Bonded For Life
[***EDIT (3/21/2006): I was going to post a new entry today, but an interesting comment popped up that seems to be great fodder for a knock-down drag out convo between men and women. Not sure if the comment was real in the first place since the last person who wrote as "A Us Citizen" was just calling me gay, but she did pose an interesting question. So venture to the comments and let the games begin. Ichiban bitches!***]
[***Today we're gonna start the week of topics provided by the masses. First up to bat, Barry Bonds!***]
Let’s see:
Swollen head: check!
Swollen body: check!
Ridiculously Increased Statistical Performance AFTER 35: check!
Personal Trainer supplies steroids to everybody: check!
Face it, Barry Bonds is guilty of doping up to increase his prominence amongst the tainted legends of baseball stars past.
And I, for one, don’t give a flying fuck.
It’s interesting how huge the discussion about Barry Bonds has become amongst baseball circles. He’s been guilty in the court of public opinion for years now, but if he keeps belting out homeruns on his quest for Babe Ruth’s historic 714, we’ll all still watch.
If I was Barry Bonds, when I hit number 715, I’d risk suspension and pissing off an entire nation by running the basepath with the middle finger salute up to everybody. The fact that sports reporters have clearly quit their day jobs to churn out books on the fact that Barry Bonds has used steroids speaks to the fact that, basically, folks really don’t have shit better to do with their time.
I read this on ESPN, but Barry Bonds really is like the new OJ Simpson to white people. He’s destroying America’s, increasingly colorless, pasttime. OJ went out and got him a white woman, and subsequently had her ass chop suey’d. Barry Bonds played baseball and subsequently shit all over it by taking its most beloved record, the home run record, and did it thru tainted means.
Hell, you’d think that Barry Bonds was a terrorist or something the way he’s being treated. If he wasn’t in danger of breaking Babe Ruth’s record, I don’t think he’d get THIS much hateration thrown at him. Well, that and the fact that he’s a total jackass to the press. But hell, he’s been that way since day one right?
Much like every other black person in America, I can’t help but notice how much of a free pass Mark McGwire, the All-American white boy has gotten in this entire debacle. The steroids he was publicly using were banned a few years after he broke the then home run record set by Roger Maris at 71. I don’t understand for the life of me how that muhfucka gets NO burn nowadays as having tainted the legacy of baseball. Nope…just Bonds. Major league baseball players have been using steroids and destroying the sanctity of the game for years.
So have track stars.
Football players.
Weight lifters.
Old people.
Oh, my bad, that’s marijuana which destroys the American home by having high kids run over a girl on a bicycle who is strangely riding on a busy street in front of a fast food restaurant drive thru without a parent in sight. Hell, she might have gotten hit regardless.
You know who I feel bad for in this whole steroid scandal? Jose Canseco.
That damn Jose “El Cubano” Conseco has been TRYING to get the press that Bonds receives daily. And yet, all the notoriety goes to Bonds. Conseco tried to singlehandedly bring down Major League Baseball with a book called “Juiced” detailing all of the steroid-based knowledge he could muster.
He admitted it.
He released his book and got his day in the sun.
Bonds hasn’t admitted to shit.
And we can’t stop talking about him.
Poor Jose. He even tried to holler at Christina Milian and she rejected him. His esteem must be fucked right about now.
I’ll bet Barry would love to share the spotlight with Jose a little more.
This whole steroid-Bonds bullshit speaks to America’s and the people-whp-can’ts desire to have things done our way. Barry isn’t a media darling, so we don’t want him to be the asshole who passes the Babe’s record. White people love Babe Ruth and hold him up as this paragon of athleticisim and value.
However, only black people really seem to be ones talking about the fact that had he been playing in an era where black pitchers were allowed to challenge him, he might not have been the same player. He might have, but we’ll never know.
America doesn’t want Bonds to break the record because he didn’t do it the right way. Hell, what does that even mean anymore? Who ISN’T taking some kind of supplement in sports? Everybody’s looking for an edge. I say let the steroids ride. If grown ass men want to kill themselves at 50, let them. It’s their choice.
Barry Bonds legacy might be at stake here as far as Hall of Fame voters go, but for my money, I say fuck ‘em. Crush Babe’s record. That way the legacy will be talked about forever. If he doesn’t make it into the Hall of Fame, they’ll HAVE to talk about you forever. Same way they do it with Pete Rose. Pete Rose is as central a figure to baseball nowadays as he was in his heyday. We HAVE to bring his name up every year.
Same thing with Barry Bonds. If he doesn’t get in, it will be a travesty; if he does (I think I used a semi-colon right for the first time EVER), he deserves it but it isn’t the “right” way.
Fuck ‘em all Barry.
Do just like you have been doing. Every homerun you hit will be a gigantic fuck you to baseball, America, and the people who are upset about OJ Simpson’s not guilty verdict…
…as long as you don’t kill your white wife too.
Good night and good luck!
March 20th, 2006 10:34
Since we are on a baseball note today. Can you please tell me why the media isn’t ripping U.S. baseball the way they ripped U.S basketball during the summer games? They got the azz handed to them in America’s pastime this past week.
March 20th, 2006 10:44
Wow, great post. And that’s a GREAT question the first commenter posed? Hmmm…
Anyway, I agree with you almost 100% on this one…this brings new meaning to “much ado about nothing,” ESPECIALLY considering when these baseball players supposedly juiced up, IT WASN’T ILLEGAL OR AGAINST MLB rules…hello? Mcfly? lol
Also, (hope I don’t get in trouble for this shameless plug), but check out the Stews, they’ve talked about this subject a lot…and they’re now national, including in DC, they come on AM in the afternoon: http://www.2livestewstalk.net/
Kay, shameless plug over…good night and good luck! lol
T
March 20th, 2006 11:05
Panama,
Good lookin out, great column on Barry. I never thought about the last part though. You are right, if they don’t let me in, he will forever be talked about, and if they do, he will still be talked about. I think no matter what, barry wins and MLB loses.
March 20th, 2006 12:21
he still hasn’t technically been “caught” other than admitting to using some “cream” that he, “didn’t know contained steroids.” so, i guess until he gets caught or admits using - all those books are heresay and such.
i don’t look down on him though, without steroids, he is still arguably the greatest baseball player of all time. plus, as u pointed out: all athletes look for ways to enhance their games. all athletes by the nature of profession are obsessive compulsive. so do u blame the athlete or the profession? and a lot more people than him were, and are using steroids, he just happens to be one of the better ones.
if they were allowed to get away with it, and the offense wasn’t illegal then he didn’t do anything wrong except piss off a whole bunch of sports writers who idolize babe ruth.
plus, it’s his body, i don’t really give a f*ck what he does with it, he’s a grown ass man.
March 20th, 2006 12:47
Good post!
March 20th, 2006 13:23
sportswriters are paid groupies…
[watchin' over my shoulder cuz i happen to know quite a few of 'em]
they travel around the country lookin’ for stories to talk about athletic feats that they can only dream of doing! male sportswriters are essentially…male groupies.
as if we didn’t know this already, American media can be EXTREMELY biased. such is the case with Barry Bonds and the atrocious showing that Team USA had in the WBC [notice how they've been given a pass with the primary reason being "they're not in mid-season form"].
American’s…we’re some arrogant bastards. the rest of the athletic world ain’t scared of us no more. the only game we dominate is American football. but u put some pads on a few rugby players and we might get our asses handed to us!
we even do it to our own statesmen! i’d like to give a special “fuck you” sandwich with EXTRA shit to Jim Nantz and Billy Packer for arguing that George Mason didn’t belong in the NCAA tournament.
yeah, G. Mason fucked up my bracket…but when Jim Nantz reported the outcome of the UNC-George Mason game he basically said, “hey, my bad! i’ll just stick to callin’ play-by-play.”
Billy Packer didn’t say a damn thing…prolly too much shit in his mouth.
its that same arrogance that makes Barry Bonds a story. some of these writers need a lifetime prescription of industrial strength Listerine strips…cuz the shit that comes out they mouth makes me wanna hurl!
March 20th, 2006 22:28
Panama, I need your help. Something happened to me the other day, and I want you to tell me if what I did was wrong. *sighs* Well here is the short version. This one dude I’ve been messing with came by the other day because he was horny and I was horny. I mean how could anyone blame me I had just went a whole day without sex. Well anyhoo, before I knew it, once he arrived at my place, we were ripping clothes, hips bucking, you know all the fun stuff.
Well he wasn’t getting me where I wanted to go, so I started masturbating in front of him. I mean I was moaning, wiggling and uttering shit like the fiend I am. Well he got upset, snatched up his clothes, and stormed out the room. I couldn’t run after him because I was still in a sex fog, but eventually I came to. Hey what can I say, my hands are the shit!
Anyhoo I played the role, “baby what’s the matter?” He looked at me in disgust and said “you had the audacity to finish by yourself?” I said “yep the shit was too good.” He told me to go fuck myself which I already had, but oh well. I started singing a Kirk Franklin song butt ass naked, and almost got a little scared.
His eyes bugged out of his socket and he started walking slowly to me. You see he’s a deacon, so I think my song was a low blow. But anyhoo he told me I was selfish and that I disrespected him. Would you be mad if a girl started masturbating in front of you? Was I wrong? I picked you for the question because you seem honest enough. Oh and a week later he called back wanting to patch things up. I guess it was too painful for him to admit that there are few girls that can work those hips a certain way or make you sob silently in a fetal position delighting in the joy. So of course I got that inevitable phone call in the middle of the night accomapnied with tears. Hey I’m a bad bitch what can I say. Oh and about Barry Bonds, great article! Smile and enjoy your day.
A US citizen who wants your opinion.
PS If I offended any church folk, I’m sorry. I’m a sinner saved by grace.
March 21st, 2006 11:39
Oooooooooooootay…
(And I seriously doubt anybody who comes here would be offended by your comment given the many attempts I’ve made at getting myself front row seats at Hell’s Pavillion right off Hades Parkway and Lucifer Circle.)
What we clearly have here is a case of male pride. For some odd reason, all men wish to think that they are able of providing perfenctory palatable pleasure to their womenfolks. You finishing off yourself made him feel like you were saying he wouldn’t be able to do the job.
That’s the analysis…now for the judgement.
Oh, and kudos on singing the Kirk Franklin song. You ma’am are an asshole and I couldn’t be prouder!
Whether or not you were wrong depends on whether or not you actually care about making your man feel like “the man” (not Starbucks but the Billy Dee Williams before the whole assault incident “the man”). See, if you don’t care and its all about getting yours, then no, fuck him. Somehow, I feel like you and he have a deeper connection or he wouldn’t have taken it so personal. Unless, with him being a deacon, he was trying to look good to the Big Guy upstairs, and took your self-induced finish as an affront to his Godliness, in which case he’s going to Hell since who in their right mind gets ass-without-ring and tries to impress God with their masculine wilds?
You wait til AFTER you’re married to try to impress God with your skills.
However, if you do truly care about your man, then maybe you were wrong. And yes, it is the double standard issue. Such is life. Plus, you did try to rub it in his face, maybe unintentionally, but you know…his pride is clearly going to hit astronomical levels, not unlike Kanye’s ego, and you basically made him look a little…pussy, no pun intended…actually it kind of was, but moreso after re-reading that last sentence. Anyway…maybe you hit a nerve with him. Maybe his chicks ALWAYS have to either fake it or finish themselves off…
Which begs another question, maybe this is women’s fault, as a whole. Period. <—-Definitely no pun intended. You see, so many women fake orgasms and shit to make their men feel better that your Deacon could be running around thinking he’s pleasuring his flock, and they all are just praying for him to finish so they can break out their funBOBbies and kneel at the altar of the O.
That is my breakdown…I know you asked my opinion, but the good folks who frequent here might have an opinion on what I’ve said so I’d like to open the floor to disagreements or agreements.
Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch!
March 21st, 2006 12:44
hmmmm.. I am a woman that does that pretty much on the regular..(tickle myself while dude is trying to throw down) LOL. I have had mixed reviews. The freaky dudes LOVE IT. and call later to tell me how they j*ck off thinking about it. The straight laced/controlling types HATE IT, and get offended, or tell me to move my hand, or whatever.. LOL. I guess it’s about knowing your partner.
March 21st, 2006 13:45
See I have a question? What kind of “tool” is he uhh plowing with? Becuz im sorry size DOES matter and Panama may be right. Ladies stop fooling these men. If they are not getting the job done like Kane then let him know. I myself am guilty of such treason but have changed my ways. Last dude I messed with wasnt doing the job (among other things) and has since been dismissed. Sex is a major part of a relationship (for me) and if it aint good, then we aint gona last. If he’s a deacon he should be able to handle the truth! Do you girl! lol
March 21st, 2006 14:01
Well, masturbation doesn’t mean the sex was bad! Sometimes it means you are insatiable, and the more get, the more you want, and at some point their stamina gives, and you want to get off JUST ONE MORE TIME! (or maybe that’s just me?)
March 21st, 2006 15:07
As a chick that frequently tickles her own fancy, I don’t see the problem. Any dude that has a problem with self-service is not the dude for me. It just makes for a better experience.. Personally, I like all the good spots manipulated simultaneously, so when i’m fortunate enough to actually have another person in bed, I’m getting the full service and that means his hands,mouth and errythang else along with my own. I just thought that was how it was done.
I do agree with you Panama about women and faking. I mean, what’s the point? Next time he steps up to bat he’s just gonna try the same swing he struck out with last time. My orgasms are way too important for that bullshit.
As for brown bombshell, it’s all in HOW you do it. Men’s egos are so fragile that certain ones need to be introduced to “help” in a manner that doesn’t take anything away from their manhood. From the tone of your comment, it really didn’t seem like you gave a fuck.
March 21st, 2006 17:03
Interesting… are we not talking about Barry Bonds now? Okay…
Masturbation…
Okay, okay - um… with regard to chickie and her issue - here’s my .08. It’s not that you masturbated in front of him, it’s that you didn’t include him. No eye contact, no saying his name, no grabbing onto him while you were in the deepest throes of ecstacy, no talking to him while you’re doing it… Yeah, that was your mistake. See, you can do YOU, that’s not an issue - but the trick is to do YOU while making him think he’s a part of it. When you exclude him altogether, and he’s right there… well damn I mean how would YOU feel? I know I would feel a little f*cked up if the husband just put me on pause and went Hand Solo on me. ROFLMAO Hand Solo that was funny. Anyhoo… yeah I wouldn’t appreciate it… so I wouldn’t do it to him. And I would suggest that if you EVER want quality loving from this dude again, that you refrain from damaging his ego. Men do their BEST work when they BELIEVE in their ability to get you where you need to be… so it would behoove you to keep his ego, as well as the rest of him properly stroked.
The End.
March 21st, 2006 17:45
I would say it’s more than some dude you are messing with. Booty calls don’t get to have their egos stroked, do they?
Maintenance man is a notch higher, so there effort needed to keep the MM plan continuing and that would mean you were dead ass in the water wrong because you are jeapordizing the O’s that he brings, if he serves them up that is, if he doesn’t, then you treat him like a booty call, in which case, see first part of my comment.
I am trying to figure out how Kirk Franklin’s song gets conjured up at that particular moment… I think I need to listen to that CD again.
March 21st, 2006 22:04
There’s nothin’ wrong with finishin’ yourself off but I agree with X about including him in it. That’s actually a big turn on for me.
March 21st, 2006 22:07
Wow! This shit is a trip! Panama thanks for offering your opinion, I received it just like I wanted it, straight and to the point. And thanks to everyone else for offering opinions to the bad bitch. Look I was not trying to hurt him or emasculate him at all. I have a very wicked sense of humor and a lot of times it’s misunderstood and gets me into trouble.
Elle it wasn’t that I didn’t give a fuck, no pun intended. It’s just that if we’re going to have sex you have to bring it. I’m a fiend and know exactly how I want it and like it. He was taking TOO LONG to get me there. My hands never disappoint. I’m used to dudes who know how to make me speak Japanese. You see the last guy I was with, could mess up my panties just by looking at me. And, when we would get together it would turn into a barn fire. Sex without an orgasm is unacceptable. The deacon is fine now, he’s hooked which is inevitable. He’s seen the promised land a lot since then. Thanks Panama I’m naughty and playful by nature, so that’s why I sung the Kirk Franklin song. Well I’ll end episodes in the life of a vixen for now.
A sexy bad ass US citizen
March 21st, 2006 22:14
@ Brown: Next time include him in the festivities. He doesn’t even have to touch you. A little eye contact with him while “knowing thyself” should do the trick.
@ Panama: Between you and Leon, I don’t know what to think. Y’all both have soft core porn all up in your comment sections. Is this a DC/Maryland thing?
March 22nd, 2006 08:31
Morning…..I say WHO FRIGGIN CARES……..The world should be more concerned with finding Osama and getting more help for the Katrina victims, and lowering the gas prices, than Barry Bonds..I dont see what the big deal is anyway.
March 22nd, 2006 09:16
@Beloved: This is the firs time (that I can remember) where the soft core porn has entered my lil corner office overlooking the world at my feet. Normally, I just get the gully muhfuckas.
March 22nd, 2006 10:47
Beloved, I’mma need my royalty check for your late-ass response please.
Thank you.
*signing back of check, cashing it at teller window and depositing cash in account*