Southern California Trojans
And I’m not talking about the football team either.
I’m an unapologetic, unashamed fan of the MTV show Laguna Beach. There is nothing like watching a bunch of rich white kids struggle through a life where money is not an issue. I watch it mostly for two reasons. First, I watch it because the show is just downright entertaining to me and to count the number of times that the word “like” is used per episode. For instance, many sentences uttered on the show sound like this: “Jess, like, I can’t like believe you still like, like, like, Jason, like, especially, like, you know what kind of playboy, like, he, like, is…like, like, like.” It is annoying at first, but the next thing you know, like, you’re using it just as much as they, like, are.
Secondly, I watch because this show is giving you a window into the lives of the kids who will one day be running the country. They’re already the kids of rich, like, well-connected parents. Who’s to say that these kids won’t be running for office one day or running the companies that provide the services that we need that are, like, in bed with politicians? It’s proof positive that being rich (being white helps) is all you need to make it, not common sense, personality, or book smarts. Rich, white, and attractive can take you anywhere you want to go in life.
Attractive also means being unfat by the way. There are no fat kids on cast at Laguna.
Oh, and thirdly, I love LC. A lot.
Kristin can kiss my ass.
WHO WANT IT?!?!?!!!!
One thing I noticed about my beloved cast members of Laguna Beach is that these little fuckers have a ridiculous amount of leeway and freedom to come and go as they please. I know there is, like, major editage going on in the show but the, like, parents only show up at major events, like graduation and fashion shows, and the rest of the times, the kids are just out running amuck, like, amongst themselves. I had lenient parents in high school, though it wasn’t by their choice sometimes. We just kept pushing the limits until they broke. But I’ll be damned if there are certain things that my parents just wouldn’t allow. We got to stay out late, but don’t be up in your bedroom with your girl/boyfriend with the door closed. That door must remain open at all times or you’d feel the wrath of Khan.
Not on Laguna Beach, on Laguna Beach these kids take their boy/girlfriends to other houses and do one thing…
…head straight for the hot tub.
These kids, unsupervised (and being as big as their houses are, there parents might not even know they’re home), are just hugging, kissing, touching, and I’m assuming fucking, all willy nilly in those hot tubs. And that’s just what we see. I usually just assume that the hot tub was the prelude to the actual carnal action and that MTV was just using that to help us see who was hooking up and for us to draw our own conclusions.
Hmmm…what exactly does hooking up mean? I was raised around black people so the term is kind of foreign to me. I just always assume it means sex but the way its used would imply that if sex was the definition, every young white person is a whore of magnanimous proportions. So what the shit does that really mean? Does that mean having sex or just making out? Is it a, like, combination of the two? Does it mean going spelunking? Does it mean watching “Hook”?? I really have no idea. Can a white person help me out here? Or a black person who went to a white school and hung with the white people…or a black person who thinks he’s white? I’ve always been highly confused on this matter.
Ahem.
With the amount of hottub action and one-on-one action going on during this show, I’ve come to the conclusion that these young girls are on the best birth control known to man. Apparently, they can afford the kind of expensive shit Magic used to, like, rid himself of HIV. Not one of the kids on this show has ended up pregnant (or fat) and with Jason around, there is a whole lot of assplay going on.
On this show, from what they show us, nobody’s even had a scare. Hell, we get a scare on the Real World damn near once a season. I got a scare yesterday, and I was just opening a can of Beefaroni. Of course, they aren’t showing us any drug usage either and I refuse to believe none of these kids are getting stoned on the regular. Shit, Jason can barely string together a complete sentence so I know he’s high half the time.
That’s besides the point. Do you realize how many pregnancies would be popping up (and despite common belief, teen pregnancy, though still a problem, is on the decline in nearly every racial/ethnic group), if all parents had NO idea what their, like, kids were doing? I’m including white, black, Hispanic, etc. here as well. On Laguna Beach, they frolick and fuck, freely, no fetus. Regular America, kids are gonna be popping out east and west. This is more proof that if you’re rich you can get that good shit, be it cocaine or Trojans or spinners. I hate them damn cheap ass spinners I see on taxi’s and Ford Escort’s. Why do people, like, buy those things? They look like plates. Spinning painted plates.
I’ve just found it to be, like, amazingly funny that none of the kids on the show have worried about being pregnant, had a conversation about what would happen if they got pregnant because it happened to somebody else, etc. This either means that they’re all abstaining from sex (fat chance…actually, this is Laguna Beach, slim chance) or they’ve been implanted with the no-teenage pregnancy chip that one of their parents invented.
Or that the kids are actually practicing safe sex here like nobody’s business. Trojans in Southern California (well the Laguna Beach area) must be selling at ridiculous rates. Which would damn near make these the most responsible kids on Earth. It’s high school. I can think of at least, like, 3 girls from my high school who got pregnant while I was there. I’m not saying that everybody’s house was a total bastion of parental supervision and values and shit, but I just ain’t sure folks had as much freetime with their parents in their house as these LB kids seem to have.
Whatever sex education they taught these kids who can just skip to the hot tub together and lay the hammer needs to be spread nationwide. Or maybe the rest of America just needs some editing so folks won’t realize that you got pregnant and had an abortion.
Or they just need to ship those condoms to every other area with a 100 percent foolproof guarantee.
Or maybe we just all need to be rich and white. And not fat.
P.S. I hate Jason and Stephen is a bitch and there are way too many Alex’s on this show and I can’t tell them apart.
***For those looking for entertainment this evening in the Washington, DC area, check out the link to the Blue Stockholm/Stockholm 76 event tonight at Mirror’s Nightclub on New York Avenue in NE, DC. ***
November 18th, 2005 10:05
OMG, you are going to make me come way out of the LB closet. I must read this again, ha ha!
November 18th, 2005 10:19
LMAO. I was raised around all white people/am one, and “hooking up” DOES tend to mean sex. Though, there is room left for interpretation. It can also mean making out, or some other sexual foreplay type stuff.I’m pretty sure in Laguna they are boinking each other left and right. I would guess their parents have them all on the shot. Wealthy white folks are not stupid-they know their hot skinny teenage daughter having a baby is NOT going to make them look cool to their golf friends at the club!
November 18th, 2005 10:28
Ok, in my lily white world in boarding school, hooking up was a euphemism that is used to describe kissing, fondling, heavy petting (that term cracks me up) and/or blow jobs. It sounds less hoochie to say, so I guess it is now code word for putting lips and hands on naughty places.
White parents with money are so busy being fabulous and battling aging with surgeries, spa treatments, etc, that a lot of child rearing is left to nannies, au pairs, or personal assistants. These individuals draw checks so they are not all that consumed with chaperoning until the benz or BWM pulls up in the driveway and they start fronting like they were sitting next to Becky and her friends the entire time.
But the kids I went to school with had parents that wanted to be their ‚Äúfriend‚Äù so it was normal for them to be ‚Äúaround‚Äù but not really checking on us. So we could be hanging out at the family lake house and not see a parent the entire time. It was weird. I remember trying to suggest my parents let me have the house to myself for a weekend set…and they said hell no, you have us confused. LOL‚ĶI was so hurt. I wanted to be like my friends..but..um no.
November 18th, 2005 11:13
It is good to see someone in as deep as myself on some of these shows. Haven’t caught the LB fever tho.
November 18th, 2005 13:03
I’m not really like an LG fan, but from the previews, like, trailors I’ve seen, I can only imagine that it’s like a 2006 ‘90210′. And I am like surprised that a LOT of negroes watch this joint. Am I like, REALLY, missing out on something cause I don’t, like, watch this show?? And…like, my beliefication (Monk 2005) of the term ‚Äúhooking up‚Äù includes anything from intercourse, oral-to-genetal pleasantries, steamy make-out sessions, fondling private body parts, deep french-kissing, or anything like that.
November 18th, 2005 13:28
Hooking up, according to my white co-worker, means a variety of things. It includes the whole game, from first base on to home. And even on 90210, the poor joo chick from the bad side of town who lived with her granny, she got preggers.
November 18th, 2005 13:46
you are the only other person i know that watches this show. i love it.so mad its over.
stephen is cute.he fucked both the blonds, or should i say ‘hooked up’.
jason was pretty much stoned or drunk the entire season.
The look older then high school kids to me.
November 18th, 2005 16:02
So I guess “hooking up” can run the entire gamut huh. The funny shit is that amongst the right circles, everybody just automatically knows what that means. Thanks for the enlightenment. It’s a funny term if you think about it though, it’s the most descrptive non-descriptive word ever. You know what it implies but it really doesn’t tell you shit, depending on your own definition.
Dare I call it ingenious?
November 18th, 2005 18:07
When I use the term hooking up (oh I can, I went to a white school and although my momma isn’t white, my stepmother is) I mean kissing and heavy petting.
Oh news flash Laguna beach is fake, yup that’s why the kids aren’t doing drugs, aren’t preggers and are never supervised. The reason there isn’t a fat kid, cause its fake. It’s all scriped. Sorry dude I wish I had better news.
November 18th, 2005 23:24
^ LIES!!!! ALL LIES!!!
LC is my homegirl and she’s not fake dammit!
November 20th, 2005 10:50
As a black girl from the OC… I can tell you that “hooked up” is a very general term. It basically means that you made a base hit - anything from kissing to heavy petting to hitting a home run.
BTW, I love LB too but I can only watch it with my little sister. She has to tell me who is who… What can I say they all look alike
LOL Not just cause they’re white but they’re all blond and skinny. Except for Alex she’s my favorite cause she’s not blond and kinda thick by LB standards.
November 20th, 2005 10:52
Oh yeah… I think Jason and Kirstin should hook up. They’d be perfect for each other. They’re both the biggest cheaters, hoes, and liars in town
*putting on invisible cape and going back to lurking*
November 20th, 2005 17:53
*GASP* BLASPHEMY!!! Kristin is not a ho’!!! She just knows how to the play the game!!! And game recognizes game - which is why Kristin and Jason have steered clear of each other. BIG UP TO KRISTIN!!!!
While Jason is an asshole, I must say that I dont’ hate him for it. He is an admitted asshole and he’s clear with his shit. When he dogs a woman out, he does it with no fear of reprisal or retribution and does it in plain view of 10,000 witnesses, sometimes even the dog-ee in question. Hmmph. I say BIG UP TO JASON for being the biggest asshole in Orange County - but STILL being able to get the most ass. LOL He’s an inspiration to assholes both here and abroad.
As for this post, it is EXCELLENT!!! I love it. It made me laugh and nod my head in agreement (or “agreeance” as the English-ly challenged would say) OMG…I couldn’t believe that you pulled out the same EXACT points I would have… about the “like” usage and the definition of “hook-up,” because there are times it’s clearly sex, like when Cedric asked Jason who he “hooked up” with after prom and Jason said “Alex” (the one that was rumored to have a hygiene problem LOL - don’t know if she’s M or S….) but yeah, that gets confusing to me too… and then you mentioned birth control… OMG I thought the SAME exact thing… no mention of birth control OR disease and do NOT tell me that none of them got burned, like, ever! LOL And you mentioned that no one is FAT or necessarily ugly!!! LOL I mean some kids are definitely more attractive than others, but there’s no real UGLY chicks on the show!!! LOL Then you mentioned all the Alex’s. LOL you’re so hilarious… however… there’s one thing you KNOW we do NOT see eye-to-eye on. You know I am a die-hard Kristin supporter. I love that chick!!! if I went back to high school and had to be a teenager again, I’d wnat to be Kristin. She is the quintessential female PIMP!!! I love her!!! Gotta love her!!! Though LC is FINALLY beginning to wise up. Thank goodness… I guess Stephen knocked all the fight out of her. LOL
But yeah… I watched the season finale the other day (thank you DVR!!!) and I sniffled once. LOL It was sweet. There is going to be a “next” season, as evidenced by the voice-over saying, “stay tuned for scenes from next season.” I didn’t see the scenes bec. the DVR cut the recording off too soon, but… I’m curious to know if there is goign to be a new cast, or if they will follow their grown asses around (since they’re ALL going to LA anyway!!!). Let me know, since you know these things… I’d appreciate the enlightenment.
If it’s a new cast, I don’t know that I’ll watch because a new cast just won’t be the *sniffle* same. LOL
Talk to you Monday!!! =))) LOL
November 20th, 2005 19:35
I’ve only seen the first 6 episodes of this shit, but the way they use the term “hook up” is fuckin’ wrong. Anyone I know thinks hook up means to fuck. Making hook up mean kissing or getting to second base is some ol’ junior high type shit. These kids are like 16-18.
All them kids on that show are some herbs. The last episode I wateched I saw them get punked by some drunk midget. I’ve never seen someone get son’d like that and on national TV to boot.
I’d hit LC though. Kristin is on some future abused wife type shit. She gonna get married and end up getting caught fuckin’ the gardner in about 10 years and then wonder why she gets socked.