I’m pretty sure I’ve discussed this before. But that was then and this is now.

Am I the only person who wishes they’d discovered their various talents much earlier in life? Granted, I’m happy with the choices I’ve made. I’m a Black man with a Master’s degree, good credit, and no kids out of wedlock. That has to put me at least in the slim 1 % of Negroes everywhere. I make a good salary but yet, I’d rather be somewhere else than my current employment at least 95 percent of the time I’m here.

Which could explain why I have a second job that has nothing to do with the first. Speaking of which, how-the-fuck-come everybody does a double take when I tell them what kind of real job I have when I’m at the club? You’d be surprised at the looks, then laughs I get from individuals who find it hard to believe that Your Highness, the Imperial Pimpin’ Panama of the 2nd Order At the 3rd Takeout is an actual asset to the country.

But get this, since my 25th birthday, I’ve begun doing everything I’d thought I’d have been doing as a youth but just never got to doing. Hell, I used to want to work in a club or get into music when I was like 18 but never made any headways into either.

Now? Check for both.

What in Sam Hill was I thinking when I was younger and I had all the free time in the world. In college I had so much free time there was NO reason that I didn’t graduate with a 4.0. Well, except that whole party all the time (bigups to Eddie Murphy for bagging TWO uber-fine broads - that’s right Eddie, don’t let those gay prostitute Norbit setbacks hold you down!).

It’s just crazy at times when I think about the turns that we take in life that lead you where they do. I do tend to believe that things happen for a reason. Or at least I use that as a crutch when things don’t happen like I want them too. Then again, I’ve never been one to pine away at hope for shit to happen. I’ve been pretty lucky to live the life I have. I can walk around with a pink shirt on and nobody thinks I’m gay.

Of course, I refuse to wear my sunglasses at night.

Conflicted. I’ve never really felt that about my life choices. I just wish I’d thought to do or try some of this shit I’m doing at this point a while back. Who knows where I’d be now. I got tired of blogging because it became old hat. I’d gained some exposure (as many people have - I ain’t special) but I wonder what would have happened had I tried my hand at writing back when I had the time to really develop that into a marketable skill.

You know what the worst shit is, I won’t even wonder about it long. I’ll be over it in like 20 seconds.

*waiting*

Over it.

Things happen for a reason so I suppose I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be at this moment. And there are far worse places for me to be. I wonder where I’m going…

…I was voted most likely to be a millionaire by 30 by my high school class. And I feel its possible. Hell, it seems like such an easy feat to accomplish…as SOON as I shed this middle-class content safety zone headtrip that’s been instilled in me by my sometimes-well-to-do parents.

All this to say, integration ruined the world.

Thank you and goodnight.