“…niggas say bitches is trife, bitches say niggas is/we just don’t understand our fundamental differences…” - Talib Kweli, “Love Language”, Train of Thought (Reflection Eternal album)

“…Com, I make righteous bitches get low…” - Common, “They Say”, Be

You know you’re getting old when the first thought you have when you hear lines like that is this:

Was saying “bitch” really necessary??

And not to say that I only care when “conscious” rappers say it, I pretty much think its unnecessary most times. And I also know that in the flow of the songs it fit for spacing and timing reasons (try writing a verse to a beat and this becomes a major issue), but still…

Ah, the quandries of over 25 but not quite 30.

What’s next…will I start questioning rappers (and myself) saying “nigga”??

Word to big bird!

Back by popular demand, we here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises are having our second rap battle. For those that don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what goes on at the rap battle, here are the ground rules. If you don’t care, go light yourself on fire and sing Kumbaya.

1) Anything goes. This is not for the faint of heart. Though nobody here knows eachother all THAT well, the jabs can get pretty down right mean. Hell, if I’m not mistaken, Monk, made an acronym out of my name and called me some pretty foul things. Fuck him, by the way.

2) Don’t take anything personal. It’s all in fun and games. See The last sentence of the previous bullet point.

3) Keep posting until your hearts content. I will stop at around 5pm. Feel free to continue any throttleance of your comrades and fellow battlesters well into the wee hours and over the weekend. Me? After 5, I’ll be back Monday.

Okay, those are the ground rules. There is one last order of business before I start this off. I’ve been asked a few times about my opinion on T.I.’s new album, King, which is a very good album. Classic? Not so much. It had the potential, and after conversations with a few people, I just may discuss how he could have done it next week. Either way, in my attempts to figure out how to describe the album, I happened upon Byron Crawford AKA Bol Guevara website where he was discussing the labeling of T.I.’s album as a classic by some other writers, and he pretty much summed it up better than I could:

“As much as I hate to interrupt happy time, I’m going to have to call bullshit on this one. Both of these albums [with the other being Ghostface's Fishscale album] are pretty good as far as modern rap albums are concerned, but neither one of them is really worth more than maybe an 8 out of 10. I definitely wouldn’t refer to either one of them as a classic.

As I mentioned in the comments at Hip Hop Blogs, the last 6 tracks on the TI album are pure unadulterated shit. And it’s not like the first 12 constituted Illmatic either.”

Though I don’t think that all of the last 6 tracks are shit (with You Know Who being the exception), I pretty much agree.

Now…are you ready?

I say, are you ready??

Then let’s roll. I’ll throw out the first complimentary verse and let the battle begin.

Let me go ahead and begin the lyrical asswhippin’
I don’t care if you my blood, Imma treat you like you crippin’
and for those punk niggas who gon’ try to just slip in
I extend the middle finger salute to you bitches
I’m hoping that everybody is ready for fun and games
that’s gon’ last for 2 seconds as I dismantle all you lames
It’s a shame I got to do it, but thanks for entertaining
the thought of being more than a pawn while I’m reigning
I’m the King of these premises fuck you if you hating
you seem to think that these facts are up to be debated
I done stated in past times you dont want it with Petey Jakes
the most magnificent mofo in these here United States
I handled a few niggas before so don’t sleep
and since y’all niggas dont know history, Im gonna have to go and repeat

I’m so gangsta I just gave you 14 bars. Who you know only does 14?? Fucka 16. Just a little something to get people in the right state of mind…annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd…

Go.

[***This right here is another Panama-length entry. Reading is Fundamental. ***]

Hi, my name is Panama and I’m a hip-hop fan.

Hi Panama.

I realized something a few days ago. And I’m not quite sure how to say this so I might as well just say it straight up.

I like being lied too.

*gasp*

Yes, apparently as a fan of mainstream hip-hop, I appreciate being lied too from some of my favorite artists.

Notice I said, MAINSTREAM rap. For all of you boho’s out there who will think this is an indictment on ALL rap, please read the preceeding sentence again. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

*humming Eminem’s “I’ll Kill You”*

N.W.A. lied to me constantly, Mobb Deep lies to me all of the time…

STOP.

We have a further twist in the soap opera of Deep In The Unit. Allegedly, Prodigy, the once shining prince to Nas’ King of Queensbridge (despite being from Lefrak City), was quoted as saying:

“God didn’t save my life, 50 saved my life.”

I’m officially going on the record as saying that Prodigy is hands down in love with 50 Cent. I’m also going to go ahead and make this call: If this album tanks, Mobb Deep will be no more as I don’t believe that Havoc will be able to take anymore of the ubergayness that Prodigy is exuding regarding 50 Cent. It is causing longtime fans of the Mobb to really question their gangsta. You saw it here first folks.

Back to the lies.

T.I. lies to me. The Game lies to me. Nelly lies to you all. Ludacris lies to me. 50 Cent lies to any and everybody who will listen. B.G., Lil Wayne, etc. Well you get the point. These niggas are all lying because they continue to write all of these tales of their current street acumen and all of the weapons they travel with and the drugs they currently slang, etc.

And I am a fan.

Now granted, I don’t actually believe any of these dudes do half of the shit they claim to do. I don’t believe that Young Jeezy is moving that much snow in the hood or that T.I. is still moving snow in the hood or that 50 Cent does or Cam’ron. I don’t believe that any of these dudes has murdered anybody, with the possible exception of 50 Cent and that’s strictly due to one line on his song “Problem Child.”

“they say you can never repay the price for taking a man’s life/I’m in debt with Christ cuz I done did that twice” - 50 Cent

I’ll admit, I do question the veracity of that statement and maybe it just sounds good in rhyme. But, errrum, most rappers tell you that they WILL kill you, as in future tense. 50 says that he HAS done it. Somehow, that makes me a little nervous. Luckily he isn’t in any jeopardy of going to Heaven anyway as I do in fact believe his posters are plastered through the Great Hall of Hades as one of the biggest proponents of Hell.

But for the most part, I don’t believe most of these rappers who spend so much time trying to get us to buy into the fact that they really have that much street credibility. And I’m not saying that none of these dudes sold drugs. I’m sure that T.I. did as I’m sure that Jay-Z did. I’m sure 50 Cent did as well as a slew of other rappers. Of course, there are lots of questions about how big these “drug dealers” were as even Biggie’s own people have said that he wasn’t nearly the drug dealer that he claimed to be as he was merely dealing in selling small amounts of weed, but I do believe they were selling drugs. The way some of these rappers move, in particular 50 Cent, gives credence to the fact that their street acumen does have some validity to it. Many of these dudes do indeed have the soul of hustlers so I believe that many of them have done SOME of the things they claim in rhyme. Let’s just say that they amongst the lies they share resides some segment of truth.

But between all of the murders these rappers claim to be willing to commit and all of the weight that they claim to be moving and the fact that I don’t actually believe any of them are as big time as they claim, it just seems that I like being lied too. I mean, I buy into it as it relates to their persona on wax. And somehow, they seem to buy into their own stories enough to convince me to buy into them. And I’m not alone. For some strange reason, as far as our mainstream rappers go, with the possible exception of Kanye West, we all like to hear about how hard these dudes are and we can easily look past the fact that their entire catalog is filled with odes to drug slanging and killin’ niggas on the block.

[***Sidenote: Since there is no better place to do this, am I the only person who's about damn tired of seeing UGK, and paritcularly Bun B, on EVERYBODY'S songs? Seriously, I'm a huge UGK fan. I was a fan before many folks even knew who they were largely because I'm from the South, but facts are facts. Right about now, I'd be happy never hearing from the again. It almost seems like they have NOTHING to rap about anymore either. I used to love Pimp C and I'm starting to despise him. I guess what they say about overexposure is true, which would explain the hate for Beyonce, Halle Berry, 50 Cent, etc. I just want them to take a break for a while. Also, Houston has ALREADY begun to fall off...anybody else notice that?? A.T.L. it isn't. ***]

Now for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ll let this type of shit slide. The lies, I mean. Most normal people detest liars. People that will lie to you are the very people you’d not want to be around. Yet in mainstream rap, being able to convince people of your street respectability, be it fabricated or not, is paramount. If somebody found out that Kenny Rogers never had played a game of poker, well, how upset would the country music world be. Or what if the Dixie Chicks were from Canada? Or what if Guns ‘N Roses didn’t live the life they sang about. Of course, that’s an impossibility because if you’ve seen the vh1 Behind The Music on the Guns, you’d realize, them white boys and Slash were nuckin’ futs.

I guess this all ties into the very notion that even as an educated black man, respect and pride are very important. I live in a black neighborhood and you don’t want anybody to even think about wanting to mess with you. Somehow, these are the problems we concern ourselves with. So I sometimes walk around with this air of “don’t fuck with me or this might be a bad day for you”. We all know I’m as gangsta as they come, but we also all know that I purchased a Hillary Duff CD. The key is to not let anybody else know it. And I think this is a problem that is unique to the young black man experience. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that we spend a lot of time trying to scare the bejesus out of white and black people. Hell, we don’t have anything else…all we have is our respect.

Or so we say.

And maybe that’s why we like to be lied to so much. We spend so much time trying to be the dude that everybody wouldn’t want to mess with, kind of as a manifestation of our idea of self-preservation, that despite the sheer impossibility of many of these rappers claims, we see them as a lot like us, even if we may come from totally different circumstances. We’re still young black men and we share the same problems. Just like me (though not really at all), they might like snowboarding (like The Game does), but don’t let anybody look at him wrong on that snowboard or he might have to beat you down (rumored true story…when was the last time you saw three parenthetical statements in one sentence?). And I’ll have to do the same. I’m a G.

Right?

I remember during the last episode of Season 3 of The Wire, after Stringer Bell, had been gangstaliciously murdered by Omar and Brother Mouzone, Detective McNulty was in Stringer’s apartment looking through his books and possessions and he couldn’t believe the types of books String had apparently been reading. It was so astounding to him he wondered aloud who in the hell was he chasing?

I wonder if a lot of these dudes are indeed like that. They all seem to look up to Tupac and we know the intelligent hoodlum he was. I know a lot of people don’t like Tupac as a rapper, and I have my days as well, but as a person he was the epitome of the young black man so many of us wish to be. Educated but respected by all. He had the pedigree, he had the struggle, he had the ability to rise above it, and he went out in a blaze of glory. Actually, nix that last part, I’d rather go out while drinking some Kool-Aid when I’m 98.

All in all, I wonder if the reason we love being lied to so much is that because so many of us spend so much time lying to ourselves about who we really are. From white suburban “thugs” to some of the inner-city black “thugs”. Yeah the white boys get to grow out of it, but so many of us young black men still fall victim to the idea that we have to be able to be respected in the streets, at age 30.

So yes, I like being lied too. Hell, I enjoy it thoroughly. And I think I don’t pay much attention to it because in some kind of weird way, I understand.

Besides, if I want honesty, I’ll just listen to Milli Vanilli.

Oh, right.

[***I hear that there's some dude out there named Panama who writes long posts. I'm sure glad I'm not him. Ole long winded self! Yes, that means this is long. ***]

Who knew one song could cause so much intra-race controversy?

It’s been a few days since the world found out that it is, indeed, hard out here for a pimp. Three 6 Mafia couldn’t have predicted that a year ago, a song they were commissioned to do for an indepedent movie would be placed on center stage during Hollywood’s biggest night. After all, they were just doing what they were asked to do; create some original songs for the pimp-turned-rapper, DJay, to perform in the movie that pertained to his pimpin’ lifestyle.

And now, “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” won an accolade that many people wish to have on their resume.

And a lot of black folks are pissed. Which isn’t surprising.

And the title of this post had little to do with anything, I just like the song. It’s by Blue Oyster Cult.

Rock on!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There have been articles all over the internet, national newspapers (more specifically, the Washington Post ran two articles that I’m aware of) on both sides of the coin. Some people are happy that they won, or think that it was good for hip-hop while others are completely aghast, disappointed, pissed, and offended.

I believe that some black folks think this is akin to “Plymouth rock landing on us…again…followed by Chris Rock, Rock ‘n Roll, and Prudential.”

You know, piece of mind, it comes with every piece of the rock.

*rimshot*

Hell, I’ve heard people refer to Three 6 Mafia’s winning of the Oscar as confirmation of white America’s love for black modern day minstrel shows.

Others hate that black stereotypes are lauded.

Well, you get the picture. A lot of black people are very upset with this.

And in some ways, I can understand…but that’s only because I’m very aware that a lot of black people care a whole hell of a lot about white people’s perception of us. Somehow, it seems that our own self-perception is tied into how white America views us.

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, black folks are full of shit.

Why do we care so gotdamned much about how they see us? Really. I want to know.

Black people are so full of concern over our image (as it was pointed out to me last night, and I can’t believe I never thought about this, but we even have the NAACP Image Awards…good God) that we hate anything that can be deemed contrary to what we would like our image to be.

Mind you, I understand the need for balance. To be honest, I’d wager that there is more balance nowadays, outside of mainstream hiphop, than there ever has been before. I can’t think of a single scripted show featuring majority black people on television that doesn’t feature upwardly mobile, well-to-do black people. Black people with degrees and businesses, etc. You know, the people like a lot of us. With the image that we want.

And you know my problem with that? It’s all steeped in how we want to be viewed by larger society…you know, white people.

How in the hell can we progress if our entire self-image is rooted in how we would like to look to white people?

And I’m no better at times. I pride myself on usually not giving a flying fuck what most white people think about me. I kind of march to my own beat most of the time anyway, so even black folks are confused. But there are times when I’m just as guilty of caring about white people’s opinions as the next person. And that is stupid.

It’s impossible to improve your own situation when you’re too busy trying to make sure you look good to a group that, for the most part, doesn’t give a shit what image you put out there. How can we, as black folks, even figure out what’s best for us as a community (assuming that any of us really do give a shit about that community thing since I figure most folks care about what white folks think because of how it might negatively impact them as individuals) if our entire goal is to make sure that white people see that some of us do have degrees and jobs.

Especially when they already know that since they give some of us jobs. Begrudingly at times, but they do.

For the most part, I manage to live my life according to my own liking. And do you know why? Go ahead…take a gander…

…it’s because I’m free.

We have a long way to go in race relations. Clearly, but last I checked, I was free. I didn’t have to live my life dictated by the whims and musings of white people.

So why do so many of us do that? Why do we try to do all the things that one wouldn’t typically associate with black. Hell…why do some folks think they have to dissociate themselves period?? I’ll never understand that.

And speaking on race relations, I find it funny that we want mainstream media, and essentially white America’s perception of us to be perfect…because don’t get it twisted, we don’t want them to have a balanced view of us, we want them to think of us as equals, but in that equality lies a want to be considered as educated people who are as successful as they are at many different ventures. Anytime we can show white folks that we aren’t all poor, we make strides to do so.

But…we also want white people to still recognize racism. It’s like we want white people to look in the mirror and say, “yes you fucked over black people, but still they rise, like the tides. and despite the slip and slides, they rise…they took all that racism and made it anyway.”

Come on…how realistic is that? We want instant gratification and recognition. It’s going to take some time. Hell, we JUST started getting into white schools almost 50 years ago. And that took a landmark Supreme Court case. It isn’t like we were welcomed with open arms, an apple, and some Mentos.

The freshmaker.

Hell, do you even realize that the entire last few paragraphs were all about our dealings with white people? And how we want them to essentially welcome us to the table? Are you still reading right now anyway?

Why don’t we care more about what’s going on inside our our communities first…then worry about what the hell else white folks think? It isn’t like racism is going anywhere anytime soon anyway. Just because we THINK that they look at us differently doesn’t mean they do does it? Or is that what it’s all about anyway…

…we just want to FEEL better about ourselves…and if we feel white folks feel good about us, then maybe we will feel good about us too.

Man, I miss Ice Cube from 1991. For all of the criticism he caught, he had the right idea. Focus on us first, fuck how they think.

This is why we can’t rise as a people, X. It has nothing to do with Three 6 Mafia. They won that award because the Academy didn’t give a shit about how we view ourselves. They liked the song. Same reason Terrence Howard was nominated for his role, because he played a good ass pimp (no pun intended).

Somebody needs to do a study on why we’re so good at portraying the very stereoypes we rail against.

And on why we care so damn much what white people think…please, somebody explain it to me.

(And on how we can keep Flavor Flav on TV for as long as possible, with a possible reality show featuring Crunchy Black as well.)

(Most Known Unknowns no longer…now white people know who you are.)

“Crunchy Black has an Oscar. We have to prepare ourselves for the fact that the world may be coming to an end.” ~ semi-incorrect words (Cruncy Black actually isn’t one of the authors or producers of the song…hence he didn’t really win shit…but the sentiment is still right) uttered by my boy The Great, shortly after Queen Latifah announced to the world that members of Three 6 Mafia won the oscar for Best Original Song.

And I couldn’t be happier. Well aside from the potential end of the world, but I had a good run.

Seriously.

Admittedly, I’m black.

Yes I know. Shocking. What that means is that much like every other black person that can read or even knows who Truman Capote was, I was a tad nervous as to what the Three 6 Mafia was going to bring to the stage last night. Nervous might not be the right word.

Terrified might be more appropos.

Honestly, I hid under my couch while they were performing. Okay, that was dumb. I don’t have a couch. I have a futon.

But lo and behold, Three 6 gave us the absolute whitest rendition of that song they could give, complete with white interpretive dancers and…fuck it, they gave us interpretive dancers period. There was actual choreography (and they thanked the choreographer on stage…who saw THAT coming?) to give the song somewhat of a more finessed feel. And it worked. I’m as amazed as anybody else, but it worked. It was a good performance. Very white (mainstream), but good.

After it was over…I made sure to look out my window to see if time had magically reverted back to the mid-1800’s. Apparently, they DID NOT set us back.

Even Taraji Henson was lovely, if not a smidge out of place in her Oscar gown. I love her. She’s so ‘hood it’s ridiculous.

To cap off the toned down performance, Taraji Henson ended the song with a run that I couldn’t find on my Hustle & Flow soundtrack for shit. I listened over and over again and it just wasn’t there. Yes, I own it. And love it.

Basically, they did what anybody put in their position would do. They made you focus on the actual song as opposed to the people delivering it.

Which is the EXACT opposite of what a good 99% of us expected.

We ain’t shit.

A damn shame how sometimes we forget that though some of these rappers seem to exude ghetto-ocity in everything they do, they are ultimately smart people who have made moves and shakes to be successful at their chosen field. We don’t give them much credit apparently. And we can argue about their business acumen later, but you will be wrong.

However, as surprised as I was at the performance, NOTHING prepared me for the fact that they would actually win the Oscar for Best Original Song…against Dolly “My Boobs Are Too Big To Box With God” Parton.

And once again, I couldn’t be happier.

Since they are black, out of nowhere, we got the obligatory…”thank you Jesus.”

Good times.

But back to the surprise of them winning. You know, I know a lot of black folks who have disdain for the movie and further couldn’t care less about no damn “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” song. Me, I love the song. I’ll be the first to tell you.

I’m a fan of Three 6 Mafia. I’m not saying that they are the best rappers out there, but I’ll be damned if they can’t put together a good album. And who wasn’t bumping “Stay Fly (High)” since last summer? But many a nigra was downright offended by the Oscar’s choice of that song. Not even realizing how good the song was IN RELATION TO THE MOVIE. It fit the movie to a “T”…which is the POINT.

[***Sidenote: What the fuck does that saying "to a T" mean anyway? Is it because the the horizontal line sits right up there perfectly balanced in the actual formation of the "T"? And does it matter if its lowercase? Also, does that take into account the use of nails and other hardware in today's societ? Inquiring minds would like to know. ***]

We fell into the old, “well see we only get nominated for shit like that…” Yada yada yada. And since there were so many people who either hated or loved the movie, black people that is, had we been voting, it wouldn’t have won.

Thank God for white people. Oh, and the Academy… who are the ones who voted for that song to win. Oh right, I had the Academy covered by saying white people. Let Halle, Denzel, and Jamie Foxx in and I done plum forgot that that’s only 4.

Speaking of which, somebody needs to get Denzel’s vote card…STAT. I wonder which song he voted for? Because you KNOW Jamie Foxx voted for “…Pimp” to win. Did you see how happy he was??? I myself just laughed for a good 5 minutes. In glee bitches, in glee.

Hell, now I’m waiting for them to drop their next album featuring the lead-single, club banger, “Bitch I Got An Oscar”. I think it would go something like this:

“they hatin’ on us but we did it/so fuck all them hatin’ violatin’ ass bitches/you bitch nigga’s sittin at home had to watch us/cuz I’m Juicy J and Bitch I got an Oscar”

Speaking of which…on the song “Stay Fly (High)”, Juicy J quips: “I ain’t Denzel, but I know I’m a star”. Well, now you and Denzel have both been recognized by the Academy. You both have Oscars. What are the odds of seeing a collabo between Jamie Foxx, Denzel, and Three 6 Mafia doing a song called “Oscar Nigga!”

There’s so much potential out there now.

Also, what are the odds on Kanye deciding that he wants an Oscar now too. He is doing the song for “Mission Impossible 3.” Will we have to hear him bitch and moan if he doesn’t win next year? Probably…but fuck him today, because Three 6 Mafia is on top of the world.

As much as we want to hate on them, those niggas got themselves an Oscar. In the famous words of Jon Stewart:

“Martin Scorcese zero Oscar’s, Three 6 Mafia…one!”

Collar’s were popped, clubs were torn up, spinners were rode, two-ways were exchanged with freaks, and sizzurp was sipped.

And George Clooney got bigged up.

“You leave you’re Oscar ’round me, bitch you’re Oscar gonna get snatched up…”

Good damn job.

Actually it’s more than white. It has blue and pink stripes in it as well, but you get the picture.

Every February, we celebrate Black History Month. And like clockwork, every February 2nd I forget it’s Black History Month. Is it me or does it seem like the further you get from a mandated public education, the further from the radar Black History Month becomes? I don’t even get annoying e-mails telling me things like:

“On this day in 1873, Cleophas Lincoln invented the first spinning rims for a horsedrawn buggy. They consisted of 18 extra wooden poles that would start spinning when the buggy reached speeds of over 8 miles per hour. He is also credited with being the first person to introduce the term ‘no homo” to modern society. Upon returning back from a trip to the NYC Annual Horsedrawn Buggy convention, he found that somebody had burned down his home. Visibly distraught, a passerby asked him what was wrong and he responded, ‘No home…Oooooooooh!’ A phrase was born. Black History Month…American History in Color.”

And of course, none of that up there has anything to do with what I’m writing about.

How many people, who are gainfully employed and reading this, work primarily with white people?

Go ahead, you can raise your hand. You are not alone.

Michael Jackson is with you.

I’d be willing to bet money that a good 90 percent of people who work in a place that has a speedy internet connection work mostly with white people.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Oh yeah, you can put your hands down now.

On second thought, if you really wanna party with me…put your hands where my eyes can see!!!

Speaking of Busta Rhymes (only quickly), isn’t a shame that amidst the whole ignoramously ignorant “Stop Snitchin’” campaign, a rapper got pulled into it and actually had to make a conscious decision to keep quiet or risk the wrath of Jim Jones and other misguided fuckboys and niggas who feel that despite his longtime FRIEND being murdered and given that chances are he saw who shot him, he should STILL keep quiet because snitching is wrong?? It’s almost like we WANT more criminals in our neighborhoods.

You know despite all the success and home loans I’m eligible for, being black sure does suck sometimes.

Hmm…that is both a t-shirt AND a joke waiting to happen.

Back to the lecture at hand. I work with numerous and gobs of white people. This poses no major issues at all. In fact, I really don’t mind, care, or give a shit. However, I tend to hear some strange conversations from time to time, and I am definitely inclined to believe that white people do feel like all black people look alike. Well, the other day, a strange, but interesting conversation was brought to me by a co-worker.

Across from my place of employment is a gym that everybody who works here gets a discounted membership too. Lots of people go during work hours. Hell, more people NEED to go. I work for the government. There are a lot of fat, balding white men and a lot of out of shape people with tattoes that say things like, “Anarchy” walking around. No, working out won’t help the tattoes. I just felt like sharing.

I myself am a non-going member. Well, one of the fellows that works with me who goes to work there has taken issue with the music that gets played. It would seem that they play rap music non-stop. He’s entitled to his opinion and frankly I can only take but so much Lil Jon all day. He did admit that the music gets him pumped. He also said he thinks its mostly violent and angry. Like Guns ‘N Roses except sung by black people.

Of course, he doesn’t actually LISTEN to any of the words (once again, I got him to admit that as well), but he just gets that feeling. He said he hears a lot of words like “shut up” and shit in the music. I assume they played a Trick Daddy song. Who knows.

And then he said something strange to me.

Let me replay the conversation for you.

Co-Worker: It just seems like a lot of the music is just violent and angry and not positive.

Pencil-Pushing Panama: Well, it’s not all of it. It might just be what you’re hearing in there. Some of the more popular, energy driven rap.

Co-Worker: Maybe. I’d just rather listen to something like, I don’t know, Journey. But I don’t want to go ask them to play it. I just don’t want to hear all that negative stuff all the time. The rap music seems so negative. I don’t think you listen to rap.

PP Panama: Really? Why not?

Co-Worker: It just seems negative and I don’t think you’d be into that negative the rap music.

PP Panama: WHAT????????????

CW: I said I don’t think you’d be into the rap music.

PP Panama: WHAT????????????????/!!

CW: I SAID I don’t think…aww forget it.

PP Panama: OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Now get out.

Okay, the last Lil Jon induced half of that convo didn’t really happen. I embellished a little.

But that struck me as odd because my co-worker, who apparently doesn’t view me to be a negative person, since I work with him and all, would assume that I wouldn’t listen to “the rap” music. Probably because he deems it to be something negative.

Interesting.

Now, granted, he’s aware that I listen to everything from the Beach Boys to Sinatra to The Jackson 5. We’ve had all of these talks around the office with most of the older people being surprised how much I know about “their” music. But he also randomly asks me if I have any Frankie Vallie (sp?) albums. Other things he knows about me?

I’m 26 and a young black man who lives in a black neighborhood around black people.

And he’s also made reference to “the rap” music before and how he hears it blasting from windows in the summer in his Virignia suburb from cars being driven primarily by black dudes. We have some very candid conversations, me and this particular co-worker. He’s a good dude.

But me, the good black dude probably doesn’t listen to rap music, because rap music is negative. And I wonder how many white people might actually make that assumption. Since you work with me, and you aren’t a negative (black) person, and since all rap is negative, you wouldn’t listen to it.

And don’t get it fucked up, they assume that black people equals rap music. Just not the “good” ones.

Which further proves the point that a majority of mainstream (read: white) America feels like rap is just downright flith-flarn-filth, through and through.

[***DISCLAIMER: I'm not saying that ALL white people think like this. I'm well aware that many white people don't hold this view. I'm also aware that it's many YOUNGER white people who don't hold this view. Quite scary actually...cuz we could see a shift where white people know more about rap than many of us do. Oh wait...too late. ***]

Clearly I’m not re-inventing the wheel here, as this is a thought that has probably crossed many folks mind, but it just seems funny to me that because I work with white people, to them, rap music must not be my brand of Vodka since its the downfall of society. I’m not contributing to the downfall since I have a good job, therefore, they view me differently.

[***Sidenote: It isn't all of them though. Some of these fuckers up in here look at me sideways. So I return the favor. I actually love it though. You can give me a good job, but they make it so that you never forget where you are. Of course, some people are just assholes in general, but still, I chose to make it a black white thing. I can do that. I'm me. ***]

I wonder what they’d think if they saw me after work when I look like the regular black folks my age, sans the long ass feminine white shirts, fake jewelry, and urban apparel that I hate so much.

Maybe I’ll start blasting Lil Jon in the office or throw on a little 50 Cent just to show them. Or maybe, I just don’t care. I know why he thinks what he thinks, and I know its rooted in the same ignorant shit that lots of white people, including my mother feels, about rap and our whole hip-hop culture.

And they’re wrong.

And don’t care.

As long as I work here, I’m not a regular black man, I’m me…the one that works here. Well, at least until I rob somebody and they see me on the news and I get taken to prison and all types of bad things happen to me because I’m light-skinnededed and sexxy. No brokeback.

I’ll bet he’d think I was listening to rap then.

Until then, it’s time to rev up The Beatles.

(You can’t see it, but one of Prodigy’s tattoes says, “50 Cent Was Here”)

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I stole into my older sister’s room while she wasn’t home and helped myself to a few of the tapes that were sitting on her dresser. I took them upstairs to record them like I always did.

I popped one tape in.

It changed my life.

(Well not really, but when writing like this, it is often important to exhibit life-altering moments for dramatic effect I suppose.)

The brashness, the audacity, and gotdamn…the beats. I had never heard anything like it. Every beat was good and welcomed me into a world I knew nothing about but left me yearning for more.

(See? More dramatic totally flufftastic ass bullshit. However, by writing like this, it makes me seem like one of those folks who attempst to connect with his audience through vivid imagery. Please…follow along.)

It was NWA’s EFIL4ZAGGIN. That was in 1991. Fifteen years later, it is still one of my two favorite rap albums, along with De La Soul’s de la soul is dead.

Up to that point, I had been listening to rap sporadically, but I was 12, lived in Germany, and didn’t have cable. My rap was limited to videos our families would mail us from the US of VideoSoul and Rap City. That means I didn’t know shit.

[***Sidenote: In Germany, there was one English language channel that wasn't on cable, AFN. The Armed Forces Network. If it didn't come on AFN, more than likely, we weren't watching it. And that goes for most military brats overseas. You watched the shows the military wanted you to see, down to the cartoons. The one good thing was that there were no commercials. Needless to say, we depended on our family and friends to make sure we even knew what year it was in the states. ***]

My first real introduction to rap was through NWA and it helped to shape my preferences early. I was never that into New York rap. I liked certain folks like Nas and Jay, but I’d take some of that West Coast, DJ Quik/NWA/Dr. Dre/Ice Cube over most of it anyday. It was more laid back, kill you quick so I can party, type shit. I appreciated the “get to the point” storytelling. Plus, I didn’t care so much about lyrical content (though Cube was really spitting some shit back then…now, he sounds like a brillo pad), it was more about the beats to me. It still is today. That doesn’t mean I’ll listen to any craptastic rapper over a hot beat. Not at all. What it does mean is that if the beat doesn’t catch me, I won’t listen at all.

Now, there was a point where I started to get more into the New York foundation rap shit. When I moved back to the states, the South was coming into its own via Outkast, which was good, I was in the South. But New York was at its high point. I started getting involved, from Pete Rock and CL Smooth [my favorite rap song ever is "They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)"] to Nas to Mobb Deep to OC to LL Cool J, etc. I was never a big Mobb Deep fan at first, but that was before I fully listened to The Infamous.

My goodness gracious that album bangs. One of my favorite beats ever is “Trife Life”. That shit is so gangsta its crazy. And who can deny the gangsta of “Shook Ones Pt. II” or “Survival of The Fittest”. It’s a classic album. Hell, so is Hell On Earth. Mobb Deep made me fans for real. And I appreciate them for that.

Which is why it pains me so to witness the gay ass antics they are exhibiting lately.

Good fuckin’ Satan.

It’s bad enough that I have to hear about them signing to G-Unit, ESPECIALLY after 50 Cent clearly clowned them on his diss track “Piggy Bank”. When speaking to Jadakiss, he says, “…i’ll clown your little ass like Jay did Mobb Deep…”

Apparently, that little shot wasn’t enough to stop them from doing business. That’s fine. But Prodigy has really been making it difficult to remain a fan. I almost think he has a mancrush on 50. During interviews he never fails to mention that he will do whatever 50 says he can do. Yeah, they’re gonna keep creating the murda music we love them for, but they won’t do anything that 50 has a problem with. And for the record, most of the dicksuckery comes from Prodigy. Havoc hasn’t been as bad.

Well, it would seem that 50 has decided to return the manlove to Mobb Deep. In what had to be the hardest article to write without mentioning the homoerotic undertones, MTV scribes inform us that:

Mobb Deep, 50 Cent Get Tattoes To Prove Their Loyalties

“The Mobb Deep and G-Unit alliance seems to go deeper than just business ��� a true kinship and pledge of loyalty have been forged. Prodigy has the words “G-Unit” tattooed on his right hand and 50 has “Mobb Deep” tatted on his wrist. Fif also gave both Mobb members new Porsches when the ink dried on their contracts. The two sides knew right off the bat that things would work.”

How much do you want to bet that Havoc had to talk Prodigy out of getting 50 tattooed on his right hand???

I can ALMOST understand getting a G-Unit tattoo except that it’s so permanent. And we all know that 50 can drop a nigga in a heartbeat. And I’m sure that Lloyd Banks and Yayo have G-Unit tattoes, but they’ve been down since day one. It just seems risky knowing 50’s track record of wilingness to air out anybody who doesn’t have his back 135 percent. Though I guess Prodigy’s blatant willingness to bend over backwards for his newfound friend (pun intended) does indicate that he’s there for the long haul.

However, 50 Cent getting Mobb Deep tattered on his wrist? Well that’s just gay. I guess the t-shirts weren’t enough…he just had to have the M-O-B-B on his body too. If that isn’t manlove, I don’t know what is.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I wonder how many of their diehard fans are going to be able to look past the uber-dicksuckery Prodigy has been exhibiting and objectively remain fans. I can’t look past it at all. I damn near hate them now. You don’t see M.O.P. running around acting little bitches. They have their dignity thank goodness. But the Mobb? Shit, what does Big Noyd think about all of this? Hell, what does Queensbridge think??

I’ll always be able to fall back on The Infamous or Hell On Earth or Murda Muzik, and I let that uber-cornball ass 112 collabo ride…

…but this overly zealous 50-riding is really testing my ability to take them seriously. There is a whole new level of cockiness they are exhibiting. It’s almost like they feel 50 has made them valid.

I hope they prove me wrong because I’m a fan, but somehow…I’m afraid. Or better yet…

…they got me shook.

(Dude…was that not THE corniest ending line like fuckin’ EVER???)