“I gooooooooot a feeling/I goooooooooooot a feeling brooooooooootha/I goooooooooooot a feeling…somebody’s fuckin’ with Panama Jack/and I ain’t having no shit like that….”

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the days of old. You see, we here at Jackson G. Tickle, aha, have come to realize that there is a bitch nigga, aha, on the premises, aha.

Bitch niggas…aha…are those niggas who do what they ain’t supposed to do and make you do those things that you don’t want to do, aha, but are forced to do because you just have to do what you came to do. Aha. In fact, you do it like you’re doing it for tv…aha.

Can I get an amen??

Amen.

Before we get to the reason for this mornin’s sermon however, let me tell you a little something about myself AKA The Smooth Silky Killer Sexxy Most Muhfuckin’ Nigga You Have Come To Know And Love, Panama Jackson.

He is I, and I am him…slim with the tilted brim.

You see, I’m an arrogant fellow. Some have even called me conceited from time to time. Cocky and a little bit trigger happy at the same time. Some might even call it a bit of narcissism.

Well!

What this all means is that I like to Google myself. I do it all the time. I’d say at least once or twice a week. Now, this comes as a result of two things. Would you like to know what those two things are??

*Yes!!! Bumaya Panama! Bumaya Panama!*

For one, since I started writing for Allhiphop.com, some of my posts show up on message boards and shit. So I like to go see what folks are saying about what I have to say. Narcissist remember? And, the debator in me likes to argue with people. The second reason? Somebody’s stolen a post or two of mine before. So just to see what’s going on in the Adventures of Panama Jackson, I tend to just check and snoop around the net. Plus, I got the flyest internet stalker in the game on my squad. Usually all bases are covered.

Hmm…I saw 50 Cent’s movie this weekend, you may have heard of him. He is the bullet riddled, water owning, book publishing, MTV owning, Interscoping, rapper-come-singer that has brought his beef and steak to the forefront of pop culture. I actually enjoyed the movie. 50 isn’t the best actor in the world. Hell, he isn’t even number 2, but the movie was entertaining, I saw Joy Bryant nearly naked, and it had some seriously funny parts. Makes for a lovely viewing experience.

What does this have to do with anything, oh wise Panama? Well, 50 is known for putting his beef’s on blast for the world to see. Many people feel like if somebody is beneath you or not on your level, you should just leave it alone and let them wallow in their own self-pity and loneliness. Basically, why make somebody famous that nobody cares about? That is a very good philosophy in life. Folks who do not deserve 15 minutes of fame, shouldn’t have it if it isn’t by their own merits.

I’m with 50, fuck that. I don’t mind ridiculing the fuck out of an ignorant fucker who deserves, especially, if they’ve come fuckin’ around with the kid.

The Kid=Panama Jackson.

Me.

Speaking of 50 Cent’s movie, Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (you may have heard of it), Terrance Howard had a line in there that was funny and confusing as the fuck. It’s one of my new favorites. Allow me to share.

“Shoot first, then ask questions, because If I’m right then I’m right, but if I’m wrong, I might have been right, so I’m right because I could have been wrong.” Or some variation of that.

Depth, my people. Grand Canyon-esque depth.

I see you getting impatient and wondering just what in the hell I’m getting at…well, I’m gonna learn you.

It seems that a bitch nigga has decided that jacking not one, not two, but somewhere in the neighborhood of five or six of my posts was in his best interests. Yes, dumb niggas are running rampant, not even changing titles or removing my name from the entire posts. Yes, one dumb nigga EVEN jacked my 100 Things about myself list and called it…THE PANAMA JACKSON EDITION. What kind of dumb fuck’s dumb fuck does that? And it would be one thing if it was some kind of tribute to me…Lord knows I deserve it, however, in some posts, he’s even got new pictures to replace the ones I used, or changed conversations to include his name and remove mine.

Ladies and gentleman…THIS DUMB NIGGA EVEN TOOK MY MOST IGNANT BLACK PERSON IN AMERICA PAGEANT and used it as if it was his own creation.

And he’s stolen some of your posts too.

How do I know this??

Because I read all or you shit and I know Leon’s shit when I read it…or Brutha Code’s shit when I read it.

Which begs another question…what kind of dumb nigga steals BRUTHA CODE’S SHIT??? The most popular ignorant nigga on the net??? You’re gonna steal his shit???

Education is at an all time low in this country.

Without further ado, ladies and gentleman, I deliver you, Ignant Bitch Nigga #1: DCLandRover!!!

*claps and cheers and jeers and bitchslaps*

DC Land Rover…come on down!!!

*Price Is Right Theme Song playing loudly in the background*

Now, it’s not fair to call somebody the fuck out as stealing folks shit without proof.

You want proof?? Now you got some!!

Let’s start with how I ended up at this nigga’s shit in the first place…oh yes, you know that already, I googled myself and found that my post on Mase had ended up on somebody else’s site. No biggie…shit happens. But don’t let me find out you…oh shit, this nigga really did…get the fuck out…he JACKED it.

For instance…take a gander at a post that looks eerily similar to mine with a few stark differences.

St. Peter: The Gates Record-Times calls up Rover for possible entry into the Pearly Gates. Let’s take a look at your rec…good God, did you really use the word nigga 4.5*10^Infinity times? Is this a typo? Hell, er, I mean, hutzpah, is that even possible?? Wait…son, tell me you didn’t really say that all ugly short people must be nice or they should be fed to Rosie O’Donnell or Oprah, whichever one isn’t dieting this week…HOLY SHI…I mean Santu Santu, umm…. Oh HELL NAW…you DID NOT SAY THAT OJ IS INNOCENT!!!!

Prayin’ Rover:: No more than you guys about that whole sending Pat Robertson to do “God’s work”. Wait wait…can I take that back?? I want a do-over!

Prayin’ Rover huh? Just gonna take my steez and put your name where it fits huh. But forget to take my name out of the shit at the end of the post where I use my own name???

Just to see how possibly fucked up this cat could be, I hit up the archives…call it boredom.

And for the record, I’m not even mad, I think this nigga is funny…sloppy, but funny.

Rule#1 for Cheating: DON’T GET CAUGHT. Make sure when stealing people’s shit, it cannot be traced back to them, especially by means as easy as GOOGLE.

Dumb ass.

From the archives. Vanna, turn over the rest of the evidence please.

Apparently, whilst I and my esteemd panel of experts were polishing off our tournament, this nigga was holding his very own. And here I thought that Jackson G. Tickle (that’s my company) had an original idea, apparently, DC Land Rover Enterprises was holding its own. And for the record, I’m not making that last part up. He was holding the same tourney courtesy of DC Land Rover Enterprises. Take a gander.

Or jacking my BET Post…

Please see: Never Thought I’d See The Day from June 2004

Or jacking my Federal Government post…

Please see: You Don’t See What I See from June 2004

Or jacking personal stories from MY OWN LIFE posts…

Please see: Old Time Killin’ From June 2004

Or jacking my…well you get the point by now. I really could go on. You can just check this nigga’s archives to see the rest.

Or old posts of Brutha Codes about the Saditty Code…

Or Leon’s post about beating the “monkey shine shit” out of a cat…

And the absolute dumbest one is this…he took my damn 100 Things List that I called, Black History Month: These Are My Confessions. And he called it?? Black History Month: These Are My Confessions, except he narrowed it down to 5 Things About Him (which were actually the first 5 things about me) and called it the Panama Jackson Edition. I’m more or less confused about that one, but what the fuck, I don’t care at this point, its a crime…stupid is as stupid does. I’m not sure if that’s his picture or not but, er umm…fuck it, no point in discussing that any further.

I didn’t feel like diggin’ thru the archives of Brutha Code or Leon, but I’m sure those posts belong to them.

I remember a while back, some broad on Xanga stole one of my posts and I was emailed about it because apparently enough folks read her posts, and are black, that the shit would get back to me. In fact, Kajuana emailed me to let me know that I was being hijacked. Back then…

..the didn’t want me…

…now they really don’t want it.

Ignorant bitch niggas deserve to be put on blast. I can’t just sit around and let those individuals slide, can I? What kind of person would I be if I didn’t get them the hits that they were looking for by stealing posts. Clearly, they were taking shit that they assumed would provide them some readership. DC Land Rover, fuck you, and here goes your new audience.

Here’s what he wants you to know about his site:

The official rant site, created and maintained by a young man with passionate opinions and questions about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. My manties are in a bunch, and I’m pissed about something. It is very important that you have an open mind upon reading the content of this journal.

It is also important that you have good post handy so he can use them to create his own interesting blog.

Ladies and gentleman, please enjoy DCLandRover’s site. He would very much like for you to peer into his world. Just make sure that when you do…you aren’t looking back at yourself.

DCLandRover, you’re 15 minutes are now ticking away.

“Yall niggas gonna learn to respect the king…don’t be the next contestant over at JGT…”