Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

As much as I love hip-hop, I do recognize that it isn’t all rage for everybody. I also realize that despite some of the quality music, there are some very negative things that hip-hop is responsible for in regards to the black community and the world community as a whole. Now, I refuse to say that hip-hop is responsible for any real negativity in the black community as it gets into the chicken versus the egg thing that we are all so familiar with, so that’s not the direction I’m going.

Nope. I’m going here: it is my belief that there are some things that the hip-hop community should apologize to not only the black community but the world for, and I will take the first step.

10 Things For Which The Hip-Hop Community Should Make Amends

1. Jim Jones

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Jim Jones is what is wrong with everything that happens in the black community. He is the biggest hater on Earth. He is also a horrible rapper, but then again, those come a dime a dozen nowadays. He’s part of one of the most obnoxious crews in rap history, The Diplomats and manages to even be obnoxious above and beyond Cam’ron.

I will admit that he can be quite entertaining. I remember a few years ago there was some video floating around of Cam’ron, Juelz, and Jim Jones in London where a drunk off his ass Jim Jones was HANDS-DOWN the most comedic sight I’d seen in years, but still…how can you hate on Jay-Z for wearing some sandals when you hang with a man who bought a Pink Hummer, and I’m not talking about a white girl.

Hip-hop needs to apologize for Jim Jones existence, because withough rap, he wouldn’t be who he is…internationally.

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2. The Throwback Jersey

Jerseys as a whole aren’t necessarily a bad thing, but the widespread influx of throwback jerseys that invaded the hip-hop and further black communities in like 2002-2004 was just bad. Hell, the entire young black community was running around looking like an intramural basketball league.

And it isn’t like they were cheap. Just ask me. Yes, I too fell victim to the scourge of the throwback purchasing at least 5 “throwback” jerseys at somewhere around $150 a pop.

Let’s not even talk about the horrible craptasticness that was the throwback jersey dress. Seriously, it was like the ideas we couldn’t quite get our system in the 1980′s came full circle. And you all remember how bad fashion was in the 80s.

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(iced out Jesus pieces? Good God.)

3. The term “bling-bling”

Oy vey. This is one of those hip-hop terms that invaded the world community that has gotten to the point where black folks almost cringe when hearing it. I know I do. I work with a bunch of white people. One day, a few months ago, there was a story in the New York Times that referenced “bling-bling” and my co-workers were confused as to what it was. Who did they ask? Yep, me. I wept for Africa when I explained the definition.

Street vendors ask you if you want some “bling”. Really corny white people use the term to show you they are cool. PARENTS of all races use the term to show their kids that they are cool. Of course they say the word “hip” which automatically reduces cool points to zero, but they try.

It’s everywhere and hip-hop needs to apologize for it. Unfortunately, the black community really is enamored with bling, so no apologies to the black community since even the most unapologetic hip-hop haters probably use that term since it does have a nice ring to it. And you know how we get about aesthetics.

Apologies to the white parents of suburban hipster kids who fall in love with rap and walk around their homes telling their parents to respect their bling, blingage, or any other variation of the term “bling-bling” are necessary.

I’m sorry white people.

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4. Marion “Suge” Knight

Hip-hop should apologize because Suge was allowed to be an integral figure in the black music world. And to this day, I still have absolutely no clue why. I mean, I know WHY he ended up being involved but how has he managed to be the black version of the Godfather? This man has his hand in so many shady dealings that you just have to wonder if everything negative that happens in the black Community that is rap-related can’t somehow be tied to him.

In fact…

…I blame Suge Knight for Jim Jones who I blame for everything that is wrong in the black community.

Unemployment? Suge and Jimmy. Murder? Suge and Jimmy. Pure unadulterated ignorance? Cam’ron…and by association, Suge and Jimmy.

I even blame them for Bush getting re-elected.

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5. Vanilla Ice

Does THIS even need an explanation?

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(just replace the white girl with a bandana wearing “thugged out” black dude)

6. Long Ass Dresses (AKA Tall T-Shirts)

First the D.L. book comes out, then this. Black “straight” men everywhere were running around wearing extra long t-shirts that looked like nightgowns. A gown by definition is a form of dress. And if it really isn’t, it is for my purposes.

Honestly, I don’t even understand this one. It was huge in Baltimore for some reason. And though I didn’t really see too many rappers wearing these in videos or anything, I will just assume that at some point that Cam’ron wore a tshirt that was a little bit too long, sparking a nationwide funboy trend of wearing tall tee’s.

You see, Jim Jones is responsible for this as well.

Are you noticing a trend here? Again, we need to apologize for Jim Jones. By the way, it’s rock ‘n roll month on vh1 and they are doing Behind The Music’s on all of the big heavy metal bands. It’s quite fascinating. You should check it out. You should also always wash your hands when exiting the bathroom.

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(can you feel, the love, tonight…)

7. Really bitchmade behavior that is supposed to be the anti-thesis of hip-hop

See: The Game, Mobb Deep, Ja Rule, 50 Cent

This might be having ramifications that are larger than we notice. If the kids look up to rappers, and the rappers are acting like, well, pussies, then our male offspring will beging to presumably act like pussies. Which could clearly explain the uber sensitivity that has been going around in the black community. The number one killer of black man is not diabetes, stroke, or heart disease.

It is lack of respect. The lack of respect is responsible for more murders in the black community than we can blame the CIA for. The assumption of lack of respect comes from the overabundance of sensitivity and instigators wanting to witness the sensitivity.

I’m just saying, we need to get this pussyasstactical manuevering in check before these rappers start wearing dresses and doing ballet.

Oh right, and then there was Prodigy. I guess his man love for 50 Cent has been in the makings for years, hasn’t it?

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8. Horrible and unintellible slang

See: too many examples to name

You know, I’m all for slang. In fact, I’m able to have full conversations in slang that are completely understandable to most of my peers who actually know black people. However, there are even points where slang goes to far in attempts to be…slang.

Take E-40 for instance. Why he is the noted hip-hop slangologist, I have no idea. Half the shit he comes up with sounds like pure shit to me. The best slang is obvious shit, not some over the top intentionally stupid shit like some of the stuff that comes out of the (Father forgive me), Bay area. It’s gotten to the point where even black people don’t know what the fuck anybody is talking about anymore.

Shababaloopie (or whatever the fuck its supposed to say), my ass.

See, when folks from Queens were making up shit, at the very least it wasn’t so much that you had to spend weeks trying to learn it. It all made sense in the context of sentences or verses. To understand some niggas, coughe-40cough and his coughbayareabredrencough, you need to take a damn class. I already have 2 degrees so fuck that very much.

Apologies are warranted.

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(just picture a black youth driving like a mad man up your street on one of those)

9. Those little motorcycles and ATV’s that niggas in my neighborhood ride around on major streets fucking up traffic and pissing off the police and my neighbors, I actually get a kick out of it

I’ll just blame Ruff Ryders for this one. I have no other justification. But let me think on this. DMX is a Ruff Ryder (no brokeback) and has worked with Swizz Beatz who has worked with Jay-Z who has worked with Kanye who has worked with Cam’ron who is homies with Jim Jones who is a Blood like The Game who works with Dr. Dre who used to be in cahoots with Suge Knight.

Badaboom badabing. Suge and Jimmy are responsible for this.

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10. Crunkjuice and Pimpjuice (and for kicks The Bishop Don Magic Juan)

Le sigh.

I don’t have so much beef with crunkjuice, but Pimpjuice? Well, that just takes the cake. The fact that this is available in stores just put the stamp on it. Pimps are so celebrated by hip-hop culture that only a rapper would think to make some shit called Pimpjuice. Or keep The Bishiop around as a “spiritual counselor”. I guess all the real bishops and reverends were busy when Snoop really needed some advice.

We need to apologize for creating the environment where Pimpjuice could be a viable product on the market. And for Nelly as a whole too, though I don’t hate him nearly as much as I used too. It got boring to hate him. Now I can just hate Jim Jones.

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These are some things that the hip-hop community owes apologies for. We have done some foul things to society, but these things take the cake.

This is my sorry for…2006.

Doesn’t quite rhyme does it?

This has been Hip-Hop Week at JGT. Thanks for sleepwalking and be on the lookout for more as the weeks go by. I actually have a lot of really good group ideas for posts, but they will take sometime.

I am hip-hop. (And sexxy).

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