I love election season. Here, in the Washington, DC, area, thousands and thousands of front yards and random street corners are filled with placards endorsing a wide array of candidates for a wide array of elected positions.

And aside from the complete waste of resources and urban blight it creates, it really is quite entertaining, if not altogether ludicrous.

For instance, I was driving down Georgia Avenue, on the Montgomery County, Maryland, side one day and I noticed a huge billboard for Steven Silverman, County Executive hopeful for Montgomery County. On this billboard he asked the question of all drivers, “Are you tired of traffic? If so, vote Silverman”, or some such other non-sense. I looked at his website and sure enough, traffic congestion is one of his main issue areas that he plans to take care of if elected.

Be still my beating heart, a candidate who cares about something I care about.

To bad I live in District because I sure would love to benefit from less congestion.

For those not in the DC area, there are two means for doing this: 1) the Inter-County Connector, a much needed highway connecting northern parts of Montgomery County with Prince George’s County somewhere; and 2) the much ballyhooed Purple Line on the Metro (Washington’s subway system), which will eliminate some of the complete unnecessary time travel created by the forefathers of Metro due to its sometimes non-sensical routes.

There are two parts of this that strike me as odd. For one, both of those projects have been in the works for quite some time. It’s not like he’s going to come into office and suddently they are the top priority. If you live in Washington, traffic is a top priority for everybody.

And secondly, dude, you’re totally not going to eradicate traffic congestion.

Not gonna happen. Traffic is a function of people. Washington area? Yep, we got lots of people. But at least he’s saying he’ll do it.

Or take a candidate for County Exec. in Prince George’s County, Rushern Baker. For the first time last night I saw his ad where he plans to change PG County, Maryland around. He says, “imagine a PG County that’s first in education and last in crime…”

Well, yeah, you’re definitely going to have to imagine that because as far as I can tell, in the DC area, it’s last in education and definitely giving DC-proper a run for its money at being first in crime.

But at least, he has the right spirit.

And all of the politicians vying for office say the exact same thing and make all of the same promises that will rarely see the light of day. Anthony Williams, for all of his faults, at least made a change in DC.

He got lots of black folks out and brought a lot of white folks in. I didn’t say it was a good or bad change, but its a change nonetheless.

And he got us a stadium deal that will bleed a city dry that needs all the money it can to stop crime. But hey, we need baseball in DC. Plus, it might kick up my property values.

Oh yeah, I don’t have any property because DC costs an arm and a leg to live in. There are houses going on my block for over $600,000. I saw a prostitute in my neighborhood last week, and if this one woman asks me if I’m “holding” one more time, I just might run over her with my car.

Granted, I live in DC’s up-and-coming Bloomingdale neighborhood, but good googly moogly, that’s a lot of money for a house and a ho.

But you know what, the Mayoral candidates have all addressed that as well as both Adrian Fenty and Linda Cropp, and hell probably Vincent Orange, have all made affordable housing a priority. Glory day.

You know what, elected officials are like the worst relationships you’ve ever had magnified. They tell you everything you need to hear to feel better about keeping them around while they screw you behind closed doors. Then when they get caught, they blame things on prior administrations (previous boyfriends/girlfriends) and constraints they have and never quite tell you the total truth. They tell you what they think you want or need to hear in order to feel better about yourself which will make you feel better about them.

Usually while doing as much as possible to do as little as possible.

Gosh I love politics.

I sound jaded I know. But if you worked where I worked and did what I did and saw what I saw you’d be the most cynical bastard on Earth too.

Let’s just say, I handle the money. And lots of it. For the people who get to decide how you, me, him, and her, would be best served by it.

Politics.

Thing is, you have to vote for somebody. There’s no reason not to vote. I’m a firm believer in the old adage that if you don’t vote you have no right to complain. And for all of the non-sensical campaign promises that we all know will never come to fruition or the non-sensical photo-ops where its painstakingly clear that they’d rather be somewhere else, at least they put on a good front. And that’s what politics are all about, the permanent campaign. Always smiling for the cameras and always making sure that you feel better about your decisions to vote for who you voted for.

Are the city’s coffers being drained unnecessarily? Maybe so, but hey, at least that Mayor cares about people. Hell, Marion Barry, who’s gathered quite the rap sheet in the past few years is still one of the most beloved politicians amongst Black people in Washington.

Today in the Washington area are the primaries and soon the nation will be electing new or incumbent Senators and Congressman, undoubtedly all people who will at least do us the courtesy of making us believe in them. And I for one appreciate that.

Smile and screw.

At least they’ll give you a kiss when they’re done…if you ask.

Even prostitutes don’t do that.

The second oldest profession wins out every time.

A house and a ho, a smile and a screw.

Man, I love politics.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 12th, 2006 at 9:49 am and is filed under Ignorance, Politics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.