Polaroids and Crayons of a Darker Breed
“In all of my experiences of living, most black women dating white men tend to be more on the darker side of the shade tree. I don’t know if lighter women are just on a quest for more color in their children’s lives or what, but you just don’t see that very often. I have a theory on this…” -an excerpt from a post entitled Tired Black Man: Negro Please! courtesy of His Royal Sexxiness and Purveyor of All Things Symbiotically Good aka Panama Jackson
In the comments section of that post, Brick said that she’d like to hear this theory. As the man who makes it a job to give the people what they want, I shall lay out my theory on this.
I’m nice like that. And sexxy enough to do it.
As an aside, me and some of my boys actually have rules on that type of thing, though we break them quite often. One of our rules has been to “always give the people what they want” though it usually involves proliferation of the feminine spirit. Of course, it is only the case when you can do so, i.e. you’re not in a relationship of any sorts or when you won’t step on your God’s toes in the process. And you think Bill Maher started that New Rule shit? We’ve been coming up with new rules since 1997.
Center of Excellence, bitches. Center of Excellence.
Now to the theory.
If you pay attention to most of the interracial black woman-white man couples you see, you’ll probably notice a few things about them. For one, the white man doesn’t usually look like the kind of white dude who would be seriously dating a black woman, Paul Walls of the world excepted. He usually looks more like, Kevin James. Your garden variety regular white dude. This has always baffled me because like any other true blue American, I succumb to racial stereotypes just like the next person, and that combo just rarely makes sense to me.
Two, you will usually notice that its usually the more dark sisters who are dating the white dudes. And by darker, I mean the less light light skinneded. Basically, if you’re actual degree of darktivity is debatable, but the term light-skinned is ALWAYS the first option, then I’m not talking about you.
You know, I really should start chronicling these random terms I create and compile them into some sort of Panamictionary. That idea has actually been suggested to me for a few years now. I’m just lazy.
On the surface, it seems like it might be some sort of complex subconscious psychological thing that causes light skinned women to not date white men while their darker sisters partake of the other other white meat.
You know, as I am typing, I just queried The After Party Hostess because I didn’t know what the first white meat was. I mean I knew that pork was the other white meat, but I wasn’t sure what the original white meat was. She informed me that it was chicken. I have just disappointed the black community in ways no other man has done in years. It hasn’t been this bad since the Great Watermelon Fiasco of 1994.
*hangs head in shame*
I contend that the reasons for these dating trends are quite simple. As black people, we are the only race (to a lesser extent Indians from India and Arabs) that can actually do pre-screened color matching. Yes, the stereotype about black people is true; we care so much about aesthetics that we will usually try to match ourselves with appropriately colored counterparts as a means of taking more balanced pictures and creating more creatively colored children.
Go on ahead and marinate on that for a minute.
*humming “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash*
I never said the shit was deep.
Think about this (dammit, you know that whenever somebody tells you to think about something, they think they are bringing some depth), most black people are usually totally miffed when white people think we all look alike since our colors vary (thanks to the institution of slavery and black woman rape) so much that you can literally have a good thousand shades of “black”. White people and Asians on the other hand, well, excuse my ignorance here, actually fuck you if you’re offended, look WAY more alike on any given day than two black people who don’t have the same parents. As far as I’m concerned, they’re all cousins.
Now that’s just part of it. There are other pieces at play here of darker and vile conception. Or not.
It has been my observation as well that most light-skinned women would rather date a darker skinned man. Now this could have psychological ramifications. Potentially the fuckedupedness that we in the black community have passed down amongst ourselves over hundreds of years continues to rear its ugly head here. As a means of staying “black” and having “black children” light skinned people tend to look for the blacker the berry counterparts. Men and women do this.
Panama Pon-de-river Fession (similar to a confession but coming from Panama): I have a thing for darker sisters. I always have. My last few girlfriends have been of the lighter variety and that has always presented a dilemma for me. You see, I’m mixed. Feel free to *gasp* now if you weren’t aware. This means I’m kind of on the light side. I have nieces and nephews and all of those little kids are light. What I’m getting at here is that, I want my kids to have some color. Or I would like to at least give my kids a shot at some color. Chances are that might not happen, but still. On the other end, I really just love darker skinned women. I’m gonna sound like a racist here but fuck you, I just love dark skin tones and how flawless it looks a lot of time. A nice chocolate woman will get my attention a good 10 out of 10 times. Assuming of course that she doesn’t look like Grace Jones or India.Arie.
Now, I’m not suggesting that light skinned women are somehow “apologizing” for their skin tone by seeking out darker men, I’m just saying that coupled with the aesthetic nature of black people, maybe its just one of those things that is bound to happen. And you have to admit, family pictures always look good with people of two different complexions. You may disagree, but you will be wrong.
All that to say, light skinned women and white men don’t actually make for good pictures. And I think we are all aware of this. Plus, given the fact that a higher percentage of light skinned black women tend to be of the militant variety (including mixed black women), it’s just hard to date a white man when your idol is Malcolm X.
Of course, there is a caveat there too. A lot of lighter women are indeed mixed. And they may have grown up in a house where naivete was the meal du jour where the kids are told to believe that color is not an issue in America in which case that light skinned woman might date white men…until reality hits her like a MAC truck one day, and then she totally flips the script back to the better picture-fitting darker skinned man.
Now to the dark skinned women.
Are you still reading? Because this shit is getting long.
I think that darker women dating white men is a function of the white man being wholly attracted to black women in general, as well as his white women counterparts, and the black woman just being openminded and probably also tired of trifling black menses.
I think that a white dude interested in black women, on a strictly physical level, would more likely than not be interested in the darker women. You can throw that whole exotic thing into the equation if you want, but I think it comes down to this (and yes it is stereotype induced): If a white man is going to date a black woman, he wants to date a black woman, not some lightskinned chick with permed straight hair that could be mistaken as a dark skinned white girl (big ups to Murs). He wants a real no questions asked black woman. Maybe she has her hair permed too, but her complexion tells him all he needs to know. No mistaking her. Plus, the pictures will look nice and colorful.
From the black woman’s end, she is not usually worried about her kids skin tone (like light skinned people) therefore she can throw caution to the wind and date somebody of another race and possibly have kids because she will still be contributing to the black community. And since, stupid as this shit is, a lot of light skinned dudes (from what I’ve been told and shit) don’t like dating darker women (since we are pretty ignant in the black community) and dark skinned men want light women (see prior ignorance) dark women will find them an appropriate white man, if she’s at all interested.
You see, some of this has complicated ends to it, but really, the foremost reason why dark skinned women date white men, and light skinned women don’t is:
Its all about the Polaroids.
End theory.
May 4th, 2006 12:58
I don’t think people are seriously color matching to this degree, P. People got preferences, but I don’t think children skintone is a factor in so many folks’ minds. In addition, I just think dark skin men are on a lil fad right now, like light skin men were in the 90s, and so errybody loves them a darker brotha these days.
As for the dark women with white men, I don’t think white men are a factor as much as Black women are. I think since you have the Light Skin Free Pass on Beauty throwing the attraction curve among Black women off (i.e. some women are apparently finer because theyre light skinned even if they may be ugly), darker skinned women are thus less likely to be matched up with a Black man (since they all up on the light women), and thus they have a higher propensity to look outside the race, i.e. for white men. Any white man who has decided he is going to date outside the race (and trust, that’s a big step considering they’ve got to give up a whole heap of white privilege for this!) doesn’t have time to dissect black women into color shades and categories. He may have a preference, but I don’t think white men in droves are going for darker sisters due to skin shade alone. Once they cross the color line, I just think they’re there and willing for whatever comes their way, light dark, or anywhere in between.
May 4th, 2006 13:26
Thanks for the shout out. Please cut up your Black People’s Club membership card and mail it back to headqurters!
White men end up with dark Black women because:
1. Darker Black women don’t get THAT much play from Black men–of any shade. And the darker women that do, they are super-pretty. So then the average looking darker Black chick gets even less. So since she gets less, it’s easier for her to give the white guys a chance. Whereas her light counterparts–no matter if they are cute or not–get play simply because they are light.
2. It’s not that white men always want the darkest women but she’s more cooperative. I just piggy-backed off of #2 but so what. I’m rather middle of the road and I get white men hitting on me all the time. But when given the choice between the white guy and Black guy, I choose the Black guy. Because I actually have enough Black guys to choose from. Which leaves, for the white men, the darker Black chicks.
If I ever found myself in a situation where suitable Black men weren’t trying to have me, I too would look a whole lot closer at the white/other men. I’m a firm believe in going where you’re wanted and appreciated.
Another thing. Explain why most of my men are beige?? Explain why, 85% of the men who even approach me are light and curly? Shouldn’t they be going for someone darker? I thought I’d broken the pattern with last Manfriend. But dammit if when I met his family, I realized he was the darkest thing born to them, his granny could pass, and were we to breed, the kids would come out lighter than both of us.
May 4th, 2006 16:55
Why don’t we all try to look at each others character instead of what shade of black we are.
May 4th, 2006 17:41
@ chris - initial attraction has nothing to do with character
i’d just like to add that blk women who date white men tend to have unpermed hair too, darkskin or not. it kinda makes sense. if i were to date a white boy i wouldn’t bother w/ a paul wall, i’d get me a real abercrombie & fitch white boy. so white guys want them a real black woman i suppose.
May 4th, 2006 20:07
“Why don’t we all try to look at each others character instead of what shade of black we are.”
Never.
P.S. What about light skinned dudes that try to get with white chicks/? And what about the white chicks who would like to get with them/?
I thought that shit was impossible… but its being done by me… sorta.
May 4th, 2006 22:52
The hostess is pretty on the mark with her comments. I am the dark-skinned-sista-married-to-a-white-guy from the earlier references, so I gave everyone’s comments a good try on. The Hostess’s fit pretty well. Although I don’t think I was conscious of it at the time, when people ask me when I fell in love with my husband, it’s sometime around the time when he taught himself to cornrow my hair.
Many of my previous boyfriends made digs and derisive comments about my hair or suggested that I spend less time in the sun, but this cat thought enough of me to learn how to nurture me and our future kids. His exact words, “You won’t be able to do our kids hair ALL the time. I don’t want people to say, ‘ahhh, your daddy did your hair, didn’t he?’” LOL!
So maybe I felt like a little of #1. I could stop having to apologize for being so dark. One guy I was dating actually said, “You’d make a good wife, but I just can’t marry someone so dark. I mean, we’re both dark, you know?” I almost choked him out. No, really.
May 5th, 2006 03:08
Pardon me for being on the lighter end of the spectrum because I was pretty oblivious to the whole skin color/mate thing. However, I’m pretty much the light skin girl that Panama described in the post. I’m quite militant, I refuse to perm my hair, and I have much love for the darker brothers. How did I become this way? I don’t know. I think a lot of the behavior is learned. My mother who was of mixed heritage herself didn’t want her five “light-bright, high-yellow, white girl-looking, and the rest of the light skinned playground insults” daughters thinking we were better than someone of a darker tone. However, I’ve personally never thought I was “better” or “prettier” than someone of darker shades, but I have received grief from “some” darker women who, perhaps, wanted me to apologize for being lighter or “prove” my blackness because I was lighter.
I do believe that I get hit on by far more darker guys than lighter guys. As far as white men go, I attract them more of the Paul Wall variety.
By the way, this is my third time around your way. I love it.
May 5th, 2006 23:50
What’s wrong with India? My jaw dropped after reading that comment. Yeah, I know fuck me but right back at your high yellow ass. And fuck any other person who is color struck.
May 6th, 2006 11:47
@The dark sexxy chick: I don’t find India.Arie to be particularly attractive. Never have and more than likely never will. and i like your moxie. indeed fuck any person who is color struck.
May 6th, 2006 12:46
Yea, you ought to be ashamed you didn’t know about the original white meat.
My Polaroids look BEST with a dark skin Black man, but since he is so desired by so many others be they light-bright or white, and he may not be desiring me, I’ve learned to like Polaroids with those of a lighter hue, since I am so dark myself, but Polaroids with a white dude…doubt those will develop.
May 6th, 2006 15:59
Bredrin… at first I wasn’t quite following you and was getting ready to tell you how wrong you were… then I read the rest of your post and I apologize. You are absolutely on point. And the fact that you visit this theory from the woman’s perspective and the guy’s angle is commendable. Theory on.
May 8th, 2006 06:07
I know you’re generalizing in your post but I found the Kevin James comment kind of funny. I haven’t been around any black women/ white men interacial couples lately but if you saw the Oprah episode about Sanaa’s last movie something new all the interacial couples she interviewed the ladies were of the brown to darker skinned variety and their men Kevin Jamesy.
I’ve dated a few white guys and none of them were of the Kevin James variety. I think we found each other because of the interests we had. Both dudes I dated long term were in the same field I’m in and I think my language skills, my ethnicity and the fact that I was well traveled, liked their kind of music (reggae, latin, african) attacted them to me. Hell one of them only dated black women and tried to pull my black card a few times.
May 8th, 2006 11:06
LOL! I never thought about the polaroid issue. I have to agree with you Panama, i have a very dark honey bunny and i loooove is complexion. sometimes i just stare at him becuz like u said his skin is flawless. Also looking at my caramel skin next to his hersheys hue is quite a turn on. Nothing against the lighter complected brothers (cuz i dated a few) but i just love dark guys.
May 8th, 2006 13:19
My actual degree of darktivity is debatable, but I guess I’m in the light sista club because I exhibit all the characteristics. I love some chocolate bunnies! I don’t to pictures, but seeing contrastic skin tones all cuddled up together does it for me.
Meanwhile…
“This means I’m kind of on the light side” Um… dude. Let me clear it up for you. Your ass is bright. Melanin-deficient. Lacking in pigmentation. High Yella. If the light side contained only two beings, you and Carol Ann would be chillin, m’kay, Pumpkin? LOL. Good post.
May 8th, 2006 15:25
“What’s wrong with India?”
She does not shave her legs. That is her problem. And she is ugly. That’s another one… I could go on…
May 9th, 2006 09:35
LOL!!! Not what I expected….
First off, I am very happy to know that you take requests! LOL
In a weird way, your theory makes sense, although talking about polaroids and “creatively colored children” adds a comedic element that I have never experienced before when discussing this topic.
Well done. Come into the light. LOL
I must disagree with a comment that you made however. I myself am a dark-skinned woman. I have to say that most of the attention I get tends to be from light-skinned black men. I have dated a little bit of everything in the black spectrum, but I would say that the area where I get the least amount of interest is from brown-skinned black men (in the middle-not dark, not light).
But to back up your theory (which is weird because I never really thought about it before this entry) it has always been a matter of color. Dark-skinned men always comment on the fact that I could give them beautiful ebony babies. Light-skinned men always comment on the fact that our babies would be a nice shade of brown. I cannot speak to the white man factor, because as of yet I have not gone there. But yeah, it is always about future babies. Myself on the other hand? I just like a good-looking black man, as I am still undecided on the matter of children.
Go figure…..
May 9th, 2006 09:42
Oooo, I have a natural too!!! LOL! But I didn’t always have it…..in college I did not have a natural.
And oooo again!!! You didn’t know what the first white meat was! I know you have been chastised over and over, but yo!! LOL
May 17th, 2006 17:45
Hi, I just wont to ask.How is it that every time i meet a guy(light skinned, dark skinned)they always say “I dont like light skinned women i love me some dark skinned women”,”light skinned women are crazy, to high maintance, and have low self esteem”. They say, most light skinned women are stuck on themselves,think the world revovels around them and are freaks. And i wont to know why the secret isn’t out that black men who married white women actually found that it’s no different than being with a black women better yet worst, but now they’er stucked!And the lies about white women being more catering to mens
needs is a lie.Actually black women cater to their men and children needs more than white
women.Ask a few white children and you’ll find that their mother left them as sibblings.And yes as a dark skinned sista a beautiful one not no india ire I have date outside the race because silly black men think dark skinned women are’nt attractive LOOK IM SORRY YOUR MOMA WAS HARD ON THE EYES THAT DONT MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT OUT ON THE REST OF US.And light skinned brothers you are not all that because your light skinned so stop thinking as a dark skinned black women i will praise and cater to you because it’s not happening not these days.Im sure you all notice the rise of successful dark skinned sistas yeh that would be because we have most of the odds against us so we try to focuse on success.And for some black men, you make our race look bad.You dont wont to raise your children, you date white women to feel important or because its what society considers beautiful,Im sorry i have more but it’s time for me to punch the clock holla!