Photographs, Mirrors, and The Soul
[***Thanks to everybody who sent me birthday wishes of some sort. I appreciate it. I had a great birthday and I might have to write about how not to throw a high school graduation party in the future. Trust me, it's an art form. ***]
There are a few laws or mandates that I think should have been placed in the U.S. Constitution.
For one, I think that all short men must be nice. I’ve said that before on this site, but it requires mentioning at least once a month. I pray that if I say it enough, I will speak it into existence which will make everybody’s life better since you won’t have to deal with the moral dilemma of having to stomp out a jackass midget dude because he’s talking shit and doesn’t realize that Napolean actually lost at some point.
I also think that ugly women must be nice too. It does not serve you well to already be an unattractive woman AND be an asshole. People will not feel bad about talking shit to a woman who looks like the busted version of Grace Jones.
And that’s saying something.
Ugly men should be nice too, I agree, but for some reason it always stands out more when an unattractive broad is especially personality-flawed. At that point, her only hope in life is to get knocked up and have children who will hopefully love her, except she’ll be such an ass to them because of her own problems that love won’t live there anymore. It will relocate across the street…at the crack house.
Bleak picture right? Hmm…has anybody ever realized how Memphis Bleek has really grown into his name? The nigga’s career? Bleak like shit. Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecy.
Well, in true Panamanian form, another addendum to the list of things that certain groups should be has been discovered.
And its very contrary to the others, but still an important one for a few groups of women nonetheless.
You ready?
I don’t think you are.
You think you know, but you have no idea.
Okay…
New Rule: Attractive women should be barred from taking ugly pictures. Further, attractive women need to recognize that they took ugly pictures and make strides to keep them from invading the public realm.
Reason-being: The running law is that pictures don’t lie. According to Shakira and Wyclef, neither do hips. And I like Shakira’s hips. But that’s irrelevant here. Back to the point. If a beautiful woman takes ugly pictures, can she indeed be attractive?
Think about that.
[***Sidenote: I know that we are born and stuck with the attributes we have. However, I believe that a lot of women just have no clue how to take pictures. Especially pretty but not famous chicks. It takes a certain level of confidence and narcissm to be able to maintain your flyness and/or sexxy in photograph form. Just being hot and taking a picture does not equate to a hot picture. You too can end up on Hot Ghetto Mess.com. The more you know. Ding. ***]
And what is this public realm I spoke of previously? Places like MySpace. That needs no explanation, but I’ve seen some women that I know are attractive in real life take some uberfugly pictures and place them on MySpace.
Not.
A.
Good.
Look.
But let us revisit this notion that if an “attractive” woman consistenly takes “unattractive” pictures, is she truly attractive?
My thinking is…no.
A picture by definition is a freeze frame moment. It is what you look like at that exact moment. Now say you attempt to look fly in a picture, and fail horribly. Then also say you just take a picture, candidly, no frills or anything, and you still end up looking like a daffodil. Constantly, constantly, constantly smoking trees. I’m going to be loathe to call you hot.
You know, let me just take it a step further. If you are a woman who takes consistantly bad pictures, even if 9 out of 10 men say you are…
…you cannot be a dime. To be a dime, your true beauty will transcend all. Everybody has off days. But truly beautiful women, even on their off days, look ridiculously gorgeous.
A few weeks ago, while riding with my boy in Atlanta, we drove by a chick in a Hyundai. Now we both looked into the car because we saw a chick who looked like she might be cute, and she had on a scarf. Not a headwrap…a scarf. Clearly, she was intending to go from Point A to Point B, with minimal stops in between. But you know what? That chick looked HOT in her little scarf. Me and my boy concurred that that is what you want in a woman, appearance wise. Even with scarf on and no makeup and whatnot, she still had her sexxy going.
For the record, I’m not a fan of makeup. Never have been.
I also happen to think that she might take a good picture because she was just looking like herself. If you can look good just waking up, and you take good pictures, AND you’ve been called a dime before.
You just may be a dime.
The other part of this is that many attractive women don’t know how to take good pictures. They try to take poses and shit that make them look extra fly or something. I think the problem is that not enough people practice posing. Me, I practice. You never know when you’re going to have take a model-esque picture. Then again, I also think that I’m the sexxiest muhfucka on the planet, so I’m GOING to take good pictures.
Then again, I’m not a woman. For the most part, an attractive woman can get by with taking bad pictures because they have been proclaimed attractive, which might be why they don’t put much effort into it. They’ll do asanine shit like run their fingers thru their hair in strange ways thinking that their baseline beauty will makeup for the utter fucktasticness of the pose they just provided.
If I have to explain to others that you’re really hot when they look at your pictures, well, you need to step your damn picture game up. Just because you’re in it doesn’t make it good. It makes it a picture with you in it.
And if the picture makes you look like a horse, then you should really reconsider making those pictures available.
Either that or you’re really a horse.
But it’s okay, I don’t judge.
Time you spent reading this: 5-7 minutes
Time you spent trying to figure out just what in the fuck was the point: 10-20 minutes
Time it took you to realize that it was an exercise in futility: 25 minutes
Realization that the beauty is in the randomness of the love that Panama shares with all: Priceless
Oh, my! You sound like you have had a bad experience on my space looking at woman. Are you talking about someone in particular or just random woman on myspace?
this is part of the reason why true dimes can only be found in cold weather states. anybody (well, not anybody…but a nice percentage) can look good with a sundress or a white tank and some sevens, but only a true dime can still be a stunna with a northface, mittens, and a skull cap. cold weather builds character too
A late happy berfday to u P. wasnt online Friday.
Yes i have a myspace account too and for fear of a bad pic and cyberpervs, i just put a random one up there. feel free to look. myspace.com/creemie.
What do you LOOK like? I saw your page on myspace and you didn’t even have a pic so how can u go around critiqing others pics when you dont have one up of your self? at least they have the courage to put up a pic.
Man, can there really be a broke ass version of Grace Jones? That’s cold man, nobody can look that bad, not even Wanda on “In Living Color”.
@Marlene: I just used MySpace since it is the most common place folks go, but it counts for shit like BP or anywhere…hell, it even includes magazines and shit. Like I’ve said before, I don’t spend THAT much time on MySpace and I definitely ain’t searchign for women.
So the short answer is, no, it isn’t specific to anybody, I just really wanted to put that rule out there and had to create a whole post to do so.
@dyoung: you maybe right…this requires further analysis…again.
@Creem: Thanks darlin’ I appreciate it. too bad i can’t access myspace at work. the gov’t is on to me.
@Red Fire: What do I look like? Hmm…shit ask around. PLENTY of folks have seen my pictures or seen me. I’ve also said on here why I’m not posting any pictures publicly. I like being employed. It has shit to do with courage homey…im sexxy. Plus, anytime somebody emails me asking me for a pic, i always oblige…pardon me for being concerned about putting TOO much information onto the platform that has gotten niggas fired.
Oh…and, just b/c i dont have a picture doesn’t mean I can’t critique…especially since this shit was more tongue in cheek than anything. If i didn’t mention MySpace on the shit would you have been all offended and shit?? You put your shit out for public consumption, it is open season…just like you coming in here telling me I lack courage. So, fuck you very much. Toodles.
@Tombstone: Yeah, a broke ass version of Grace Jones is doing a lot. But you got the point…lol. And thats all i was going for.
Panama is just too sexxy for the MySpace masses. Only those worthy enough to be in his presence can truly be graced with his complete and uninhibited sexxy. Not to mention, he DOES have a myspace pic….its just a pic of him dressed up as Eazy-E…LOL. If you’re late on the blog then you missed the whole Eazy-E photoshoot exhibition last year.
Finally, ya’ll need to quit playin with the numerous pseudonyms in the comments section. I DO play IP Police Patrol in this piece, and can tell who is rollin up here trynna be incognegro, commenting from the same computer and shit.
As for you, mr. panama, I hate you for this post and you know you are dead.wrong….yet you read my mind at the same time.
LOL @ Liz! !..you rawk.
well, I consider Panama my homie, so for this comment, I will set aside my “homie’s aren’t hot to me” rule… I can vouch for his sexxy…(I still can’t stand him most days, though, but that is only because he argues me till I run screaming from the room *eyeroll*)…dude is a hottie, though.
So, by this token…if your eyebrows consistently disappear in photographs, does this mean that you do not, in fact, have eyebrows?
Because if so, I could save a fortune on threading and waxing.
@Nikilovely: Yes.
I take the most fucked up pictures… shit check my myspace. That’s why I try not to tke pics at all. And I ain’t sexxy nor sexy.
The posing thing is absolutely true. Nikilovely and I had a whole back and forth about how one should tilt their head so they do appear to have brows in pictures.
And make-up?! Shoooot!!! I equate it to how men go from being just blah to hot with them just wearing a hat and/or glasses. Gives a whole new set of deminsions to their face!
Randomness is a beautiful thing. And always takes a good picture
Dude sometimes, folks need to actually NOT pose and their pictures will probably come out a lot better.
So I’m confused, can someone be considered “attractive” even if they take “bad” pictures or not? You kinda argued both points…
Hmmm…
T
@T: Sometimes one must be confused in order to know that they are unconfused. ~ Panama Jackson
I think that if you are attractive but only take bad pictures, then you are not as attractive as the roving eye tells us.
Roll over, red rover.
lol! You’re crazy!
T
“So the short answer is, no, it isn’t specific to anybody, I just really wanted to put that rule out there and had to create a whole post to do so.”
You lie black boy, you lie….
I know who inspired this post. And I know you know that I know who inspired this post.
we’ve talked about this haven’t we?
I agree…for the most part.
Taking pictures IS an ART though…not meant for everybody…
*Giving myself some props* I’m kinda cuuuute, but I take horrid pics. Catch me off guard and I look like “duuuh”? I noticed the other day that I took a pic that made me look really, really strong.
It reconfirmed that I need to practice or something…. don’t smile too hard (face widens and I look like my dad with a weave), control how big my eyes look for pics (my mom has really big eyes they scare me).
i’d lie to see shakira fully nude ….. so dat i can take out ma ….. easily