Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…Panama’s Propositions

*cueing up tournament theme song Willie Hutch’s “I Choose You”*

Welcome back to day 2 of the Elite 8 here at Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises. Apparently, Jay and Nas have reconciled, but that hasn’t stopped Kenya Moore from whipping Stacey Dash’s ass like she stole her lollipop, man, and conflict diamond. Call your homies, lovers, and friends and tell them to come vote in today’s Tamara Dobson Bracket (as well as in Friday’s Jayne Kennedy bracket), and then head over to the a.n.d.y.’s site to vote for both the Pam Grier and Vanity brackets. You all have until Thursday to vote and then it’s the…

*drumroll*

FINAL FOUR, BITCHES!!!!

And one step closer to crowning our Queen…who we will have bequeathed through the Democratic process. We have made our forefathers proud.

We, the people, my people, black, white, brown, yellow, purple, blurple, mocha, fuscia (you get the picture), it’s not a game…it’s a tournament!

Seeing as this tournament is exploitation at its finest (which has been pointed out to me on IM, through email, and through one very disgruntled phone call from somebody I don’t know who happened to pull my number off of the We The Voices website…hmm…methinks I shouldn’t have just said that my number is available on the We The Voices website…in fact, un-read what you just read), I’ve decided to finally give the tournament some theme music. Seriously, what exploitative practice doesn’t have theme music? In honor of one of the best movies to come out of the blaxploitation era (even though I don’t necessarily feel like this movie is blaxploitation), I’ve put “The Mack” soundtrack up on the radio blog for all to partake (and as usual, for some reason it has the songs in reverse order, so “Vampin’” is the first song and “Brotha’s Gonna Work It Out” is the last song on the soundtrack).

Public Service Announcement: The Mack, the movie that brought Max Julien to the forefront of black cinema…and left his ass there in 1973, is one of the pre-eminent movies of the 1970’s. The fact that it’s downright horribly comedic and does indeed have a message should not blur one from realizing that some of the most common themes and sayings of todays pimpin’ culture come from this very movie. In fact, the now infamous line, “don’t be mad…yo’ bitch chose me”, comes from this movie. The next time you are out perusing the shady side of town and see a pimp lose one of his hoes, listen carefully, as the victorious pimp will undoubtedly utter that line. You will be able to find solace in the fact that though there is prostitution going on, and the young ho is probably no older than 15, that you share a connection with the pimp because you both have seen…The Mack. Thank you.

The theme song for the tournament (about 3 weeks too late) is also featured on the radio blog courtesy of The Mack soundtrack. It is “I Choose You.” Listen and vote to the luscious sounds of pimpin’ gone wild.

On Friday, I created small poems to showcase my thoughts on the particular women. Well, today, to be a little bit more creative, and seeing as how my computer is sitting right in the middle of my “office” and I have my CD’s stacked all around me, I’m going to grab a few CD’s and write up the ladies using titles of the songs from whatever CD’s I pick up. This will either be ridiculously fun or totally stupid. I’m guessing the latter, but we will see.

With that said, let us get our minds and hearts ready for…are you ready?…I don’t think you are…if you aren’t it’s okay…just tell me that you aren’t…okay, I’m just funnin’ you…no really, I am…aww fiddlesticks…now is time for the…

Tamara Dobson Bracket

With yo’ fine ass that whipped some ass, Tamara Dobson, we salute you for your endeavors to make sure that black women got a chance to act everywhere. You don’t get the credit but Halle Berry wouldn’t have won the Oscar if women like you didn’t pave the way…or not. Either way, you are appreciated like Afeni Shakur.

(1) Halle Berry (waxed Zoe Saldana’s ass 32-9) vs. (2) Claudette Ortiz (won by the hair on her chinny chin chinn over Tyra Banks, 22-19)

Halle Berry

CD I PIcked UP: Ice Cube Amerikkka’s Most Wanted (oh hell…)
Song titles or versions of songs titles are italicized

America’s Most Halle

Halle Halle Halle…you are the nigga they love to hate. Some people think you’d be better off dead, but you are still this gangsta’s fairytale (I’m the gangsta by the way). They say it’s a man’s world, but we all know that once upon a time in the projects, where there were drive-by’s, that you were the bomb. Fact is, they just can’t fade you Halle…they just can’t. Sometimes, I know you’re out, and dude’s be sweating you and you want to say to them, “tell yo bitch to come here” and then tell her to “get off your dick.” And I for one think that you should. Shit, they want to know, who’s the mack?? You are Halle…you are. In fact, to all them other muhfuckas that think they can hold you…I just got one question, what they hittin’ foe? Cuz we all know, YOU…Halle Berry…

…are America’s Most Wanted!

Claudette Ortiz

CD I Picked Up: Kriss Kro…er, um…Janet Jackson Control
Song titles or versions of songs titles are italicized

Control Claudette…Control

My dearest Claudette Ortiz, when I think of you…I just get nasty thoughts. Honestly girl, you can be mine. No questions asked. Just let me know. I know a lot of people might say, “Claudette, what you done for me lately?” True, you really haven’t done shit since City High, and the jury’s still out on whether or not that was a good look or not. However, seeing your ass and nice caramel complexion, well, you you can run my high school and be my pleasure Principle any day. And yes, I know I used that wrong, but damn…that’s just what you do to me. And I ain’t all about that, let’s wait awhile nonsense, I want to just flip you over a Chevrolet now! Look, your baby daddy, he doesn’t know I’m a live…and that’s cool cuz I know you don’t really love me. But it’s funny how time flies when I spend time thinking of you and I just thought you should know, you got me losing control. Claudette…mami…I love you.

Panama’s Pick: Halle Berry
Panama’s Prediction: Halle Berry
a.n.d.y.’s Pick: Claudette Ortiz
a.n.d.y.’s Prediction: Halle Berry

And as a special tribute, and no, it’s not another snow bunny, today’s tribute goes out to the one and only…

…Princess Jasmine from Aladdin. Man I love her.

A Whole New World

Princess Jasmine, girl, you could get it in about 8 different countries and the Middle East. I remember the first time I saw Aladdin, I was just mesmerized by those big ole eyes and how much you could see through the screen how bad I just wanted to take an eraser to them clothes. You are the only animated woman who ever truly had me wanting to get myself put into a comic book just so I could spend a little bit more time with you. The reality is that you and I could never be together. Our world’s are so different, with yours confined to only two axes (x and y) while I’m allowed the z-axis. Yes, you have, by definition, the flattest ass of any woman alive, but you still have that special something. Princess Jasmine…you made me experience a whole new world.

****

Thus ends the Elite 8. Make sure you vote her and then head over to the a.n.d.y.’s site at The Royal Youngs to vote in the Vanity bracket. Friday begins the Final Four and then comes the ultimate Championship where we crown or 2005 Queen to be.

Vote or Die!!!

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