The New Crack…Again
Nobody told me.
Nobody warned me of the euphoric high I’d attain after my first trip round the bend.
Now I feel all alone…
…with the 22 million other people in America who have experienced the other “white” crack.
What is this new form of societal dysfunction?
It’s the Apple iPod.
There I said it.
Hello, my name is Panama Jackson. I just purchased an iPod and I’m addicted.
Help.
Me.
Hey, did you all know that I’m still the sexxiest mofo around? Just thought I’d remind you in case you forgot or decided that just maybe your sex appeal was outshinin’ mine. Fret not…
…we spinnin’ son, we spinnin’.
I just bought an iPod on Monday. Four days ago. And it’s already consumed me. And the worst thing is that I’m so not joking. For instance, in DC, there are certain streets where one must be required to have a parking validation sticker in order to park on the street legally during the hours between 7am-830pm. If your vehicle is registered in DC at that particular address on said street, the parking validation sticker comes with the registration. Parking on a street as stated during said hours could garner you a lovely all-expenses-are-yours ticket from your friendly neighborhood Parking Enforcement Brigade.
I live on one of those such streets and my car isn’t registered in Washington, DC. On Wednesday, I decided I’d chance getting a ticket just so I had a good reason to use my iPod. I walked the 15 minutes to the nearest Metro/Subway stop and publicly transported myself to work and back.
I intentionally flirted with a parking ticket and discerned that it was worth it.
For my new iPod.
Ching Ching Jackpot! I think I’m in love.
When I got to work? I made sure to lock my iPod in my desk drawer just in case somebody decided to sneak into this office and come snooping for my iPod.
It’s made me paranoid.
To take it a step further…while I was adding music to it, I actually began playing favorites with my music, felt guilty, and was afraid of practicing nepotism.
Hmm…I can’t put Jay-Z Reasonable Doubt on here and NOT put Nas’ Illmatic. That wouldn’t be fair to Nas. How can I have Outkast’s ATLiens and NOT have Aquemini on here, that just makes no sense.
Hillary Duff cannot be added before Janet Jackson. She can, however, go before Amerie.
*rimshot*
I swear I felt like I was going to be visited by the iPod Patrol to make sure the albums I had present made sense in some sort of Apple Vacuum.
I’ve only had it for four days.
And to complete the murder, on day two? I decided that the iPod fit into the priority list of people I love the most in my life. My family barely edged out my iPod.
Nobody told me.
I left my iPod at home today and I’m sad, but I had to break myself away from it early so that I don’t become overly addicted. I assume the newness will wear off eventually but good googly moogly this was the best purchase I’ve made in years to include updating my underwear collection from tighty whiteys to boxer briefs.
You have just experienced too much information.
It was also a joke.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
I’m pretty sure I’m one of the last reading individuals in America to purchase one, but man, I’m so happy right now. Shoot, I’m even going to do what I thought I’d never do and take a Greyhound bus to New York just so I can use it for an extended period of time. The Oh So Sexxy Smooth Soul Brotha Panama has decided to leave his trusty car, Black Sweetness, behind because of his iPod.
The sadness of that statement has only just begun to sink in.
Shucks, I even just learned that with 1 click of a button I can buy entire albums from the iTunes Music Store. I might officially go bankrupt in less than a month. I already bought one album, The Five Stairsteps Greatest Hits. It was just so easy I wanted to do it again.
I need help and Jesus is STILL out walking with Kanye protecting him from Secret Service after his statements a few weeks back. Footprints in the sand?? Shoot Kanye has about 15 pair of footprints next to him right now…and they’re all running…from the government. Big ups to Kan The Louis Vuitton Don for stating what he did when he did where he did and how he did.
But I digress.
My name is Panama Jackson and I’m addicted to my iPod.
[*** No new radioblog today, but its coming Monday along with a post that is going to go where no man has gone before. I'm going to attempt to do what no educated, super sexxy, black man has done before. I'm going to make the case for...??? ***]
September 23rd, 2005 10:28
You know you can buy a car adaptor and play it through your speakers. My cd player in my car is becoming obsolete now. I don’t need it, and my radio, well that’s been abandoned, accept on morning shows, and days I forget my iPod adapter.
September 23rd, 2005 10:39
There’s no turning back. The newness never wears off, the ipod simply becomes like an extended limb. Life is better when set to a soundtrack.
We had to sell our ipods a few years ago due to the silliness of owning $1000 in frivilous electronic equipment (the 60gigs were $500 back in the day!) when one of us had recently lost their job…we owned many cheaper mp3 players over the years but nothing has ever measured up, and all were eventually sold on craigslist.
I was recently at the Apple store in downtown Chicago and haven’t been able to get the nano off of my mind ever since. I think it is time to bring the ipod back into my life.
September 23rd, 2005 11:42
Dude… I can SOOOO feel you on this. I just got the Nano yesterday. In black. *raises fist with pride* Train rides to and from work will never be the same.
To think I will never have to listen to random chicks talk about their baby daddies while secretly wishing that someone would just stab me and take me out that misery, thus sending me to heaven…
Now, the Nano takes me to heaven everyday… Sigh.
*off to buy some more albums, wondering if the Best of Hootie and the Blowfish is available*
September 23rd, 2005 11:44
@Will: I know you’re joking about Hootie and ‘nem but I SO added Hootie to my iPod yesterday. I got Cracked Rear View and that sho ’nuff went on my iPod.
Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!!!
September 23rd, 2005 11:53
Everything Apple produces is addictive. I just bought a Mac Mini, I call it “the baby” and when the baby wasn’t working I called my friend and said “Something’s wrong with the baby” like my 2 month old had just lost conciousness or something. But I agree that iTunes is the bomb…I’m glad you could be the first to talk openly about your problem…
September 23rd, 2005 13:22
Ive wanted one BAD but I is el broko and thats not a priority. I may not even chance it now!
So I take it you DIDNT get a ticket? LOL
September 23rd, 2005 13:52
@Grayse: I see I forgot to mention it. No, I didnt get a ticket. I won’t be trying it to often though…but no ticket homeslice!
September 23rd, 2005 15:10
Dude I blogged about buying a Pink Mini iPod back in Feb and let’s just say w/ the hours I spend on airplanes it’s come in handy. A stewardess almost kicked me off the plane in freaking Vienna cause I didn’t want to turn it off. Bitch! anyway sorry yeah that shyt is addictive. I haven’t bought any albums yet but I’ll get some soon.
September 23rd, 2005 20:48
“good googly moogly” Awwww, my dad used to say that. You must Really be elated…
September 23rd, 2005 21:03
Nigga I thought I told u bout the ipod. My dear 20 gig is going on her third year. I wanna retire her for the 60 gig……soon. The nano is tight but way too small for storage. I need all my 4673289 gb of music at my fingertips, thanks.
When its time for u to get ur ipod car adaptor, let me know. I have inside advice on what to get and what not to get. I’m so glad I have two lighter outlets on my car cuz I sho nuff need one for my sidekick and the other for the ipod.
An apple recruitor came to my job today and I was acting like a product groupie around him. Even told him I’ve sucessfully converted some friends. You’re next homie!
September 23rd, 2005 22:41
If you still think your the finest person around, I would like you to post a picture of yourself on your website and let us be the judge of that.
September 24th, 2005 17:19
gotta love the groupies!
September 24th, 2005 22:51
@Fishell: See, I said I was the SEXXIEST, not the finest person around. And I’d provide pictures and all that, potentially thru email, but I ain’t postin’ no pics up here. Shoot, then the feds would show up and lock me in a room with Tupac, Fred Hampton, and all the other folks they took out. Huey Newton too…
Youll just have to take my word for it. Or you can just do what everybody else does…
…ASK ABOUT ME!!!
September 25th, 2005 03:26
You actually listen to Hillary Duff??? Wow. A black man? And you put her ahead of Amerie? You’re kidding right? Please say that was for amusement purposes only.
September 25th, 2005 03:35
Okay, you and those damn commercials, have just convinced me to either buy the Nano tomorrow. 1,000 songs though. That might not be enough. But it’s so CUTE!!! I need one in my life. But then I would clearly never see my husband again for all the downloading.
Oh and why was I totally able to relate to the non-logic you were kicking about your feeling like you were betraying some sort of loyalty by d/ling some artists before others, etc. LOL That is so damn sad. So damn sad.
And umm… there is an adaptor for your car sir. You do realize that??? Maybe I should have said that, you’ll clearly be driving past your exit and taking the scenic route to work now. LOL
Damn, you’ve given the perfect argument for and against this purchase tomorrow. I have an XM Radio already (not installed yet, but I haveo ne) This would just set my driving experience OFF!!! *shaking head* And I’m going to go on a limb and say your prognosis for the novelty wearing off, is really, really, really bad. I used to make 8 tracks when I was 7. I progressed to making mix tapes. And I have a CAR FULL of mix CDs. Music and the ability to hear EXACTLY what you want to hear when you want to hear it… having your own personal, portable jukebox will never, ever, ever get old. Like ever. So suck it up and accept that this obsession with your iPod will only be outweighed by the next greatest invention that comes along.
September 25th, 2005 03:38
So many typos *still detoxing from the alcohol binge I was on this weekend*… please excuse them. You know what I mean to say…
*removing the “either” and adding an n’t to “should”*
September 25th, 2005 16:51
ARGH!!!! I WANT AN IPOD TOO!!!! Ok I just thought I’d inform you that you were not the only person to be without an IPOD. Dammit! I want one too. *spewing hate on you* LOL I’m kidding! I guess I’ll wait until the holiday season when all that shit will go on sale. *sticking out tongue* Heey…so you really like it, eh?
September 25th, 2005 21:47
@Meagan Goode: Yes, I’m joking. I mean I do have Hillary Duff’s album for that song “Come Clean” and that joint is raw. But neither she nor Amerie are gonna make my iPod.
September 26th, 2005 00:17
dammit, i bought the nano on Friday and I’m thinking about taking it back. I like it, it’s nifty as all HELL, but that shit was EXPENSIVE and I’m on that good college budget aka broke as hell.
September 27th, 2005 01:10
welcome, bruh. you’re in for a long and beautiful relationship.