[***EDIT: I've created a new blog to chronicle the goings ons of the Wednesday night Open Mic at Bohemian Caverns. The new and good googly moogly Stock13 Report should be checked out for your livelihood and well being. Umm...its at Blogger so just pretend it's shiny and sexxy. A link has been added to the right as well. Come one, come all.***]
Happy Birthday! (Yeah that’s to you…)
I read somewhere (I think on MTV) that Beyonce said it took her something like two weeks to complete this album.
After hearing it, my first response is: Well, no shit.
Oh, I will be making some disparaging comments about MTV a little bit later on in this album review, I just don’t feel like it right now. It might break up my flow.
Beyonce returns with her second solo offering on September 5, as a follow up to her huge-selling and hit spawning album, Dangerously In Love. To be fair, I didn’t really like that album all that much either. It had its hot moments, but as a whole work…bleh.
Before I get started, I’d like to say that I’m getting a little bit tired of these artists coming out and basically releasing other people’s albums under their own name. Oh, I see you have no clue what I’m talking about. Let me explain. Way back in like 1997 before anybody knew who he was, a light skinned, huge yellow pant wearing, and fresh-from-jail Chico DeBarge descended upon Morehouse College’s campus with one popular Tracy Lee (of “It’s Party Time” fame). They both were signing autographs and nobody went to Chico’s line. At the time Tracy Lee was popular…talk about short lived popularity.
Well, not to be discouraged by anybody’s lack of Nobody-Gives-A-Shit-Itis, Chico managed to release one of the best albums of 1997/1998. The only problem was that he didn’t release his own album, he released D’Angelo’s follow up to Brown Sugar causing D’Angelo to have to go into the lab and record Voodoo and change his style altogether. And we all know how that one turned out.
Actually pretty good, but that’s neither here nor there.
[***Sidenote: There seem to be two different schools of thought on D'Angelo: either you're a Brown Sugar person or a Voodoo person. Me? I'm a Brown Sugarer. Okay, that sounded gay. But you get my point. Voodoo is an amazing work and signalled his departure from normalcy and was clearly done in the vein of simplicity and lots of cocaine, but nothing gets me like "Me and Those Dreamin' Eyes of Mine". In my own attempts to release a classic album that divides fans that I don't have yet, I've taken to heron blunts laced with Lysol. Thank you. ***]
Then in another case of mistaken identity, in 2005, Jon Legend released his multi-platinum album, Get Lifted, to much critical acclaim and commercial applause. Much to the chagrin of one Carl Thomas since basically, Jon released Carl Thomas’ third solo album. Not that it wasn’t a good album, but here goes little Jon Stephens parading around the world singing songs that Carl knows he should have been singing. It’s been storied that Carl Thomas was last seen on the ledge on the 15th floor of a hotel in NYC yelling to anybody that will listen that “he’s just an ordinary person…and the only place he knows to go is down…” I sure hope that the summer rain doesn’t make the ledge slipperly, what with him being all emotional and everything. He might actually jump.
Well, Beyonce has joined in the latest line of album jackers. You see, this album has a decidedly different bent to it than what you’d expect from Beyonce. Her vocal stylings, the beat selections, the overall unimaginativeness of the concepts…it would seem that Beyonce has gone and released…
…Amerie’s third album.
Even stole her singing style on a few songs. No, that’s not a good thing. Not exactly a bad thing either but you never hear anybody say that Amerie can sing. We all just talk about the “1 Thing” video and her legs.
You know, she has really nice legs that Amerie does.
The Amerie-esqueness of this album can be felt right from the beginning on the album’s opening track, the summer wood-classic, “Deja Vu”. The shrill yelling she’s doing on this track are very resemblent of Amerie. Hell it’s damn near her trademark right now. Sing as if every song hurts. And not in the pain from the heart, but more like pain from the spleen and pancreas. If you’d asked me back in May when this song leaked if it would have been a dud, I’d say you’re crazy.
Apparently we were all had. It could be the formulaic nature of it, or the just blah feel of it that didn’t really resonate with anybody in the club. But do you know why the song tanked? Like the real reason?
There’s no dance you can identify with it. Everybig hit that’s come out this summer has had some dance that could be easily identified with it. Take Yung Joc’s Pantheon level club banger (and my vote for best song of the year). Who can’t do that? Or Lil Jon’s “Snap Yo’ Fingers”. Or E-40’s “Tell Me When To Go”. For God’s sake, even E-40 had a hit!!!
This is also her fault since when she came out back in 2003 with “Crazy In Love” she had the Beyonce Booty Bounce that women across the nation, ass or not, were enthralled with as men watched. It was the dance that kept on giving. Everybody could participate.
Beyonce…there is no deja vu.
By the way, there are only 10 new songs on this album. Two weeks indeed.
Swizz Beatz comes through on the second track “Get Me ‘Bodied” and recycles the same beat he’s given to damn near everybody. It was cool at first, you know the loud claps and stutter-stop beats, but now its just annoying as the living fuck. Especially since he’s been doing it for like years now. Swizzle must be stopped. Oh…yeah, this song just isn’t that good.
Now the Amerie-ness really kicks off. The third song “Suga Mama” sounds like it came straight from the Amerie vaults, which is a shame because this would have been a great song for Amerie to return with. I’m not sure if he produced it or not, but if this isn’t a Rich Harrison track, then somebody is straight studying ole boy’s style. You could close your eyes and hear Amerie all over this. Mind you, the song is banging like shit…this is hot enough for men and women alike to bump down the street at elderly-death levels.
Oh, since I didn’t say this, Beyonce can clearly sing better than Amerie. So there is SOME vocality here…just not so much. And umm, she begins this song by saying “Damn, that was so good, makes me wanna buy him a short set.”
Beyonce should not speak on her songs ever again.
Don’t you love how long this is?
The song “Freakum Dress” is another un-inspired ass song that sounds like an Amerie throwaway. Not much to say here since it called “Freakum Dress”…basically, you should your put freakum (as in freak him) dress on. Once again, there is nothing to most of these songs. If you thought “Bootylicious” was lyrical mastery, well, you will not be disappointed.
And for the record, I happened to love “Bootylicious”.
The song “Upgrade U” featuring Jay-Z is one that’s grown on me. Basically, having her in your life will result in her upgrading you from lifestyle. I assume it means you’ll eat better as well.
But get this people…she actually says this line:
“I’ll do for you what Martin did for the people…”
And I KNOW she ain’t talking about Martin Lawrence who was last seen toting a gun somewhere around Florence and Normandie in Los Angeles. That Beyonce, just when you think she can’t do more for Black America, she goes and offers to provide racial healing.
God bless Beyonce. Viva la Civil Rights Movement. I wonder how Coretta feels about that?
“Kitty Kat” (I mean are you reading these song titles???) is pretty hot…well, I like it anyway. But the shining star on the album is in the Neptunes produced track “Green Light”. This song has three different movements (okay not really, but work with me). It goes from dance to funk to R&B-ish all in 3:29. And its aboutu giving a man a green light. You know, she definitely went for the Snakes On A Plane approach with these song titles. Just left nothing to the imagination at all. This SHOULD have been a single. In fact either this or “Suga Mama” should have been singles instead of both “Deja Vu” or “Ring The Alarm”.
Ah yes, I forgot about “Ring the Alarm”. I do not like this song at all. And I think the video blows. But I don’t like this song for one reason:
Fergie’s song “London Bridge” is like 10 times better and they sound too similar to me.
Plus, why she yelling? And where in the Hell did she get the inspiration for this? I mean its clearly not about Rihanna, that’s been stated numerous times, so where is the pent up aggression coming from? Is she upset about Jay-Z’s mother hanging around too much? Is that the girl on his arm? Inquiring minds would like to know.
The album closes out with two songs where she does prove that she can still sing, “Irreplaceable” and “Resentment”. These are less dancy type numbers and more the mid-tempo stuff that would have fit on the last album. On “Irreplaceable” she breaks down how basically she can find another man if need be. Jay-Z beware. And “Resentment”…well if you guessed it had ANYTHING to do with resentment, congratulations, you can read.
Oh my favorite line from “Irreplaceable” is: “to the left to the left, everything you own in a box to the left…”
Let ‘em know B…let ‘em know!!!
Oh yes, I was going to say something about MTV, the bastards. There is this group out of B-Town (Berkeley, CA) called The Pack. They have a song that’s been gaining crazy momentum all over the Net. It’s called “Vans”. Perhaps you’ve heard it. Part of the chorus goes, “got my Vans on but they look like sneakers…” Shit is bananas for some reason actually. Anyway, apparently MTV initially banned the video because it comes down to being basically a 4 minute product advertisement for Vans sneakers. Well, because MTV is such a paragon of non-exploitation, they weren’t having it. AT MTV, they don’t believe in product placement, which is why they bleep out certain logos and shit from your favorite rappers videos.
Apparently, MTV doesn’t have a contract with Vans since Nelly’s damn “Air Force One’s” was ALL OVER MTV a few years ago. Or perhaps you remember Busta Rhymes featuring Puffy and Pharrell’s “Pass The Couvoisier?” You do? Good….yeah, they didn’t have any problem playing that shit. Fuck, when “Air Force One’s” hit, you couldn’t find a pair in stores anymore, they were selling like crazy.
Well, I was watching MTV Jams on Sunday and the video is on MTV now. And do you know what the compromise turned out to be?
They bleep out the word “Vans”. Yes, the song’s namesake. What kind of shit is that??? I tell you, at least attempt to shield the BS you’re throwing at me…I mean good got damn. Nike is okay, but 4 niggas from Cali start singing about Vans (and throwing AF1’s away in the video, kind of funny actually), and we got to bleep it out.
Pussies.
Back to Beyonce…so this album isn’t great at all. And it’s low spots are pretty low, “Freakum Dress” in particular. It seems like she wrote that shit in something under 3 minutes and just said, fuck it. But the high points are great, particularly “Suga Mama” and “Green Light” and I’ll even add “Kitty Kat”. The rest of the songs teeter on blah to okay. Is it groundbreaking? No. Is it something for the hoodrats to cling too? Definitely. So it just hits right around better-than-mediocre-right-around-average.
Overall, its listenable but I don’t think it has much staying power, mostly because its short as the fuck and none of the songs is SO outstanding (i.e. “Crazy In Love”) that it will keep the album in people’s minds for a long time. It will go platinum (hell it’s Beyonce) but nobody will be talking about this years from now…
…except for Amerie who should be really pissed right now since Rich Harrison just gave away her next single to Beyonce.
And we all know how bad she needs a breakout single, what with not being able to sing and all.
As a reference, just go and listen to Destiny Fulfilled. It’s a MUCH better listening experience and you won’t even miss this shit. However, as of 9am this morning, it’s been proven that this album can grown on you…
Track Listing for B’ Day (realase September 5, 2006)
1. Deja Vu featuring Jay-Z
2. Get Me Bodied
3. Suga Mama
4. Upgrade U featuring Jay-Z
5. Ring The Alarm
6. Kitty Kat
7. Freakum Dress
8. Green Light
9. Irreplaceable
10. Resentment
11. Bonus Cuts: Check On It, Listen (from Dreamgirls Sdtk), Get Me Bodied Extended Version (I know not why they thought this was a good idea)
