Guest Shots To The Dome #001: Trust In Me
Welcome to the start of the beginning. Today, and on some future days, JGT Enterprises will be blessed with guest entries from folks who have something to say. Some may come from folks you know, others will be from total strangers both to me and you…but still with something they wanted to say.
Without further ado, welcome to…
*dun dun dundun*
GUEST SHOTS TO THE DOME!!!!
The stories are real.
The people and places do exist.
And the history of the world is at stake.
And so it begins, Panama Jackson Presents…
…Alastacia Maria-Maria Lopez.
*******
Who is more trusting in a relationship… men? or Women? That is the question that was posed to me today.
Well this is an easy one… I mean it’s obviously the woman right? Let’s think about this.
A woman will hold shit DOWN!!! She will be at home… scrubbing, dusting, washing, ironing, folding, cooking breakfast, packing lunch and preparing dinner while her man “works late” and goes out of town on “business trips.” So her TRUST MUST be looong.
A woman will IGNORE shit!!! Like the obvious, allll the signs, the warnings of all her friends and even HER OWN INTUITION! So her TRUST MUST be deeeeeep.
A woman is ACCEPTING. She will accept lame excuses, tired explanations, biased character references, weak alibis, feeble apologies AND consolation gifts. So her TRUST MUST be seeeerious.
A woman is UNDERSTANDING. She will understand the lipstick on his clothes, the perfume on his skin, his sudden lack of interest in sex and his extra-defensive behavior. The only reason?? Her trust, her longer, deeper, seeerious trust, for her man.
Right???
Well if you read through this nodding your head, I hate to break it to you… but you’re WRONG!!!
Listen up men… and please listen good.
You ever wonder why, or HOW a woman can take your cheating ass back? You think it’s because she’s stupid? Or maybe you think the dick is JUST that good? Maybe it’s because you have such GREAT spin tactics and can get out of any situation? Nope. Umm… not quite. It’s more like she never trusted yo’ trifling ass in the first place.
Don’t let the screaming, yelling and questions like, “How could you do this to me?” fool you. Sure the initial SHOCK of the realization that you ACTUALLY tried to play her will elicit some tears and possibly some outrageous behavior and some crazy threats… but please know that when she finds out… she’s not really all that surprised. Cuz allll along, in the back of her mind, through all the movies and the matinee plays and Christmas presents and surprise birthday parties and walks on the beach and hour long pillow talks and the dinner parties and conversations with your mother, and the great sex and romantic evenings by the fire… her ass was just wondering WHEN she was gonna have to deal with yo’ shit.
Ladies, ya’ll know this shit is TRUE!!!
*disbelieving smirk for nay-sayers*
Okay, okay, women, if it’s not true then answer this. Have you EVER, seen an unfamiliar number on your caller ID and answered the phone READY with an attitude? And got even FLY-ER when the caller was a woman whose voice you didn’t recognize??? On your CELL PHONE??? Well why? Why? Why???
Why? I’ll tell you why. Cuz you are READY for the drama to begin. Just waiting it out, ready for that other shoe to drop. The shoe you think is inevitable.
And men… your perfect woman? She’s laughing and smiling and telling you how much she loves you and wants to be with you and how she will ride or die with you – but please don’t EVER believe, no matter what she might say, that deep in her little heart, she actually trusts you. I mean she might leave her pocketbook in the room with you alone, or leave her good silverware out when you come to visit, but please believe that she is marking everything you say down and storing that shit in her mental Rolodex, archiving it away for a time she has to recall it.
“Oh, so NOW you went to Miami with Cedric huh? Hmmph well on July 6, 1998, you said you went with Darnell. And I remember it was July 6th because we were having Quintesia’s birthday party and I had on that yellow dress… the one where the zipper was always sticking??? And I remember you said Darnell because after you said it, I asked if Darnell’s wife went because I was trying to picture that fat bitch in a bathing suit. I remember that shit like it was yesterday. So which is it? Did you go with Cedric, or Darnell?”
Sound familiar? Sound like a woman that actually TRUSTS you??? Please.
A woman thinks, “Cheat on me??? Mm-hmm… WHEN will he? Let me find just ONE stray phone number, or one long ass strand of hair in his car. I SWEAR I’mma be ready to wreck shop.” Women don’t trust yo’ asses at all.
Which brings me to the flip side of the coin.
Ladies… you ever wonder why a man can fuck everything on two feet, cry and plead and beg you to stay when you find out (because you ALWAYS will find out *rolling eyes* ) yet the INSTANT he so much as SUSPECTS that you are unfaithful he WALKS??? Leaves yo’ ass high and dry without so much as a blink of the eye???
You might think it’s because men don’t love as hard, or they are wired differently, they’re more logical, less emotional than women… or the myriad of other reasons I’ve heard. But nope. Not so. It’s because… come closer… a little closer…. *whispering* THEY actually TRUSTED you.
And let me clarify that shit just a little bit, because I don’t want you women to think that men trust you because of the representative you introduce them to when you were first dating (because we ALL have our representatives out there in front for the first few months or so… just on our SUPER best behavior). No, don’t get it twisted, the trust they genuinely feel has little or nothing to do with you. I mean, not really. Yeah, of course your representative plays a part in whether or not he deems you to be wife material in the first place… but the TRUST he feels? Yeah, that’s so not you. That is due primarily to his extra-large, king-sized, outrageously huge… EGO.
A man thinks… “Cheat on ME??? Hmmph, WHY??? I pay the bills (or whatever), I take care of HER and my kids, I’m a great father, I remember her birthday, our anniversary, I keep the toilet seat down AND… (and this is where a lot of men are completely delusional) I dick her down WELL and often enough so that she is COMPLETELY satisfied. She has NOTHING to stray for. NO REASON to cheat. None whatsoever. Plus her representative is not that kind of woman. I got a good girl.”
Ahhh men, gotta love their simplicity.
But see ladies, THAT is why it’s so devastating. Because deep down… in his little simple mind… in his heart, in his soul… he truly believed you. Well his ego did.
His ego believed that you’d only slept with 3 men before him. His ego believed that you thought his dick was CLEARLY (X, 2005) a sign of the second coming. His ego believed that you had never given head before your wedding night, because you were “saving something special” for your husband. His ego believed that you never had an orgasm before he came on the scene. His ego believed that it was alcohol that made you able to deep throat him like Pepa did that damn banana the other night on Surreal Life. His ego believed that it was the weed that let you take it up the ass like a champ.
You’re a fabulous wife and a superb mother and that undoubtedly means that it isn’t possible for you…
…his Wonder Woman who’s home, scrubbing, dusting, washing, ironing, folding, cooking breakfast, packing lunch and preparing dinner while he “works late” and goes out of town on “business trips;” ignoring allll the signs, the warnings of all your friends and even your OWN intuition; accepting lame excuses, tired explanations, biased character references, weak alibis, feeble apologies and consolation gifts; “understanding” the lipstick on his clothes, the perfume on his skin, his sudden lack of interest in sex and his extra-defensive behavior… his good girl…
…to EVER even THINK about fucking another man. The realization of your infidelity devastated him… truly devastated him and this made his prompt departure from the relatioship MANDATORY. Because neither he, his gi-normous/hu-gantic ego, nor Lemony Snicket himself, could have foreseen this series of most unfortunate events.
Men… and their egos… undoubtedly the more trusting in a relationship.
*******
Alastacia Maria-Maria Lopez is a freelance stripper from the Lower East Side of Omaha by way of Bulgaria. She enjoys rabbits and all things that make you go hmmm. Alastacia would like to end world hunger and strip for humanity.
So the stories aren’t all real…who knew?
Please have the next guest blogger make some sense. Thank you. Audience.
ROFLMAO@ Alastacia’s bio. Who knew Omaha had a lower east side. LOL Out of control. And look I got a shout out!!! *clapping wildly* Thanks Alastacia!!! =)))
@the first commenter… awww…. you’re so sad. Please I implore you… get a hobby. And while it’s great that you think you can speak for the whole audience, please don’t speak for me. Cuz I prefer not to be spoken for by eunuchs who don’t have the testicular fortitude to even post their names…
Poor thing. I almost feel sorry for you.
This was hilarious…and on point all the same. Bravo.
Maybe Im an idiot b/c:
#1. I actually agree with Alastascia (although her damn bio is OFF THE CHAIN! Does she have a big booty? If shes a dancer, Id hope so….have her email me) and
#2. I didnt know that ONE commenter was speaking for the whole bunch.
I dont understand what DIDNT make sense.
If Mr (or Mrs) “OH PLEASE” could enlighten me, Id greatly appreciate it.
Otherwise, stop posting anonymously, open your own blog (though Im quite certain you already have one) and enlighten the rest of us who actually thought that the stripper made sense.
Not willing? Fall back…..
Anyway, the post itself was hot. Its actually the sad and naked truth. I was telling another blogger that I have (ONLY ONCE, I SWEARRRR) lied to a guy about the # of partners Ive had and he believed it b/c he trusted me. Was I wrong for lying to him, knowing I had his trust? Yes….but I just wanted to see if he would believe it (plus I was much younger at the time). But in my relationships, I have noticed that Ive fully expected a man to ‘mess up’ and lie ’soon,’ so when it was time to have my ‘moment,’ I was prepared for it but still salty all the same.
Good post, Alastascia…if writing doesnt work out for you, please remember that Jia got five on it.
@Jia: I was reading my bio and Panama neglected to mention in my credits that I’m also a part-time profiler.
*channeling “ohPlease”’s profile* Hmm… interesting… I believe that ohPlease is an androgynous, unattractive, insecure and self-loathing blogger who harbors hatred for masculine bloggers with a broader fanbase and a larger female following, probably due to latent homosexuality as evidenced by his propensity for tears. As for the hateration, George Bernard Shaw said, “Hatred is the coward’s revenge for being intimidated.” LOL So to all my haters, I say, “Hate on!”
But there was a question to ohPlease, that even my “Become a Profiler in 2 Weeks” mail-order class couldn’t answer. After reading the name of the fake website “makemereadthisagainandiwillvomit.com”… I was wondering, who MADE you read it the first time? LMAO
And Jia, LOL@”unwilling?” Classic. Just classic. If ever I get my “own” blog, you can guest post for me anyday, and you don’t even have to “make sense.” LOL
Well, I definitely think that you should get your own blog.
What you said made perfect sense to me…
Usually the people who contest are just unwilling to expand their minds…..so childish.
Have a good day and definitely keep me posted on when you guest blog again!!
I thought it was funny. Sad, but funny (perculiar). You know your man may or may not fuck up at any given moment. With that level of distrust why stay? Why bother?
I’d like to be the first man to donate freshly minted dollar bills to the Alastacia Strip for Humanity to End World Hunger Fund!
is there a P.O. Box or somethin’ i can send it to? do you do bachelor parties?
that’s one of the most accurate analysis of the male EGO i done seen. its funny, ‘cuz i was at this political think tank last week and one of the pundits said, “man…i ain’t met a women that ain’t lied yet!” my barber lends credence to your argument that men do wanna trust women.
especially big booty skrippas from Omaha takin’ it all off in the name of endin’ world hunger.
While this joint certainly was entertaining, I couldn’t disagree any further with it. Are guys inehrently more trusting than women, or are women? I don’t think either actually. I dont think there’s some defineable trust threshold for guys and girls. To me, trust, and a nigga or a girl’s ability to be trusting, is more a function of one’s own experiences than some general seperate standard to which you automatically ascribe as a dude or a chic. i’m generalizin’ here, but if yo first girl cheated on you when you was 16, then you probably fall in the harder-to-give-trust category.
do we have egos? sure, but that’s also an individual thing…i’m in a frat and i can say unequivocally that i know just as many big ass headed chics as dudes, and while it (ego) can lend to disbelief when a significant other cheats, i think us dudes deserve a better shake than being relegated to narcissitic, delusional self-nob slobbers when a relationship falls apart and we’re upset at the fallout.
oh yeah, i might not know bout everybody, but it ain’t nothing paricularly simple about my mind or my thought process, so if my world were to cheat on me, you damn right i would be DEVASTATED but it’s certainly b/c i had misperceptions about our foundation and not b/c i think i’m the 2005 version of Shaft.
I am publicly apologizing to Panama for the typos in my earlier comment and am beseeching him in the presence of all of his readers to please make the appropriate corrections. I’m sorry Panama the MOST Muhfukkin!!! =)
“…so if my world were to cheat on me, you damn right i would be DEVASTATED but it’s certainly b/c i had misperceptions about our foundation…”
uh, bruh…that sounds like trust to me. you believed, trusted, had faith – or whatever the hell you wanna call it – in the premise that your relationship was solid. and as a man, you’re gonna be “confident” in your ability to uphold your end of the relationship. you’re in the relationship because you “trust” she’ll do the same.
there ain’t a dude out here who don’t feel he’s worthy of some woman’s affection and attention. e’ry dude feel like “i’m the most Muhfukkin”. i have to stop myself sometimes and wonder, “is it really that hard to refuse all this?”
our confidence – men and women – comes from our sense of self. men who lack self confidence run corporations and governments. women who lack confidence wind up talkin’ about it on talk shows and goin’ thru crazy weight loss programs.
her post is on point and not just for the humor. men have been conditioned to believe that the women we select should be pure and chaste [is that even a word]. all men want that princess in public, but prostitute in private kinda dynamic.
well…prostitutes don’t become pros by turnin’ just their first trick. the “good” ones have experience. you might be the rare dude that wants to know how his “princess” became a “professioinal”.
i plead ego induced delusions…baby, tell me i’m the only one!
Dobre Den Alastacia Kakosi?
Now this was a funny post.
First of all @ Panama, I am digging your blog, first time commenting, even though I picked the day you have a guest blogger, I actually enjoyed what I read from you.
and ummm Alastacia, I don’t know where you went to skripper school, but as a chick, you ain’t supposed to be revealing this kind of thing about us ladies! I’m saying..the game is to be sold NOT told…did Panama pay your ass?!
Sheesh! LOL
At any rate, this theory is on point, and I would add that, women HAVE to keep this type of mentality to maintain any semblence of sanity. If we are to refrain from being trigger happy, then we have to know that ultimately, ANY man is capable of stepping out, so to keep a baseline behavior, we bury the idea deep down, so IF the time comes when things come undone, we are somewhat braced for it. Doesn’t guarantee the female won’t fuck up a car, or burn some clothes, but it can certainly place you in a better place where you can go past the “disbelief” stage and go straight to the “deal with the bullshit” stage. Any woman worth her salt will do her best NOT to have this evolve into a self-fulfilling prophecy as evidenced by turning into the psycho mate, ready to pounce on ANY sign… BUT, honestly, I think we are built to expect it. Some times it helps us deal with things better, sometimes, not so much. Whenever I hear a chick says she was “blindsighted” ..I don’t think, Love is BLIND, I think, love put on some shades and looked the other way….”hoping” for the best.
Oh my lord. Brilliant. Brilliant and so true.
@Edwige – Dobre Den Edwige!!! Dakujem. A Je Mi Dobre. Kakosi???
BRAVO!! Never thought about it this way…here I am thinking I’m a trusting girl, when all along I’ve been living by the popular “I Wish a Nigga WOULD!!!” theory.
I forgot to comment yesterday. Yep, been operating by the “I wish a nigga could” code for years…in true SWATS fashion, I keep my man close and my blade closer.
And I agree, men are DEFINITELY more trusting than women. Not saying that I’m not trustworthy, but I giggle sometimes at how easily they tend to believe what a woman says because of their egos.
@Builtfromwax: let me just say first off, that I am just writing “@builtfromwax” because I am directly addressing your comment and not because I am beefing with you or anything. I had some fake internet beef recently and now I have to give that damn disclaimer…fake internet hardcore negroes…
You start your comment by trying to disprove what Johnny Kwest is saying. But in actuality, you haven’t disproved anything. He never said that he didn’t trust his woman and if she cheated on him, he wouldn’t be devastated because he decided to trust her. He was saying that moreso than his devastation being caused by his ego, it was caused by his misperceptions of the foundation of their relationship. And I am really dumbfounded at how someone can’t understand that may be a legitimate reason as to why someone is hurt by infidelity. Sometimes, it doesn’t come down to a dude being on his own dick as to why he is hurt by his girl cheating. Maybe it is because he really had faith in their relationship…
Secondly, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance. And all guys are not necessarily guaranteed to have either. There are plenty of men and women who lack these traits and who are counter-examples to this post because they have their lack of self-esteem or confidence abused. But even if you have confidence, that does not stop you from being humble and respecting others as you would have them respect you. I am adult enough to try and put that into practice in my own life. So, it is wrong to completely chalk up denial of your significant other’s cheating as ego-induced delusions resulting from over-confidence (aka arrogance). Sometimes it is just as simple as trusting someone because you had no reason not to…the simplest reasons are usually the right reasons…
While I respect Alastacia’s comments, I have to disagree also. It is easy to make these sweeping generalizations about a particular gender, race, religion, whatever…because generalizations allow people to avoid having to assess everyone they meet. They give basic rules that take the effort out of determining people’s character on an individual basis. But generalizations are wrong if they are not general. Unless you are saying something broad like all men have penises (which also might not be a good generalization nowadays), it is not a good practice to group everyone together. That is where stereotypes come in and this particular post is nothing but a stereotype…
I know this post was in all fun and maybe I am taking it a little too seriously, but we often fall in the trap of not realizing the ills of what we do. We hate for people to make generalizations about us, but we do it the first opportunity that we can…
Honestly, this sounds pretty personal to you…I don’t know for sure, but that is how it sounds. And I have seen that when people get hurt, generalizations come about more often because they misjudged the character of the person they were dealing with and would rather have some basic rules so that they don’t have to misjudge any longer. But with all of the factors and experiences that make up a person’s character, you can never completely generalize about a person because there is just as much of a chance that you are wrong as there is that you are right…
Maverick…
i agree with u…
…u are takin’ this too seriously!
the post is an observation – a funny one at that! live a little, laugh a lot! funny observations are why Jerry Sienfeld will never have to work a day in his life…although i don’t find most of his observations funny.
the “observation” was that men trusted more than women do. now…had u recited from the book of “Gin and Juice” verse 1, stanza 4, line 14 that “we don’t love dem hoes…”, i’d say damn that’s gangsta!
but men do operate on the “She Ain’t Gon’ Do a Muhffukin’ Thang” theory. if someone asks a man, “what would you do if your woman cheated on you?” and he responds in the following:
1) “nah, i ain’t givin’ her a reason to do that”
2) “psst…whatever! she ain’t crazy”
3) “hmmm…i don’t know. never thought about that”
these are all derivatives of the “She Ain’t Gon’ Do a Muhffukin’ Thang” theory. arrogance, confidence…you can split semantic hairs all day. ‘cuz the very next question after those statements will be…
“why would she do that to ME!?”
oh “me” or “i”, that ego is speakin’ loud and clear!
Builtfromwax, I understand that this is all in fun, but at the same time, everyone is cosigning this joint like it is the gospel. I understand that people are going to agree and disagree about it…I just disagree…I know that the writer has his/her opinion. I just try to stray away from generalizations and stereotypes…
As for the third response, how is that confidence/arrogance? To sit up and say that you hadn’t thought about it…perhaps that is because you really trust someone. I don’t necessarily see what is arrogant about that. If the reason that you thought number 3 is because of number 1 or 2, that is one thing. But damn, aren’t we being a little judgemental here? To sit up and say that I never considered my girl to cheat on me and then say that I didn’t consider it because I am conceited, that just really doesn’t make too much sense to me. And the reason that I am disagreeing is because everyone is acting like it makes perfect sense. There are more scenarios out there than the ones that are being listed in this post…that is all I am saying. There are dudes who probably fit everything that was said…but there are dudes who don’t. So for this post to kinda come across as the “Trust Bible” as some people seem to be taking it, and making it as if this applies to every guy, that is what I disagree with…
@Builtfromwax… ironically, the end of my post ORIGINALLY was, “After all… she’s with ME!!!” LOL So you hit that shit dead on… at least for me anyway.
@Maverick… why is it not okay that people cosign it like it’s the gospel?? Maybe it is for them. I mean it’s okay that you disagree, why is it not okay that people cosign if that’s been their experience???
Like you said, this post, was meant to be light-hearted and funny. When I asked Panama if I could be a guest poster, he gave me the alias, wrote my bio, and gave me a topic and one rule… that I be off the chain with it and write it like I was trying to crack myself up. That was excellent direction… because I succeeded.
I love the dialog that this post spurred… well except for the very first comment at the butt-crack of dawn from someone who hates me, yet sweats me so hard that they recognized my writing. Poor thing. But yeah, I love most of the conversation this post spurred because I think it’s a different way to look at what we perceive as “trust.” And in the end… what is “trust” anyway? I mean what is it really? Because every one knows that humans are capable of failure and disappointing behavior since they are inherently mperfect creatures. So what is “trust” for some maybe it is EGO… for others, maybe it’s a face we put on while we wait for the other shoe to drop.
But all this post was, was an observation… from my point of view… and I was off the hook with it and wrote it trying to crack myself up. But never did I write it, intending anyone to take what I said as gospel… only to read it, chuckle and either agree, or disagree.
*picking up singles off the floor and ducking backstage*
Makes sense. Smile
Alastacia, I agree with you…
YAY this is my first time on Panama’s blog…Hi, I feel like I know you
hehehe
anywhoo.com…
I knew Maria Maria and nem was X becasue it was LONGGGG!
lol
I remember I was in a relationship where I cheated my *hoo hoo* off and he was sooo trusting……alas, men can be more trusting than women
This post is mad funny. I IM’d a few of my friends to read this, one of them calls back and is just laughing hysterically. So we finished reading the rest of the blog on the phone. It’s funny and truthful, all at the same time. Here I was, thinking that I was the most trusting person in a relationship, when in truth, I was waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop.
In the past, I’ve said “I don’t trust anyone, just wanna believe they wouldn’t go that route with me”. That was a half-assed comment on my part, but little did I know, I was really living by it. Like “You have cheated on me. It’s official. You’re an ass. Your spade partner looks right sexy with a baldy. The beer is in the fridge, I’m ordering pizza tonight, now let’s move on”.