The I-Don’t-Get-It Files: Alicia Keys
Seriously, I don’t understand her appeal.
For years now, Alicia Keys has been a media darling and musical phenom, ad nauseum. Anytime she releases an album, pundits and fans alike adore and browbeat one another for the chance to praise and adorn her with accolades aplenty.
In short, everbody loves Alicia Keys and I honestly have no clue why. I’ve tried to get it. Can she sing? Well sure…she has an alright voice though I wouldn’t exactly place her anywhere near the upper echelon of singers. Face it. Mariah Carey she ain’t.
She plays the piano but whoopty-damn do. For the large part her albums don’t rely much on her piano abilities. Most of her songs are hip-hop influenced if anything with replayed or interpolated samples. Sure they have some piano influence in them…
…but so do a lot of my own beats and I can’t play the piano for shit.
Though I totally murder Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.
I. Just. Kill. That.
Alicia Keys get acting roles and to be honest, her role in Smoking Aces was the first time I’d ever found myself mentioning how attractive she is. Granted, I’d never kick her out of the bed under any circumstances but that makes her no more hot than anybody else.
Though, have you seen her on the cover of Complex magazine…watered down? Good googly moogly. I have said before and will repeat again that wet women look so much hotter than dry women. If you are a marginally attractive chick who rates like a 6 on the Dude Scale, go run under some sprinklers and always walk around like looking like you live under a rain cloud. You’re going to rate at least at a 7 at that point. And you can date 7’s.
Sixes? You just schlump them.
Back to the lecture at hand. Alicia Keys is light and brite so perhaps thats part of her draw as we all know racially ambiguous chilidren are much easier to market than children of the sun. But overall, I honestly don’t get it.
I have all of her albums and none of them was any better than most albums on the market. Songs In A Minor was alright, but I can only think of maybe 3 songs that I liked including the single, “Fallin’”. I liked “Butterfly” but I can’t even remember the name of the other joint I liked.
Diary was, eh…alright I guess. The only songs I liked were the single “You Don’t Know My Name” (which was largely piano influenced but was also a sampled piano by Kanye West) and “The Diary”. I can’t honestly even remember what the rest of the album sounds like.
So she’s not a first rate singer, doesn’t have albums that will be remembered 20 years from now, and is attractive but not in a “I want to sex you down on sight” kind of way. She’s like an upgraded version of Brandy except Brandy had some actual good entire albums (like Full Moon). She’s clearly a better songwriter than Beyonce, but hell, who isn’t?
Difference is that Beyonce’s popularity I can understand. She’s an ultimate performer. And she makes intentionall catchy pop music to appeal to the masses without any shade of personality. That’s how you bring folks in. However, Alicia Keys songs are apparently full of “integrity” or something. I don’t know.
Perhaps I’m a hater. However, I don’t care. She’s no more talented than anybody else and her albums are no better than anybody else…
…so why does everybody love them some damn Alicia Keys?
And “No One” is not a good song. You can disagree, but you will be wrong.
November 19th, 2007 12:58
Wow…you just put all my sentiments into a clear, concise blog entry! Now I can point people towards this when they question my indifference for Ms. Keys. Someone offered me a ticket to see her at LOVE and aside from the fact that it was at LOVE, I turned them down and said, “she does nothing for me…” Glad to see I’m not the only one…
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November 19th, 2007 15:14
I agree totally. In fact, as far as her current ‘hits’ I think she sounds like she’s constipated. And her looks, she’s not ugly so long as she doesn’t speak or move. There’s absolutely nothing feminine about her.
November 20th, 2007 10:18
I’ve always been a fan of Alicia Keys. What I find most appealing about her music is that it doesn’t sound very polished or pop-ish. Playing an instrument and being able to write music is a lost art with our generation. She’s no Mariah but she can carry a tune or two… I’ve seen her perform live and she can hold down her own show just fine.
In response to Hostess’ comment about her lack of feminity- I also disagree. Every woman is not super “fem” and dainty… I can respect Alicia for being herself. Sometimes her body language can be a little awkward but shit so is mine. None of us are perfect and the damn near perfect act has already been taken by Beyonce.
November 20th, 2007 10:46
And I actually think you might be giving her the benefit of the doubt. As a musician she garners alot of attention for being remarkably mediocre. I’ve never been impressed with her songwriting. But being as fine as she is will right alot of wrongs.
November 20th, 2007 13:56
every thang ain’t for everybody, but I don’t know how much credibility I will lend to this post after you admitted to being a Ray-J fan, jus sayin’
November 20th, 2007 15:15
yes, you are a hater.
November 20th, 2007 16:33
@Rum Punch: Brilliant minds, mi compadre. Brilliant minds. And I check y’alls site out all the time…
@Hostess: Now I don’t know if I’d say there’s nothing feminine about her. I mean, she looks like a chick to me. Not THE most attractive chick, but she is pretty smokin’ on occasion, like in Smoking Aces. Best. Play. On. Words. Ever!
@dark & stormy: See, I’m trying to see what you see, cuz frankly, I’m Ray Charles when it comes to her.
@thehomiewood: I will say that I think her songwriting is cool except for that damn “Unbreakable” song. Folks loved that pisspoorly written ass-sandwich of a song for NO reason.
@Bulletproof Diva: Ray-J is the most important artist of the 21st century.
@blackmartha: A sexxy one though!
November 20th, 2007 17:25
sexy or not, you are indeed, a hater.
November 21st, 2007 09:55
These first two singles from her new joint are not hot. I like her videos though and I do embrace her for her style. She’s attractive without being over-the-top. The way she showcases her musicianship is also refreshing compared to other singers who can only rely on their sex appeal. I agree with her music being overrated but I think the appeal comes from her style and personality.
November 24th, 2007 19:07
It’s the realness in her. She’s like… if i was a dude, i’d hang out with her and my boys. Shell play basketball with you. She’ll smoke a cigar and play poker with you. She’ll roll a better blunt than you, and she’ll be one of the first people stepping up to fight in your honor. I also do believe all the gay rumors about her because she has something innately masculine in her movements and glances… But she’s so pretty that it polishes up that realness to an awesome level. I’m gonna admit that I didn’t like “No one” until I found out she sang it. I thought it was another one of those bland up and comer’s until I saw a music video and blanked out. The same way I can watch pretty girls talk about nothing and still not want to kill myself after it’s over, I can forgive okay songs if the mouth behind it is pretty. That song was okay. I actually did not like Fallin’ and to this day, only respect it because of its difficulty.