[***Thanks to everybody who sent me birthday wishes of some sort. I appreciate it. I had a great birthday and I might have to write about how not to throw a high school graduation party in the future. Trust me, it's an art form. ***]

There are a few laws or mandates that I think should have been placed in the U.S. Constitution.

For one, I think that all short men must be nice. I’ve said that before on this site, but it requires mentioning at least once a month. I pray that if I say it enough, I will speak it into existence which will make everybody’s life better since you won’t have to deal with the moral dilemma of having to stomp out a jackass midget dude because he’s talking shit and doesn’t realize that Napolean actually lost at some point.

I also think that ugly women must be nice too. It does not serve you well to already be an unattractive woman AND be an asshole. People will not feel bad about talking shit to a woman who looks like the busted version of Grace Jones.

And that’s saying something.

Ugly men should be nice too, I agree, but for some reason it always stands out more when an unattractive broad is especially personality-flawed. At that point, her only hope in life is to get knocked up and have children who will hopefully love her, except she’ll be such an ass to them because of her own problems that love won’t live there anymore. It will relocate across the street…at the crack house.

Bleak picture right? Hmm…has anybody ever realized how Memphis Bleek has really grown into his name? The nigga’s career? Bleak like shit. Talk about your self-fulfilling prophecy.

Well, in true Panamanian form, another addendum to the list of things that certain groups should be has been discovered.

And its very contrary to the others, but still an important one for a few groups of women nonetheless.

You ready?

I don’t think you are.

You think you know, but you have no idea.

Okay…

New Rule: Attractive women should be barred from taking ugly pictures. Further, attractive women need to recognize that they took ugly pictures and make strides to keep them from invading the public realm.

Reason-being: The running law is that pictures don’t lie. According to Shakira and Wyclef, neither do hips. And I like Shakira’s hips. But that’s irrelevant here. Back to the point. If a beautiful woman takes ugly pictures, can she indeed be attractive?

Think about that.

[***Sidenote: I know that we are born and stuck with the attributes we have. However, I believe that a lot of women just have no clue how to take pictures. Especially pretty but not famous chicks. It takes a certain level of confidence and narcissm to be able to maintain your flyness and/or sexxy in photograph form. Just being hot and taking a picture does not equate to a hot picture. You too can end up on Hot Ghetto Mess.com. The more you know. Ding. ***]

And what is this public realm I spoke of previously? Places like MySpace. That needs no explanation, but I’ve seen some women that I know are attractive in real life take some uberfugly pictures and place them on MySpace.

Not.

A.

Good.

Look.

But let us revisit this notion that if an “attractive” woman consistenly takes “unattractive” pictures, is she truly attractive?

My thinking is…no.

A picture by definition is a freeze frame moment. It is what you look like at that exact moment. Now say you attempt to look fly in a picture, and fail horribly. Then also say you just take a picture, candidly, no frills or anything, and you still end up looking like a daffodil. Constantly, constantly, constantly smoking trees. I’m going to be loathe to call you hot.

You know, let me just take it a step further. If you are a woman who takes consistantly bad pictures, even if 9 out of 10 men say you are…

…you cannot be a dime. To be a dime, your true beauty will transcend all. Everybody has off days. But truly beautiful women, even on their off days, look ridiculously gorgeous.

A few weeks ago, while riding with my boy in Atlanta, we drove by a chick in a Hyundai. Now we both looked into the car because we saw a chick who looked like she might be cute, and she had on a scarf. Not a headwrap…a scarf. Clearly, she was intending to go from Point A to Point B, with minimal stops in between. But you know what? That chick looked HOT in her little scarf. Me and my boy concurred that that is what you want in a woman, appearance wise. Even with scarf on and no makeup and whatnot, she still had her sexxy going.

For the record, I’m not a fan of makeup. Never have been.

I also happen to think that she might take a good picture because she was just looking like herself. If you can look good just waking up, and you take good pictures, AND you’ve been called a dime before.

You just may be a dime.

The other part of this is that many attractive women don’t know how to take good pictures. They try to take poses and shit that make them look extra fly or something. I think the problem is that not enough people practice posing. Me, I practice. You never know when you’re going to have take a model-esque picture. Then again, I also think that I’m the sexxiest muhfucka on the planet, so I’m GOING to take good pictures.

Then again, I’m not a woman. For the most part, an attractive woman can get by with taking bad pictures because they have been proclaimed attractive, which might be why they don’t put much effort into it. They’ll do asanine shit like run their fingers thru their hair in strange ways thinking that their baseline beauty will makeup for the utter fucktasticness of the pose they just provided.

If I have to explain to others that you’re really hot when they look at your pictures, well, you need to step your damn picture game up. Just because you’re in it doesn’t make it good. It makes it a picture with you in it.

And if the picture makes you look like a horse, then you should really reconsider making those pictures available.

Either that or you’re really a horse.

But it’s okay, I don’t judge.

Time you spent reading this: 5-7 minutes

Time you spent trying to figure out just what in the fuck was the point: 10-20 minutes

Time it took you to realize that it was an exercise in futility: 25 minutes

Realization that the beauty is in the randomness of the love that Panama shares with all: Priceless