Over the duration of the time that I’ve been blogging, I’ve gotten numerous requests and various questions as to why I don’t have any pictures up on my site. Or better yet, I’ve been said to lack courage (recently) for not having any pictures up and available for the masses…as if I’m hiding something.

Trust me. The kid is sexxy.

I’m not hiding shit.

I may, however, be smarter than you.

And do you know why I’d make such a bold, arrogant, and completely unnecessary statement?

Well, for one, because it’s true.

And for two, because I know good and damn well that anybody and everybody has access to anything that shows up online.

And just for kicks…I can say it because I’m sexxy.

I am what some people in the white community call, employed. Legally and gainfully. Why in the living shit would I jeopardize a paycheck that comes every two weeks, on time, by placing pictures up on a site where I skewer any and everything…to include things that may or may not be related to my job?

I don’t hear any muhfuckas asking…fuck that, requesting that I prove who I am and my sexxy, offering to front my salary for a year on the chance that some government search entity decides to accidentally mosey on over to ole JGT Headquarters and then, poof, vamoose, son of a bitch.

Fired for making inflammatory comments or some dumb shit.

My job doesn’t cause me to be in the public realm and actually frowns upon it. In Washington, when you end up online or in the news…it’s usually not a good thing. Trust me on that one.

In fact, there is a mantra espoused around here that seems to fit the point: If you don’t want to see it on the front page of the Washington Post…don’t write it down.

The reason this came up, and also why it fits into my campaign to lobby for better criminals in America is because, once again…

…people are fucking stupid.

With the advent of Facebook and MySpace, legions of young people from ages 12-30 are posting pictures, personal blog entries, hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. all over the internet. Harmless right? Fucking wrong. Just yesterday, there was an article in the New York Times about employers who do online searches looking for the folks they are intending to hire. You know, just to see what’s out there if anything.

And do you know what these employers are finding? Dumb fuckers who write shit like, “I like to smoke weed 2 to 3 times a week while I’m sipping some Tanqueray and smacking the ass of a phat ass stripper.”

And umm, contrary to popular belief, that statement probably came from a white dude.

If I’m an employer, don’t you think that it might make me think twice about this upstanding, Harvard MBA, yada yada yada. True, those things might not have anything to do with job performance, but you know what, I’d be willing to bet that in most interviews, the things that employers look for first is character. In the hour they spend talking to you, what lies are you able to convincingly get across? Are you trustworthy? Honest? Punctual? Not likely to end up in jail for doing dumb shit?

A lot of folks might say, “well that just doesn’t seem right.” Employers shouldn’t be out there looking for that type of information on you. That’s not fair. And if you really think that…you are an idiot.

Let me just say that one mo’ ‘gain. You. Are. An. Idiot.

They are looking to pay you money to do them a service. Hell, they should be able to do any and every damn thing they want to make sure they are making a good investment. And guess what? You do the exact same shit.

What is this same shit that I’m referring to?

You google EVERYBODY.

If you meet somebody today, and they give you their name, you and all of your friends are going to google this muhfucka to see what you can find out. Hell, you’ve probably googled yourself twice this morning! You want to know what my real name pulls up on Google?

I’m either: 1) dead (as in executed in prison); 2) a graphics designer; or 3) an athlete who seemingly topped out in college.

Luckily, none of that is damning. But let somebody come across this site. Sure they’ll be entertained (hopefully), but can I really blame them for thinking twice about inviting me in for an interview? They might ask me to come do a comedy show…and then send me on my way. But, I’d rather be paid for my services, not thanked for being funny.

Hell, I remember at one of the blogger meet-up/happy hours in DC last year that the main point that everybody hit home is that, none of these pictures need to find their way online. And do you know why that was so important? Because nearly everybody that lives and works in DC has ties to the government who might not like the bloggadacious nature of what we write about. Or even more simply, most of don’t even know if we’re even “allowed” to be blogging. So why risk it? Were there pictures taken? Of course. Have you seen them?

Probably not. But back to the point.

Why wouldn’t I expect job employers to google me in today’s day and age? Or check Facebook? Or MySpace? You’re also forgetting that a lot of recruiters are young. So they KNOW what to look for. And here we go, putting all the stupidest information on ourselves out for the entire world to see, then wonder why we can’t find jobs at times.

There’s a very good reason why I had to tell somebody who had a picture of me up on MySpace, with my name and shit PROMINENTLY displayed on it to take it down. Despite not really caring for my job all that much…well, I’d like to keep it for a while.

You know, ride this paycheck thing out and see where it takes me.

And thus finds us in the times of lackluster ass criminality. If you put on your MySpace page that you like to have sex with monkeys while sipping a MaiTai with Tah-Tah in Nevada (word life), then that’s your own fault if you can’t quite seem to get any job interviews. Of course, that’s assuming that you have placed your real name and shit on the site. Which for some strange reason…SO many people have done.

I suppose it’s one thing if you keep your site clean. Nothing out of the ordinary, or nothing too provocative or incriminating. But realize that the more information you put out there, the more can be used in determining things about yourself. Granted, nearly anybody with a site or a MySpace page is slightly narcissistic and wants a piece of the limelight, but I’m sure getting busted at 2am on national news because you got caught sending messages to a 14 year old girl through MySpace is how you really want to get caught.

Nor should you be a high-ranking official in the federal government either. But that’s neither here nor there.

Better criminals. I don’t know how else to say it. If you have your name plastered all over the internet with pictures of you smoking rocks and giving head to a sailor on the good ship Lollypop, then that’s all your fault dumbass.

You are an idiot.

Just something to think about.

So the next time you ask me why I don’t have pictures up online, or why the pictures on my MySpace page don’t give you a clear shot of my face so YOU can know what I look like…it’s because nobody has offered to pay me annually for my services.

You seeing me for the 5 seconds it would take to look at my picture and say, “Okay, that’s Panama,” could potentially cost me tens of thousands of dollars in annual salary that I’m sure you wouldn’t be willing to pay me.

Just doesn’t seem fair.

And quite frankly, it ain’t worth it.

I’m a much better criminal than that.

This has been a Public Service Announcement brought to you by the Better Crime in America (BCA) Campaign. Get your fuckin’ act together before you do something stupid. Good night and good luck.