[***This right here is another Panama-length entry. Reading is Fundamental. ***]

Hi, my name is Panama and I’m a hip-hop fan.

Hi Panama.

I realized something a few days ago. And I’m not quite sure how to say this so I might as well just say it straight up.

I like being lied too.

*gasp*

Yes, apparently as a fan of mainstream hip-hop, I appreciate being lied too from some of my favorite artists.

Notice I said, MAINSTREAM rap. For all of you boho’s out there who will think this is an indictment on ALL rap, please read the preceeding sentence again. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

*humming Eminem’s “I’ll Kill You”*

N.W.A. lied to me constantly, Mobb Deep lies to me all of the time…

STOP.

We have a further twist in the soap opera of Deep In The Unit. Allegedly, Prodigy, the once shining prince to Nas’ King of Queensbridge (despite being from Lefrak City), was quoted as saying:

“God didn’t save my life, 50 saved my life.”

I’m officially going on the record as saying that Prodigy is hands down in love with 50 Cent. I’m also going to go ahead and make this call: If this album tanks, Mobb Deep will be no more as I don’t believe that Havoc will be able to take anymore of the ubergayness that Prodigy is exuding regarding 50 Cent. It is causing longtime fans of the Mobb to really question their gangsta. You saw it here first folks.

Back to the lies.

T.I. lies to me. The Game lies to me. Nelly lies to you all. Ludacris lies to me. 50 Cent lies to any and everybody who will listen. B.G., Lil Wayne, etc. Well you get the point. These niggas are all lying because they continue to write all of these tales of their current street acumen and all of the weapons they travel with and the drugs they currently slang, etc.

And I am a fan.

Now granted, I don’t actually believe any of these dudes do half of the shit they claim to do. I don’t believe that Young Jeezy is moving that much snow in the hood or that T.I. is still moving snow in the hood or that 50 Cent does or Cam’ron. I don’t believe that any of these dudes has murdered anybody, with the possible exception of 50 Cent and that’s strictly due to one line on his song “Problem Child.”

“they say you can never repay the price for taking a man’s life/I’m in debt with Christ cuz I done did that twice” - 50 Cent

I’ll admit, I do question the veracity of that statement and maybe it just sounds good in rhyme. But, errrum, most rappers tell you that they WILL kill you, as in future tense. 50 says that he HAS done it. Somehow, that makes me a little nervous. Luckily he isn’t in any jeopardy of going to Heaven anyway as I do in fact believe his posters are plastered through the Great Hall of Hades as one of the biggest proponents of Hell.

But for the most part, I don’t believe most of these rappers who spend so much time trying to get us to buy into the fact that they really have that much street credibility. And I’m not saying that none of these dudes sold drugs. I’m sure that T.I. did as I’m sure that Jay-Z did. I’m sure 50 Cent did as well as a slew of other rappers. Of course, there are lots of questions about how big these “drug dealers” were as even Biggie’s own people have said that he wasn’t nearly the drug dealer that he claimed to be as he was merely dealing in selling small amounts of weed, but I do believe they were selling drugs. The way some of these rappers move, in particular 50 Cent, gives credence to the fact that their street acumen does have some validity to it. Many of these dudes do indeed have the soul of hustlers so I believe that many of them have done SOME of the things they claim in rhyme. Let’s just say that they amongst the lies they share resides some segment of truth.

But between all of the murders these rappers claim to be willing to commit and all of the weight that they claim to be moving and the fact that I don’t actually believe any of them are as big time as they claim, it just seems that I like being lied too. I mean, I buy into it as it relates to their persona on wax. And somehow, they seem to buy into their own stories enough to convince me to buy into them. And I’m not alone. For some strange reason, as far as our mainstream rappers go, with the possible exception of Kanye West, we all like to hear about how hard these dudes are and we can easily look past the fact that their entire catalog is filled with odes to drug slanging and killin’ niggas on the block.

[***Sidenote: Since there is no better place to do this, am I the only person who's about damn tired of seeing UGK, and paritcularly Bun B, on EVERYBODY'S songs? Seriously, I'm a huge UGK fan. I was a fan before many folks even knew who they were largely because I'm from the South, but facts are facts. Right about now, I'd be happy never hearing from the again. It almost seems like they have NOTHING to rap about anymore either. I used to love Pimp C and I'm starting to despise him. I guess what they say about overexposure is true, which would explain the hate for Beyonce, Halle Berry, 50 Cent, etc. I just want them to take a break for a while. Also, Houston has ALREADY begun to fall off...anybody else notice that?? A.T.L. it isn't. ***]

Now for the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’ll let this type of shit slide. The lies, I mean. Most normal people detest liars. People that will lie to you are the very people you’d not want to be around. Yet in mainstream rap, being able to convince people of your street respectability, be it fabricated or not, is paramount. If somebody found out that Kenny Rogers never had played a game of poker, well, how upset would the country music world be. Or what if the Dixie Chicks were from Canada? Or what if Guns ‘N Roses didn’t live the life they sang about. Of course, that’s an impossibility because if you’ve seen the vh1 Behind The Music on the Guns, you’d realize, them white boys and Slash were nuckin’ futs.

I guess this all ties into the very notion that even as an educated black man, respect and pride are very important. I live in a black neighborhood and you don’t want anybody to even think about wanting to mess with you. Somehow, these are the problems we concern ourselves with. So I sometimes walk around with this air of “don’t fuck with me or this might be a bad day for you”. We all know I’m as gangsta as they come, but we also all know that I purchased a Hillary Duff CD. The key is to not let anybody else know it. And I think this is a problem that is unique to the young black man experience. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that we spend a lot of time trying to scare the bejesus out of white and black people. Hell, we don’t have anything else…all we have is our respect.

Or so we say.

And maybe that’s why we like to be lied to so much. We spend so much time trying to be the dude that everybody wouldn’t want to mess with, kind of as a manifestation of our idea of self-preservation, that despite the sheer impossibility of many of these rappers claims, we see them as a lot like us, even if we may come from totally different circumstances. We’re still young black men and we share the same problems. Just like me (though not really at all), they might like snowboarding (like The Game does), but don’t let anybody look at him wrong on that snowboard or he might have to beat you down (rumored true story…when was the last time you saw three parenthetical statements in one sentence?). And I’ll have to do the same. I’m a G.

Right?

I remember during the last episode of Season 3 of The Wire, after Stringer Bell, had been gangstaliciously murdered by Omar and Brother Mouzone, Detective McNulty was in Stringer’s apartment looking through his books and possessions and he couldn’t believe the types of books String had apparently been reading. It was so astounding to him he wondered aloud who in the hell was he chasing?

I wonder if a lot of these dudes are indeed like that. They all seem to look up to Tupac and we know the intelligent hoodlum he was. I know a lot of people don’t like Tupac as a rapper, and I have my days as well, but as a person he was the epitome of the young black man so many of us wish to be. Educated but respected by all. He had the pedigree, he had the struggle, he had the ability to rise above it, and he went out in a blaze of glory. Actually, nix that last part, I’d rather go out while drinking some Kool-Aid when I’m 98.

All in all, I wonder if the reason we love being lied to so much is that because so many of us spend so much time lying to ourselves about who we really are. From white suburban “thugs” to some of the inner-city black “thugs”. Yeah the white boys get to grow out of it, but so many of us young black men still fall victim to the idea that we have to be able to be respected in the streets, at age 30.

So yes, I like being lied too. Hell, I enjoy it thoroughly. And I think I don’t pay much attention to it because in some kind of weird way, I understand.

Besides, if I want honesty, I’ll just listen to Milli Vanilli.

Oh, right.