By now, nearly everybody should have seen the 3:26 clip from some upcoming low-budget, homey next door filmed, movie Diary of a Tired Black Man.

One of the tag lines reads: Now it’s the mens turn to exhale.

Indeed, it is.

If you haven’t, I highly suggest that you do so now. In fact, if you haven’t, I’ll wait.

*humming “Sailing” by Christopher Cross*

You back? Good. Pretty interesting premise isn’t it, though not very original. If the movie follows the trailer, it is essentially a white-woman-dating-black-man’s wet dream, with extra emphasis on dream, for what would happen if he was ever confronted with the decision he made to date a white woman. I happen to find the clip to be downright comedic since nobody can really act and damn near everything about the preview is preposterously un-fuckin’-realistic to the nth degree.

Shall we begin? Yes, let us. But first, I must proffer a definition for those non-slanguists in the audience or those unfamiliar with urban terminology.

son. defintion (1) noun. the male offspring of a man and a woman. if in the black community, 8 times out of 10, at 12 he will become the man of the house because his father has disappeared; (2) verb. to completely quiet or shut down somebody in an argument/battle/war in a way that totally undermines their opinion/feeling/abilities in such a way that they have on response, retort, or dignity left. see also rap battles, slavery, Napolean’s conquest for Europe, Hannibal, 2004 Presidential election

It is the second definition that we will be working with here. Why? I’ll tell you why.

It’s is completely and totally fuckin’ unrealistic and unbelievable to even imagine that ANY black man in America would have the ability to son FOUR/QUATRO/FO’/5-1/2+2/QUATRE black women at any time on any situation as charged as a black man dating a white woman.

At her house. Get the fuck out of here.

Not.

Gonna.

Happen.

Ever.

Everytime I watch the clip I’m just waiting for the real version to surface. You know, the one where as soon as his ex-wife sees him driving up with a white woman, she charges out the front door and starts yelling all kinds of bitches, tramps, and skeezers at the white woman while the black man has to physically push her back into the house.

And then…

She starts yelling at him calling all kinds of emasculating names and her friends join into the fracas and begin cursing him out and shit. Oh wait…that’s not what would have happened. This is a white woman here, my bad.

Let’s rewind.

*rewinding noise*

Everytime I watch the clip I’m just waiting for the real version to surface. You know, the one where as soon as his ex-wife sees him driving up with a white woman, she charges out the front door and starts yelling all kinds of bitches, tramps, and skeezers at the white woman while the black man has to physically push her back into the house which causes her to start swinging on her husband which causes the white woman to very stupidly GET OUT OF THE CAR causing the black ex-wife’s friends to come out of the house and commence to hurling racial slurs epithets and love songs at the white girl and THEN commence to pushing and then possibly whipping her ass while the black man then comes to the aid of his white woman and gets hit in the process causing him to slap the monkey shine shit out of somebody and end up in jail.

That is what happens in real life. And its probably his fault. Just don’t bring the white girl to your ex-wife’s house when you’re coming to pick up your child, k?

But no. In this pipe dream of a clip, the black man TOTALLY SONS four black women. Causing all of them to shut the fuck up with well timed and articulate sentences that reinforce that he is indeed not a weak black man. He is a strong black man who has never even thought about a white woman before in the entire time that his ex has known him. He just wants a drama-less household and the fact that the woman he is receiving that from is white is just secondary, though that’s clearly the premise that’s being pushed here.

Wesley Snipes would be so proud.

I don’t know if anybody realizes the magnitude of the bullshit that is being pushed here. Let’s assume he makes it to the door unscathed. As soon as he started talking the women would have ganged up on him and not heard a single damn thing he said. Even if everything he said was true, up until the implied white woman drama free part, it wouldn’t matter because no self-respecting black woman is going to listen to any black man justify dating a white woman. None. He is automatically weak and that gives them every opportunity to just mentally beat him down especially since he’s trying to defend himself which serves no purpose whatsoever.

That’s like a black man trying to defend himself in 1867 for whistling at a white woman with an all white jury deciding his fate. Guilty bitch, guilty.

Further, where in America have you EVER seen four black women who would calmly answer questions and act civil in an emotionally charged situation like that. I have three sisters, one of whom has a kid by a white dude and she STILL goes off on black men dating white women. Hell, she went off on her white baby-daddy for dating a white girl.

Common sense and pissed off black women never quite meet in the middle.

But nope, in this clip, the black women listened and answered his questions in a way that made it seem that he was asking questions that made the women think. Hold the fuckin’ phone. There is no thinking in emotionally charged situations…not until after everybody’s had time to think on their own. But there they go, thinking and listening as this black man completely destroys their criticisms of him.

Pure and utter bullshit.

You get all the standard shit. “Youse a weak ass nigga.” “I’m not dating right now because I’m tired of weak ass niggas like you.” And of course none of the women is dating…except for the light skinned woman.

Who is dating a white man. Waitaminute.

I don’t know about you, but that immediately struck me as odd. In all of my experiences of living, most black women dating white men tend to be more on the darker side of the shade tree. I don’t know if lighter women are just on a quest for more color in their children’s lives or what, but you just don’t see that very often. I have a theory on this, but this is already long so that is another post. I could be wrong, but pay attention to the women you see dating white men, there are exceptions, but for the most part, it isn’t the uber-lightskinned black women doing it.

So to the makers of the movie Tired Black Man, I say, nigga please. Nowhere in America would one black man stand a chance against 4 black women on damn near anything, unless he is their pimp. And not like Nelly, but like Mr. Whitefolks. Further, nowhere in America would the bIack man get clearly cogent and understandable opinions out for the black women to calmly hear and internalize to a point where they felt bad.

I am a black man. I am not stupid. I know what battles to pick with black women. That ain’t one of them.

I look forward to more comedy, but the least you can do is make it slightly more realistic. At least throw in one of the fights that undoubtedly would occur. Thank you however for making the women in the clip at least attractive despite the fact that the white woman with no lines was the best actor in the entire thing as Hollywood is undoubtedly worried about the recent quadrupling of black people who are the recipients of much coveted Oscars.

We’ve all been there. You’re out, and you see somebody who catches your eye for whatever reason. Maybe its their eyes. Or maybe it’s their hair. Or maybe they just have that “thing” that Lauryn Hill was talking about that gets folks so messed up in the game.

Whatever it is, it renders you helpless to your impulses and forces you to just go over and speak. Everything is going well. Your “hello” was well received and a contrived albeit purposeful conversation was begun.

And then…

…that muhfucka says the utmost stupidest shit you’ve ever heard in your life. And presto changeo, stock drops. You’re selling the shit faster than your Enron. Yes, in just a few short minutes, it is possible to meet somebody who goes from being the cat’s meow to Alpo.

Hell, it’s happening right now in cities across America.

And yes, it can happen to you. Therefore, I figured the best way to counter that problem is to just offer a few situations that can render you unattractive to the opposite sex in 10 minutes or less. But before we do that, there is something that must be understood.

Panamalogy: Attractiveness is very similar to your college GPA. You may be fine, but if you fuck it up by saying/doing something stupid, your stock drops quick as hell and is damn near impossible to bring back up to where you dropped from. Just like with your GPA. How well you do in your first semester will essentially set the bar for how high you can go. If you don’t get a 4.0 in the first semester, you’ll never have a 4.0. If you bomb your first semester, you will be working like Kunte in Virginia trying to pull it up, and it will likely never get as high as you’d like it. Fine only counts if you never speak to the person, because that shit becomes all relative once they open their mouths and have every ability to fuck it up. And that’s a fact, Jack.

How To Become Unattractvie in 10 Minutes or Less: Fucking Up Your Future Forensically

1. Come off like you are the pure and unadulterated shit.

You ever meet somebody and they made it seem like you were lucky to even get the opportunity to do so? Oh yeah, tumble attractiveness, tumble. I know a woman who assumes that anytime a man speaks to her, he is trying to run game. Anytime. What I find funny about it is that she’s not attractive…in the first place. Hence, she will blow off nearly any man who even offers her so much as a compliment and assume that he is merely running more game than a crackhead from Hempstead.

Word to the wise, self-esteem is really important. What’s also important is realizing that if you have an 8 body and a 5 face, you are a 6.

And 6’s don’t come home to momma.

2. Have breath that is kicking like the Pink Power Ranger

Yes, halitosis is a real thing. I’m not even sure there needs to be an explanation here. Let’s just say, if nobody wants to talk to you and you look like Halle Berry, either you have a sign on your forehad that says “SARS lives here” or you’re breath is beyond reproach.

3. Bring up the fact that you live with your momma…in the first 2 minutes.

You know, for some reason, women attach a lot to your living situation. And that shit can make you look really Bobcat in a nanosecond. For one, I don’t even know how it comes up. There is no reason to mention it really. It’s something that should come up later. But yep, I guaran-damn-tee that if as a man, you bring this up somehow, you will become the male version of Solange. Not quite busted, but when stacked up against the former Beyonce that you could have been…well, she’ll pass.

By the way, did anybody catch the Tribe Called Quest reference a few paragraphs back? Go ahead, its okay, go try to find it.

4. Be a stank ass heifer/nigga

As opposed to coming off as the unadulterated shit, this is when you begin talking and you realize that her attitudes seem to be more along the lines of golddiggin’ ass hoes. For instance, say you walk over to her, and you see she’s reading the Randall Robinson book The Debt: What America Owes To Blacks and you use that to segue into a convo with her. And she tells you that, she’s reading it but for real, black people just need to get over it and quit being ghetto and that she wouldn’t want to be in undevelopoed ass Africa chucking spears so we should be thankful we live in America (5. Be ignant/ignorant/idignant/a Ying-Yang Twin

I use the word nigga a lot. A lot lot. But you wouldn’t know that from jump. Hell, unless I know you, I rarely use it on IM without asking you if its okay first. And cursing, I won’t curse unless I know you are 100 percent okay with it.

STOP.

Did anybody else see All Of Us last night where they tried to broach the topic of the using the N-word. I mean, nigga. They get an A for effort. But I just don’t know if UPN is equipped to handle such a difficult topic. I ended up cringing more and more as I watched it. Thank God for Uncle Dirk. The comic relief broke up the uberfuckery of a job that they attempted to do, from the drummed up emotion to the touching moments at the end. It just exposed the bad acting jobs they are capable of. Like I said, A for effort.

Back to the lecture at hand. So say you approach the you are feeling and in the first 2 or 3 minutes, they use the word nigga, or curse and no, hell or damn, but they use the word fuck. You just never know how folks feel about that kind of stuff. It’s always best to ease into that over time, you don’t just come out the gate with it when trying to make some sort of impression. You’re first words shouldn’t be, “yeah, a nigga spotted yo’ fine ass from across the room. I was finna come whisper in your ear, wait til you see my dick.”

Boris Kodjoe to Barney Fife in 3 minutes flat.

Not. A. Good. Look.

6. Just be damn dumb.

I don’t know about you, but I HATE dumb broads. With the passion of Mel Gibson. I know some folks who like dumb chicks cuz they are easy but that is an ultimate turnoff. If I see a fine woman who gets so excited because she just discovered that there are pens that if you push the button, the ball point comes out…well, she’s gettin’ chucked like Taylor. She will become very unattractive quickly to me. Dumb girls cannot be fine. It is mentally impossible for me to find dumb women attractive. I would assume that would be the same for men. Of course with the dating pool so shallow nowadays, I assume some women just take what they can get.

7. The Standards

What are the standards? You know, things like outwardly picking your nose, farting, or any of the other bodily functions one should reserve for private time. I know a chick who will burp, and then tell you about it. Needless to say, not very attractive.

8. Being a clutz or a klutz, depending on which way is the correct way to spell that

You know, nothing is worse than essentially being the embodiment of this statement: Girl, he’s fine, but…

Or. Son, she’s fine but…

Anytime you have a but attached, you just aren’t ranking high enough. And just being a total clutz or klutz from jump will do it unfortunately. If you spill my drink on me I’m going to not only wonder how in the hell you made that happen seeing as it was my drink, but i’m gonna be pissed. It’s hard to see attractiveness when pissedness comes into play.

Unless you’re just that fine where it doesn’t matter. Which is possible. Trust me.

9. Wear more makeup than Homey Da Clown.

Maybe this is just a personal thing. I don’t mind makeup. But I do mind additional faces created by too much makeup. And maybe I couldn’t tell that from afar. Upon closer inspection, you can become very unattractive if I’m not sure if your face really belongs to you or not. Nothing is scarier than possibly waking up next to a Gremlin. I’m probably not most men, but I’d just pass on that shit.

10. Have the ugliest walk known to man.

This an entire other post, but an ugly walk, will totally fuck up your attractiveness. If you walk like you never quite learned how to do it, well, you’re gonna be busted. Like I said, that’s another post.

These are but a few ways to become unattractive in 10 minutes or less. Don’t let it be you.

Unless of course you’re already busted in which case, it doesn’t matter and you can proceed as normal.

I remember when my life changed.

I don’t know if everybody experiences life changing moments or goes through events that cause them to really consider life and all of its possibilities or not, but it happened to me.

The problem for me is that the very experience that changed my life is one where somebody else’s life came to an end. And that is something I’ve been dealing with for 6 years now. I only have one real regret in life. But over time, I realize that had I done something different that night, and thereby erasing my regret, I might have ended the lives of two other people. Not just the one person who’s life did end that night.

Today is the birthday of my cousin. Or would be if he was still alive. April 21. It’s a day that for years has pained me, since for the past 5 years, I’ve never been able to get to Atlanta to celebrate his birthday with my family. Everytime I do make it back to Atlanta, one of the first stops I always make is to the cemetery to visit the grave of my cousin, and now my grandmother as well, who is buried right next to him. Just as God intended them to be.

One night, in July 2000, my younger cousin and I went to the movies. We saw Scary Movie . I don’t even remember if it was funny or not. I do remember a conversation my cousin and I had about religion and our upbrining in the church and how we felt at the time. I was 21 and she was 19. The movie was over at about 1135pm. We lived on the Westside of Atlanta, Adamsville to be exact, and we were at Magic Johnson’s in Greenbriar. It takes about 10 minutes to get from Greenbriar to my grandmother’s house. We got there are about 1147pm.

My grandmother’s house has a split driveway. You can either pull into the left side or the right side. I pulled into the right side. Parked. And walked into the basement door. As I was walking in, my cousin, T, was walking out. He would go to our grandmother’s house every day at least once to check on his mother and my grandmother, who would cook dinner for him everyday. You get things like that when you are Grandma’s right-hand man. I hadn’t seen him in about a week, maybe. Which wasn’t normal. Not that anything was up, he would either stop by my spot to see me or we’d meet up at my grandmother’s house to say what’s up a few times a week. We have a pretty tightknit family like that.

T: What’s up folk, I ain’t seen you like a week, cuz. What’s up, you ain’t got love for your cuz no more?

Me: What’s up T, you know good and well I love you man. I’ll give you a call in a day or two.

*dapping up in black man handshake hug*

T: Alright, folk. I’ll holla at you later. Bye momma…

He walked outside.

I started to walk towards the stairs. At this point there is about 10 feet between us. He’s outside, I’m inside.

My other cousin, who is his little sister, is between the two of us. And then it happened. He yelled, “don’t hit me folk!!!”

He was gone.

1148pm.

Shot once in the heart. Died instantly.

I honestly never heard the gunshot. And to this day that bothers me. Everybody else heard it but I didn’t hear it so for a second I was confused at what I was seeing. I didn’t see anybody else’s face. I just saw T laid out on the ground, his car door open…

A total of 30 seconds at most passed between the time I got to the driveway and he was killed. At my grandmother’s house.

Which means that whoever did it, was there when I pulled up and must have been hiding in the shadows of my grandmother’s carport, which is literally right next to the door we walked into.

Do you remember the scene in Menace II Society where Stacey is trying to revive Kaine after he was shot? That was us. We were shaking trying to wake him up refusing to believe he was gone. Little did we know he was already dead. One of the paramedics told me that later that he died instantly. At least there wasn’t any pain. I had to make all of the phone calls to the family because for whatever reason, I was the only person who could hold the phone. There were four other people in the house when it happened. My aunt (his mother), my grandmother, and his two sisters, one of which went to the movies with me. One of his sisters ran into the street and collapsed. HIs mother lost it as well. My grandmother and other cousin, both of who have the strongest relationships with God of anybody I’ve ever met, both cried, and then prayed.

It took about 10 minutes for it to dawn on me.

The person who killed my cousin had every opportunity to kill me. He had to have seen my face and my other cousin’s as well. For all we knew, he KNEW us. I was afraid to go to my grandmother’s house, or anywhere else for that matter for a week.

I could have died that night. Had I made the decision that would have erased my regret, and parked on the other side of the driveway, I would have seen him, and he might have killed me and my cousin in order to get away. He was clearly going to kill somebody that night. He came there to complete a job. He succeeded.

And that changed my life. I don’t really remember my demeanor before it all happened. I know I was still a happy person and that I wasn’t very negative in nature. But now…

…it’s hard for me to get upset or really depressed. I have my moments like everybody else. But losing my cousin like that, and being so close to the situation and realizing it could have been me, well, everyday I’m alive I’m happy to be here. I have quite a few friends who have asked me how I seem to be so happy or jovial so often and why not much gets me down. I nearly alwasy respond: because I’m alive. Life has been good to me. And it took that day to make me realize just how lucky I am.

My family was scared for me for quite a few days. My father in particular. I was leaving for a summer program in DC a week later so it was a very tense week in my neighborhood for me. I was scared. But somehow, I was just thankful to be alive. I feel that way lots of times. I have a weird peace in my life nowadays. Some things suck, but it takes me very little time to get over certain stuff. I realized how much I love and value my family.

I’m just I love life and living. I appreciate every day that I get. Even the people that drive me crazy are appreciated. Not being afraid to live is one of the best feelings ever. Sure I slack at times, but I know that life is grand and that my cousin is looking down on us while he and my grandmother play backgammon in heaven, something I could never play on Earth.

For a good year, I got really nervous at my grandmother’s house. Even today, everytime I walk by the spot it happened, I have to look over and stare for a while. I can’t get the vivid imagery out of my head, and I’m not sure I ever will. It’s part of me now.

I miss my cousin a lot. At least I got a chance to tell him that I loved him. Anytime we have a family function, everybody always makes sure to mention T and make sure we remember him. And because my family is tres ghetto, somebody always shows up with their RIP t-shirt. I myself have two of them.

So every April 21, on his birthday, I make sure to give thanks for his life and remember his death. My life is what it is now because of him.

Always missed, always loved. I remember.

R.I.P. TJY April 21, 1971 - July 17, 2000

Yesterday, all the major hip-hop online outlets had news of this recent report that said:

Listeners of rap are more likely to encounter problems with alcohol, drugs and violence than listeners of other genres, according to a new study by the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation’s (PIRE) Prevention Research Center.

More than 1,000 community college students, age 15-25, participated in the study, titled “Music, Substance Use and Aggression.” The students were questioned on their music listening habits, alcohol use, illicit drug use and aggressive behaviors, such as getting into fights and attacking or threatening others.

The results found that rap was consistently associated with alcohol use, potential alcohol use disorder, illicit drug use and aggressive behavior. - via Allhiphop.com

On the surface, that looks like another reason to say that rap music is what is afoul in the black community and further, potentially, every community as a whole.

Well, I pooh-pooh on this study.

[***Sidenote: I have no idea why, but I have a newfound affinity for saying "pooh-pooh" when in reference to things that make little to no logical sense to me. There's nothing like being a grown smurfin' black man who uses the word pooh-pooh around other grown people. I'm sexxy. ***]

I’m sure this type of study adds fuel to the fire of those individuals who blame artists for crimes that they had nothing to do with. A kid kills a cop? If he listens to rap, the connection will be made that he killed a cop because he listens to rap. And of course white people, religious anti-rap crusaders, and lots of black people who think that rap is what’s wrong with the black community can find solace in knowing that a seemingly faulty study FROM JUMP further vindicates the hatred that already exists for rap music. Even the researchers claim that the study really isn’t necessarily as indicative as the results maybe used.

But who needs exact science? We need it to feed our beliefs. To hell with legitimate statistics. Give me what I want to HEAR!!!

I even read on SOHH.com where the article was titled: New Study Finds That Rap Music Drives You To Drink And Use Drugs. So even worse, the wrong information is coming from the hip-hop community too. Because yes, there are those in the hip-hop community who love to take shots at the commercial nature and need the ammunition to rail against the 50 Cent’s and southern rappers of the world.

Well…I’m calling bullshit.

Oh my bad, I pooh-pooh on such findings.

From the very second I read the reports on the article, two things jumped right out at me:

1) The sample they were using; and

2) The methodology they were using.

Before I jump into why this all makes little to no sense to me, let me first say I have no problem with doing studies that end up admonishing rap in any way, as long as logical sense is used. I also don’t think that the results cannot be used in any way shape or form. I just think that the way they will be used is wrong and also contains a bit of a, well…no shit, vibe to it. But alas, such is my opinion. On to the analysis.

The sampe they used for this was 1,000 community college students aged 15-25. Now, I’m not rocket scientist or survey psychologist, but in today’s day and age, what is the music form that a good 80 percent of all 15-25 year olds are listeing too?

Anybody?

If you said rap, give yourself a pat on the back. Young people, black and white, during their early years tend to trend similarly in their musical tastes because we all get our musical tastes from where?

Anybody?

MTV.

Now, that’s not to say that MTV is the sole music source for many of us (your parents are also a big source), but in all reality, who doesn’t watch MTV at all? In their teenage years? Let’s ALSO throw into the equation that these are college students (community, but hell its still got an element of education). Raise your hand if you never drank or tried any illicit drug in college, on your own volition.

*spotting a few hands here and there*

It’s kcuffin’ college! Especially in the white world, from what I know, drinking is just one of those things you do. I went to a predominantly white high school. Them white kids would get drunk every weekend like it was nothing. I have no reason to assume that those who were drinking in high school would stop by the time they got to college, be it community or Harvard. In college, the black students were smoking up shit like it was going out of style. I know so many people who experimented with drugs it isn’t even funny. People who I’d never think smoked a few times just because they figured they should get that experience. Hell, I’ve considered smoking a cigar before because I was bored. And that was two weeks ago. I’ve never smoked a thing in my life.

Once again, it’s kcuffin’ college! And they are 15-25 years old and rap is the most popular music form right now. Even people who claim not to be rap fans listen to Nelly. And you know white people love Eminem and 50 Cent. How else would they do those huge numbers?

My second beef is the order of operations or methodology. So, based on what I read, I’m assuming they just gave these folks a questionnaire with questions about their drug use, alcohol assumption, aggression, etc. and it simultaneously questioned them about their music preferences from rap to rock and roll. That’s all well and good except when coupled with the age group and the fact that these are college students, you are going to get results like this. Hmm, I smoke pot. I listen to Nelly. Well, Nelly listeners are prone to smoking pot. It’s too simply done.

If a=b, and b=c, then a=c. With a being college student, b being illicit drug use (or what have you) and c being rap music.

That’s WAY to simple a connection to make. And then run with.

The experiment I’d like to see?

Track kids from an early age all with the same background (and I know that you won’t be able to predict if they come up the same way but hey, that could play a part in it as well) using their musical preferences as a guide. See what happens to the kids that don’t listen to rap and what happens to the kids that do listen to rap. If the kids that don’t listen to rap end up being perfect model citizens and the kids that do end up shanking mofo’s at age 15, well then you got me. But what happens if there is no difference? What happens if the Preacher’s Kid who doesn’t listen to rap drinks as much and smokes more than the lawyer’s son who listens to rap…exclusively?

Hell, on The Boondocks, Huey did an experiment to see if he would be dumber if he watched nothing but black shows for two weeks straight. Now THAT is some science I can get behind!

I realize that these studies are done because somebody probably wants to find out the connection. And at its most basic level, this is probably how some random high school student would do this experiment. But, it seems a tad reckless since most scientists know that most people can’t read nor do they give a shit about the “other findings” like:

Researchers emphasize that the survey’s results can’t determine whether listening to certain genres leads to alcohol or illicit drug use or aggressive behavior.

However, young people with tendencies to use alcohol or illicit drugs or to be aggressive may be drawn to particular music styles.

At that point, it becomes a chicken and the egg scenario. And scientists have been grappling with that one for eons.

Which made this finding even more funny to me:

The study, published in the May issue of the Journal of Studies on Alcohol, also found that young people who listen to reggae and techno use more alcohol and illicit drugs than listeners of other music, with the exception of rap.

So young partygoers and ravers might use drugs??? No way!

Nope. That’s not what people care about.

People care about this: Study shows rap music drives kids to drink and use drugs.

Score one for anti-rap proponents!

“People should be concerned about rap and Hip-Hop being used to market alcoholic beverages, given the alcohol, drug and aggression problems among listeners,” Meng-Jinn said. “That’s particularly true considering the popularity of rap and Hip-Hop among young people.”

You can add a “no shit, sherlock” to the end of that statement as we didn’t need this study to let us know that malt-liquor companies have been trying to use rappers for years to tap into the listeners. St. Ides, anyone?

Maybe, it’s just me, but if that was the point of this study, then the researchers have been asleep at the wheel for quite some time since none of that is news.

So, to the people who will use this as just further proof that rap is what’s wrong with the black community, I pooh-pooh on your assertions and question if you’ve really thought about this study for more than the 10 seconds it took to read the headline that you were happy to read.

Reading is fundamental, rap is the manifestation of a bunch of other problems in the black communiy and the world community as a whole, and niggas that don’t read will get you killed.

And that is some science for that ass.

Much like any inner-city urban youth does when going through some adverse times, over this past weekend I went and cuddled up to my one true love…

…mah’ music.

I jacked that in paraphrasatory manner from The Steve Harvey Show from one of the many episodes where Regina played Steve like a space-aged banjo. Either way, there is some truth in that statement. For some reason, from Thursday night thru Sunday evening, the time that should have been spent doing my taxes was time that was spent going through my music stacks and going hogwild. In total, I must have spent well over 20 hours sitting in or around my computer doing music related things.

Ironically, very little of that time was spent online since Comcast has decided that despite my on-time monthly payments for cable-internet service, I should only receive it at their whim. Smurfers!

Well, this time with my first love (mah’ music) caused me to do a lot of random thinking and come to realizations and out of the benevolence of my heart, I’ve decided to share them with you. How kind of me.

- On Thursday night, at about midnight, my little sister called me because she was bored. Mind you, I had to be at work on Friday but that didn’t seem to bother her much. So we sat on the phone until about 130am EST. Well, at that point, I was no longer tired so I did what any other sane person would do at 130am. I got up and went and surfed my CD’s trying to pull every old school hip-hop album I had (which came to about 45) because as soon as my sister and I got off the phone, I began thinking about making an old school playlist of songs that are GUARANTEED to get any dance floor filled with people over 24 hype. At 130am.

Plus, I really wanted to hear Black Sheep’s “The Choice Is Your’s” remix. At 130am. I love my family.

- I realized that Cypress Hill’s self-titled debut album, of which I have owned on CD since 1991, might be one of the first CD’s I ever purchased. I think the first one was TLC’s Oooooooooh…On The TLC Tip but I really can’t remember which I got first. All I know is that the first time I heard “How I Could Just Kill A Man” when it was playing in the movie Juice in 1991, I had to have it. I was 12. So my dad got it for me and folks wonder why I curse so much now.

RAP MUSIC IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE BLACK COMMUNITY.

-Anybody who really thinks that should be burned in a VW Jetta while Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” plays in the background at blaring levels. They should also have their toenails plucked with Bic pens.

- I no longer hate KRS-One. Despite my admission that he’s a good rapper, I have NEVER been a fan. I’ve never owned a KRS-One album nor have I ever really liked one of his songs THAT much. I recently purchased BDP’s “classic” (yeaaaaaaah…okay) album, Criminal Minded…and I don’t like it. I could so live without that album.

However, “Step Into A World”, “MC’s Act Like They Don’t Know”, and “Outta Here” are hot songs. Period. And KRS really was on his smurf on those joints. I’m not saying I’m a fan for real. I’m just saying that I don’t hate him any longer.

- On a similar note, I think I have finally realized that Rakim really is the greatest rapper of all time. I have been listening to the Paid In Full album non-stop all weekend. And son was really that nice. I used to argue with folks about this since Jay is clearly always able to claim that spot, but this weekend, I was converted into a Rakim fan. However, his stock has fallen off further than Enron, and I’d be okay if I never heard anything new from him ever again.

All that to say, Rakim at his peak, was the best in the game.

- “You Know I Got Soul” by Eric B. & Rakim is one of the best hiphop songs ever. You can disagree, but you will be wrong.

- “They Reminisce Over You” by Pete Rock & CL Smooth is my favorite hiphop song ever. This is purely subjective, but I think this is the best beat ever made. And I would be more than willing to argue about this all the live long day as I realize there are LOTS of songs out there that could vie for title of Best Beat.

-Have you ever heard a song that you know was sampled by a hiphop group but you can’t put your finger on what song used it? That’s happened a few times over the course of my life. Well that happened to me recently. I was at my boy’s house and he played Junior’s song “Mama Used To Say.” For those who don’t think they know that song, I assure you, you do. It is the song with the famous lyrics:

“take your time young man/don’t you rush to get old…”

Anyway, I was perplexed to high Hell listening to that song until it dawned on me what song I remember it from. And it was at this point, my ignorance points reached new levels.

Poison Clan’s “I Hate Hoes”.

Yes, a song by pre-”Whu Dat” JT Money, about his disdain for hoes. The first lines of the song?

“I fell in love with a bitch so I married one/but a nigga in love with a bitch, is very dumb”

The chorus?

“I hate hoes/hoes hate me/I hate hoes/hoes hate me”

I’m so proud. I love ignorance.

-I created an old school hiphop club album this weekend and I had TOTALLY forgotten how effin’ great “Peter Piper” by Run-DMC is. Damn shame they got LL Cool J for that beat though. I didn’t even know until I read it on allhiphop.com (though it makes SO much sense) that the original beat for “Rock The Bells” (which is another of my favorite hiphop songs) was the “Peter Piper” beat. Run-DMC is grimey for that son. But just like in death, seniority usually rules.

-If ever there is a Hip-Hop Hall of Fame, and Bob James doesn’t get in for his contributions to the hip-hop catalog, somethig is foul in the state of Denmark. Seriously, Bob James (and George Clinton and James Brown) has been sampled more times than chinese food in the mall.

-Phyllis Hyman is one of my favorite singers ever. Now. And of course, she’s dead. I think I have an affinity for dead singers or something. All of my favorite voices are folks who have tragically met an end from Donny Hathaway to Sam Cooke to Minnie Ripperton to Marvin Gaye and now to Phyllis Hyman. Word to the wise, if you have a favorite singer that you cherish, make sure I never know about them. It might end badly.

-I mentioned before that I create compilation CD’s in a series that I call, “my mama’s music”, whose original intent was for me to send the CDs to my mother as gifts since she doesn’t want to hear all that hippety hop non-sense. Well, this weekend, I created THREE new compilations in the series. I went from Volume 2 to Volume 5. And as anybody who has tried to do it knows, creating a compilation CD is a difficult undertaking. It seems like you’d just throw a bunch of songs together, right?

Nope. If you really care about what you’re doing, you will think and re-think about songs that make the cut in attempts to make the perfect compilation. It’s a grueling process. Not unlike making sausage. And totally not like it at all.

-Are you still reading?

-I went to my favorite crack dealer, CD Depot in College Park, MD, and had Big Daddy Kane’s first album, Long Live The Kane, IN MY HAND. And put it back because for some reason, I wasn’t convinced it was the first album. What in the HELL was I thinking??? I haven’t been this pissed at myself since…hmm…this is a story.

Have you ever thrown clothes in the washer and dryer and then realized upon pulling them out that you had a ball point pen in with the clothes? Yeah, that happened to me. Luckily, it didn’t open so my clothes were fine. Now, the genius in me had 2 options here. 1) Throw it away. or 2) Open up the pen knowing good and damn well that the ink will spill all over the floor since it didnt happen in the dryer. Clearly option 2 is the wrong way to go.

But I just had to make sure it was the wrong way to go. So I opened up the pen cap and yep…just like I thought, black ink all over the floor and my hand.

Education has nothing to do with being smart. Trust me.

Moral of the story. I had the album in my hands and put it back. Quel idiote.

-Speaking of crack, my iPod has become so important to me that I’m literally AFRAID to leave it at home now. I want it with me everywhere. I put the playlists for all my compilations, of which I have around 10 now, on my iPod. I spent all 20 of the hours this weekend playing with my music (in the non-Andre 3000) way, on iTunes arranging and re-arranging.

Apple’s iPod changed my life.

I love my friends.

Despite the amazing accomplishments of many of my immediate accomplices and co-D’s, rarely do we discuss the future Nobel Prizes, Pulitzer Prizes, and advances that mankind will make due to the diligence and work ethic of my friends. We are, like most other young, gifted, and black people concerned with the important things in life, such as music, pop-culture, movies, relationships, and America’s Next Top Model.

And you can throw an impromptu discussion about religion and race into that list as well.

By the way, wasn’t the first sentence of the paragraph before the preceding paragraph really pretentious and presumptuous? Do you realize I used five (5) words in the last sentence that started with “p” and none of the words has less than 9 letters in them? Probably not.

Well yesterday, one of my co-D’s, who will be graduating from Georgia Tech in August with a Ph.D. in biomedical engineering, and I happened upon a discussion that quickly devolved into a disagreement about behavior in high school. It is possible that some of you reading this will recognize the circumstances for which this question might arise. For others, you will not, which only makes sense because not recognizing is the direct complement of recognizing. It’s either/or bucko. I’m feeling educational today.

So I bring to you the discussion that me and my co-D, The Great, had on yesterday because we need further clarification. This convo also arose with another friend on Monday so you see how important this is to the black community.

Are you ready?

Good.

Mind you, this all involves what you would have done in HIGH SCHOOL. Not yesterday at yo’ mamma ‘nem house. Further, if you let the behavior we will discuss happen after high school, you should not be allowed to procreate as you are singlehandedly bringing down the black community.

The more you know.

*ding*

Let’s start with the main question and work our way into the discussion.

Question. And that’s if only I can ask this question, can I?

Yes you can!!!

When dating somebody, or maintaining interest in somebody for whom you actually have regular contact, and that person has a nickname, how long is it plausible to go without actually KNOWING their real name? And is it even realistic to assume that you will go any significant time (like say, a week) without knowing their real name? Can you date somebody without ever knowing their real name?

Let’s say you are in high school, and you meet a nice young lady (clearly this is from the male’s point of view but it can go either way) at the mall who tells you that her name is Woopty-Woop. Despite her gawdawful nickname, you are interested and she is as well. The two of you exchange information and you wait the pre-requisite day to call. Now, when you do decide to call, you will realize that you are about to ask whoever answers the phone for a Woopty-Woop, but you have a little reassurance knowing that she probably gave you her cell phone number. If she doesn’t have a cell phone, you will still call but you will be nervous from the potential that you just might ask a grown smurfin’ person who answers the phone for a person named Woopty-Woop knowing good and smurf well that no parent in their right mind (though a parent out of their right mind might do so) would name their child no smurfin’ Woopty-Woop.

Say you do get direclty to Woopty-Woop. And you all begin conversatin’ (I assume they’re both black since I doubt white people would have a nickname like Woopty-Woop, so it is entirely possible that they will conversate), in my mind, one of the FIRST questions that will be asked is, “so what’s your real name?” Followed by the most logical second question you ask a fellow high schooler who doesn’t go to school with you, “what school do you go too?”

It is my opinion that it is entirely unfathomable to go more than a week DATING (in high school terms which means talking on the phone and meeting up at the mall for kissy-face which leads to the hopefully safe sex in a car behind the mall), you would at least find out the person’s real name. And further, you’d want to know where they went to school.

My boy, The Great, disagrees. He doesnt think the real name is important and that as long as you have a name to call them, you’re in the game. He also doesn’t think that finding out what school the other person goes to is important either.

We are at an impasse. And we need your help. Is finding out a person’s real name that important or is it just good enough to have something to call them? And is where they go to school irrelevant to high schoolers?

When I was in high school, knowing where people went to school was important. We had a high school in Huntsville, Alabama, Lee High School, where it seemed like all the fine chicks went. If you were dating a chick from Lee, you were in there like swimwear (girls callin’ me hun)

First off, R.I.P. to rapper Proof (nee DeShaun Holton) from the Detroit group, D-12 who was killed at an afterhours spot in Detroit last nght. It is not a good year for Detroit on the rap front…at all. (via Allhiphop.com)

*****

“…straight up pimp, if you want me you can find me in the A…” - Big Boi, “Kryptonite”, Purple Ribbon All-Stars, Vol. 2

I went to see the movie ATL starring everybody’s favorite dopeboy, T.I., last night. I really enjoyed the movie and I’d recommend it to everybody. Is it cinematic perfection? No. But I go for entertainment. I was entertained.

Two thumbs up. And a pinky toe.

While watching the movie, I got a whole bunch of random movie, Atlanta, and life thoughts. So I figured, I’d share them. Also, there is a “twist” in the movie. I won’t share it here but I will say that it becomes quite obvious at one point AND for me, it was a relief in SO many ways.

Let us begin, shall we? Yes, let’s.

-I really miss Atlanta. From the opening scenes of the movie I found myself really missing being there. When the song “Georgia” by Ludacris and Field Mob came on, I almost shed a tear. Then I realized I went to the movies by myself and a bunch of teenage pseudo-thugs would probably begin laughing at me. So my pride caught me. Thank goodness. Bottom line, I really miss Atlanta.

-I thought that the movie did a good job of representing Atlanta. And especially the Southside of Atlanta. Yeah, they took some liberties with the actual location of some things but hey, it’s a movie. That area of Atlanta really looks like that. And Jason Weaver cleary doesn’t get enough acting roles. One time for SouthWest Atlanta AKA The SWATS.

-Lauren London is fine. She made one fine smurfin’ hoodrat too. But her accent irritated me to high Hell. I cringed listening to her talk. My mother’s entire side of the family is from the West side of Atlanta. All those places you hear T.I. talking about on his songs…yeah, that’s my momm’a side, Bankhead, Bowen Homes, and Adamsville.

I am the Adamsvillain.

“…I got that shit from Simpson Road/Adamsville, Bowen Homes, Center Hill, Zone 4…” - T.I. , “Ride Wit’ Me”, King

Don’t NOBODY on my momma’nem side talk like she did. I NEVER cringe listening to my family members. She made me cringe.

Big ups to Adamsville.

-I have a personal story to share. One of my boys, The Great, called me the other day to talk about the movie. I hadn’t seen it so we strayed away from the movie, but he did have a question for me.

The Great: Yo, is Mechanicsville a real neighborhood?

Peyton Place Panama: Yeah…dude, are you serious?

The Great: Yeah, I thought they were trying to make it like it was Adamsville or something.

Peyton Place Panama: Seriously, you’re joking right?

The Great: *silence* No, why you asking?

Just like in ATL, we get a “twist” in the story right here. Waaaaaaaaaait for it…

Waaiiiiiiiiit for it…

Peyton Place Panama: Nigga, BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN MECHANICSVILLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Great: WHAT???!?!!!

Peyton Place Panama: Dude, you fuckin’ live in Mechanicsville. Well close enough. You know the corner of Pryor Road and Abernathy…that’s Mechanicsville. Nigga, there’s a fuckin’ sign right there that says…Mechanicsville. You drive by that shit like everyday and you have never ONCE noticed it????

The Great: Wait…you’re surely right!!! Oh shit…I sure do!

In the two days since we have had this conversation, he called me yesterday morning to tell me he saw the sign, and texted me this morning to tell me that he was “driving thru Mechanicsville. Est. 1893″.

Further, he’s been living in Atlanta for the past 9 years now and actually in the vicinity of Mechanicsville for like 2. I’d like to offer my congratulations to the Least Observant Negro In History.

Mechanicsville, Atlanta, Georgia for those that don’t know, don’t show, or just don’t care about what happens in the hood is located in South West Atlanta south of I-20, west of the 75/85 connector and borders the railroad on the south and west. Sheesh…negroes.

-I don’t know what its like in other cities, but going to the skating rink really is a big deal in Atlanta. I used to live on MLK before I moved to DC and about a year before I graduated, they opened up the Cascade Family Skating Center which is prominently displayed in the movie on MLK Blvd. That place is ALWAYS jumpin’ on the weekends. When my cousin, who is now like 15 and going to Douglass (or Doug for the locals), would get in trouble her punishment would be that she couldn’t go to Cascade. Her world would end that weekend, literally. It’s really as packed as they show in the movie and it’s really as live as they show in the movie.

In undergrad, my boy Barry used to work at Sparkle in Riverdale. Like clockwork, every weekend we’d be up in there trying to look good and snag some chicks because on Sunday nights…that’s where the chicks were. Though I said that gangsta’s don’t roller-skate, there sure are a bunch of niggas on skates doing tricks that look like they’ll rob you as soon as you walk out. If you’re in Atlanta and you want to see some real local fun…go to the skating rink, and if you’re not afraid to be on MLK Blvd. at midnight, go to Cascade.

-I thought that the group of friends really came off well. They seemed like real friends who could joke with eachother and understood that everybody was trying to make it. Nobody was trying to hold anybody back or judge anybody for being who they were. They had the prep boy who was trying to make it out the hood, the uber-ghetto negro who just loved being an uber-ghetto negro (Jason Weaver…get him more ghetto parts STAT), Rashad (T.I.) who is like any other regular cat in the hood who’ just living trying to do something with himself and his family, and the NY transplant who reminds everybody that he’s from NY at every turn.

Niggas from NY really do that too. It’s like there’s NY, then the rest of the world. They even had a good little convo about that at the requisite ATL stop, Waffle House.

I can’t not do this, so bear with me.

Can we please have a moment of silence for the infamous North Avenue IHOP?

*silence*

If you never experienced it, your life is missing something. You betta know dat.

-Big Boi from Outkast is a show stealer. He pulled off being a dopeboy so well it was almost frightening. He was a little too cool-and-callous. Funny as hell in the most frightening way possible.

-In the beginning scenes of the movie, Rashad, his brother Ant, and his Uncle are cleaning up a Value Village which just HAS to be the one on Metropolitan Parkway. That conjured up memories from February 2005 when I was in Atlanta and the cashier at Value Village got all uppity with me cuz I didnt know that at Value Village, the cashiers don’t remove the hangers themselves…the customers do. So just like in February 2005…

…I’d like to send an Extra Special Fuck You out to the Value Village on Metropolitan Parkway for having the nerve to be bougie…at Value Village on Metropolitan Parkway also know in Atlanta as, “the track.” Not to be confused with the “trap”. The trap has the dopeboys, the track has the hoes.

-Shoutouts to Spelman College getting mentioned in the movie. Needless to say, Spelman holds a special place in my heart and will always be my favorite place on Earth. Extra special shoutouts to Packard Hall, though I’m an Abby and HH man myself.

-Speaking of famous Atlanta landmarks, I love how Eddie’s Gold Teeth makes it up in the movie. Grills have always been popular in Atlanta, but it seems like Eddie’s has gotten way more popular in the last few years. It is also one of the longest running search queries to this site. Every month, no less than 5 people do searches for Eddie’s Gold Teeth and end up on my site. Hell, I didn’t even know where it was until I realized so many people were searching for it and I was informed that it’s at Greenbriar Mall, which is my favorite mall in Atlanta, with Cumberland coming in second. You need shoes, some bomb chinese food, or some good This Is It!! ribs??? Greenbriar is your spot.

-There is one scene in the movie that is hilariously funny. Let’s just say Lost in Translation takes on a whole new meaning when involving a nigga from Atlanta. It is also a scene that SO many people who venture to Atlanta from other places can relate too. In college, me and my boy Johnny Kwest would go to the Checkers on MLK (Adamsville beeyotch!) and I would intentionally let JK do the ordering because he could NEVER understand what the Checkers employees were saying. You can’t create comedy like that, it just has to fall into your lap. I’d have to translate all the time. Nothing is funnier than hearing this:

Checker’s Worker: ‘Sup shawty…whajaogjaodihjaoi…knowhumtalkin’bout?

Johnny Kwest: Ummm…Uhhhhh…*turning to me* What in the FUCK did he just say????!!??

Peyton Place Panama: He just asked if you wanted a banana milkshake.

JK: No shit???

PPP: Yep.

JK: I don’t know how in the hell you can understand that shit. *turning back* Naw nigga…give me 2 .99 cent spicy chicken sandwiches.

CW: Ok…weljsaljfoidoajfodajoijfijadodjofojo…

JK: Shit…sure. *driving around to the front*

Also, I’d like to send an extra special fuck you out to Checker’s in Washington, DC for NEVER having $. 99 spicy chicken sandwiches when in Atlanta, them hoes are ALWAYS $ .99.

-This movie is also home to one of the WORST sex scenes ever in a movie, if it was even supposed to be that. Trust me on this one. You’re kids don’t have to close their eyes.

Since this is getting long…

-Overall, it’s a good movie with some laughs, some heartwarming moments, some life lessons, some fine ass women (synonymous with Atlanta), some hoodrats (synoymous with Atlanta), and a bunch of dudes trying to figure out life. Well worth the entertainment…

“…you can find me in the A…A….A….”

Boy stop!

Do you have an itch that you want someone else to scratch?

Are you pissin’ razorblades and would like somebody else to piss switchblades with you?

Have you constantly wondered why all the people in the Herpes commercials seem so doggone…well…happy?

Well it’s because Michael Jackson isn’t the only obviously infected person who isn’t alone. If you need some of that good fire love, venture on over to the internet’s newest hot spot…

…MatchSTD.com.

If you have ants in your pants and haven’t been able to find somebody who can relate to your struggle, this is the place for you.

According to the site’s co-founder, MatchSTD.com averages about 800 people looking for that new hotness per day.

‘We`re averaging about 800 members a day,’ said co-founder Bentley Dawson. ‘This all happened so quickly. We went from pretty much nothing to 15,000 hits an hour, and as of today, we`ve gotten 35,000 hits in an hour.’

I hope those hits are protected!

In all seriousness (albeit short-term seriousness), this is actually a really good idea. I mean, in today’s day and age where diseases run as rampant as Carl Lewis, I can imagine a lot of STD infected individuals having trouble on the dating scene. Though, I can’t imagine somebody with gonorrhea really feeling like swapping gonorrhea for syphillis is a good tradeoff. But that’s just my close-minded thinking.

All I know is that today, my life is better, because I know that on the off-chance that I do contract an STD, I can find me a woman who not only has the hots for me, she’ll will also have the “hots” for me. And that makes me smile.

Thank you MatchSTD.com. Anonymously sparking the fire of romance since 2006!

[***DISCLAIMER: This was very insensitive. And quite frankly, I don't give a smurf! It's been a while since I've garnered some Hell points. Now we can all burn together. Get it...burn?? *sigh* I'm on Orbitz right now booking my ticket to West Hades. ***]

Need…water.

I keed. I keed.

About twice a year, the powers that be forget that I’m a government worker.

Government worker. noun. person employed by Uncle Sam who has set work hours, performs the maximum work in the most minimal of fashions, has great benefits and job security, and would like to make big bucks but isn’t a fan of that whole work hard ideal thereby settling for the comforts of working for organizations who’s sole goal is to exist and provide jobs, not exactly complete tasks

Me right now? Glad you asked. Let’s just say me and Hebrew slaves are a little like Bobby and Whitney.

We got something in common. You know, Bobby Brown’s Bobby album was actually pretty good to me.

Anyway, what this means in the grand scheme of things is that I will be actually doing very short posts when I do manage to post, or having guest posters, similar to celebrity posters, only not at all.

Anywho…today while surfing MTV, I found an article about a Colorado middle school banning camouflage clothing as it promotes certain patriotic ideals and with the current immigration debate raging, certain clothing might be deemed divisive.

In a letter sent to parents last week, administrators at the Westminster, Colorado, school explained that the move to ban any clothes with political messages or flags of any sort was for the safety of students. The school’s principal, Myla Shepherd, said that tensions over the immigration issue were recently apparent when more than 20 students came to school wearing camouflage jackets and pants, apparently to show what they call their patriotism and American pride, according to the CBS4 report.

Admittedly, I don’t know all that much about the immigration debate and I’d like to say kudos to the school, and potentialy district for trying to difuse an already explosive situation…but um…

I’m calling bullshit. I’m all for stopping kids from wearing provocative clothing, but banning camouflage just to stop some American kids, in America, from having pride? Fuck that. I know people have beef with patriotism and I have my own beefs, but hell, this IS America right? Are they stopping everybody from wearing any clothing that might be deemed divisive?

Shit, I don’t see anybody stopping hillbilly rednecks from rocking clothing with the Confederate flag which is as divisive as any other symbol. Down south, if you go to school with a bunch of white kids that’s just something you have to deal with, from the t-shirts to the license plates, etc. And we got into fights, a lot, behind that stuff.

It’s kind of funny isn’t it? In a time where doing anything unpatriotic can get you blacklisted, when people do anything that might be deemed patriotic, if it steps on the toes of somebody else’s interest group, all of a sudden we want to cap the patriotism.

I know you have to protect kids, and if they were fighting because some of the immigrant kids (or foreigners) took offense to the American kids patriotism then I suppose you do what you have to do in the schools for safety’s sake. So I’m not saying this is wrong, per se, it’s just…interesting.

In other news, Bonds on Bonds (the new ESPN series) is my new shit. I was already a fan of Barry Bonds even with all the controversy. I like the total spinjob he’s doing with his show to try to humanize himself and gain sympathy. I’m all for biased reporting. Viva la Barry!