Today’s post is sponsored by Allhiphop and it’s famous and unfuckwitable rumors section.

*applause*

Allhiphop is the first website I check everyday after I turn my computer on. Before I get to my personal email or even my work email. Some things are just more important than communicating with people you’d rather not actually speak to. I always read the latest on which rapper got arrested or shot (sometimes both) or what other strange goings on are permeating the rap community and then it’s straight to the rumors section because there is ALWAYS something interesting. And yes, they are rumors, but let’s just do what everybody else in America does, ignore the facts and just pretend its all true.

With that in mind, we are going to analyze the rumors section of Allhiphop.com today. Allons-y.

Rumors in italics.

JD AND JANET ON THE ROCKS?

This is getting to be a lil’ tired - you know, people anticipating the death of a couple’s relationship. Here were are…talking about it. There’s some talk that Janet now has nobody to look out for her interests at Virgin now that JD has quit his high-post position over there. He quit, because he was riding for her ��� corporate protest. You know, he produced 20 Y.O. and sales were under-whelming. So, now Janet is reportedly talking with her old producers Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis to get her on track? I don’t know, but that���s the word! Anyway, the chasm widens, according to rumors, but I think they will be OK. They have stuck by each other through thick and thin - literally! Anyway, they were at the Billboard Awards together looking happy!

Hmm…in the event that the two of them are actually on the rocks, I’d like to refer to a quote I like to read from time to time:

“…sometimes the business end of this shit can turn your friends against you…” ~ Dr. Dre “What’s The Difference” 2001

Nothing ruins a relationship like finances and fucking with one’s career. Cheating…eh…folks get over that. But you mess with their money? Crikey. Thing is, Janet’s album 20 Y.O. was not just a commercial flop, it completely sucked. I listened to it. I know asstastic music when I hear it. Janet Jackson, meet your destiny. She tried to let JD do it, and truth be told, that’s her fault, but I’m sure he convinced her that if he could save Mariah Carey then one nipple couldn’t stop him from saving Janet’s career too. Um…no. Thing is, weren’t Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis on this album too?? I know Janet is an entertainer, but the people have spoken…we want Bush out, Democrats in and nobody really gives a shit about Janet anymore. We’ll all just listen to Rhythm Nation or Janet and be done with it. Buh-bye.

Though you have to wonder, had Janet released an album right after Nipplegate, do you think it would have sold well? Is she the only artist that controversy doesn’t help?

MORE DIVORCE ON THE HORIZON?

Y’all know, I believe in the power of love, even if I don’t feel the love from people these days. At any rate, I don’t want to see Madonna go through a divorce, but rumor has it her marriage with Guy Ritchie is on the rocks. Word has it, the pair have done the necessary work and gotten a counselor to mend the rift. Apparently, Madonna’s very public and controversial adoption of an African baby boy has caused some tension in the house. Now, it���s not the boy, but rather how Madonna acts around him as the rumored source of beef. I wish them the best, especially for their other two kids.

Yeah, so I kind of don’t care. Then again, you just have to wonder about all of these celebrities picking off little African babies. Hell, there are plenty of needy little Black babies in America if there thing is babies of color. I’m not completely sure how I feel about this yet, but something ain’t right.

50 CENT & G-UNIT DROPPED?!?!

As you may or may not know, there’s a crazy rumor running around that 50 Cent, Eminem, G-Unit and even Shady Records were all getting the ax by Jimmy Iovine! Now, I admit I heard some things and even heard some of the names of the artists, but this rumor was getting crazy. Anyway, I heard it���s not true and that 50 Cent and the crew aren’t going anywhere just yet. They can’t ’til I get my MOP album. But, other cuts might be coming… its not hardly safe ��� TRUST! With a double album coming out, is it possible that 50 Cent is planning to defect? Just a question.

Is the 50 Dynasty crumbling? This rumor has already been confirmed as false by an Interscope executive but let’s think on this. Clearly, 50’s acts aren’t exactly top shelf anymore. Perhaps its oversaturation or perhaps people have finally realized that short of 50 and Young Buck, every G-Unit album has, for lack of a better term, sucked. People who like G-Unit albums tell me they like LOX albums…and they suck too. Now let’s be clear, 50 Cent ain’t getting dropped. That’s in nobody’s best interest at Interscope. And the inability to drop 50 means you can’t drop his G-Unit roster…but he managed to make Mobb Deep irrelevant. Which, as we all know, is a feat unto itself. It ain’t like anybody was really checking for a new Mobb Deep album anyway but you’d think the added firepower of 50 would help. Not so much. And I’d like to put out an APB on M.O.P. Them niggas just can’t catch a break I swear.

FREE M.O.P.

That’s my new cause in life. Right after I jump back onto the “Reincarcerate Yayo” bandwagon that some genius started a few years ago. That person is my hero.

But how fuckin’ amazing would it be to see 50 Cent’s entire empire crumble. Don’t they already sell G-Unit shit damn near exclusively at Marshall’s and TJ Maxx…which ain’t a knock. But I just bought a suit, 10 shirts, 20 ties, and a partridge and a pear tree from there for 19.99. Granted, it was Kenneth Kohl but still.

BE A FATHER - IF NOT WHY BOTHER?

Remember Eddie Murphy and Scary Spice. They were going on vacations together and their kids were playing together. Now, rumor has it, the Spice girl is pregnant and Eddie did a ghost move. According to tmz, this dude is questioning the paternity of the lil’ bun in the oven! When an interviewer asked if he was happy with Mel B, he said, “You’re being presumptuous, because we’re not together anymore. And I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” That’s word to Ed OG.

“He’s a NIIIIIIIIIGGER…HE’S A NIGGGGGGGGGGER”

What?

LIL��� WAYNE MAD?

He also reportedly dissed The Clipse and Pharrell too. I wonder if he’ll take it back on the radio.

Has Lil Wayne lost his fuckin’ mind? So let me get this right. You’re going to get pissed off at the nigga who’s style you straight SWAGGER JACKED??? Isn’t that a violation of Rappin’ 101?? How can you claim to be better than the nigga you owe your entire livelihood to? Especially when you’re kind of not better. This brings up another point too…

…the fuck is this? Dis-That-Nigga Jay Month? Good got damn. Raekwon, LL Cool J, Lil Wayne, Jim Jones (though I am enjoying that one…I’d like them to keep that one up), and POTENTIALLY even Bow Wow? Come the fuck on. I know LL Cool J got beef since he feels like Jay ain’t getting behind his projects…then again, I wonder if LL has even heard his own shit. His albums are fuckin’ horrible nowadays. Promotion wouldn’t save those. If LL didn’t look like he does women wouldn’t buy his albums (which apparently has stopped happening).

LL Cool J…you suck now. Give it up. Plus, you’re too easy a target for Jay. Hell, he wouldn’t even have to do a song, he could just do a press conference and show up with your last, like 5 albums, put them on display, throw up his hands and he’d be declared the victor. People think Kingdom Come is bad…okay…but damn LL, people don’t even OWN your albums anymore.

Raekwon…yeah, until he manages to put out an actual good album this decade (Only Built For Cuban Links is over 10 years old now…hmmm, one hot album every 10 year average, anyone?) he can shut the fuck up too. In fact, all these niggas need to be easy. In my opinion, Jay needs to just do a song called “Like Father, Like Son” and just take Lil Wayne down a notch or two since, ya know, he BIRTHED that nigga’s whole persona and style.

I hate Black people sometimes.

I think I’ll just stop there.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 5th, 2006 at 9:59 am and is filed under Celebrity Fun, Entertainment, Randomness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.