That Lauryn Hill, what a prophet.

Today’s post is being brought to you by the good people of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and the letter W.

Followed by the letter T. And not so far behind, the letter F.

Put it together class and what do you get?? WTF.

As in the what the fuck was Fantasia thinking when she wrote some of the shit that is on her newest album, the self-titled Fantasia?

Despite that question, I find myself feeling warmed by her album.

Do you know why I appreciate artists like Fantasia (and similarly people like Jagged Edge or Mary J. Blige, during the Great Crackskapades of the early to mid 90s)? I love them because they do not run away from their inner-ghetto. You see, so many of us el Negroes try to hide from the fact that we do indeed possess ghetto bones.

I have some. Do you? It’s okay. In fact, anybody with ghetto bones, please, with a show of hands…show yourself!

*hands a-waving*

Ahh…the smell of truth.

Being the ghetto queen that Fantasia apparently is (down to the inordinate education), she has decided that she was going to make an album for her people. What people would that be? The same people who actually found her song “B.A.B.Y.M.A.M.A.” to be a rallying cry and an endearing, honorable tribute to the single, un-wed mother.

Not that there is anything wrong with being a single, un-wed mother. Then again, there is a hell of a difference between being a babymama and a single mother. Color me ignorant, but it seems that Fantasia made it okay (once again, to her fans) to aspire to be a baby mama whereas a single mother would usually rather not be in that situation. But once again, color me ignorant.

And then color me bad. Ohhh…beeeeeeeehave.

On her newest magnum opus, Fantasia has a song entitled “Uneligible”.

I’d like to take a quick smokebreak, so please re-read that last sentence as many times as you need.

*smokebreak*

If you’re anything like me, you probably looked at that word a few times before calmly asking yourself, “is that a word?”

Then, I briskly walked to my dictionary to check. Nope…in fact, I’m about to go look at my office dictionary right now.

Hold, please.

*holding*

Nope, not in my office dictionary. It goes from unedited to unemotional. But you know what I did find?

Ineligible.

A one letter variance, but a signficant one nonetheless. Which begs the question…two questions actually: why not just use the word ineligible?; and why doesn’t she have any friends who tell her better?

Oh, she answers that on the album’s last song, “Bump What Ya Friends Say”.

Well, okay then.

You’ve really got to love songs like that don’t you? The song “Uneligible” is about the good men who all seem to be “uneligible.” Ooh, ooh, I have a question!!!

Since she refers to her men as uneligible, does that actually make them uneligible? Perhaps there is some subtle distinction between ineligible and uneligible…perhaps her men just ain’t available (hence, uneligible) whereas ineligible men are just not qualified!!!

Perhaps Fantasia is the smart one. She’s done gone and created a new word, probably by accident since I don’t actually respect her mind. Sad, I know.

But until she can read one of my posts I stand by my statement.

Ouch.

What I do appreciate about her new album is that she really holds nothing back. For instance, here are some of the song titles: “I Nominate U” (c’mon, don’t we all really want to be nominated for something??), “Baby Makin’ Hips” (you laugh, but I love me a woman with baby makin’ hips), “Two Weeks Notice” (not sure how this really applies to her people since most of them are probably fans of being babymamas and probably work at places that a two week notice probably ain’t all that necessary, let alone a two minute notice).

Ouch again.

I’m mean.

Then there’s that guaranteed hot shit, “Bore Me (Yawn)”. I actually have to give Fantasia a lot of credit here. People often give you song titles, but when was the last time people gave you the intransitive verb to go with their song title?

Did Babyface? How much better is this song title: “Every Time I Close My Eyes (Blink)”?

Or “There She Goes (Point)”?

Clearly, he’s not as forward thinking as Fantasia.

And the entire album makes sense because her first single is “Hood Boy”, a sort of double entendre since clearly she needs a hood boy, and it’s also apparently who she mad the album for, the “hood, boy”.

Deep. Perhaps I do respect her mind. A broke clock may be right only twice a day, but when it’s right, it’s right.

Mind you, a lot of this stuff is actually pretty good, music-wise, and she can sing despite the fact that I pretty much don’t like her voice at all. What’s really funny is that for every person I’ve mentioned that she has as song called “Uneligible”, every body thinks its okay because Fantasia apparently isn’t the scholar we all pray for.

And she can’t read, though I’m inclined to believe that she’s probably made headway in that deparment since her admission. Which if I’m not mistaken was during the “writing” of her book. Dictaphone never had it so good!

All in all, I appreciate Fantasia for what she brings to the table. Unapologetic ignorance. She exists to make me realize that people like us do have a place in the world. For me, it’s at the table with lawmakers and hookers, for her it’s at the library, but there is a place nonetheless.

Irregardless of what we may all think, Fantasia is finna do things her way. And through her, we are all connectededed.

She is us and we are her.

Thank you Fantasia for keeping it real and damn you to Hell for causing a whole new generation of little ninjas who will undoubtedly think that the word “uneligible” is actually real and okay since it’s a song that I think women who can’t find a good man will be drawn towards.

Thank you Fantasia, for not crossing over but bringing the suburbs to the ‘hood.