Fucked Up. noun/adjective. the art of doing something or participating in something that is completely and totally not right as defined by the good Black Folks of America council situated somewhere in downtown Washington, DC, Detroit, Atlanta, Mississippi, or enclave where Black people occupy more than 65% of the population
There’s a war going on outside that no man is safe from. And that war is found on one of the few venues for entertainment that I actually tend to find amusing on most occasions. That war is on MTV and can be found in the form of Ashton Kuchter’s show Punk’d.
Black people, especially you rappers out there, watch your back homiez. And yes the “z” was put there to signifiy that I was talking to the urban (read: black) generation who are adept at misspelling simple things such as that, the, and them (dat, da, and dem, respectively) and somehow consistantly using “z” instead of the mandatory “s” that accompanies most plural forms of words. It is beautiful the ability of black folks to recreate shit that is already set in stone.
As pre-grits Al Green says, it’s simply beautiful.
I’m a fan of Punk’d. Nothing can top the ability to see how these celebrities, who are notorious for their fake ass public personas, act when confronted with situations that would frazzle even the most normal human being. For instance, the Omarion/Marques Houston episode was priceless to me. If you didn’t see it, a young lady claimed to have been impregnated by Omarion, who quickly dipped out of the area, and Marques Houston (also known as MH) was forced to discuss the pregnancy with the woman. Honestly, that shit was funny. Or the John Heder (of Napolean Dynamite fame, which is consequently one of the worst fuckin’ films EVER, and I’ve seen the independent films Trois AND Pandora’s Box) episode where they were caught in a “cathouse.”
Classic shit.
However, every now and then…Ashton and company go to fuckin’ far. I know its all jokes and everything, but sometimes, you really are tapping into some people’s worst fears. For instance, and I’m not making excuses for any of those folks affected behaviors here, but shit, when you got rappers or hell black folks who are from less than favorable conditions and you bring the police into the picture and make it seem like somebody might go to jail on some federal shit, well, now you’re just being mean.
And yes I’m playing the black man versus the police card here. If you got beef with it fuck you and die.
Now its not always the case where it seems like somebody might go to jail. For instance, when Outkast’s driver allegedly drove a Bentley (or maybe it was a Maybach) into a storefront window, well that was funny. Mostly because it was about who was going to pay the close to $500,000 costs for the damages and the car. Seeing Andre 3000 tell the fake cop that he was Bruce Banner was pure comedy. He promptly got on his cell phone and let Big Boi do all the talking. NOW you see why Dre couldn’t run a record label to save his life. That nigga says fuck it to controversy and let’s others handle things.
However, this weekend, I saw on reruns an episode of Punk’d that featured a sketch that was just FUCKED UP. And this feature included none other than your ACTUAL favorite rapper’s favorite rapper, T.I. from that Westside of Atlanta.
The basis of this punk was that T.I. was boarding a plane to make some engagement somewhere and while the baggage handler was placing T.I. and his boyz luggage on board, a bag with some contraband of the illegal variety, that would tip off a police dog, would be placed amongst the bags. I’m sure you can figure out what happened next. The dog barks. Everybody off the plane. Who owns the bag? What’s in the bag?
Now this might be funny to those on the outside looking in seeing as most of us don’t have criminal records and DIDN’T JUST GET OUT OF JAIL EARLY AND ARE CLEARLY ON PROBATION. But let us not forget that T.I. JUST got out of jail a few months ago. This nigga is still on probation. And you’re going to play with this fool by making him think that some drugs or something illegal might be on his flight and THEN put the blame on him????
Through the whole sketch, you could see how worried T.I. was. He kept trying to shut his boys up and get them to cooperate and be as honest as possible. Essentially, this cat was thinking his life was on the line here on some humble shit that had nothing to do with him. When one of his boys told the cop that the bag was T.I.’s…well, he looked like he could have killed him.
Which brings me to another point. His boys are FUCKED UP. How do you set your boy up with the POLICE???? Knowing that this nigga is on probation and will be scared shitless of having to go back to jail. Yeah he has a video where he’s in jail and he ain’t “never scared”.
Yeah yeah.
But that shit is a video. Now you got him thinking he might go to jail because out of the bag comes some what???
Bullets. Yes, bullets.
Bullets tend to go with guns. Guns would be a violation of his probation. How do I know this??? Nigga, if you are a felon, owning a gun is ALWAYS a direct violation of your probation.
Bullets=Gun=direct violation of probation=JAIL BITCH.
So MTV and his boys decided it was a good idea to fuck with T.I. like THAT??? I mean really, that’s just wrong to utmost level of wrongticity. When Ashton came out, T.I. wasn’t relieved, he was pissed. With every right to be pissed. These niggas decided to play with his freedom on some joke shit?? Lisa Leslie gets to feel bad because a midget knocks over a tall LA style space heater. Some Russian chick gets to have beef over a fake black and white dog stuck in the gutter. But T.I., a dude who is on probation (which he informs us is for 7 years) gets to feel worried and concerned that on some shit that ain’t even his, he might go to jail.
REAL JAIL.
FEDERAL jail.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is fucked up.
I’m usually a fan of Punk’d but that stunt crossed the line. You’d think that after the D12 episode they would have learned that black folks don’t necessarily do to well with cops when it comes to potential jail time. These are folks who are doing well and living well, finally, and you gonna fuck around with their freedom??? On some joke shit?
So to MTV, Ashton, and T.I.’s fucked up boyz…fuck you. You’ve suceeded in trying to make a black man look like a punk.
Good.
Damn.
Job.
I didn’t see that episode, but that really isn’t funny at all. I too, love to watch Punk’d but there is something to be said about the types of stunts that are pulled and who they are pulled on. The fact that someone thought it to be funny to create some sort of a plan to punk T.I that dealt directly with an issue that is likely a sore spot for him, really shows some sort of malice in my eyes. Thankfully, T.I. (i’ll assume) wasn’t carrying anything that might have resulted in him actually going back to the slammer.
I stopped watching punk a while ago because the show stopped being funny to me and just became annoying.
yeah i saw the episode with TI. I was not too fond. ashton always got the police involved when it’s a Black celeb. i thought he sort of pushed the envelope on that one and it turned out to not even be that funny. he needs to call it quits and move on.
Cus white folks think Black folks’ fear of going to jail is unrealistic. So they think it’s mad-funny. Knowing people in Federal-f*ck-you-in-the-ass jail, I don’t find it funny at all!!
You would think that a publicist, manager, baby momma, SOMEBODY, would have prevented that kind of prank to be played on TI. Next season, they might as well have niggas with their eyes bugged out and turning white from fright…
Honestly, I ain’t even mad at Ashton for this. All celebs on the show have a say if they’re prank gets aired or not. If it was really that deep to them, they’d all band together and NOT sign the release to let the episodes air. That would show Ashton to stop fuckin with us. But they don’t and they probably won’t, because like I said, it ain’t that deep.
Good. Damn. Job. My fucking ass bitch. I bet if it was a goddamn white boy you woulda been all compainin and shit. And don’t be hatin cuz black people spell words ghetto. Just cuz your country folk white ass wanna fucking be black bitch.
Umm…Tanya…I don’t know you and all, but what in the shit are you talking about??
Apparently, the finer parts of sarcasm have totally eluded you.
The “Good. Damn. Job.” you are referring to was sarcasm. I suppose you’d know that if you read the rest of the joint and noticed how I think that MTV and Ashton were FUCKED up for doing that to TI.
And umm…darling, I am black…dumb ass.