October Madness 2005-Sweet Sixteen (Part 1): She’s Your Queen To Be!
Brown paper packages, tied up with string…these are a few of my favorite things!
No, that had nothing to do with anything. I just felt like sharing the end to one of the best showtunes ever. And if you are still puzzled and don’t know that its from The Sound of Music, well, consider yourself…
…READY FOR THE SWEET SIXTEEN!!!!
*loud screams and yells…again*
Welcome back to October Madness 2005, the tournament that brings you the best in exploitation and misogynistic behavior, courtesy of those smooth debonair brotha’s from the Mid-Atlantic, the a.n.d.y. of The Royal Youngs, and myself, The Most Muhf****n’, Panama Jackson, of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises.
We’re household names.
*blank stares*
Indulge me. Shit.
Anyway, the votes have been cast and the die has been rolled and we’ve eliminated 16 of our buxom baddest brown-skinned (or at least melanin-packing) beauties. It was sad to see some of them go, but alas, like the “Play ‘em or Spray ‘em” skit on Lil’ Half Dead’s album (no, you don’t know who he is), The Dead Has Arisen…
…gotta go gotta go.
We’re down to 16, count ‘em 1-6, women who are competing for the championship and the title of Baddest Brown Skinned Beauty. There were some close races, some surprisingly close races, but democracy has once again prevailed and the people have spoken. But, we’re not done talking, for there is more work to be done.
Are you ready to rock??? I saaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiid…ARE YOU READY TO ROCK???!!
For Round 1, we oh so cleverly (or not depending on your Moon sign) decided to do short writeups of each individual beauty. Well, for the Sweet Sixteen, we (moreso I, since apparently people were writing novels in the a.n.d.y.’s comments) decided to hit the streets to get some quotes from the general public on each lady. Yes, Panama, Mr. I Can Make You Famous (that’s me), went with a “Word On The Street” motif.
So…
You know the rules, you know what to do. Today, I’m bringing you the first 4 ladies who have made it out of Round 1. I’m bringing you back to the:
Jayne Kennedy Bracket
Since I didn’t do this before, Jayne Kennedy was the first black Miss Ohio back in 1970 and was also the first black woman to grace the cover of Playboy in 1981. I don’t care what anybody says, that’s big. She’s also had bit parts in many movies, but her most notable accomplishment? Basically being able to be the chick that folks refer to when they mention beauty and everybody just understands, as evidenced by Mos Def on “Ms. Fat Booty”, when he states, “yo she look like Jayne Kennedy son, she was that ill.”
Jayne Kennedy, we salute you…and your genetics!
(1) Kenya Moore (def. Kerry Washington, 27-20) vs. (3) Christina Milian (def. Res, 25-22)
Streets Are Talking about Kenya Moore:
*I can’t get any more pictures at work without setting off the “sex”, “tasteless”, etc. filters. I’m amazed I got this one!*
“Man…I’d jumpstart a Kangaroo with those legs! Shiiit, give me 2 minutes and a banana, I’ll make her sing Xscape songs. Shiiiit.” - Willie Earl Jones, 32, Southeast Washington, DC
“She hella crute. I mean she ain’t got nuffin’ on my guuurl Estha, but you know she do her thang. Did you had seent her in Troyse [she meant Trois, it threw me off too], yeah she was lookin’ good.” - Ashenkashay Vanderbilt, 18, Uptown, NE, DC
“This type of misogyny is exactly what’s wro…” -tape ran out on some nigga on Howard University’s campus, I think his name was Jerome
Streets Are Talking About Christina Milian:
“Dip it low, pick it up slow, move it all around. I like that song.” -Jacinta, 15, Dunbar (DC) High School sophomore
“Young’n, she bad as shit, mo. I’d crack dat azz while listenin’ to some R.E.” -Lil J, 18, Dunbar (DC) High School sophomore
“She’s so fine, there’s not telling where the money went…simply irresistable!!” -Art Farris, 47, electrical engineer, waiting at bus stop, outside of Dunbar (DC) High School
Panama’s Pick: Christina Milian (I’m biased like hell…I love her)
Panama’s Prediction: Kenya Moore
(2) Stacey Dash (def. Tatyana Ali, asswhuppin’ 37-10) vs. (4) Maia Campbell (def. Alicia Keys, spanking 30-16)
Streets Are Talking About Stacey Dash:
“Yo, son, for real, like for real for real, know what I’m sayin’” - James, 23, 1st Street, NW, Ward 5 Bitch (he asked me to put all that)
“She’s a flawless woman who’s managed to maintain her youthful exuberance and playful demeanor through the years. A lovely choice, I hope she does well. She’s got the prettiest smile!” - some Spelman College transplant at Georgetown Law…forgot to get her name and vitals
“Yeah, I really like her. Man, you see the Kanye video?? The dress…the line on her dress bobbing up and down? She got a phatty doggy. She’s still bad. She’s like, like, cold water on a hot day! Can’t nobody touch her. I’m a poet, buy my…” - Laurence, 21, Howard University junior…I don’t care that he’s a poet
Streets Are Talking About Maia Campbell:
“Yo, back in the day, she was the baddest. How the hell her old school as make your list??” - next door neighbor Juco. I have no idea what Juco means.
“Who?” - Lonnie, 14, Dunbar (DC) High School, freshman
“She might be the baddest under the radar over the radar chick you got. She is still bangin’ son. I be watching “In The House” just for her. Now that you mention it, I’d hit off Debbie Allen too.” - Eric, 27, Georgetown Law
Panama’s Pick: Stacey Dash (it’s Stacey Dash for goodness sake)
Panama’s Prediction: Stacey Dash
*****
Well you see what the streets are saying. Time to do your thug thizzle and let the good times roll. And by that I mean vote. Coming up Monday, the Tamara Dobson bracket.
October Madness…it’s like Christmas, only without the gifts, Jesus, and non-judgementalism.
[P.S. Ignore the layout change, JGT is going through an upgrade ~mgmnt]
October 21st, 2005 08:35
Kenya Moore and Stacey Dash.
Two exciting, scrappy games. Both could have gone either way. I’ve never seen two games so evenly matched. In the end, Moore and Dash just wanted it more than Milian and Campbell.
October 21st, 2005 08:53
Kenya Moore
Stacey Dash
October 21st, 2005 09:48
kenya moore
stacey dash
handily…
October 21st, 2005 10:50
Lawd….this round is hard. Would’ve been easier if we could judge them without the make-up.
Kenya
Maia
October 21st, 2005 11:16
Kenya Moore
Stacey Dash
Debbie Allen still pullin cats, well damn!
October 21st, 2005 11:18
kenya and christina…word up, son!
October 21st, 2005 11:40
Kenya
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 11:42
kenya moore
maia campbell
i think Kay missed the point of BRACKETING! i demand a RECOUNT!
October 21st, 2005 11:50
Christina Milian
Stacey Dash
…maybe i’m just a kenya hater, bitter that her ass made it out of the first round.
October 21st, 2005 12:18
this one was easier for me than the a.n.d.y’s site, for some reason…
Kenya Moore-statuesque wins every time
Stacy Dash-nothing else to say, man.
October 21st, 2005 12:21
Kenya
Stacy…i can’t get over how good she still looks!!!
October 21st, 2005 13:46
Kenya and Stacy.
And damn…. that pic of Kenya is one I haven’t seen before. Her ass surely meet the criterion for a phat ass.
And Stacey… I was up on her when she was Richard Pryor’s daughter in tha movie Movin’. It’s the eyes son…. well, the eyes and the ass… and the hair… girl is just bad.
October 21st, 2005 14:07
I’d like to start by pouring out a little for Res who must have lost due to apparent (and insidious) Redbone Bias and being on a label that didn’t market her well. You could eat individual grains of rice off her abs with chopsticks, young. Word to sinewy black rock chicks with plum bottoms.
And now, the anti-climactic pics, since these matchups are obvious:
Kenya
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 14:26
Kenya
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 14:30
Kenya
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 15:26
Kenya
Stacey
this was easy and Halle’s a white girl…
October 21st, 2005 18:10
This got really easy.
Kenya
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 19:01
Christina Milian
Stacey Dash
October 21st, 2005 19:49
Kenya Moore
Stacey Dash
October 21st, 2005 21:48
Christina
Stacey
October 21st, 2005 22:14
kenya, maia
October 21st, 2005 22:56
Kenya/Stacey
October 22nd, 2005 00:34
kenya/ stacey
October 22nd, 2005 03:55
co-sign on the redbone bias re: res’ early elimination… wake up, people!
*kenya (christina didn’t have a chance against her)
*stacey (maia– if you need consolation, holler!)
October 22nd, 2005 06:07
kenya
maia
October 22nd, 2005 14:54
Im gonna have to say Kenya and Stacey.
Stacey has that timeless beauty about her…that heffa is almost in her 40s and she still looks younger than ME!
Kenya Moore is a bangin’ ass chocolate sista and she makes everyone take notice that the whole world of beautiful sistas dont consist of light skin. But Im SO convinced…willing to put my left nipple on it…that she had something done to her butt. Im willing to bet that shit, lock, stock and barrell…she DEFINITELY had some ass surgery.
October 22nd, 2005 15:52
Okay .. this bracket was kinda easy
Kenya
STACY (Was there any doubt? … If she doesn’t make it to the final two something is DEFINITELY wrong)
October 22nd, 2005 17:18
Alright, builtfromwax, sorry I picked the two better looking chicks…
Anyway, I choose Kenya and Maia.
October 22nd, 2005 17:24
Kenya Moore, Stacey Dash.
October 22nd, 2005 20:04
Kenya. (most def. hands down)
Maia. (this one was pretty hard)
=)
October 23rd, 2005 04:57
Kenya
Maia
October 23rd, 2005 11:00
Kenya & Stacey
October 23rd, 2005 21:44
Kenya Moore and Stacey Dash. Why is this even close? Did you even look at the Kenya Moore picture? Even if she was a crack head and I brought her home, moms might be mad but my old man would probably pat me on the back and help with the wedding invitations.
Stacey Dash is like a brand. She is so sexy, classy, cute, and any other compliment. She must be alien cause she hasn’t aged one bit.
Terrell
Boston University School of medicine 09′
October 23rd, 2005 21:44
Kenya Moore and Stacey Dash. Why is this even close? Did you even look at the Kenya Moore picture? Even if she was a crack head and I brought her home, moms might be mad but my old man would probably pat me on the back and help with the wedding invitations.
Stacey Dash is like a brand. She is so sexy, classy, cute, and any other compliment. She must be alien cause she hasn’t aged one bit.
Terrell
Boston University School of medicine 09′
October 24th, 2005 00:42
Kenya and Maia…even if she is a crackhead.
October 25th, 2005 02:45
Christina
Stacey
October 25th, 2005 17:11
Kenya Moore
Stacey Dash
October 26th, 2005 12:41
Christina
Maia
October 26th, 2005 13:37
kenya
DASH
October 26th, 2005 16:24
Christina
Maia
October 27th, 2005 13:51
Kenya
Stacey
October 29th, 2005 02:58
I’m going have to go with Christina Milian and stacey dash. You just can’t even say enough about stacey. She is just too damn fine. If it was seriously possible I would have to give her perfect.
October 30th, 2005 01:29
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November 19th, 2005 04:08
Three phrases should be among the most common in our daily usage. They are: Thank you, I am grateful and I appreciate.
November 21st, 2006 16:46
kaenya moore has the most beautiful body i have ever saw.