You good?

Good. Me too.

Let me tell you something. Recently at the J-O-Bullshitin’ (hopin’ that my day goes slow), they’ve cut all forms of instant messenging. As in I can’t even access Google’s, G-chat. You know, the shit that’s EMBEDDED into their actual site. Oy vey. I’m one of those individuals who spends all day talking to people online. Mind you, I could easily pick up the phone and call all of these individuals however it’s so much easier and more convenient to just talk to everybody while we’re all trapped at our various paying gigs. Funny how instant messenger ruined the phone for me.

Anyway, the lack of IM capability has been a slight annoyance but I’ve also never been more productive in my working life. Of course, fuck-a-job and all but it does allow me to keep my lights on. And lights are good. Kind of like the smooth refreshing taste of key lime pie. And I love me some key lime pie.

I miss my people on IM though. So sad. Pour out a little liquor for Panama Muhfuckin’s daily conversation with any and everybody. Shout outs to the Boom and BlackMartha (who probably hasn’t gone by that name in years).

I was reading the other day that T.I. — in his boredom — has taken to recording new material for an upcoming album entitled Paper Trail, so titled because he’s actually writing down his rhymes right now. Apparently he hasn’t written anything down over his past few albums. Hmm…you need more people duke. Two things here:

1) I’m getting tired of rappers trumpeting their lack of writing as if that makes them special. It doesn’t. It just means you don’t write anything down. Thing is…WE CAN TELL. Short of Jay (who I still don’t believe has never written anything down) and Big, very rarely has anybody who essentially took 3 minutes to think of a verse and gone to lay it down come up with anything stellar. And assuming that Jay and Biggie actually never did write anything down, they are more the exception than the rule.

Then you have the Lil Wayne ass niggas who clearly don’t write anything down and come up with one hot verse per hundred. That’s. Not. Good. It’s bad even. It’s failing. I wonder if all of these people swearing that Lil Wayne is the best rapper alive are actually listening to him and not just his flow which is top notch. The nigga knows how to ride a beat. Kudos. Sure would be nice if you could say something worth listening to a la “Hollywood Divorce”, Dwayne.

2) I think we’re giving people too much credit for that shit. What these niggas do is not go and freestyle the best verses you’ve ever heard. Nope. Hurricane Chris does that. Word. Life. What they do is essentially listen to a beat and write it down in their head. It might take 30 minutes, it might take an hour. I write verses all the time and by the time I have them done, I usually have them memorized. We need to champion these cats good memories, not the fact that “they don’t write shit down”. Who cares if you ain’t saying nothing worth listening too.

Sidenote: If you do write everything down and still suck, stop rapping and get a job mopping floors at your local hospital. Save us all.

And no, I don’t believe that T.I. didn’t write down shit on King, especially on the song, “I’m Talking To You” because if he did, he’s the greatest mental-rapper alive.

Have you seen the video for the remix to DJ Khaled’s “I’m So Hood”? No? Thank your lucky stars and whoever you pray too. Never have I seen a video that was so terribly shitty in my whole life that it made me dislike a song. And I LOVE “I’m So Hood”. That shit knocks so hard.

The video? Not so much. Full disclosure here is that I abhor DJ Khaled. He has no real talent from what I can tell and he’s just uberfucking annoying. Like on the “I’m so annoying” scale he rates a cool 100 with 100 being the most points you can obtain. Despite his random telling us that he is –indeed– the best, he is not. Further, what the fuck are you (we, nigga) the best at? He has the most grating voice ever of all DJ’s and that’s saying something. He attempts to be pseudo-hard with ridiculous “thugged” out body language. I just want to slap the fuck out of him every time I see him. And that’s an honest emotion. I really detest this man.I feel like I know him.

Here’s the video:

This video is the most pisspoorly done video I’ve seen in a long while. I remember first seeing it and asking myself why the fuck they forgot to edit it and essentially make the entire video look like it wasn’t done with 10 dollars and somebody’s cousin Nino’s video camera from 1993. I remember my parents video camera from back then…better quality video than this ass sandwich. Honestly, it looks terrible. It’s like they shot the rappers in HDTV and put the blue-screen (why did they do this with a blue screen? it’s the fucking streets…they couldn’t FIND a street to shoot this on?) in the my first analog tv mode.

Simply said it looks like shit and Busta Rhymes looks like a muppet. DJ Khaled? Go kill yourself.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t send an R.I.P. shoutout to Donda West, better known as Kanye’s mother. Man do I feel for that brother. Not too many rappers put their entire life on display like he has. Interesting enough, the rappers that have all have very prominent mothers in their careers from Eminem to Tupac. Somehow, because these rappers put so much of their business in the street, you almost feel like you know them so that when something tragic does happen you feel like a family-member was lost. That’s how I felt. I just wanted to shake Kanye’s hand and tell him it would be alright. At least she got to witness and participate in her son’s success in life. He made his mark and she got to witness it, but man…

…hold your head Kanye. Hold your head.

It’s interesting, I have a million focused ideas I plan on writing about but I show up here and write random shit.

Luckily I’m sexxy.

Good night and good luck.

It was written.