The What: No Money, Mo’ Problems
Random thoughts…how do I love thee??
For me, random thoughts occur constantly over the course of the day. From the moment you wake up and notice that spot on the wall that happens to be a spider or roach-like bug and automatically start thinking about how much better the movie Spider-Man 2 would have been if I had been given a red and blue tight suit instead of Tobey Maguire except I’d only work in Harlem until I was robbed and/or killed by Cam’ron in a pink and purple horrible clashtastic spiderman suit while he says “i’ve got computers putin’” over and over again.
SPLAT!! Goes the bug thats on my wall!
SPLAT!! Goes the eyes and legs, watch them fall!
I do nursery rhymes and am available for parties.
Well some of my random thoughts tend to flounder in the realm of society and social problems. And you know, fixing them. You see, I’m in the business of change.
Can you say “chaaaaaaaaaaaaaange?”
(*congregation says “chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange!”)
Let us all say, “Yay-men”!
You know, I’m really going nowhere with that last part at all. So…
…technology.
On one particular day as I was perusing past the same homeless guy I mistakenly referred to as my role model, I began to pontificate on the fact that I didn’t have any change to give him. Being as I used to always have change, I wondered why I often had nothing to offer him…you know, aside from the singles, fives, tens, twenties, and hunnids I bes carryin’ (I’m so lying).
That’s when it dawned on me. The homeless guy’s income has decreased due to technology. He’s sitting in the prime location to be the recipient of lose pocket change. He’s betwixt a McDonald’s, a Quizno’s, and a Wall Street Deli. Perfecto. But the problem is…
…they all take debit cards!
HOLY SHITCAKES BATMAN!!!
Homeless people everywhere are suffering because of the arrogance of humanity. We’ve decided to let technology and our ability to carry less money around and simultaneously reduce our chances of being robbed for major duckets, cause distress to homeless people everywhere. They wait for change…but we have none.
It often hurts my feelings when I don’t have any change to give my Homeless Hero. Actually, it only hurts because my homeless guy is a really nice person. He always speaks to people and offers nice words and it pisses me off when folks ignore him. I’m telling you, if I owned a business, I’d hire him to work the front desk. Okay, maybe not…but it was another random thought.
Back to technology and its effect on beggars.
Ever since the advent of ATM/Debit Card machines at restaurants and small stores, cash has become less and less necessary. I know people who carry about 2 dollars on them at all times. If you have two dollars on you, it means you pick and chose when you’re gonna use that 2 dollars. You only use it when its at its most uppermost necessaryational.
[***Sidenote: You know how when you can't think of how to properly use a word, you tend to use a different one? Not me. Nope. I just build on to the word until it sounds like it fits, regardless, of whether or not it actually makes any sense whatsoever. It's how I come up with words like pisstasticnatiousness which really only means, fantastically pissed off-like. Hmm...I read good. Thank you.***]
[***Another Sidenote: Maybe I have low expectations, but I get really proud when I hear black people use the term "regardless" correctly. It ain't "irregardless" but I swear you'd think that shit was in the Black National "I Speak So Well" Handbook or some shit. To all my black folks who can use "regardless" properly, I salute you.***]
So if cash is less necessary, then that means people have less change. Less change means less money to offer to beggars and panhandlers, who are really the same people, so I’m not sure why I made it seem like they were two different groups however because Puffy told us that it can’t stop and it won’t stop I figured that I’d just keep it moving and keep writing though it seems like I’ve completely lost my mind at this point well bitch its because I have. It’s no wonder that homeless people everywhere are beginning to look a little thinner. They have been receiving less nourishment because we aren’t giving them change anymore. I almost wonder if a study has ever been done to test this effect. It seems like a study worth undertaking.
Think about this even further. If I don’t have any money, and I’m homeless, and a beggar, and you don’t have any change which means I don’t have any change…eventually I’m going to jack your ass. Survival of the Fittest, at your service. At some point, I’m going to be required to supply myself with a means of eating. Hunger pangs are horrible…gettin’ stabbed by a homeless guy because you didn’t have a quarter?? Priceless.
Hmm…seeing many homeless people outside also makes me think that jail REALLY isn’t somewhere I’d want to go. Not that I’ve had romanticized thoughts about going to jail or anything, but think about this shit for a moment. If I was homeless, I’d think that I would just commit some kind of petty crime so I could get locked up. But nope…the folks outside who seem to be down on their luck are there everyday, crime-less. Or maybe that just says something about the intrinsic moral code we live by. Don’t jack anybody unless completely necessary. Could be…
Bottom line here is this: you arrogant bastards who use technological advancements to pay for your sandwiches from Quizno’s are making life difficult for homeless people everywhere.
This pointless and completely drivelfilled random post has been brought to you by the hungry ass Panama D. Jackson.
Ridiculously uncoordinated entries? Another side effect of hunger.
I’m getting a Snickers.
you’re silly.
i dont like givikn to the homeless folks cuz sometimes they be kirkin out on me, so to avoid the drama I just ignore them. unless it’s that nice homeless man on Newberry Street who told me my hair looked good that one day. I’d talk to him!
You’re crazy! So funny!
I give to the homeless if I have it to give. If not, I say a little prayer for themand thank God it ain’t me.
Hope you had a wonderful weekend!
I’ve contemplated this phenomenon as well and I came up with two solutions, neither of which are very good but until a homeless Einstein rears his nappy head or her toothless gums, they shall stand:
1) Homeless people need to pool their resources and obtain debit machines for their tin cans. That way a donator can swipe his card and provide homeless people with 53 cents without actually having the change. Additionally, the homeless folks can configure said debit machine to capture the card credentials and the PIN number and access the donator’s account at will…
or 2) Homeless people should hang out by ATM machines and solicit muhfuckas for money there. That way they are assured nothing less than a ten since debit machines no longer spit out fives like they did in the old days. Sure, less people will donate from the ATM, but for every hit you can afford more losses since the hits are bigger.
Just a thought…
my bad, didn’t mean to blog in your blog…
Hmm… I have never pondered the effects that technology and the debit-card-carrying society might have on the homeless. Interesting. But damn BC has made me nostalgic for the Chase Manhattan ATM at Hugh Grant Circle (Parkchester Train Station) that would give you CHANGE. Not just a $5 or a $1… but some shit to the RIGHT of a decimal type shit. It had a little change cup… so if your account only had 8.53 in it? Guess what… yo’ ass could STILL eat lunch that day without embarrassing itself on the teller line with a check for $7.00. Hmmph… and don’t act like you’ve NEVER been there.
*sigh* Technology. The King of double edged swords.
Speaking of homeless people asking you for money, i was on my way back from New York one night, and no I didn’t have any money. I didn’t even have my debit card, because I forgot it in ATL. But homeless guy noticed that my girl had her debit card in her wallet, that her dumb butt pulled out in an attempt to fake like she had no money either, but oh no, the homeless dude saw the debit card and was like yo, “I couldn’t help but notice you had a debit card in your wallet. There is an ATM right up the street that you could go to and take some money out for me.” THE HELL! No he didn’t just ask my friend to go to the ATM and take him out some money, and he was so serious. Stayed there for a good 15 minutes harrasing us, trying to convince my girl that it was a good idea.
I was getting off of the New Hampshire exit in Silver Spring, MD. There’s this one guy whose always there and people give him money. Not me, because I don’t roll my windows down for shyt–it’s crime out there! This weekend, I forget what day, he got up, walked over to the SUV in front of me, engaged in conversation with the female drive. All the while, rolling a joint!!! Da hell? How fair is it that the homeless man is getting money and getting his free “lift” on when my friends (I don’t “lift” thankyouverymuich.)who “lift” have to spend their hard earned money to do so?? And all this homeless guy has to do is beg!!! Wait tell I tell my friends.
I really have no idea why I don’t give change to people who ask for it, but in addition to being cynical about everything, I think it is partially because of the completely lame, stupid thoughts that go through my head after I’ve given someone money.
I wanted to stab myself in the eye with the nearest blunt object the last time I gave a guy money and then continued my walk home thinking, “That guy doesn’t know what broke is…I’m $50,000 in student loan debt, my husband’s unemployed and we owe every credit card company on earth three months of our salary.”
And even as I look back on it, it is true and makes for some kind of a good argument in my mind…but in reality, I know it is a very ignorant and naive and evil thing for me to think.
The point you are making is very valid, lol. Something I have never thought about like that though. I am on the same page with you when people say irregardless…….it’s almost as bad as conversate! Man, it urks me when people say that!