[***EDIT: As I forgot this earlier, I'd like to go on the record as officially starting the Alpha Chapter of NWDGASATC (Negroes Who Don't Give A Shit About Tom Cruise). Our first order of business?? Banning him from every got damn black function. I don't get it. Why is he at EVERY BLACK FUNCTION. Shit, wasn't Garth Brooks enough...at least he had some soul!?!?! We're accepting applications now for more city chapters which also includes a "Fuck Tom and Katie, I like Pacey" bumper sticker!***]
The BET Awards were last night.
I watched them.
I don’t hate myself this morning for watching BET. In fact, I was, dare I say, entertained. Hell, even the commercials advertising the BET Awards were entertaining. Will and Jada are funny as two monkey’s gyrating on a merry go round together and made a great hosting team. And with Will throwing in white folk jokes all night long, well, I might have to call this award show a…success.
But of course its BET, so there were problems, which I’ll get to that later. BUT, as stated, the actual show was fine, save a few lackluster ass performances. Actually, just one lackluster ass performance:
Mariah Carey.
Good God.
I know SOMEbody got cursed out backstage after that piss poor exhibit of vocal craptasticness. She sounded like she mailed that performance in from Vallejo or somewhere, and had a big breasted chubby faced clone just stand there and mouth the words. She fought throught it and all but damn…Mike Tyson put up a better fight when he got his ass beat two weeks ago.
[***Sidenote: Admit it, wasn't Omarion's performance good??? Everybody was hating...but I learned ya!! The boy can dance his ass off. This makes me think that he and Usher need to have a dance off. I'm not saying that Omarion would beat Usher, I do think he'd give him a run for his money though. Also...did anybody notice that the chick from the "Touch" video somehow miraculously grew an ass for this performance? I was informed that it was because she had heels on which I guess adds some curvature, but I can't even watch the "Touch" video because her nosatal offends me so. What, was she the only video hoe available in Hollywood that day so you just settled??? Huh, Omarion?? Huh???? Sheesh.***]
[***Another Sidenote: Though the awards show was cool, we STILL got to do mo' better about who we nominate for awards. Good gotdamn. Anthony Hamilton, who released an album in September 2003 is still getting nominated for shit?? For real?? Kanye West STILL gets nominated for Best Gospel Song for "Jesus Walks". Somebody needs to be fired for this. Or at least dangled from a building Big Red style until they get the shit right. ONLY NOMINATE MUHFUCKAS WHO WERE RELEVANT IN THE LAST FISCAL YEAR. QUIT NOMINATING KANYE WEST FOR GOSPEL ANYTHING. THE NIGGA CURSES IN THE DAMN SONG, AND I GIVE A SHIT THAT ITS A QUOTE.***]
By the way, if you don’t get the Big Red reference, never ever speak to me in real life.
One particular performance though, brought to light a problem we have in the black community. John Legend performed “Ordinary People.” It’s a great song and he offered up a good vocal performance. Then all of a sudden you realize that somebody is still singing but John Legend’s mouth isn’t moving. What the shit?? Oooooooh…THIS nigga.
Dammit.
The lights come up and there he is in all of his head bobbing, longhairded glory: Steveland Morris AKA Stevie Wonder. Now I know its damn near blasphemous to speak ill of Stevie Wonder, but for real…
…can somebody retire this nigga’s jersey or something?? And while we’re at it, can somebody retire Smokey Robinson’s jersey too??
My people, these two negroes are proof positive that sometimes we just don’t know when to throw in the towel. I ain’t saying that Stevie can’t perform anymore, but just don’t sing. Shit. You sound like ass ducks…waddling ass ducks. You too Smokey. That falsetto ain’t so hot with age now, is it?? And since I’m pissing people off right now…I’d like to go ahead and say that I hate that damn “What The Fuss?” song.
AND…
…y’all niggas can’t tell me Stevie can’t see anymore. You see him doing the dance routine up there??? He only does that head bob thing now because that’s what we expect. Stevie can see. He had a coordinated routine!!!! He even hit that little, “i’m hard and still in prison” stance at the end of the performance, which looked less like he was hard and more like he was 4. But it was a good try.
This is a trend with our peformers though. They don’t know when to just lay down the gauntlet. I’ll admit, music today isn’t what it could be, but that is no excuse to feel the need to save us from ourselves when you don’t sound that good. For the record, Stevie Wonder never had the best voice.
Let me say that again for all you delusional people out there.
STEVIE WONDER NEVER HAD THE BEST VOICE.
But now it just sounds worse.
You know what…as entertaining as he is, this goes out to Maurice White of Earth, Wind, and Fire too. Ron Isley…fuck it…all old men singers. Most of the women can still blow. But to the old fogey ass men singers:
Just stop. Enjoy your riches and the legacy you’ve built and shut the fuck up.
Really, this is our fault, the younger generation of music lovers. We’re afraid to tell our elders that they can’t do something because they are the reasons we do what we do. Well, no more. Today, I say let an old person know that they can’t wear bodyshrits anymore, or short skirts, or sing, or swim, or eat a steak. Tell them the truth!!!
My people…it’s time to be honest and admit that some of our entertainers just don’t have it anymore. If we don’t do this, we’ll be doomed to twenty more years of Stevie’s crackin’ ass voice. Though I will say, Stevie does have one of the most stellar music careers so I guess he deserves SOME leeway. HOWEVER…I shall not be moved.
It’s time to retire the jersey old fogey’s everywhere!!!
Let it go…
And because there is just no better place to say this. GOT DAMN!!! Destiny’s Child (or as Will called them…on stage…Beyonce and ‘nem) gave LAP DANCES to Magic Johnson (who is one big nigga), Nelly (who has some shiny teef), and Terrance Howard (who is like the coolest light skinneded actor ever…LIGHT SKINNEDED NEGROES UNITE!). And Terrance Howard looked FOOOOOCUSED. I bet Jay got a little nervous. Terrance Howard got more work nowadays than hoes on Metropolitan Avenue in Atlanta, or hoes at Hunt’s Point in the Bronx. Either way, to Destiny’s Child, for not being too bougie, even Michelle’s ass, to give lapdances on national TV…I salute you!
I’m gonna need you to give it up to Gradys though. She was eforrtlessly singing the shyt out of her songs.
KK…when I saw Gradys, I thought you were talking about Grady from Sanford & Son as an homage to an old fogey who aint lost it…to which I was going to reply: da hell??
Then I realized you meant GLADYS…who did hold it down, further proving that women can keep singing as long as they want…it’s those horrible male singers that should die.
LMAO!
I just HAD to sneak and check you out Panama. I KNEW you would offer us a review of last night’s show and I loved it! Although I disagree with some of it. I loved Mariah Carey’s performance and I LOVE seeing Stevie Wonder perform too.
I’m trying to open up my writing style and experiment a bit more by being more opinionated about things. It feels so weird to say, THIS IS WHAT I THINK, But I did it and wrote a long post about what I thought about the BET awards last night.
Let’s just say, you inspired me..to have enough confidence to take a formal position on things. I was always afraid to. Anyway..I’m silly. Have a good day!
HIGH FIVE! Stevie and John almost sang my black ass to sleep. I was totally wondering about Stevie being blind yet able to bust a two step!
I know you adore Ciara but let’s just admit that her performance was less than amazing as well.
Gaymarion could dance Usher under a table.
Lauryn Hill made me want to cry. Not tears of joy but tears of what once was.
LOL…I KNEW you would deliver on a recap. I did one my own self. Check it out when you get a chance. But I’m telling you…you did me proud! LOL Good stuff!
L-M-A-O!
Damn homie, you killed me through this entire post. “Ass-ducks”??? WTF nigga??? LMAO. I can’t take it. I’m going back to work now.
OK, I have a couple of comments.
First, Mariah’s performance was not so great. She was hiding back there in the corner for half the song. I thought she was afraid the audience was going to boo her and start throwing things. Because she is Mariah, she is excused. We already know she can sing…
How can you attack all old men singers. LOL Some of them are still great namely Ron Isley. He still rocks every song he sings. Don’t be a hater. Stevie might need to wrap it up vocally, but he is still a musical genius. So maybe they should just take his mic away. lol
I would love to see Omarion and Usher have a dance off…it would be quite entertaining.
FOR THIS PART, I ALREADY KNOW I WILL RECEIVE BACKLASH. My disclaimer…I am not a Destiny’s Child or Beyonce hater. Everyone should also know Michelle is my favorite. Beyonce and Michelle should have picked 2 men that aren’t married. Nothing personal, but do you have to grind on the married men’s laps. I thought that was a bit tacky, but otherwise, I’m not mad at them. Clearly, they are trying to go out with a bang…
I have officially laughed my ass off the gotdamn grid. Between you and Will-no-relationship-to-Smith, I can’t take this anymore. LMAO
I’m riding with you on the old men who need to hang it up. Ron has seen his day. He makes new ish and people keep listening to the old stuff. I’m still trying to figure out why Stevie had to hurt us with that song, What the fuss? Could it get any cornier? I think somebody is pushing him to continue producing. Does he still owe on his contract or something? Give it up!
Loved the recap, P!
I haven’t seen the BET awards yet. I missed it last night. Actually forgot it came on. *lol* So I will catch it when it replays for the next 82787287873827 days. You know how BET run the awards show in the ground replaying that shit. So I am going to refrain from reading your post until after I see the awards.
My sistah called me this morning and was trying to tell me all about it. I told her to shut her mouf because I aint see it yet. But she couldn’t stop going on and on about the Fugees (they are back together?) performance and how beautiful and cute Will and Jada were as hosts. So now I can’t wait to see it..
*muah*
Destiny’s Child aint never been bougie. Seems more like they are constantly fighting bein so damn country.
Still love em tho. Well, not Michelle.
Well, I had to comment because I TOTALLY AGREE THAT STEVIE WONDER VOICE NEVER WAS ALL THE GREAT. I was watching a Motown special and Berry Gordy himself said that his voice wasn’t all that (in a nicer way) but he was amazed at how much of his heart he gave in to his singing. He’s a whiny over singer. Yes, the man wrote some nice touching lyrics all, but something had to compensate for that mediocre voice. I also agree that old dude singers do need to throw in the towel. Ronald Isley please spare us from your straining when you try to sing that cliche run “la la da da da daaaaaa”. I don’t want to see the guy having another stroke trying to sing a run. Phillip Bailey and Maurice White… I mean go out on top. Let us remember you at your best. On, another note Gladys Knight was great. She sounded so crystal clear just like she does on all those records. She preformed with such ease.
Am I the only one that thought Terrance Howard was exaggerating being so entranced by Beyonce.
THANK YOU!! It needed to be said about how Stevie Whiner cannot sing. I have been saying that for years, and have been abused for doing so. But what’s all the Ron Isley hate about?? I can still listen to him and groove…
And about Stevie dancing, I believe he is still blind because if he could have seen how he looked out there dancing, he would have sat down.
Um, this may come off as confrontational or disagreeable, but oh well who gives a fuck? First of all, what is wrong with Tom Cruise coming to a black awards show??? What exactly is the harm in that and how does it directly affect you? Those people sitting in the audience are not exactly common folk. In fact it is an audience full of millonaires, singers, actors, etc. A few of them there are actually his friends. Is he acting like a wigger? Is he being disrespectful in anyway? Oh I get it, he’s a white guy, so that fact alone is reason enough for him not to be there. And as far as Stevie Wonder is concerned, whether he can sing or not is clearly opinion based. But, he’s earned a right to step up on any stage and do what he does. So in other words, chill for the five or ten minutes he performs and then get the fuck over it. I’m pretty sure you will notice that you are still breathing, and lived through the performance. And as far as “delusional” is concerned, who are you to tell people what we should feel about certain entertainers? Just because this nigga can’t sang to YOU, I’m “delusional” because I don’t share the same opinion?? Hey I’ll be the first to say I don’t give a fuck what anyone’s opinion is on any subject. I believe in my own, but I would never try to pass mine off as law. You can believe whatever the fuck you want, but don’t pass people off as “delusional” because they don’t feel the same. This has led me to my final conclusion. It seems like you have missed your true calling. You should look into scat, because shitting on people is what you seem to do best. But of course, I may actually be “delusional” about this also. Keep it light!
*reading comment above* Oh dear. Apparently, the previous poster did not read Panama’s post about coming up in his establishment and talking ish.
Dearest Bitch-Ass Fake Email Having Black/White,
Thanks for playing!
(And also thank you for giving me a reason to write this comment…)
Your comment does indeed come off as disagreeable and that’s just fine, I mean really who gives a fuck? It’s the confrontational part that bothers me…you see, I give a fuck. I really do…
There’s nothing wrong with Tom Cruise coming to a black awards show. Hell, there were LOTS of white people there scattered about to and fro in the audience. I’m merely wondering why the fuck Tom Cruise is EVERYWHERE in black culture nowadays. He’s hit up every black venue in some form or fashion. Hell he was even on gotdamn 106 & Park.
How does it harm or effect me?? It doesn’t really. Good point. However, that doesn’t stop me from being tired of seeing his ass. Am I allowed to be tired???? It’s like he’s the new hot white guy in black culture since you know we like to pick one every so often and have him show up everywhere and laud and praise him. And quite frankly, I’m getting tired of his ass period. He’s all over the news lately with his love tryst with Katie Holmes and frankly my dear jackass, I’d just rather not see him or her anymore. Any harm, no??
And fucker, I never said he was acting like a wigger or being disrespectful, unlike you coming up in my muhfuckin’ establishment talkin’ shit. I’m merely tired of seeing him in all things Negro. Why the sudden immersion?? Can a muhfucka wonder????
You see, I dont have a problem with him being white. I just wonder where all the black love came from? I believe he has a black adopted child. That’s all well and good, but why does that automatically make him the white dude that Black America falls in love with and wants every gotdamn where? I blame Jamie Foxx for this shit. Him and that damn Collateral movie.
Wait…are YOU his adopted son?? Or just a really big Top Gun fan? (Shoutouts to Niki for that one!) Cuz that would make me understand why it bothers you that I’d call out Tom Cruise. If so, fuck you anyway.
And about Stevie Wonder…well…whether or not he can sing is opinion based. I agree. But guess what bitch??? You’re on my site bucko…MY OPINION!!!!!!
OH SHIT…WHAT A NOVEL CONCEPT!?!?! Panama puts HIS opinion on HIS site!!!
Shiiiiiiiit…it just might work!
Jackass…of COURSE I’m gonna make statements like that. And just because he’s earned the right to get up there and sound like shit doesn’t mean I have to be like…well, it’s Stevie, so its okay. I have an opinion. I shared my opinion. YOU were here to read it. Sooooo…how about you get the fuck over it, mmkay??
“And as far as “delusional” is concerned, who are you to tell people what we should feel about certain entertainers?”
I’m Panama Muhfuckin’. Duh.
And you’re right, you might not be delusional because you don’t share the same opinion as me. Except in this case. Stevie never did have the best voice. If you think he did…more power to you…but ummm…once again…
Welcome to Jackson G. Tickle Enterprises. Home of Panama Dontavious Jackson and his many opinions and musings.
Fucker.
And am I passing it off as law?? Or am I presenting my muhfuckin’ opinion for those that chose to come thru my muhfuckin’ establishment??? You know what…scratch, that. I run this shit…so if I think it, it’s law.
Yes, I like that much better.
“This has led me to my final conclusion. It seems like you have missed your true calling. You should look into scat, because shitting on people is what you seem to do best. But of course, I may actually be “delusional” about this also. Keep it light!”
You know you’re right, it really is a talent! I do tend to think you’re slightly delusional because you think Stevie Wonder can SANG. But hey that’s just my opinion you know.
So…this goes out to those who chose to use (black/white) disprespectful views on the KING OF DC…
…fuck you and die.
Thanks for playing.
How dare you speak ill of stevie!!! I haven’t seen the BET awards yet so I cannot voice my fury. And Omarion actually can dance better than Usher. I don’t think Usher could have participated in You got served. Well, then again no one could have…
*APPLAUUUUSSEEEE!!! BELLLSSS AND MU*FUCKIN’ WHISTLESSS!* on your response to Black/White! What the hell was that all about? If anything you have a right to say what you want…. not just because it’s your site but dayumit! You got a free pass into BOTH worlds and if you feel like he shouldn’t have to jump on our couches every two seconds then so be it!
Oh and just to let e’erybody know. Mariah Carey can sing she just needs to fire whoever the phuck decided to schedule her to do a full blown concert and then committed her to sing on the BET awards right after that. See, it’s acts like this that lend to entertainers turning on their staff members like renegade zoo animals!!!!!! Why in the hell they would commit her to do something like that is beyond me!!! Her whole CD has vocal acrobatics that are challenging to even someone of her calipher and you simply can’t do a whole concert and then try to do it over and over again in one night. Anyway bro – as you know, I’m glad to see that you’re still breathing! Stay well! ~ Ms. Blaize
aahhh, what a lovely way to kick off a weekend filled with fireworks!
y’know…not having cable hinders me from getting the full effect of this argument. but it seems like stevie wonder’s publicist and scientologists have gotten together to combat any negative comments about their peoples.
“Panama, you’re so glib.” says a scientology spokesman. “You don’t know the history of black award shows, Tom Cruise does.”
Meanwhile, a Motown/Universal executive reports that Stevie just wants to know “what’s da fuss!?”
This just in…
Capital Punishment Records issued a statement saying BLYSS is still the KING OF DC. The statement reads:
“Man, we don’t know who this Panama Motherfuck…Muphukkin’…Mofo or whatever the fuck his name is; but he ain’t no KING of no DC. My man BLYSS holdin’ it down. werd up sun!”
The statement declined to comment on the release of BLYSS’ next mixtape CAN Y’ALL LISTEN TO ME PLEASE V.1. previous published reports said a release date of February 30th were scratched.
Haha did you see dat ass on BEYONCE…..OOOOOOOWEEEEEEE made Kelly and Michelle look like white gurls…haha she doin her damn thang…lucky Jay-Z…and MAriah Carey yeah i agree her voice wasnt the best, but we all do know she can sang…Ciara and Bow Wow…so their a couple now?? They make a weird couple not only is she like 10 feet taller than him but c’on it just dont mix…plus Ciara’s performance was mad boring only good part was when she was humping the car…Missy’s performance w/ her in it was even better…until FatMan Scoop took off his shirt..DEAR LAWD what was dat man thankin i mean i almost puked seeing all dem rolls on him…..looks like Bone Crusher gots competion….and what the hell was w/ Fantasia goin’ all crazy with her yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah….scary shizznat….well yeah other than that teh awards were cool..i guess…..
R.I.P Luther Vandross….we lost ANOTHER great man…
Wow! Here I am back in the “muhfuckin establishment!” Look at me, I’m doing the damn thang. Anyways like I said before, I don’t give a fuck what your opinion is and of course you shouldn’t give a fuck about mine. As long as we both understand that there are no elements of fact in an opinion. Which means, if you use the word delusional in reference to someone else’s opinion, you’re basically passing off your opinion as law. And for the record, I don’t give a fuck who you are, if I have something to say I will say it. I’m not a yes girl, never have been, never will. And my views are disrespectful because I DISAGREE???? What kind of shit is that? I’ll say you go boy, when I REALLY feel that way. I will say you are absolutely correct, when I REALLY feel that way. I will say you were right on the money, when I REALLY feel that way. Get it? Good. And as far as thanking me for playing, your welcome baby because I do that extremely well. Your response was somewhat gully, so thanks for that I liked it. It has to be rough for me to enjoy it. I’m a bad ass chick so I’m accustomed to brushing my shoulders off. Take it light!
^^^^
are you serious?
no, seriously…are you serious?
niggas….
You’ve done the impossible…hated on my faves EWF’s Maurice White and Stevie in the same post and managed not to offend me atal
LOL Why? Cause I totally agree. Maurice and his Predator-esque broham need to go somewhere and sit down. And Stevie… *sigh* “Shame on him” for that stupid song and dance. I can’t stand it. *Putting “At the Close of a Century” Stevie in my stereo now…
OMG I soooooooooo agree with you about the retiring jerseys… I’m glad I read your entire post cuz I’dda damn sure rolled up in the comments section and added Ronald damn Isley too… I am so with you. They are just fucking up the legacy they’ve built at this point… that whole Mr. Bigg fiasco? *sigh* Anyhoo… I was JUST saying this this morning to my husband, that the ONE person who held their shit down consistently… throughout 3 decades… was Luther. *sobbing uncontrollably*