[***Updated results at bottom of page as of 1250pm, Wednesday.***]

Welcome to analysis of days 1 and 2 of October Madness, being brought to you by the a.n.d.y. of The Royal Youngs, and Panama Jackson of Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises. Before we get into a bracket by bracket analysis, if you haven’t already done so, please vote.

I’ve invited a special guest to JGT Headquarters today. Today’s guest is not only a scholar, he’s a renowned thinker and philosopher. He’s been asked to come through and give us his opinions on both the brackets and the way the voting has shaped up thus far. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Dr. Hida Mann, Ph.D., OPP, MPP, OB-GYN, NAACP, ASPCA, YMCA, UNLV, MD, and last but not least, ATL.

Without further ado, let’s get into the analysis.

Panama Jackson: Welcome Dr. Mann.

Dr. Mann: Thanks Panama. I appreciate being asked to come here and analyze the total traveshamockery I’ve witnessed in days 1 and 2 of the bracket.

PJ: If you could call me Mr. Jackson, that would be great.

Dr. Mann: Sorry Mr. Jackson. I am for real.

PJ: Sure thing doc. So, I see you just want to jump right in. So, before we get into individual contests, what is your impression overall of the tournament? A lot of women think that it’s misogynistic and quite exploitative. Just hearsay, but it’s been echoed a time or two.

Dr. Mann: I can see that point of view. However, I don’t quite give a shit. Exploitation is the oldest profession, right up there with prostitution and voyeurism. Face it, Adam was scoping Eve. I would however recommend that women create a similar bracket, though it might be the biggest sham ever. Let me fuel the fire by saying that a woman’s tourney would be the most exciting but potentially least realistic competition ever. Biases will abound rendering somebody like Barack Obama, hardly a paragon of modelistic attraction, a Final Four contender. And that just makes no sense. It has evidenced itself in this women’s tournament.

PJ: So you’re saying Barack Obama isn’t a “dime”?

Dr. Mann: Hell no. Not objectively. If you look at his background and charisma and what he’s done for reformed crackheads everywhere, well then, yes, maybe. But what does that have to do with attractive? Nothing, that’s what.

PJ: Good point. Well let’s get into this evidence you speak of represented in this tourney so far. Give me an example.

Dr. Mann: My pleasure. Let’s start with the upset special brewing in the Tamara Dobson bracket. Quickly, I noticed that you didn’t state that Tamara Dobson was Cleopatra Jones, you should have done that. About the upset special, Halle Berry versus Sanaa Lathan. For the life of me I don’t understand how any rational person can objectively say that Sanna is more, what do the young kids say…”bangin’”, than Halle Berry. Sanaa is attractive, clearly, but Halle Berry is Halle Berry. She could have had a bracket named after her and it would have been without dispute. In my educated opinion, she’s a clear champion contender, but she’s in danger of losing in the first round. This is the same reason somebody like Beyonce might not make it to the Final Four, bias.

PJ: Interesting…please, continue.

Dr. Mann: You see, apparently overexposure and the like might knock the both of them clear out of contention because people have been given years to come up with a reason to, justifiably or not, have beef with them. It’s possible for people to overlook their genetics and make beauty determinations based on their perceptions of who these people are. However, this is why somebody like Esther Baxter, who is fine as May wine, could have an easy walk to the finals. Nobody really hates her because she doesn’t get accolades from major media outlets for being gorgeous. For now, she’s a video hoe with video hoe exposure, urban markets.

PJ: I got you, so you think that Esther Baxter is going to take the whole thing?

Dr. Mann: I do. And let me speak on something else here. Ashanti got totally murdered by Esther in Round 1. Not that it doesn’t make sense, but I’m willing to bet that at least 60 percent of that vote for Esther was solely because it was Ashanti. I think she’d lose to a bucket of Mop ‘N Glo.

PJ: You think the hate is that strong?

Dr. Mann: Hell yes. People hate this girl for her very being. I blame Ja Rule and Murder, Inc. for becoming bubblegum and her being folded into the lameness with the fake tough guys. “Clap Back”? Really Ja Rule?? Lame ass. Ashanti can’t sing, but neither can Janet Jackson. Nobody hates on Janet for her voice and Ashanti writes her own songs. Granted, she’s nowhere near as gorgeous as Janet, but the disdain people have for Ashanti makes little sense. You’d think she had SARS or something and if you listen to her album you might catch it.

PJ: I got you. So, let’s get into the brackets. Let’s start with the Jayne Kennedy bracket. What do you think so far?

Dr. Mann: Well, thus far there are no real surprises. Even Kerry Washington versus Kenya Moore isn’t surprising. Kerry is a beautiful young girl and if you saw her in She Hate Me, it’s understandable that she’d be making a charge here. Kenya Moore is gorgeous, granted, but I’ll take Kerry Washington too. Hard choice, especially if you take into account the absolutely shitty acting jobs Kenya has been a party too. I know we’re not supposed to include those, but damn, did you see Trois???

PJ: Yeah, I saw Trois. And thanks for bringing back that painful memory, fucker. As far as Kerry Washingon, I like her too. She could get it.

Dr. Mann: Got that right. The only other thing of note is the Christina Milian versus Res contest. I’m slightly amazed that so many people would take Res over Christina Milian. I’ll take that a step further, I’m amazed so many people know who Res is. Then again, everybody here is somebody who reads and she gained quite a lot of steam from the reading black circuit a few years ago. But wow, I’m just a little surprised that Res might take Christina Milian out. I know Be Cool was bad, but damn. I saw her making it maybe to the Elite Eight.

PJ: So who do you think will make it out of this bracket?

Dr. Mann: My money’s on Kenya to take the whole thing, unless Kerry takes her out, in which case my money is on Stacey “My age is too old to hot box with God” Dash.

PJ: Wow, I don’t think Stacey’s gonna take it but hey, you’re the expert, I’m just a small fish trying to get a nut from a squirrel. So let’s take a look at the Pam Grier bracket. Anything of note here?

Dr. Mann: Well aside from the Ashanti thing, not at all. Esther Baxter should take this one easily. I really like Rosario Dawson though. She’s quite the little hottie. But she isn’t going to make it past the second round, assuming she holds her slim lead here. Everybody else in that bracket is somewhat of an afterthought. I mean, have you seen Paula Patton’s IMDB page? Good gracious, why waste the webspace.

PJ: I see what you mean. I’ve seen extras with more credits. Alright, so what’s your take on the Vanity bracket?

Dr. Mann: Well, like I stated earlier, I think that Beyonce could get knocked out. This was a hard bracket, except for Jacque Reed. I been meaning to ask…how in the hell did she make it? Her and Fantasia look like they bite trees together. Eva Mendes might only make it because of that. I read somewhere that somebody criticized you all because of the inclusion of women like her.

PJ: Yeah, that happened. Apparently some people have problems with the inclusion of some non “black” women on the list. Water under the bridge homey. I pay that kind of stuff no real mind.

Dr. Mann: I think this tournament has a quite a bit of diversity with all the shades and types, or at least that’s the talk around the water cooler. As far as the bracket, Nia Long could be a sleeper and take the whole thing, similar with Nona Gaye. Free is a hot one, but for some reason, women just don’t like her so much. She isn’t the most attractive woman in the face, but she’s the most phat-to-death 37 year old woman I’ve ever seen. As the polls show, there are a lot of people, men and women alike, who would love to see Nia or Nona win. So I’m going to take Nona Gaye.

PJ: That really is a sleeper choice. Onto the last bracket, Tamara Dobson. Break it down doc.

Dr. Mann: This was by far one of the most competitive brackets. You have all kinds of hot women in this bracket. I’ve already spoken on Halle, but as far as the other women go, I think Zoe will take Ciara. Too many people see nothing redeeming about her aside from the fact that she can dance. That won’t take you to the finals. Trya or Meagan? Toss up and neither of them is taking the whole thing. Claudette Ortiz is surprising at a 2 seed since I figured most people forgot about her, but she’s a good one. Won’t beat Halle though. And I like Gabrielle Union, but I just can’t see her beating Claudette.

PJ: So what’s the prediction?

Dr. Mann: Well, I think that if Sanaa beats Halle, which is highly likely, she’s going to take the whole bracket. But if Halle wins, I think those people who didn’t want her to win in the first place will propel Zoe to victory. I just don’t think the women on the bottom half of the bracket have the wherewithall to take out Zoe or Halle.

PJ: So you think its going to be: Esther, Sanaa, Nona, and Kenya.

Dr. Mann: I’ll say Nona or Nia Long in the Vanity Bracket.

PJ: And who’s going to take the whole thing? Give me your prediction.

Dr. Mann: I’m going with Esther against Sanaa, with Esther taking the whole thing. That’s my final answer.

PJ: Well thanks Doc for coming through and blessing us with your predictions. We look forward to seeing how this thing shakes out over the next few days.

Dr. Mann: Thanks for having me…and once again, thanks for having me Mr. Jackson. Once again, sorry about the Panama thing. I forgot you are the top dog around here. My humblest apologies.

PJ: No problem doc, I am for real.

****

As of Wednesday, October 19, 2005, at 1250pm.

Jayne Kennedy Bracket

(1) Kenya Moore: 25
(8) Kerry Washington: 20

(2) Stacey Dash: 35
(7) Tatyana Ali: 10

Tamara Dobson Bracket

(1) Halle Berry: 24
(8) Sanaa Lathan: 22

(2) Claudette Ortiz: 24
(7) Gabrielle Union: 22

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 19th, 2005 at 10:18 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.