[**Administrative Note: If you're in the DC Area, tomorrow, January 13, 2006, there is a party at Mirror's Nightclub on New York Avenue being thrown by the so smooth party promoters of Stockholm 76 fame. I've been to parties in DC, but the ones thrown by this promoter are some good ass parties...and that last statement has a double meaning. Check out Blue Stockholm to sign up for the guest list for complimentary admission before 11pm and to check out pictures of the crowds. DC/Charlotte/Atlanta and soon to be globally known, DJ 2-Tone Jones on the 1's and 2's. ***]

People say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. And I wholeheartedly agree with that statement.

I’ve been to Vegas.

Well, I also think that same logic applies to jail. What happens in jail/prison stays in jail/prison. Unless, you were shanked by somebody, in which case the statute of limitations on whipping his ass in the middle of a street is pretty much unlimited.

(And no, I’ve never been to jail. Unless you count that one time in Vegas…I’m lying. Call me now!)

However, given the circumstances of those men who are placed in jail for extremely long sentences, a question became evident one day whilst I was sipping a Mint Julep and having an IM convo on Yahoo! Messenger with the blogless wonder, Xquizzyt. In fact, let me say her name one more time…Xquizzyt. That’s two.

Is it acceptable for a man to be gay in jail?

Umm…not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Can you please place your eyeballs back inside of your head? I’m serious.

No really…and you, over there with the plaid Catholic schoolgirl dress on, please put the knife down.

Are you calm now? Can we proceed?

Thank you.

Now, think about this. People need personal interaction to live in this world. I don’t care how much of a loner you are, we all need some skin-on-skin action in our lives. That’s what prostitutes are for, to provide a service when you can’t get any skin-on-skin action from anywhere else. Much like video hoes, prostitutes do not get enough credit for the service they provide to humanity. There’s a reason why its the oldest profession bucko.

Why would this change in jail? Especially when you have to spend years in a place where the only female might be a prison guard who is only sleeping with the death row inmates. Actually, I think that was Oz. But from the mouth of a former stripper turned gangsta rapper…

“I need that love…” - The Game, “Don’t Need Your Love”, The Documentary

And I took that line completely out of context…in the song he’s talking about Bloods in New York. But who’s splitting hairs?

I’m torn on this thought…but I’m leaning more towards saying, yes…it’s acceptable.

In fact, take me to jail. Lock me up!! Throw away the key!! I ain’t scared to fuck no nigga in his ass…

*scrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

This nigga is trippin’.

By the way, the previous scene is from the movie Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, which is way funnier than Friday, but doesn’t get nearly the props it deserves. It’s damn near social commentary.

[***DISCLAIMER: Before we go any further, let me clear few things up. I'm not gay, nor do I live a gay lifestyle...not that there's anything wrong with living a gay lifestyle. I'm not even a metrosexual. In fact, I'm still confused as to what a metrosexual means since my take means almost gay, just doesn't know it yet. Once again, not that there's anything wrong with that. I have no problem with gay people, gay marriage, pink, flamingos, or John Legend. Nor do I plan on going to jail. I just think its a ponderistically interesting topic. ***]

Of course, the other side to the game on this is…what happens when he gets out? Now, amidst the conversation that started this whole though, I wondered aloud if it would be okay if he was gay in jail, for say, 7 years, and then wasn’t gay when he got out. Now, this is in direct conflict with the notion that people are born gay. Then again, jail is in direct conflict with the notion of a mixed genitalia world.

And what with EVERY woman thinking that EVERY man is either gay, gay-curious, or just DL anyway, the thought that its acceptable to say a black man can be gay in jail and come home and be un-gay, might make me eligible to be incinerated at a Ponderosa Steak House. Which is similar to being burned at a stake, only not at all.

I’m also not an advocate of the whole DL phenomenon that may or MAY NOT be as bad as women think. In fact…EVERY MAN IS NOT DL. One ignorant nigga who was a jackass to his family goes on Oprah and the next day, every man is DL. Talk about some women making up for insecurities…

Yeah I said it. In-secur-i-ties. I do think being a DL man is wrong though. I want to go on record with that.

But back to the el pointo (which is not Spanish by any stretch of the imagination), is it even possible for a man to be gay in jail and actually come back out and live a heterosexual life? From a “desire” standpoint? That I do not know. And maybe that is where the answer lies. But…Donnie McClurkin was gay and he turned his life around.

Hmm…that was a judgemental statement that assumed that being gay means your life isn’t going in the right direction being as we only use the term “turned your life around” when referring to any negativity that you pursued prior. I mean when was the last time you heard somebody say, “wow, that Jim sure turned his life around” in reference to somebody going from being a God-fearing Christian to a Satan worshiping cat-screwer?

So, let me rephrase. Donnie McClurkin became…un-gay. Do we believe that a gay man can become un-gay and not lust after the pleasures of the manflesh?

[***Sidenote: I saw the most godawful movie ever yesterday courtesy of my Blockbuster Online subscription, Disco Godfather. The title should have told me to stop, but I put it in despite my education. Well, it's a Dolemite movie, but has to be one of the movies nobody talks about. I mean, there was no ass and titties, nothing. The movie was about cracking down on "angel dust". No hoes, no real kung-fu, and Rudy Ray Moore turned in the WORST performance ever. Anyway, there was a dude in the movie named Sweetmeat. Gay or un-gay, isn't that the most gay ass name you could possibly have? Sweetmeat?? If I ever become a gay stipper, I'm using that name, I'm calling dibs...umm...not that I'd become a gay stripper...umm...not that there's anything wrong with gay strippers. Fuck it, this is totally going in the wrong direction. I need to turn my life around. ***]

LIke I said, I don’t know the answer.

However, for sake of argument, and assuming that a man could become ungay after leaving jail, assuming also that he would be eligible for parole at some point during his prison sentence, but not before at least 5 years…

…is it acceptable for a man to be gay in prison?