October Madness 2005: Elite 8 (Part I)-She’s Your Queen To Be!
Welcome to day…day umm…hell, day something of October Madness 2005. We’d like to thank you all for returning back to Exploitation Central AKA Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises for what has become the breakthrough tournament of 2005. Those two super smooth sly brothers, Panama Jackson, and the a.n.d.y. of The Royal Youngs are here once again to bring you the Elite 8 round of the tournament.
No really, thanks for voting!! Any hell points you have stacked against you have just been reduced by 10…I’ll take them since I have about a gazillion and just had my name-plate engraved in Hades 9th Hell.
As you know, we started out with 32 sexxalicious women who were primed up, oiled down, and ready to put their all on the line to compete for baddest brown-skinned (or melanin-packin’) beauty of 2005. Through scientific means, we managed to make a list, check it twice, and find out who had been naughty!!
Beeeeeeehave!!!
But as with any tournament, there are losers and winners and so far we’ve eliminated 24 women from contention, leaving us the 8 women that YOU America…let me just say that again to stress the fact that I’m speaking of those people who are reading and have voted, as opposed to say, those who aren’t reading who couldn’t vote anyway since they aren’t reading which means they can’t vote as opposed to folks in Florida…you know what…I’ve totally lost my point, back to the tourney…yes YOU America…have democratically chosen to move forward and compete for the long coveted Baddest Brown Skinned Beauty of 2005 Award.
There really is no prize.
I would like to make a quick statement, if I could. Can I?
*taps microphone*
Here ye here ye…we, the people, will give you liberty, or give you death. For we have not yet begun to fight, hell, we will not fire until we see the whites of their eyes. It is up, up on the down stroke and funkentelechy. If you feel like getting moody junior, well…I can’t help it, if I wanted too.
Thank you.
*crazy applause and love being adorned on the sexxy one*
And yes, that might have been the second dumbest shit I’ve written on this site.
Call me now!!!!
Make sure you head over to the a.n.d.y.’s page to vote in the Pam Grier Bracket.
For this round, I’ve decided to do short poems for the lovely ladies who’ve made it thus far. Women like poetry from what I hear…hell, how else would Nia Long beat Beyonce? Love Jones…that’s how.
Without further ado, let us get into the…
OCTOBER MADNESS 2005: ELITE 8 MOTHATRUCKAS
Jayne Kennedy Bracket
Jayne Kennedy…we salute you. I don’t even have anything else to say except…Good Laaaaaaaaaaaawd!
(1) Kenya Moore (whipped Christina Milian’s ASS, 32-7) vs (2) Stacey Dash (spankededed Maia Campbell’s TAIL, 29-10)
Ode to Kenya Moore
Kenya Moore what can I say
I’d bounce that ass every kind of which a way
you look so fine without them clothes
I’ll take you over all of Luda’s area codes
You make me smile you so fine and nubile
Up on the pole and slide girl slide
Boom boom room and vroom vroom vroom
Kenya Moore beep beep, toot toot
Limerick in the Key of Stacey Dash
There once was a woman named Stacey Dash
Kanye’s video showed us all that juggly ass
Her beauty was timeless
She’s always damn smiling
I’d sop her up with a biscuit quick fast
She’s so fine there really ain’t much competition
Hell I think she put me on that voodoo made me superstitious
I’d lick her toes in a puddle
Drink her bath water with bubbles
Have her legs sticking out of a Ford Expedition
Panama’s Pick: Stacey Dash (this was a hard ass choice…but I just love Stacey)
Panama’s Prediction: Kenya Moore
a.n.d.y.’s Pick: Stacey Dash
a.n.d.y.’s Predition: Stacey Dash
***SPECIAL REPORT***
[***DISCLAIMER: Due to the overly sexxed nature of the Men's brackets AKA The Gat Dayum! Tournament going on courtesy of Xquizzyt1 and Wise Diva (via Kendall Meeks), myself and the a.n.d.y. have decided to do tributes to snow bunnies we love! What's the connection you ask?? I had to read those damn descriptions...shit had me feeling all dirty. We reciprocate. ***]
Tribute to Jennifer Aniston
Jennifer, oh Jennifer, how do I love thee?? Girl, I’d smack a piece of toast with a pair of underoos and some flipflops made of toothpicks and acetate. Shiiiiiiiit, I’d take a piece of 3×5 plywood and slide down some berylium and Crystal Light while watching Desparate Housewives and eating Jim Bean pork sausages. That’s how much I love her. I’ll be your Oreo! Fuck Brad Pitt…
Jennifer Aniston…we salute you!
***
Vote or Die people and then make sure you head over to the Pam Grier bracket being hosted by the a.n.d.y. Our very existence on this little ball we call Earth could very well depend on this. Or not…but go vote anyway!
Sadatay bitches!
***
And for those folks interested, I have an editorial up on Allhiphop.com right now entitled, “Reading, ‘Riting, and Rap.” Don’t let the picture and reference to Tony Yayo scare the living shit out of you and make you think its garbage. It’s a little less hyperbolic (that’s a college word) than what I usually do, but sometimes you got to feign (college word again!) professionalism.
October 28th, 2005 09:24
Kenya, no contest.
October 28th, 2005 09:36
Kenya, Kenya, Kenya and more Kenya.
…and I don’t even like her. No doubt it’s just standard-issue hateration due to the fact that EVERY S.O. I’ve EVER had always looks about ready to bust a big one everytime her no actin’ behind comes on the screen…..but i can’t deny the total packageness.
She is the shiznit.
October 28th, 2005 10:11
kenya. I wanna look like her when i grow up, man.
October 28th, 2005 10:20
i’m gonna go with Stacey to win!
October 28th, 2005 10:38
Kenya Moore (somebody has to give Esther some comp in the final 4!!!)
October 28th, 2005 10:41
…out of all the “snow bunnies” on the creator’s green earth…why o why dear sexxy most muhfu**in one would you choose Jennifer Aniston to salute? Please Panama Jackson let your readers know!
October 28th, 2005 11:08
@ihatejen: i like her. simple and plain. granted she aint as banging as say charlize theron or angelina jolie…but for girl next door action…she’s about tops on the totem pole.
October 28th, 2005 11:34
LOL @ you feeling “dirty” over our stuff. We were TAME! …jeez..lightweight!
I am going to vote Kenya…I thought her ass on the cover of that magazine was a baby midget…damn KENYA!!
October 28th, 2005 11:59
kenya - the woman; not the country! though i hear both are beautiful.
October 28th, 2005 12:21
WOW to both of these ladies. But, I’m gonna go with Kenya.
October 28th, 2005 12:28
Stacey Dash
October 28th, 2005 12:30
Lmao@the poems and shit. Wild.
I agree, the comments in the “Gat Dayum Tournament” are off the chain!!! When women get together to discuss men…this is the result!!! Yall ain’t the only ones who can get filthy about the mouth!!!
And i think Jen was prettier when she had round cheeks; she looked young and vivrant. Then she lost all that weight so now she just looks old with a long face.
With that being said, i pick:
Kenya
October 28th, 2005 13:28
Kenya - she still has at least another 10 years of fabulosity to come…while Stacey is STILL doing it, it’s only a matter of time before she’ll start to show the beginning signs of aging
October 28th, 2005 13:54
LMAO @ those damn poems. I’m too through with you and this whole contest, LOL.
October 28th, 2005 15:19
Kenya….
October 28th, 2005 15:43
kenya for the sweep!!
October 28th, 2005 15:50
kenya, no doubt
October 28th, 2005 16:22
kenya.
October 28th, 2005 17:02
stacey…kerry washington was ROBBED in the 1st round.
October 28th, 2005 17:16
Stacey is getting her ass WHUPPEDEDED!! Dizzam…
October 29th, 2005 02:38
Kenya Moore
October 29th, 2005 02:46
Stacey fa sho!
And dawg J. Aniston is way more splackalicious than Theron or Jolie by far. But not more so than Jessica Beal. And I believe that Regina Hall got left out of the tourney. He is at least as fine as Res and Tat Ali. Sure you could question her regular season resume but the selection committee has some ’slpanin’ to do.
October 29th, 2005 16:06
K. Moore
October 29th, 2005 21:14
I love you Kenya…lord knows I do…but Stacey’s b-movies are better than yours!! And she showed breast!!!
Stacey D!!!!
October 29th, 2005 22:06
Kenya
October 30th, 2005 14:07
This is the battle that I WAS NOT looking foward to. Once again my hands are tied…but imma flip a coin (Damn, they both got ‘heads’ and ‘tail’). Imma go with Kenya.
October 30th, 2005 18:02
Clearly at this point it’s a losing battle, but Stacey still gets the vote.
October 31st, 2005 13:03
Kenya, bammas!!!!
And if we’re showing love to the caucasoid jawns, I must pledge my allegiance to Nikka Costa.
October 31st, 2005 17:09
Can’t let Stacey go out like a punk, so she gets my vote.
October 31st, 2005 23:43
Stacey Dash
November 3rd, 2005 09:03
Did you see the Ass on Kenya More? Yeah Stacey is cute, but Kenya wins this one