I’m getting my Jay-Z on today and jacking the worldwide leader in sports columnist DJ Gallo (who ironically jacked that idea from some other ESPN columnist…or maybe a Sports Illustrated columnist…not that there’s anything wrong with that).

Every Friday he writes a column where he lays out 10 things that crossed his mind, sports related (I won’t be sports related), while doing some inane task like sharpening a pencil or staring at Jessica Simpson’s potentially airbrushed derriere. And you know what? Her boots are made for walking.

God bless America.

Also, have you noticed how long my entry titles are getting lately?

I’m sexxy. Anyway, let’s get to the list of things I think I thought while driving down Michigan Avenue (NE for those of you in DC who will wonder which part of Michigan Avenue I was on).

1. I think Lionel Richie was a pimp of magnanimous proportions. I have no actual proof of this, but due to the anti-modern day rap commenter T.’s assertion that that Lionel Richie and ‘nem made much more quality music, I decided to break out a Commodores CD. At the beginning of “Just To Be Close To You”, a young Lionel is talking to some woman for a good minute and a half before they actually start singing, and I’ll be damned if he didn’t sound like he had his rap down tight. I’m not saying he was a good pimp, but he definitely had the makings. Also, he (with he being Lionel) can’t sing. Thank you.

2. If he was still alive, B.I.G.G.I.E. AKA B.I.G. (get it?) would absolutely go down as the greatest rapper of all time, supplanting, if not removing altogether, any claims that Jay Z has made to the throne. I’m a Jay-Z fan, hands down. In fact, I’m such a Jay fan I don’t even like Nas’ “Ether” that much. However, I think Biggie was better. I was listening to songs like “Unbelievable” and “Kick In The Door” (a song which would never have happened if Puffy had his way) and I’m just amazed at what he pulled off. Biggie was the man.

[***DISCLAIMER: For the folks out there who can't read, I didn't say that Biggie was the greatest of all time. I said he WOULD have been. Two albums is not enough to give him the crown...and I know it isn't his fault. If you ask me, I'll say Jay. However, I can call Master P the ungreatest of all time. Thank you. ***]

3. I was reading Allhiphop.com last week and Benzino was interviewed about he and Dave Mays recent removal from The Source Magazine (though apparently they are still the majority owners, I have no idea how that happens…I count for a living) and I realized that Benzino gives the worst interviews ever. He absolutely answers no questions nor does he say anything really worth listening too. He also seems quite delusional in his rap skills and in the belief that anybody is actually a fan of his. I think Benzino might be the one black rapper in America without even a white fan.

4. Apparently I’ve been lying to myself for many years. You see, I’m a mixed kid, and one without many issues. However, that is because I’ve been living the life as a “black” dude. I’ve been doing a disservice to mixed people nationwide (maybe even worldwide) by “chosing” to be black. This fact was illuminated to me when I stumbled upon the mixed kid support/media site, Mixed Media Watch. This is a fascinating site developed by two mixed women (I think…that it’s developed by two women, I know they’re mixed), who make it their purpose to discuss issues relating to mixed race people, and race in general in sometimes quit interesting and thought provoking ways. I guffaw at much of it, but maybe, by not running around espousing my pride at being mixed, I’m denying myself to…myself. I will be writing more about this at a later time because I have A LOT to say.

By the way, I really don’t think I’m denying who I am…at all. That was sarcasm and that site makes me feel better for being who I am.

5. Best Buy is poison. That at the CD Depot on Baltimore Avenue in College Park, Maryland. It is literally impossible for me to go into either of those stores with ONE thing in mind to purchase and not walk out 100 dollars lighter. In fact, I actually have to bar myself from going to these stores. You ever put a moratorium on yourself to not go somewhere? For instance, yesterday I went to Best Buy to buy some blank CD’s. I even walked straight to the blank CD section. I left with a Playstation 2 game, a Lynyrd Skynyrd CD and a Simply Red CD that I didn’t have. And I won’t even tell you what happens when I go to Quizno’s.

6. Al Sharpton is a black man without a purpose in life. I seriously believe that. Despite being on a talk show on TVOne gearted towards speaking on issues in a barbershop while NEVER getting one himself, he also manages to find time to just rail on shit for the sake of it. So goes his recent issues with everybody’s favorite piss’emoffer, Aaron McGruder, who caught flak from Sharpton (and I suppose the Black Crusaders who got Chappelle’s Show taken off the air…how many of you actually believed that Chappelle’s Show Theory shit?) about his MLK episode of The Boondocks. I swear, black people need to wake up. You say ANYTHING that even seems like it might cast a deified black person in a negative light (even if it isn’t negative AT ALL)(or even if you say anything negative about black people in a national forum), and somebody will jump on your back. I’ll listen to him when he gets rid of the perm. And find’s a job.

When’s the last time you saw two parenthetical statements back to back? Really…

7. I’d also like to add to that last statement that I often find it funny that in the black community, it is damn near offlimiits to say anything negative about black people when white people might hear it. And that is utter bullshit. I understand about not airing your dirty laundry, but it isn’t like it gets washed by black people during NAACP meetings, or Congressional Black Caucus conferences. I’ve been to both and there was no agenda to fix our problems. I guess somebody needs to put muhfucka’s on blast to get ANYBODY to even speak on the fact that some things in the black community are fucked and we have to fix it ourselves. We also need MacGuyver. And some duct tape.

8. D4L (the Laffy Taffy niggas) have a new video on MTV Jams, and it is downright the WORST fuckin’ song in history. The beat is rifuckin’diculously bad and sounds like somebody was randomly hitting nots on a keyboard and said, that’s hot. It barely even has a beat. It has now moved into first place, nudging Bone Thugs-N-Harmony featuring Phil Collin’s craptasticfestivus “Home” as the worst rap song ever created. And yes, this includes everything from Mase’s Double Up and Welcome Back albums. Where is Bush when you REALLY need him? He’s over there taking out Iraq and we have D4L here. Something is amiss in Washington.

9. Ice Cube used to be the scariest black man in America. NWA made music where they murdered millions, but Cube was speaking political stuff and for some reason, you believed he could move the masses into some sort of revolutionary thinking. However, he has a new album coming out with a lead single called “Child Support”. *sigh* It’s so horrible I can’t even think of any other adjectives to describe it. The beat is horrendously uberfucktastic and Cube rapping sounds like dogs fucking. Why won’t he just stop?

Umm…I love Los Angeles.

10. I know how folks from Brooklyn feel outside of New York when somebody yells “Is Brooklyn in the house?”. I was in a club in New York this weekend, and the DJ played a string of southern songs and I lost my mind. But when he played Big Boi’s “I Be On It (Kryptonite)”, it was a rap. There wasn’t a single person in that club who didn’t know what I was holding down. Folks actually stopped to look at me.

And I loved it.

You can find me in the A…A…A…A…

By the way, I’m a 26 year old educated black man. Thank you.

RIP Coretta Scott-King.

(You can’t see it, but one of Prodigy’s tattoes says, “50 Cent Was Here”)

I remember it like it was yesterday.

I stole into my older sister’s room while she wasn’t home and helped myself to a few of the tapes that were sitting on her dresser. I took them upstairs to record them like I always did.

I popped one tape in.

It changed my life.

(Well not really, but when writing like this, it is often important to exhibit life-altering moments for dramatic effect I suppose.)

The brashness, the audacity, and gotdamn…the beats. I had never heard anything like it. Every beat was good and welcomed me into a world I knew nothing about but left me yearning for more.

(See? More dramatic totally flufftastic ass bullshit. However, by writing like this, it makes me seem like one of those folks who attempst to connect with his audience through vivid imagery. Please…follow along.)

It was NWA’s EFIL4ZAGGIN. That was in 1991. Fifteen years later, it is still one of my two favorite rap albums, along with De La Soul’s de la soul is dead.

Up to that point, I had been listening to rap sporadically, but I was 12, lived in Germany, and didn’t have cable. My rap was limited to videos our families would mail us from the US of VideoSoul and Rap City. That means I didn’t know shit.

[***Sidenote: In Germany, there was one English language channel that wasn't on cable, AFN. The Armed Forces Network. If it didn't come on AFN, more than likely, we weren't watching it. And that goes for most military brats overseas. You watched the shows the military wanted you to see, down to the cartoons. The one good thing was that there were no commercials. Needless to say, we depended on our family and friends to make sure we even knew what year it was in the states. ***]

My first real introduction to rap was through NWA and it helped to shape my preferences early. I was never that into New York rap. I liked certain folks like Nas and Jay, but I’d take some of that West Coast, DJ Quik/NWA/Dr. Dre/Ice Cube over most of it anyday. It was more laid back, kill you quick so I can party, type shit. I appreciated the “get to the point” storytelling. Plus, I didn’t care so much about lyrical content (though Cube was really spitting some shit back then…now, he sounds like a brillo pad), it was more about the beats to me. It still is today. That doesn’t mean I’ll listen to any craptastic rapper over a hot beat. Not at all. What it does mean is that if the beat doesn’t catch me, I won’t listen at all.

Now, there was a point where I started to get more into the New York foundation rap shit. When I moved back to the states, the South was coming into its own via Outkast, which was good, I was in the South. But New York was at its high point. I started getting involved, from Pete Rock and CL Smooth [my favorite rap song ever is "They Reminisce Over You (T.R.O.Y.)"] to Nas to Mobb Deep to OC to LL Cool J, etc. I was never a big Mobb Deep fan at first, but that was before I fully listened to The Infamous.

My goodness gracious that album bangs. One of my favorite beats ever is “Trife Life”. That shit is so gangsta its crazy. And who can deny the gangsta of “Shook Ones Pt. II” or “Survival of The Fittest”. It’s a classic album. Hell, so is Hell On Earth. Mobb Deep made me fans for real. And I appreciate them for that.

Which is why it pains me so to witness the gay ass antics they are exhibiting lately.

Good fuckin’ Satan.

It’s bad enough that I have to hear about them signing to G-Unit, ESPECIALLY after 50 Cent clearly clowned them on his diss track “Piggy Bank”. When speaking to Jadakiss, he says, “…i’ll clown your little ass like Jay did Mobb Deep…”

Apparently, that little shot wasn’t enough to stop them from doing business. That’s fine. But Prodigy has really been making it difficult to remain a fan. I almost think he has a mancrush on 50. During interviews he never fails to mention that he will do whatever 50 says he can do. Yeah, they’re gonna keep creating the murda music we love them for, but they won’t do anything that 50 has a problem with. And for the record, most of the dicksuckery comes from Prodigy. Havoc hasn’t been as bad.

Well, it would seem that 50 has decided to return the manlove to Mobb Deep. In what had to be the hardest article to write without mentioning the homoerotic undertones, MTV scribes inform us that:

Mobb Deep, 50 Cent Get Tattoes To Prove Their Loyalties

“The Mobb Deep and G-Unit alliance seems to go deeper than just business ��� a true kinship and pledge of loyalty have been forged. Prodigy has the words “G-Unit” tattooed on his right hand and 50 has “Mobb Deep” tatted on his wrist. Fif also gave both Mobb members new Porsches when the ink dried on their contracts. The two sides knew right off the bat that things would work.”

How much do you want to bet that Havoc had to talk Prodigy out of getting 50 tattooed on his right hand???

I can ALMOST understand getting a G-Unit tattoo except that it’s so permanent. And we all know that 50 can drop a nigga in a heartbeat. And I’m sure that Lloyd Banks and Yayo have G-Unit tattoes, but they’ve been down since day one. It just seems risky knowing 50’s track record of wilingness to air out anybody who doesn’t have his back 135 percent. Though I guess Prodigy’s blatant willingness to bend over backwards for his newfound friend (pun intended) does indicate that he’s there for the long haul.

However, 50 Cent getting Mobb Deep tattered on his wrist? Well that’s just gay. I guess the t-shirts weren’t enough…he just had to have the M-O-B-B on his body too. If that isn’t manlove, I don’t know what is.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I wonder how many of their diehard fans are going to be able to look past the uber-dicksuckery Prodigy has been exhibiting and objectively remain fans. I can’t look past it at all. I damn near hate them now. You don’t see M.O.P. running around acting little bitches. They have their dignity thank goodness. But the Mobb? Shit, what does Big Noyd think about all of this? Hell, what does Queensbridge think??

I’ll always be able to fall back on The Infamous or Hell On Earth or Murda Muzik, and I let that uber-cornball ass 112 collabo ride…

…but this overly zealous 50-riding is really testing my ability to take them seriously. There is a whole new level of cockiness they are exhibiting. It’s almost like they feel 50 has made them valid.

I hope they prove me wrong because I’m a fan, but somehow…I’m afraid. Or better yet…

…they got me shook.

(Dude…was that not THE corniest ending line like fuckin’ EVER???)

Every now and then I read very depressing news. For instance, I found out yesterday that UPN and the WB are going to merge into the CW Network sometime this year. Save for the casts of “Everybody Hates Chris” and “Girlfriends”, quite a few more black actors/actresses are going to be unemployed. And despite the shows sucking, they were still black shows on air. Sometimes the news involves world catastrophes, other times it involves civil rights or humanitarian efforts that seem to align with Langston Hughes famous poem, “A Dream Deferred.”

And then…there’s shit like this:

Study: College students lack literacy for complex tasks

*You don’t actually have to click to that link since I’ll be pulling out highlights of the article since any of you college students/graduates out there might not know how to click on the link*

“More than half of students at four-year colleges — and at least 75 percent at two-year colleges — lack the literacy to handle complex, real-life tasks such as understanding credit card offers, a study found.”

[***DISCLAIMER: What will follow will be very insensitive comments about college students/graduates (of which I'm a member...I'm also a member of the Safeway Select Grocery Store Discount Club). You've been informed and bewared. ***]

In the immortal words of Florence Evan’s signifying the point where Good Times went to total shit or more popularly known as the moment when Flo and family found out James died of a contract dispute, I mean, an accident in Mississippi (or somewhere down South)…

…damn, damn, damn.

What in the hell are people learning in college?

The worst and most disturbing part of the whole article is that it doesn’t surprise me. I can’t tell you how many actual college graduates I know who don’t seem equipped to handle the simple tasks in life. And for the college students who don’t understand that last statement, let me simplify it.

College students isn’t all smart.

[***DISCLAIMER# 2: I'm aware that many people who come here are indeed college students or college graduates. If you have trouble reading or analyzing anything on this site, it's okay, apparently you aren't alone. However, I'm a saddened by this news and I hope to never work for or near you in life. You will make me dumber. Go count something. ***]

“The literacy study funded by the Pew Charitable Trusts, the first to target the skills of graduating students, finds that students fail to lock in key skills — no matter their field of study….

Without “proficient” skills, or those needed to perform more complex tasks, students fall behind. They cannot interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school.”

Let us analyze this a little bit. I’ve often looked at credit card applications, and quite frankly it can be very confusing. Sometimes I think its intentionally confusing. However, after actually reading an application I have an understanding of the different options, penalties, etc. You see, the key component is reading.

You know what, let’s cut the smart shit, this is a gotdamn shame. Let’s get to what this really means, mmkay?

“Most students at community colleges and four-year schools showed intermediate skills. That means they can do moderately challenging tasks, such as identifying a location on a map.”

I went to college…two of them in fact, and one of the things I learned while in college is to become more analytical. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my friends where I concluded that I didn’t learn so much in college, but moreso expanded on what I already knew (in the simplest forms) and acquired an ability to understand HOW to learn. Of course, that shit goes completely out of the window when I include my calculus classes or that lovely Mechanics (Physics) class I took the summer before my Freshman year where I cranked out a big D+ AND took the entire final by flipping a quarter to determine my responses.

When I dropped my quarter between some seats, I turned my test in. The quarter said I was done.

In my defense, the laughs of my peers killed some of the nervous tension in the air. I took one for the team. Ironically, I think I might have done as well if not better than more than half the class.

But I digress.

The fact that identifying a location on a map is considered an intermediate skill is troubling enough by itself, but the notion that college graduates are mostly adept at completing such a low intuition task, and potentially not further than that speaks volumes about education in this country.

Hell, I’m amazed college graduates can even read…and we know for a fact that some can’t. I guess this makes that whole idea of a dumb jock a little less funny, doesn’t it?

Dumb asses=universal, all inclusive term.

I don’t know if this was comedically placed or not, but this little paragraph damn near slayed me:

“There was brighter news.

Overall, the average literacy of college students is significantly higher than that of adults across the nation. Study leaders said that was encouraging but not surprising, given that the spectrum of adults includes those with much less education.”

The cliche, “no shit” comes to mind.

So we have to find silver linings in the fact that college students are able to READ better than most adults in a nation that has created policies to kick up the literacy level of EVERYBODY, not just children because it would seem that people can’t seem to…read. Even R. Kelly is admittedly a functional illiterate.

Functional illiteracy is like the new “passing”. Folks get by on other people’s assumption that they can read when in truth, even college students aren’t adept at anything past reading words on a page. Dammit, I used a college word again. Let me try to rewrite that sentence…

College students see words.

“The survey examined college students nearing the end of their degree programs.

Almost 20 percent of students pursuing four-year degrees had only basic quantitative skills. For example, the students could not estimate if their car had enough gas to get to the service station. About 30 percent of two-year students had only basic math skills.”

Understandbly, math was the Achille’s heel for most people since generally, people suck ass at math. However, the fact that as many 20 percent of students may not be able to estimate if they had enough gas to get to the station is troubling, ESPECIALLY given that cars come with little lights nowadays that say, “Dumbass, go to the gas station.” I’m one of the people who will test my car to see how far I can go while the light is lit and the car is on E. However, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing…and further, doing it intentionally, knowing that my car might run out of gas on me.

Apparently, my thinking is not shared by a sizable percentage of college students. This is again…a damn shame. This didn’t say “able to calculate using the quadratic formula.” No, it says basic math skills which I can only assume means using fractions and moving a decimal a few places. For the college graduates out there, a fraction is the two numbers that have a line between them.

I’m aware that this study was done with a sample of nearly 2,000 when the population of graduating students at large probably numbers in the hundreds of thousands (I could be very optimistic in that assumption), however, there is some truth in these numbers. I’m often surprised when I come across college graduates who seem to be intuitively challenged and apparently I’m wrong for that.

I apologize.

You can’t read (or count or determine a tip for a waiter or determine a pun in a sentence or are able to analyze a sentence or point out a predicate or, well you get the picture). And it’s okay…

…apparently it’s the American way.

I’ve made many distinctions in my day, call me an elitist, feel free (it’s been done before), about people who seem to know shit versus people who are smart. And believe you me, there is a difference. This study just furthers that idea since I assume that to make it thru 4 years you have to at least know something…that does not mean however, that you are smart. It also lends validation to the common saying…

…some of the dumbest people we all know, are indeed, in college.

Revelations.

Revelations and realizations.

Revelations, realizations, and Roll Bounce.

That’s what I’ve had over the past few days. Allow me to share.

-Kobe Bryant scored 81 points on Sunday night in a game against the Toronto Raptors…and his TEAM only scored 122. What the shit was everybody doing? Giving him the ball and letting him do what he felt? Oh yeah, it’s the Lakers…yes, they were just watching him the whole night. And where in the shit was the defense? After point 60 did they just give up or was there a Toronto/Laker pact to just see how many he could score? Ray Allen goes for 42 and his team scores 152. I don’t care how great Kobe is (which he is pretty damn great) or who they are, the Laker’s as a team suck ass. We can argue about it but you’ll be wrong.

-I saw Eric Roberson perform on Friday night at the Black Cat in Washington, DC. He put on a damn good show. I have no complaints whatsoever. What did throw me for a loop was the fact that quite the diverse crowd apparently appreciates the music of Mr. Erro. There were perms next to naturals, busted next to beautiful. Salon-locks next to damn-near-rastas, and white people (of which he gave a shout out too). You know, when you go see these neo-soul shows I usually expect to see the “natural” crowd out in full force with locks, twists, and headwraps but I always forget about my permed-out-Armani Exchange-Kenneth Cole-Louis Vuitton sisters and brothers (of which I’m apart) who appreciate good incense waving music as much as the next deep thinker or pretentious fuck.

I like the statement pretentious fuck. It reeks of Michael Douglass. And speaking of Michael Douglass…

-The opening act for Eric Roberson was a local DC burgeoning artist who goes by the name of W. Ellington Felton. (Why he has no personal website is amazing to me in 2006…anywho.) Talented brother, I cannot tell a lie. Not being able to tell a lie also means that I think I do not like him…as a person…without having so much as one conversation with him. I’m also sure this is fine with him being as he has lots of fans in DC, so I wish him well anyway. This was the second time I’ve seen him and he wasn’t so bad this time, but the first time I saw him he came across as a holier-than-thou-pretentious-fuck-savior of good music. Kind of like Kanye does only without the Grammy or Grammy nominations or classic albums and fan base under his belt. To complete the murder, he even has a Kanye West diss track where he’s calling out Kanye for being a hypocrite and basically full of shit while he mocks Kanye’s dance moves from “Golddigger” and does it over the “Jesus Walks” beat. The only think I can remember from the song is that he has beef with Kanye for not thinking before he speaks and for some of his antics which are “harmful to black youth”. The interesting part is this…after the songs he says that people should still support Kanye because he’s important to pop culture and mainstream culture, but…

…he’s destroying black culture. Thoughts?

And um, I have no idea how that related to Michael Douglass.

-I wanted to hate Chris Brown. I absofuckin’lutely hate that damn “Run It!” song with the passion of 1000 Mel Gibson’s. However, after listening to “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” I decided to give him a chance and lo and behold I have to say I like the kid. His album is pretty damn good as poppy-young urban albums go. Basically, he’s the Omarion that everybody will be okay with liking. And he can dance. His album has some serious Usher-esque tones to it though…vocally and musicwise, which isn’t a bad thing…I’m just saying.

-Speaking of Usher clones, on Ghostface’s new song “Like That”, I would have sworn on a stack of Black Panther leaflets that Usher was singing the hook, but it happens to be newcomer/the poor man’s Chris Brown, Ne-Yo, singing the hook. He should be flogged for misleading people by trying to sound completely like Usher down to the breathing and everything. Not that I know anything about Usher’s breathing. No brokeback. I got my mind made up, c’mon…I’m going nowhere with that.

-You know how I get when I love a movie, I watch it over and over. Such is the case with Roll Bounce. I’ve seen it a good 20 times since I purchased a few weeks ago. I love that movie. Bow Wow’s acting roles make him likable, his real life persona is quite the contrary. For a 18 year old 4′11″ fellow, he sure is a cocky fuck (pretentious fuck), but this movie was great as far as reminding me of my childhood. It’s up there with The Wood as movies that I can watch over and over that It makes me want to go roller skating and listen to disco.

-Speaking of disco, KC and The Sunshine Band is that lick. Trust me on this one. “I’m Your Boogey Man” is my new shit. This song is so gangsta that if I ever get a chance to drop my second album I’m gonna holla at KC and ‘nem and see if I can make this my first single. Of course, to drop a second album, one must drop a first album…it’s coming. Fact is, I’m really feeling disco right about now. Umm…no brokeback.

-One last mention of Roll Bounce (the last bullet was in reference to the soundtrack in the movie), Nick Cannon gets a nod as a headliner in the movie. Yet he’s barely present and has a total of maybe 5 lines….in the entire movie. Methinks the executives thought Nick Cannon’s “presence” would sell the movie totally forgetting how many 8-14 year old girls love Bow Wow. Or maybe Nick Cannon threatened to shoot somebody’s momma in the ovary. He was funny in the movie though.

-I still love Christina Milian.

-Speaking of Christina Milian, Cool & Dre produced her entire new album (I have no idea the release date) and the first single might be a song called “Say It” featuring Young Jeezy (yes, you know him by now). It seems as if Cool & Dre are already biting their own catalog as the song has a very similar feel to “Hate It Or Love It” courtesy of The Compton Cocoon Stripper, The Game. Not that this is a bad thing, but I’m saying…already? Damn.

-Everybody knows that Cam’ron just dissed Jay-Z in a damn near 8 minute track called “You Gotta Love It”. As far as diss tracks go, it’s pretty anti-spectacular. Especially coming from Cam’ron…I might not expect lyrical wizadry, but I do expect to be entertained. Cam’ron, you disappointed me…and what the hell is wrong with a grown ass man wearing open-toed sandals anyway? I mean, I wouldn’t do it, but you wear pink…and dress like a woman on occasion. Who’s really the fruitboy here?

Murda Mase Update: This is getting kind of ho-hum, but the Pastor has released a mixtape under the G-Unit flag. I’m telling you, he deserves an award right about now. For what? For the fact that he has clearly and quit transparently laid out the blueprint for “How to get to hell once you have turned your life around and given it to the Lord to (allegedly) do the Lord’s work.” He is trying to show you how to get to hell…so that you may do the opposite. He’s willing to illuminate the fault in thinking that just because a man claims to be Jesus-y, he will not curse, claim to have hoe’s (despite being married), claim to be ready to murder, or be greedy, or hang out with Satan when possible. Essentially, he’s showing that committing the seven (plus) sins is in man’s nature.

Kudos Mr. Betha…kudos. And yes, he’s Murda Mase again. I wonder how the parishioners of S.A.N.E. Ministries feel about their backsliding pastor?

-Nyquil, the nightime-sniffling-sneezing-coughing-aching-fever-sleep better to feel better medicine, has done jack shit for me over the past few nights. I have spent the last few nights attempting to be in bed at a decent hour, only to still be awake 2 hours later from coughing. Nyquil used to be that crack for me, now it’s more like weed. Only makes me feel better in spirit, but I need something stronger. Like gin. Which is not smart to drink after taking medicine…at all.

-Nas signed a deal with Def Jam…though I saw this coming a while ago, I’m glad this did happen. It’s a good look for all parties involved, which includes Jay, Nas, Sony, Def Jam, me, Nas fans, and Johnson & Johnson. Maybe this time Jay can help him pick beats which has been his Achille’s heel and his Nas’s album. Didn’t get that huh?

Me neither, and I wrote it.

-Should Jay-Z make a comeback diss to Cam’ron? Subject of debate…do tell.

Wow, you’re still reading? Thanks…

-Congratulations to both Pittsburgh and Seattle, neither of which I predicted to be in the Super Bowl. Fuck you to Indy and Carolina. You owe me 50 bucks each bitches.

I think I’m done now.

Have you ever been in the Hallmark store and just couldn’t find the right card to express how you really felt about your bitch?

Or what about your nigga that’s on the block?

Hmm…

I love minority businesses. In fact, I think evey minority should get them a business of sorts. The same day you buy your first pair of Jordan’s, you should apply to get your first business.

What? You know us minorities love us some Jordan’s.

Now the reason I think that folks should apply, and thusly be denied or approved (and I’ll just say by me for now, I’m sexxy) for their business venture is because if that doesn’t happen, well, you get shit like this…

Official Street Cards

*whistling “The Whisper Song” whilst you go check out that website…please do, my life depends on it*

Somebody.

Shoot.

Me.

I will never understand for the life of me why us black folks think that if we want to create something geared towards urban audiences (read ourselves) it has to be so damn…ghetto. Look I’m not shitting on this company’s goals, I am however shitting on their execution. I mean, this seems like some shit white kids in Iowa that call eachother nigga would put together thinking that they were providing a necessary service. Basically, the cards read like some shit white people who have never met black people would write.

Let me also say that I’m not offended by this in the slightest, I just think it’s dumb and slightly on the ignorant side. And you know I know ignant when I see it. Hell, I’m ignorance personified.

Did I mention I thought this was also funny, like very funny? Because I do. Sad too…

Let’s learn more about the company, shall we? Yes…let us shall.

Well apparently they are from Brooklyn, NY, and probably the street since the cards are called “Official Street Cards” and felt that they needed to tap into a group “who wouldn’t buy a greeting card because of its wordplay…too corny or too mushy.” I guess street creditibility has become SO important, that niggas buying their mother’s cards that said shit like, I don’t know, “I love you”, might make you a punk out on the streets and get you shot, which ironically, would increase your street credibility. Strange times we live in aren’t they?

Want a solution? Now you got one!!!

Official Street Cards makes it possible for you to say (and apparently for the Latino’s and black Latino’s out there): “All my homies wonder why I’m so happy. I let them know that if you don’t have da love, support, and my moms rice and beans, YOU’ll never know. Happy Mother’s Day!”

Not one of the mother’s day cards even says I love you. Which I suppose is too mushy or corny…for your mother.

They also have Valentine’s Day cards, for the thug in you. Peep this, homey! Word to your mother!

“There’s no else I’d rather roll wit!”

Hell, none of these even say I love you. Apparently, we don’t have any love in the ‘hood.

But we do have in the hood is niggas in jail. And since every black person in America has at least one family member who’s either been to, going to, or currently in jail, they have the Lockdown collection.

They even have the Love collection, which is a mix of few of the other cards that appear in other sections. The highlight would be the Bobby-Whitney Special, “I know we fuss and fight, but our love thang is tight.”

Now, it wouldn’t be fair if I claimed that all of their cards were bad. And in fairness, they aren’t the worst they could have been.

Hmm…I’m lying…these cards suck ass.

However, their goods cards, such as the Christmas line aren’t SO over the hip-hop edge (well except for the wreath wrapped in a microphone, but who’s splitting hairs?). For instance, in the Father’s Day collection, I had to wonder how they were going to tackle the “absentee” father syndrome. It’s an urban card line who has proven they aren’t afraid to handle thug love and single motherhood, right? Well they have the absentee father special, “Pops, though you weren’t around most of the time, I got this card to let you know I felt your love from a distance.”

That’s positive, right?

While I have your attention, let me address something else here. In the “About The Crew” section of the site, they let us know that “OSC not only taps into the well known Ebonics slang…”

Now the educated negro in me just can’t let that slide. Ebonics is not slang. Do they tap into Ebonics? Yes, but the use of words like “doe” instead of “though” or “wit” instead of “with”, etc, isn’t exactly something to aspire to? Is it? Do they use slang as well? Yes. But Ebonics and slang are two different things. Slang is saying “joint” instead of saying ” that thing”, or “bling” instead of saying “jewelry”. Saying “dat” instead of “that” is called a speech impediment.

At 30, it’s called unemployment.

I guess the problem here is that these cards seem to be mocking the very folks they are supposed to be representing for. I’ll give credit where credit is due, the artwork is pretty good on many of the cards, but the messages inside reek of “yo, niggas on the street be talkin’ like dat yo, dey want dey cards to be like dat too yo!”

Umm…funky dope fresh?

Sometimes, keeping it “real”, just goes wrong…which means…

…don’t nan’ one of yall niggas ever not never buy me one of dem cards or you gonna be on my “do not call” list on phonebook, son.

That’s official homey.

I’ve been asked by more than a few people for my take on the Adult Swim network show, The Boondocks. I intentionally waited to write about it for two reasons:

1) I wanted to give the show enough time to establish itself so that I could make an accurate statement about how I feel about the show. Nothing is worse than people saying something is geat or un-great after two episodes, and then the total reverse happens leaving you feeling like a motherless child.

and;

2) I think Aaron McGruder is stealing my ideas. I have no definite proof of this, but I swear if I see one more episode that looks eerily similar to some shit I’ve done before, alluded to in conversation, or written about, I’m going to be upset. All I know is that if a “Starbucks Is The Man” reference gets made…well you will be reading about me in major news outlets as I will have beaten Aaron McGruder down on a busy Los Angeles street while Mexican’s stand by and sing “Peanut Butter Jelly Time” in banana suits.

So what is my take on the show you ask? Actually, you probably didn’t. However, being the self-proclaimed sexxiest man in blog business, I’ll assume that you wanted to know my opinion. Bump that, you were DYING to know my opinion.

Here it is…the moment of truth…are you ready?…can you feel it…can you feel it…can you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel iiiiiiiiiiiiit…

I’m undecided on the show.

Now see, it isn’t that I don’t think it’s a good show because I do. When the show is good, it’s great. But there are episodes that kind of leave me feeling kind of, you know, bleh. I’m okay with missing episodes. I’m not dying to see any new episodes either. I will say this though, I think Aaron McGruder is a genius at satirization of pop-culture. For instance, the “Gangstalicious” episode was one of the funnier moments on television ever and I’ll be damned if he didn’t perfectly capture everybody’s feelings.

Though I really didn’t see the thug love scene coming.

The “You Can’t Turn A Hoe Into A Housewife” episode? Fuckin’ classic. That episode had me laughing throughout. Mostly because the shows had many elements of truth involved. They were what he does best, satire. Between “A Pimp Named Slickback”, the Pimp Prayer, the characterization of the video hoe, etc, I felt McGruder nailed that entire episode. It even spawned one of my favorite lines of all time…

“Game recognize game, granddad…and you lookin’ real unfamiliar…” - Riley

[***Sidenote: Anybody else notice how Huey isn't even really the central character on the show? In the strip, Huey is the central figure and everything revolves around him a good 90% of the time. In the show, Riley's character is way more interesting, as is Granddad, or even Uncle Ruckus, who to me, is the funniest nigga on television. When he was singing about slavery in the "Gangstalicious" episode I almost lost it. THAT was the best ignorant song I've ever heard. It's just interesting how Huey doesn't seem to be the main character. Just a thought... ***]

In fact, here is an excerpt from Uncle Ruckus song while he was mopping the floor in the hospital:

“other folks talkin bout save me,
wasn’t nuthin wrong with slavery,
least we got good food back then uh huh uh huh,
white man sure could be your…oh” - Uncle Ruckus

But despite all the good episodes, we do get some less than stellar episodes. I know many people loved it, but I just didn’t like the “Nigga Moment” episode at all. It wasn’t funny to me and pretty much had no point aside from going the extra mile to show some real nigga behavior. For some reason, I just wasn’t feeling it. The episode where Huey was putting on the school play, though funny at points (especially the beginning Kwanzaa scenes) seemed to totally mail in the ending.

I’d also like to say that the rampant, gratuitous use of the word “nigga” doesn’t even bother me. Now, hearing MLK, Jr.’47 refer to black folks as “niggers” did bother me. Some heard him say “nigga”, after re-watching it, I hear him talking about “niggers”.

Which brings me to something else. I noticed that McGruder caught a lot of flack for his characterization of MLK, Jr. ‘47. Well, I think that shit was damn near right on point. And the subtle digs at his family were great. I myself have jokingly discussed how MLK ‘47 would feel if he were to come back nowadays. I’m with McGruder, he’d be called a terrorist and he’d be pissed off at the where we are. And much like I always scream, he’d also think BET was the worst shit to happen to black folks since Oprah. Which is another reason why I think McGruder is jacking my shit. Those are mostly jokes by the way…mostly.

I know many folks have been turned off to the show because of his use of the n-word, and I understand that. Admittedly, it can be a bit much at times. It seems like he almost goes out of his way to use the n-word at times…then again, a nigga like me does it all the time too. Shit sounds like something I’d say or write. I’ve also heard folks mention that the show is important…eh, I’m not sure I’d go that far. Is it edgy? Yes. Is it funny and thought-provoking? Yes. But will it change the way anybody looks at themselves? No. And I think that’s due to the fact that I believe anybody watching the Boondocks, on their own accord, is already the type of person who would engage in self-reflection or the state of Black America anyway.

So that’s my stance in a nutshell…I really don’t know how I feel about the show. Is it good? Yes…at times. Other times it just isn’t even interesting to me. I’d hate for the show to lose its time slot though, because I think the good definitely outweighs the less than good. And besides, where else am I going to get a good dosage of Riley and Uncle Ruckus. I think what McGruder is trying to do is great though in that he has managed to take something that grew a cult-following and turn it into an at least relevant show and window into one man’s opinion on race relations and Black culture. Who else has been able to do that and not go the happy-go lucky route? That part is very important. He’s damn near my hero…if it wasn’t for the eerily familiar feel I get while watching the show he’d be my idol.

You know, right after Marvin The Martian.

By the way, I think Riley is my alter-ego…in fact, I think I’m a mix of Huey and Riley…I’d just rather be Riley…he’s funnier. And besides, I’m a pseudo-gangsta anyway.

But I’m sexxy.

And quite frankly, that’s all that matters.

Question…and that’s if only I can ask this question.

Can I?

Yes you can!!!!

What exactly is “deep” niggaz fascination with Jimi Hendrix?

And what is it exactly about Jimi Hendrix that can turn a black man’s life upside down, a la Common?

I attended college. That means two things. For one, that means I’ve come into contact with quite a few black people who can actually read. It also means that I came across the “deep” or “earthtone negroes” who love all things spiritual and grass-like…

…and Jimi Hendrix.

And I’m wondering what exactly it is about Jimi that brings people an extra sense of clarity or inner-spiritualism. Granted, I’m a big fan. I love me some Jimi Hendrix. So I’m not questioning whether or not the accolades, fandom, and all around dicksuckery is warranted. He is the pre-eminent guitar playing rocker from the late ’60’s. In fact, I think the government took him out on purpose. Fuck that overdose non-sense. Between the ironically timed deaths of him, Jim Morrisson, and Janis Joplin, I think there is proof of some sort of government conspiracy. I think it was the burning of the guitar that pissed the government off in Jimi’s case.

You do not burn the white man’s instrument of choice…no matter who you are.

I realize that Jimi influenced rock music in ways that no other person has with all of his guitar tricks and techniques. Yet somehow, I don’t think that’s how the reading black folks are influenced since most of us just don’t play a guitar…period.

The reverance for Jimi Hendrix is so amazing to me considering how (as extension of the last post) so many black people do not listen to rock ‘n roll in its traditional sense. And Jimi Hendrix was rock ‘n roll. In the 1960’s and 1970’s I can see how many black folks would have loved Jimi so much being as those were times of free love and shit and rock and soul music often crossed into one another. You can listen to albums by Led Zeppelin and its as bluesy as anything B.B. King would have done. The lines were blurred.

But it’s 200X. And reading black folks who like to wear earthtones love them some damn Jimi Hendrix.

We, as a the rap community, saw what Jimi Hendrix did to the two men who dated Erykah Badu…and lived to tell about it. I mean, Erykah introduced Jimi to Dre and Common Sense, and helped to create Andre 3000 and Common The Chi-Town Knit Kufi King. Which is similar to Sofa King, but not at all.

Hmm…I wonder how many reading black men find Jimi on their own. And is there a difference if a woman introduces you to Jimi Hendrix? For instance, I discovered Jimi on my own per se. It was more of of a “I keep hearing so much about this dude, let me get me some Jimi”…that’s how I got into the Hendrix Experience. Being as it was all on my own, and I wasn’t high, maybe that’s why upon listening to “If 6 Were 9″, the walls in my room didn’t turn purple and psycadelic doves and lillies didn’t bounce to and fro.

But.

What if I had been introduced to Jimi by a woman I was in love with. Mayhaps things would have been different. Gander if you will…

While chewing on a strawberry flavored chewstick and sitting under the cherry moon, with some khaki colored cargo pants, an earthtone green tshirt with a picture of some tree branches and a black fist on it, some khari shells, and a knit kufi, my girl, who happens to be wearing an ankh necklace and a headwrap with a nose-ring and an arm length twisting arm-bangle thingamajig and a wrap-dress causing people to liken her to a sun-goddess says:

“Panama, don’t you just love the grass?”

“Yes baby, it just makes me think of a simpler time when my soul and spirit were one with the Earth. How you feeling?”

“PJ, I feel good. It’s like all is right with the world and you are my God and my sun. The light is shining on you brotha in ways that make the souls of the fallen trees shake and stir beneath us…”

“Baby…you have no idea how much that means to me. I feel like our souls are intertwined like the ivy growing on the side of a a strong foundationed building that has lasted ages beyond its hope and dreams. That’s you and me girl…we’re ivy league.”

“P…the only thing that could make this day better is a little bit of that good sticky-icky…of MotherEarth of course, and some Jimi.”

“Jimi?”

“Yes baby, you aren’t up on Jimi?? Let me expand your horizons and the depths of your consciousness…baby, are you ready to be experienced?”

“I don’t know…I’m a little scared…am I?”

*placing headphones on PJ and gently caressing his eyelids before closing them so that he may allow the good sticky-icky and Jimi to expand his horizons*

“BABY…OH MY GOD…I SEE…PURPLE HAZE??!!!!!!!!!”

“That’s it…just let the spirit move you…inhale the purple haze…and then watch the purple haze…you are now…experienced!”

What if that’s how it happened?

Would I have this deep-seeded esconsed innervision and feeling that made me not only appreciate Jimi, but believe in the essence that is Jimi?

Who knows…

…but I’m trying to understand.

Hey Joe…

“When the power of love overcomes the love of power… the world will know peace” - Jimi Hendrix

So I’m black.

(Don’t you love when I open up with that line? It’s like a precursor to some race based observation on something race-related. Like NASCAR. Thank you.)

I had the privelege of growing up in very different circumstances. For instance, during my early years, I was raised by my white mother (as my father, though around, was in another country preparing me for a new family), in a black populated area. Some might call them projects, I choose to call them very low-to-no income housing.

What transpired can only be called a social experiment in whether or not white people can truly raise black kids. While my other black peers were listening to Michael Jackson and Prince, I was listening to Michael Jackson and AC/DC. Or ZZ Top. Or Ratt. Or my personal favorite, Judas Priest.

And you couldn’t tell me nothing about Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath. I was diehard.

At 5.

At age 6, my younger sister and I, heavy metal and motorcycle boots in tow, left my mother’s care in Michigan and moved in with my father in Germany. So you can imagine the culture clash that was little Panama and his new soon-to-be sisters and mother. Have a look see.

Panama’s New Sister-To-Be: I just got that new Janet Jackson!! Controoooooooool!

Porno for Pyro’s Panama: Umm…do you have any Judas Priest? I really like Judas Priest. Or maybe some Ratt.

Panama’s NSTB: What is Judas Priest?!?!!!! Mommy, this new boy that you all brought home just curseded!

(Actually, my sister couldn’t speak English very well at that point since she was going to German school. Little known Panama fact, I taught one of my sisters how to read in English. At age 7. )

PP Panama: *two fingers in the air in Satan/Texas Longhorn salute* Rock on!!!!!

Now this was all a social experiment because my mother’s musical tastes became mine. Kind of like how Kanye said he was very feminine and gay acting in high school because he was raised with his mother. Except not even remotely similar.

With my mother’s musical tastes, I often became the kid that folks didn’t understand. Buying toy bats (of the flying variety) and trying to bite their heads off a la Ozzy will do that to you. However, over time I gained my parents appreciation for “black” music. I started getting into Alexander O’Neal, Michael Jackson (even more), Prince, and of course all the old school soul music my parents had stored up in their record collection. Talk about confusion. It got even worse in middle school. I’d go from listening to Guns ‘N Roses to the Geto Boys in about 3 seconds flat. Skid Row?? Def Leppard?

Homey, pour some sugar on me.

So where is all of this going? Well its going here. My mother’s influence on my early musical tastes have helped me TREMENDOUSLY in life. It allowed me to be way more openminded in my music than a lot of folks I knew growing up. I’d be rocking my Green Day albums while my friends in high school thought I was listening to that “white music” too much.

Dude, they had an album called Dookie. I was like 13. Who couldn’t get behind that?

And it’s amazing that at this point in my life the vast array of music I listen too. I’ll go from listening to the Blackbyrds to listening to the Doors (as I’m doing right now…I think the classic rock song “Light My Fire” might be one of my new favorite songs of all time). I have roughly 900 CD’s at this point (on last count) and you’ll find some of the strangest shit ever in that mix.

I have all of my old school music segregated since I like to consider those albums the gems of my collection. But mixed in with those are my Guns ‘N Roses Apetite for Destruction album, my Doors albums, my Rolling Stones and Beatles albums, though I seriously think the Beatles are WAY overrated.

Yeah I said it!! I’m a gangsta. And I hate Jim Jones.

I often wonder why we, as black folks, are so quick to dismiss rock music (or any other type of music not done by black folks), especially since about 90 percent of the early rock music is just blues music being sung by white boys. Granted, the music was taken and given life by the new white audiences who couldn’t care about the black originators, but alas, if it’s good it’s good. And how many people REALLY don’t listen to rock because of the racism behind it? Not very many. Most folks don’t because it’s “that white shit.” Hell, I used to hate on country music. HARD. That was until I started listening to Johnny Cash. Now I’m hooked.

I don’t know how people listen to solely rap or R&B all day long. It would truly drive me nuts. Especially with all the great jazz out there. Speaking of jazz and obscure R&B, it wasn’t until college and I met one of my boys who probably introduced me to more jazz and 70’s era soul music than you can shake an old cat at, that I even got into jazz. This dude’s knowledge and catalog is extensive but I was open to learning. Now I’m like niggas with Independence Airline tickets…on a whole nother plane.

Get it? Cuz they shut down…

*rimshot*

Aww go to hell.

Bottom line here is that I wrote that long ass post because I really just wanted to say two things:

1) I have like 900 CD’s.

2) “Light My Fire” is my new favorite song.

I’m sexxy.

Thank you.

This pointless drivel has been brought to you by the sexxiest nigga you do or don’t know. Kiss my ass.

Oh yeah, and Pat Robertson is going to Hell. A lot.

Now that 2005 is out of the way, it’s time for the world to focus on making 2006 a better year. There were numerous blemishes on 2005 that made it one for both the record books and the trash bins. From what was arguably one of the worst years in rap to the social litmus test that Hurricane Katrina was to the continued war in Iraq and the continued ineptitude that is the Bush Administration to 50 Cent, 2005 can basically be summed up in two words…

…it sucked.

To highlight what sucked about 2005 and to expand on an idea that I heard on the Russ Parr Morning show this morning, I’d like to discuss some trends/people/shit I’d like to see die out with 2005.

1) Stop Snitching T-Shirts

This has to be the worst-dumbest-most ignantest-stupidest mainstream trend to hit the streets since crack. These shirts have been discussed ad nauseum by any and everybody but I’m not sure anybody has truly been able to capture the disdain I have for the shirts and the fuckin’ idiots that wear them and live by that credo on a daily basis. Look, I understand the often chaotic and distrusting relationship we have with police in the black community, but this personal affront to law enforcement and cleaning up the streets that our dumb asses live on is just unsmart??

Sometimes I hate black people. This is up there with looting and rioting in your own neighborhood. Pretty soon your just robbing yourself. Hell, people are afraid to turn themselves in for shit now, not because of jail time, but because they don’t to be seen as snitching on themselves. I blame Jim Jones for this.

2) D4L AKA The “Laffy Taffy” Niggas

Their 15 minutes of fame just HAS to be up. I saw these dudes on Rap City one day and I was amazed at the utter stupidity of all 4 members. These niggas represent everything that white people think is wrong with black people today. These dudes came onto the set and the first thing they wanted to talk about was how they all went to jail, they were all from the projects, and they all had to “do what they had to do” to survive. Not to mention the fact that they couldn’t speak English. Is the song catchy? Yes, so is syphillis and you don’t want that do you?

I blame Jim Jones for D4L.

3) Ugggs

These boots look like fat woman ankle socks. I blame Jim Jones for this.

4) Young Jeezy Disgruntled “Snowman” T-Shirts

I don’t have any particular hate for Young Jeezy or the t-shirts, I’m just damn tired of seeing them. Period. Anybody with half a brain that knows a black person knows that the snow=cocaine. The fact that it took so long for school districts to catch on to what the hell these kids were promoting on school grounds (though I assume half of them really didn’t even care about the “snow” reference, they just liked the shirts and they were trendy) means to me that some school districts really aren’t paying attention to the kids that they are entrusted to educate.

I also blame Jim Jones for this.

6) Terrell Owens

I think I hate this ignant nigga. This man’s lunacy reaches so far that the gotdamn NAACP (well, one misguided chapter President AKA one pissed off fan with the ability to get his voice heard) got involved. He singlehandedly tanked an entire NFL organization. It’s like everybody that even comes around him becomes unbearable from his sports agent, Eddie Munster, to Alvin and The Chipmunks, who have nothing to do with him, but I’m sure he’d even make them unenjoyable.

I’ll bet he knows Jim Jones.

7) The Bush Administration

This one doesn’t exaclty fit here, but still, how much damage can one man do? Apparently a lot. It’s like Bush and his cronies don’t even give a shit about anybody. Kanye was off a little. Not only does Bush not care about black people, he doesn’t care about anybody who might even think about thinking about not agreeing with him. Spying on American’s? Fuck it…why not? Big Brother my ass, this nigga is more like a proctologist. All up in everybody’s ass just because he can. I’ll be Jim Jones is a Republican.

50 Cent

Admittedly I’m a fan, but I’d really just like him to take a year long break from our collective media outlets. No more bad but amusing movies, no more bad but amusing group albums (Get Rich or Die Tryin’ Soundtrack), no more stupid ass beef for no reason. No more G-Unit signings (I swear, I heard he was trying to sign Donnie McClurkin to his G-Unit Way North label)…just no more 50. And no more Mobb Deep. I hate you guys.

9) Gwen Stefani

Yeah I know, we all love her. But er um…I’m just tired of seeing her ass everywhere and I’m tired of her walking around with her Harajuku girls/ornaments/accessories. Them girls hung with her like they were her earrings. Wasn’t that exploitation at its finest? That same shit happened with black people in Roots, only then we called it slavery.

10) Tall Tee’s AKA Those T-Shirt Dresses Homothugs were wearing

Why on Earth was this ever a good idea? It’s a dress. Period. No wonder so many women think men are all gay, we took all of the things that made women, women. We took diamonds, we took dresses, we took men. Hell, I even saw a dude reading a Zane book the other day. I think Zane is Jim Jones.

11) Black Eyed Peas (more specifically Will.I.Am.) expecting people to respect their artistry

“My Humps” is the worst song I’ve head in years. And that’s saying a lot considering that Mase put out a whole album of the worst shit he could think of and that Bone Thugs and Harmony did a song with Phil Collins, which is clearly #2 on the worst songs in history list. Bottom line. Nobody respects you all and we laugh. White people with no taste buy your albums. And black people who hang with white people with no taste. See Condoleeza Rice. You know she got the Black Eyed Peas album. She probably knows Jim Jones too.

12) Dip Set making loud bad music

Throughout 2005, they provided more loud annoyingly bad music than any other crew. At least G-Unit brought us The Game’s album and 50’s album had its high points. There was no album out of this entire crew that came with an album worthy of listening too. To include Juelz Santana (of whom I’m actually a fan). The game was not missing your album Juelz, it was on the shelf with the rest of the shit that nobody wanted to buy. I hate Jim Jones.

13) Panama Jackson being such a hater

Fuck you.

14) BET

I’d honestly like the station to just go off the air. It serves no purpose anymore. None. There is nothing on BET that you can’t get somewhere else of better quality.

Also, though unrelated, I’d like the NAACP to drop the “colored” and update it to something more contemporary, like NADA, the National Association of Domestic Africans, that way we know who they do things for and what they do all at the same time, NADA.

15) Fake Fur Women’s Boots

Please stop with the travashamockery that is these ugly as hell boots. I don’t care if I know you and you have some. You look like a gotdamn eskimo. In Atlanta. Or DC. It’s just not a good look. Stop it.

16) Bloods (and I mean the gang, not the American Red Cross) Showing up every damn where

I blame The Game for this, but I swear the Bloods must have a recruitment drive or something. I can’t go anywhere without seeing some nigga with a red bandana hanging out of his right pocket or with red shoelaces to go with his red ensemble. Give me a fucking break. I was in Dover, Delaware…FUCKIN’ DOVER DELAWARE, and there go some nigga all flamed up and shit.

I’m calling for a moratorium on all niggas who aren’t from California being Bloods. If you aren’t from Cali, come up with some new shit. I mean, look at Chicago, they have WHOLE different gangs and shit, Vice Lords, Gangsta Disciples, Black Gangsta Disciples, etc. Just join the umbrella that was created. Either be Folk or part of the Nation. But for goodness sake, leave the Bloods and Crips to Cali where they belong.

Jim Jones is a Blood (of UBN, if I’m not mistaken) it’s all his fault too.

And last but not least…

17) Jim Jones

There’s just not enough words for the type of hater he is. So enough of him…he’s got to go too.

Oh yeah…

18) Houston rappers not named UGK or Geto Boys

For real, most of them suck. And the albums suck along with them. I like Paul Wall, but his album sucked like Mike Jones and Slim Thug and especially that damn Lil Flip. Chamillionaire will not blow. Unless he starts giving his boys head.

And…

19) People questioning that I’m the sexxiest mofo around

That’s just got to end…facts are facts.

I. Am. Panama Jackson.