[*** If you don't already have your downloadable PDF file, October Madness 2006 bracket, download it here: Download file ***]

Welcome to the second half of the first day of the last third of your life.

I do this for my culture.

And if that made no sense to you, then just welcome to the second half of Round 1 of October Madness 2006 ladies and gentlemen. You may scream and get excited and be merry and shit now.

*crowd screams and gets excited and be’s merry and shit*

We, the people…eh, scratch that, we, the good people and pimptastic ninjas of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises and The Royal Youngs would like to thank you for your participation in this year’s tournament. And so far it’s been a doozy. First and foremost, I will be doing an indepth anaylsis of Round 1 next week by bringing in last year’s JGT Senior Analyst Dr. Hida Mann. He’s the one who told the world that Barack Obama, was indeed, not a dime. He’s chomping at the bit to get some airtime and address some of the complaints that have been levied against the Tournament selection committee.

And yes bitches, complaints have been levied. Now, WWPD??

C’mon now, altogether now.

In Unison: FUCK YOU HATERS!

That’s what Panama’d do.

Ah yes, Vote or die ninjas. Vote or die. There’s really never a solid place to put that statement in these posts, so I figured there was just as good a place as any.

Similarly, I tried to fill out my own bracket. I couldn’t even do it. It gets really hard after the first round. I just up and quit because I couldn’t chose between the women I love…which would be damn near all of them.

Well today the tournament continues with myself, Panama Muhf***in’, bring you mothertruckas the world famous DJ Clue…er…silly me…the world famous Nia Long. Yes, this bracket has been named after one of the finest to ever have done it. Actually we’ll get to that in a second. First, let me say that sometime tomorrow, I will place in this post the thus far tally for the Janet Jackson bracket. And let me tell you, after just a cursory look over how the votes may be falling, I have one thing to say…”watch out for the big girl…watch out for the big girl.” Word to Baltimore.

So let’s just get into the proceedings ladies and gentlemen. Make sure you also go visit The Champ’s site and check out what he has going on in the Halle “My Breasts Are Too Supple To Box With God” Berry bracket. As is usual, both The Champ and I provide our personal picks and predictions, though neither of them hold any weight here at all. We just like sharing since sharing is caring.

By the way, for those people who don’t venture here very often, my favorite word is: supple. In fact, let’s see how many times I can use it.

While the Champ brings you the supple Halle Berry bracket, I am here to bring you the bracket named after the one, the only–

“…I couldn’t leave it alone, I thought I needed a Nia Long…”

Yes ninjas, I’d like to welcome you to:

THE NIA LONG BRACKET

Do y’all know she doesn’t have her own website? Why wouldn’t a supple woman like her not have her own website? Anyway…Bobby Caldwell has a song called “What You Won’t Do For Love”…well I have a similar feeling, you see, I don’t think you know what I’d do just to touch one her hips. I don’t need to fondle her or anything, I just want to touch. Like Omarion. Only with way less dancing with a light skinned chick with no ass. Nia Long, I salute you if only because you don’t want to hear about no gotdamn peas. Me neither…and fuck cauliflower too while we’re at it!

(All of the pictures can be clicked on for bigger versions…however, some of these pictures are huckin’ fuge so if you’re at work and you click and you get Tyra’s titties all up in your Excel spreadsheet…it ain’t my fault.)

(1) Zoe Saldana vs. (8) Tia Mowry

Panama’s Take on Zoe Saldana: Ever since I saw Drumline, I’ve wanted to put a pounding on that supple ass. My Latina princess, brown bombshell, so so sexxy lady of the Shrine of Accented Honeysuckle, how do I tell thee how fine I think you are? Simple, I just say it. Girl, you’re fine. You know, she doesn’t have as much body as perhaps, say Lisa Raye, but she has a smile that could stop traffic. Plus, she kind of has a hiss thing in her voice that makes her that much cuter to me. Sounds like she has some Mexican in her or something, and I’m not talking Vicente Fox, people!

*rimshot*

Random ass “trivia” found on the Intenet: I’m telling you, the facts you can find on the internet are just astounding. Like, did you know she’s of Afro-Dominican descent? Me neither. I had to search long and hard for that one. You know, it’s times like this I want to thank the people at places like IMDB for putting 1 and 1 together for me. You see, I knew she was one of the Negro Dominicans, I just didn’t realize that if you put that shit together, it made her Afro-Dominican. Glory day!

Panama’s Take On Tia Mowry: Because I’m such a genius, I didn’t even really think about the fact that if Tia won anything it’s a win for her sister, Tamera as well. Apparently, the rest of the world would agree as well since it’s fuckin’ hard as hell to find pictures of her by herself. Hell, I can’t even tell them apart. She’s broken out on her own with this new TV show on the Former Negro Network, The CW Network, which is how she even got noticed in the first place. You know, this is somewhat disturbing because I have an ex-girlfriend who looks similar to her(them). you can just call that random Panama trivia. The more you know. Ding! So let’s see…hmm….I’d totally sop her up wtih a biscuit. Not as supple as the other chicks, but you knowwhat…she could still get it. Plus, you get the added bonus of potentially finding out how she (they’re) different. No downside here. Supple. I just felt like using that word.

Hmm…does anybody actually read any of this shit or do you just look at the pictures and vote?

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: Ah, they were born in Germany. They are military brats. Mr. Me Too. That’s cool. Apparently the U.S. Military has figured out what the rest of the nation hasn’t. Creating bi-racial babies is that shit! So many half-breeds I know are military brats, including yours truly. Amazing.

Panama’s Pick: Zoe Saldana
Panama’s Prediction: Zoe Saldana (I actually think Tia is finna get blowed the fuck out)
Champ’s Pick: Zoe Saldana
Champ’s Prediction: Zoe Saldana

(3) Paula Patton vs. (6) Res

Panama’s Take on Paula Patton: As the newfound object of my exploitative affection, let me just say, after seeing her in Idlewild, especially her back while she was getting her horizontal polka on with Andre 3000 that this mammajamma is one bad mother (shut my mouth). THEN, just tonight, I saw the preview for the movie she’s in with Denzel called Deja Vu…even looking all caked up with dirt and grime she looks fine as the fuck. Not just fine as fuck. No, that won’t cover it, fine as THE fuck. To hell with drinking her bathwater, I want to BE her bathwater. You know, them Shai ninjas had it all wrong. They just wanted to be some chicks comforter. That’s dumb, who wants to be somebody’s blanket. I mean, in the summer it gets hot and what if its a wool comforter. Me, I will be your bathwater, I will keep it hoo-oooo-oooot. And if you don’t know who the fuck Shai is, go kill yourself. Oh yeah, she’s supple.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: To hell with the Net, she is married to Robin Thicke of “Wanna Love You Girl” fame. Now, I’m usually just jealous of white people for that whole world domination thing, corporate power and freedom to kind of do as they please when they want. But now, he has that supple ass black woman at his disposal…good got damn. The Gods must be crazy, because she drives me Idlewild…which is also the name of an Allman Brothers album.

Panama’s Take on Res: I’m not really sure what to say about Res. Only because I’ve had a crush on her for a while now which means I think she’s hot. Or at least has hot knees. I mean, her stomach is sexxy and supple. Her hair is often supple. I mean, she’s just a supple chick. Plus she sings songs that have strange meanings which makes her hotter because I don’t really know what the fuck she’s talking about sometimes. Dude, ambiguity is so sexxy. And supple. In all truth, I think Res is just hot. She’s not conventionally hot she’s just hot. Nuff said…and for kicks, yeah she could get it.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: Hmm…how about when you find out some shit about her you tell me, mmkay? Short of MySpace I can’t really find shit. So I’ll just say that her song, “700 Mile Situation”, is my shit. My shit, do ya hear me?

Panama’s Pick: Paula Patton
Panama’s Prediction: Paula Patton (unless the haters come out and pretend like she ain’t hot. Die haters die!)
Champ’s Pick: Res
Champ’s Prediction: Res

(4) Tyra Banks vs. (5) Amerie

(Talk about an epic battle! It’s the Body Party Battle at the Blog. It’s Legs VS. Head!!!)

Panama’s Take On Tyra Banks: So let’s put it all on the table, Tyra has the best jubblies on Earth. I mean, she has some really nice breasts. When I say supple you say Tyra: Supple (TYRA!) Supple (TYRA!) Good googly moogly. And the rest of her is nice too. She’s just hot. She’s got all that Inglewood body with those supple wondrous jubblies. Don’t you just want to touch them? I know I do. Hi, my name is Panama and I’m not a Catholic priest…because I like breasts. Not sure how that one works with the big fella upstairs ya know. I mean on the one hand, I’m a perve, but on the other hand, at least I’m not touching little boys under the guise of doing God’s work. I’ll bet God has a lot of paperwork to do these days.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: I’ve tired of looking up facts so fuck it. Tyra is a starfucker. There. I said it.

Panama’s Take on Amerie: If you discount the fact that she has like zero body (and don’t believe the push-up bra shot in there either), Amerie’d be like the baddest chick on two legs. Okay, saying two legs presumes that there might be a bad chick running around here on 4 legs. And I’m not into beastiality, so we’re just gonna move on, mmkay? Amerie has legs to die for and a voice that just might kill you. Thing is, she also seems like the kind of fine chick that you can actually obtain. I feel like I could see her kind of fine out here in these streets. You know, really, I just want to touch her legs one good time. After that damn “1 Thing” video, I’ve had dreams about her legs. Okay, that’s not true, but it makes for good fodder for blogs. Dude, I forgot, supple.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Intenet: She’s one of the few Black entertainers in this country (half-breed actually…and also, military brat; coincidence? I think not), who actually started college and finished. I believe she has a degree in English and I know for a fact she went to Georgetown. Can you say keeper? I can. Keeper.

Panama’s Pick: This is fuckin’ tough. I quit.
Panama’s Prediction: Tyra Banks
Champ’s Pick: Tyra
Champ’s Prediction: Tyra

(2) Christina Milian vs. (7) Gabrielle Union

Panama’s Take on Christina Milian: What can I say, she’s just a little sexxy hot mama. She’s supple as shit too. She just makes me want to…well, I can’t even say it. True, her last album was more booty than Buffy the Body, but she still looked good promoting that garbage. And in my book that makes her a-okay with me. Plus, who wouldn’t like to have her around…well, besides Nick Cannon. Seriously, do you believe he was actually cheating on her? That just goes to show you that the age old adage is very true: Show me a pretty woman and I’ll show you a man who’s tired of fucking her. Damn shame too…kind of casts a negative light on marriage doesn’t it. It’s also why I’m only gonna date 4’s and lower from here on out. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m too sexxy for that shit.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: Seriously, Nick Cannon was cheating on her. Either he’s really smart and she be on some Halle Berry type shit, or he’s really stupid. I haven’t figured out which one yet. I will say this, I’d like the chance to get tired fo her. You can print that Officer. Oh wait…

Panama’s Take on Gabrielle Union: She’s just adorable which is what makes this matchup so hard. I mean, she’s supple in all the right places and I mean who wouldn’t want to date Gabrielle Union. I know I would love the shot. Hell, I actually own the DVD of The Brothers because of her. And no, you didn’t see it. Or at least I hope you didn’t. It just dawned on me that her and Sanaa Lathan probably compete for all of the same roles. They’re like the same damn person. Then again, so are all the Black actors and actresses in Hollywood with the exception of Terrence Howard. Speaking of which, did you hear that in the biopic of Eazy E, Jerry Heller wants to cast Terrence Howard as…get this…DR. DRE!!! I know we want him to play in every movie with ninjas but that’s just taking it too far. Granted, you can’t waste his talent by making him play DJ Yella. Perhaps he should just be Bizzy Bone. Wow that shit had very little to do with Gabrielle Union…but fuck it, she’s fine and you all know it.

Random ass “trivia” found on the Internet: I have nothing. Oh…get this. She shot the movie Constellation, which to my knowledge has yet to see the light of day, in Huntsville, Alabama. Panama…went to high school in Huntsville, Alabama. See, me and Gabby have more in common than being ballers in 6’s…get it, more in common? Yeah, Huntsville bitch.

Panama’s PIck: This is also too hard. I mean, I love them both.
Panama’s Prediction: Gabrielle Union (I think more women can identify with her and women seem to be voting more)
Champ’s Pick: Christina Milian
Champ’s Prediction: Gabrielle Union

***

Thus concludes Round 1 of October Madness 2006. Make sure you vote with your fingers and put your picks in the comments section. Then make sure you head over to The Champ’s site to vote in the Halle Berry bracket. Then make sure you get a good night’s rest and floss. Always floss. Oh oh…and make sure you wear your seat belt too. Panama believes in safety first…speaking of which, use protection.

Tuesday brings us to the Sweet 16 and make sure to tune in Monday for some expert analysis.

Vote or die! People died for your right to vote so exercise it ninja…exercise your rights!

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