State of The Stoned Soul Picnic
*cheers as President Jackson enters the room*
*cueing up “I Think They Like Me” by Dem Franchize Boyz”
—President Jackson settles in at the podium and quiets the crowd with a fist in the air—
Ladies and gentlemen, members of my Cabinet, members of Bad Boy Entertainment, G-Unit, and Black Wall Street…welcome to the House.
I go to the House, but where do you go?
Today is the second day of our Annual Monthlong BBQ, Black History Month. It is a time where we black people, attempt to do something everyday to make sure that our mark on history is never forgotten. This morning, I attempted to get a loan at a bank for a home. I was rejected!
History is alive and well!
*unnecessary clapping that will be repeated at least 20 times during speech*
Four score and seven minutes ago, I was asleep. Now I’m awake, but let me tell you…I had a dream. It was not a dream deferred. No, I dreamed the impossible dream. In fact, dream lover come rescue me.
*clapping*
I’ll get to the state of our Stoned Soul PIcnic shortly, but first let me tell you about my dream. I had a dream that one day, black men from Southside Jamaica Queens (nigga ya heard me) and black men from Compton would one day be able to sit down at the table of Aaron McGruder, and kiss and make up, without literally doing so. In my dream, high schoolers in Prince George’s County, Maryland, the most affluent majority-minority county in America, were not shooting up school buses after being kicked off the bus for fighting.
In my dream, Ma$e was not going to Hell and Al Sharpton not only lost the perm, but got a haircut. You see, in my dream, remember, it was the impossible dream, Jesse Jackson…
…GOT A JOB!!!!
*lady faints in third aisle*
I had a dream ladies and gentlemen, that one day, as a nation, black people would not only not embarass the white people we so foolishly seek acceptance from, but we’d also stop embarassing ourselves by doing stupid things like getting tattos of grown men on our wrists or hands. Living grown men. A tatter of MLK is okay, but Tupac is not. In my dream, the murderers of Tupac and Biggie were found.
My people, we can talk about my dreams all day long. Let us talk about reality and the State of The Stoned Soul Picnic.
Today, on this February 2, 2006, we have got some problems. But we’ve also got some positive things happening in our community. Let us start with the problems and inspirationally move to the mountaintop.
Yes, because I heard it from the mountaintop, that we have issues. As I look out over the vast diversity that is you, me, him, and her, I realize that we are a people in search of Bobby Fischer. What does that mean? It means that we don’t know what the hell we are doing. We are amidst of a time of great talent and great means for many of our sons and daughters of the slaves of the Daughters of the American Revolution, yet, like DeNiro told the future real life murderer, Collagero, there is nothing worse than wasted talent.
*clapping*
A great scribe and wise man once said, “im writin’ to show you what we’re fightin’ for”.
Well, after he said that, he never did tell us what we are fighting for. And do you know why he didn’t? Because he has no idea what we’re fighting for. And that’s where we rest today, in the Stoned Soul Picnic, there are many people at the table, but nobody knows what to ask for…or how to even ask for it. The racism and bigotry of the past still exists, except now its in the form of vague, ambiguous policies and subtle digs. And without the overt nature of the beast, it has left many of us shooting into a Hoover-esque vacuum. And that sucks.
*clapping*
We look for a cause, but we’re not sure where to start. We start with the obvious, that white people are holding us down. And I’m telling you today people…
…that’s not fair. It’s not fair because we are helping them do it. We are fighting amongst ourselves and making it possible for eachother to remain in positions we don’t want to be in. The suburban county of Prince George’s, Maryland, once again the most affluent majority-minority county in America, had upwards of 170 murders last year. That is more murders than some major cities. In fact, the adjacent District of Columbia, long known as a murder capital, had only slighly more, despite having about 300,000 less people. Even in our bastions of hope and change, they shootin’…
…I made you look.
But do you see? How can we rise up if we keep shooting eachother down? And I don’t care how we got to these circumstances. I’m well aware that the legacy of slavery and the psychological ramifications are far-reaching, causing many of the very problems that exist.
However, if a nigga robs me, I don’t care how slavery impacted his mindframe causing him to place a gun at my temple…THAT nigga robbed me.
Fuck him.
*clapping*
I’m sorry for having to get so vulgar, but I just had to say it.
And can somebody, for the life of me, get Al Sharpton a hobby? Why does he keep showing up at the most random of times, getting involved in the most asinine of occasions. He even got involved in the whole 50 Cent versus The Game beef. And by hobby, I do not mean a talk show in a barbershop. I mean a hobby that furthers the progress of the people he’s claiming to love. How can you work in my best interest if your hair isn’t even in your best interest?
On this day, BET still exists in the form that has brought it much disdain from nearly everybody who watches it. Honestly, if I meet anybody who feels that BET is doing a service to the black community, I will assume they are CIA operatives in charge of bringing back COINTELPRO. And that’s assuming it ever stopped.
On this day, Donovan McNabb, a man who has been pretty much able to remain clean in the entire T.O. BS-fest, decided that he’d correct the wrong dots in an interview and claim that Terrell Owens said that Brett Favre would lead the hapless Eagles to a perfect season because he was a white quarterback. I don’t even think Donovan saw the interview. T.O. was asked a question, and he answered it. Was it dumb? Yes. However, Donovan McNabb DECIDED to make that “black-on-black” crime DESPITE that the question was not only brought to him, by Michael Irvin, a black man, but that it had NOTHING to do with race in the first place.
*GET YO’ HAND OUT OF MY POCKET*
Umm, if anybody tries to shoot me in the next few minutes, I just thought I’d let you know, this AIN’T the Audobon Ballroom, nigga. This here D.C. You will die.
Moving on, to more political topics. In what can only be deemed the worst shit that could possibly happen to any progressive forward thinking person, new Supreme Court Justice Samuel Aliton was confirmed. People have often felt that President Bush was doing damage, but that it woudl be over at the end of his term. No, this man has made sure that we will feel the wrath of his mind for decades to come. Apparently, given his past opinions, social, and political leanings, women will no longer have any say so over their bodies, and Princeton might just be able to get back to the glory days of old when minorities weren’t a problem.
God bless America!
On the bright side, Jesse Jackson hasn’t been making any noise for a while.
People think black culture is on the decline. I disagree, American culture is on the decline. We are a subset that reflects the whole. Hip-hop reflects the same thing. Hip-hop will get better when we get better. And I stole that from Mos Def, kind of sort of.
And most importantly, Jim Jones is out there running the streets ruining black culture.
As long as Jim Jones is allowed to run amuck and speak, black people cannot rise.
However, all is not lost. The Boondocks, and more importantly, Aaron McGruder has managed to continuously push the envelope, sometimes good and sometimes bad, yet always with the best of intentions. In a place where speech is often stifled for being different than what the mainstream wants, he has kept on talking. Let’s just keep him off of Memphis balconies.
We are still defining cultural trends for the world…and the jury is out on whether this is a good or a bad thing. Three 6 Mafia was nominated for an Oscar for their work on the Hustle & Flow movie, specifically their song “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp”. Terrance Howard was nominated as well, as as rapping pimp. Strange yes, but well take it where we can get it.
*chants of “Stay Hiiiiiii-iiiii-iiiii-iiiiigh” can be heard throughout*
See, that’s what I’m talking about right there!
Kanye West looks to bring even more G.O.O.D. music in the future, and despite his ultimate effeminate demeanor, so does The Game. And yes, I love LA.
*clapping*
Though things look bleak for black people, I believe that one day, we will figure out how to make good on those hopes and dreams that a relevant NAACP, SCLC, and King Family had in the ’60’s. The loss of Corretta Scott-King was a blow to us all, but we can now be assured that she is reunited with a man who was taken too soon. A man of great integrity…a Morehouse Man.
*clapping wildly and standing ovation for Morehouse Men everywhere*
My people, I can only hope that we can get up, so that we don’t have to stay down. And I know we can do it. We are moving towards that deluxe apartment in the sky. We just need the keys. And I’m not talking about Alicia. We have more black middle class-ers than ever and hopefully we can continue the trend. As long as we don’t forget that we need to make sure that others can do the same.
Ladies and gentlemen, we shall overcome…but that is outdated…so I’ll leave you with this gem from a Yonkers school boy…
We Gonna Make It…and if anybody gives you any guff…well then…
…we’ll kick in the door wavin’ the .44, all you heard was Poppa don’t hit me no more.
Yes, Biggie…that is all we heard.
Goodnight and Godspeed.
*clapping and gladhanding as President Jackson drops the mic, throws hands in the air, waves them like he just doesn’t care and exits, stage left*
February 2nd, 2006 11:47
**applause**
You know despite your randomnastic rants, this was quite a good read. I think a lot of our issues really DOES need to be addressed before we complain about how we are being held back by other races. In fact, I get more indignant when I see someone of my own race does something to hurt our community because our ass should KNOW better. I have said it before, but if I was older and had my ass whooped for civil rights, I would be cussing us out today. I’m sayin…I went through ALL of that for what? I hope Mrs. King felt a semblence of accomplishment because her being married to the Man and the Cause did change our world significantly.
OH and umm
you are such a hater…leave Alicia Keys alone.
February 2nd, 2006 11:49
ok my grammar is jacked up today, eh..I don’t care today, I am off Starbucks now so just excuse it!
February 2nd, 2006 12:21
Well… this was quite the production. Wow. Umm… I’m glad to see my tax dollars hard at work, at ummm… *looking at time of post* 9:32 am??? Yes, yes…
Okay, well first of all, might I say that I’m a bit dismayed that there was mention of blacks “rising” and there was THEN NO MENTION of ME. you know I am NEVER one to take the shirking of citation likely… shoot, I’ve been known to ask for citations for shyt I just THOUGHT and didn’t even get a chance to say yet. Hmmph. And in case you are unawares… here’s how it’s done (X, 2004 and beyond) thank you.
Yes, and I’m a tad befuddled by the mention of the Hoover-esque vacuum… and that sucks… *sigh* gotta love the play on words there… subtle.
Then you mention Cointelpro, which we are avidly discussing now through IM… thank you for the enlightenment… I thought it was earlier… but now I know… and knowing is half the battle (GI Joe, 19-whatever) see how you do that?
Umm… yeah…this post is a veritable hodge-podge of worthless information and outlandish factoids… entertaining… yes… but kinda scary that your brain actually works this way… please stop taking your medication with alcohol…
February 2nd, 2006 13:04
Okay, you had me, you lost me, then you had me again. If indeed you were rejected at the bank for a home loan, let me give you some unsolicited advice. I am married to a foreigner who has almost no credit history to speak of (and fairly dark skin and a name that reeks of Mexico, even though he’s from Europe), and I have the worst credit history known to mankind and am unemployed.
Stay away from the bank…pass go and head straight to eloan.com and lendingtree.com. Two months after first logging onto these sites we are the proud owners of 3000 square feet of brand new, beautiful condo with zero downpayment and a 6.5% interest rate. And we have $600 in the bank. Until the end of the month. But the mortgage is paid and the fridge is stocked. So that’s just fine.
February 2nd, 2006 14:01
All the BS can be stopped if we start thinking before acting. As for the thing in PG County, it matters not how much money you have. It’s all about the mindset. There’s no way I’d have shot at a school bus, or even fought on one. Why? Because my people would have ‘whupped’ my ass. Simple as that.
I got the key to how we can rise. Very simple!
Four word to action…
What would Oprah do?
February 2nd, 2006 14:04
You know, despite my un-love for Oprah, I was really considering throwing her in there as the key to solving all of our problems. Just let Oprah run the black community for a while. Hell, even ESPN feels that Oprah could solve all sports related issues.
Oprah’s reach is far.
February 2nd, 2006 14:09
“I’m a bit dismayed that there was mention of blacks “rising” and there was THEN NO MENTION of ME.”
Dude….you had to know that was coming.
February 2nd, 2006 14:52
@Elle: You know…I should have known since the other day I told her I was reading the Bible, and more specifically about Jesus “rising” after 3 days and she said, without missing a beat, “you know I was the inspiration for that right?”
February 2nd, 2006 15:13
I can’t believe you don’t luh-Oprah. You, kind sir, are dead to me.
Viva la O!!!
February 2nd, 2006 16:02
*squinting eyes* I hate you both.
That is all…
February 2nd, 2006 18:39
OPRAH FOR PRESIDENT ‘08!!
February 3rd, 2006 11:15
(Jadakiss’ “We Gon Make It” playing in the background, ahem, you liked that RAP reference, right? LOL)
GREAT post, Panama. So long though, that I actually had to TAKE NOTES to comment, (cuz I think I’m just as opinionated as you are (Gasp!) lol). Without further ado…
–On Sharpton, AMEN (pun intended), this RACE-BAITER needs a damn job. Nuff said.
–On the whole McNabb/T.O./Irvin/Favre fiasco, this is a hot-button issue for me cuz I HATE to see people come down on the wrong person. IMHO, even though the CRACK ADDICT Michael Irvin maybe didn’t mean it to be a race issue, it most definitely is. You have to take into account D.Mcnabb’s history to see why. He’s coming off the heels of RACIST Rush Limbaugh throwing him under the bus, an IDIOT Philly NAACP dude throwing him under the bus, and years of Black men having to prove to “others” that they were actually smart enough to play quarterback. Why in the world BUFFOONS like Irvin and T.O. didn’t think about this BEFORE openinging their traps is beyond me. Digress…
–On BET, you’re so right.
–I’ve yet to see a “Boondocks” episode, but I used to collect his comic strips and if the show is at all reflective of the strip, A. McGruder is that hot ish!
–The JOKE that is the NAACP should be disbanded and RENAMED to EXCLUDE the “colored” cuz this is NOT 1900…geez…
–On the late great Coretta and her beau, check out Mike Luckovich’s drawing on Mon (I think) on ajc.com. It’s SO right-on.
P.S. Should be no surprise how I feel about the “talented” rappers, The Game (what the hell kind of name is that by the way?) and 50 “book publisher” (what’s the world coming to?) Cents…DOWN WITH THEM BOTH AND ALL OF THEIR “make Black folks look foolish” ILK!
P.P.S I’d vote for you for Prez too…if you got rid of that warped “hip-hop” mentality…just kidding…(wink)
Whew, I’m tired of writing…but I guess the length matched your post…lol
Have a good weekend.
T
February 3rd, 2006 11:27
@T: See, I’d agree with you on the TO thing if the actual convo was originally even about Donovan McNabb. But Michael Irvin was asking TO about Brett Favre. Whether or not he was washed up b/c of the piss poor season he was having. TO said that Favre would be doing better with better talent around him.
Irvin then asked TO if he thought the Eagles would be undefeated if Favre was there…which was more about the talent level of the Eagles. Now, was it a diss to Donovan? Yes…clearly. TO doesnt’ care for him…however, I do not think it had anything to do with race since they were talking about Favre being washed up anyway.
I understand Donovan is hurt and all the criticism levied at him is unfair. Granted. However, TO’s comments had shit to do with race at that time. You think TO would rather he had a white quarterback? Doubt it. He wants to win. He’ll throw you under the bus no matter who you are since he played with a white quarter back in Frisco. And he threw him under the bus too.
THe NAACP dude is clearly an idiot, and Rush Limbaugh is as well. Those are well documented idiots. TO, who is sensitive but no idiot, hasn’t said shit about race, and I thought Donovan’s “black-on-black” crime comment was not only ill-conceived but totally off base when it came to TO.
Of course, TO being TO, he could come out today and say something that totally makes this whole thing moot…but until he does that, I don’t care how hurt McNabb is, he got his shit wrong on that one. I’m quick to call out something that I feel has racist undertones, but I think Donovan CHOSE to take it that way in this circumstance. Maybe due to all the other stuff…but he still had to chose to take it that way.
This is one of those cases where he looked back at all the shit that has happened and made some connections that might not be there. When that shit with Favre happened in November, nobody played the race card then. Now that the NAACP idiot said something, its part of the race conspiracy? Shit, TO would play with Michael Vick…he probably respects him more.
And thanks for the vote of confidence for president. I’ll try to not get shot while running for the position.
February 3rd, 2006 11:49
Panama…President?? Uuuummm…my vote’s still with Oprah. Panama, you do give a great speech though. You’ll make a good secretary of defense against the ills against the black community and WITHIN our community.
Hip Hop Horay!!
February 3rd, 2006 11:55
Can you really imagine what would happen if Oprah was to run for president??
My people…the world would truly change overnight.
I can just be her VP and go hide in some caves and shit, and pose on women’s magazine covers. Umm…no brokeback…not that there’s anything wrong with that. (A.N.D.Y., 2006)
February 3rd, 2006 12:22
Great post Panama, very thought provoking.
My sisters are out in MD, almost across the street from DC and i worry about them often. I didnt know it was that bad. The kids out here in BK dont even do that.
and i dont think Oprah being president is a good idea. She somewhat scares me. However, good people please watch her today, Dave Chappelle will be on.
February 3rd, 2006 19:50
I have been a fan for quite some time. Just thought you should know.
February 3rd, 2006 20:07
Thanks any1man…I really appreciate that shoutout.
February 6th, 2006 14:25
*stares in disbelief at “ultimate effeminate demeanor” and shakes head*
See baby that’s what I’m talking about. Why would you study him that hard daddy? Just keep it real because the love for this site won’t go anywhere. And if I’m wrong, which I hope I am, I have some furry handcuffs that can be used on me while my ass is spanked. Smile and enjoy your day!
A concerned US citizen
February 6th, 2006 16:10
@ Brown -ummm.. I like coming here, you making me irritated. That shit is getting old, I’m just saying.