I’m in the process of moving right now and it’s a royal pain in the ass. Honestly, moving has managed to creep its way up to number two on the list, with getting my nether regions caught in a fan being number one, as things I look the least forward to in life. As with any big move you come across a lot of trash and things that you just cannot keep for whatever reason.
Such is the case with my couch.
You see, I’m moving into a basement apartment. For those unfamiliar with basement apartments, it’s merely what used to be slave quarters or servant quarters beneath a house. It’s a complete apartment, just beneath the main house. Hence the term basement. For those educated scholars who are like, “do Panama think we dumb or sumfin and don’t e’en know what a basement apartment be like???”, you’d be amazed to learn how many people have asked me…umm, what’s a basement apartment.
But I digress.
So the entryway to my new place is kind of small; small enough that anybody who could be nicknamed Tubby just ain’t coming over and getting stuck in my entryway, then getting mad when I point and laugh. Two things of mine, due to the laws of physics, gravity, and depth perception, would not fit through my entryway, and furthermore into my new door. Those two things are my couch and my mattress box spring. The latter which caused a grown ass man to be seriously disheartened.
So the angel in me decided to do what any benevolentminded individual would do, donate the couch and a computer desk I still have but no longer wanted to charity. There are lots of organizations that need slightly used, apparently ugly (which I only realized after I was told by numerous people, “you know Panama, that’s one ugly couch”, when to me the fact that it was free made it absolutely beautiful, in an inner beauty Hunchback of Notre Dame kind of way)…right??
Right???
If the answer to that question is yes, why in the HELL am I having so much trouble finding an organization to come and pick up my couch?
Let me give you a quick breakdown of the Panama Benevolence Project (PBP) and the dead ends I’ve encountered. I’ve hit up numerous websites to determine what organizations might be in need of furniture and guess what?? Nearly all of them want couches.
Check.
On said websites for these organizations, many of them state that they have pickup services. Glory day…I NEED pick up services.
Check.
PBP: Tuesday, July 26, 10:43 a.m.
Call to Salvation Army of Washington, DC (located in Riverdale, MD)
Salvation Army: Hello, this is *black name here*, how can I help you?
Philanthropic Panama: Yes sir, my name is Panama AKA Big Sexxy Smoove Soul Brutha #2, and I’d like to donate a couch and a computer desk to help the people of the world because I believe that if you can give you should give, and besides I’m moving and this couch won’t fit through my new door.
Salvation Army: What’s your zip code?
Philanthropic Panama: My zip code is 20782.
Salvation Army: We don’t pick up in that zip code. Thanks for calling and feel free to drop off your couch when you have some spare time. The Salvation Army appreciates your donation.
*click*
Philanthropic Panama (still holding phone): *befuddled look on face*
Exsqueeze me?? Did I just get the Dominoes Pizza We Don’t Deliver To Neighborhoods We’ve Been Jacked In Policy treatment?? You don’t pick up in my ZIP CODE? I assume its due to lack of resources or something since the location that does pickups and dropoffs is like two towns over so why waste gas and time for a 1o minute trip when you have places 30 minutes or farther you must get to, but to me that means you don’t have much to go out of your way.
I’m trying to give away free goods here. Free. I don’t even need the tax writeoff. As opposed to just sitting the couch on the street, I’m hoping it will go to somebody who needs it. But nope. Not at the Salvation Army it won’t.
Same thing with Goodwill. I’ve called at least two other places and gotten similar responses. You’re too close, we don’t do pickups there. Apparently, those in need aren’t as needy as we think they are if charitable organizations that claim to pick up furniture from homes can be picky and choosy about where they get their items from. And here I am thinking people in need actually need things. How wrong was I?
In my mind, if you’re a charitable organization that does indeed pick up goods, then you should, well, pick up goods regardless of where they are located. There is no good reason that just because I’m close to where you are, you WON’T come pick up some goods that might be put to good use by somebody who actually needs a couch.
I’m still not going to just put my couch on the road for anybody come pick up since I’m determined that it should go somewhere that a person who really needs it can benefit, but good googly moogly. How much trouble does one have to go through nowadays to freakin’ DONATE something. That’s all I want to do.
Make a donation.
But I live in the wrong zip code…
…as if a person in need really cares.
[***EDIT (July 27, 2005; 1212 p.m.): The PBP has just been rejected from donating this couch from two more outlets specializing in providing the homeless, abused, and/or refugeed. I'm starting to take this personal. Apparently, needs have all been met.***]
This reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld wher Elaine and Kramer got a great idea to donate muffin tops to the homeless shelter…And the homeless shelter worker chick didn’t want them…Try battered women’s shelters.
Kajuana, that was a funny as hell episode. Who the hell wants muffin tops?
Not that your couch is a muffin top, but, I’m sure somebody will take it!
Moving is a huge inconvenience, I know, I just did it. Maybe try putting up a listing in the free section of Craigslist. That might work?
This is horrible. Just awful. I really could have used that couch, man. Be damned. I’m joking about the “be damned” part…kinda.
uhh, yeah playa you can Fedex that couch to LA for me. I need one ASAP!
I must say that I hold that couch, as well as that box spring, very dear to my heart. Ugly it was not. It helped house many guests on vacations or late club nights. And the fact that it was free made it extra special and extra beautiful. I think we should have a going home service for it…and the box spring too.
Folks kill me…even if you put it out someone who needs it … with a truck … will get it.
Ditto what Ethel said about CraigsList, and on a personal note, Ethel, welcome back!
Zachariah Stroller, I feel your pain. My parents just sold their house and had to get rid of unnecessary furniture. The Salvation Army actually did pick up in their area, but came and took one look at the couch (which was some years old) and said, “No thanks.”
How are you gonna to be a bourgeosie nonprofit?!! Seriously, though…Craig and his list, that’s the way to go. I’ve gotten rid of more junk that way.
LMAO dude the Salvation Army is one of the richest non profits in this country they don’t have time for you and your couch.
I often wonder who makes up those zoning/zipcode policies.
I had the same thing happen to me. The Salvation Army is DIRECTLY across the street from my house and they wouldn’t come get it. I don’t have a truck, so I’d finally gotten some friends to borrow a truck and take it over there. They then told me that it was PAST THE TIME FOR DONATIONS (although they were open for another hour).
My friends and I waited until the store closed, then we broke in and put the couch and love seat in front of the store…blocking the front door. LOL!
The Salvation Army SUCKS!
Young….you are so on point – it’s unreal! You are funny as a mug joe. I did the same thing, trying to donate many items, including house wares, children items, men and women’s clothing – gently used and well maintained stuff. It was around the holidays, the time of year most of us think about donating, and I was thinking surely the need would be increased and much more well received during this time of year. I too called around to many of the well-known organizations you mentioned as well as some of the lesser known charities and shelters and do you know I was told that they were ONLY exception cash donations???? But you’re a charity I replied. You ask for donations all year. I was told more than once that it was Christmas and that everyone likes to receive new things at Christmas. Are you shittin’ me? If you’re in need of something, and you receive it, that makes it new to you, right? I was so disheartened by the whole process and when I saw your blog, it confirmed that it wasn’t just me. The system is bass-ackwards and the hypocrisy abounds abundantly. REE-dik-u-lus! Thanks for sharing your thoughts man. Your joints are hilarious.