…but I must first set up the scenario.
And I will also assume that this is largely a female phenomenon as most men probably wouldn’t get caught up in caring too much.
In the beginning, there was rap.
Now that we have that out of the way, let us continue.
Say that you and your homechicas go to the club one day, or perhaps to a social gathering. There are various menfolks there and you end up taking up with one of the fellows. He’s nice enough and you all are enjoying the conversation. A bunch of his boys are there but you aren’t talking to them since you took up with your new manfriend. Let’s call him Gerald.
R.I.P. Gerald Levert.
We need to give you a name too huh. We shall call you Sheryld. Or her, Sheryld. I never pay attention to tense or anything, so sue me.
So Sheryld and Gerald spend the whole night talking, exhange information, or maybe even go out that night. Hey, they’re just two crazy kids having fun.
Let’s say a few days later, Sheryld and Gerald go to Gerald’s boy’s house for a get-together. Let’s call his boy, Harold.
So Sheryld and Gerald show up, and Harold and the rest of his invited guests are there, yuckin’ it up and getting slizzard off that Patron or something.
Or maybe they’re just playing Parcheesi.
You pick.
Anyway, during the course of the night, and after getting to know Gerald’s boys a little better, Sheryld realizes that Harold is WAY more interesting and perhaps even way better suited for her than Gerald is. I mean, she’s really enjoying talking to him and he seems completely genuine and like a completely good guy. Not that Gerald isn’t, but for some reason, she feels herself “clicking” with Harold.
But she’s “with” Gerald.
Dilemma?
The reason I ask this question is because I have actually witnessed this shit recently. None of the folks involved read this…but when I took a step back and really paid attention to what was going on I said to myself, “poor girl, she picked the wrong one.”
So to the ladies, how much of an occurence is this? Does this happen all the time? And what do you do about it? Do you just suck it up and let it ride or do you go for yours?
Hell, has this actually happened to any dudes?? Like you started messing with one chick and then met her friend and was like, “fuck…I totally like her friend more…”???
I find it to be a funny situation actually, which is why I really want to know how prevalent it is.
Also, Snoop’s song with R “I Ain’t Going To Jail” Kelly, “That’s That” is my new favorite song. I love that shit.
Sugarpants, signing off.
Damn, Sugarpants gets me everytime.
You know, I was recently thinking about this. I sort of have this crush on two friends, but for different reasons, I guess. One’s more practical, the other is more wishful thinking (i.e. I see red flags but I’m trying to ignore them). I’m not dating either one, so I guess I don’t fit exactly into your scenario. But this kind of stuff happens a lot. It sucks. If you’re the type of girl who doesn’t date somebody else’s friend after you’ve dated them, then it sucks. You end up having to choose which one you like more based upon the few things you’ve seen about either of them. What if you pick the wrong one? What if you pick too soon? So many factors, so little time. I’m the type to suck it up and make the decision and stick with it. UNLESS I haven’t made any committal moves, outwardly. Then I can still save face until I’ve committed to a team. Yeah, the key is not to make any sudden committal moves from jump.
I agree with Liz. You gotta realize from jump, if you are not “clicking” with guy A, then keep it SUPER casual, so if guy A has some hot friends, it’s not too late to jump ship. You could start talking to hot friend B, and when A confronts you, feign complete ignorance. “OH! I thought we were JUST FRIENDS! aren’t we?”
been there in almost exactly the way you described. i chalked it. my thinking is that if a woman shows up with a man to a gathering, then turns around and gets up on his friend, said friend won’t take her seriously. so he’ll just view her as an easy f*ck or whatever and she loses both guys either way.
This is a problem? *confused look*
don’t you just switch gears and take the one you want? or keep both?
you know, like when you buy the most fabulous purse, but then you see an EVEN more fabulous purse and you’ve already checked out and don’t feel like going through the stress and the hassle of returning the item, so you just decide to keep both.
oh, that’s just me? oops.
Damn. I don’t think this ever happened to me.
First off “Gerald” is wrong for taking this chick he JUST MET to his boy’s party. That is a NO NO.
@Doc: He’s wrong for bringing his new chick to his boy’s party?? Didn’t that shit happen in Love Jones like very shortly after they just met?
Now, introducing her to his mom, maybe…but your boys can be a good gauge on whether or not to actually keep her around.
@Jen: yes, it’s just you.
I have never known the switch to happen without casualties. Does it matter if they aren’t close personally – like what about business associates? Newly formed friendship?
@Diva: I’d say boys are boys. Maybe they aren’t best of friends in the world, but they know eachother on more than a passing basis. They kick it but don’t necessarily call one another about eachother’s problems. Hell, I have friends like that…
guys get so territorial – though it’s funny. So where do you draw the line, if guy A spots you first, but guy B makes you weak in the knees on some you had me at hello shit, what’s a girl to do?
do you think this is a case of not meant to be?
I think this happens a lot. It would take one smooth chick to pull it off, and the guys would have to be worth the extra energy to do so. Few guys are worth the extra energy – besides you, of course *snicker*
I had this happen to me. Except me and my guy had known each other a long time. We broke up and I started to get to know his friend. Imagine how pissed I was to find out that my ex had kept me and his friend away from each other because he knew we had more in common. In the end, I let it ride.
Also, I witnessed this in the summer. This girl was crushing on this guy. He kept her at arms length but she brought him to an event like they were together. He was not feeling her and realy only came to scope out her friends. There was one chick he liked or at least wanted to get to know outside of the group. they never hooked up because the one he wanted, after seeing them all, knew how the other girl was crushing on him. He missed out on both women because he allowed the crushing chick to believe she had a chance when really all he was doing was using her as a pass to gain access to her network of friends.
@BPD: Yes, I’m clearly worth it. I’m glad you recognize.
Luckily as a man…as long as the one you got is fine, it’s usually easy to just chalk it up. Assuming of course she can read. And doesn’t think Iran is what I do every morning.
I would def. go after the dude b but maybe more so in a “you’re mad cool we should hang soon” type of way just to get the ball rolling. then slowly ease off dude a. but this is why you gotta meet the friends first before you make anything official.
this happened to me one time (in a post-clubbing drunken frenzy, I sat at a booth with a group of anonymous ladies at an all night dennys and ended up focusing on and eventually bagging the one who I thought was the most attractive. When I finally sobered up three days later and went to her apartment to watch the nba draft, I realized that I’d doublely fucked up because I was much more attracted to and compatible with both of her other roommates, who both were also at denny’s that night) Because I was raised right, I ended up just not talking to any of them. It sucks being raised right sometimes. This story makes me sad.
@ Michelle – I agree. Good form!
But for those of you who have an issue with this: Consider hypothetically that it is years later. Sheryld and Gerald have lost touch, broken up, or whatever. And now Gerald is married to some other girl. Boy B and Sheryld happen to run into each other. Would he be fair game at that point for her?
I’m gonna put a few things on this
I dont date the friends. I dont care if I think he is a match made in heaven it will only be a fuckin disaster. Either I will be looked at like a “pass around hoe” or I find out I was only interested in the “naughtyness” of the whole attraction (sometimes you are attracted to your SO friend only because it just seems wrong) at first it may seem to be a better match, but you could fuck all sorts of shit up. Homeboy is gonna get mad at his friend (not always the case) then how STRANGE will it feel to show up with your ex’s boy at the NEXT party. If something like that happens, it also means you are not as attracted to the person you are with as you thought, and maybe you should think about that too. I personally would have to chalk that one up as a loss, maybe in the future if we were to meet on a different circumstance, that may change things. I say, just dont do it. Too many variables for me.
Please, just because you “click” with someone at a party doesn’t mean you should really try to be with them. Everybody’s been drinking and everybody seems cool as hell in a party situation. If you happen to bump into each other somewhere else like Starbucks or at the bank or something and you talk while you’re sober and you still click, then maybe you should try it. All kinds of red flags go up the longer you get to know a person. Sherald should just try to see if Gerald’s red flags are better or worse than Harold’s.
Karma’s a bytch. I’d stick with Gerald.
Note: I didn’t say Harold’s digits wouldn’t be stored in my cell and a chance meeting wouldn’t occur months later.