris and Field Mob came on, I almost shed a tear. Then I realized I went to the movies by myself and a bunch of teenage pseudo-thugs would probably begin laughing at me. So my pride caught me. Thank goodness. Bottom line, I really miss Atlanta.

-I thought that the movie did a good job of representing Atlanta. And especially the Southside of Atlanta. Yeah, they took some liberties with the actual location of some things but hey, it’s a movie. That area of Atlanta really looks like that. And Jason Weaver cleary doesn’t get enough acting roles. One time for SouthWest Atlanta AKA The SWATS.

-Lauren London is fine. She made one fine smurfin’ hoodrat too. But her accent irritated me to high Hell. I cringed listening to her talk. My mother’s entire side of the family is from the West side of Atlanta. All those places you hear T.I. talking about on his songs…yeah, that’s my momm’a side, Bankhead, Bowen Homes, and Adamsville.

I am the Adamsvillain.

“…I got that shit from Simpson Road/Adamsville, Bowen Homes, Center Hill, Zone 4…” - T.I. , “Ride Wit’ Me”, King

Don’t NOBODY on my momma’nem side talk like she did. I NEVER cringe listening to my family members. She made me cringe.

Big ups to Adamsville.

-I have a personal story to share. One of my boys, The Great, called me the other day to talk about the movie. I hadn’t seen it so we strayed away from the movie, but he did have a question for me.

The Great: Yo, is Mechanicsville a real neighborhood?

Peyton Place Panama: Yeah…dude, are you serious?

The Great: Yeah, I thought they were trying to make it like it was Adamsville or something.

Peyton Place Panama: Seriously, you’re joking right?

The Great: *silence* No, why you asking?

Just like in ATL, we get a “twist” in the story right here. Waaaaaaaaaait for it…

Waaiiiiiiiiit for it…

Peyton Place Panama: Nigga, BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN MECHANICSVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Great: WHAT???!?!!!

Peyton Place Panama: Dude, you fuckin’ live in Mechanicsville. Well close enough. You know the corner of Pryor Road and Abernathy…that’s Mechanicsville. Nigga, there’s a fuckin’ sign right there that says…Mechanicsville. You drive by that shit like everyday and you have never ONCE noticed it????

The Great: Wait…you’re surely right!!! Oh shit…I sure do!

In the two days since we have had this conversation, he called me yesterday morning to tell me he saw the sign, and texted me this morning to tell me that he was “driving thru Mechanicsville. Est. 1893″.

Further, he’s been living in Atlanta for the past 9 years now and actually in the vicinity of Mechanicsville for like 2. I’d like to offer my congratulations to the Least Observant Negro In History.

Mechanicsville, Atlanta, Georgia for those that don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what happens in the hood is located in South West Atlanta south of I-20, west of the 75/85 connector and borders the railroad on the south and west. Sheesh…negroes.

-I don’t know what its like in other cities, but going to the skating rink really is a big deal in Atlanta. I used to live on MLK before I moved to DC and about a year before I graduated, they opened up the Cascade Family Skating Center which is prominently displayed in the movie on MLK Blvd. That place is ALWAYS jumpin’ on the weekends. When my cousin, who is now like 15 and going to Douglass (or Doug for the locals), would get in trouble her punishment would be that she couldn’t go to Cascade. Her world would end that weekend, literally. It’s really as packed as they show in the movie and it’s really as live as they show in the movie.

In undergrad, my boy Barry used to work at Sparkle in Riverdale. Like clockwork, every weekend we’d be up in there trying to look good and snag some chicks because on Sunday nights…that’s where the chicks were. Though I said that gangsta’s don’t roller-skate, there sure are a bunch of niggas on skates doing tricks that look like they’ll rob you as soon as you walk out. If you’re in Atlanta and you want to see some real local fun…go to the skating rink, and if you’re not afraid to be on MLK Blvd. at midnight, go to Cascade.

-I thought that the group of friends really came off well. They seemed like real friends who could joke with eachother and understood that everybody was trying to make it. Nobody was trying to hold anybody back or judge anybody for being who they were. They had the prep boy who was trying to make it out the hood, the uber-ghetto negro who just loved being an uber-ghetto negro (Jason Weaver…get him more ghetto parts STAT), Rashad (T.I.) who is like any other regular cat in the hood who’ just living trying to do something with himself and his family, and the NY transplant who reminds everybody that he’s from NY at every turn.

Niggas from NY really do that too. It’s like there’s NY, then the rest of the world. They even had a good little convo about that at the requisite ATL stop, Waffle House.

I can’t not do this, so bear with me.

Can we please have a moment of silence for the infamous North Avenue IHOP?

*silence*

If you never experienced it, your life is missing something. You betta know dat.

-Big Boi from Outkast is a show stealer. He pulled off being a dopeboy so well it was almost frightening. He was a little too cool-and-callous. Funny as hell in the most frightening way possible.

-In the beginning scenes of the movie, Rashad, his brother Ant, and his Uncle are cleaning up a Value Village which just HAS to be the one on Metropolitan Parkway. That conjured up memories from February 2005 when I was in Atlanta and the cashier at Value Village got all uppity with me cuz I didnt know that at Value Village, the cashiers don’t remove the hangers themselves…the customers do. So just like in February 2005…

…I’d like to send an Extra Special Fuck You out to the Value Village on Metropolitan Parkway for having the nerve to be bougie…at Value Village on Metropolitan Parkway also know in Atlanta as, “the track.” Not to be confused with the “trap”. The trap has the dopeboys, the track has the hoes.

-Shoutouts to Spelman College getting mentioned in the movie. Needless to say, Spelman holds a special place in my heart and will always be my favorite place on Earth. Extra special shoutouts to Packard Hall, though I’m an Abby and HH man myself.

-Speaking of famous Atlanta landmarks, I love how Eddie’s Gold Teeth makes it up in the movie. Grills have always been popular in Atlanta, but it seems like Eddie’s has gotten way more popular in the last few years. It is also one of the longest running search queries to this site. Every month, no less than 5 people do searches for Eddie’s Gold Teeth and end up on my site. Hell, I didn’t even know where it was until I realized so many people were searching for it and I was informed that it’s at Greenbriar Mall, which is my favorite mall in Atlanta, with Cumberland coming in second. You need shoes, some bomb chinese food, or some good This Is It!! ribs??? Greenbriar is your spot.

-There is one scene in the movie that is hilariously funny. Let’s just say Lost in Translation takes on a whole new meaning when involving a nigga from Atlanta. It is also a scene that SO many people who venture to Atlanta from other places can relate too. In college, me and my boy Johnny Kwest would go to the Checkers on MLK (Adamsville beeyotch!) and I would intentionally let JK do the ordering because he could NEVER understand what the Checkers employees were saying. You can’t create comedy like that, it just has to fall into your lap. I’d have to translate all the time. Nothing is funnier than hearing this:

Checker’s Worker: ‘Sup shawty…whajaogjaodihjaoi…knowhumtalkin’bout?

Johnny Kwest: Ummm…Uhhhhh…*turning to me* What in the FUCK did he just say????!!??

Peyton Place Panama: He just asked if you wanted a banana milkshake.

JK: No shit???

PPP: Yep.

JK: I don’t know how in the hell you can understand that shit. *turning back* Naw nigga…give me 2 .99 cent spicy chicken sandwiches.

CW: Ok…weljsaljfoidoajfodajoijfijadodjofojo…

JK: Shit…sure. *driving around to the front*

Also, I’d like to send an extra special fuck you out to Checker’s in Washington, DC for NEVER having $. 99 spicy chicken sandwiches when in Atlanta, them hoes are ALWAYS $ .99.

-This movie is also home to one of the WORST sex scenes ever in a movie, if it was even supposed to be that. Trust me on this one. You’re kids don’t have to close their eyes.

Since this is getting long…

-Overall, it’s a good movie with some laughs, some heartwarming moments, some life lessons, some fine ass women (synonymous with Atlanta), some hoodrats (synoymous with Atlanta), and a bunch of dudes trying to figure out life. Well worth the entertainment…

“…you can find me in the A…A….A….”

Boy stop!

First off, I’d like to thank everybody for the great blog topics. Next week I’ll be taking on the various topic suggestions.

Today, though, I came across this personality test so I figured, for people who would like to kill time, you might as well take it and find out your personality type. I know we all do these over and over, but fuck it, do it again.

I am King. Love me.

It’s a really short test and I think it will be fun to send around to the masses of folks you know. I’m going to post my results here and one of the write-ups. Let’s make a challenge out of this:

I’m interested in finding out how many people are extroverts versus introverts. My guess is that most people who actually blog are going to be extroverts but I could be wrong. My results have shown that I’m very much extroverted and would talk to a rock if it would talk back.

Which is true by the way, I’ve had full fledge conversations with inanimate objects…

Anyway, here’s the link to the test: The Jung Typology Test.

And here is the score for the Illustrious Panama Dontavious Jackson, Hero Extraordinaire:

I am an ENFP.

Extroverted: 78%
Intuitive: 50%
Feeling: 25%
Perceiving: 22%

I’m also sexxy, I just wanted to make sure nobody forgot that part.

Being an ENFP, also makes me a Champion Idealist. Yes bitches, I am a champion.

Here is one of the write-ups that appears with the results:

The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and extraverted when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can’t bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they’ve uncovered, hoping to disclose the “truth” of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off, uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency, they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which Champions possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, Champions strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to “be themselves” is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, Champions fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.

As far as I’m concerned, this is pretty damn accurate, except for that good and evil part. I don’t really think about doing evil shit too often…unless you count crime and coming up with ways to improve on crimes or commit the perfect crime, in which case I plead the fifth.

Fif.

Cinqo.

I love my write up and all about how only like 3 percent of the population is similar. Yeah muhfucka…I like being a one and only type cat!!

Ichiban bitches!

So have at it, it’s a short test and its fun to learn more about yourself…and give up the goods. That means results here…extrovert or introvert, and do you agree.

Basically, I’m just trying to find a reason for anybody to actually comment on this post.

Good night and good luck.

Oh, and fuck Nevada for fucking up my NCAA bracket. That is all.

Three times in three days…bitches.

I’m feeling inspired right now. Not sure how long this will last or if this is the leadup to me ultimately saying fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit…because I’ll be late for that. Ishkabibbly doody wop.

The sad part of that entire last sentence is that if I was E-40, that would have been a clear, coherent, cogent, coagulated thought. And probably would have translated to “love is in need of love today.”

Or something.

Now that we’ve got the inane introduction out of the way, let us commence.

A thought came to me yesterday while I was returning from Quizno’s after purchasing a Triple Q combo meal that eye poppingly came out to $9.88. The thought was that niggas are dumb as hell with their criminal game at times.

Non-sequitor? Definitely.

Over the past few days, I’ve been in discussions with various friends of mine at various times about sundry criminal lacktastic skills that many people have. And quite frankly, it’s disturbing. The mere fact that people run their mouths AFTER committing crimes is dumb in and of itself, but its like people want to get caught most of the time anyway. With a little more thought, you too can become a better criminal. Let us delve into how.

Panama Jackson Presents Crime Without Punishment…How To Not Get Caught Up, Dumbass

I’m going to pick a few scenarios to discuss. Some you may have heard before, others you may have never considered, others may cause you to say that Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. You’ve been learndeded.

IAN Game (Ignore A Nigga) Game

This is one of those areas that you’d think would be simple, but for some reason, people are idiots. For instance, which is French for, for instance….say you have some chick/unchick that you are done dealing with. But they call you incessantly. Everybody’s phone has an ignore function. Right? If you hit “ignore” after the phone rings twice, they’ll know you’re ignoring the call. You either have to be quick on the trigger, or just let it ring. Kind of like letting it snow, only not the same at all. Nothing new here.

BUT…

…the dumb nigga syndrome kicks in when you KNOW that the person recognizes it’s you calling so they do what any crazy bitch (this is not gender specific here) would do. What’s that class??

*67 your ass. For those who live in uncivilized parts of the country (world), *67 blocks the outgoing number causing it to show up as either “private caller” or “unknown” on the receiver’s caller ID.

And what do you do?

Answer the gotdamn phone. Who does that? You know you’re ex is nuts…its the reason for their ex status. You know they will call you with a blocked number because they’ve done it before. Yet you answer…EVERYTIME. RIGHT after they just tried to call you and got ignored. To properly ignore a nigga, you must do exactly that, IGNORE A NIGGA.

Dumb ass.

Robbery

Humans are dumb. We want credit for everything. Which is why people will talk about the crimes they have committed. Dumb. There are 2 Simple Rules for Robbing A White Teenager or A Home (banks require more people).

1. Do it by yourself.

2. Shut the fuck up about it.

Somehow, nobody EVER follows those two rules. Niggas always want to commit crimes with their criminal friends. This is a bad idea. Do you know why it’s a bad idea? Because you can’t really trust criminals. Unless they are wealthy criminals who are doing it for sport…and usually white and run Fortune 500 companies or countries on their off weekends. Other than that, niggas will sing like Whitney if cornered and their freedom is at stake. We’d all like to believe there is honor amongst thieves…me…me no believey. There is a reason economists, and more specifically Game Theorists start off every discussion with the “Prisoner’s Dilemma”. This is the notion that if you have catch two criminals, separate them, there are 4 logical outcomes. Both will be silent, both will squeal, or one will tell and the other won’t, and vice versa. Likelihood that nobody will talk…very very low.

You’re already a criminal, why trust them? Save yourself right? You see, if you do your dirt by your lonely, you only have yourself to concern yourself with…as long as you also shut the fuck up.

Why this eludes so many people is beyond me.

Bank Robbery

Why ANYBODY would attempt this in today’s day and age of ridiculous surveillance and dye-packed money balls, etc. is beyond me.

If you must, I have no clue how to do this properly.

Little Known Panama Fact: When I was in 9th grade, a bunch of my homeboy’s were aspiring rappers, criminals, etc. Well these dummies ACTUALLY approached me (since I was the “smart” one) about drawing up plans for them to rob a local bank. I was informed that two of them said they wouldn’t go thru with it unless I was the architect. Must have been what Christopher Williams felt like in New Jack City. They never did rob that bank. About three years ago, one of these fellows DID however bungle a gas station robbery and is currently serving jail time.

Drug Dealing

I plead the 5th on this one. However, I do have some advice for aspiring drug dealers out there. If, and that’s a big if, you do manage to make some actual money doing this…don’t be so gotdamned visible. Real killers move in silence nigga. Buying cars galore while you live in the hood is not a good look. At all. Who WOULDN’T notice that? Police included. Of course, you will have to have a crew, which means that chances of having a squealer in your camp increases. Basically, you will go to jail or die eventually…but while you’re alive, the least you can do is find lucrative ways to…

Launder Money

Open a barber shop, or some business where money exchanges hands quickly and is largely cash based. When I saw Rush Hour 2 for the first time, I thought the billionaire who laundered his money through a casino was brilliant. I was actually proud of him for that.

You probably don’t have the money to do that. Landscaping is a good venture as well. Who doesn’t need their lawns manicured? The bottom line here is that you must find some way to get that money out of your hands into some venture where the money can be accounted for…quickly. As a smart criminal, this would be done. OR…move the money into offshore accounts…quickly.

And not by two Benzes. That is not money laundering. That is wearing the money. And you just might end up strip searched.

Prostitution

Just don’t do it.

There is never a good way to become a ho.

I think that is all for today. I charge you aspiring criminals, no matter how large or small the crime, to be smarter at your criminal endeavors…it is imperative.

Thank you and goodnight.

Every now and then I read very depressing news. For instance, I found out yesterday that UPN and the WB are going to merge into the CW Network sometime this year. Save for the casts of “Everybody Hates Chris” and “Girlfriends”, quite a few more black actors/actresses are going to be unemployed. And despite the shows sucking, they were still black shows on air. Sometimes the news involves world catastrophes, other times it involves civil rights or humanitarian efforts that seem to align with Langston Hughes famous poem, “A Dream Deferred.”

And then…there’s shit like this:

Study: College students lack literacy for complex tasks

*You don’t actually have to click to that link since I’ll be pulling out highlights of the article since any of you college students/graduates out there might not know how to click on the link*

“More than half of students at four-year colleges — and at least 75 percent at two-year colleges — lack the literacy to handle complex, real-life tasks such as understanding credit card offers, a study found.”

[***DISCLAIMER: What will follow will be very insensitive comments about college students/graduates (of which I'm a member...I'm also a member of the Safeway Select Grocery Store Discount Club). You've been informed and bewared. ***]

In the immortal words of Florence Evan’s signifying the point where Good Times went to total shit or more popularly known as the moment when Flo and family found out James died of a contract dispute, I mean, an accident in Mississippi (or somewhere down South)…

…damn, damn, damn.

What in the hell are people learning in college?

The worst and most disturbing part of the whole article is that it doesn’t surprise me. I can’t tell you how many actual college graduates I know who don’t seem equipped to handle the simple tasks in life. And for the college students who don’t understand that last statement, let me simplify it.

College students isn’t all smart.

[***DISCLAIMER# 2: I'm aware that many people who come here are indeed college students or college graduates. If you have trouble reading or analyzing anything on this site, it's okay, apparently you aren't alone. However, I'm a saddened by this news and I hope to never work for or near you in life. You will make me dumber. Go count something. ***]

“The literacy study funded by the Pew Charitable Trusts, the first to target the skills of graduating students, finds that students fail to lock in key skills — no matter their field of study….

Without “proficient” skills, or those needed to perform more complex tasks, students fall behind. They cannot interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school.”

Let us analyze this a little bit. I’ve often looked at credit card applications, and quite frankly it can be very confusing. Sometimes I think its intentionally confusing. However, after actually reading an application I have an understanding of the different options, penalties, etc. You see, the key component is reading.

You know what, let’s cut the smart shit, this is a gotdamn shame. Let’s get to what this really means, mmkay?

“Most students at community colleges and four-year schools showed intermediate skills. That means they can do moderately challenging tasks, such as identifying a location on a map.”

I went to college…two of them in fact, and one of the things I learned while in college is to become more analytical. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my friends where I concluded that I didn’t learn so much in college, but moreso expanded on what I already knew (in the simplest forms) and acquired an ability to understand HOW to learn. Of course, that shit goes completely out of the window when I include my calculus classes or that lovely Mechanics (Physics) class I took the summer before my Freshman year where I cranked out a big D+ AND took the entire final by flipping a quarter to determine my responses.

When I dropped my quarter between some seats, I turned my test in. The quarter said I was done.

In my defense, the laughs of my peers killed some of the nervous tension in the air. I took one for the team. Ironically, I think I might have done as well if not better than more than half the class.

But I digress.

The fact that identifying a location on a map is considered an intermediate skill is troubling enough by itself, but the notion that college graduates are mostly adept at completing such a low intuition task, and potentially not further than that speaks volumes about education in this country.

Hell, I’m amazed college graduates can even read…and we know for a fact that some can’t. I guess this makes that whole idea of a dumb jock a little less funny, doesn’t it?

Dumb asses=universal, all inclusive term.

I don’t know if this was comedically placed or not, but this little paragraph damn near slayed me:

“There was brighter news.

Overall, the average literacy of college students is significantly higher than that of adults across the nation. Study leaders said that was encouraging but not surprising, given that the spectrum of adults includes those with much less education.”

The cliche, “no shit” comes to mind.

So we have to find silver linings in the fact that college students are able to READ better than most adults in a nation that has created policies to kick up the literacy level of EVERYBODY, not just children because it would seem that people can’t seem to…read. Even R. Kelly is admittedly a functional illiterate.

Functional illiteracy is like the new “passing”. Folks get by on other people’s assumption that they can read when in truth, even college students aren’t adept at anything past reading words on a page. Dammit, I used a college word again. Let me try to rewrite that sentence…

College students see words.

“The survey examined college students nearing the end of their degree programs.

Almost 20 percent of students pursuing four-year degrees had only basic quantitative skills. For example, the students could not estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the service station. About 30 percent of two-year students had only basic math skills.”

Understandbly, math was the Achille’s heel for most people since generally, people suck ass at math. However, the fact that as many 20 percent of students may not be able to estimate if they had enough gas to get to the station is troubling, ESPECIALLY given that cars come with little lights nowadays that say, “Dumbass, go to the gas station.” I’m one of the people who will test my car to see how far I can go while the light is lit and the car is on E. However, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing…and further, doing it intentionally, knowing that my car might run out of gas on me.

Apparently, my thinking is not shared by a sizable percentage of college students. This is again…a damn shame. This didn’t say “able to calculate using the quadratic formula.” No, it says basic math skills which I can only assume means using fractions and moving a decimal a few places. For the college graduates out there, a fraction is the two numbers that have a line between them.

I’m aware that this study was done with a sample of nearly 2,000 when the population of graduating students at large probably numbers in the hundreds of thousands (I could be very optimistic in that assumption), however, there is some truth in these numbers. I’m often surprised when I come across college graduates who seem to be intuitively challenged and apparently I’m wrong for that.

I apologize.

You can’t read (or count or determine a tip for a waiter or determine a pun in a sentence or are able to analyze a sentence or point out a predicate or, well you get the picture). And it’s okay…

…apparently it’s the American way.

I’ve made many distinctions in my day, call me an elitist, feel free (it’s been done before), about people who seem to know shit versus people who are smart. And believe you me, there is a difference. This study just furthers that idea since I assume that to make it thru 4 years you have to at least know something…that does not mean however, that you are smart. It also lends validation to the common saying…

…some of the dumbest people we all know, are indeed, in college.