“…although, y’all might’ve been trying to engineer an upset with the average ass pics of beyonce and the most bangin’ pics of lisa raye you could find.” - Johnny Kwest from Round 1’s Janet Jackson Bracket

“Man, you didn’t do Sanna no justice with the picture selection homie…” - MONK from Sweet 16 Janet Jackson Bracket

“lauren (only because you posted wack pics of sanaa)” - Raven AKA Stringer Bell’s mistress from Sweet 16 Janet Jackson Bracket

Those very comments have been a very common thread of doing this tournament these past two years. I’ve received way more actual phone calls and emails from people than those comments up there. The Champ has had similar experiences.

But let me tell you something about some of these women. They photograph like shit. Literally. And the problem with being a celebrity and photographing like shit is that all of your shitty photographs end up all over the Internet.

The Internet is also known as the place where we get our pictures.

Add to the fact that some of these broads have very few actual quality photograph opportunties (magazines, lots of movies, etc.) anyway (i.e. Lauren London, Keshia Knight-Pulliam, Kerry Washington, Tia Mowry, etc.) and I’m frickin’ pulling for upsets just so I won’t have to spend 100 hours trying to find one decent picture of these chicks.

For instance, you probably have NO clue how long I spent trying to find decent pictures of Sanaa Lathan. My goodness does she take some horrible ass pictures. Some of her pictures look like pure d shit. The pictures that I posted?? The best I could do. Hell, I’m hoping she loses out here just so that I don’t have to keep trying to find pictures of her…but then…

…Lauren London would win and, well, let me just tell you to google Lauren London to see what I was working with. I had about as many options as a one armed one legged flying purple people eater trying to find a one armed one legged yellow onesy.

Of course if Prince was in town, I’m sure our one armed one legged flying purple people eater could find an outfit, but you get the point. Not many options.

Compare that to googling Heather Hunter or any of numerous porn stars out there. Hell, I can find a million pictures of them. Shit, Jenna Jameson…she’s everywhere, ass and titties just aswayin’. Titties is a funny word.

Speaking of titties but not really at all, I saw the movie The Breakup last night for the first time. That movie is fuckin’ horrible. I’d heard how great it was. Liars…all of you that told me it was great are liars. I like my romantic comedies to end a certain way, not the other way (and realize I just made that unclear statement as to not spoil it for anybody who has yet to see it). Even the damn alternate ending sucked. It’s like the white version of Love Jones…and I don’t think Love Jones was that good.

Yeah, I said it.

Back to the lecture at hand. You know what really kills me? Some of these “famous” women don’t even have their own websites. Dude, I have my own website. AND a MySpace page. Websites are some of the best promotion they can have. There is no reason Lauren London doesn’t have a site that I can go to and steal pictures of her for this tournament. In fact, that might become the new criteria next year: If you don’t have a plethora of pictures available, you are by defintion, not a celebrity and clearly nobody cares about you, hereby making you disqualified for this tournament.

Further, if I have more pictures of myself up than I can find of you on the Internet, you are not a celebrity and should go seek out Fabolous and shoot yourself.

So the next time you get some free time and want to find me some decent pictures of Sanaa Lathan, feel free to shoot them my way, because for now, short of some movie stills I’ve found recently, she is one of the worst photographing “celebrities” and needs Jesus.

Thank you.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 25th, 2006 at 9:34 am and is filed under October Madness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.