Last Night A DJ Tried To Take My Life
Have you ever been to the club and wanted to straight mollywop the DJ for being hands down the worst you’ve ever heard in your life?
That was me on Friday night.
I’m still pissed about it.
Let me paint you a picture.
A crowd of black people standing still. At 2am. While music is playing. Nary a drunk enough person in sight. People looking at one another in one accord as if to say, “this DJ fuckin’ sucks.”
If you’re young, gifted, and Black (and haven’t committed suicide in New York City in 1979…I’m still bitter about that), and live in Washington, DC, then mayhaps you’ve ventured to Ozio’s on a Friday evening.
Who am I bullshitting? You’ve probably been there more times than you care to admit. I don’t think I’ll be going back there anytime soon.
Since the inception of digital turntables, many DJ’s are now able to just bring a laptop and their turntables to the club and they have their sounds prepared ahead of time. Such was the case with this DJ. He dipped out for a good hour and played his tracklist. And do you know what that means?
It means this dude was playing entire songs. But it wasn’t entire songs you wanted to hear. He was playing 6 minute versions of songs like Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin”…fuck that…do you know what’s WORSE than that???
Check it.
You know how some album versions of songs fade out and turn into an interlude. Good googly moogly we were listening to interludes up in the club. Standing around like, “why the fuck am I listening to an interlude?”
AND.
He played all the good current shit around midnight when we got there. Ozio’s ain’t close til 3am. Or so I believe since I left at 2 something and slapped the bouncer on the way out.
My favorite song of 2006 is Yung Joc’s “It’s Going Down”. Fuck you. That song is bananas in the club. He played it at midnight. Never again.
In fact, he didn’t play a recently popular song from about 1230am til we left. This dude played Puffy and Mase “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down” (which I love) but still, folks would rather have heard something a little more recent.
AND.
I hate reggaeton. But I can take it in spurts. For a straight hour though? When NOBODY is dancing to it? El fuckboy needed to be shot.
Who doesn’t play recent shit towards the end of the night? I say who????
Horrible ass DJ’s. That’s who!
Somehow I think Jim Jones was responsible.
Now, prior to heading there me and mi compadres were up in Silver Spring at the Austin Grill. For those not in the know, its a country western spot with killer drinks. They have a live band playing country music. The country music there was 10 times better than the DJ at Ozio’s.
Let’s take it a step further.
On Saturday I went to the Annual White Party that is thrown in DC (actually it was in Nowhere, Maryland). My boy DJ’d that party. That party was off the fuckin’ hook music-wise. Of course, we were all in white so the bougieness stepped up to the plate but it was fun. This is about the DJ though. My boy, knows the concept of the club-banger. He laid it down.
That party? The DJ was on point. And was a good 20 times better than the DJ at Ozio’s.
After the White Party, we somehow ended up in Adams Morgan at The Diner. The music they had playing in The Diner??
30 times better than the DJ at Ozio’s. And I heard Phil Collins “Sussudio”.
Don’t sleep. Phil Collins is the man.
Speaking of which, Bobby Brown’s “Don’t Be Cruel” album? I’m taking a stand. That’s the best R&B album ever created.
Discussion? Buh-ring it.
All this to say, I went to numerous spots this weekend…OOOOH OOOOOH…I forgot.
The nigga’s driving down my street in DC blasting their music as loud as possible?? Way better than the shitty as DJ in Ozio’s.
In life, the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen might be a bunch of sober black people praying for a good song to come on so you don’t have to fake being hype to Kris Kross’s “Jump”. Nostlagia only takes you so far.
It felt like we were being held hostage to the rhythms. Or maybe he was just fucking with us.
All I know is that the DJ tried to kill us.
Everybody mambo!
July 10th, 2006 14:54
“Bobby Brown’s “Don’t Be Cruel” album? I’m taking a stand. That’s the best R&B album ever created.” - Panama Jackson
u been drinkin’ from Whitney’s cup ain’t chu? cuz “Don’t Be Cruel” ain’t better than “Off The Wall”. i was gon’ say “Thriller”, but that’s a pop album with only one R&B song…”Lady In My Life”. we stickin’ with straight R&B…straight R&B!
as far as DJs go…technology allows a LOT of people to believe, “hey…i can do that!” some people just don’t put in the work to become good. there’s a difference between someone who plays music and someone who can DJ!
your weekend is proof of this!
July 10th, 2006 16:52
Hey…
I know it’s been a loooong time since you’ve had this problem, but what are some good spots for people not quite 21
-Shani
July 10th, 2006 17:07
Hmmmmmm, better than Don’t be Cruel? I can think of a few easy ones but lets just delve into something a little more complicated.
Lets do a little math:
Don’t Be Cruel = The Hotness.
Don’t be Cruel = Babyface + Teddy Riley - (Crappy Bobby.
Babyface > Bobby Brown.
Teddy Riley > Bobby Brown.
Babyface = “Tender Lover”.
Teddy = Guy’s “Guy”.
THUS
Guy > Don’t Be Cruel
AND
Tender Lover > Don’t Be Cruel
And there you go. Not to mention these albums defined whole music styles that people imitated for years. Bobby only exploited the greatness of those two. There are more examples… but that’s all I got for now.
PS - I happened to be at the Diner on Sat night too. More disturbing than anything was my discovery of the Fuse channel and their show “Pants Off, Dance Off”. Don’t know if you saw it… but um, VERY disturbing.
July 11th, 2006 02:56
I’on know about the greatest ever. Mary J’s Share My World comes to mind as a good one or one of Arruh’s albums or something. But the greatest ever? Ill have to think about that.
July 11th, 2006 10:19
@HC: I still take my stand. But you damn near severly sonned my ass with that anaylsis.
I was like, well damn.
However, Guy’s “Guy”…nuh uh. People can name damn near every song off Don’t Be Cruel but how many songs can folks name off of Tender Lover???
And I saw that same damn show on the TV. Me and my friends were remarking on it. Were you there when the chick dressed up as a teddy bear and was dancing??? I concur. That show is quite disturbing.
July 11th, 2006 10:31
@Shani: Hmm…I have no clue. I’ll get back to you on that one.
July 11th, 2006 11:40
“Don’t Be Cruel” was the biggest thing in 1989 and the tracks stand the test of time. But if I had to pick one R&B Album that surpassed it, it would be Mary’s “My Life”.
July 11th, 2006 13:18
we frequented ozio on a friday recently too… i got tired of fake smiling and acting like i was having fun. the liquor didnt help. so i feel u on this. ozio is being boycotted and they dont even knw it. however after a particular violent incident she witnessed/ was indirectly involved in - cdot hypothesizes that they are purposefully sabotaging the music to keep the blacks away.
i might agree with her!
July 12th, 2006 01:59
Just the weekend before you wrote this, I had a similar experience at a Chicago club. The shit was so garbage I don’t even remember the name of the club I was in. Additionally, the DJ was secluded in an upstairs booth and had a bouncer guarding the stairs. It doesn’t take much to figure out why.
July 12th, 2006 02:12
I’m gonna have to agree with rakimfan on this one… Mary’s “My Life” was on some next shyt and is the best of all time.
And I’m sure I’ll get lambasted for this, but Erykah Badu’s “Mama’s Gun” is a close second.
July 12th, 2006 09:16
For some reason, alot of DC djs are determined to play the entire song, all night long. That was one thing I hated about DC when I lived there. I mean, who honestly wants to hear all of “Triumph”? Not! You want to hear Meth, Rae and Ghost, that’s it! LOL. I am so glad to be back home where djs actually really specialize in djaying rather than in dc where they seem to almost be more party promoters than djs….
July 12th, 2006 14:33
Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Going On”.
Best.
R&B.
Album.
Of.
All.
Time.
2nd runner ups
“CeeLo Green and His Imperfect Imperfections”, CeeLo Green
“Chicago 85 - The Movie” - Dave Hollister
July 17th, 2006 05:55
do you know a good sound system ?
dj