*cueing up tournament theme music, Willie Hutch “I Choose You”*

We’ve arrived!!

Finally, after a few weeks, we’ve finally reached the:

OCTOBER (INTO NOVEMBER) MADNESS 2005′S FINAL FOUR BITCHES!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the most important vote of your life. Two young ladies from very different walks of life have come together to battle it out; on this November 4, 2005, the victorious vixens from the Jayne Kennedy and Vanity brackets will compete for a chance to go head to head against the winner of the Pam Grier/Tamara Dobson Bracket winner. There has been no bigger day in voting history. In fact, this monumental day might be the most important day in the history of this country. Bigger than July 4, 1776; bigger than June 3, 1979; bigger than the addition of 2, 8, 12, 19, and 31. Go on ahead, add up those numbers and see what you get. You’ll know when you’re done. We are THAT live and yes, it’s that big.

I, Panama Jackson of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises, and the Imperial D.Young AKA the a.n.d.y. of The Royal Youngs, have done everything that we could to bring you the best in home exploitation, entertainment, and excavation! Yes people, excavation, for we have dug up pictures upon pictures of the most lovely damsels south of the North Pole and north of the South Pole; east of West and west of East. Hell, we’ve gone up on the down stroke and leaned back. We’ve fallen up, and tuned into the love below. We’ve even gone front, back, and side to side.

Nigga, we are funkentelechy!!!

Basically, if you’ve heard of it, we’ve been there.

What started out as thoughts of young men from the wheat fields of Smallville has morphed into every man’s exploitative fantasy, and I for one…am proud. There is this notion floating around that exploitation is bad. Pishtosh and fiddlesticks…we exploit everyday of our lives. Our bosses exploit our gifts for their climb up the corporate ladder…parents exploit kids fresh legs by having them run down stairs to get water…and me and the a.n.d.y. are exploiting the finer qualities of women we love and admire from afar by putting them on display so that every man and woman, child and squirrel, may enjoy, celebrate, and appreciate. Yes, America (and any other countrypeople reading this) we are doing a service…a good service, hell, one might call us commerce…

…yes we are commerce. And our currency is happiness.

Our happiness has spawned not only the democratic process in its truest, purest form; it has also invited others to join in causing the creation of the one, the only Gat Dayum Tournament, where the lovely ladies, Xquizzyt1 and the Wise Diva (through a joint partnership with Kendall Meeks) have put male exploitation on 1 Front Street as well. Happiness knows no bounds.

Smoke some weed, hug a tree, don’t you want to be happy with me??

By the way, the number 72 really doesn’t stand for anything for all those that actually summed up those numbers.

With that said, let the ass ogling and fatback transac-tions commence and transcend as we welcome the winners from both the Jayne Kennedy and Vanity Brackets!!!

And for the record, I be on it all night man I be on it, all day straight up pimp if you want me you can find me in the…

…A…A…A…A…A…A!!!!

And that A would be Atlanta, GA for those not in the know.

Westside of the A to be exact…check ya facts, gangsta!

I really just felt like shouting out Atlanta…that’s where we be on that Kryptonite, straight up on that Kryptonite!

And in honor to Rosa Parks and civil rights everywhere, I’d like to give a shout out to my old street in Atlanta, Martin Luther Tha Kiing Blvd, SW!!!

And no, this has nothing to do with the tourney.

However, when you are the sexxiest muhfucka this side of the Pacific, you can just do things like that. Hell you can proclaim that life is hard when you wake up everyday as the Most Muhfuckin’.

It’s so hard to be this good at doing great things.

I think that just became my new slogan.

See??

On to the tourney…

The potential Queens to be, Soulglo and all are as follows.

From the Jayne Kennedy Bracket is:

(1) Kenya Moore def. (2) Stacey Dash by an asswhuppin’ 19-9

No matter what y’all do, you never gonna stop my flow
Producer, rapper, CEO (uh-huh)
Sometimes I just sit down and think
Might have a long drink, rock my long mink
How you gonna hold me, you don’t even know me (uh-uh)
Platinum or gold, I get it sold (that’s right)
All I wanna do is see you dancin and clappin
singin and rappin, makin it happen
Keep it scorchin, more often
Tryin to leave Justin a fortune, Bad Boy
You hear what the prefix is (yeah)
I get chips to breathe on remixes (uh)
Catch me at the bar with three misses (yeah yeah)
in the Benz that I still never drove got deep dishes (ahahah)
Playa haters, how you like me now? (how you like me?)
Bartender, hit my team with another round
See what we have, is a brand new sound
That’s why nobody can’t hold me down
-Puffy, “Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down”

In the Vanity Bracket, the winner is:

(4) Nona Gaye def. (6) Nia Long, 23-13 a spanking considering it’s Nia Long

I’ma sucka for corn rows and manicured toes (hey)
Fendi capri pants and Parasuco’s (alright)
High saddity and city, with one or two clothes
I’m draftin ‘em outta high school straight into the pros
Who knows? I know!
And I love it when you make your knees touch your elbows
And break it down low to the flo’, and there you go
Now throw it on me slow
And everytime I +Busta Rhyme+, baby “Gimme Some Mo’”
You say you like that, when I hit it from behind
And I’ll be right back; yeah that’s my very next line
I use it - time after time, when I’m speakin my mind
It’s no matter if I’m shootin game to a pigeon or dime
I ask her, “Who dat is, talkin that shit about the ‘tics?”
Somebody probably jealous cause they bitch got hit
But ain’t nobody else droppin shit like this
Should we apologize? Nah fuck ‘em, just leave ‘em pissed, HEY!
-Nelly, “E.I.”

Panama’s Pick: Nona Gaye
Panama’s Prediction: Kenya Moore

a.n.d.y.’s Pick: Kenya Moore
a.n.d.y.’s Prediction: Kenya Moore

And if you’re wondering why I picked two shitty ass verses by two shitty ass rappers it’s because I really just have nothing left to say about the lovely ladies. It’s all been said, it’s all been spoken…now go vote bitch!!!

After you vote here, make sure you head over to the a.n.d.y.’s site to vote for the winner from the explosive Pam Grier vs. Tamara Dobson Catfight. Meow! And come back Monday as we crown 2005’s Queen To Be…

Vote or Die Bitches…Vote or Die!!!!