It’s kind of like Snakes On A Plane, only not at all.

Let me just say this right now, I’m actually excited about the movie Snakes On A Plane, but only because I love the title. I’ve been running around telling people about the snakes on the planes for a while now. I like simple things.

I also like good things.

You know, I seriously can’t date a woman who uses sentences like that to answer questions like “what are your interests in life?”

Anyway…

When it comes to dating, there are certain principles that hold true; certain occurences that must occur for there to be actual occurences that occur for the balance of world power to make sense.

For instance, this is a usual order of operations. Man approaches woman. Woman sizes up man. Woman either rejects man (hopefully in a decent enough way) and man picks up face and saunters back to his boys who will joke him about it for the next 10-15 minutes. Or woman accepts man’s opening statement and agree’s to go into trial for a little discovery, litigation, and sentencing.

It usually happens like that in some way shape or form. And you know, when man gets rejected by woman I usually understand why a woman might be upset if a man makes some unnecessarily disparaging remarks because she turned him down. Hell, it’s usually his fault. I’m of the belief that the less a man says, the better he usually does.

Ladies?

YEAH!

I said Ladies!!?!?!

YEAH!!!!!

How many men have you dealt with that have blown a good date or some possible nude Twister because he just talked to much and said something stupid?

*all the ladies screaming*

See?

I’m often perturbed even when men go the asshole route because a woman just isn’t feeling him.

However…sometimes, just sometimes, I believe it’s warranted.

Follow me.

The following situation is real. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

One day not so long ago, this fellow named Pablo was riding the A train in Brooklyn. He caught the train at his normal time and sat down in a seat to begin his daily trek into the Big Apple. Upon sitting down, he noticed a woman that he’d seen on numerous trips on the same train at the same time. He always noticed her because she was attractive and there was something about her that caught his eye. She was special. And she noticed him too. He’d caught her looking before.

Pablo then walked away never to be heard from again.

Now, this heffa didn’t even need to do that. If there is one thing that is completely unnecessary in the pre-courting process, it’s total assholishness. Unless the woman is approached in a jackass manner, there is no need to be a jackass.

Panama’s Theorem of Relative Curse-ability: If you are to reject somebody, the way you are approached should be the way you reject. Anything less is uncivilized. If somebody rejects you in an assholish way after you’ve approached them in a respectful manner, you are well within your rights to say fucked up things to them.

It was written.

I’m sorry, but I almost wish a ninja WOULD try to play me like that on a train when I approach her on some humble stuff. I mean, the dude even said excuse me and opened up with safe lines as to not step on her toes or be overly aggressive or anything.

Oh yes, that mumbo jumbo about, “well Panama, you sexxy mofo you, you have no idea what could have happened her that morning, etc, yada yada yada…”

Yeah, save that shit for the falcons. Her life situation should have very little impact on the way she rejected him. There is a proper way to let a man down so that no unnecessary lives are lost. Think about this…a lot of us reading this are black…

…we KNOW that we’re crazy. Especially some black dudes. And for the white people…yeah, it’s true, a lot of us are nuts.

But we don’t drive around picking people off on some serial killer shit like other whi…oh wait…

Well, we don’t cut up people and place them in the refridgerator to eat later.

Yeah!

You see, my friend Pablo up there would have been well within his rights to ream her ass for that shit on the train.

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

There was no reason for her to be disrespectul. Hell, it was his first time ever speaking to her (and the last…can’t forget that part). And truthfully, I just don’t even really understand what would compel a woman to be jackass like that when a man approaches respectfully.

Okay, let’s think about that for a second. Women, do have to deal with a lot of crap from men on a daily basis. Especially the more attractive you are. I’m sorry, but ugly women just don’t have the same set of problems as pretty women.

But we’re all beautiful on the inside.

*ding*

In dealing with all of that, I can understand how a woman’s first reaction can be to get defensive and ready for the asshole to come out and say something like, “Hey ma, I been watching your ass jiggle for the past two months on the train now. I can’t wait til the train slows down so I can watch your breasticles sway with the brakes…so how about me and you just cut the bull and the sexual tension and just get better acquainted over a bottle of $4.99 champagne and some strawberries on my faux-real bear skin rug at my place??”

Okay, see, I can understand how that might get a little annoying. But is it fair to hold Pablo and every man that Pablo stands for in contempt because of the actions of a few?

“Naw…bitch I said naw…” ~ Day-Day, Friday After Next

In order for us to keep this thing moving, we need order.

We need ordeeeeeeeeeer.

I’m looking for insight into this matter, but I’ll tell you now, there is nothing good enough that can justify a woman being an asshole to a man for no good reason, unless he has slept with her before and he has forgotten in which case she would have been completely justified.

But to his knowledge, he had never slept with her.

Women, let this be a cautionary tale. Me? I might have had to return the asshole tenfold.

Amazing these lessons you can learn on the train.

And for kicks…

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

And for additional kicks, a new friend of mine who chastised me for not posting in quite a few days sent me this picture yesterday. You might live in the ghetto if you see this: