I was reading an article on vh1 a few weeks back regarding T.I. and his whole army-guns problem and in this article Wyclef Jean made a statement akin to this:

“The way people listen and respond to T.I. when he talks is like Malcolm X…”

Yeah. Okay.

I’d like to call on a moratorium in the Black community on anybody saying that anybody is like Malcolm X. Funny how nobody ever claims somebody is like Martin. The only person to do that said that he, himself, was like Martin. And that was Benzino.

Yeah, that Benzino.

But you know what? I’m bored. What the hell, let’s run with T.I. being like Malcolm. Let’s see if we can figure out ways they are a alike, k?

Let’s see. Ah, Malcolm X went to jail. So did T.I. Malcolm X became an orator and person of immense influence and respect. Well, T.I. has kind of got that. I mean he ain’t speaking nothing that’s going to get him on the government radar…

…unless you count the taped conversations being used against him in his whole “I’ve got guns to take out North Korea” small problem.

Oh…both of them managed to wake up in the morning. Well, until Malcolms untimely death in 1965. Yeah, I’m kind of reaching with that one but then again so was Wyclef by even making any kind of reference to Malcolm X in regards to T.I. Look, T.I. doesn’t move mountains or make me want to do anything more than listen to his music. Even after his last ass-sandwich of an album, I’ll still listen. Though at this point I’m not sure why.

Of course, by the time T.I. gets out of jail, he’ll be too old to matter anymore. Though Jay has managed to still be relevant despite being 37 years of age.

LL Cool J? Not so much. Even his high-heeled fans don’t care about him anymore.

In my humble opinion, the last real rapper of any significance to mirror Malcolm was Ice Cube. And that shit went clean out the window by the time Lethal Injection came around. AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted and Death Certificate Cube? Hell yeah. Even I was afraid of Ice Cube back then. He really seemed like the angriest nigga alive and more dangerously, the most awake nigga alive too. Shit, I wanted to be Ice Cube like so many folks want to be Malcolm X.

Except nobody is Malcolm. ESPECIALLY not no dumb nigga like T.I. And yes, hoarding guns is DUMB when there’s a chance you can go to jail for it. Further, why the fuck do you have military assault weaponry? I mean, being an ATLien, and similarly a Westsider, I understand how folks get down on our side of town. But damn, a .45 will do just as well. Got damn Calicos and rocket launchers are just unnecessary.

I mean really. Where the hell do you put shit like that anyway? Hammer pants are out of style so you can’t hid the Calico in those. Maybe some gauchos. Yeah, I can see that.

These loose ass analogies we make to legends in the Black community are just terrible. Further, they’re like one man deep. When was the last time you heard a nigga get referenced to W.E.B. Du Bois? Shit, when was the last time you met somebody who didn’t go to college who knew who he was? Or A. Phillip Randolph.

Niggas know Project Pat though. Damn shame, too. Though I don’t like reading The Souls of Black Folks either. Makes for a hell of an album title though, dontchathink?

As you can tell, I really had no purpose other than to say: Wyclef must have lost his rabid ass mind thinking that motherfucking T.I. even compares to Malcolm X aside from the fact that both of them niggas are ya know, Black.

And also, sadatay.

Thank you and good night.

And the church said…

DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! JAMES!!!!!!!!!

T.I.

What. The. Fuck?

Look, I don’t care if the hip-hop police are out there or not trappin’ niggas left and right trying to take a brotha down. As a convicted felon, you need to be smarter than that shit, right?

For those that don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what’s going on in rap music, everybody’s favorite trapper, T.I. got busted on Saturday after his bodyguard-turned-informant basically handed his ass over to ATF on a count of buying .9mm automatic machine guns and silencers.

Feel free to go to CNN.com. It’s front page news. On CNN.

And then can go to vh1.com to read an entire account of what happened.

What are silencers? Glad you asked. According to taped conversations, T.I. provies the answer. You see when you fire a gun, sometimes it makes a loud noise and there is a flash of fire. So, T.I….what is a silencer?

“No flash, no bang.”

I’m SO getting that put on a T-shirt the same day I get my t-shirt that says, “I got good credit”.

Free T.I.

Those are the NEXT hood shirts coming to a ghetto near you.

And he had guns in the house…in a safe…in his bedroom. Loaded automatic weapons. And he’s a convicted felon. As my homegirl Liz just stated, “T.I. is the posterboy for when keeping it real goes wrong.” And boy is that shit ever true. I honestly don’t understand this situation at all. Whether or not he was being targeted is unimportant. And do you know why? I’ll tell you why…

…he’s supposed to ASSUME he is. I guess Tip forgot to reiterate to T.I. the rules of the game.

Rule #1: If you are a convicted motherfucking felon…HIDE YOUR SHIT.

And according to the 10 Crack Commandments courtesy of the Notorious B.I.G.:

Rule #3: Never trust nobody, your mom’s’ll set that ass up properly gassed up.

His bodyguard sent him up shit’s creek. That nigga flipped like the little Chinaman in Ocean’s 11, 12, and 13.

You know, I feel bad for T.I. (kind of). You’d think the nigga had his shit together or was at least well on his way to getting all of his shit together. But the fact that he had numerous automatic weapons and was out buying more just reeks of a dude who can’t let shit go. Michael Vick just got fucked the fuck up behind his niggas snitching on him and now T.I. is going down behind something like this.

First, Prodigy of Mobb Deep gets 3 and a half years in the bing. And now T.I. is well on his way to the jail house in the Feds. Not Fulton County. Federal pen. Sure when he comes out he’ll have even MORE credibility but short of his lawyers being able to pull off the entrapment defense, he might be gone for a dime or more. And by the time he gets out nobody will care anymore.

I hope this shit works out for him in the end mostly because we don’t need anymore Black men in jail, but got damn, when niggas do dumb shit, we really go the extra mile.

If we could only show that kind of dedication in education…

Free T.I.

And I’m not talking about his debut album’s sales totals either. Besides that was like 2006 or some shit.

As of now, most people are aware of Lupe Fiasco’s flub at the vh1 Hip Hop Honors tribute to A Tribe Called Quest (ATCQ) on Monday night. He fucked up the words to “Electric Relaxation”, one of Tribe’s landmark and most famous songs. The song comes from Tribe’s album Midnight Marauders, which is one of my favorite hip-hop albums ever. I wrote about it a long time ago but I’m too lazy to link to the post. Sue me.

(Incidentally Lupe plans on suing Vibe magazine for defamation of character for their flub of semi-fanning the flames by using a little bit of time-line trickery by printing an interview with Lupe done before the Hip-Honors show that seems way fucked up when read AFTER the Hip-Hop Honors show.)

Courtesy of vh1, here’s a link to the all of the events that have occured under Fiascogate. (Click the link)

My opinion on this whole affair is kind of two fold. Lupe fucked up some lines to a rap song, big fucking deal. I think the part that’s fucked up is his approach to discussing why he fucked up. For one, he probably shouldn’t have engaged anybody in this debate but he did and came off like a dick. Luckily, I wasn’t a fan of his anyway but whereas his previous lack of interest in ATCQ and their catalog was kind of a non-starter his now stubborn stance on his intention to never listen to it in its entirety or even care that it is a landmark album is kind off-putting. Phonte from Little Brother (whose response I largely agree with) got one thing right; Lupe is definitely benefitting from being placed in the same vein as folks like ATCQ.

Interestingly enough, I wouldn’t put him there myself. Sure, he’s a “positive” rapper–a term I loathe, by the way–but I’ve never felt he was Tribe-esque. He was just not 50 Cent or Young Jeezy in the way that ATCQ and De La Soul and the whole Native Tongues weren’t NWA or Spice 1 or Ice T or King Tee for that matter. Granted, on The Low End Theory, Tribe did take on some social commentary and subject matter, but on Midnight Marauders, not so much. So it’s kind of a what-you-are-because-of-what-you’re-not kind of deal in my mind.

But Lupe’s become the guy-du-jour. For fuck’s sake, he was one of GQ’s men of the year or some shit, and for no good reason mind you. His album (executive produced by Jay-Z) was alright but it didn’t change anything. More people were talking about Lupe because of his deviation than for his artistry. Which is more a sad testament to us than it is to the greatness that is Lupe. He’s so different and he wears colorful clothes and tight-pants and likes cartoons. He’s a hip-hop nerd. Truthfully, if Pharrell hadn’t saddled up to him so that they could be hip-hop nerds together, my guess is that there’d be some uber-gay pocket-protector Trapper Keeper beatdowns between them (musically of course) with Kanye officiating in a pink Polo and Cole Haan loafers.

And at least Pharrell doesn’t claim to be a skateboarder like Lupe does…and he isn’t.

One of Lupe’s defenses during this whole “scandal” (if we must put a term on it) is that he didn’t grow up on ATCQ but on Spice 1, NWA, and Eightball and MJG. Hmm, me too. NWA is my favorite group of all time and similarly, De La Soul’s album, de la soul is dead is my favorite album of all time. But I listened to all that same shit Lupe was listening to so I have to wonder how the fuck he glossed over Tribe. Granted, I wasn’t the biggest Tribe fan until later. But when I did start paying attention I was stuck. Midnight Marauders is one of those albums I can take with me anywhere and will buy the second I think I lost it. Who cares if I find it later, I lost it then. And I have to have that album. It’s part of me.

It’s also one of the albums that makes its way everywhere and everybody knows and respects. Nobody says that it isn’t worth listening to. So why not pick it up Lupe? At this point, he ain’t listening to make a point. Which is a stupid point. In the Kay Slay interview, when Mr. Drama King himself asked him if he had listened to it or if he planned on it, Lupe responded with, “no, I haven’t listened to it yet. I’ve been busy with my album.”

That’s the second stupidest shit I might have ever heard in my life. The first?

Any of George Bush’s speeches from 2001-?

Anybody who knows about the music making process knows that you listen to all types of shit when making music. It’s called inspiration. Also, the fuckin’ album doesn’t even clock in at longer than an hour. The nigga’s from Chicago. He could pop it in while he’s sitting in traffic and finish it by the time he got to a Harold’s from O’Hare.

There’s another thing that gets lost on me in regards to this whole debacle and that hasn’t been mentioned.

He had to get lyrics to TWO songs in a tribute. “Electric Relaxation” and “Scenario”. And he didn’t have to do Busta’s part since Busta did his own part on “Scenario”. I’m a Tribe fan, but they weren’t exactly kicking physics or being overly complicated with rhyme patterns or anything. A sampling:

“by the way my name’s Malik, the 5 foot freak//let’s say we get together by the end of th week” ~ Phife Dawg, “Electric Relaxation”

Hell, you can take two hours and memorize a good four songs on that album since the verses ain’t exactly difficult. Do niggas mess up lyrics? Sure, I was at an Outkast show in Atlanta where Andre 3000 fucked up his own verse. Hell did you see Kanye fuck up his verse on “Everything I Am” on Saturday Night Live? It happens.

However, all he had to do was memorize a damn verse and spend time reciting it for a TRIBUTE. All he had to do was focus on that shit because it’s a tribute. ONE verse. Kanye fucking up is kind of endearing. Hell, he’s human and he shows us all the time through his arrogance, pride, and passion. But this was a tribute show to ATCQ. The least you could do was not fuck that up. In fact, the only difficult part of “Electric Relaxation” is the damn part in the hook where the voiceover says “Relax Yourself and some shit that even 15+ years later I have no clue what’s being said”.

Lupe fucked up. He shouldn’t have and he could have nailed it but he didn’t. However, his uberfucking studity in the way he’s handled it is what made it a problem.

“I’m not backpack rap,” says Lupe. Okay, nigga. Whether you are or not, ATCQ and specifically Midnight Maruaders is just one of those groups that everybody who’s really into the art behind hip-hop know. How can you not? It’s arrogant to so adamantly deny yourself an album because “that ain’t you”.

Who cares what you grew up on? Who says you can’t expand your horizons? Most of us interested in music do at some point. Tribe isn’t obscure and they had 3 platinum albums in pre-Master P/Puffy dominated rap world. And how the fuck are you going to be so big-up in respecting Tip and his musical legacy if you don’t actually know what the fuck it is that everybody seems to respect so much?

In short, Lupe’s an idiot.

Thank you and goodnight.

PS - Who in the Blue Fuck thought Missy deserved to be honored?

I’ve long contended that Starbucks is the “man” that everybody claims is holding them back. I might have been slightly premature in my judgement as Apple and Steve Jobs just might be up making a strong case for that title.

And lo and behold, Apple and Starbucks work together. The fuckers.

Well, my love for Apple and iTunes in particular is a problem. Albums that I can’t find in stores or that I have to order from Japan are available so of course, I cop them spending my hard earned government dollars on them. Techonology at your fingertips is a dangerous dangerous thing.

Something I tend to do on occasion is read the reviews of albums that ordinary people like you and John Legend write on various albums. They range from stupid to pretty damn spot on and “professional”. Which brings me to the reviews written about Soulja Boy’s latest offering to the hip-hop canon, souljaboytellem.com.

You all know who Souljaboy is. He has the song “Souljaboy (Crank That)” and unless you’ve been living under a rock or sleeping with the enemy, you’ve heard it. A million times over. You’ve probably tried to do the dance until you realized it takes hours of practice and quite frankly you’re a grown ass man so why in the hell would you be spending hours of your grown ass man time practicing a dance made popular by a kid who’s t-shirt is 36 (chambers) sizes to big for him who doesn’t even do his own dance in his own video and who came up with a dance called the Roosevelt which is in no way related to either of the two presidents with that last name or anybody named Rose Svelt.

Also, is it just me or is this nigga not the most unintelligble motherfucker on the planet. Seriously, as an ATLien, even I can’t understand 90 percent of what he’s saying and I’ve been a translator for people who come to Atlanta. Perhaps I’ve been in DC too long but gotdamn. Somebody get that man a Hooked on Phonics book. STAT. Dude sounds like he ate Detroit.

Word to Rich Boy.

Now, I haven’t actually listened to the album and have no intention of doing so. His first song, though fun to listen to and dance to in the club, has left me with no desire whatsoever of listening to anything he may ever offer up of my own volition. Nope, if it comes on in the club then so be it. I’m held hostage to the confines of Sodom and Gomorrah’s offspring. However, I just might be alone seeing as no less than 400 people have written reviews of this man’s album on iTunes.

That means they listened to it. To the surprise of nobody but possibly Souljaboy himself, the reviews were largely terrible. There were quite a few people ( I actually read through the reviews) who seemed amazed that this is what passes for hip-hop today. A lot of the standard responses.

And to those people I ask:

Da fuck is wrong with you?

Were you REALLY listening to Souljaboy to find that good shit? Are you the same idiots who bought D4L (remember them?) and expected a musical smorgasbord of social commentary over luscious instrumentals that beckoned your emotional core…and got “Laffy Taffy” and “Betcha Can’t Do It Like Me” which required the musical talent of a 2-year old?

In fact, I’m slightly convinced (though I can’t prove it) that the producer of “Betcha Can’t Do It Like Me” stole the idea for the songs main riff from a child who was playing with his “My First Keyboard” toy from Toys ‘R Us (probably the online store since real stores suck balls).

Anybody who listens to Souljaboy and is disappointed needs to do us all a favor.

Kill yourself.

I can’t believe that people not only took the time to listen and be disappointed (at what? what gave you expectations) but to be disappointed enough to actually write a review asking for a rating system that allowed the user to award less than one star. Idiots.

I found myself laughing constantly at the reviews of bitter and disappointed fans or “fans” though I have to say I think that anybody who actually took the time to listen to Souljaboy’s album probably doesn’t really listen to rap anyway and more or less listens to the radio for all of their aural lessons in music. I ain’t judging. Do you.

However, I’m sticking up for Souljaboy on this one. What gives you fuckers the right to be disappointed by a nigga who wasn’t trying to give you expectations in the first place?! That’s just not fair. If anything, you should appreciate an artist who aspires to low expectations and provides you the kind of shit that you don’t have to actually listen to in order to appreciate it. The joy of artists like Souljaboy is that they don’t require you to think or posit any type of real emotion.

No, they just ask you to be present. And in this world of fatherless babies and single-mothers, isn’t being present all we should ask for? Why think when you can just stare into the stars courtesy of artists like Souljaboy. Sure you might get a little bit dumber but education is overrated anyway.

What gives you the right to think his album is bad when the only songs you have from him weren’t good in the conventional sense in the first place? Shame on you. It’s not like you were listening for depth. You can barely understand him. But there you fuckers go levying your own insecurities on a boy (he’s just a boy) who’s decided to make music that just requires you to be breathing.

Souljaboy is for the people. He doesn’t get deep so you don’t have to think. And that’s what the people want.

Souljaboy loves the kids. Because he is one.

And being “one” is hip-hop.

So you go Souljaboy. I might not listen to your album–ever–but I support your cause.

Now watch me YUUULLLLL, Souljaboy.

Watch me YULLLLLLL.

One of my favorite lines ever uttered in rap music is:

“…and even after all my logic and my theory, I add a motherfucker so you ignant niggas hear me…” ~Lauryn Hill

I love that line. Strangely, it’s the concise, succint written explanation of how I like to live my life. I didn’t realize it at the time that album was released that my life was going to follow that ideology but lo and behold, that’s it.

And the album?

The Fugees The Score of course, which was released in February of 1996 and some 18 million albums sold later cemented Wyclef Jean, Lauryn “L-Boogie” Hill, and to a much much much lesser extent Pras Michel as musical, not just hip-hop, heavyweights. Then in 1998, Lauryn Hill released the critically lauded, Grammy winning, women-loving album of the decade, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I’ll admit to not loving it as much as everybody else does but it is without a doubt a great damn album.

Lauryn Hill was on top of the world. Hell, she was the world. She was woman. She roared. Probably even growled too.

Grr.

I can’t think of a man alive who didn’t want to jump her bones. Quite honestly, in my mind, at that point in time (circa 1997-1999), Lauryn Hill was the epitome of woman. I wanted a woman like Lauryn Hill. I remember meeting her at North Dekalb Mall in Atlanta while she was signing copies of Miseducation… If ever there was a picture of beauty, it was her at that moment.

Apparently Rohan Marley saw the same thing every other man saw because he snatched her up like a thief in the night. And I’m not completely mad about it. He’s a Marley. He’s got lineage. I’ve got lint. The battle in my mind for Lauryn didn’t actually exist in the real world.

Then WHAM!

The world according to Lauryn went Black. She started pushing out kids and making controversial comments (to the Pope no less) and became sort of a recluse. She released a confusing few sets of music that introduced us to an insecure and distraught woman. It’s even rumored that over time she required people to call her Ms. Hill in her presence to include motherfucking Wyclef and Pras. If that’s true, she needs the holy shit Batman slapped out of her.

Lauryn Hill was the top and then she fell off. Hard. And this begs the question to me. As far as the most tragic falls from grace and the hearts of men have gone, Lauryn Hill might ace numero uno. And its especially tragic because Lauryn didn’t have a ceiling. Lauryn Hill could have turned into Madonna. Shit…and it almost pains me to say this, but Beyonce is what Lauryn Hill was going to be, except you know, the version of Beyonce that’s secretly a scholar quoting Nietsche and showing up to interviews with a personality.

[***SIDENOTE: I think I just realized something. I think that Erykah Badu is the mid-point between Beyonce and Lauryn Hill. Think about it (deep right?). Erykah Badu can be just as ghetto as anybody else but she's also dropping pure gems on that ass. She's an entertainer to the highest degree who straddles the line between the deep crowd and the chicks who have gold teeth with their babby-daddy's name on each toof. Hell, Erykah has gold fronts. I heart her. I can't completely divulge it right now, but just know that I'm making possibly one of the biggest sacrifices of my life in a few weeks and Erykah Badu comes heavily into play. I've considered suicide. ***]

She went from being the quintessential woman to being a confused mother of four with baby daddy issues like you ain’t neva seend. And dammit she just kept having kids. Think about people who have fallen off in the world of urban music. Hmm…seems I have to remove the talent part here because there haven’t been too many artists with as much talent as she has.

The only person I can really think of is…gulp…

MC Hammer.

Do you realize that nigga was doing infomercials about credit repair? CREDIT REPAIR?! If you can’t see the irony and comedy in that then you’re probably dead. And if you’re not…

…go kill yourself.

Lauryn’s talent level and ability was recognized by everybody. All races. Everybody loved her and then she lost it. Perhaps its the pressure of success or the pressures of talent. Maybe she just lost favor with the music industry as a whole. I can relate. I mean, I’ve shelved my own album for years now and I know the streets are waiting.

Ahem.

It’s funny though. Lauryn Hill is still a name that people love and respect. I think more people got worried about her as a person which is a testament to how many lives she’s touched.

You know, D’Angelo would be giving her a run for her money right now except he released Voodoo. But shit, niggas have been waiting for a new D’Angelo album for years. Though he has a few court appearances, drug cases, and car insurance apps to fill out so we could be waiting for a while.

At least other artists from days of yore had the gall to just die to preserve the legacy. And be clear, I don’t want Lauryn Hill to pass…

…I’d just like somebody to slap the shit out of the motherfucker who miseducated her ass. But for now, I still have the Fugees album and I still have the Miseducation and I still have my favorite line that helped to define my existence on this planet.

Motherfucker.

[***By the way, for my DC people, get your ass out to LIV Nightclub tonight (2001 11th Street, NW-corner of 11th and U Streets, NW-for the Stock13 Christmas party and coat/blanket drive. Come party with the Mr. Oh So Sexxy (that's me) from 10pm-2am. RSVP on the site BEFORE 5PM for free admission before 11pm. Free Moet until we run out. Yeah, I said FREE. It's a Christmas party. I'm rocking a Santa hat and a bandana...how gangsta is that? ***]

Young Jeezy, whose sophomore album The Inspiration: Thug Motivation 102 was released on last Tuesday, sold 352,000 units according to Soundscan.

I’m sorry, I think everybody needs a moment to digest what just happened here.

Nas would say, “Can I please have a moment of silence…for hip-hop?”

I say, fuckin’ wow. Hell, he doesn’t even have a #1 song out right now, as his single, “I Luv It” is just in the top 30 on the popular and r&b/rap charts.

And his single actually isn’t any good. So do you realize what this means? For life, the future, and the kids???

It means that people actually LIKE Young Jeezy. It also means that nobody gives a shit that he sucks as a rapper–people actually LIKE him as a person. That is the only way a nigga with a lackluster ass single that can’t rap manages to outsell everybody. And get it right (two step and let your shoulder lean)…352K in today’s climate is doing big shit.

The biggest rap openings to date this year are Jay-Z (680K), T.I. (521K), and the Game (358K). Those rappers are all “superstar” rappers. Hell, Young Jeezy only sold like 170K on his first album.

He doubled up on that ass. In fact, he did that Heizman on dat ho on everybody that thought he wasn’t about to do big numbers.

Stop.

Have you heard the magnanimous ass sandwich that is my new favorite song by Da Heizman Boiz? It’s called, “Do Dat Heizman On Dat Ho”. Please, go visit their MySpace page…trust me it’s well worth it. I’m just itching for the chance to do dat heizman on some ho that’s trippin.

Shawty fine, breath stank? Do dat heizman on dat ho!!!! Breath stank, no bank? Do dat heizman on dat ho!!!!

And guess what? These niggas are college students. Like real ones. At my mother’s alma mater, Albany State University, to boot. Yes, I will be dining out on that one for months. Stange enough, there’s a serious push lately for college students to make headways in the Southern rap industry. I suppose all the dumb niggas that want to rap have already released albums. For instance, the artist responsible for what may be my second favorite single of the year, behind only T.I.’s “What You Know”, went to Tuskegee University and was an engineering student who dropped out to work on music.

The artist? Rich Boy of “Throw Some D’s” fame.

And yes, I’ve been throwing D’s on bitches (just bought a Cadillac) for the past few month.

Speaking of further ignorance, and since I’ve already tangentialized my tangent, the Saturday Night Live Skit with Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake, “Dick In A Box” might be the funniest shit I’ve seen in years. Literally. As in, for real for real.

One, cut a whole in that box. Two, put your junk in that boooooox. Three, make her open that box. That’s the way you do it!

It’s my dick in a box!

(You’d better watch it quick because NBC is doing dat heizman on dem hoes that posted this shit without their permission!)

Greatness isn’t accidental, it’s premeditated. And whoever wrote “Dick In A Box” is a great great man. My idol, inspiration, and hero. That’s the kind of ignorance I want to be responsible for when it’s all said and done.

Between “Do Dat Heizman On Dat Ho” and “Dick In A Box” (and I’m not sure which song I like more) and Young Jeezy selling like hotcakes, in the world of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises, ignorance is having the best. week. ever.

What was my original point? Oh yes, that Young Jeezy managed to do the unthinkable-completely market himself and finagle that into first week record sales success, which in the world of commercial hip-hop, is of utmost importance.

And oh yes, Jeezy is also responsible for what may be my favorite absofuckinlutely stupid line of the year, “my money’s so sick, I think I need to see a doctor” from the T.I. “Top Back” remix featuring Young Dro, B.G., Young Jeezy, and one of the Pimp Squad Clique rappers.

Classic stupid shit indeed.

This post got real random real quick. So let’s continue, shall we?

Because of Nas’ damn Hip-Hop Is Dead album, I’ve found myself defending the Ying Yang Twins a lot more lately. Go figure. I honestly think that “Wait (The Whisper Song)” was one of the most innovative songs to come out in like a decade and I don’t think people respect what they managed to pull off. And since I’m already insulting a lot of you reading motherfuckers, I’d like to add that Hip Hop Is Dead is not only a lie, it’s not a very good album either.

Yeah, I said it. The only reason I haven’t done a review of it yet is because that would require me to listen to it again. Not. Gonna. Happen. I’d rather listen to Blak Jak (I’m lying). Who’s Blak Jak? The artist responsible for that new hot shit, “Bobbin’ My Head”.

Dumb song, but I like it. It knocks. Like opportunity, bitch. Like opportunity.

And as a bonus for you all since you care, Fantasia sold 133K units and Tyrese sold 116K.

Hmm, let me put this entire Young Jeezy thing into perspective for you, mmkay?

Ciara, owner of what maybe the hottest single in the country (though it had to grow on me) and video (which I actually HATED at first), only sold about 320K her first week. And she’s selling to teenage girls who eat that type of shit up.

Young Jeezy outsold Ciara with a less good (you niggas bought Jeezy’s album so I can use whatever type of grammar I want from here on out) single and a less ubiquitous video.

And we all know that R&B money goes way further than rap money. Sure, 50 Cent owns an East-coast crib the size of a small hotel, but Babyface looks like he owns a state. And he hasn’t had a hit since Tupac died.

As you can see, I’m amazed at how many people actually just like Jeezy considering his lack of real talent. Apparently he’s figured out how to be a star. I can’t hate at all. In fact, all I can say is…

…I luv it.

I believe it was the great prophet and soothsayer, Big Daddy Kane, who uttered the now famous words:

“…stick a quarter in your ass cuz you played yourself…”

Deep.

Deep.

Those words are like a no smoking sign on your cigarette break or the free ride, when you’ve already paid. Some would say those things are ironic. Me, I say those things mean you don’t read. Usually there are signs up that let you know all the information that you need to know.

Myself and Ace of Base? We saw the signs.

Thus brings us to one Jay Jenkins, better known as Young Jeezy, your favorite trapper’s favorite trapper, from Atlanta, by way of Macon, Georgia.

Young Jeezy is an idiot. If you have any time, please listen to this interview he conducted with Monie Love on a Philadelphia radio station. It is well worth it.

Radio Interview with Young Jeezy and Monie Love [spotted via Nah Right]

In this interview, myriad things are discussed: Lil Wayne’s comments about Jay-Z, hip-hop being dead, international relations and diplomacy, global warming, Tolstoy and the novel Crime and Punishment.

Okay, only the first two things were actually discussed.

I could be showing my age here, but I’ll just attempt to show all of your ages too. How many people here know who Monie Love is?

*lots of raised hands*

Oooh, oooh, better question. Who here knows better than to get into an argument with a Black woman??

*everybody’s hand (all nationalities, races, creeds) should be raised*

Let’s discuss how you lose an argument, like an idiot.

Ever since Nas decided to name his album Hip-Hop Is Dead, the streets have been abuzz with people debating that theory. This was either a brilliant marketing ploy by Nas to get everybody talking about him or just dumb luck. Well, the Youngest of Jeezy’s gets roped into a conversation about hip hop being dead.

He disagrees. Fine. And truthfully, call me an elitist or whatever, but why anybody would debate with Jeezy about hip-hop being dead is beyond me. I mean this is the same dude who rhymes words like “John Madden” with…

…John Madden. Or my personal favorite line of his, “…speaking of pockets, mine got the mumps…”

Pure poetry right there, my friend. Pure poetry.

But Jeezy decides that this is an argument he wants because apparently he has some feelings about this whole hip-hop is dead quagmire that so many artists are facing today. You see, Jeezy, though having said he’s not a rapper but a hustler who raps, has taken this personally. Somehow, he feels like Nas has made a personal affront to him or other rappers of his ilk. Ego much? He doesn’t say it so much as its implied from his tone.

Or maybe Monie Love just got to him and he started talking reckless off the dome because he didn’t have time to think. Who knows…either way, Youngest of Jeezy’s…this is your life.

And this is how you lose an argument. Monie Love posits that the concept of hip-hop is dead since hip-hop, as it were, was more inclusive and just one area didn’t get shine (as is now with the crack-rap, drug dealer turned rapper, bling-bling, crap rap) as happens now.

Jeezy feels that hip-hop isn’t dead…its just a new day and time with a new movement. Rap is for the kids. Rap is here to sell records.

Wu-Tang is (also) for the kids.

But uh oh…Jeezy fucks it all up and starts down the wrong road by asking Monie where she’s from (which would be London). He seems to be asking as if that where she’s from would make her perspective of rap completely different.

Nevermind that this is Monie Love of Native Tongues fame. The same Monie Love who’s been rapping for years and years. In the United States. With cats from the same streets that Jeezy probably claims to respect.

Somehow, Jeezy interprets Nas saying hip-hop is dead, and Monie Love saying that hip-hop is dead as them saying that they don’t respect Jeezy’s craft. Umm…nobody said that.

Poor Jeezy, because then he goes the route that so many misguided youth go when they misunderstand or take things too personally regarding hip-hop. You see, Jeezy, in his defense of hip-hop (and his role in hip-hop) being alive goes straight for the worst two arguments in history:

1) (Nas’ first week) record sales; and

2) (Nas’) street credibility.

Two things that have jack shit to do with hip-hop on their own. Yes, in today’s day and age, we do care about record sales. Even the hip-hop heroes of yore are complaining that they’re not selling millions. Nevermind that they’re making shitty albums or that they’re selling what they’ve always sold.

But umm…the focus on record sales is KIND OF the problem. And yes I’m fully aware that hip-hop is more business than artistry at this point.

Same goes for street-credibility. Umm…who really cares. If you’re the hardest, most connected, dude in the street, but you suck as a rapper *coughJeezycough* who the fuck cares. And that doesn’t define hip-hop either. Hell, A Tribe Called Quest weren’t any street hard niggas but I’d bet that Jeezy wouldn’t go saying they weren’t hip-hop.

Plus, Nas has never been out here talking about “busting guns” as Jeezy says. Unless I missed that album.

(I didn’t.)

Thing is, this idiot is PROVING her point for her. There’s only one school of thought from most people nowadays (well the youngsters) and that’s street cred and record sales. That’s what makes you a legit rapper. And that’s exactly what Monie Love was getting at…that is not hip-hop as it was. My favorite part of the interview is whoever is in the background that says: “because THAT’S hip-hop!” sarcastically as Jeezy rattles off about Nas’ street credibility, or lack thereof.

I heart her.

And let’s clear this up. Jeezy is not a good rapper. Never was. He’s a catchy rapper. Jeezy is syphillis. Fuckin’ around long enough with the shit that’s out there (all the wack ass music out now) and you just might catch something (Jeezy). But when you finally get tested (actually start listening to the music and what he’s saying) you want a cure (ANYTHING is better than Jeezy at this point being as his new album is a 2 dollar ho).

Jeezy is a product of our times. His first album sold well because he was “different”. At this point, I have no idea what his appeal is. Between him and Rick Ross, if it wasn’t for catchy beats, they’d pretty much be obsolete ass negroes. But even I listened for a minute and was caught up. He’s a master marketer. Ad-libs, catchy hooks and banging beats and wham! Jeezy did the same thing that 50 said The Game did. Average rapping over great production (The Documentary) and by George Michael, you have an instant hit.

Let me also add this, I’m not an elitist, nothing-but-the-old-school, backpack rap enthusiast who thinks Lupe Fiasco is the second coming of Jesus for rap music. In fact, I do not like Lupe Fiasco. I like commercial stuff just as much as I like “underground” and I don’t think hip-hop is dead. But it aint my debate, it’s Jeezy versus Monie Love.

Jeezy sounds like so many southern rappers nowadays who are taking everything personal. Granted, a lot of rappers from NY have been hating on the South…but its because they aren’t selling and they’re bitter. Oh well, NY needs to get the fuck over it. And make better music. But these niggas can’t take everything so personal either. For fuck’s sake Jeezy, nobody said they didn’t respect your craft (well I think you suck, but nobody asked me)…Monie pointed out that rap isn’t what it used to be…and who hasn’t said that?

“All these rappers sound the same…” or “everything out now is the same ole same ole…”

Any fan, including most rappers, has said that at some point.

Oh well, Young Jeezy has morphed himself into an idiot and he totally lost an argument by not thinking. He even capped it off by walking out, which is also known as the ultimate bitch move…oh well…

Since Nas started this, I think it’s only right that Nas finishes it. Young Jeezy, you’ve just been…

…ethered.

There’s been something on my mind for quite some time now.

And I acknowledge that it isn’t deep and probably doesn’t deserve too much mention, but alas, I can’t help myself.

I mean, I use words like alas from time to time.

Time after time…if you’re lost and you look then you will find me…

That damn Cyndi Lauper, boy. Way ahead of her time.

Anyway, we were discussing what bothers me. It’s this.

Everytime I hear T.I.’s song “Why You Wanna” I find myself cringing at the part of the song where he says: “Is you happy?”

*clap*

And yes, I do agree with the Tipster, if your ass is phat, you really shouldn’t tell a nigga no…I mean why would you want to go and do that, love, huh?

Perhaps its the education in me, but hearing intentionally incorrect English so blatantly browbeaten just hurts my feelings. And I know its a rap song, and as most rappers are black people, we tend to speak in horrible English all the time anyway.

Hell, I STILL say shit like, “they be trippin’ sometimes…” So there is a little bit of pot calling the kettle ebony here, but still. It’s just so pronounced in that song. They stop the music and everything. It’s like clouds are parting and all of a sudden the only voice you hear, the only authoritative voice you may hear at the end of a heavenly diatribe about women saying no when their panties are so wet is some nigga who clearly KNOWS better.

Okay, so yeah, I’ve heard T.I. talk and and English professor he isn’t. But he’s smart. And I’m almost positive that when recording the song he might have (at least once) attempted to say it correctly. Problem is, it probably sounded better as “is you happy?”

Case in point…I read somewhere that when Kanye was recording the song “Crack Music” from Late Registration, he didn’t want to use the word “nigga” in the chorus, where it goes, “It’s that crack music, nigga/that real Black music, nigga.” He said he tried to use brotha and I believe he said he tried to use something else (EDIT: I was just informed that the other word was “homie”). But nothing quite captured the sentiment (or sounded as good) as well as “nigga”. And the worst part is, I do understand. I’ve been writing songs for a while now and my goal is to not curse or use the n-word in any of my songs.

Do you know how hard that is? Especially considering the source. I have friends who don’t use the n-word because they have said I use it enough for all of us.

Oh well, I’m good at it.

Just like cursing, I’m really good at that.

I remember one summer in Atlanta when I was staying at my grandmother’s house and we were all outside playing. There were these two cousins that lived two doors down from my grandmother and they were like the little 12 year old ‘hood pimps.

Oh yeah, I was 12. I learned to read at 3 years old so at this point, I’m working with a solid 9 years of grammar and comprehension training.

So these girls walked up to us, and one of the cats said, “hey shawty, what yo’ name iyah?”

Even at 12 that stung. I remember thinking to myself, “thats not right…” My very education had been challenged, offended, and scoffed at all at once. In fact, I’m not sure that I could fix my lips to ask a woman that in all seriousness.

But one day…I had an epiphany. I realized that when using the term “shawty”, it is downright wrong to use correct English after it.

For instance, if I came up to you and said, “hey shawty, what’s your name?” wouldn’t that sound dumb?

Reading it might not give you the full effect.

So do this for me: say it out loud to yourself a few times. Try the “what yo’ name iyah” and “what’s your name” after the statement “Hey Shawty…”

*waiting*

It sounds better the ‘hood way doesn’t it?

Which brings me back to my original beef with T.I.’s statement. He doesn’t say shawty before he makes the statement so it seems to me that he could have said it properly. I’m almost sure that they tested it both ways. I know I would have. Thing is, with T.I. it’s okay for him to say it that way because, it’s well, T.I.

Nobody expects Russell Simmons to be able to speak, and I swear Jay-Z is either the slowest talkin’ nigga in history or speaks so deliberately as to not waste a word. My money is on the former.

Like I said, I’m really overthinking this, but it does make me cringe when I hear him say it. Every time.

And it’s Friday, and it was on my mind.

Sue me.

I’m still sexxy.

But to all the women out there, if you ever want to holler at me, and you say, “what yo’ name iyah…” I will surely laugh at you and ask you…

…why you wanna go and do that love, huh?

Of course, I might also ask you, “is you happy?”

And then ask to see your tattoos.

Of your children.

Thank you and good night.

“This Philly cat back it…” ~ Beanie Sigel, “Guess Who’s Bizzack” from Scarface’s album, The Fix

Bill Cosby is back at it again.

Actually, I assume he never stopped and has been travelling the country pissing off black people left and right with his chastising of those in the Black community that he feels simply aren’t doing their part.

Well, he’s gone to taking shots at the hip-hop community…finally.

I say finally because it seems slightly perplexing to me that after all of his thousands of rants and raves (and illegitimate children) across the nation, he seems to have left hip-hop alone. There has been little mention of how horrible rap music is or how denigrating it is to Black women or how violent it is.

I mean, c’mon Bill, even white people know that rap music is to blame for all the country’s ills. Which makes me wonder how out of touch he really is.

I know I’m making a leap here, but seriously, when discussing how fucked up the inner city is, EVERYBODY takes shots at rap. Rappers take shots at hip-hop. White people, Jewish people, Dominicans, aliens…

…pastors, bakers, candlestick makers, cobblers, wobblers, librarians…

…Presidents, Vice Presidents, Mexicans…

…well you get the point.

They all take shots at hip-hop.

For fuck’s sake, Bill…how is it possible that you completely missed out on assigning blame for the ills of Black people to the culprit that causes the Black community to devolve into the guntoting, pound-cake stealing, non-reading bastards that we are? Especially when so many of your contemporaries never miss an opportunity to do so.

Which leads me to two possible conclusions: 1) he actually doesn’t think hip-hop is that much of a problem and is more concerned about the root cause of the issue; or…

STOP!

This just in: Bill Cosby Addresses Absentee Fathers and Criticizes Hip-Hop (click on link to go to Allhiphop.com article)

Oh well.

So the only other conclusion I have is this, 2) Bill Cosby hasn’t been paying attention and finally turned on either BET or MTV or the radio or just so happened to be listening to some shit a grandchild or somebody played and was offended and decided to attack hip-hop now as well.

There is no way in 7th Hell that you can go years chastising the “lower dredges” of Black society without criticizing rap unless you just aren’t paying attention…

…which is what I tend to do with Bill Cosby now. It’s hard to pay attention to him when everything he says seems so doggone persnickety. And I’m not even saying he doesn’t make any legit points, but its all in the delivery Bill. You should learn from Rakim or Kane or AZ. Delivery Bill, delivery.

Every good rapper has a good delivery. It’s why we listen to dumb shit all the time…that and it usually sounds good.

Oh, and he’s wrong on this point:

“They put the word ‘nigga’ in a song, and we get up and dance to it,” Cosby said.

Not true, Bill. We get up and dance to it because it’s on.

Unless of course it’s Yung Joc’s song “It’s Going Down” which, I mean, just totally rocks, in which case we get up and dance to it because we all want to do the dance that goes with it.

Oh yes, and do the “have you ever seen a Chevy with the butterfly doors” part. That part is fly.

I’m just wondering when all of these critics of the lower class, especially the Black ones, are going to decide to attack the circumstances that led to this shit. All of the problems we have now aren’t new. In fact, none of them are new. The same problems that were present in the 50s and 60s are present today.

The difference now is that white America is fascinated by this culture and puts it all over television. And since they’re fascinated, they find us ninja’s to keep it up…it’s a vicious cycle really.

People are well within their rights to get upset at the state of Black America, and hell, hip-hop. But rarely is anybody doing shit to combat the very problems that we so often rail against.

Fuckin’ armchair activists, that’s what it seems like most of us are. Granted, I wouldn’t put Bill Cosby in that boat, and in some ways I suppose he’s earned the right to be a crochety old fuck. I think I’d just appreciate it more if I felt like he wasn’t so out of touch on some of these things.

Because now he just seems like he’s whining. And messages get lost in the whining.

When was the last time you wanted to do anything for somebody who was whining to you about something? It was like 10 minutes before never for me.

“This is a great evening because we’re calling on men to come claim their children,” said Cosby, who spoke for 20 minutes before joining a panel to field questions. “And that’s part of being a man. You cannot be a man at all if you haven’t claimed your child. Some of you have three, four, five of them. You have more children than you have jobs.”

This is kind of tangential, but I always have a problem with these speeches. Namely, it seems like he’s preaching to the choir. The very fathers he’s talking about probably aren’t there listening to him nor would they care.

And that crosses all color lines.

Many people posit that the family structure is what has the Black community mired in stagnation.

I agree with that too, and I wonder how you make that point to the fathers who aren’t there because those are the ones that need to hear it most.

More questions, fewer answers.

It’s not easy being Black.

Or hip-hop for that matter.

Star of the Star and Bucwild show…come on down!!!

*playing The Price Is Right Music in the background*

You’ll have to excuse me for a second because I’m about to get ignant.

Got it? Good.

Some niggas really need to be shot in the middle of the street for everybody to see. And this nigga (Star) is one of them. You see, niggas like this nigga (Star) make it hard for niggas like this nigga (me) to really love all of my black people the way that I want too. For one, he’s a fuckin’ idiot. For two, he makes the rest of us look bad by doing what he does when he does what he does like he does it for radio. And C, niggas like this have no remorse or even see anything wrong with what they’re doing. To me, he has basically sold his soul at the expense of any and all sense and doesn’t really give a shit who is in his wake. You see, this nigga is just disprespectful. And I hate him.

But I hate him now more for his utter fuckin’ stupidity on the Bill O’Reilly show, because you see now…now, he’s involved every nigga who loves and listens to hip-hop and has made us all look worse. At least Bill didn’t go down that road with him. Hell it seems that even Bill O’Reill wasn’t buying his horeshit.

Okay, I see you need some foundation. My apologies for getting a little carried away.

For those people who are not familiar with Star, he is a former shock jock for NY’s Hot 97 and moved to (I believe) Power 105 after being fired behind the Aaliyah debacle back in 2001.

What’s the Aaliyah debacle you ask?

This was when he went on air and had quite assholishly mocked the plane crash that Aaliyah was on full with yelling and screaming as the plane went down. His head was rightfully called for and I’m sure he lost some nights of sleep because he’d offended quite a few folks. Everybody wanted to whip his ass.

But being a shock jock, I suppose that’s what you do. Shock and piss people off. The more people the better.

Recently he was fired (and subsequently arrested) from his post at Power 105 because he (on-air) publicly threatened to pull an R. Kelly on the 4-year old child of rival Hot 97 host DJ Envy. He also made various racial remarks about Envy’s Asian wife and what he’d do to her. He asked the listeners to provide him the address to the school where Envy’s attended so he could go up there and pick her up himself and get his R. Kelly on.

Basically, he’s a sick fuck.

And quite frankly, I’ve always hated him. Well, now, he’s proven as to why he needs to be shot. Below is a YouTube video of him on the Bill O’Reilly show. Look, I’m no fan of Billy Boy, but he’s not stupid, and he doesn’t take to kindly to be taken for an idiot as most of us don’t.

Star…tries to play him. Just watch this stupid shit and tell me if you don’t want to shoot Star yourself.

This nigga REALLY tried to play off what he said on radio as part of hood culture…in FACT, this nigga BASICALLY blames hip-hop for what he said and places it in the realm of being okay because verbally jousting and threatening to piss on one’s child is just what we do in the ‘hood.

Umm, I ain’t NEVER even thinking of having a thought of pissing on nobody’s child as revenge, and there are STILL crackheads in my neighborhood.

Word life.

Fuck you Star…and please go die. .

Click on the link below to view the YouTube interview between Bill O’Reilly and Star.

Star on the Bill O’Reilly Show