One of the most poignant lines in all of American history was uttered by one Forrest Forrest Gump in the movie, Forrest Gump.

“Stupid is as stupid does, momma always said.”

This is going to sound uber-judgemental, but fuck it…some people are just damn dumb.

Now, when discussing dumb versus stupid versus smart versus intelligent, it’s important to note the subtle differences between the words. For this arduous task, I did what any internet savy individual would do…went to dictionary.com. It would see that they’ve already thought about this quandry and quite clearly laid out the differences in the so called “intelligent” realm. Gander?

Synonyms for smart: intelligent, bright, brilliant, knowing, quick-witted, smart, intellectual
These adjectives mean having or showing mental keenness. Intelligent usually implies the ability to cope with new problems and to use the power of reasoning and inference effectively: The intelligent math students excelled in calculus. Bright implies quickness or ease in learning: The bright child learned the alphabet quickly. Brilliant suggests unusually impressive mental acuteness: ‚ÄúThe dullard’s envy of brilliant men is always assuaged by the suspicion that they will come to a bad end‚Äù (Max Beerbohm). Knowing implies the possession of knowledge, information, or understanding: Knowing collectors bought all the auctioned paintings. Quick-witted suggests mental alertness and prompt response: The quick-witted emergency medical staff averted a tragedy. Smart refers to quick intelligence and often a ready capability for taking care of one’s own interests: Smart lawyers can effectively manipulate juries. Intellectual implies the capacity to grasp difficult or abstract concepts: Dinner at the philosopher’s house was noted for its intellectual conversations.

They sure are some geniuses aren’t they? Wait, they didn’t define that. Dammit.

Now, apparently dumb and stupid are pretty much synonymous. Both tend to mean, lacking intelligence or slow to learn. That was simple now wasn’t it?

So what’s the point of all of these definitions? Well one day, whilst sipping a Long Island Iced Tea, shaken not stirred, sans straw, I had an epiphany…a revelation even. You see it dawned on me that, well…some people are just dumb, and despite our best efforts to the deny the evident, will remain thusly. Now this is not an attack on idiots out there. Heavens no, this is intended for those individuals who have a hard time accepting such simple facts that some motherfuckers are just damn dumb.

For instance, I don’t care how educated a person is, it is possible for said person to just be un-intelligent. Sure, they may have read plenty of books and if you use the name Tolstoy, they won’t give you a besmirching face that illustrates they have no idea of whom you’re referring. But this same jackass will be the first to make a racially insensitive or gender insensitive…hell just a plain insensitive comment with little regard to its consequences. We sometimes refer to this as common sense versus book smarts. it is entirely possible to be filled with one and not the other.

In undergrad, I was exposed to somethings that really opened up my eyes to life. I saw rich black people. Lots of them. I went to school with the sons and daughters of millionaires. Some of these were detached, socially don’t-have-a-fucking-clue individuals who could recite to you every important date in American, European, and Penguin history, but couldn’t figure out that when washing clothes, it is important to separate the whites from the coloreds. I’m not saying these folks are dumb, just unexposed. However, if when exposed to reality, they maintain this inability to do for self…I’m pulling the dumb card.

Since I went to a historically black college for undergrad, I was mostly exposed to just class insensitivity and general dumbfuckedness like in the example above. However, graduate school at a major state university exposed me to the rest making me realize that people can be just damn dumb. For instance, a young white girl once told me and another of my friends in the program that if the black students wanted to have a bake sale, we should bake some chicken since that’s what we’re good at. I would call her just ignorant (I did call her an asshole), but she’s been exposed to black people long enough in life to know a dumb ass statement when she made one. Smart as a whip, but if I used that terminology to her, she’d probably make some mention of slavery and I’d have to kill her. This same young lady also stated, very confidently in one of my classes, that racism does not exist.

Dumbness however does.

Thus brings me to my point. Some people cannot put the square peg into the square hole, no matter how much teaching we provide them. Some people are incapable of figuring out that if you do not pay your bills on time, you might get royally fucked by creditors. I think its time we stopped acting like everybody had the ability to be smart. It just isn’t possible. Everybody isn’t intelligent, and everybody cannot use smarts to forward their lot in life. Common sense is not as common as it would seem it should be.

Speaking of intelligent, I actually had a woman tell me once in life that she wasn’t sure if I was an intellectual (see implied definition above) or not. This of course assumes that she is an intellectual, for in order to determine that somebody else may or may not be an intellectual, one must first determine that they are indeed intellectual. Apparently she was able to grasp the concept of the 4th dimension and vector space.

You see, that’s dumb.

Calling yourself an intellectual is akin to telling people that you are indeed smart. It reeks of a need for validation and what ends up happening is that the very people you are speaking to will undoubtedly scrutinize your every word and challenge you to see if you are indeed intellectual. Especially if you tell somebody that you aren’t sure if they are intellectual.

Me, I’m a bad person. I just assumed she was dumb.

This furthers my point. If folks tend to do and say dumb shit often, chances are, they just aren’t that sharp. Regardless of how much education they have, or how smart they seem, if you do dumb shit, you are indeed dumb.

Caller: So what are you getting at here? It would seem that you are just rambling and talking for no good reason.

Well, this is just damn dumb.

Song About Picking Cottong Pulled From School Concert (originally heard on the Russ Parr show and again via the a.n.d.y. of The Royal Youngs)

The principal, teachers, advisors, and anybody else who thought that in 2005, having a predominantly white choir sing a song about picking cotton, in a school concert…

…are all just damn dumb.

The fact that it got past the choir teachers, that the principal okay’d it, and that they seriously felt that that there was nothing wrong or that even the possibility for offense was absent…

…damn dumb.

Political correctness is at an all time high. People shuck and jive all the livelong day in attempts to not offend random ethnic groups of people. That’s all well and good, and largely idiotic in its own right, but stupid is as stupid does. It takes a special breed of dumb to not realize that hmmm, maybe, a song about picking cotton, for which the words “pick a bale of cotton” are in the title, just might not be the right choice for a bunch of little white kids AND ONE BLACK KID to sing at a concert for the masses. I know the NAACP is damn near obsolete nowadays, but they just sit around waiting for shit like this to fall into their laps.

Damn dumb.

The fact that the parent of the black child took his concerns to the school and they were dismissed further proves how damn dumb even the “smartest” people are. How do you dismiss a black man’s concerns about having white kids and his kids singing songs directly related to slavery? Sore spot anyone? It ain’t like they were singing “Wade In The Water”. No…they’re singing, “pick a bale of cotton.” A lighthearted fun song about the slave trade’s biggest product.

Got damn dumb.

A lot of time we assume that education makes you smart. That is wrong. Even the “smartest” people do some just damn dumb shit.

Ice Cube wrote a song called “Doin’ Dumb Shit”.

These “educators” are the living proof of it.

They are in effect, just damn dumb.