October Madness 2005-Your Queen To Be Crowned!
*cueing tourney theme song Willie Hutch’s “I Choose You”*
And she is…
…KENYA MOORE!!!!!!
*yells and screams and folks poppin’ collars and poppin’ bottles of 4.95 champagne because Dom Perignon costs too much…oh yeah, Cristal does too*
To Kenya Moore, the super nubile, supple, sensual, sexxy chocolatey goodness…we love, admire, and want to sop you up with Popeye’s or Church’s biscuits on a Wednesday afternoon while sippin’ some Nestle Quik, preferably strawberry, and passing Chic-O-Stic’s around the circle.
As a tribute, here are the words to the song that inspired so many men to get married, and realize the true Queen they possessed. And yes I had to watch Coming To America and transcribe the words to get this.
She’s your Queen to be
A Queen to be forever
A Queen who’ll do whatever his highness desires
She’s your Queen to be
A vision of perfection
An object of affection to quench your royal fire
Completely free from infection
To be used at your discretion
Waiting only for your direction
Your Queen to be
I’d also like to say that Halle Berry, I love you and you made it further than I expected you to make it. Thank you for being beautiful, Kenya on the other hand is booti-ful. It makes a difference.
The more you know.
*ding*
Both myself, Big Sexxy, and the a.n.d.y. would like to thank everybody who participated and made this exercise in exploitation what it turned into. It was fun, long, more fun, and even sparked debates amongst lots of folks, spawned a simultaneous men’s tournament which was no less interesting and drew the ire of obviously unemployed time having fuckers with nothing better to do than “police” the internet.
This was both fun and time consuming and I enjoyed nearly every minute of it. Both of us strapping young bucks (umm…no homo) put a lot of thought into this from the beginning knowing full well we wouldn’t be able to include everybody and ran with it anyway. We turned a conversation about women’s asses into a tournament.
Ignorance never had it so good.
So…because I love ignorance with a passion, and like to entertain, I’ve created a new genre of bloggin’ called Ignortainment. And yes I know, BET already exists. Speaking of BET, I discovered something very BET-esque in stats the other day…
…the searches that brought people to my site. So as my tribute to the ignance that was our tournament, I’ve decided to bring to you the most entertaining searches that brought people to my site who weren’t here strictly for the tournament.
Can I kick it???
Yes you can…
Well I’m gone.
PANAMA JACKSON PRESENTS…WE MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO TO GET TO JACKSONGTICKLE.COM
“eddies gold teeth in atlanta” -Honestly, I don’t even know where the fuck Eddie’s is located in Atlanta, nor do I remember putting that on here…however, there it plain as day. Apparently, my ghetto knowledge knows no bounds or geographical limitations. I hope they have some specials going on. Hmm…do you think they charge more for a platinum grill if your teeth are cripwalking and ragtopping at the same time?? And if you don’t know what ragtoppin’ is…holla at somebody from Atlanta.
“king kong aint got nothing on me” -Hell naw he doesn’t have nothing on me. Denzel neither!!!
“esther baxter bending over” -It wasn’t me, I swear. And I KNOW they didn’t find what they were looking for.
“asian contortionists” -Nothing brightens your day like finding out that not one, but TWO people found my site via seraching for I’m assuming pictures of Asian contortionists. Apparently, African contortionists weren’t big that day. Talk about a let down, hell I want to see them too. I just did my own search.
“johnny gill is gay” -Well, duuuuuh.
*PANAMA’S WEB SEARCH OF THE WEEK*
“parents guide to knowing what cocaine smells like” -I just don’t know what to say about that one. I know I’ve been instrumental in many people’s knowledge of self, but this one even throws me for a loop. Mostly because I’ve never smelled cocaine. Weed, of course. What scares me more is that this might be some parent who’s concerned about what may be their kids new cocaine habit…and they just aren’t sure. Guess they couldn’t find that shit in Parenting magazine, so they came to the only other place for totally accurate information, the Internet. Sad sad times in parenting.
“male actor laz alonzo” -Didn’t we see this nigga on a milk carton a while ago?
“spanking black women” -Ummm….
“lightskinneded titties” -This is why we can’t rise as a people. See we are focused on skin color! And if their white, fuckin’ racists!! What’s worse is that the person who did this search is really in Ebonics hell. I joke when add an extra -ed to my words. Apparently, everybody didn’t get the joke.
“straight boyz nekkid” -I’m just all confused here.
“how to do african headwraps” -I don’t even know how to do that. I just put t-shirts on my head and tie them in the back. Over and under the rabbit hole. I guess it’s better than the parent’s guide to knowing how cocaine smells though.
“what s up with tevin campbell smoking weed” -The nigga wants to get high, duh!!?!
“articles about people who disagree with lil jon s lyrics” -You know, somewhere, somebody out there is actually LISTENING to Lil Jon lyrics for their academic merit. Boredom, it’s their anti-drug.
“dating white women in dc area” -I had no idea Wesley Snipes frequented my blog.
“fucked panama” -Dude, Billie Jean is not my lover.
“does anybody from africa qualify for mtv award” -You really can’t make this shit up. Somebody is looking for the social relevance on America’s bastion of change…MTV.
“female midget contortionists” -Apparently Asian contortionists aren’t enough. Double or nothing, it’s the same person or somebody in their family. I’ll bet their from West Virginia.
“sexxy sexxy bitch” -Why yes I am…fuckers!
booooo! i demand a recount!! somebody is stuffin the ballot box! pregnant chads i tell you!!!!
*throws rotten tomatoes*
Dude those key search words crack me up. I actually thought about doing something like that on my blog but folks don’t find my blog with interesting search requests like that. Most find my blog with “what happened in” and “Unalterable body parts” weird huh lol!
CTFU!
I’m happy for Kenya Moore; whereas, I’m STILL wondering how Idris Elba beat out the Roc on the womens tourney. But anyway, I’ve found some crazy searches my-damn-self, but I would have never thought to make a post about them. LMAO @ yours. I messed up and said “clit” one time and my ratings were through the roof! Goes to show u what the innanet was made for.
Hip Hop Hooraaayyyy for Kenya!!
I think my tracker pulls up the location..ok I am really curious to see where “does anybody from africa qualify for mtv award” ..originated from. LOL
@Wise Diva: I was looking for the country of origin. Five bucks says its somebody from Cleveland.
And no, I have nothing to base that on.
I knew I should have bet money on this whole contest. I was telling someone about it and they said there was no way Kenya would win. You know why she really-really won? Cus she’s from Detroit!! The same place that produced ME (although I was only there from 5-17) and Eminem. Great things come out the D!!! Kajuana for PRESIDENT. VOTE FOR ME!!!
I’m shocked Kenya won. I thought Halle was gonna take it. Never underestimate the power of a big booty!!!
Absolutely hilarious what people are searching for. Fools! lol
I’m soooo not shocked if you remember I picked her to win from day one. Now… what do I get?
*clapping wildly*
and no… As Phyllis Stickney said, the power of the bootay – should NEVER be underestimated. =)
Oh and I kept saying I was gonna do this post about the way people find my site… some of them are freaking hilarious.
in by greenbriar mall folk – go and get ya grill from eddie’s
by greenbriar mall folk – go and get ya grill from eddie’s