Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises Presents…
I had originally planned to set this Friday off with some fun festivities for the masses, however, due to circumstances beyond my control, also known as work, I have some shit that NEEDS to get out the door today. With that said, I’m just going to get folks ready for whats coming up on Monday.
Why put in a preparatory note for Monday? Isn’t this just a blog?
Yes it is just a blog, but Monday, I need your help.
Why?
Good question.
On Monday, Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises is going to have the:
First Monthly, Ever-So-Monthly But Potentially Annually JGT Enterprises Wax On Rap Off!
What is that exactly? Glad you asked.
Out of the sheer boredom of my mind I was thinking one day, “Panama, you oh so sexxy devil you, what would be really fun to do on your blog?” I tend to speak to myself as if I’m about 4 different people at times. Well I said to myself, why not just have a rap battle where I start it off and folks respond in kind in the comments. Truth be told, who HASN’T wanted to be a rapper at some point in their life? And who hasn’t wanted to take a shot at Panama Muhfuckin’??? And most importantly…
…who doesn’t want to have fun?
And best of all, its a total free for all. Everybody can play!! So for the veteran MC’s in the room, dust off your rhyme books, and for the rookies, get ready to kick a dope rhyme…smoooooooooove on the TLC tip! There is no experience required, hell, I tend to suck most of the time. But as long as its all in good fun…hakuna matata bitches, hakuna matata.
The only rule will be to keep it light…though if this was LL Cool J, he would say make it hot. I’m not going to say make it hot, though.
And since I brought up LL, for everybody out there who thinks that they can’t possibly come up with something, just remember this, LL Cool J, the veteran rapper and world-wide sex symbol has actually crafted this as a line on a song:
“touch it why don’t ya/touch it why don’t ya”
and
“paradise is very nice”
Who CAN’T do that??
It’s like butta baby…it’s like sugar y’all.
I’ll even add some instrumentals to the radio blog so that folks can pretend they are writing to something.
And just to kick it off as a little warm up, I’m gonna give you all 8 bars as a sign of good faith.
Ready?? Good. Let’s go.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….
Well nobody can rap quite like I can
yeah I stole that line but I don’t give a damn
cuz the fact that I’m the man helps me sleep at night
and don’t act like you ain’t know homey that ain’t right
cuz at JGT, punks jump up to get beat down
come around here talkin’ that shit and i’ll show you how
so bring your A-game don’t slouch it’s gon’ be bitchin’
and if you can’t stand the heat stay the fuck out the kitchen…
Chuuch!
See…shit ain’t that hard! (O-Dog, Menace II Society, 1993)
****
As another note here, make sure you head over to the newest news site on the Internet, The Insensitive News Syndicate. Are you tired of reading the news from a slanted point of view? Do you want fair and balanced?? Do you want news sources to cut out the gimmicks?? If you answered yes to any of these questions, The INS isn’t for you. If you want to read how shit should ACTUALLY look…head on over. I’m a writer there along with lots of other folks who have a hell of a funny perspective on shit. Get thee to The INS and as a warm-up, check out an article I wrote about some FUCKED up shit that those animal huggers, PETA, pulled.
September 30th, 2005 12:50
Now I’m here to put heat to cats that ain’t able/
All wack flows get banished and disabled/
A cat like me always manage to get mislabled/
But I keep your girl on all fours, balanced like a table/
Rhymes off the top come easy like dumb hoes/
And I keep 3 books full, easy with dumb flows/
Hating and bitching, easily overcome those/
The steez is so greasy, like a bum with no clothes/
Cats is wack like a chick with no ass/
Quick to blow cash/
On a whip that goes fast/
Keep up with me? Lil bro, you won’t last/
I haunt the track like a ghost from yo past/
This verse is done, right now, imma finish it/
Come with a weak rhyme so the kid can diminish it.
September 30th, 2005 13:47
you know they have medication for the whole talkin to yourself thing…unless you actually enjoy it, in which case, carry on!
ohh and I can’t WAIT..I can come out the rap closet with all my dope lines I have been harboring..imma go practice on a message board somewhere first, LOL.
September 30th, 2005 14:41
Didn’t u know that the profeessional rule? You’re on my testicles fool / I got more skillz than a muafuckin’ technical school / and I be rockin’ em, shockin’ em / Flowin’ like 2 atoms of hydrogen and 1 atom of oxygen / In case you didn’t know, that’s H2O-water / I slaughter all the competition with my 6-shooter revolver / Look down the barrel, your chances of survivin’ is narrow / I pull the trigger now tell the devil I said ‚Äúhello‚Äù
September 30th, 2005 16:18
*ahem*
too much time on my hands, so i’m writin’ this verse
you’d think i’d have important things to do, since i’m at work
but first let me warn you, i ain’tcha average rapper
i put words together so by the end, there’s a room full of laughter
yeah, i got jokes but what i find really funny
is how people wanna start record labels on disaster relief money
how women say they luv you and say “baby its all good”
but on the low, low fo’ real fo’ real they sayin’ “i wish a NIGGA would”
i’m killin’ time slowly while on the lookout fo’ my boss
eddie murphy and johnny gill comin’ outta closets like eminem and diana ross
c’mon now y’all, can’t we let them lovers be
they can air it out on Bravo just like bobby and whitney
or better yet UPN, i ain’t got cable or a dish
but i betcha they series last longer than missy elliott’s
or chili and t-boz’s too, so what’s the group’s new name
Tionne and Rozonda featurin’ that Osokrispy dame
September 30th, 2005 19:51
I’m LMAO over here at e’rebody jumpin’ the gun and showing off their skills all early….Hmmm…. *going back into my lab to pull out some old ATL pre-Olympics type lyrics for Monday*