(You can’t see it, but one of Prodigy’s tattoes says, “50 Cent Was Here”)

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I stole into my older sister’s room while she wasn’t home and helped myself to a few of the tapes that were sitting on her dresser. I took them upstairs to record them like I always did.

I popped one tape in.

It changed my life.

(Well not really, but when writing like this, it is often important to exhibit life-altering moments for dramatic effect I suppose.)

The brashness, the audacity, and gotdamn…the beats. I had never heard anything like it. Every beat was good and welcomed me into a world I knew nothing about but left me yearning for more.

(See? More dramatic totally flufftastic ass bullshit. However, by writing like this, it makes me seem like one of those folks who attempst to connect with his audience through vivid imagery. Please…follow along.)

It was NWA’s EFIL4ZAGGIN. That was in 1991. Fifteen years later, it is still one of my two favorite rap albums, along with De La Soul’s de la soul is dead.

Up to that point, I had been listening to rap sporadically, but I was 12, lived in Germany, and didn’t have cable. My rap was limited to videos our families would mail us from the US of VideoSoul and Rap City. That means I didn’t know shit.

[***Sidenote: In Germany, there was one English language channel that wasn't on cable, AFN. The Armed Forces Network. If it didn't come on AFN, more than likely, we weren't watching it. And that goes for most military brats overseas. You watched the shows the military wanted you to see, down to the cartoons. The one good thing was that there were no commercials. Needless to say, we depended on our family and friends to make sure we even knew what year it was in the states. ***]

My first real introduction to rap was through NWA and it helped to shape my preferences early. I was never that into New York rap. I liked certain folks like Nas and Jay, but I’d take some of that West Coast, DJ Quik/NWA/Dr. Dre/Ice Cube over most of it anyday. It was more laid back, kill you quick so I can party, type shit. I appreciated the “get to the point” storytelling. Plus, I didn’t care so much about lyrical content (though Cube was really spitting some shit back then…now, he sounds like a brillo pad), it was more about the beats to me. It still is today. That doesn’t mean I’ll listen to any craptastic rapper over a hot beat. Not at all. What it does mean is that if the beat doesn’t catch me, I won’t listen at all.

Now, there was a point where I started to get more into the New York foundation rap shit. When I moved back to the states, the South was coming into its own via Outkast, which was good, I was in the South. But New York was at its high point. I started getting involved, from Pete Rock and CL Smooth [my favorite rap song ever is "They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)"] to Nas to Mobb Deep to OC to LL Cool J, etc. I was never a big Mobb Deep fan at first, but that was before I fully listened to The Infamous.

My goodness gracious that album bangs. One of my favorite beats ever is “Trife Life”. That shit is so gangsta its crazy. And who can deny the gangsta of “Shook Ones Pt. II” or “Survival of The Fittest”. It’s a classic album. Hell, so is Hell On Earth. Mobb Deep made me fans for real. And I appreciate them for that.

Which is why it pains me so to witness the gay ass antics they are exhibiting lately.

Good fuckin’ Satan.

It’s bad enough that I have to hear about them signing to G-Unit, ESPECIALLY after 50 Cent clearly clowned them on his diss track “Piggy Bank”. When speaking to Jadakiss, he says, “…i’ll clown your little ass like Jay did Mobb Deep…”

Apparently, that little shot wasn’t enough to stop them from doing business. That’s fine. But Prodigy has really been making it difficult to remain a fan. I almost think he has a mancrush on 50. During interviews he never fails to mention that he will do whatever 50 says he can do. Yeah, they’re gonna keep creating the murda music we love them for, but they won’t do anything that 50 has a problem with. And for the record, most of the dicksuckery comes from Prodigy. Havoc hasn’t been as bad.

Well, it would seem that 50 has decided to return the manlove to Mobb Deep. In what had to be the hardest article to write without mentioning the homoerotic undertones, MTV scribes inform us that:

Mobb Deep, 50 Cent Get Tattoes To Prove Their Loyalties

“The Mobb Deep and G-Unit alliance seems to go deeper than just business ��� a true kinship and pledge of loyalty have been forged. Prodigy has the words “G-Unit” tattooed on his right hand and 50 has “Mobb Deep” tatted on his wrist. Fif also gave both Mobb members new Porsches when the ink dried on their contracts. The two sides knew right off the bat that things would work.”

How much do you want to bet that Havoc had to talk Prodigy out of getting 50 tattooed on his right hand???

I can ALMOST understand getting a G-Unit tattoo except that it’s so permanent. And we all know that 50 can drop a nigga in a heartbeat. And I’m sure that Lloyd Banks and Yayo have G-Unit tattoes, but they’ve been down since day one. It just seems risky knowing 50’s track record of wilingness to air out anybody who doesn’t have his back 135 percent. Though I guess Prodigy’s blatant willingness to bend over backwards for his newfound friend (pun intended) does indicate that he’s there for the long haul.

However, 50 Cent getting Mobb Deep tattered on his wrist? Well that’s just gay. I guess the t-shirts weren’t enough…he just had to have the M-O-B-B on his body too. If that isn’t manlove, I don’t know what is.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I wonder how many of their diehard fans are going to be able to look past the uber-dicksuckery Prodigy has been exhibiting and objectively remain fans. I can’t look past it at all. I damn near hate them now. You don’t see M.O.P. running around acting little bitches. They have their dignity thank goodness. But the Mobb? Shit, what does Big Noyd think about all of this? Hell, what does Queensbridge think??

I’ll always be able to fall back on The Infamous or Hell On Earth or Murda Muzik, and I let that uber-cornball ass 112 collabo ride…

…but this overly zealous 50-riding is really testing my ability to take them seriously. There is a whole new level of cockiness they are exhibiting. It’s almost like they feel 50 has made them valid.

I hope they prove me wrong because I’m a fan, but somehow…I’m afraid. Or better yet…

…they got me shook.

(Dude…was that not THE corniest ending line like fuckin’ EVER???)